Chiropractic Care, aka Self Care

Earlier this month I decided I had thrown everything else at my foot pain issue, I might as well try chiropractic care. My insurance seems to cover it (so far), so why the heck not? 

Plus, the most recent foot repair thing I tried, the night splint, had possibly caused me to torque my back strangely while I slept, and I have been having significant back pain (lower right, and it's my right foot that gives me trouble) the last 3 weeks or so. I wake up unable to bend forward, and in the beginning there was pain all day and through the night too. Are they related? Maybe, maybe not... but a holistic type of doctor seemed like a good way to find out. And one of the only options left that I hadn't tried, lol sob.

I really like it. I've been going twice a week. I've never been afraid of pops and cracks in my spine -- I was definitely that girl who could crack her back loudly, all the way up, when I was a teen (and now Kate does it and makes me cringe). This doctor talks me through things, is very open with what she's doing, what she sees and feels in my body, and that's refreshing. The popping and cracking she causes don't seem very severe to me, yet she seems really pleased when she hears them. Today, on my 5th visit, was the first time she popped anything in my neck. It made me nervous but felt fine, and she seemed astounded at the response she heard. I hope it will do something. So far I have a bit of a headache this time, which is expected after an adjustment. 

Progress seems to be slow, but noticeable, at least in my back. Especially immediately afterwards. She says that after about 6 weeks, adjustments start to "hold" and the body starts to feel better. (Hopefully the foot, too?? Please please please.)

It's kind-of like massage, in that I feel the need to take it slowly the rest of the day after a visit, drink lots of water. And it's very much like what I assume therapy is, because we talk a lot about stuck emotions being the cause of a lot of physical pains. (Of course I have cried while there - so how can my pain be stuck when I have always let my emotions out, with no problem?! But maybe it can.) We talk about diet, movement, breathing. All things I know, but don't always practice at 100%. I feel like she gets me; we're similar age/stage in life. 

Today she mentioned a book called Burnout. (She must mean this one.) My sister and I have been talking about that recently, as well, regarding our jobs. I haven't felt like I personally was experiencing "burnout," because I'm not physically or emotionally TIRED all the time. I haven't even felt particularly stressed lately... yes, there's a lot to do, but I've pretty much decided it doesn't matter if I get it done or not - no one really gives me deadlines, it's just me... and it's all bullshit anyway. I've been doing my prayer and meditation, I can find 5 things every day to be grateful for. I'm fine, you know? Blessed. On good days, work is just something to do, something that allows me to receive a paycheck. (On worse days, I probably haven't exercised and I scroll LinkedIn in a panic: "I have to get out of this, I have to get out of here.") 

However, I read a definition just now, and this part made me raise my eyebrows:

Emotional signs and symptoms of burnout:

Sense of failure and self-doubt.

Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated.

Detachment, feeling alone in the world.

Loss of motivation. Increasingly cynical and negative outlook.

Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment.

Umm. Check, check check check and check?  

Self-doubt, for sure. "I couldn't even GET a different job, I don't have the skills and I'm too old."

Feeling helpless, trapped, defeated? Very very trapped. Never see any opportunity that interests me.

Feeling alone. YES, at my job. Shan left. No one to talk to, share burdens with, at work. Work alone most of the time (which I LIKE, yes, but still).

Loss of motivation. Yep. Don't care. Cynical. Meetings are stupid. I do most work at the last minute possible. It doesn't matter anyway. I barely care if we make our numbers or not. 

Decreased sense of accomplishment. For sure. Whatever I am doing, it's only the bare minimum in my eyes. I'm convinced it's not GREAT work, it just gets the company by. 

(Oh, and one of the physical signs/symptoms is "frequent muscle pain.")

So that's... depressing. Interesting. An "opportunity," as they say. Perhaps I need to read the book. Anyway, I thought writing about it a little might help me FEEL my FEELINGS about it. Because the doctor encourages that.

Self care self care self care. After this I'm going for a gentle walk.

Coming Up For Air

Hey-oh, blog readers! I have been mired in work-work, as you well know, and we're all sick of hearing/talking about it. This is the first time in a month that I've felt the space in my brain to come here to blogger.com. I finally decided yesterday, after a meeting with yet another manager, that no one wants to hear me whine about this anymore. I can feel overwhelmed, of course! It's my prerogative! But no one (particularly at work) has to know. Just go on about the work, get it done, whatever. Note to my family and friends, I may still want to whine to you once in a while. It's necessary to get it out. 

