Love and help; and what we're looking forward to this week

I want to finish my thoughts about Kate's sleep patterns. I know I've said that I learn a lot from her, and one of the things is I learn again and again is that my expectations aren't always realistic. What I THINK should've happened is this:

• Years ago, when she was about four, we would have said, OK, Kate, here is how bedtime is going to work: Step 1, step 2, step 3, THE END, and that would have been that. She'd want to do it right and follow the "rules" and she would, and we wouldn't be burdened by it anymore. 

But what actually happened was not that. My expectation was unrealistic. What happened was this:

• She was little, and then as she has grown and changed, her needs/fears/behaviors have changed too, altering her responses to what I thought was a fairly consistent instruction from me. So at one time, it meant she'd come in and sleep in our room. At another time, it meant she needed me and music and back rubs. Another time, she's wanted to chat long after I think it's bedtime and can't go to sleep if she's alone. And now, she seems okay with it.

I don't know, maybe parenting experts would say I did it all wrong, and I'm the parent, and therefore I'm supposed to TELL HER what's what... but I think, instead, that she's a unique person, and as her parent, it's my job to nurture the person she IS. To help her. To help her learn. And maybe it just took her longer to learn this than it takes some kids. 

I don't want to have allowed her to be badly behaved. I don't want my "method" (or non-method?) to have planted some seed that's going to make her a spoiled kid or a spoiled adult. But I do want to have HELPED her. To have shown her love and care -- unconditionally. And I think going through this bedtime struggle with her (sometimes against her, I'll admit; I've been very frustrated by the whole thing for years, as you can maybe tell from this novel of me trying to justify it) -- but going through it with her has been a way to love and help her. And for me to LEARN how better to do that.

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So! On to sunnier things. I have no meetings today and so far, very few tasks, yet my calendars are OPEN and ACTIVE because school starts next week! We've already got regular extracurriculars scheduled on Tuesdays (gymnastics for Kate) and Thursdays (piano for both), and those 2 things begin THIS week because public schools in our county started today. Crazy early! Hello, again, school-bus traffic. We have our "Book Day" this Thursday, otherwise known as Orientation, and I took the morning off in order to go hang out at school for that. I can't wait; it's one of my favorite days of the year.

We've bought supplies, and everything is piled on the dining room table waiting to go. (It's sort of a mess in there. Another reason I'm ready for Thursday.)

On Tuesday, we'll find out the kids' homerooms. Hoping upon hope (with a little help, we think, from a teacher friend) that Kate and her bestie, Callie, get to be in the same classroom together. (And that a troublesome "friend" will NOT be in her classroom...) We don't get much say in this, of course, but fingers are crossed.

I don't have a committee chairperson job anymore (that term ended in May), and I'm TRYING to keep my volunteering to a low simmer. I did help with the Welcoming Committee for new families (2 easy phone calls) and have told the Band director I'd help her with concerts (sending emails, setting up volunteers to bring refreshments), but neither of those things is very taxing. My PTO days for the rest of 2017 are dwindling already, and it's only August, so volunteer jobs that require me to take off work (like the one I had the last 2 years) are not going to work this time around. 

Another thing on my mind is a visit from my coworker the week of Aug. 14th. We'll have meetings during the days (yuck), but one of the weeknights I invited her, and my buddy Shan, to come to our house for dinner. So I'm wondering what to serve. I think it will likely be gumbo and French bread, with wine and cheese for appetizers and some sort of pie for dessert. Yay! Entertaining! 

Update: Kate's sleep

She's doing better.

She really really wants to be free of her ... what's the word? Fears? Limits? Sleep Problems? I'm not sure. (In case I haven't ever defined it here, the problem has been that she needed someone to stay in her room until she was asleep. Shawn and I have been known to stay in there for 30+ minutes which has been... not ideal.) But she wants to, and she's working hard on it, and I'm really proud of her.

Starting at the beginning of this summer, we've had much better nights. She went to camp for 2 weeks, of course, in a room with 6 other people. Those nights were comfortable for her, even though she was away from home. When she first came back, she wanted to stay up really late every night, but because I have to work every morning, and have to get to bed on time (particularly when I was on the WLC), we agreed she would go to bed by 9:45/10.

