Freelance gig feelings

I just want to remember how I felt doing a recent little writing job, after a friend read the email I sent out about being on the hunt for a better job, and/or wanting to start freelance work. 

My client was her marketing agency, for their client, a well-known fast food chain headquartered here in town. It was a tiny little job -- just writing some headline options for a menu board. 

But it required me to be creative, which is something that has disappeared from my 9 to 5 these last 2 years. The first 13 years, I was writing articles for our magazine, and then for our websites; writing product descriptions, and even asked, from time to time, to come up with marketing content for promo campaigns. Relatable text, "punny" or pop-culture referenced, to catch attention. (Was it always used? No. Once the graphic designer got hold of it, she typically wrote her own text despite having asked me to provide something. That was frustrating.) But since 2023's mess, and budgets being slashed, and various other things taking place like corporate HQ deciding to do all the creative for all the countries, there's been nothing. I was worried my Creativity skill had run dry.

This project proved that wrong. :) I felt like I had good ideas. Some of them came to me in the shower. While driving. While trying to fall asleep. But there were ideas! And they were unique. I was asked to present 5-7 concepts, and I came up with 6, surprising myself (7 seemed like soooo many, I wasn't sure I would have it in me). 

It was a welcome energy rush, I have to say. Made me feel confident, like I could do this freelance thing. Even more so when the agency came back with compliments, no notes. I only spent about half the time I had estimated for the project, which means I won't get paid as much as I would have liked. So that's a lesson for the future. But maybe... there's a future. At least on the side.

I'm not even sure I would fully focus on writing, if I tried to start up a business -- I'd rather do proofreading and editing, which I'm told is a skill that's in demand. But a gig is a gig! I'm proud of myself for the work I did, and kind-of hungry for more. It was nice to test the waters and be reminded that I CAN DO IT.

9 to 5 update: I have a new boss. Again. He's much nicer and much more capable than any we've had recently, so that's good. I know it's not good timing to be looking for jobs during the holidays, so that's on pause for now - I was looking pretty heavily from Aug-Sept. We'll see how I feel at the end of January; that should be enough time to tell about him. I hate that his coming on board has stalled my "Get Me Out of Here" momentum once again. But best to take it one day at a time, I suppose. Do my best, get paid. (Or, put another way: please click but NSFW hahaha I love this woman.)

Hello and How Are You?

Here it is, nearly MAY! Can you believe it? The past month has been so incredibly full, and I've tried to stay present in the moments, but that has been a challenge with Future Things always begging for my attention. A quick recap: 

• April began with a 2-day trip to Panama City Beach in FL for part of our Spring Break. It was nice! Kate brought a friend, and it was wonderful for her to have that added element of fun; in fact, there were several other of their Georgia friends also enjoying the Gulf Coast, so for her it was really a very social vacation. Even Shawn and I had some friends down there, and we met up with them for dinner one evening. Fun! The condo was adequate, though not extravagant. Slightly bigger than the condo we are used to in Destin, but of course this was in a 30-story tower. Elevator access was our main complaint - we had to wait at least several minutes every time we wanted to go up or down (we were on the 14th floor). But overall it was fine. The sun and sand were delightful and we sat there doing NOTHING, 2 days straight. Five Stars for doing nothing! The water was much too cold, as can be expected in early April in north Florida. 
• The next weekend was Easter, which was weird for all of us. Alex didn't come home. Shawn had left town for a concert the night before, and wasn't home on Easter morning. Kate and I went to Mass and then to breakfast, but it didn't feel right. We made Easter dinner around 5 pm but I was also disappointed with that meal - I bought a Honey Baked Ham but I didn't find it as delicious as usual, and my deviled eggs weren't pretty. At least the lemon icebox pie was good.
• There was a 2-day volleyball tournament halfway across town the next weekend (we woke up at 4:45 both mornings), and then Sunday afternoon I left for Germany!
• The work trip to headquarters was actually quite nice, even though I have things to complain about: 1) I got sick on the way there, sore throat and stuffy nose the whole week; and 2) rainy, cold weather. But otherwise, my colleagues were delightful and I love Bavaria. I also got to meet a distant cousin of mine who is German! My parents had met him years ago when they visited Germany, and so Mom connected us. A little awkward to share a meal with someone you've never met, who's "all of a sudden" related to you. But nice nonetheless and definitely a trip highlight.
• I flew home last Friday, then we had volleyball regionals Sat-Sun, and then Mon-Tues we hosted a national sales meeting at OUR office, oh my! 10 sales reps plus some attendees from Germany! I gave a presentation (worked on it at the airport/hotel last week) and was told it was "inspiring." Ha! Not sure I believe that, but okay, thanks.
• You'd better believe I worked from home Wednesday.
  
  
• Also on Wednesday, I "graduated" from Physical Therapy! 8 weeks and many deductible dollars later, my foot still hurts in the mornings, but definitely less so. I'm going to keep working on lower-body strength and stretching 3x/week, and hope hope hope it fully heals eventually. 

I'm ready to move on to a new month! I can't think critically about much else besides my calendar these days, but would like to share with you:

• what I think about our recent Every Plate meals
• movie recommendations (I watched several during my 9-hour flights!)
• reflections on the kids' first years in college (alex), and high school (kate) - can't believe the schoolyear's almost over!
• what I'm reading (hint: not much)

Maybe there will be time for these things soon. :) 

Celebrating Love and Little Victories

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate it. ;) I know there are those who don't, and who don't like it, especially the commercialism of it. I don't like these aspects:

• that restaurants are so stupid-busy on the day, and the weekends surrounding
• that there's pressure to celebrate it, no matter what (like, nowadays you're supposed to go big on SELF-LOVE if you're not IN love, and I mean... just stop)
• that people are lonely
• that I feel like I'll never live up to how I'm "supposed" to celebrate it

Ugh. But I do love and appreciate:

• many opportunities for chocolate
• sweet words from my husband, who is a GEM and I'm keeping him
• spa gift cards from the same, because he is a master gift-giver, noticing when I complain of aches and pains

Today, we are celebrating with volleyball practice (Kate) and the weekly cornhole game (Shawn)! I have a cookie cake ready and waiting for us at 9:00pm when we all see each other again, minus Alex of course, who's having his first Valentine's Day away from home. We will get to see him this weekend when he pops home for a quick visit (with Ashling). ;) It's her birthday on Thursday. 

And it's Kate's birthday tomorrow -- 15 on the 15th! Hard to believe. We can't really celebrate tomorrow, since it's a school/work day. But she has the week off next week, so she's (we're) hosting a few of her high school friends for brunch on Monday. A Pancake Bar, I believe, is the plan. She has such creative ideas [read: gets them from social media], like making a photo backdrop with 9 heart-shaped balloons, if only I will move two framed art pieces from that one wall in the living room, lol. I hope I don't stifle her with my skepticism. I took a half day so I can help her cook and prepare, and then I fully expect to be hidden away in my room for the bulk of the party, because you know teen girls don't want Mom there watching them! (Will I feel under-appreciated? Yes.)

Since my last post, work has calmed down somewhat, now that January is over. I'm finding a little groove, I hope, but I still don't fathom how anyone expects a company with 1500 retail customers (in the US) to "do marketing" with one person on the marketing staff. Make it make sense. 

