More about happy

For those who don't know, my job is in e-business and PR. I do a lot of writing -- some web pages and articles, mostly short press releases, magazine articles, intro paragraphs, headlines, and e-newsletters about our company and our products, and related things. Health/wellness is a frequent topic, and something I'm personally interested in (though not good about sticking to my own self!). I do some hiring of freelance writers, some photography selection, and list/database maintenance of our subscribers.

In theory, I should love my work. Sure there's that database thing, but there are always administrative things about a desk job. Mostly the job is writing, and clearly, I like to write (blog much?). I always did well in school with papers, and studied languages so I should have a good command of the English one. (Save for that last sentence.) However, the writing doesn't always come easily to me. It's not like, "Oooh, today I get to write that article for XX magazine. Yay!" No. I procrastinate and fret over it. (When I finally dig in, I'm fine.) One important note,I LOATHE doing interviews, which is pretty much required for writing well-informed news articles. I never had any intention of being a reporter, and my work does require a bit of that technique.

Tess's comment yesterday got me thinking. Of course I love some things about my particular job. My company is Good. I work close to home. They're flexible and family-friendly. It allows me my lifestyle. Plus, I get to work with photography/design. But somehow I still don't love the work I do. But I hear of people who own a business - like, say, a lovely little bakery. Or who work with animals. Or... I don't know, actors?... who really get a rush from the actual WORK they do.

I would like to have that, someday.

So it seems I should be on the lookout for a different job. Really take the plunge and FIND what it is that would make my heart sing. I even know how to explore this: I've read self-help books before. Volunteer. Take a class. Network in my off-time.

Oh the other hand: Why can't I just be happy with the status quo? Why should I have to RISK things -- security, pay level, etc. -- when I already have such an amazing life? Shouldn't I just be GRATEFUL for what I have and not focus on the small details that maybe aren't so great? I mean, life isn't guaranteed to be 100% wonderful. And work requires work, otherwise they wouldn't call it that.

I think I'm going around in circles. But parsing it out is helpful, so bear with me.

I did contemplate some things that could be personal "Resolutions," if I were going to try a Happiness Project.

1. Breathe deeply throughout the day. (being mindful, stopping the "I don't like this, I'm bored" monologue in my head for a few minutes to just Be... etc.)


2. Listen to more music. Seriously, I need to fire up the iPod MUCH more often for a mood lifter.


3. Dress well. (Dress better.) This might seem silly, but since my company is so great, we don't have to dress up in heels and hose all the time. But when I wear pants that don't fit well, or a plain t-shirt that I bought at Target 2 years ago... it does nothing for my mood. (Duh.) One reason I work is so I can afford things, and nice clothes need to be one of those things. I've dressed better the last couple of days (IMHO), and I HAVE felt better. Not to mention more professional. (Own it!)


4. Connect with people each day. Including my husband. Sometimes we're just on auto-pilot, you know? We talk, but don't really engage. At work, too -- instead of a non-committal, "Hey, how are you?" I need to put some effort into it. ASK people about their families. Don't hole up in my cubicle, counting down 'til 4:30 pm.

It's time I really work on this, and I'm going to start with these little ideas. Everybody knows if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. ;)

Happy

I've been thinking a lot about happiness.

For one thing, on Sunday morning DH called me out for being generally "serious." Not a bad thing, just the way I am, he said. I pouted for the rest of the day about it. See, in my mind I turned it around so that serious = "no fun," which is not what he was implying, but just the way my mind sometimes works. (We talked about it and it's fine -- Honey, I only bring it up because it fits in with the story.)

Aside from that, I've been looking at a blog called The Happiness Project, for work actually. Gretchen Rubin, the blog's author, has done a year-long study of a ton of theories about happiness. She's read books, analyzed research, etc. It's interesting. Kind-of a self-help book, which I'm sometimes drawn to, but in a more detatched way. Like, "I'm studying these self-help (hippie-dippie meditation) principles... not applying them to my life necessarily."

