7 Quick Takes: First week of summer

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I've done quick takes a lot (albeit sporadically) but I just found the HTML template today! Thank you, Jen!

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I'm having a love affair with chocolate. Perhaps this deserves a whole post on its own, but never have I been more IN NEED of daily chocolate doses. What's wrong with me? (It's not that.) (No, it's not that either.) I've just developed a habit, I guess, where after a meal I have my chocolate. At home, it's a Hershey's kiss dug out of the bottom of the giant Halloween/Easter bowl. We keep it in the cabinet for "dessert night" if the kids want candy. Today, I didn't have any at my desk, so after my trip to the bank, I whirled around the corner and ran into World Market where I picked up THREE big ol' 3-oz. bars. Here was my logic on getting three: If I had only gotten one, I'd have probably eaten the whole thing. With three, I KNEW I couldn't eat the whole amount so I'd likely behave myself. *cuckoo, cuckoo* I did behave - I only ate 3/4ths of a serving. NOM NOM ANTIOXIDANTS.

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KT -- ballet recital. She's improved a lot over the last year, I learned last night at the dress rehearsal. She actually does the moves, in time with the music. She also has stage presence. She was one of the only girls smiling in her group and believe me, it helps. She looked like a tiny professional up there. She gets that from me. ;) No, but seriously, I'm getting dangerously close to the Stage Mom arena: it's so fun to say "dress rehearsal," just like I used to have when I was a theater junkie. She wants to continue in ballet, so now I have to pick the MOST PERFECT studio for her future career as a prima ballerina. (Her current teacher comes to her daycare so I don't have to drive, but they do not come to the elementary schools. They have a studio but it's not conveniently located.)

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AJ -- 2 weeks of sleepaway camp starts Sunday! It only hit me today that he's going to be GONE. Away from his Mama's hugs. The weirdest thing is when he's not in his room at night. But I'm excited for him. I'm especially excited about the care packages and cards that I've already packed up, and will turn in when we drop him off so I don't have to mail anything. Only drawback is having to "invent" text for those cards -- I mean, it's mostly "Are you having fun?" and "I know you're having fun," but sometimes it doesn't feel natural unless you write "We're fine here at home -- just doing... normal home stuff." Heh.

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DH -- So good to me. We've been juggling drop-offs and pick-ups and dinners, and tonight he's doing the yardwork, and he's just so CONSISTENT with things. I chose well. That's the update on him. :) I mean, I could go on and on -- I schedule things and THEN check with him, and he's fine with it. I fail to clean bathrooms (particularly his/ours) and he doesn't yell at me. (HE'D BETTER NOT.) I dry his shirt all the way twice in a row when it's supposed to hang to dry, but he manages not to even roll his eyes or sigh, just takes the shirt and moves on with his life. (I guess... I hope he's not stewing about that one.) He always drives us. He lets me say I'm too tired to cook, let's go out, and he just GOES with it. Alright, I'll stop. He's great, though. You should know that.

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Reading! I've been reading! I finished Kingdom Keepers (meh), and then picked up a book I've had for years, since right after Girl with a Pearl Earring was so popular. It was The Lady and the Unicorn, also by Tracy Chevalier. LOVED it. Not quite as perfect as Pearl Earring, I didn't think, but CLOSE. So, since I was in the medieval mood I finally, finally downloaded Here Be Dragons to my Kindle and started it the other night. LL, I'm thinking of you!

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Swimming! We went, last Friday, and here is a very big announcement: I DID NOT EVEN GET IN THE WATER. There were plenty of kids at our gathering, particularly some 9 and 10-year-old girls who were happy to play babysitter to the two 5-year-olds which included KT, and therefore, I was FREEEEEEE! I had a BEVERAGE! AJ stayed on his noodle (darn the bottom of the pool! If he could JUST touch the bottom all my swimming anxiety would be solved) and KT had on her arm floaties. I WANT to get her out of her floaties, and I am going to TRY to get them in swim lessons somehow, this summer, but DANG if it didn't feel refreshing to say, "Okay, have fun in the pool!" and just look up every once in a while to make sure they were fine. (THEY WERE FINE!)

