Hovering: 5 on a Friday

The last 2 days, I find I've been hovering around my blog archives, re-reading old posts and trying to spark something in my head that seems worth writing about... without much success. But I'm here again, and it's a Friday, and I definitely don't feel like opening the spreadsheet that looms on today's work to-do list, so I'm going to give it the ol' college try. 

1. Health 

I mentioned The Blue Zones documentary the last time I posted, and I'm still slightly obsessed with it. I watched the super-short series a 2nd time, in fact, and registered for the "7-Day Reset" since it was only $11. It's not that I want to live to be 100 years old, necessarily, but I am indeed interested in living well, as I age -- living without pain/sickness as much as possible, and with measurable joy. The indication from the Blue Zones is that it's not only the food we eat, although that is an important aspect; but it's also about social interaction, and purpose, and movement and faith/outlook. (Reminds me of Friday Night Meatballs, which intrigued me so much about 10 years ago.) The ideas just appeal to me so much. I feel like we could probably implement them in our family, although we would have a hard time fully eliminating some of the snack foods, processed meat, nd sugary drinks that we all love. For now I'm leaning towards it; hovering around it; feeling curious.

2. Birthday!

This weekend -- tomorrow, in fact -- we are having Kate's Sweet 16 birthday party. She had originally asked if we would rent a cabin in the mountains, and drive her and 5 or 6 friends there to have a party and spend one night. "You and Dad can stay, too," she generously offered! Hahaha! We respectfully declined the whole thing, and I don't know where she got the idea that that was even a possibility (well, I do know: her friend had a little overnight trip to Callaway Gardens for her 16th birthday, which Kate got to attend). Anyway, we said we would sure do a nice party at our house for her, and so that is what we're doing. 

Yesterday we bought supplies. Today and tomorrow will be busy with preparations, I guess, but also she is taking her driving test at 1:30pm. All of this makes me feel a bit panicky, I will admit. But we can do it.

3. Organization and Planning

Related: Lately I am having the hardest time with organization and planning ahead. As in, I'm just incapable of it. I have tried, ohhhhhh, have I tried. I have a new year-at-a-glance calendar at my office, dutifully filled with the known events and dates for which I must plan. I try to set reminders. I have a paper planner. And I've made list after list after mind-map, brain-dump, list. Still, I can't seem to prioritize them properly so that I know, without doubt or distraction, what I need to accomplish on a given day. 

Not having concrete goals is probably a factor. Wisdom says you set the goal, you determine the steps needed to reach the goal, then you start taking the steps. In my current job, though, there are either too many goals, or none at all.

I guess the job is getting done (ish), even without a plan, at work and at home. But I sure would feel better if my mind was organized and on top of things, instead of free-wheeling, usually at the last minute. Here's a good example: Kate and I are going to an out of town volleyball tournament next weekend. I've known about this tournament since October/November. I have a hotel room, my ticket for the weekend, and she is obviously registered. I know it's in Orlando. Beyond that -- nothing. No plans have been made, no tournament website has been studied for details. I'm just going to show up and hope it works out.

I wonder if it's just this season of life? It's possible I've felt this way since Alex was about a junior in high school. Anyway, I don't like it.

4. Kitty kidneys

One of our cats, Ash, is having kidney trouble. This is the third week, I guess, that we've been dealing with it. He was sick and not eating, and now he is a good bit better and eating a little more. An x-ray determined he had some stones or crystals in one kidney, and we paid the exorbitant amount for an ultrasound follow-up. We're waiting on results from that. I'm just ready to be done with the acute management and move on to maintenance (hopefully without any required surgeries). The poor thing. He is mad at me for giving him meds and putting him in his travel crate so many times this last few weeks. 

5. Care less = be happier

Just a reminder to myself! Hope you, too, are carefree and happy on this Friday.

