Now, everybody dance

You guys have got to try this. I read it yesterday while hopping around the 'net -- a comment on a discussion about positive thinking techniques. Which, I don't want to go all Stuart Smiley on ya, but sometimes a little gratitude journaling, a little blessings-counting? Isn't such a bad thing.

I should think this technique blows the others away for efficacy and immediacy:

"...The techniques are suspicious, dubious, and embarrassing, like the "Crab Dance," in which you make scissor motions with your fingers while side-stepping right and left and repeating, 'Everything is going wonderfully.' It makes 5 gratitudes a day seem downright clinical."

Hahaha! Are you picturing yourself in this Crab Dance scenario? It makes me laugh out loud. If you didn't at least chuckle, you must be the oft-concluded "dead inside."

DH and I are doing this tonight. (We're not depressed, nosiree! But we do actually have a few new stress-inducing things going on. Which I may or may not blog about here shortly.) We like to dance in the kitchen. --Ooh, hey! Another idea: what if I got all my coworkers to line up and crab dance together??

Les beaux arts

This is so getting framed. ^


"Mama, you have to visualize both the positive and negative space."

I do have a question, though. Goes something like this: How much art could a mommy chuck if a good mommy [feels guilt about] could chuck art? You may have heard it before.

Seriously, folks. We fingerpainted on Saturday in the shady driveway, and it was mind-blowingly fun for AJ... to squirt the paint, more than to actually create Art, but still... I ended up with 12 or 13 suitable-for-framing originals. Not to mention, the daycare had sent several days' worth of art projects home with us on Friday. He's been in daycare since he was 12 weeks old, you understand. And sometimes I think the infant teachers got bored, so... 'let's put the kids' feet in paint! Yeah!' We are swimming in it. And it's all so precious! But it's also cluttering up the place.

I hate to say it, but I've got to stash some of this. Possibly in the garbage can. I had once thought I'd buy one of those big scrapbooks and save everything there, acid-free, to be enjoyed by one and all for millennia to come. Then I thought, "Scrapbooks are twenty dollars," and I walked on to Target's next aisle. But I'm reconsidering.

Because when AJ becomes a famous architect, this stuff might come in handy for A&E Biography. All I'm sayin'.

I do have something to say

a whole bunch of somethings, really

I have found a new little avatar image that I love. Isn't she precious, over there in the sidebar? So twinkly!

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I *nearly* forgot the Emmys last night, which I missed last year. Sooo glad the husband turned on TV and spotted the 6-hour Red Carpet nonsense, which reminded me! I was originally going to post that Scrubs got robbed. But now that I think about it, this was not Scrubs' funniest season. Actually The Office's comedy had me ROFLMAO much more often than Zach Braff and the gang, although I do still harbor deep love for Zach, especially since Garden State. (There, I've said it!) Steve Carrell is just FUNNY. That show. *Shakes head.* It's just out of hand. :) I thought the Emmys show was hay-larious, especially the Bob Newhart bit. And how 'bout the fact that BARRY MANILOW not only performed, but WON AN EMMY! I missed his speech because of a phone call! How sad for me! Somehow, we didn't rewind to see it. ?@! But anyway, those moments alone (and sweet Dick Clark's appearance) earn it an A+ in my book. The fashion? Impressive. Blythe Danner? One of my favorite actresses, but is it me, or was she extra-flighty? Calista Flockhart's coming back to TV! High-five, Jeremy Piven won!! Alan Alda!! Amazing Race! Grey's Anatomy did NOT win (secret yay). Lots of favorites from "Gosford Park" won, evoking memories of that great flick (Kelly MacDonald and gorgeous Helen Mirren.) I could've done without Farrah Fawcett and her blank stare, but in all, Hooray, awards shows. They make me happy.

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My son -- just 2 years and one month old -- can SING THE ABCs song! My word, I am so excited by this! We heard it the first time as he talked himself to sleep -- so this was over the monitor. I was actually half-asleep, myself, on the sofa (pathetic), but finally my mind registered as he was singing, "...neh, 'ime, 'on't, oooh, ling ah meeeeeeeee..." He does it that way, with commas between each word. He can sing practically the whole thing. Misses a few between L and P (who doesn't?) and he always forgets "T-U-V." But he's singing! The ABCs! Guess we really DO have to scrape together money for college, wow. This is big. Call me, I'll make him perform for you. He's also discovered the personal pronoun, "me." So with that and the ABCs, I guess soon he'll be blogging. HA!

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I have found that one of the tough little things about deaths is having to revise my Palm Pilot and my cell phone. One of the first things my dad did, at Grandmother's house, was to cancel her phone line -- smart thinking, since BellSouth has perfected the phone bill hike with all its invented "fees" and "services." But Grandmother was at the top of my speed dial list until Friday. Fact is, there's no phone there, but the finality of it ached a little. And I've always had DH's grandparents listed under Grandad's first name. It's little things that get to you.