That was fine. The real boost came when she stayed in Pensacola in late June. Mom would agree to sit with her for a few minutes, but not long. She'd leave with the promise to check on Kate in a few minutes. And we have managed to carry that same tactic over, and are now successfully doing it at home. I sit in her chair for 5 minutes (7 minutes, tops) -- no back rubbing, no begging me to stay. I leave, tell her I love her and will check on her. She says, "OK, I'll try." But she doesn't get back up, she doesn't whine for me to stay. She does try. Something has switched on for her, that she's okay to fall asleep.

Most nights I do check on her, and she's asleep. Some nights I don't. A few times, she has come into our room and slept on the floor, after hearing a weird noise or a dog barking outside her window. She gets set up on her own and is usually very apologetic about it. Breaks my heart a little bit. I don't engage much with her unless she's being really apologetic. I want her to know it's okay. She sleeps fine on the floor.

We're doing better. (Also, thanks so much, Mom.)

(please no jinxies)

Whole Life Challenge #2 Results

Just want to record this here for posterity. I did my final assessment this morning for the WLC. It was a surprising success:

• Lost 2 inches from my waist measurement
• Lost 1.5 inches from my hips
• Lost .75 inches from my arm circumference
• Maintained my weight. Didn't lose one pound. The whole time, I kept thinking, surely the scale will move next week... and it never did. But I'm okay with it. I can keep working on that, if I really want to. I didn't do as much cardio as I might have, and that might have helped the scale, but they also say muscle weighs more than fat, and I DID work on building muscle. Most of my workouts involved weights (and squats, SO many squats) this time around, and that's new for me. I was also a lot more lenient with food this time than last, particularly in Destin and Pensacola, but also on a more regular basis with "tastes" of things here and there, which of course add up if you keep tasting them. But still. Better than gaining!
  

I truly didn't expect the changes I achieved -- since the scale wasn't moving, I wasn't very hopeful anything else would happen. But IT DID and I'm so pleased.

I'm impressed with us for hanging in there, even though there were SO many events and holidays during this 8-week timeframe. That's an achievement in itself, just getting to the end. 

This time, I did not sign up for the next (September) Challenge. I might regret that later, but I want to see what I can do on my own. Living my life. I hate to leave Mom because I think she wants to go again, but maybe Jill will do the next one. And it's likely I'll want to do it again next January. We'll have to see. I really recommend the program if you're looking to improve your eating habits, increase your workout frequency, or just be more mindful of those things. It works. www.wholelifechallenge.com

Mid-July Thoughts

Hm. I could turn on my Calm app for white noise and continue working, or I could turn on the Calm app for white noise and start writing purely for myself, here.

Which one will I choose??

 - - - - - -

This was the easiest weekend we've had in a GOOD WHILE, due to summer, with all its traveling days. I was so happy to have Sunday coffee on my patio yesterday morning, with the backyard birds. It wasn't hot, but there was no breeze - a breeze would have helped. Still, though. Alex joined me for a while, and I didn't mind since I wasn't interested in reading my book (one of his, that I'm not enjoying yet, but reading it because he wanted me to). Our weekend was very "normal." We saw a movie, went to church Saturday night, dinner afterwards. Laundry and groceries on Sunday, the end.

I did succeed with last night's dinner. We had marinated pork tenderloin (1/4c. soy, 1/4c. bourbon, 2 Tbsp. brown sugar, marinate all day, bake at 400 for 45 minutes), roasted potatoes and French cut green beans. Everyone was pleased: Mommy actually TRIED! I even made banana pudding, at Kate's request and since I can EAT SUGAR again! lololol I'm going to have to be careful with it in the house! Anyway, it's a step up from all the lazy meals I've been serving lately.  For the rest of the week, I'm back to lazy again.

