A Beep in the Night

Monday morning at 2:37, Kate tapped me on the shoulder. She'd had a bad dream and needed to be "in the middle" of my bed, between me and her Daddy.

Bad dreams, I allow for a cuddle. Everyone needs a hug after a bad dream. So I let her in. Didn't take more than a few minutes before I was too hot and crowded, though, so I convinced her to come back to her room, and that I would stay in there with her. But I didn't sleep well in there, I'll admit. It wasn't even her fault -- my hands/wrists started throbbing and going numb (wreched carpal tunnel). 

I had just drifted off and was having a pretty weird dream, myself, when my 5:35 alarm started. Drat.

So I was sleepy yesterday morning, but got over it. Thank Coffee. Was greatly looking forward to a better night's rest last night.

2:30 am, though, guess what? Alex tapped me on the shoulder. "Creepy dream," he said, and also that he was hearing a weird dinging noise. I heard nothing, but into my bed he got. My 13-year-old almost-a-high-schooler. His puppy feet touching mine, my arm over his back. Bless it. Still needs that hug, like I said, and everyone gets one after bad dreams. He clenched the covers over his head, in his fists. 

Once again, I got hot and needed to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom, finally, I heard the dinging. More like a beep. I went to tell him I'd heard it, and then started wandering around the house to find the Beep. Downstairs, then back up again, not sure where it's coming from. By this time Shawn's awake, and with his help, we discovered the smoke alarm in the garage was the culprit: battery must be out. Why does this only happen in the dead of night?! (Also, why do they always come to Mommy's side of the bed first? Well, I know why... Mommy's a light sleeper and Daddy isn't. lol.) We'll fix the alarm today. And all the other smoke alarms will get new batteries, too. Alex went back to his room and we attempted to go back to sleep, but never really did. 5:35 came too soon again.

I promise I haven't been serving spicy food at dinner, or letting them watch horror movies or anything.

Watch, my body will wake itself up tonight at 2:30. I just bet.

Love and help; and what we're looking forward to this week

I want to finish my thoughts about Kate's sleep patterns. I know I've said that I learn a lot from her, and one of the things is I learn again and again is that my expectations aren't always realistic. What I THINK should've happened is this:

• Years ago, when she was about four, we would have said, OK, Kate, here is how bedtime is going to work: Step 1, step 2, step 3, THE END, and that would have been that. She'd want to do it right and follow the "rules" and she would, and we wouldn't be burdened by it anymore. 

But what actually happened was not that. My expectation was unrealistic. What happened was this:

• She was little, and then as she has grown and changed, her needs/fears/behaviors have changed too, altering her responses to what I thought was a fairly consistent instruction from me. So at one time, it meant she'd come in and sleep in our room. At another time, it meant she needed me and music and back rubs. Another time, she's wanted to chat long after I think it's bedtime and can't go to sleep if she's alone. And now, she seems okay with it.

I don't know, maybe parenting experts would say I did it all wrong, and I'm the parent, and therefore I'm supposed to TELL HER what's what... but I think, instead, that she's a unique person, and as her parent, it's my job to nurture the person she IS. To help her. To help her learn. And maybe it just took her longer to learn this than it takes some kids. 

I don't want to have allowed her to be badly behaved. I don't want my "method" (or non-method?) to have planted some seed that's going to make her a spoiled kid or a spoiled adult. But I do want to have HELPED her. To have shown her love and care -- unconditionally. And I think going through this bedtime struggle with her (sometimes against her, I'll admit; I've been very frustrated by the whole thing for years, as you can maybe tell from this novel of me trying to justify it) -- but going through it with her has been a way to love and help her. And for me to LEARN how better to do that.

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So! On to sunnier things. I have no meetings today and so far, very few tasks, yet my calendars are OPEN and ACTIVE because school starts next week! We've already got regular extracurriculars scheduled on Tuesdays (gymnastics for Kate) and Thursdays (piano for both), and those 2 things begin THIS week because public schools in our county started today. Crazy early! Hello, again, school-bus traffic. We have our "Book Day" this Thursday, otherwise known as Orientation, and I took the morning off in order to go hang out at school for that. I can't wait; it's one of my favorite days of the year.

We've bought supplies, and everything is piled on the dining room table waiting to go. (It's sort of a mess in there. Another reason I'm ready for Thursday.)

On Tuesday, we'll find out the kids' homerooms. Hoping upon hope (with a little help, we think, from a teacher friend) that Kate and her bestie, Callie, get to be in the same classroom together. (And that a troublesome "friend" will NOT be in her classroom...) We don't get much say in this, of course, but fingers are crossed.

I don't have a committee chairperson job anymore (that term ended in May), and I'm TRYING to keep my volunteering to a low simmer. I did help with the Welcoming Committee for new families (2 easy phone calls) and have told the Band director I'd help her with concerts (sending emails, setting up volunteers to bring refreshments), but neither of those things is very taxing. My PTO days for the rest of 2017 are dwindling already, and it's only August, so volunteer jobs that require me to take off work (like the one I had the last 2 years) are not going to work this time around. 