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Our weekend was so nice. We just stayed home and did practically nothing. (I cleaned the oven and hellO??? Easy Off? My New Best Friend. Though 20 years old and down one stovetop burner, my JennAir is sparkling!) Sunday afternoon we took AJ and got "moo-ees." (Smoothies.) He was in heaven because his was red.

Better than a turquoise box with white ribbon

AJ's asleep. DH is at his fantasy draft, as I'm sure many husbands are this weekend. (At least I hope I'm not the only one abandoned for buffalo wings and Peyton Manning.) I have set the oven to clean, and now... what do I do for 2 hours?

Tick.

Tock....

Tick.

Tock....

What is this strange quiet? The stillness of TIME? Nothing's moving. No one's head is spinning. No large appliance is whirring. Everyone's fed and watered. Church? Obligations? Appointments? Nope, not 'til tomorrow. Not even one to-do list item jangles in my mind. I'm totally available to just... sit here and, I don't know, stare out the window for a while.

This. Is. Awesome.

Recycling a meme

Today,

i can’t: see straight for all the bits of paper I've taken notes or scribbled phone numbers on!

i can: tell that I am sitting far too much. My back huuuuuurts. And I even get up the prescribed "several times" a day and stretch.

i will: do some yoga and pilates and such, to try to ease the hurt out.

i won’t: eat ice cream. I won't i won't i won't.

i miss: my mom and dad. Being with them for 4 days was good.

i hear: songs in my head. (At the moment, something from West Side Story.)

i smell: the cover girl lipslick I just applied.

i crave: cool air

i wonder: why I felt the need to post about "Workout" last night?

i love: my leopard-n-brown strappy sandals.

i long: for a certain client to settle down already

i care: about taking good care of my clients, but JEEZ, do they hafta call all on the same day, 4 times a day?? Rrrar. Also, are other people this stressed out EVERY day? Because I couldn't handle that. Thank God for downtime.

i always: sneeze. every day. multiple times a day.

i am not: allergic to everything, however.

i believe: that this is by far the lamest thing I've ever published!

Season finales can be good...

Right this very minute, I'm watching Bravo TV's latest -- I call it their 2nd Lesbian Experiment. The first one was Queer Eye for the Straight Girl. Remember that? It wasn't their biggest hit. The Lesbian makeup artist just wasn't as charming as any of the original Fab Five guys. And this show... worse than not-charming. It's totally squicking me out. NOT because it's got lesbian kissing or anything Else -- I'm just as curious as anyone to see lesbian kissing, so bring it on... and the camera-person did not follow main character Jackie and her date into the Ladies' room just now to capture the Else -- but just because Jackie has got such a chip on her shoulder and she's so fake as a person! She adds a "Honey" at the end of her "Nice to meet yous," but she pauses just long enough to make you think she barely remembered, "Oh, I have to say Honey." Ew. Squick. Hello, I'm Camera-Aware and Trying Too Hard.

And yet. I'm sitting here watching it. I might just get teary about Tess, of the weight-loss-success storyline. (I can't wait to see the break-up/cat-fight!) Wonder if Bravo's renewing for next summer?

Reminders

Man, it's hard to concentrate today.

I'm sending emails to clients because picking up the phone just requires too much energy. It's not that I'm even that tired; we got home from Florida early, and I actually slept better last night, in my own bed, than in about 3 weeks' time. Slept like the dead, is the phrase that comes to mind if you'll pardon the very inappropriate pun -- I'm appalled by it, myself, but you can't control these things. The mind plays tricks. It's just that I don' wanna feeling. I'm trying to make lists and focus. But it's hard to snap right back into position and have the desire to take up like normal.

I feel like I ought to post something touching and reflective about my Grandmother. What comes to mind is only this:

I must change my attitude about unloading dishes.

My standard answer to the question, "What is your least favorite household chore?" has always been "...unloading dishes." I've always hated opening the dishwasher after dinner only to realize... they're all clean. Damn, it makes me say. But my first and best memories of Grandmother are undoubtedly dishes-related. Our guest room was very near the kitchen, and when she got up early -- 6:00 am? -- to begin her cooking-intensive day (what with 10 additional mouths to feed, it being a holiday or summer and all of there to visit) she'd first unload the dishes. That sound -- the "clinking," inevitable even though I know she was doing it ever-so-gently to keep quiet -- was my alarm clock on many a childhood morning. I'd pad in by myself, and sit on her lap. We'd have a little love and say good morning for a while. I'm sure some of the other kids joined us on many occasions, but in my memory, it's just us. Just us.

Of course I had put in dishes to wash before we left last Wednesday, so when we got home last night, they were all clean. That's what reminded me.

DH and I are so, so lucky to have had our grandparents in our lives into our thirties. We do realize that. 95 is an amazing life. Heck, 80 is an amazing life. This is another thought that has been in my mind -- it's a little bit irreverent, but again, I can't help what my brain concocts: If you live so that you've got 6 people to carry your box when you die, you've lived pretty well. I don't know why I keep thinking that. Maybe it's just the simplicity of it. DH's Grandad got me thinking that way. He lived such a simple life. Worked hard, saved his money. But there was nothing flashy about him. He was charming, kind. Honored God. Loved his family. And God saw that it was good. and evening came and morning followed... easy, gentle, simple.

