Pumpkin Spice Latte Day

Picture me with my red cup! Yummy.

It's Friday, 8:11 am and so far I'm still the only one in the office that I can tell. Did everyone take the day off and not tell me? No, my UK teammate just called me for a little chat. I learned that, on top of the confidential stuff happening here in the US, regarding which I've already been approached to "help cover responsibilities" (naturally) (again), our German teammate has just told us she has to have surgery on Dec. 4 and will likely be out until Janaury, so guess what? Can I "help cover responsibilities" for her, too?  WHY, SURE! This is so awesome!

I was remembering last year at my appraisal/review, and Ms. Meany-Pants boss told me one of the things I need to work on... hang on, let me dig out the sheet... ah, here it is... was being "Flexible." Let me read the delightful comment:

Score: 2/5 = Requires Development. While Lee is willing to pitch in when asked to, there are times when something is requested spontaneously and Lee's reaction seems a bit negative.... I do think that Lee has done a good job in adapting to so much change in the past year, but I would like to see her respond better to the changes in priority and the last minute pop up projects.

Hahahahaha! WELL. I think I've been PRETTY GOSH-DANG flexible, and I apologize in advance that I have not "developed" any further in that area but....it's because all the stupid crap is STILL HAPPENING. These idiots. They changed my job description without even telling me first. I WENT WITH IT. =flexible. And I actually don't think that I'm any more negative than anyone else, and if they say ANYTHING about it this year, I will be certain to throw names out. No one here is positive, because no decision ever makes sense, there is NO leadership -- and they continually DUMP on a few of us. They can't ding me for taking on the mood of the entire team, or for being A BIT NEGATIVE.

Sorry.

Didn't mean to get into all that. Incidentally, appraisals are due today, and no one has even bothered to mention mine (because my manager resigned, remember). Maybe I'll get out of it this year? Doubtful. But one can hope.

edited to add: my coworker in Germany is fine, I hear. I asked, I promise. I am concerned about her surgery, not just myself, despite how this reads.

Three days, including today, and then I will be on vacation. And even if it's busy with cooking and traveling and family gatherings, guess what? IT'S NOT HERE.

(I actually can't wait for the cooking and family gatherings. Love you, Mom and Dad -- see you soon!) 

Freebie

We had a power outage today at office building - an accident of some sort, so whole city blocks were without power. I was sent home to finish out the day on my laptop. Total gift and luxury to be able to work at home -- alone, with no kids to supervise / feel guilty about. I sat outside for the first hour and a half, writing an article and submitting it for approval.

After that I came inside and treated myself to a half-hour yoga session, just because I can. It was crappy -- Namaste TV, I think? hastily found on YouTube -- but full of breathing, (a little too fast for my taste), which I needed. I needed to "empty of everything" and fill it with breath. I was extremely frustrated by work yesterday evening, and once again flustered/flummoxed by Kate this morning. We're working on it. I'M working on it. (She doesn't want to work on it much.) But I was drained and needed that extra, quiet breath.

My "new" (old?) annoying manager resigned today. That's confidential. When I found out, I just laughed out loud. She was well on her way to being fired, anyway, as long as we're talking confidentially. Today at lunch we discussed how she uses several little tricks to make it seem like she's still in the office -- always leaves her computers on, lights on, even leaves a bag kind-of half open, near her desk, chair pushed back -- as if she's just gotten up for a coffee or a quick ladies' room visit -- but it'll be 3:30 pm and she'll just never come back. Her bosses and the important people had begun to notice. That among other things. But nope, she went ahead and resigned herself. One week notice. Hahahahahaha. I just can't even. This place is never devoid of something interesting or dramatic. I do wonder what in the hell will happen next.