Still, some little victories:

• I got the 2023 product catalog finished and published
• I created, with the help of a freelancer, the Spring Invitation, coupon and mini-poster
• I have successfully called and conducted some meetings
• I got the 15 swimsuits to FL for the fashion show
• I got two new salespeople trained
• I got the swimwear sales sheet to the sales team
• I wrote the online descriptions for the new products when the ecommerce team refused to take that task over (!! rude!)
• I have shipped out a ton of FedExes to various people who need them (so much shipping gah), and ordered more FedEx supplies
• I have ordered business cards and nametags for people, and an important document from Global; printed and delivered 
• I have processed invoices for payment

I want to remember all of that for posterity. It kicked my butt. 

Moving on! I'm trying again with managing my diet. I bought V8 so it's Serious. This time I'm using MyNetDiary, the free version, to track calories, because food is the hardest part for me but I don't want to give up carbs or sugar completely. I need to eat what I eat, just be mindful of how much. So far it's going well (2 days in). If I need extra help, I plan to pay for the Premium version for a month or two. At the moment I'm in the "LET'S DO THIS" honeymoon phase. I bought new snacks and lots of vegetables. I'm mad at diet culture but still want to feel better in clothes, lose 10 pounds, for my health and to prevent other issues, etc etc blah blah. 

Right after the Valentine's chocolates and birthday cake, lol. Love to you, my bloggy friends!

New Year, New Job?

Oh, golly, y'all, things have been a whirlwind. My manager was let go from the company last Monday. They're not replacing her position. 

Guess who's going to take up the slack? 

I've been through all the emotions already; am probably on my second round of the emotions. Grief, anger, disbelief, curiosity, WHY ME, and overwhelm. I'm trying to get my feet back under me, now that the rug has been pulled and the figurative papers are swirling around my head. Each day is a little better, I guess, but I'm still not thrilled about it. Remember my 2023 goal to "prioritize and organize my work life?" Heh. Thanks, Universe, for pushing that point, ha! Now I have even more things to fit into the puzzle and the daily round. 

She was responsible for all of our printing decisions, and while the main reason she was let go (budget) indicates I'll have to do a lot LESS printing, I'm not convinced of that. I mean, thankfully, I have a secret weapon in printing (Shawn!), my own personal consultant and advisor. But still, this is something I haven't had my hands in since 2008. So it's re-learning about paper and quotes and specifications. Not hard, just not what I've gotten used to.

There's some good in this plot twist, for sure. I've become, over these last years, quite comfortable in a position of "assistant." The last 2 or 3 years, in fact, I really embraced my role and accepted that I was meant to be the "best helper" I could be. It took a lot of pressure off. I would just do the work I was given, and that is fine, that's enough! It allowed me to take my workdays fairly easily, especially with Covid and work from home. I got things done on time, and worked, don't get me wrong. I just allowed myself to "go easy." Now, though, I'm not so much a helper as THE DOER of All things Marketing. The decision maker. The person people have to ask. 

The reason I say this is a good thing is, you know, necessary growth. Stretching myself. Owning my capability to handle it. (Ugh. I'd really rather be the assistant. SO much simpler.) I'm trying to think about, -- and this may be silly, but it helps me a little -- all the 20-something and 30-something women who come into new jobs with all this enthusiasm and confidence, somehow. I'm trying to think like that. To think of this as a brand-new job, one in which I need to impress and be decisive and take charge. Walking in with my hair and makeup perfect, having all the answers, asking the right questions - at least acting like I know what I'm doing, which is what most of the girls do. (I have the little advantage of already having been at the company 14 years.) 

It's so not my personality! But I guess I have to try to make it work for me. Maybe I'll be SEEN, for the first time since I started here (there have always been women above me whose personalities were BIGGER and who, I feel, definitely kept me a background character). That will be different. Can I be the A-student, leader-of-clubs, Dean's List, high achiever I used to be in school and my early career? I mean, I never was a big-time career "success," but at one time I did have that drive to achieve. Whew, it was long ago! Ha! I'll have to dig deep and remember how. 

On the very negative side, I miss my best work-friend. Things are not going to be the same without her.

Four Days In A Row

Y'all. I had to go to my office FOUR DAYS in a row this week. 

We had visitors from Germany (head office) and all over, and long meetings on Wednesday and Thursday. Bonus: We had 3 days of free lunches, woo! Detriment: These were not very healthy lunches, heh. I didn't mind so much that, as having to get fully dressed, with makeup, and do my hair, every day before 8:00 am! Whew! How did I used to do that every day?! My body and I do not remember at all.

But I survived it somehow, and it is TGIFriday and I am at my kitchen table again where I belong. I am wearing soft pants, I drank my coffee from a Christmas mug this morning instead of a metal tumbler (I dislike a metal tumbler SO much, because I do think it affects the taste), and I have lit a candle in honor of the occasion.

Naturally, I have lots of home-tasks that I would like to be working on today: Christmas loooooms! But December is always a very busy work month, too, ugh. So I'm trying to be focused on my laptop, minus this blog-break (I did two work tasks prior! I have worked)! I guess tonight after dinner (maybe, if I have any energy left) and tomorrow, I will work on the home things:

• Shipping presents to my parents and to Aunt Jane (today! I hope!)
• Making meal plans for the holiday break (Alex is home! Gotta make sure some of his faves are on the menu so he'll long for home when he goes back, lol)
• Shopping for the holiday break, including baking ingredients
• Cleaning the kitchen, before making more messes
• Making Christmas treats/cookies
• Duh, present-wrapping (my closet is a mess of hidden shipments and boxes)
• Addressing Christmas cards, ack, I am so behind on that!
• Getting starting with the guest room overhaul - I would like to rework the guest room significantly over break and that means taking a bunch of stuff to Goodwill or throwing it out

It's ambitious, I know. Maybe I'm crazy. Because we also need to make sure Alex gets his booster and flu shots while he's home, gets his car washed, and he has a couple of doctor appointments while he's here. AND I'd even like to have friends over once or twice, casually, during the break, just so it feels a little festive since we aren't traveling. As much as I want to see my parents and cousins in FL, we did so much traveling around Thanksgiving that I think we all need to have an at-home holiday. We'll see -- Shawn is considering another trip to Savannah while he has days off. I have plans to go to FL in late January, actually, with my sister. 

All's well. It's a busy time of year for everyone, so I'm not complaining. The sun is finally out, here in Georgia, and we have very cold temperatures, which feels right. Merry and bright, as December should be. I want to tell you about this excellent book I'm reading - maybe about several I've read in the past few months - and once I figure out the Christmas menus, that will be fun to talk about, too. Onward we go, with holiday sparkle in our steps! (Yesterday two albums brought me joy: the old favorite, Harry Connick Jr's When My Heart Find Christmas, and the brand-new Kings Return EP, A Merry Little Christmas, plus their version of O Holy Night -- it's incredible. 5 stars for both, highly recommend.) 