This summer's beach week might be especially sweet by the pool! Yeehaw! EXCEPT that none of my gal-pals will be there to enjoy it with me (ahem, MB, LM, and J.BEANS)!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Shoulder massage and school Masses

Stood up to stretch my back just now, and give myself a 20-second shoulder massage. Don't know why I have a bit of a headache -- maybe the glow of the fluorescents after several days of not having them buzz over me. Last Friday, I took the day off to hang out with AJ on my last day as his 3rd grade Room Mom. We had an ice cream party with the class and let them basically have recess for the majority of their half-day of school. Afterwards, the school had its last Mass of the year and I got to attend (probably my first of this year, which is too bad).

Those school Masses, man. They get me right in the heart. And this time, they were a humorous answer to a little prayer that I'd prayed several months ago when I was feeling bored with faith, as I think we all do from time to time. Months ago, I'd watched The [new] Muppets movie for the second (or maybe third) time, and I got weepy when they sang The Rainbow Connection, as well as the Opening Theme. Nostalgia, you know? It made my heart supremely happy that my kids were hearing some of the songs that were such a fixture in my childhood, I guess, and because my Mom was there, too... it feels stupid, but it was a really big emotional moment for some reason. So it made me crazy the Sunday after that, thinking that I get emotional about The Muppets, but not at Mass. ...Right? How can that be?! How ridiculous. Jesus is to the Muppets like.... well, like nothing, Jesus should be well MORE than the Muppets. And He is. But apparently my tear-ducts don't know it.

So anyway, I prayed at the time, and have since, to be moved somehow. To FEEL something about my faith. To get more from a Mass than I do from the [loveable] MUPPETS, for heaven's literal sake. And at this school Mass... these kids get so INTO it. They're lucky they have a music ministry that allows them to have praise and worship music (I mean the Contemporary Christian rock-band songs from the radio) during the Mass. And some of the songs have motions, where the kids raise their hands up when they sing, "Lord, I lift your name on high," or make a cross shape when they sing about the cross. East, West (point left, point right), you get the idea. So, two things: 1) I adore those songs already, and love seeing the kids singing them at the tops of their lungs; and 2) It made me giggle to think that our "Songprayers" and "Glory and Praise" hippie-dippy '70s music -- which also had motions [If I Were a Butterfly!!] -- was supposed to serve the same purpose for my generation of school-Mass-attending Catholic kids. Haha!

I felt EVERYTHING. I was happy, yet weepy at every "hymn." AJ knew it, too, but he didn't say anything to me. He knows his mother is a teary-eyed weirdo sometimes. I let my eyes leak regularly at his school. I love that they let parents sit with the class, with our own students, during school Masses. Because we're ALL a family of course, and we love to sing "You are Holy" (by Michael W. Smith, whom I've loved since I was 11 years old buying my first cassette tapes with a friend who was the deacon's daughter) and lift our arms up high and aaaaahhgghhhh!! I felt everything. I loved everything. I was full of joy and happiness. God does Answered Prayers really well sometimes. :)

After that we went swimming with friends, and then on our annual Memorial Day road trip, and it was all very good and the whole thing, this whole long weekend, has made me feel very grateful, and happy.

Angst

Feeling angsty about my y-o-b again. Similar angst to last summer, in that I'm feeling like I want out, I'm done -- but not for exactly the same reasons. This time there's a bit of fear behind it. We have new leadersh|p and I've heard s/he's (gender-non-specified for extra anonymity) a hatchett-man, and I'm feeling vulnerable. I guess I can't give all the details here but I can try to vaguely give some. For starters, I don't know how much backup I have, numbers-wise, for my position. There's one big, perennial project I am part of that typically gets the eyebrow-raise when budget time rolls around. The project is a huge money-suck, so I'm worried it will be axed right off the bat. That wouldn't be terrible, it's a huge pain in the ass, too. But it's probably 40% of my job (and the part I enjoy). The other part, I do well, but I don't know that I'm the most qualified person for it -- and new leadersh!p types sometimes bring in their own peeps, you know?