Forgive me and this melancholy. I really feel fine. Relieved, actually, in a lot of ways. We smiled and laughed a lot this week. I want to write something, but I'm not sure what.

Three times sad

A third funeral in 2006 -- my dear Grandmother Virgie. I will miss her so much.

Peace. Be still. Treasure your loved ones.

WAIT! Back up!

I couldn't get my head around what date it was, all last week. I guess that's what happens when you go from a jovial vacation straight to a funeral, all in one trip. But the days I was back in the office, even -- I had to keep looking at the calendar and asking myself, "Wait, how far off schedule are we? What day IS it, anyway?" There was something, too, that I knew was supposed to happen... August 11, maybe? No, nothing in my datebook... what the heck is it? It was like misplacing your sunglasses. You're not desperate for them, but damn if it wouldn't be nice to have 'em back.

I realized last night, 10:26pm, after being in that drowsy, almost-asleep state for about 5 minutes.

I forgot larry's birthday, August 9th. :( :( :( So many sad faces! My very best friend, I'm so sorry! I know you'll forgive me and say "You had a lot going on," but still. An event I've been marking for at least 17 years now, completely vanished from the calendar? It doesn't feel right. I will be calling you today!

Breath of fresh 'sphere

...am thinking my window needs to be thrown open, to air out the place from all the serious, and... well, whatdayaknow? Things are going on out there in the world! Blogging for Books still lives, friends, and it's back to the original owner. Monday's the deadline and the topic this month is pretty universal -- I bet we can all come up with something -- so get to typin'.

I'll have time tonight, while hubby blasts away at something on the Xbox. After, of course, AJ's bedtime and a little Biltmore wine, maybe some Rummy 500 or Scrabble, warm conversation, and remembering to cherish simple things like that. :) Then the dual-geeking.

August

I can't even begin to know the right way to blog about the past 7 days. Funny, it seems like so much longer than that. Extreme heart highs and lows will stretch and bruise a week like putty, I guess, and I've soaked up plenty of both ends of the spectrum.

My husband's grandfather passed away Friday evening in Tennessee. I was in New Hampshire with my friends. By strange miracle, Shawn had decided not to be with me there. God absolutely directed him to go to Grandad, shouted it in whispers, and thankfully he listened to that call. There is peace abundant in such a small decision, and renewed faith, as well -- the Father truly guides and leads us. There is also, appropriately but ironically, a renewed wish for us to BE WITH each other, more. Shawn said when it happened, all he wanted was to be with me, to be better with me. The decision to separate for a few days knitted us ever closer together. He said that Grandad and Nan's commitment in their 61-year marriage was so evident in those last few days.... even the last year, where she's cared for him so steadfastly..... I have to stop here, I get overwhelmed at the thought that I -- my marriage -- should be the beneficiary of another person's loss.... I've felt more connected to my husband since this happened than in a long time. He's been exceptionally tender toward me. It's a profound, undeserved gift. I'm so sorry for them, for Shawn. Death is such a hard part of life. But it is part, nonetheless.

I'll have to tell you another time about beautiful Lake Winnipesauke in August.

Choices

I'll never forget the first BIG decision I ever had to make, all by myself. It was the summer before junior year of high school, and I had been a cheerleader since freshman year. I knew that during the pending fall, the community theater had plans to do a play that I DEFINITELY wanted to be a part of... but if I auditioned and was chosen, I'd have a Friday night commitment that I couldn't skip... for weekly football games. So I had to choose: Do I want to be a cheerleader? Possibly a co-captain? A leader? Or do I want to do this show?

I chose the show, and I didn't regret it. (Evita, I think it was.) But not without a long paper list of pros and cons, pluses and minuses, and much deliberation. The experience has stayed with me -- and with my Mom, who remembers that dilemma every time another decision pops up in my life -- because my friend Cory said this to me:

"Whatever decision you make, is the right decision."

So, fast-forward to just three minutes ago when I hit the Send button on an email that's been waiting in my Drafts folder for about 2 months.... I quit the church choir, and my position as a cantor.

from A Child's Garden of Verses

Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

One of my favorite poems from childhood, and last night I read it to AJ because on our way to bed, we watched our shadows follow us up the stairs. As if him noticing his shadow isn't cool enough (!), I am also thrilled that he is finding his rhythm. I think it's interesting that he (all babies, I guess) really took to the singsong verse of nursery rhymes early on. He's always loved Mother Goose - The Three Little Kittens, especially. :) And now I see that those rhythmic verses were his stepping stone to real music, which he is finally enjoying. He bops his little bootie and sings along with the tunes in "Charlotte's Web," he giggles and claps when I sing him nursery rhymes, and sometimes he even hums to himself! Those behaviors might not be unusual for some kids, but for him, they are new. And so, so precious. (I might be overenthusiastic about love of music. A little.)

Anyway, Poetry is so good for kids; I hope to share more of it with him. Any good suggestions are welcome from you experienced moms.