Lots of Proofreading and Memory-Making

It's a busy time for me at work. Our product catalog is in production, as well as another mini-catalog, so that means I'm doing a lot of proofreading. Most of our publications originate in Europe, so that means I change a LOT of "fibres" to "fibers" and "colours" to "colors." And all the "-ise" words to "-ize:" Realise, minimise, accessorise. It's tiresome, but easy work. I can put on an album and get into the flow of it. Our office has moved, but we're still waiting on final inspections before we can actually GO to the new building. I've seen my cute new office (I got a real room, not a cube, woo!), but I can't set my stuff up yet. I LOVE the idea of putting things away in an orderly new way. A place for everything (except all the old stuff I happily threw out) and everything in its place. I bought myself a little violet plant for my new desk (no windows, so it has to be something that does okay in fluorescents), and I have new school pictures to put in my 5x7" frames, so come on, building inspectors! For once, I want to be there! 

For a day or two. Then I want to work from home again. ;)

Updates: Band

Alex's senior marching band season has come to a close! Or, it will, tonight at the Fall Awards Reception. We made it! All the Friday afternoon/evening meals, all the competitions, all the football Fridays have finished, as well as our memorable trip to Orlando. The poor kids did not get to march in a parade at Universal  after all: Weather prevented it. I had seen the forecast for "90%" chance of rain, and thought, "Eh, it's Florida. It will rain for 10 minutes and then clear up again. This happens every afternoon." 

I was so wrong. It POURED rain from 6:00 am until 10:00 pm, non-stop and hard. And cold, for Florida. The high that day was about 65. But we put on our ponchos by golly and endured it, because we had paid money to be there! I guess the band kids were happier, even, because it meant more time on the rides than they would have had. 

Anyway, the Thrash family enjoyed our time at Hogwarts/Diagon Alley, drank our butter beer (yum), practiced magic with our $60 (!) wand, and rode every ride we could fit in. Most of them were simulators with 3D video, which I enjoyed at first. But I'm here to warn you: at age 47 after several of those in a row, the inner ear is not a happy inner ear. I closed my eyes in each of the last 5 or 6 rides we did, and breathed very deep, slow breaths. I still feel a little sick remembering it. 

On day 2, we hopped over to the Magic Kingdom, leaving Alex behind but happy to be in the Happiest Place on Earth. (We really did like Universal, though, and want to go back. Lots of rides were unavailable because of the rain.) I'm so glad we took Kate to Disney again. Last time she went, she was four years old. So this time was completely different -- we rode all the "roller coasters" they had. In quotes because Disney roller coasters are not very scary or big. She was scared of them! But brave! And we loved them all. Seven Dwarves Mine Train (a first for all of us), Big Thunder Mountain (my very favorite), and Space Mountain! We even stayed until the fireworks show (also a first! when the kids were little we never stayed late) at the castle. It was a Magical day, for sure. And we were so tired, after 2 days of it. But it was so worth it.

Volleyball

Club volleyball started last night with Kate's first practice. Here's what I was hoping for: All the moms who've done this before welcoming newbies like myself... someone asking where we live... perhaps finding a neighbor who asked did I want to carpool (the practice locations are a 25 minute drive for us)... coaches giving us parents a friendly welcome speech and "here's how it's going to work," and Kate receiving the $500 worth of uniforms I bought a month ago.

Exactly none of that happened. 

Maybe it will, on Wednesday when the practice is JUST our team (last night was a "master coaching" practice with a mix of several teams). But so far my eyebrow is raised. I can see 2 tournaments on the calendar so far, one local and one in Montgomery, which isn't too far away. So that's a positive...

Meals

When we got back from Orlando last Sunday, what sounded good and was easy was a good old spaghetti dinner. Yummy. The rest of the week we ate:

• Chicken enchiladas
• Chicken and Rice skillet
• BBQ shredded pork (bought for a fundraiser), which we've had two ways so far - once as sandwiches on buns, and once as a "pork plate" with green beans, baked beans, and King's Hawaiian rolls. There's still a lot leftover.

I'm planning one other interesting meal this week, which is:

• Pineapple Pork with Coconut Rice

I'd also like to make a tortellini/sausage soup recipe my sister sent me, but not sure anyone but me would eat it. Bummer. Maybe I should make some for my lunches.

Next week is Thanksgiving! Can you believe it?? We're going to Pensacola to be with my parents and I can't wait to make sausage dressing with my Mom, and Apple "Waldorf" Salad for my Dad. :)

Stress Dreams

I had 3 different stress dreams, maybe 4, last night. Want to hear about them? No, I'm sure you don't. But I want to record them, for some strange reason. Maybe just to clear my head. 

1. Tornado. Big, dark grey swirling storm was visible and then was clearly a large tornado and clearly coming for the 4 friends I was standing with. We were outside a strip mall. Obvs we went inside, opening the glass door of a little cafe-type place, but the glass door and another big glass window meant we could still see the storm approaching. The only thing I could do was grab onto the legs of what was right in front of me, a cheap coffee table. I woke up before it carried anyone up into the swirl, but it was on top of us for sure.
2. Driving dream #1. Going down some odd red-brick road. I don't remember being in a car but I was moving forward, and then suddenly the road tipped upwards into a steep hill, and next thing I knew I flipped over and was face down on the bricks.
3. Band camp dream. I am chaperoning at the high school. (Alex's actual band camp starts in 10 days.) It's indoors and I'm having to find my way around the enormous hallways to a back-building theater. My Mom is also a chaperone, and doesn't know what to do, and Kate is there with us. The kids I'm supposed to be chaperoning aren't where they're supposed to be; the director asks me to do some errand for him; and then I notice that Kate is missing. I learn later she'd gone in a car with some teen I don't know, to play pickleball (yes, really. Yesterday I saw a sign in front of a church: "Learn to play pickleball! Saturday at 7:00"). I am mad at Kate and give her a stern talking-to about leaving without telling me.
4. Driving dream #2. Alex and I are driving in tandem on the interstate. He is leading. He doesn't take an exit ramp, but I do, then I realize it's headed straight UP (again), a hill but more like a vertical plane.... covered in ice. It is under construction and therefore doesn't connect to anything at the end, but is simply an edge. 

SO YEAH. That was fun. Dreams always sound less terrible when you write them out, but each one gave me panicky feelings and I woke several times.

I have been pretty busy, but haven't felt outwardly stressed, really. Still trying to say Yes and keep the girl entertained in this summer of no day camps. I took her to lunch with a friend yesterday, for example. But this morning when I looked at my planner, I had to laugh. Even though these tasks are not difficult ones, here's what it looked like:

I had thought lunch was at 11:30 but it turned out it was 1:45, which changed the timing of the ribs going into the oven for 2 hours. We baked a cake because it was Alex's birthday. Oh, also, I was supposed to be working a full day yesterday.

I guess that is an accurate indication of the way my mind feels this morning, with lots of things competing for attention. I will also detail them here, also to clear my mind. I apologize in advance. 