Now. Exactly what I do NOT NEED is another Project to tend. (Speaking of which, someone throttle me the next time I bring up the 30-Day Shred, okay? Let's just put an end to those declarations once and for all.) And in reading Start your own Happiness Project, I get all flustered and overwhelmed because there's a Toolbox and you're supposed to make resolutions, captial R. In my experience, those are sometimes a recipe for failure, and for KNOWING your own failure, because you wrote them down and then if you don't get to check them off... Doom. FAIL.

So I may or may not sign up on her site. However... I like the idea of being more mindful and aware of my level of happiness. Not meditating, per se, but pausing to breathe every so often.

I have more to say (I think) about this -- part of which is that I find myself too often unhappy, and I can't figure out why. Hormones play a part, but it's mostly about my work. Earlier this week I was lolling the words "life coach" and "career coach" around in my head, because even though I like my job okay, I don't jump out of bed excited about it. I don't even walk into the building excited. It's just a job. And They Say...Theyyyyyyyy!.... that people really exist who LOVE what they do.

I want to believe that, but I'm not sure I do. I think anything you do as work -- repetitively, every day, and specifically in order to earn money -- will sometimes feel like work, not like fun. But I could be wrong. So I want to explore it a little more. Anyone with insight? Anyone reading this who truly adores their job? Please tell me about it.

I also wanted to share this post (read the comments too) with my fellow parenting buddies. It's got some great tips and tricks.

Good morning

Jillian Michaels and I are friends again thanks to Comcast's On Demand, and yesterday I did Day One, Level One of the Shred. ....Owwwww..... My shoulders, thighs and abs are making themselves known today. I saw Kristen Chase's amazing results -- note, that is 7 months' worth of doing the DVD, not 30 days -- and maybe I got motivated. With my jaw hanging open! Does she not look amazing??? I SO want to do 30 consecutive days, but GEEZ,it's hard to fit it in -- even just 20 minutes. I know, I know, get up earlier, and after the kids go to bed... what I did yesterday, actually, was to go home at lunch and do it, which might be the best option for me, thank you Job-Six-Miles-From-House. But still, time. TIIIIIIIIME. There's never enough of it.

Anyway I'm attempting, once again, to try. Stupid ten pounds.

Today I can't get home at lunch to work out, because instead I'm going to our photo studio for a product shoot. I love that I get to say things like that. Having art and photography as part of your job is pretty cool. In fact, since I began working, that part about it has always made me smile. I'm sure I've mentioned one of my early days in my first job, toting around a big binder of 35mm slides, from which I needed to choose some images for a brochure. I couldn't believe that a job really existed where I got to choose photos, using my loupe at a big light table, and get paid for it. Funny thing, though, I've never wanted to BE a photographer. The word "aperture" scares me unnecessarily.

Recap full of gratitude

Maybe the best way to start off a Monday would be in reflection. This weekend, as I announced on Facebook, was crazy-full of activities, and as it turned out, a record-breaking COLD one. So while my face is now raw from the wind, my heart, I guess, is softened and happy...? or something?

Thursday evening I took AJ to the school's monthly skating party. THAT was a flashback in time! My school did the same thing when I was in 7th grade. So funny. He had a blast, and I chatted with some other moms, who were nice. (BFF wasn't there, so I had to make do. Heh.) At our school they pair up each Kindergartener with a "Fourth Grade Buddy." It's a rather big deal -- they sit with each other during weekly Masses -- and so I was impressed when Kyle, AJ's buddy, came and introduced his mom to me. And she couldn't have been sweeter. This school makes me get teary every other day, I swear. It's such a community. During the dance contest, when all the kids were out on the skating rink in their sock feet, doing the Macarena, and little AJ was running/sliding/whirling/shaking and generally having the time of his life, I said to myself, "Is there anything better than a moment like this? Watching 100 kids laugh and dance?" There's really not.

Work sponsored a bike race on Saturday, and the best part about it was stopping at Panera Bread afterwards and having corn chowder in a sourdough bowl. (Man, those sourdough bowls -- a treat very rarely allowed! MMM CARBY CARB GOODNESSMRFHMMMM.) We were cold since we started at 7:00 am; the race wasn't as organized as it could have been, it eventually started to rain, and... just.. that soup was awesome. I did enjoy volunteering at an aid station, it's too bad about the weather.

