Update...

Turns out you CAN play a Nintendo DS with a broken arm. It is not hard! You can play it, like, for 3 or 4 hours at a time! Especially when you're at home because your Mom is a sucker and feels sorry for you, having to have a cast! It is pretty awesome, actually!

(The final report: it's a type of fracture that heals in just 3 weeks. Yay! He talked the ears off the orthopaedics staff, and chose a blue cast.)

Rite of Passage

Our news this week is interesting, at least: AJ has fractured his right arm. Years from now I might want to remember it (I guess?) and it probably deserves a spot in the proverbial online “baby book,” though I think the pages in traditional baby books run out before age 7. Anyway, he was playing, at home – he loves to try to do “frog-stand,” and maybe this was what he was attempting to do – and he fell off KT’s bed, catching himself with two hands and two stiff arms… one of which went, “Pop.” Auditorally, it was a small pop, like cracking a knuckle. But already in my memory of it (2 short days ago), it’s gotten louder and…crunchier. How does the brain do that?


I am leaving the office in 20 minutes to take him to the Children’s Orthopaedics. I am anxious to finally hear from a doctor myself, since DH is the one who got to take him to Urgent Care the other night, and he has taken the follow-up calls (“Yes, it’s a fracture, now commence with the appointment-making and referral-getting. Have fun!”). I hope we get some actual details. Remind me to ask for doctor’s notes for Jiu Jitsu (we’ll get a little money back) and what he can and cannot do.


AJ, himself, is mostly handling it well. His mean mommy and daddy have made him go to school anyway. He hasn’t said we’re mean, but I feel – surprise –guilty about it. But yesterday he managed, and his friends took good care of him. I went to the school at noon and saw them on the playground, playing “Walk-Tag,” a game I think they made up in his honor. The four of them came walking up to me in a posse, and his buddies took turns telling what he had needed help with. So cute. Of course my main worry was had he gone to the restroom??! How is a kid supposed to unbuckle a belt and unfasten hook-and-eye pants with one (left) hand, I ask you? (He told me later he just didn’t go… all day.) I guess we’ll all figure out a way.


At dinner and bedtime last night, he was kinda weepy. He doesn’t like the splint, of course, and wants it OFF. (He won’t like a cast, either, if that’s what he gets today.) And I suspect he’s a little worried about how he’ll have ANY fun for the next 6 weeks, if it takes that long. The prospect of not playing his DS or Wii (hard to do with only one hand), no regular tag at recess, no trampoline jumping at the neighbors’ (ever again!!! Says Mean Mommy), no jiu jitsu, no bouncing on beds (ever again), no Daddy-wrestling…. I mean, I understand for a 7-year-old boy, this is pretty devastating. He had JUST learned a front flip on the trampoline, too.


On the other hand (heh), we’ve already promised to buy him a new set of Pokemon cards, and… there will probably be extra trips to get ice cream in his immediate future.

Rain last night

It poured rain during the night. Enough to wake both kids and bring them, shivering, to our room. I don't mind so much when they come in during a storm. It makes me smile, almost; I think it's one of the blessings of parenthood to be considered the safest and most comforting person/place, when thunder makes the house shake. And it comforts ME to have to comfort them, you know? It's the one time I kind-of do wish we had a king-sized bed.

I've always liked storms -- not that they don't sometimes scare me, too. But since I was a child, I've sort-of enjoyed being awake, even if it's 2:00 in the morning. I think the unexpectedness of them is what makes them interesting. You just don't know when the next crack! is going to happen -- not even when the lightning gives warning. Could be 7 seconds later, could be right away. And Jennifer once wrote about how she prays in thanksgiving for her home, however modest, when it's coming down cats and dogs outside. YES. What a comfort to also hear the hum of the fridge or the AC cutting on, when outside all the "hum" is loudly interrupted with unpredictable fury (or even gentle drizzle). How thankful I am for our solid shelter. For a warm bed.

And for extra bodies sharing my pillow.

----------------------------------

(Of course, after a while I did have to move myself to AJ's room. There was a 3-year-old leg thrown over my neck.)

Grateful!@3

^ Current password to get into my work computer, in case you ever find yourself in my cube.

Yes, I'm making a concentrated effort to count my blessings for the next few days. Yes, I'm feeling better. But gratefulness is gooooood medicine, and you can never have too much.