• Band Board stuff - must call the pizza place (4th one I've tried) to try to secure a sponsorship
• Need to take a day off work next week, to be available on the day we host a potluck for Band
• I just now remembered I will also need to make something to contribute to that potluck!
• I have to pick up tickets for an event at the bowling alley for the band kids.
• I need to schedule a mammogram.
• I should probably schedule a dermatologist appointment (basic skin check)
• Need to pick up some prescriptions, and get cash
• Wondering how my labs will turn out (cholesterol re-check after being on a statin for 6 months, fingers crossed)
• Kate is bored and not doing her summer homework to my liking, or practicing piano. How much attention do I give it?
• Kate needs me to return/re-order something from lululemon (that I didn't want to buy in the first place, too $$$, but Summer of Yes). Online returns are a PITA and I hate spending money unnecessarily.
• Alex's college planning. He needs to start looking at application dates, academic programs, and campus visits.
• Alex liked GA State Univ. but I don't know that I want him in downtown Atlanta.
• WHEN will we do these other college visits?!
• My actual job; I'm supposed to be going in 2x/week now, but this/next week, that is impossible. (Until school starts again, really)
• Our bathroom is really in need of a cleaning.
• My tomato plant is being gnawed on by chipmunks or birds; after months of tending it, I may get to eat one single tomato from the whole thing (out of ten that were/are growing)

There's plenty more on the to-do list I keep on my phone, but that's the basics. I feel a little better spewing all of it out through my keyboard, and don't expect anyone to offer solutions. I also know I TOOK THIS ON my own self, I have made this bed. I know I said before, if I just keep a positive attitude it'll be fine! Fun! Great! And that is true. 

My brain, however, reminded me overnight that, OH JEEZ, I am handling a lot here. Not to mention planning meals and groceries, lolz.

A Day in the Life, Lately

My routine is pretty settled, lately, and I like it. I just went back and read a Day in the Life post from 2006, when Alex (AJ, when the blog wasn't private) was just barely TWO. Things are certainly different now, whoa.

Right now it goes like this. We wake up (Shawn first, now that I'm leaving the house Never, or at least Later than him when I do go in on Tuesdays), shower, get dressed, etc. I go downstairs by about 6:30 to start making Kate's lunch. During Covid-school, there's no Fun Food so it's a lunchbox every day, and I gotta tell you, I'm TIRED of it. I try to mix it up for her with a salad one day, a warm quesadilla another day, but otherwise it's a sandwich. And her veggies and fruit and something sweet and something salty. Some of that is for snack. 

Alex wakes later, as well, and arrives in the kitchen while Kate's eating breakfast, usually. We do the morning "ballet" of everyone trying not to bump into each other as we open drawers, fridges, cabinets, making lunches or breakfasts or coffees. Then Shawn and Kate leave for St. Joe's and Alex eats while I drink coffee and look at my paper planner, trying to pick my Top Three tasks (there's a spot on each day for them). I also like to start the day with gratitude which I write in the back of the book, but I don't like to do it while he's there because for some reason I'm a little embarrassed by it. So I typically sit at the bar if he's at the table, or I'll wait until after he leaves. He often practices piano before he leaves to drive himself to school (!!) around 7:40. 

By that time I've opened the laptop and checked email, made my Top 3 list (more like Top 5), and written any meetings on the page. I am finding it satisfying to include a couple of Home tasks in the top three/five. Like, today I really need to wash towels, so that's on the list. Yesterday I wanted to make strawberry sorbet, so that was a task to look forward to. (And it turned out great!)

And then around 8:15 I usually sit down on the couch with the Calm app and/or the Bible app for a little quiet time. I try to keep it to 15 minutes. 

Afterwards, I go around the downstairs opening the window blinds, and get to work. Because it's been nice weather, I've been opening actual windows lately, which the cats love. :)

I take plenty of breaks, but not long ones. Sometimes I step outside to see how the weather is, or deadhead some plants. I fill my water glass and take my vitamins. Switch the laundry. I have been using Pomodoro method for working when I have a big project to dig into -- setting a timer for 25 minutes of work, and then a 10 minute break. Some days I feel like I set timers all day long, but it seems to help keep me focused. 

I've been forgetting that my shoulders, wrists and neck will hurt if I don't go upstairs to the actual office chair, and use the actual keyboard instead of this tiny laptop one. But am TRYING to remember to do that around 11. This also helps later in the afternoon when Kate gets home, because she spreads her homework stuff out on the kitchen table and it's best if I'm not stationed there, if I want to get anything else done. So I go upstairs. 

The last few days I've been good about working out before lunch. I like this schedule. If I don't get it done then, I'll do it after dinner, or go for a walk with whomever wants to join me. 25 minutes or so is all I require of myself. It's enough.

2:30 is time to leave for carpool at 3:00. It's a nice time of day to leave, right before the afternoon doldrums. By the time we get back at 3:45 or 4, I will just need to do an hour-ish more of work, then call it a day. Have I really done 8 hours' worth? Probably not. Am I counting hours? Well, yes, I still do. But I don't get hung up on it, if I've made progress on tasks or projects, which I usually have.

By 5:30 I need to be starting dinner. It's so satisfying to close down the laptop and know I don't have to open it until the next day. Of course, if there's some big deadline or I've missed more than an hour or 2, I'll do a little more work, but that's hardly ever. 

We eat, we clean up, we either walk or not, change into comfy pants and sit down to relax. Sometimes Shawn practices cornhole in the backyard while I read my book. The kids usually do homework, take showers, go to piano lessons, or practice in the next room (always right when we turn on the TV, it seems, so we can't hear our show.... we try not to complain; it won't be forever... but we always glance at each other and sigh, lol). 

Kate's into The Office right now so we typically watch one episode at 9:00. It's so fun to revisit that show. And then bedtime! Kate loves to play this game where she blocks my way into my bedroom or bathroom by making me guess the password. It's SO ANNOYING. But I'm sure one day I'll remember it with a chuckle. She finds it funny that it makes me mad. Both kids always come in one more time after we've gotten in bed to tell us good night. I think of it as tucking us in. It's sweet.

These are good days. I'm really savoring working from home, as you WELL KNOW. I think we will start to have to be back in the office more frequently, soon. And I guess that will be okay. But I am just loving this time. Kids are very self-sufficient. I have work to do and home-care to do, and I GET to do it. I watch the birds in my backyard. I feel good. I just want to acknowledge it, here. Happy Thursday.

Grateful to have a job. So grateful.

But I'm going to complain for a few paragraphs. I'm sorry.

I just read through my posts from Days 1, 2 and 3 of the initial pandemic lockdown from last March. Wow, that's a mind-trip. First of all, that it's nearly a year ago. Secondly, my question from Day 1: "After the 14 days, will we be expected to go back to normal?" Heavy. Sigh. 

I'm having some trouble feeling productive, again. I don't even have the excuse of the kids being home to distract me, and yet I can't seem to focus. One work-thing the pandemic has caused is longer response times from co-workers. I can email a colleague to ask a question or make a request, and if they're working kinda flex-y time, like all of us are, or they're officially working fewer hours (as some in my company, in other countries, are), it takes at least twice as long to hear back from them than it used to. So projects take longer. Plus, I think everything happening over email causes log-jams in everyone's Inboxes, and things just get overlooked more easily than before. I've been waiting now for 3 business days for a proof to come back on our catalog, which is a massive book, and should have been published in January. I NEED the answers that only this one person can provide. And here I sit, without those answers. (Yes, I have sent the follow-up "Just circling back to this" email.)