Another thing on my mind is a visit from my coworker the week of Aug. 14th. We'll have meetings during the days (yuck), but one of the weeknights I invited her, and my buddy Shan, to come to our house for dinner. So I'm wondering what to serve. I think it will likely be gumbo and French bread, with wine and cheese for appetizers and some sort of pie for dessert. Yay! Entertaining! 

Update: Kate's sleep

She's doing better.

She really really wants to be free of her ... what's the word? Fears? Limits? Sleep Problems? I'm not sure. (In case I haven't ever defined it here, the problem has been that she needed someone to stay in her room until she was asleep. Shawn and I have been known to stay in there for 30+ minutes which has been... not ideal.) But she wants to, and she's working hard on it, and I'm really proud of her.

Starting at the beginning of this summer, we've had much better nights. She went to camp for 2 weeks, of course, in a room with 6 other people. Those nights were comfortable for her, even though she was away from home. When she first came back, she wanted to stay up really late every night, but because I have to work every morning, and have to get to bed on time (particularly when I was on the WLC), we agreed she would go to bed by 9:45/10.

That was fine. The real boost came when she stayed in Pensacola in late June. Mom would agree to sit with her for a few minutes, but not long. She'd leave with the promise to check on Kate in a few minutes. And we have managed to carry that same tactic over, and are now successfully doing it at home. I sit in her chair for 5 minutes (7 minutes, tops) -- no back rubbing, no begging me to stay. I leave, tell her I love her and will check on her. She says, "OK, I'll try." But she doesn't get back up, she doesn't whine for me to stay. She does try. Something has switched on for her, that she's okay to fall asleep.

Most nights I do check on her, and she's asleep. Some nights I don't. A few times, she has come into our room and slept on the floor, after hearing a weird noise or a dog barking outside her window. She gets set up on her own and is usually very apologetic about it. Breaks my heart a little bit. I don't engage much with her unless she's being really apologetic. I want her to know it's okay. She sleeps fine on the floor.

We're doing better. (Also, thanks so much, Mom.)

(please no jinxies)

Surprises and gratitude

One of the things I'm so grateful for, and feel compelled to report, is that Kate's mornings and evenings are finally settled, and going better. (JINX.) Mornings have started to surprise me, even. She is able to wake up and she WANTS to be the first kid downstairs, dressed and ready. Some days I leave her snoozing in her bed, to go get my socks or say hello to Alex. "I'll give you a few more minutes, Sweetie..." and when I come back, her light is on and she's tying her shoes, for heaven's sake. Blows me away.

I still can't get her to comb her hair on a daily basis, but hey. Fridays is good. Baby steps.


In the evenings, her preferred routine hasn't shortened at all (in fact it might take longer?) but it has ...matured...(?) to this:

• We read chapter books together for 10 or 20 minutes (there are some Tinkerbell/fairy ones - the Never Girls collection -  she likes a lot, as one of the heroines is named Kate and another one is Mia (the name of a friend of hers), or Junie B. Jones books that we've read at least 3 times before, or she kind-of enjoyed a couple of Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew).
• She then spells out exactly what she wants in her lunchbox the next day, and for her 2 snacks, and admonishes me to remember a water bottle.
• She asks me to "give her" a dream, and I've fairly surprised myself by being able to come up with something dream-like and creative on the fly, something different every night... once it was "dream you're tiny and you're playing in a huge tub of popcorn with your friends, and you slide down into it, then toss the popcorn to each other, then eat some, then..." here she interrupts me to add her own embellishments, like "and everything in the world is there? Every thing? a girl could ever want?" And I say, "Sure. It's your dream." and go on like this and try to give her a few things so that her eyes will stay closed for a minute longer after she "starts to dream it." 
• I rub her back while playing her a "Lullaby" playlist that I made on my iPhone (woe to me if I forget the phone, though she's usually willing to go all the way downstairs if it means she'll get to listen to her songs.). The list includes: Amy Grant's "Say Once More," Sting's "Fields of Gold," The Free Design's "Love You" (a song I discovered/listened to when she was an infant), The King's Singers' rendition of Billy Joel's "Goodnight, My Angel," and finally Don Henley singing "Annabel."

It's sweet. Long, but sweet. No more fussing and fighting when I leave. Forever and ever Amen.