M: hot dogs w/chili, and fries
T: crock pot chicken tortilla soup, if I even have chicken. I can't remember putting it into the freezer so I hope I did.
W: homemade pizzas
Th: no idea what I put on the menu, probably nothing - ooh, guess what I just remembered we have? HAM. probably with corn. Or maybe eggs - omelets? Maybe.
F: I always leave it open in case of Friday Can't-Even Syndrome

So it's a good thing we had that nicely prepared meal yesterday, ha!

It's time to gather school uniforms and try things on. I got Kate and Alex to do a little of that yesterday. We're good on shoes. We need a new jumper for Kate, and shirts/pants/gym shorts for Alex. Will have to do more trying on soon.

I'm really struggling with the damn iPads. I sort-of want to lock them up in a safe and hide the key. I want the kids to READ and PLAY and READ READ READ. I know they can't spend all day, every day reading. But it seems like they spend all day, every day iPadding, so.... Of course, last week they went to gymnastics camp from 8 to 5 every day, no iPads allowed. And with Carli, I know they play, swim, and do other things. (They're planning 2 hikes a week for the rest of the summer!) They're really doing better than I see - when I'm home, they go for the devices and it's all I see, but they're not on them all day, I know that. I will feel better when school's in session. We do have rules for schooldays.

I hate my job I hate my job.

I'm grateful for my job, I'm grateful I can work from home this Friday since Carli needs the day off.

A really great day in the life

My morning meeting just got cancelled so I feel like I have all kinds of time on my hands. I don't, actually... I have a million things I could be doing for work. But my terrible, awful laptop is misbehaving -- it won't open one of the files I need to work on -- so I'm taking that as a sign.

Accept the fact that your day might be extraordinary

Yesterday was a really good day, somehow. (I know, right? How crazy.) I wouldn't have thought it would be anything special: it started out very normally, although I did get to sleep in slightly (6:17) and take the kids to their gymnastics camp, and I didn't even bother doing work from home in that extra hour. Take that. 

I went to work after dropping them off, naturally. Checked off tasks: A content spreadsheet. A landing page. An advertorial. I took a very short lunch break to sit outside in the sunshine for a bit. It was really gorgeous out there, despite being hot. There was a breeze. I closed my eyes. Listened to turtles plopping into the pond.

Late in the afternoon I realized I had a deadline tomorrow (today), that I hadn't even started! Whoops. A media guide, 8 pages or so, that needed updating. Not writing from scratch, mind you, but still! I tried not to panic and in fact, got it done with no real problem. 

Maybe, I thought, it's because I haven't logged in to Twitter one time today, that I'm being so productive.

I picked the kids up at gymnastics. They've endured this week really well -- I think their days have been  l o n g  since I've successfully weaned them from day-camps in the last 2 summers. ;) But they were happy. Since those days are long and iPad-free, I'm fine with them logging into their devices when we get home. Admittedly, I linger on my phone when we get there, too. Yesterday, however, I decided I'd not seen their FACES enough lately -- only the tops of their heads. I set a timer and after 20 minutes of online time, we turned everything off and met on the couch To Talk. Just about nothing. They were so funny: "What are we going to talk about?!" We found plenty of topics, of course, and had an enjoyable time together. (We did have to consult the iPad to see pictures of a Marvel hero I didn't know, but that only added to our conversation.)

It's really little things -- small investments of time -- that make a difference 

Shawn came home and we ate dinner and then commenced a tournament of Uno... which ended badly. The one child who feels, ah... emotional when she doesn't win -- STILL, although she is old enough not to -- did not win. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth. But she conceded to let me hold her later while she finished being upset over it. And then she asked me to jump on the trampoline with her. 

I really didn't feel like it (mosquitos, hot, I'd already had wine, did I mention HOT), but I knew two things: It was the loving, life-giving thing to do, and I needed 10 minutes of some kind of exercise. So I begrudgingly put on my flip-flops and met her outside. 

like this, only brighter.
photo credit @BG_TO_U
on Twitter.