Of course, I am also working flex-y time. Yesterday I had to go to Target for some supplies for this weekend's birthday -- baby Kate turns 13! -- and then there was, of course, carpool. Today, it's a kid's dentist appointment. Fits and starts. Never a long stretch of deep work, it seems.

So it's frustrating, because then my task becomes overdue and the "Completed" box never gets checked off. I NEED checked-off boxes! They keep me sane. 

Productivity or Lack Thereof

I am having the hardest time with productivity. Even while working from home. I've tried lots of different approaches to managing it: 

• Making a long, continuous to-do list. Doesn't work. I keep adding to it and feel like I never cross things off; I do, it just doesn't feel like it since the list gets longer.
• Scheduling tasks on my calendar. I've tried to make this work for a LONG time, but it's a hard Nope. I get mad when someone else's meeting (no one respects other people's calendars), or pop-up task, forces me to move MY task. 
• Pomodoro method. Kinda successful, but the time I give myself for a task (25 minutes, 30 minutes) is almost never enough to get it completed. So I start the timer a second time (after a break), but then can't focus again. Probably a me-problem.
• Lately I'm trying the Top 3 tasks of the day method. It's going... ok, I guess, but again, other things pop up and so I don't always even finish 3 measly items. !!!! It's infuriating. 

I've also learned that OMG, when I am in the office, it's nothing but Distraction from my boss! I love her dearly, but she talks to herself, and kind-of halfway to me, through the wall that we share, and it's SUPER annoying. Like, "Mike Smith calling me, wonder what he wants?" or "Did we...." (as she clicks around in her files)... "oh, here is that thing I'm looking for, never mind!" AGHHHH. Working at home so much during COVID has made me really NEED my quiet.

Anyway, I'm at the office today, and I have one meeting at 10:00 am which is a rather stressful topic (and promises one million more tasks in my future), so I'm dreading it. I hope to finish things BEFORE that meeting: Task number one in the next hour. Then task number two after the meeting, and task number three right after lunch and before I have to leave here at 3:00 (am loving the hard-stop at 3:00 for carpool, I have to say). 

I guess I can't stay here and whine about it but need to get going, lol. 

Went to the Office!

Yesterday I went in to my office for the first time in almost exactly 3 months. How odd! A place I used to kind-of dread, now making me feel nostalgic and warm. LOL! 

When I walked in, my close-to-the-door coworker greeted me so kindly; I missed her sweet friendliness. Then the General Mgr. walked by me and said, "Lee! What are you doing here? Get the hell out of here!" (His 'humor' leaves a little to be desired, but I knew what he meant. He's a big germophobe, actually, and still wants people staying home. Thank God.) It was nice to be so enthusiastically greeted. In the old days, there were barely-there "good mornings" from the tired cube-land drones (including myself) as I walked by. 

My desk was dusty, and my monitor seemed enormous after 3 months of working on a laptop. I completed a lot of desk-tasks, though -- packing up some products to send out, printing some letters on letterhead, and dropping some things in the office of another coworker, to be picked up next time she's in the office. 

I only stayed until 3, because I wanted to take Alex to get a haircut and they close at 6; but since everyone is more tolerant of flexible schedules now, I didn't have to feel bad about that. I hope that will last. The guilt of not being "where you're supposed to be" was/is the worst part about being a working outside the home mom. Maybe I'll be okay with going back a few days a week eventually. For now, though, one day was plenty and I am relieved to be laptopping it at my kitchen table again this morning, and for the rest of the week, with Ash the cat snoozing on the notebook beside me. 

On Working During C-19

Okay, time for some real talk. I am, in my heart of hearts, so happy with this Temporarily Permanent Work From Home Situation. I looooooove working from home; I love being in my home, for me it makes working more tolerable. I'm saving literal hours a day by not commuting, and not having to pick up kids after school. Even with them here during the day, I'm happier than Before, because this is really an amazing quantity of TIME I wouldn't have had with them otherwise (never mind that we're in our rooms working or on devices a lot of the time).

However. This week, I have found it extremely hard to focus. Or, more specifically, it feels like my time working has been monumentally inefficient. I feel like I only work in fits and starts, and as a result I only really accomplish one or two tasks a day. Like, one e-newsletter composed and sent. One webpage created and published. Granted, both of those involve writing, finding and sizing photos, testing, editing, etc. - they're not just simple tasks. But still, it's a low number.

I'm trying really hard to plan my days carefully, like this:
7:30 - 9 work (do email newsletter + website update)
9 - 9:15 break - go outside
9:15 - 11:00 work (mtg, followup)
11-12 work (tasks)
12-1 lunch w/kids
1-3 work
3-3:30 break - walk
3:30-4:30 work (finalize tasks)

It seems like there are meetings nearly every day, which throw me off. 9:30 or 10 is smack in the middle of what could be deeply-focused "flow" time.

And then there are the personal interruptions. I will just sit myself down at the laptop and then the doorbell rings. Or a cat throws up. Or I have to go to the bathroom. Or a kid asks for help with a poetry report.

Maybe one accomplishment per day is enough to ask of myself during this weirdness. Maybe companies should lower their standards, and I should, personally, as well. I've seen the meme that says, "You're not working from home, you're at home trying to get work done." It's a subtle difference, but an important mind-shift. But as this becomes more permanent, I feel like I should be settling into making it as good, as productive, as before.

Probably not realistic. And again, it's fine, it's fiiiiiiiiine, this is absolutely the way I would WANT to spend my days if I could choose, but along with having been off for 2 weeks (and seeing a 2nd furlough likely in early May), it's reducing my motivation significantly.

This checks out.

Pandemic Diaries, Week 3, Day 2

It's Week 3 at home. Who could have predicted this? It's crazy. I remain grateful; during Week 1 my password was about to expire, so I changed it and in it I use the phrase "work from home gift," becaue it really is one. I think the kids have settled in and found their schoolwork rhythm; I have, too... resigned to the fact that more than 7.0 hours of work is near-impossible, and that is OKAY. (I no longer count them up -- haven't at all, in fact, since this thing started.) Diligently working on the daily tasks, and actually grateful that there are new ones every day, like writing a COVID update email; someone's whim that we should post XYZ on social media; putting together a spreadsheet of gifts we can send our customers. It's good that even the pandemic is giving me some concrete tasks to do; I prefer them to nebulous "planning" and strategizing work.

Yesterday, though, our company announced temporary (I stress temporary) furloughs, and I was on the list. That's a stomach-sinking word, isn't it? Furlough. I remember when my dad changed his career and became a commercial airline pilot. There were, at that time, a lot of newer, start-up airlines. That was a blessing for him (the stalwarts like Delta wouldn't hire newbies like himself), and a curse, because just as soon as he'd get hired and trained, business would dive and they'd furlough employees... usually for good. I know it happened at least twice, maybe more. It didn't scare me as a tween too much, but there was some household uncertainty around that time, and I really feel for him, having to go through that. Probably wondering what he'd gotten himself and his family into.