My own workload seems to be full (I have to tell them frequently what is "my capacity" -- lately I've just been saying I'm at "max capacity" or above), because the idea of new assignments just sends me spinning. I can't even GET TO some of the existing assignments, or heaven forbid, come up with any NEW strategies or plans, just to be a leader / idea-bringer. Wouldn't that be nice? But it'll never happen. I feel so guilty sometimes, that my parents paid a big walloping college tuition bill for me to be still doing a low-on-the-totem-pole job (even though I do have a nice-sounding title). How did that happen? I did everything right, really -- the internships, the "paying of entry-level dues..." it's just that the companies I've landed at haven't had anywhere much for me to go. I mean, I'm writing now, at least there's that -- something I like and am good at, and have been doing consistently for a while, but I don't necessarily feel like an "expert" at it. [Well, especially not when they still feel the need to EDIT ME so much, when I AM supposed to be The Editor. Global Content Specialist, I mean, right? That sounds important, or like I would have THE authority over the writing at the company. But nope, I don't.]

Sometimes I wonder if I'll find THE THING late in life. Like, I'll finally be inspired to write a book (lately I've been thinking it would be about my interesting (?) 20+ years in a cubicle) when I'm in my fifties or something. And will sell it to a real publisher and do book tours and speaking engagements. Haha. Is that a wish/dream/hope? I don't know. Maybe. But will that story even be useful by the time I'm in my fifties?

Whew, all that fast breathing must have gotten to me. Stream of consciousness is not a bad thing, though. Gets the dust out of the corners sometimes.

Anyway, I am enjoying a somewhat free day. :)

Choir, on a positive note

Let me just start this with a huge Siiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhh. Because that is, in general, how I feel by Thursday night at 7:00 p.m. I donnnnnn't wanna.

But yesterday I decided to talk myself out of that crap. To direct my thoughts a little. To TELL myself, "I am going to choir because I enjoy singing. I enjoy being with these funny people. I am furthering my music education, and I like doing that." I don't know what all exact words I used. But during the drive there, I kept thinking it. When I got there, one of the men who drives me a little bit crazy pulled up at the same time I did. But I stopped myself from rolling my eyes (not that I would ever do so TO his face, just inside my own car), and instead tried to think, "How do I want this person to see me? As "that nice young lady who's always so kind to me." Not as, "That soprano who always seems tired and a little closed off."

I've also been trying to think of vocal breathing as another kind of yoga breathing. They're not the same thing, obviously, but breathing is good either way. :)

So, last night's rehearsal was better, with a positive intention behind it. I also remembered that choir can be my only time to (sorry for the cliche) "break open the Word" a little bit. The hymns we sing, of course, are usually based on Scripture, and Lord knows I don't have (make) time to read it. When it speaks to me personally, which happens a lot, hey, that's a lovely bonus. "Singing is praying twice," and all.

Anyway, life. It's true we humans are learning all the time, and still haven't figured it all out. More for me to be diligent about. :)

Trying my Best to Magnify/Multiply the Good Stuff!

• About 2 weeks ago, while I was stressing out over what the heck content I could use to fill up some pages of my (work) magazine, out of the blue I got a pitch from a trusted writer that was just perfect! Paid her $300 and thanked her Very Much! 
• Our babysitter is almost always available. Whether I need her for an evening out (this coming Saturday) or for a full day (one of last month's random SJCS student holidays), she's up for it, and will come at 7:00 a.m. if I ask her. We totally lucked into her, too, through one of Shawn's co-workers.
• Kate and I had a big talk last night and thus hope to resolve morning-rush stress once and for all. She wants to do better, I can tell. Bless her little heart. I am so proud of her.
• You should SEE these kids' school pics. Wait, I'm going to share them: 

Already on my desk and we just got them yesterday. Look how grown up! Alex looking more like his Daddy, and Kate looking like a tiny fashion model, if I do say so myself! She thought her hair was "messed up," but I think it's perfection. #unbiased

• We've hit a rhythm for weeknights, I think. Who goes where, when, and who picks up, and how to have dinner as a family, still, most nights of the week.
• Halloween went off without a hitch. First time the kids trick-or-treated without each other, Alex at one friend's and Kate at another's (with us). I didn't even get a photo of them together in their costumes. Felt so left out of the Facebook fun, I have to say! 
• November is here, and that means Thanksgiving, my favorite! All the food to look forward to! I have already made Pumpkin Corn Chowder and Pumpkin Dip that you eat with graham crackers. I might overdose on pumpkin but I would die happy. ;)