And we were treated to an amazing show in the sky. Pink clouds, reflecting the sunset in such a spectacular way, were right overhead in our backyard. There were rainstorms around -- in fact, we'd heard thunder earlier in the evening -- but our skies were perfect blue behind the clouds. Huge, puffy ones. Crazy three-dimensional shapes, where you could see white, then gray, then cotton candy PINK. I have seen sunsets before, but I'd never seen clouds like this, honestly. It was so bright, in fact, that it felt like there was a flood light shining on us. I said to Kate, "I bet no one else in the world is seeing this same thing but YOU and ME right now." We laid down. I wouldn't allow either one of us to take photos; it just felt too special - I didn't want to cheapen it, somehow, by bringing devices into it. I just wanted to BE in the moment. Kate didn't understand why, but finally agreed to it.  ;) She started finding animals and shapes in the sky. Every so often, she'd scoot closer to me. We looked at the sky for a good long while before the pink faded away. 

Then we played trampoline games and laughed and got our exercise, and the whole thing is still taking my breath away this morning. It's so clear to me that God sees each one of us and gives us little gifts, directly. Just what we need, if only we're open to them. And that ordinary days really can be extraordinary.

Good things in bold

I made it to another Friday. It's been an interesting week with Shan away and the kids also away. I've felt like I had SO much time inside my own head! Maybe too much? I've had (and still have) lots of writing projects at work, which keeps me occupied, and keeps the earbuds in constantly to drown out the Customer Service chatter all around me.... which makes things feel kind-of lonely, to be honest. But I'll stop right there; this post is an attempt to list all the good things. 

Yesterday, I was having a real writer's block about some ad copy. I'd written something, but Shan sent me a message that derailed it, and I had to start over. I could NOT come up with another angle to save my life. And it's hard, sometimes, to force an idea. I went outside, stared into the space of nature for a while, tried to let my thoughts wander, printed out the page instead of trying to write it on the computer, finally I had to go into an empty office and I came up with something. Not sure how. I know I asked for Divine Help! Begged, really. It made me wonder if I'm actually "creative" at all. That's a question I may not want to answer. Maybe my gift is clear communicating, or informational organization, or project planning/execution instead, and not idea-generating. I really want to explore that. It might mean finding work that makes my heart sing, mightn't it? 

I've had such a great run of reading lately! At the beach I finished three books! I read Remarkable Creatures, by Tracy Chevalier (historical fiction), then Room, by Emma Donaghue (modern-day fiction), and then a pretty fluffy romance called The Arsonist, by Sue Miller. Every one was enjoyable, although the first was hard to get into, the second rather disturbing, and the third, as mentioned, a fluffy romance. Still, I recommend them all. Over the July 4th holiday I read Chains, by Laurie Halse Anderson, which is one Alex had to read last year for school and recommended. That kid knows me. Another historical fiction. I loved it, and loved reading about the Revolutionary War on July 4! It's about the only patriotic thing I did, other than watching some fireworks from our front porch... on the 3rd. Ha. What will I read next?? Probably a Helen Fielding sequel to the Bridget Jones series, Mad About the Boy. I won it at a baby shower recently. 

The WLC is almost done! ONE MORE WEEK. I'm glad I did it again, but glad it's nearly over. It has been difficult. I don't want to do the next one. I do want to keep up the good habit of not eating so much bread and sugar, and of stretching EVERY DAMN DAY. Sorry about the profanity, my friend Nataly says that about yoga and I think it's funny. I'm enjoying this week's Lifestyle Practice, of throwing away (or getting rid of) one thing every day. Might have to keep that up, too, for a while. I threw out some beat-up shoes yesterday. All they've been doing is cluttering up my closet for the last year. I got good use from them, and now it's time to say goodbye. 

Last night Shawn did yoga with me. (Thank you, Shawn!) I could talk all day about stretching and breathing and yoga, and how good it is for health and ease and pain relief; I really loved sharing it with him (like we did wayyyy back in 1999 when we were dating, and took a class together). I hope we'll be able to do more of it together, although it might be harder with the kids back home. Then again, maybe Kate would join us, too, while Alex is probably playing video games online. LOL. Or maybe we could get Alex to join in the fun. Only thing is, we need a bigger room and 2 more yoga mats. ;)