And now here I am: starting next Monday, which was the first day of our Spring Break, I'll be fuloughed for 2 weeks. There are a LOT of blessings in it: the company will sign us up for unemployment pay, we don't have to do anything (apparently); we keep our health insurance; it's only 2 weeks in April (and possibly May, but that isn't decided yet); we can use PTO days if we want, and continue getting our full salary (I haven't decided yet); we keep our jobs. And the silver lining is: A 2-week break. A luxury.

Will I use the time wisely (paint a room? finally organize my dad's oil business stuff?) or squander it, is the real question. Gosh it'll be tempting to absolutely laze around. Finish my 1,000-page book and start the Jodi Picoult I ordered and picked up, curbside, last week. Watch Mrs. Maisel 8 hours a day (why can't I get that series going? I want to love it). Day drink. LOL Look what I found at Publix, speaking of:

Watermelon Rose? You'd better believe I grabbed that and its friend, Peach Rose.

Of course everyone knows being lazy isn't good on a long-term basis, and I guess the kids will still have school work to do (minus Spring Break, of course). So we'll see. I haven't told them yet, and am trying to figure out how to do that gently.

Eating:
We're fine on food. Eating mostly the same that we always do. About to run out of chicken breasts. Tonight is Taco Tuesday, if I can run out and get a tomato (or I might not, it isn't that critical). Health-wise, I am trying to not eat all the breads this week; I'm feeling bloated and like none of my shorts fit, and it's hot enough for shorts.

Doing:
We binged a season of Survivor; that is some good entertainment. Shawn and I used to watch it 18 years ago, and there's a reason it's lasted that long. The kids, especially Kate, really got into it, and it was fun and funny to develop feelings about the players. I think the Amazing Race would also be fun, if I can convince her to try it with me (Shawn and I also loved that one back in the day).

We've also been working on puzzle #1, and the kids are actually patient enough to have spent a lot of time on it. Color me surprised!

Neighbor-wise, we've been okay. Adrianna has a kiddie 4-wheeler, and wants Kate to ride it with her, and that's been a hard NO. We watched her drive it around the corner yesterday and nearly tip it over - she was going pretty fast - and now is not the time for a potetntial emergency room visit, (!!!) so yeah. No no no no no no and I don't feel one bit bad about it.

Kate and I went to Target yesterday for some necessities (like shorts that fit, ugh) and saw a dude there who was legitimately scary. I think because of coronavirus, he was dressed head-to-toe in black, with a long SKIRT (like a priest's cassock), black gloves, a wide-brimmed black hat, and a black mask covering most of his face, like a burka. !!!! What the What? BIZARRE.

Feeling:
Huh. Well, yesterday's aforementioned stomach-drop started a whole new set of emotions for me. We've all been saying "we're in this together," and now suddenly I'm not just praying for other people whose finances will take a little hit. I've been sleeping well, I think, but having some complicated dreams. Last night I finally think I got a really good night's rest; I can tell because I woke up with no dream memories.

Counting down to vacation, now... hope you're all well! xx

Travel Weekend

It's the eve of a travel day for this working mama, headed to Philadelphia for a Saturday conference. It is such a bummer when a work trip happens on a weekend! Ugh! Won't be home until Sunday afternoon. I'm grateful, though, that my manager usually remembers to tell me I get comp days when I work a weekend.

I might want to use a comp day next week, in fact, because Alex has his Fall Break -- a full week off -- but Kate doesn't. Such is the life of having 2 kids in 2 different school systems, but it kinda stinks. Last year, he didn't get to enjoy anything different about his Fall Break OR his extra February Break. The mom guilt is high. I want to fix it so he's not sitting at home for a week in all the breaks to come -- although to be honest, I think after his summer of all-band-all-the-time, he isn't too sad to have some downtime coming his way.

(Related: Last week I had a day of near melancholy as I realized we only have this school year, plus 2 MORE, with Alex at home. Yes. Two. The number stopped me in my tracks.)

Anyway, we'll be in Philly and I hope to eat a cheese steak! We have plans on the afternoon of Friday, to go see the Downton Abbey movie. It will probably be the best workday ever! For this particular conference, we aren't exhibiting, which means it will just be a non-stressful day of networking and learning.

I will for sure miss my family. (See above, 2 years left!) Especially in the fall, I prefer to be home on weekend mornings, sipping coffee on my back patio in the morning and baking something or making soup in the afternoons. But I will endure 3 nights in a hotel room all by myself, if I must. ;)

Just point my car in the right direction

 * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  First of all, Happy 15th Birthday to our Alex!  * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * 

It's incredible to me that he's 15, and coming into his own. I really love his teenager self. I thought nothing would be better than his toddler self, but I'm just constantly floored by what a great kid he is. He celebrated yesterday by attending a live professional video gaming day (I don't know either) and it was awesome, I'm told. He looked so grown up when he got home. There are great things ahead for him this year, I can feel it. 

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This morning, I have spent the majority of my time coordinating calendars. I hate having three separate ones, but there's a work calendar, our shared family Google calendar, and also my paper planner, which is slightly unnecessary, except it has journal pages and goal-tracking pages and those speak to my heart, so: three calendars it is.

Band Camp starts next week, so I'm trying to line everything up. It takes place here in town, so that means we have to drive Alex there and back twice each day (morning session and evening session), which is going to be tedious. I'm praying to meet a kind mom or senior band member who will share driving duties with me somehow. 

I thought it would be best to have Kate in a camp that week, too, so she's signed up for gymnastics camp. Naturally the pick up and drop off times are slightly different; luckily the two locations are 1 mile apart. 

(It would be so much easier to take the whole week off. And actually, for the first time in my life, I have extra PTO days to use. In fact, I could take the week of Band Camp off and still have days left for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But because we just did Destin week, my good Worker-Bee self says I can't disappear again so soon. Sucks to have a conscience sometimes.)

Well, anyway, juggling WFH days and drop-offs/pick-ups is pretty much our life now. And I guess I do appreciate the paychecks. 

We had a good July 4th weekend. Picked the kids up in Montgomery, and had a nice lunch with Mom and Dad. :) I'm so, so grateful the kids have that time with their grandparents in their memory banks forever. They had to re-calibrate this year, because Tommy took his kids on another trip, but I think it was probably good for everyone. Instead, they got extra time with Michaela and Josh, and I was delighted to hear that my two were really good with them (they are our even younger 2nd cousins, ages 6 and 3). Plus, they had time to work on a lot of summer homework. 

Today I'm feeling ranty about summer homework. While I appreciate the idea of summer reading very much, and can understand why math teachers would want there to be summer math, too, keeping minds sharp and all that... I really don't like it for the kids. Alex, particularly, is taking an AP Humanities course next semester so he's practically taking a whole course this summer, thinly veiled as a "pre-course assignment." Poor kid. He's hoping to finish it this week, before Band Camp starts and takes over his life.

We also need to make up several piano lessons that the kids missed while they were away most of June. So we're working those in. 

And my very first friend from Kindergarten, Melissa, is in town this week, so tomorrow we're meeting her and her family for dinner, unexpectedly.