The good things are so good. Location, location, location. Salary. Vacation time I've built up. Location in relation to the kids' school. Leave work at work. Health benefits are good. Those are the reasons I have stayed.

I'm trying to figure out who can counsel me about this. I have a friend that I admire for her career success, and she's just close enough but not quite in my same field that I think she could intelligently comment. Problem is, she just lost her most recent job due to circumstances (not her work), and I don't think she knows that I know this. I'm not sure she'd want to advise anyone. I'm going to message her anyway, I think.

My brain tells me not to jump to any conclusions, and not to judge anyone, or let them ruin my day, with no evidence. My husband tells me the only four things that are important: Show up. Be honest. Do your best. Be unattached to the end result. I know that's truth, too. But the feelings I'm having are real, and are occupying a lot of my brain-space the last day or so.

Tiny accomplishments (me)

Aside from 2 graduations (KT's, and my cousin's), this weekend I:

• cleaned 2 of three toilets (lovely thought for your early morning reading!)
• folded up all my scarves and reorg'd their drawer which had become unbearable
• bought the kids a few summer t-shirts and shorts (I like the new JC Penney, do you?)
• rearranged furniture* in KT's room like she had requested (and in the process threw out a bunch of her old stuff - wooden puzzles, old books, junk from under the bed oh em gee)
• did* 3 loads of laundry
• baked banana bread, finally 
• filed stuff (paid bills, pay stubs, etc.) in the filing cabinet

The weather was helpful, since it rained all day Sunday. After Mass (and donuts) I just parked myself in the house and planned to get stuff done.

It felt really good. Partly to get things accomlished and have a clean house, but also just the act of doing it. Being in the moment - I love the word "homecaring." Just putting your mind to the task of making the place you live more loveable (and having the time to do it gently). I don't know. Maybe it was because the kids left me alone! Ha. They were playing all day with their Build-a-Bears. Teddy bears' picnics and stuff. (uh... stuff like tossing bears off the upstairs landing and thinking that was hilarious.)

Maybe now that everything's clean (DH cleaned the other bathroom, dusted, and vacuumed while I was doing my stuff), we can start taping off and getting read to paint.


*DH did the heavy lifting, and some folding...Thank you, DH!

All grown up

I'm walking a line today where on one side, I want to post all kinds of pictures of my KT baby, who is graduating from pre-K tonight at the very grown-up time of 7:00 p.m., and on the other side, for a variety of reasons, I don't want to post any more pictures of my kids on the Internet.
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I can't resist.

She has been SO excited about today, and tonight. They're really talking it up at her school, practicing their songs and poems, and it's different because it's been scheduled at a different venue -- a local elementary school with a "really big stage," according to her -- so it feels much more significant than usual. And it is.

In my final conference with her teacher, KT got all superior marks. I was told that she listens, makes good choices, loves to learn, loves doing new things, and even helps other kids. It's not that I don't believe the teacher... it's just that the teacher has never been to our home and seen the other version of my girl! The baby-of-the-family, always-gets-her-way (or thinks she should), whiny, contrary girl. Oh, I exaggerate -- she isn't like that ALL the time at home. But she is LIKE THAT. I know it's all my own doing. I can't help spoiling her sometimes. I laughed and said something along those lines to the teacher, and then she taught ME something. She said, "Well, in reality, what we're doing with them here [a structured curriculum, Kindergarten level, basically] is probably past appropriate for their age -- they should just be running around! So I would be more worried if you told me she doesn't act out at home."

Hunh. I didn't think of it that way. She holds it together and does so many big-kid things all day long -- 7:30 to 5:00, although a good portion of that is play and 2 hours of it is naptime -- that it's only natural she'd need to let loose at home. I mean, I've always known that about toddler tantrums, but she's not a toddler anymore. She comes across as defiant and demanding, and uninterested in listening, at home. Not just tired and whiny.