[Just two quick things, though, for my own memory! Our US manager resigned (he who had just become my immediate manager). And now we're in a transitional period with two gentlemen from HQ in Germany leading the way taking the helm (we'll see if they actually "lead"). And also I am required at a meeting in Germany at the end of April! And no one is offering me any promotion or pay-raise! Dear Shawn keeps mentioning indeed.com. He's right to do so.]

I also read somewhere (and was inspired by) the notion that if you're letting your entire mood be dictated by work, you're giving work too much attention/weight in your life. Interesting. I've been pondering that ever since. Maybe I agree. 

ANNNYWAY.... Kate's golden birthday brunch was a success! She did such a good job, with the help of one friend, planning and executing the day. I loved it. I love that she did it herself, the way she wanted. 

Photo wall! Loved this!

She told them all to wear pink/red :)

Heart-shaped waffles *swoon*

So festive!

I tried to stay out of the way and was mostly successful, although I did require that they remember to cut the cake and sing Happy Birthday, which may not have happened otherwise, they were so preoccupied with taking pictures of each other and then reviewing every single shot. ;) 

In other updates, don't ask about the diet I mentioned, it is stalled. Volleyball season doesn't make for good eating habits, and we have been at sports facilities every other weekend, so. Also I discovered an excellent cookie recipe when I needed to use up the rest of the pink and red M&Ms. Whatever. My V8 still sits in the fridge, ha! 

One thing I've been working on is plantar fasciitis, via physical therapy twice a week. It's interesting. While I love having a dedicated hour of basically working out my lower body, I don't love paying for it - PT is expensive and it's the beginning of the deductible year, ugh. We do squats and bridges, some calf stretching but not as much as I thought, and a terrible situation called "Stool Scoots," where I have to use the power of my heel-to-toe motion to move myself across the floor on a wheeled stool. (It's hard!) Nor do I know that any of it is really helping? I can't tell. I guess the intent is to strengthen all the muscles connected to the foot/fascia, but I don't know. I still wake up with foot pain. Mayyyybe it's a bit lessened since starting PT. Mayyyybe I don't have pain as often when I get up from a chair. I'm trying to pay attention but the therapist today said, "Well, it won't be like magic," so that was discouraging. Why can't it be like magic?! 

Still, it's been a good distraction from work, not that I'm talking about that. ;) 

Oh, another new tidbit! I'm ordering from a meal subscription again. Not Hello Fresh, but its cheaper cousin, Every Plate. We've gotten one box and the meals were mostly thumbs up. Not spectacular, but serviceable, and I don't have to shop for every item and that has been a help. Today I made a broccoli-cheese soup from them, for lunch, which was delicious. 

A Morning Walk, and Other Pleasantries

I think there's nothing more pleasant than a morning walk when the weather is nice. And nice, for me, means cool (at least down in the 60s but I don't mind cooler than that) and low humidity. We have that kind of weather this week, hooray! So I just got back from my walk. I saw several hawks enjoying the morning air (I love hawks!).

Equally nice is an over-easy egg on toast, with Cholula and salt & pepper. You can't beat that for breakfast. A poached egg is nice, too, but for me that's a little more trouble. 

A really great workday is the day you can work from home after having to be in the office. This week, we had VIP visitors so it was all-butts-in-seats Monday and Tuesday, but my manager said I didn't have to be there today if I didn't want to, and guess what? I didn't. ;) Today I'm back at my home office, with the windows open and the cats standing watch there, until it gets too warm. 

Another great workday, I just learned, is a WFH day from your (my) parents' house! I took a quick trip last week to Pensacola. Left here Sunday, so we had Sunday night and Monday Labor Day to relax and do nothing, and then on Tuesday and Wednesday, I got up early with the laptop. It was nice! Lovely to just be there and have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. To watch TV together. I tried to be helpful, too, although I feel like I should have done more (definitely should have looked at some health care stuff with Mom, whoops -- next time). I'm going to plan to do that more frequently, I think. Would they like to see the rest of my family, too? Sure. But I think they liked seeing me, alone, just fine. And I sure liked being with them.