Two Lessons, and the day to day

There are two big lessons that are making my life better right now, that I want to share if only to remember them. In mid-January, I started listening to season 3 of the podcast, "The Dream." Have you listened to this? Season 1 was about MLMs, and how insidious they are, built and run by hucksters and jerks. Season 2 moved into investigating the "wellness" industry, which is also a whole bunch of bunk. I love the reporting style of the podcaster, and I just eat up topics like that. Season 3 took a look at Life Coaching, and hoo-boy, more snake-oil and bullshit for my listening pleasure! It all spoke to me, somehow, more deeply than I expected.

A lot of life coaching is "mindset work" and positive thinking, which probably started with a book called "Think and Grow Rich," written in the 1930s by, guess what: a liar/criminal/cheat/huckster! One of the things I took from this, and a few other episodes, is that all of our striving, positive-thinking and  visualizing ourselves successful -- the American Dream, basically -- does a number on our health. Both mentally and physically -- high blood pressure from stress, heart conditions, pain, etc. (Another part of life coaching is often the instruction to eat a little better, and move your body more, and that nugget is what gets people feeling better, in my opinion, not the mental gymnastics.)

I'm not explaining this well, but what it all added up to, for me, a little lightbulb moment, was that I need to care LESS. No one needs "life coaching," we need to be a little more active, get some sunshine. And we don't need to aim for A-plus work, or climb any Ladder. For me personally, I don't need to assume that there's "something better," some job that I'll love and will naturally excel at. I don't need to "grow" or achieve more, or any of that. I can do my work, get my paycheck, full stop. The end. Care less, be happier. 

I don't know exactly how the math worked for my brain, but that's the first lesson. Care less. (Something in there, too, about how WOMEN strive to prove ourselves all the dang time, while many men in business just glide along, doing less but getting more. Not you, honey, I know how hard you really do work, with 110% effort.) 

The second lesson came to me in prayer. And it was, simply, that I can lay down the burden of hating my job. Just let it go. I don't have to hate it. I can let the hate of it dissolve at God's feet, I don't need it anymore. And that has been such a relief. After so many years at this job, with several managers along the way who weren't good people, or weren't good to me, I don't have to keep feeling that way. Lay down that burden.

I think it also has to do with this being my 50th year on earth. Birthday coming up in June! :) I am here, THIS job, this life are what I have. So I'd better find some way to enjoy it. It's the only chance I get. I mean, I've known this all along, but it's really clicked into place in my brain here lately. Find something to enjoy, otherwise you're spending your life miserable. And, no, I haven't been miserable about my whole life, family always been great, something to be grateful for. But you know -- work is a pretty big chunk of daily life. So care less, be happier, find something enjoyable in this. Don't hate it.

Which brings me to the day to day! We're in full-swing club volleyball season, so Kate has practice T/TH/Su, and for 2 more weeks-ish, I am still driving her there. It's going well, actually, because I'm finding ways to use the waiting time (podcasts! and walking!). I can hardly believe she will have her license that soon. And it will be a relief as well as another kind of stress, obviously. She's so excited. 

My "not cooking much" era continues. However, last week I made a minestrone soup, and decided I could eat soup every night for dinner if you let me. There are so many good kinds! Alas, my family is very much Against that idea. Too bad. 

I'm still seeing the chiropractor (more like a therapist), and my plantar fasciitis is not better. I am dealing with it. I know it's some kind of stress that is stuck; at least that's what she says. My back doesn't hurt (today). I've been working on engaging the deep core with some Pilates -- still less time for exercise than I'd like, overall, but it's a work in progress. 

I'm watching the Blue Zones on Netflix (LOVE - this is where I got the idea for minestrone), many seasons of The Great British Baking Show, and I'm happy Abbott Elementary is finally back. Shawn and I together are watching Reacher, and True Detective season 4, both good. And I finally got back into reading, at the end of January! I loved Daisy Jones and the Six, read it in one rainy day; and I am now loving (LOVING!) Steven King's Fairy Tale. 

I'd better get back to my job. Even though I'm not concerned about it! Haha! I like this way of being.