Later, daycare had its annual Fall Festival. It's always funny for the little ones to see their teachers all dressed up in costume. KT was so confused. She thought, too, that the best part of the day was warm liquid fortification in the form of hot chocolate. She tried the moon-walk jumpy thing, giggled once, fell down, and promptly wanted out. I don't blame her.

We went from there to our friends' home for their annual Pumpkin Carving party and bonfire, where AJ and his daddy were awarded the Grand Prize for best jack-o-lantern. The hostess told me later it was because she asked AJ how he came up with the design and he answered, "I used my brain." HAAAA! Little smart-ass! Though I don't think he intended to sound like one, he was just being honest.

He's given me lots of opportunities over the last few days to be impatient, and I, unfortunately, have delivered. FIVE IS HARD. This morning I uttered a classic Mom phrase: "That child is going to kill me... or else I'm going to kill HIM."

So patience is what I prayed for during Mass yesterday. And I was glad to report that we made it to Mass. Bundled up, and everything. The choir is sounding better, I think, with their new director, and I'm still not ready to rejoin them despite lots of waffling about it.

(Oh, speaking of waffles, I hope I won the Breakfast Basket from the Fall Festival's silent auction -- it had a waffle maker in it.)

Anyway, patience. And gratitude.

Girl crush

On the heels of that post about my dearest friend from high school (and still today!), and how much I miss her, I can report that I have a potential new friend made through AJ's school. This has been on my to-do list, because long-distance friends are wonderful, but local friends are sort-of imperative.

I say "friend," but I guess we're still really in the flirting, getting-to-know-you stage. I sat next to her briefly at the very first classroom orientation in August and was struck by her adorable haircut and put-together outfit. Hee. I was like Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock, feeling like I looked studious, but probably disheveled. She was dressed like I wished to be -- a sort-of Katie Couric to my Tina. Hee. She told me that night where she works, and I thought, "Dingdingding! Another working mom - we can relate to each other, SCORE." Maybe she will be less able, like me, to meet people by volunteering from 8-3 at the school.

So at the Kindergarten Moms' coffee 2 weeks ago, we waved and sat near each other... but not too near, both of us wanting to remain open to other friendships, and not seem stalker-y. (At least, that was what I was doing.) I nearly emailed her that day after the coffee, but hesitated.

This past weekend, finally, the school had its annual fall picnic, and (hooray!) she was one of the first faces I saw when we arrived. We introduced our husbands and followed each other around the whole day, really. (Puppy love!) I'm being silly, but really, it does seem like she's as interested in being my friend as I am in being hers. (oh, how the heart flutters!) Her daughter sits at the same table as AJ. Fate! We both work in marketing. We have a mutual friend/acquaintance, it turns out. She even cries at Disneyworld like me. (You know how it is, the MAGIC and the DREEEEEAMS and all.)

This friendship is obviously meant to be. I have to tell myself to act natural. Smile. (Not too much!) Hi, my name is...

I miss you

I remember Fridays were when we wore our short skirts to school, and put ribbons in our hair. It was great unless we had to wear the bulky sweater with the big letter safety-pinned onto the front. Or the itchy wool green skirt.

Fridays were when we got out of afternoon classes a bit early in order to stretch and get ready for the pep rallies. (We didn’t need to be in classes, anyway, we were much too smart for them.)

Fridays we sometimes just stayed at school until the games started – although I can’t remember exactly what we did for dinner... Taco Bell?

Fridays we decorated lockers and stadium corners with balloons and posters (I know this because there is yearbook evidence).

Fridays as the sun went down, we glittered and smiled and jumped high into the air. These were the days before our knees couldn’t take that kind of punishment.

Fridays we looked into the stands, or onto the field, at whatever boys we were drooling over at the time. In between cheers we watched them and hoped they turned to watch us once in a while.

Fridays we shouted at everyone to “Come on, everybody, clap your hands!”

Fridays we -- you and I -- probably walked arm in arm, grinning, gossiping. We carried our sports bags and our pom-poms with pride. Or at least that is how I want to remember it.

Some Fridays we spent the night at your house. I don’t remember spending the night at mine, but surely we did, right? Those were the best times. What is more fun than staying up late, playing with makeup, and watching movies in the dark?

Fridays. Game days. Long-ago, happy days.