Something I've been doing on my WFH days lately, is stopping at 4:00 or 5:00, sitting down with a book and setting a timer for 30 or 45 minutes. Sometimes it morphs into a power nap, other times it doesn't. But usually Kate has just come home from school, so she's having her "chill out" time, too (sometimes she falls asleep) and it's been a DELIGHT to treat myself in that way. Then I'll get up and start dinner. Of course this will change when other activities come into play -- volleyball is about to start up again -- but for now I will TAKE IT. :)

Updates: I think the back extension exercises are helping, and I've stopped doing forward bends, (yes, even the yoga kind). I feel like I have fewer days of outright pain. Is it fully healed? Still no. But I feel a bit better. Shawn is rolling his eyes at me and silently begging me to go see someone. I'm the man in our relationship as far as doctor visits are concerned: I'd rather not. But next up in aches and pains: Plantar fasciitis. I went to a podiatrist once for this problem, and it was the WORST medical experience I've ever had. The guy seemed SO uninterested in helping me, and even seemed like he didn't know what he was doing. But this, my right heel, does seem to be getting worse, not better. Argh. 

Alex is doing great at college. We get to see him this weekend for a band thing (we're going to watch his girlfriend march at her university), so that will be nice. He told me that yesterday he spent a lot of time outside studying. How awesome is that?! 

5 on a Friday

1. The back pain hasn't gotten any better. I've spent the last 2 days deep in the internet, looking up more possible causes and potential solutions. There are a lot of YouTube videos, I can tell you that. My low back aches, um, I would say pretty constantly. It's not sharp pain, it's just always there. I'm still determined to figure it out and self-treat it with the right stretches and care, but I'm not ruling out a visit to a chiropractor or physical therapist in the near future. My theory is that I've strained --over-flexed--  the muscles back there. I do stretch my back a LOT with rounded forward bends, child's pose, and cat/cows; maybe too much. Sitting is also considered flexion, and I have a desk job. It doesn't hurt down through my leg or in my hamstring so I don't think there's any nerve or disc involvement (from what I can read). So this week's remedy is that I'm trying to NOT bend forward, definitely not in the first couple of hours after waking up, and to do more -gentle- extension stretches (superman pose, cobra, etc.) I also bought some Aspercreme.

2. Alex is coming home for a quick visit today. We all have mixed feelings about that, including him -- isn't all the advice to "stick it out," even though it's hard at first? It's been 2 weeks. I haven't posted much about his high school girlfriend (perhaps nothing at all?), but this relates to her. She's attending Georgia State University in Atlanta and they're Trying To Make It Work long-distance. I should probably say no more, except that I will be glad to see him and give him a hug. And that plenty of people, Shawn included, went home frequently on weekends during their college years, and they turned out just fine. I wonder if he's bringing his laundry for me to do. ;)

3. Tonight is the high school Homecoming football game, and tomorrow is the dance! Unusually early. Kate is attending both, with her quickly-made group of girlfriends. I couldn't be happier for her to have found new friends so early on! We bought a dress -- two, actually, that were on sale for $39 each at Macy's -- and she is going to someone's house afterwards. Potential for Shawn and me to have TWO date nights in a row! Having teenagers is awesome. 

4. Jeans: What in the heck is the style this season for moms?? I know there are "mom-jeans" for teens, but I am not interested in that particular cut on my particular middle, thank you very much -- and I don't even know if actual moms are "allowed" to wear them? The only other trend I see is jeans that are very much ripped to pieces, and I'm not doing that either. I guess I don't NEED new jeans... I have a couple pairs I bought last year that are slightly boot-cut and fully intact... maybe it doesn't even matter. However I'm dressed, it's going to be "like a mom" and will be embarrassing. 

5. I can't find a bottled cold-brew coffee that's any good. Kate loves her iced coffee, and I think life would be so much simpler if I could just keep a bottle in the fridge for her, rather than making it hot (we use a Keurig) and then having to immediately cool it down, every day. But the bottled ones I've tried so far taste gross. Can anyone recommend one? 

6. Bonus! I've been reading another fun novel by Jojo Moyes: The Last Letter From Your Lover. It's set in London in the 1960s and starts with a car accident wherein a woman is injured and gets amnesia. Sounds hokey, but it's very well done, and then, surprise, Part 3 is set in present-day! I love this author, highly recommend the book and I haven't even finished it yet.

Hope you have a happy weekend!