• I made a roast in the crock pot (2-3 lb frozen roast, 1 onion cut up, 3/4c water + 1 envelope Onion Soup Mix. High for 6 hrs or Low for 8). It tasted just like my Grandmother used to make, and I made onion gravy and lima beans with rice to go with it. The only thing I forgot was spiced peaches. No one loved it but me (DH ate it willingly and said it was better than his Mom's), but I DON'T CARE. I am very grateful for Comfort Food.
• It's almost fall. I love the cooler weather, football, sweaters, the rain. It's coming soon and I'm going to revel in it.
• I'm grateful for my Integrated Management System. Ha! No, really, I've been reading a productivity book at work, and it, along with MS Outlook, is helping me organize my days a little more thoughtfully, which is obviously something I need. (Avoid Stress! Plan! You can Do It!)
• I'm grateful for a job. Like the Desiderata says, "It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time." (No matter how grumpy it sometimes makes me.)
• I'm grateful for a husband who loves and accepts me, warts and all.
• I'm grateful for fun and cuddles last night with KT (Alice in Wonderland, playing mermaids in the bathtub, and Alexander & the Terrible...Day), even while she's being a 3.5-year-old pill these days. It will pass; I'm holding on to that and trying not to wish time away.

Some Pleasantries

After I wrote that post Friday, and all of you were so kind, commenting, I had a hard time getting the little silent tears to stop falling. I would think I was all finished, but then another note would start me right up again, and back to the ladies' room I would go. I don't blame you. ;) I thank you, enormously, for all your sweet words and virtual hugs. As I told my Dad, us writers/bloggers/journal-keepers rarely feel the need to spew words all over a page when things are exceptionally good. It's harder, even, to FIND those words, I think. I've said before, I seem to remember the great days in soft-focus visuals, in a "feeling." People always say they want to "bottle it up." But somehow, when the emotions are painful, the words fall all over themselves to get out, to be said. I guess that's where poetry comes from.

We went out on Friday night; I decided without consulting anyone that Mexican Food Was Happening, and I guess everyone knew better than to complain, after my outburst. Well, that's not entirely true, KT complained a little, and pretty much refused to eat, but too bad for her. Margarita? Check. Spinach quesedilla? My new favorite. And otherwise, we had a normal weekend, both productive and relaxing. The weather was gorgeous, which is a renewal in itself. I laid down to read and essentially that turned into "went to bed," at 9:00 p.m. on Saturday night. We went for a walk on Sunday.

I still feel like I want to take a Personal Day from work, but it looks like I have called a meeting for this Friday (damn). The following Friday, AJ has the day off school. So I don't know what will happen, but I'd like to figure it out. I think I've only ever just played hooky one time in my 15 years of working; I mean, taking a day that wasn't a planned vacation or Christmas holidays, just a day for me. I'm picturing a leisurely morning with my coffee, a leisurely shopping trip by myself, a day free of cleaning or chores (unless I feel like it - sometimes cleaning is good for the soul), maybe a haircut. I suppose it doesn't have to be a Friday. Tonight is Book Club, and although I still don't really feel like being jolly, I am hopeful that by osmosis, the good friendships in front of me will fill me up.

Please, please pardon this extreme brain dump.

It's been a couple of rough days for me. I'm feeling underappreciated and under-loved, I guess, and I melted down about it this morning when KT fought every choice I gave her over what to wear. Normally I wouldn't bother with that battle -- I often let her go to school as the raggedy child in plain jeans and a stained t-shirt, because I simply don't have time to argue with her -- but today is school picture day and since I thought it was yesterday, and sent her in her ONE cute outfit yesterday, and had fewer options for cute outfits today, AND since I don't have time nor money to take her to the expensive studio for a three-year-old photo, this is going to HAVE TO DO, and she NEEDS TO LOOK CUTE. I envy the women whose girls are always dressed in AN OUTFIT that actually matches and was bought together, and always with the big, adorable grosgrain ribbons in their hair and cute shoes. KT never has the exact right shoes. Anyway, this morning I had a meltdown.

Times like THIS are how I simpley cannot fathom a single-parent-situation, because all I had to do was quiver like I was about to meltdown, and DH swooped in, shut KT's door, and took care of the situation while I childishly cried into a towel in my bathroom. I guess we all have our breaking point. AJ had been giving me the business earlier in the morning, because we didn't have his favorite breakfast item. "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO THE STORE???!" he shouted at me. And that set me off.

IWORKSOHARDFORYOUANDALLIEVERGETISATTITUDE!ICANNOTGOTOTHESTOREEVERYDAYIWILLGIVEYOUAPIECEOFWHITEBREADANDSOMETEPIDWATERFORBREAKFAST,HOWWILLTHATBE????

Not to mention the dog crapping in the house TWICE in the morning, once AFTER I took him outside and he just doodled around sniffing things. Old dog, bless his heart. BUT OH MY LORD WITH THE POOPING.

Some of this started yesterday on Sparkpeople, when someone commented to me (because I was saying I haven't had time to workout) that my schedule is "insane." I've sometimes thought that, myself, on particularly busy weeks, but it kinda threw me for a loop to have someone else say it, because isn't my schedule just a NORMAL working mom with two kids kind of schedule? It has made me question nearly everything, and I guess that's what taken my emotions right off the rails. But I mean, what do you think about this kind of schedule? Objectively.