Always Grateful for a Slow-Start Monday

9:50 a.m. and I just got settled at my desk, after working from home this morning because Kate has a day off from school. She slept until 8:00. So lovely, a child getting extra zzzz's and waking up fuzzy headed and sleepy. Awww. Her friend's mom, of the stay-at-home persuasion, offered to a couple of us working-persuasions to take in our girls today -- how sweet. She's always available for weekday play dates and I'm so thankful for her. And for a slow start, myself, so she wouldn't have extra kids in her house before 9:00: Coffee and a cooked breakfast at home, email checking, clearing up dishes and other little chores. Ahhhh, so nice. I wish every day could start like that.

I narrowly missed getting stuck behind an accident this morning after dropping Kate off, so the bliss was short-lived. A lady in the left lane merged right without even looking, and hit a car in that lane. I was in the far-right (three lanes total) and juuuuust skated by. If I'd been 1 minute behind I'd have had to stop and wait. Eeek. I hate driving. 

Today on the docket are two main tasks: Write up a Talking Points document for our sales team, and edit 2 or 3 articles. Not too demanding, which is perfect for a Monday. My new-ish role -- I'm now solely focused on U.S. marketing, with yet another title, did I tell you? Marketing Communications Specialist, whatever that means (but it's better than Marketing Coordinator, which made me angry 6 months ago when it was given to me; honestly, a person working as long as I have has earned the right NOT to be called a "coordinator") -- anyway, my new-ish role means new responsibilities, many of them recurring tasks. I'm now charged with: 

• Monitoring several of our accounts online (social media, mostly), and reporting on who's doing what (Spy duties! haha!)
• Scanning U.S. healthcare news and adding it to a content calendar
• Boosting social posts and/or creating campaigns
• Maintaining B2B content, which hasn't been updated in at least 2 years

I don't know yet if it's better or worse than what I was doing, but it's slightly different enough that I feel a tiny energetic lift from it, especially here at the beginning, while I get used to the new routine. 

After work, it's at-home yoga and then dinner. I planned a menu this week! It feels monumental after the last several of phoning it in (or going out of town and making Shawn do it). 

Last night, Sunday: Dinner Salads. Alex doesn't eat salad; however, he is away on Sunday nights for church youth group, and he eats there. So last night Kate and I cut lettuce, tomato, cucumber, carrots, and added shredded cheddar to a big salad bowl. We offered leftover taco meat with salsa, or cubed ham with hard-boiled egg, your choice of dressing and tortilla chips or croutons. I thought it was perfect and wish I could serve dinner salads once a week, both for ease and for health.

Monday, today: Oven Chicken Fajitas and yellow rice. I'm so excited about this. I hope the kids will eat them. I won't add the cayenne pepper but we have a giant jar of pickled jalapenos with which to make ours spicier. >>UPDATE: Everyone liked this! Even Alex! He even dared to eat a piece of onion and a bell pepper strip! Woo!

T: The ever-popular smoked sausage, mac and cheese, and green beans simple dinner. 

W: Don't kill me, Shawn, but it's make your own pizza night. I have had the prepared crusts in the fridge for a while and it's time to use them. 

Th: Chicken Picante (yes, chicken two times - we had pork the last 2 weeks in a row), black beans and corn. I used to make this all the time and got really sick of it after a while. The timing was fine because the kids wouldn't eat salsa in those days, anyway; but now I think they might be open to trying it. I bought mild salsa of course, and we'll see how it goes. I predict they'll scrape it off, for the most part, but I also know Shawn loves this dish.  UPDATE: Kate gave it 2 thumbs enthusiastically up, and Alex gave it a "so-so" teetering hand but said he would eat again. LOL these two.

F: Leaving it open for whatever. Our church also does a Friday fish fry during Lent, and that might be something we attempt this week. Kate mentioned wanting to go. 

In the beginning of March, I thought it would be fun to actually MAKE a dessert one night a week, and I set it as a monthly goal in my planner. It hasn't yet happened, but maybe I will whip up a box of brownies at some point. I like the idea of it -- normally I don't make desserts, we just eat ice cream or cookies if we have them. But I feel like making and presenting a dessert would make me feel good, and would be more festive. Plus, I'm on a mission to get my family interested in pie. (WHO doesn't like pie?? My family.) Brownies aren't pie, but they're a start. 

News and Tidbits

Another weekend, another sleepover.

I try not to say no to those, because I have such happy memories from sleepovers when I was young. My favorite ones were when both Jill and I went to the McWhorters' house, or to our cousins' house, each also having a set of sisters. But I also loved spending the night at Melissa's house, Nikki's house, and Marybeth's in high school. 

This weekend it's a girl from Kate's basketball team who has never been over before, but is very sweet from what I can tell. So yay! Except that: 

• Friday at their school is a half-day (monthly faculty meeting), so they'll have to come to my office or else I'll have to beg another WFH afternoon. My boss has been consistently kind about those lately, but it always makes me nervous to ask, again
• my solitary Saturday-morning coffee time will likely be interrupted. Not huge in the grand scheme of things (maybe I'll just get up earlier?), but it is a kind-of ritual that helps me feel like myself
• and finally, the weather is supposed to be bad this weekend so they'll be stuck in the house with no basement and thus, not very far to go to entertain themselves. 

Now that the complaints are lodged, I should say that I'm happy about it, happy she has friends (and last week it was Alex's turn, so it's fair), and I enjoy feeling like "fun Mom" once in a while.

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This morning the United Methodist Church news is on my mind quite a bit, having, as I do, no fewer than 5 Methodist ministers (and many more Methodist friends) in my college friends-list. Emory is a Methodist university and has a well-regarded theology school associated with it, not to mention its "preacher's kid" tuition discount, which brought many a Methodist student into my life. :) Plus, I love the Methodists; sang in their choir as a very small child and went to their pre-school, even. I especially loved when we visited their church some Sunday mornings, and I got to go to Sunday school! Catholic churches didn't have that and it was so cool to me.

Anyway, their #GC2019 news is sad for many congregants, and I feel for them. But the thing it brings home for me, and what I want to tell my dear Methodist friends is that, once again, we've learned that the Church is a human institution, and thus a flawed one. Who runs the Church/churches? Humans.  So, my feeling is, it's never going to be perfect, and simply can't be. I've learned as a Catholic (over and over again, unfortch) that you just have to kind-of shrug your shoulders, appreciate what you learn from the institution, and accept what it is. I mean, in the case of the Catholics, we have to also be very mad and disgusted and feel hopeless sometimes, too, but mostly we have to continue on. We  separate our own personal faith from the deeply-flawed humans who manage the business of faith. I still stay Catholic in spite of it  (probably because I'm lazy). It's home; besides that, it's a tradition rich with meaning and depth. I like that there's always more to study and learn and question. 

I don't agree that you can't be a "cafeteria Catholic," following some rules or believing some things, but not others. Yes, you can. It's flawed, by definition. I have a mind. You do, too. Our thoughts can be as true - and as flawed - as the church leadership's, but they're no less worthy of thinking. There's room for all of us.

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In related news, sort-of, Shawn and I were asked to be godparents! We've never been godparents together before, so this is exciting! Each of us has one other godchild, but now we'll have little Charlie, our next-door neighbors' 8-month-old, and we are so honored to be asked. They had us to dinner and asked in an awkwardly sweet lull in the conversation. We don't know them all that well yet, but I'm so excited to GET to know them better. And be linked in this special way.