And I know I'll need to keep it in mind this summer, when her naptime is ceased for good and always. She never naps on the weekend, so I know she can probably handle it, but I was always so relieved to know she still took naps Monday thru Friday (and she, unlike a lot of her classmates, fell asleep most times).

being silly with Papa Joe

Anyway, this little spitfire is graduating from Pre-K, moving on to a new school that we've been anticipating now for 4 years, and it's a big deal. The one thing she wants is a trip to Build-a-Bear Workshop, so I'm taking her there tomorrow morning to celebrate this first big life achievement. I'm so excited to see what's next.

KT baby she will forever be, but she is becoming a real-live young lady, right before my very eyes.

Happy Friday! Some thoughts (7QT)

1. One thing I like to do is cut my fingernails short, and then paint them. Don't know why I like the look of short, painted nails better than long ones, but I do. Long ones seem... bitchier, maybe? I particularly enjoy painting them at the office. It feels illicit, and luxurious. Here's the color I'm painting today (I "borrowed" it (without asking) from KT's stash of One THOUSAND tiny nail polishes).

Orange for spring!

2. I used to be so much better at this blogging thing. I revisit old posts -- today I wanted to find out when, exactly, AJ started reading, so I was exploring January 2009) -- and I think, I was funny. I could string sentences together in a humorous, somewhat entertaining way! And people were coming here to read what I said. Hunh. I feel like I have lost some of that ability. And I know I've lost the greater ability to write anything meaningful. I used to do that. I got jealous reading some of Britt's insights yesterday. I wish I had written them. It's fine; suppose I'll just continue to write pithy things. ;) The difference is, I guess, she has a theme and a purpose, and I'm just here doing my thing, for me.

3. Actually, what it is, is, I'm saving my good stuff for the PAID writing I must do. Yesterday I knocked out two big assignments -- a letter from the Editor (me) for our magazine, and an article about one of our products -- that had been on my list all week. OHHH, I did not want to write those two things. But there were hard deadlines, and I had to. I broke out the pencil and paper for some good old-fashioned brainstorming (hate doing it in a group, don't mind so much scratching it out myself on scrap paper), and Wrote Those Suckers. Even got some virtual high-fives on them from the higher-ups. It felt good to get them done BEFORE Friday, and once again I was reminded to be grateful that I have a job where my actual skills are being used. Sometimes it's even fun, to write good things. It's a rare blessing that a lot of people who work do not have.

4. Random something that's kinda neat: An Oklahoma church unearthed a time capsule from 1913. My favorite things were the ones addressed to "Our friends in 2013."

5. I've been working on the way I see the world, lately -- I know that sounds kind-of big and dramatic. I had noticed, sadly, that I just had this general dislike of other people. You know, like, other drivers for example. It's easy to scowl at and sort-of hate the driver who cuts you off. And we all have people in our lives who are kind-of weird, and we just roll our eyes about them and allow our surface impression to simmer and grow. Which turns into dislike. So, well, I wanted to stop doing this. It actually happened by accident: I was in church one morning and I saw, in a front-row pew, this very rich family (who are always so nice, but) who live in a giant, gorgeous house which I used to grouse about every time I drove by it. And when I looked their way, I only saw that I LIKE them. I actually felt like I LOVED them. Loved that they're part of my community, anyway. (And they're nice. Why should I care about their house?) And then I saw another family I know, and I love them, too, for who they are as relates to my family. They're weird, sure. But that's who they are. Looking around, then, I started being able to love all the different people there, in different ways. The super-most-annoying lady became "Quirky Sue," in my mind, instead. I mean, accept it, right? It's not going to change. Just love her for who she is. Last night it happened at choir practice -- I felt such love for all the good, odd, annoying, sweet, dedicated people singing next to me and behind me. :) It's hard to explain. I'm trying to carry this feeling to the workplace (and other drivers!), because that's where I get a large majority of scowly feelings toward people. It's hard work (is that okay?), but I like it. Did anyone ever read that horrible book, the Celestine Prophecy? I did, and hated it, but the concept of seeing an "energy" or "light" coming from each person (hooey, in the book) is feeling real to me in this context.