Monday
7:00 leave the house, drop off AJ
7:30 - 12 work
12 noon lunch with a friend (a rarity, I assure you)
1:30 - 4:30 work
5:00 pick up AJ, take him to his annual checkup
6:00 do homework, make dinner, etc... kids to bed, make lunches, watch TV and bed.

Tuesday
6:15 leave the house for my early day
6:30 - 11 work
11 - 11:30 drop off volunteer-job stuff at AJ's school; pop in to tell him he'll have to go to Aftercare b/c of an unexpected meeting
12-4 work (lunch was provided at work that day)
4:30 pick up AJ, homework, dinner...
6:30 boys leave for Cub Scouts
hang out with KT, etc. nighttime stuff

Wednesday
7:00 leave the house, drop off AJ
7:30 - 12 work
12 noon lunch out with my team (ran by the bank too)
1:30 - 4:30 work
5:00 pick up AJ, change his clothes, go to his jiu jitsu class
6:30 home, DH made dinner....

Thursday
6:15 leave the house for my early day
6:30 - 3:15 work (lunch at my desk, which I hate, but sometimes I have a lot of work to do, too)
3:30 pick up AJ, take him to school skating party, have no friends there, no one talks to me... (this was also a bit of an emotional glitch - when the skating rink feels the same at 37 as it did at 13... hrm.)
5:00 home, feeling guilty because KT isn't picked up yet but I need to get AJ home to do his homework before she's there to interrupt him
6:00 make dinner, listen to KT scream in complaint about not wanting what I'm making... eat my own dinner quickly because...
6:40 leave for choir practice -- which I can't decide if is another committment to stress me out, or "me-time" (I lean toward calling it me-time, but some days, especially Sundays, it feels like the opposite)
9:00 practice ends, go home, watch Project Runway, maybe help DH fold a few items from laundry... crash on the couch around 10....

I just... I don't know. It seems pretty normal to me. Maybe minus the choir thing. Is it not?

KT's in a phase of complaining and screaming. It's normal 3.5-yr-old stuff, we went through it with AJ. But it is wearing on me at the moment and I'm not handling her very well. (Can't wait 'til she's thirteen.)

I need some new clothes. That's one thing that always adds to a bad mood, when I don't feel like I have anything to wear, and no time to go shopping, and I'm always worried about spending too much money. I need a haircut and I haven't had time for that. I don't like to complain about it all, because DH will say, "Please go take some time for yourself, go shopping, get a pedicure." And then I'll feel bad for leaving him with the kids YET AGAIN, and I know HE needs some time off as well (not to mention clothes shopping), but he doesn't ever whine about it like I do... and I need a girlfriend that I LIKE to invite me to lunch or something, because I feel like I don't have any friends at the moment, and that makes it worse. I'm not even PMS-y, although this post sure sounds like it.

I'm so grateful for my beautiful kids, my wonderful husband who does the laundry and the yardwork despite how crappy he feels at the end of a work day, and all the good gifts I have. Most people think, I suspect, that I have it all together. But sometimes I have NOTHING together, nothing at all. I get tired and cranky and I don't want to DEAL with it all anymore. I would like to take a three-week vacation. Maybe by myself. At my mom's house.

Just Write: Right Now

I'm going to try this free writing exercise with Extraordinary Ordinary. Thanks to Nicole for pointing it out to me! Warning: This could end up being a very boring entry!

AJ, age 7, is sitting behind me at the kitchen table. I hear his pencils, coloring a West Virginia flag picture (drawn with much angst and crying last night from a picture we found online), working so hard I can almost also hear his tounge sticking out.

The dog is under the table. I hear him breathing, snoring (a good thing for a 15-year-old lab).

I poured us Cokes, a rare treat, but I left mine over there, on the counter. I can still taste its yummy sugar in my mouth. AJ has only drunk a little of his and I'm glad he's not a Coke guzzler. Last time I gave him Coke, he was enthusiastic in telling me, "Mom, Coke is REALLY GOOD." Rare treat, rare treat.

Next we'll have to cut out a construction paper cover for this state report. But I'm supposed to be talking about right now.

I see snacks waiting by the back door, to be taken to the boys' Den meeting tonight. DH's first as a Leader; I know he's slightly nervous. It makes me smile. I see a load of recycling that needs to be taken out (and I'm glad we finally signed up with a trash service that separates recycling, because I think it's a good lesson for the kids). The kids looooooove to take out the recycling, by the way.

Now I hear the dog clicking around the wood floor on his nails (we rarely cut them). And AJ wants to show me his finished flag. Have you ever drawn the West Virginia flag? It's really a tough one, as state flags go.

I get up to look, and I'm really proud of him. I will probably shuffle off to begin the nightly stroll through the pantry/fridge, to figure out something for dinner. I'm thinking chicken.