From the hallowed halls of FB Notes

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy!

Next, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :)

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Coffee. W/FF half n half, Splenda, and a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
In my downstairs bathroom, by me.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
Yes! And Rock Band, too. (Am I answering this HONESTLY??? It's very important.)

4. Name someone who made you laugh today.
It's early, no one has yet. Oh wait, I was skimming Twitter and @Sundry's photo link made me laugh.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
11:00. But I napped from 8:30 to 9:00... ;)

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Depends on where. In a heartbeat I'd go to Pensacola if good jobs were available. And lately I've been wanting to move to a new house.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes. New Years Eve/Day (midnight) of this new millenium (2000). :)

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on facebook?
Other than DH (obviously), it would have to be my neighbor J.S.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
It depends. I am (Facebook) friends with 2 exes, and not at all with one. Luckily they all live far away.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
I feel good about it. (What?) No, I like it. Reminds me of Texas. I wish more restaurants served Diet Dr. Pepper.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Hmm. I don't know.

12. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
The kids, posing with their great-uncle this past weekend.

13. Was yesterday better than today? What happened yesterday?
Today is young. Yesterday was nothing special. I met with some new employees, went out to lunch with a friend, worked, and then our T-ball game was cancelled due to wet field conditions. I was somewhat blah-feeling, for no apparent reason. I had a headache. We ate tortellini for dinner, it was Bath Night, and I did a load of laundry. Let's hope today WILL be better than that!

14. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes but I normally don't.

15. Are you upset about anything?
Not at the moment.

16. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Definitely. (Hello, teenage person who wrote the questions.)

17. Are you a bad influence?
Oh yes, I lead people right down the path to hell. (Oh, sorry, that's a lie.)

18. Night out or night in?
With DH I like both - can't decide. With the girls? In. I am not one for going out clubbing. *shudder*

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
Car. Coffee. Pen.

20. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Knock on wood, I rarely have to visit anyone in the hospital. I guess it would be my Mom, when she came here in 2005 and got appendicitis.

21. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
I, uh... don't really text. (Am lame!) I'm sure I have a message...

22. How do you feel about your life right now?
I'm very grateful and trying to keep that in the forefront. Honestly I feel tired. And happy in my little family. And torn about working, always.

23. Do you hate anyone?
I dislike quite a few people but I don't use the word hate.

24. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?
Messages.

25. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes

26. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes

27. What song is stuck in your head?
Viva La Vida by Coldplay

28. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
I'm supposed to say, "Edward," right? In truth, I don't want anyone knocking on my window, ever. That's creepy.

29. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
No. Hear me, AJ, KT? NOOoooo.

30. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Tomorrow (Thurs) I have to send out a marketing update to my entire company.

31. Do you think too much or too little?
Too much

33. Do you smile a lot?
Not enough.

The one hour that isn't full

It's hard to write a blog post without whining about how busy I am, so that's why I've been keeping quiet. It's like, NO DUH, right? We're all busy to one extent or the other, that's what makes it A LIFE. I'm trying to remember that and be more grateful.

I just find that I'm having a hard time accepting that "busy" isn't going to change. This IS the status quo. Too many to-do's is just the right number, I guess. How come no one ever told me? I have a college degree and 12... no, 13 years of professional experience, and have been fully unprepared for this one bit of information. Unprepared for having 2 digital and 2 paper calendars that I can't seem to sync into one Master Calendar. Unprepared for squeezing in grocery-shopping (last week we made do with little more than some canned green beans and Totino's... oh, and a KFC night thrown in for variety).

But I said I wasn't going to talk about it. Ahem. Backup backup backup.

...um... what's up?

Last night I watched Desperate Housewives for the first time. I was previously unconvinced of its worth, and last night didn't exactly change my mind, except... well, there were these small moments of excellent acting. Teri Hatcher and Felictity Huffman both, at separate times, gave the exact, subtle look to go along with whatever line they'd just delivered, and I was sort-of blown away by those 2 looks. And I don't know anything about acting beyond "chorus enters stage left, in silent conversation" (watermelon, peanut butter, watermelon, peanut butter? Oh? Ah! Watermelon. Peanut butter).

So that's what I've got, other than busy. Television.