6. What are we reading? I am trying like heck (in ten-minute increments) to finish Kingdom Keepers 1. AJ is loving this series -- he loves ALL the mystery/adventures series -- and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It's fun, but I don't want/need to read any more after this one. It's great for a kid like him, who's been lucky enough to go to Disneyworld enough that he remembers where rides and attractions are, because it takes place there. If you had never been to Disney, I'm not sure it would be as interesting. I'd like to read a grown-up book next, and I have a long list.

7. I'm going to miss singing this anthem with the choir on Memorial Day weekend, and I'm sad because I adore it. So fun to sing. It starts kind-of slow but gets really good around 2:20, and the Alleluias are just awesome. Best with eyes closed. :)

Househousehouse... and gratitude

Writing here is very often a way for me to blow out the nighttime cobwebs and get my brain started. I like to do it, to allow myself room to do it, even though I have a PILE of assignments from work and everyone on my team seems grouchy and stressed. I’m not particularly stressed; maybe I should be. Or maybe I shouldn’t! Take that.

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Mom and Dad were here from last Thursday evening through the weekend, for the annual Grandparents’ Day at AJ’s school. We had a nice time together. Ate lots of good food – including a  new-to-us BBQ restaurant and a new recipe, the Asian brown rice one from this post, that the adults all liked. We had to spend a good amount of time watching movies and just hanging out at the kitchen table, because it poured rain for nearly four days straight, and was cold outside. What is WITH this weather, man? But it was fine because one of the things I like best about spending time with my parents is hanging out at the kitchen table. My house, their house, even our beach condo – this is the stuff good visits are made of.

But the one thing this trip made me think about most was, greedily I guess, having a new house someday that isn’t so creaky and/or non-soundproof; that doesn’t require that they climb stairs; that has a little more space to put stuff and for the kids to play; and that doesn’t require the kids to couple-up in sleeping bags. I’ve said before that it’s FINE for now – the kids like having sleeping bag parties in KT’s room, and it’s so sweet the way she likes having her big brother in there with her (they even hold hands before falling asleep). I don’t want my parents (or DH’s) to feel in any way BAD for coming to visit!! (You’re not allowed to feel bad, Mom, and: Keep visiting!) But there will come a point when it won’t fly anymore. I mean, I suppose we could give Mom and Dad our room, and DH and I could sleep just fine on the couches downstairs, and each kid could keep his or her room… but one little guest room would fix it

Of course, I’m not really expecting to find a ranch-style home. Almost none of the types of neighborhoods I like include ranch-style, and I’d only be willing to buy an older ranch-style house if it was very nicely updated. Or very cheap. I’m assuming all I’ll find is master-on-main options, which I guess would mean Mom and Dad would be offered the master. Which is fine with me, though not ideal. 

So I need to (same refrain) get busy painting and fixing up our house so we can SELL IT. Grey has been determined as an acceptable, trendy-yet-neutral paint color for the master bath. I want to pick WHICH grey, now. And we already have paint for baseboards.  

Yesterday KT and I visited the ENT where her ears were cleared with a teeny-tiny vacuum. She yelled and screamed but maybe not quite as much as last time. Bless her heart. Ice cream was offered out of guilt for making her suffer through that. (And maybe a new book, too [Pete the Cat and his Groovy Buttons!]) She said later that everything was louder. No more “stupid ear.”

AJ is into origami lately. He has several books, particularly likes the “Origami Yoda” series, and even likes to DRAW the origami Yoda figures. He also folds his cloth napkins while we eat dinner. Drives me a little insane. He’s gained a little bit of weight, I think – the other night the scale gave him a 47. It was right after dinner so it might not have been accurate, but I’ll take it. The news has been full of stories of kids suffering lately; DH and I have decided that if he’s short his whole life, we’re grateful and we’ll take it.