Nothing Changes, Summer edition

I had a realization in 2023 that it was the last summer I needed to worry or feel guilty about not being around for lazy days, for ice cream runs, for swimming pools, for driving kids to and from activities. THIS summer, 2024, both kids can drive themselves! My motherhood-long problem with summer is finally solved! 

Except... not fully.

Alex is home from UGA, and so far, does not have a summer job. He has applied at a few little places. He has not done much follow-up. And so, he's been home a fair amount. Last week/weekend, both his girlfriend and his best friend were out of town. He was bored and a bit restless, although he did go to the gym a few times, and read a book or two.

But I felt GUILTY on the days that I had to come to my office and leave him at home with the cats.  

Is it my fault that he doesn't have a job? No. Is it my job to entertain him, a nearly-20-year-old? Also no. Do I feel bad about it anyway? Of course I do. I imagine him feeling abandoned, like, "I come home and they just keep going on with their lives, like I don't even matter anymore." Which, I know, is melodramatic and verrrrry far-fetched.

Kate has a lot of friends nearby with pools from which to choose, and a car to drive herself there, and yet I still feel like I "SHOULD" take days off and go shopping with her/them (with Alex too, for that matter; he especially needs new clothes), or, that I'd be a better mom if we could lay by the pool together, sipping from our insulated cups. This is patently ridiculous - we shop enough, lord knows, online. And any teen could confirm, she wouldn't really want me at the pool with her and her friends (the horror)! But I still feel that WISH for things to be different than they are. Why?! Is it because so many of my mom-friends seem to be teachers, or run their own businesses and thus, can have pool days whenever they want? Is it just my innate laziness, wishing to be a lady of leisure? Don't we all? I wish I knew, or more precisely, I wish I could make those desires go away and just accept How It IS. 

Anyway: I still hate summer, although thankfully the super-hot temperatures that contribute to my negative feelings about the season have not quite yet arrived.

I don't want to end on that, however. We're dropping Kate off at camp this weekend, so I know she'll be having fun for the next 2 weeks -- though this year, as a 16-year-old, I think she'll miss home (her friends) moreso than any other year. And we're celebrating my birthday next week -- my BIG birthday! I'm doing a lot of introspective things lately, feeling good and at peace about the milestone of 50. I'm hopeful and trusting that 50 is going to be a good year. 

I'm grateful, grateful, grateful, and my birthday is also part of summer, so I should focus on that instead. :) 

Re-Org

Not a re-org at my office, just in my brain. 

I'm just finding that I really need to SHIFT my mind, and in order to do that, I need to clean things up. So I have re-skimmed my trusty 2007 productivity book, whose lessons are still useful even if the language ("get a PDA or smartphone to help you!") is a bit out of date. I spent the better part of Monday and Tuesday re-working my digital system (in Outlook), creating new Categories, Sub-Categories and Folders, which I hope to use wisely to block time on my calendar and meet my Objectives! Whew!

It's all a bit exhausting at the front-end, but I feel like the situation of my brain being a constant jumble of to-dos and thoughts has got to change in order for me to function better. The next step is a clean sweep of the old Tasks, as well as an attempt to Zero the Inbox. !!

Just this second, I thought, "Maybe I should take my laptop with me to the volleyball tournament this weekend, and delete emails while there?" Of course it would depend on the wi-fi connection in the giant convention hall... but, hmmm, that could be a good use of some time in-between games that is generally ...very wasted time. 

We have also re-org'd Kate's bedroom. It's been... a project. Understandably, she wanted to upgrade from the "little girl" room she had. It has meant all new furniture, which you wouldn't think is necessary, but it was true her dresser drawers did not open very far, did not hold a lot of clothes, and our girl has a LOT of clothes. She chose the new headboard, dresser, nightstand, and vanity (still to be delivered). It's all really pretty, and today, fingers crossed, we will sell the old bed with its heavy bookcase headboard to an acquaintance from church/school. I'm ready to have the guest room back in some kind of order, as well, since that's where we've been dumping everything in the interim.

Anyway, lots happening over here! It's a Friday as I finish this post, but no rest for the weary --  tomorrow we have the "a.m. wave" for Kate's regionals volleyball tournament, which means we have to leave the house by 6:30 probably. But then we finish by about 3:00 pm, and can come home and crash, hopefully. Only to wake up Sunday and do it again. ;) 

It's May, after all! Every mom's favorite month!