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Final newsworthy item, next week I go to Austin for a tradeshow. I'm looking forward to it and hope it helps me feel some new enthusiasm for my company's work. I could use a shot of enthusiasm, heh.

Just Say No to Meetings (Yes to Parties)

There is a sales meeting happening in my company this week and for the first time in a really long time, I am NOT attending! Woot! I have so much work to do here. I am not in sales, but marketing does indeed crossover with sales, so typically I am required to go, when it is held here in our U.S. headquarters city. However, this year they decided to travel to Orlando, and to keep the office staff travelers to a minimum, and that is FINE by ME. 

I also just declined a January meeting of the global marketing team, which will be held in Germany. WHY would I do that, you ask? I mean, free trip to Germany! I'll tell you why: the meeting is scheduled for the day of my Dear Husband's 50th birthday. And I am a loving wife. (It also happens to be a company holiday and who wants to work on a free day off??)

It's not that Shawn cares, actually -- he's told me several times that "it's just another day." But I care. Last time I went to Germany, I left town on Alex's birthday -- what is it with this company and my family's special days?! I hated leaving that day (although I feel like we might have had cake the night before, and he opened presents that morning before I left), but husband's 50th, I mean... that's a significant milestone. A few years back, he planned a very sweet surprise 40th birthday party for me, and I want to plan a party for him this year. I haven't done that since he turned 35 (!), because kids. Yes, we always celebrate adult birthdays as a family, but I'm setting a goal this year to host more dinners at our house anyway, so this is going to be the first one of Q1, 2019. 

Does Shawn even want a party? He says he doesn't need one, but if it were me, I think I'd want someone to have a to-do for me on my 50th. And besides, I know he ENJOYS a good party, if it isn't too much trouble to get there (check) and he has people to talk to (check, it will only be people he likes)! So I say it's a go.

I'm thinking about the Saturday before his Monday birthday, maybe late afternoon until ? -- and an all-appetizers, all-party-foods kind of menu. I'm very excited about that, and one of the things I've put into my new planner is a list of food ideas. Jalepeno poppers, chips and dips, wings, shrimp if I'm going "fancy." 

Here's where input would be helpful: 

• Should I do a cake, or cupcakes? Cupcakes would be infinitely easier if I could get them (make them?) fancy enough... (aaaaand I just opened another tab and clicked on Pinterest. I see a new Board in my future) 
• Should we have one special drink, or perhaps a vodka bar (his favorite spirit) with mixer options? Is that even a thing? I've seen bourbon bars, but not vodka.
• Do I have the right serving space for a vodka bar? 
• What will we do about kids? Should other people's kids be invited? Maybe not? But will their parents be offended if our kids are there? 
• I suppose I should take Christmas down before this party on Jan 19th... will we be able to manage that and clean the house?! Ha!

Well, I have a while, yet. A short while, and a busy one, with Christmas -- and guests at our house, yay! -- in the mix. Wish me luck.

PTO tomorrow!

I've taken tomorrow off. For once in my life, I have a few days to burn before the end of the year. I took tomorrow in order to spend time with Alex, who's on Fall Break and has been mostly babysitting the cats, the neighbors' dog, and his PlayStation this week at home. Kate didn't have the same week off, so there was no impetus to plan a trip (and also we're not very good at that skill). But now his best friend is spending the night tonight, and they'll be busy all day tomorrow, and so. I have a day to myself, basically!

So much I want to do. First, yoga. Restarting a "31 Days of Yoga" challenge for myself. Need it. Next, coffee and the breeze on my back patio, of course. Must-do. THEN:

• Maybe Target. I have a list, including a PSL and some fun, new Fall decor. I think I even have gift cards to spend!
• Lunch with my buddy, Alvin (former choir director)
• Reading The Invention of Wings
• Cleaning/Organizing/Decorating for Fall (don't wanna, but want it done and should use my time wisely)
• Picking up Kate in carpool, I guess (don't wanna, again, but she'll expect it)

Can't remember the last time I had a day off, just because. 

This One's About the J-o-b

I never did write about my trip to London from August. Feels so long ago now! It was hard to go, but/and I got through it -- that's important to remember. We can do hard things, as Glennon says.

There were many wonderful things about the trip, but first in my mind is this: the hotel-room portions of my days, after hours, after big dinners with drinks, paid for by someone else, were like a mini retreat. THAT is what I was grateful for. I spent from about 8:00 pm to 11:00 pm every night (because I wasn't sleepy for time zone reasons) journaling, reading, doing long yoga videos (I took my mat overseas!), praying, and then FaceTiming the family, because we live in the future. Treating that hotel time so carefully, not turning on the news if I could help it, being quiet and calm, helped me get through the working part of the trip, which was Less Fun.

On the outside of the hotel room I also got to see a lot of the sights, thanks to my friend and co-worker, Miranda, who toured me around generously. We walked and we walked. In her small town of Winchester, we saw the massive Cathedral, ate fish and chips and vinegar, and then met her friend for afternoon tea. It was so lovely! Cream tea! The English ladies said the scones weren't that great, but I didn't know any better and thought they were delish. ;) I learned the difference between Cornish and Devon cream tea. I'm a Devon devotee, myself. I had to be schooled about what whipped double cream actually is, though -- it's not just sweet butter.

Clearly, it was the most adorable and fun afternoon I had there.

In London the next day, we tried to squeeze in a peek at every tourist site we could -- starting with Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Hyde Park, then Kensington Palace and Gardens, then over to the river bank where we glimpsed the Eye, and for some reason tried to walk all the way to get a pic of the London Tower and Bridge. We didn't quite get far enough -- it's a very long walk -- and by that point I was wrecked, physically, so we had a milkshake and made our way back, by train, to Winchester for the evening.

Also lovely -- the King's Head Inn in Winchester. Full English Breakfast was part of the service and I enjoyed it both mornings I was lucky enough to wake up there in the country. (English countryside, achievement unlocked!) Baked beans and black pudding and all. The 2nd day, I had about 2 hours to kill after check-out, so I happily sat outside on the "patio" (just a table in front of the hotel) reading a work-related magazine and chatting, through an open window, with the innkeeper. I mean. Wow.

The working was work, but the days went by quickly enough. We drove to Windsor Castle (the town surrounding the actual castle) for dinner one evening. It was like New Orleans, tacky and touristy, but I loved it. Ate a fantastic Thai green curry and drank 2 fruity prosecco drinks that night, so it couldn't have been bad!

One last note is that I got teary walking down the jetway onto my return flight. Who knew! London charmed me, and I knew that I may not ever get to go back (though I hope I will). Feelings are so weird -- didn't want to go AT ALL, then felt sad when it was over.

Today, as I sit remembering it, I'm grateful grateful grateful for the experience. I'm home in my comfortable routine, but today, disliking what's in front of me this week. Work, right? Sigh. There are so many projects and a few challenging people to have to work with. Earlier this morning I had a small crisis of, "I just really don't want to DO THIS anymore." Some days are like that, in any job I guess. Other days you're in London. I'm doing my level best to TRUST that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, for reasons unknown to me. To just get on with it. Do my best.

Good old Monday.