There are nights when I make a date with Alex instead. We've been reading Harry Potter IV, The Goblet of Fire, and just finished it this week. I didn't cry. Miracle. Every other night with him, really, would be my preference, but on the other hand, he's older and likes to read by himself more than she does. I find it amusing that he'll read awhile, and then when I come in, he hands the book to me, tells me where he left off, and rolls over to listen to me read the rest.
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He and I had to use our time once last week to read through a very long, required section of his new Boy Scout manual, about avoiding abuse. Yuck. It was yucky. And weird. But as many times as I've read Mir K.'s "under the sink" story, one of the funniest mom-blog posts of all time, I knew that acknowledging that it was weird and awkward and embarrassing would make it better. We got through it. Kid needs to figure out Santa Claus ASAP, though, and let me know, because it's almost time for him to hear the rest of that whole conversation (I think they're starting to approach it in "Family Life" at school (5th grade). I can't have him knowing about s-e-x before he knows about Santa). Yipes. Anyway, GOOD QUALITY TIME talking with my boy is so important to me.
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Spring Break was wonderful. Everything I wanted. The kids swam, the weather was nice so the grown-ups could sit outside, I didn't HAVE to swim with them, but I did, once, we felt the sand under our feet and smelled the healing salt-air at the beach, we hung out with cousins, we had a big dinner party with the fam, and we had the great mornings around the kitchen table that Kate said she loves. I read my book a lot. My parents are the best. I loved every minute of it, and even the driving wasn't so bad.
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It's Friday. GRAAAAAAATEFUL. This week hasn't been too terrible at work. Just your regular assignments and interruptions. Let it be, let go of expectations. Do good work (and keep in touch). I tell myself these things. The mid-week days I look forward to, because after work on Tuesday I take Kate to gymnastics, and on Wednesday I take Alex to piano, and I love attending both of those things. It's free time for me to read, while they're learning and having fun. So those days aren't so bad at all, and by then I've made it to Thursday already.

Sleep, again

Besides my lack of a cardio habit, I think I'm not getting enough sleep every night. My typical weeknight's sleep is about 6 hours, which, according to all the Internet experts, isn't enough. I need at least one more hour. Shawn's laughing right now because he is sure I get plenty of sleep. On the couch, when I'm "supposed" to be watching our TV shows. But it doesn't count.

What I actually need is to give up sitting with Kate for 15 minutes -- 30-40 if I fall asleep -- while waiting for her to fall asleep. No duh, right? I'm embarrassed to say I really don't know how to make that transition. I tried enough times when she was 3, 4, 5... that I finally gave up trying. She's only little once, after all. My heart still tells me that's a truth, but my mind is wishing it could use the 9 o'clock hour instead of losing (most of) it. She needs to get to bed earlier, too, something that she is unlikely to accept.

I think it wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes everything else a big deal. I know my lack of sleep affects my ability to perform well at work, for example. It makes me, for lack of a better word,  grumpy when I'm here. I definitely have a hard time with focus. I flit from one thing to another aimlessly. And I have this low-level simmer of hating everything. Probably.... not healthy for body or spirit.

Prepare for some good news

GET THIS: It is a Monday, but I feel FINE. !!! I know, right?

Here is why, I think: We went to bed at a reasonable hour last night (10-10:30), we slept without interruption (this had not been an issue until the last week or two, when Kate has remembered her younger years' habit and starting coming to see us periodically, around 4:00 am), my darling princess daughter got out of bed and FULLY DRESSED this morning without me, even though I was primed to gently and kindly lead her through it.... and the A-number-one reason.... my bothersome, stress-inducing team members are all away at a week-long meeting in Europe (again)! Woot woot! AND I have a list of tasks that I get to decide when to do, some that are just mindless updating/data entry-type things (which I enjoy), and none that are "OMG we have to do this RIGHT NOW."

THIS IS WHAT MAKES A HAPPY MONDAY. Bosses away, tasks to do quietly. HELL to the YEAH. I also made butternut squash soup last night for my healthy, 2-point lunch.

One other work update that makes me SO happy: My new direct manager, who begins today at said European meeting, (drumroll, pleeeeeeeease.....) HAS CHILDREN! This is a prayer answered, so thank you Jesus. Thank you, thank you. It is difficult to believe, but until the hiring of this woman, not one woman in our current upper management team could ever hope to understand the working-mom thing. Not the President, not the HR director, not the director of Marketing Global (my boss), not my friend/manager Sh@n, not my interim manager H0lly. Some of them have tried to SAY they understand, but in actual fact, they couldn't, because you simply can't unless you've done it. Anyway, the new manager was here for a minute last Friday and mentioned her kids  (s! Plural!) not once, but twice. This bodes well. Now, let's just hope I will actually like her as a person, and not just appreciate that she appreciates my personal situation.

Hallelujah! Happy Monday.

Late summer blues

This is the time of year when I get sad about working full-time, at a desk job. 

I think it's two things:

It's the monotony of my job during this time of year -- go to office, sit in cubicle, do work on the computer until 4:30 pm, rinse and repeat tomorrow.

And it's the scramble after daycare camp has closed for "fall," since our parochical school can't just follow the county school schedule exactly. (Daycare follows the county, and they start school earlier than we do by 3 days.) I always think, "If only I [worked freelance/didn't work/worked part-time], this wouldn't be a problem." So now we have to figure out what to do with the kids for Aug 4, 5 and 6, and the one family I can usually count on to keep them one day, who have a boy and a girl both, are going to be out of town this year. Care.com, I guess? Sigh.

Plus, I suspect that at this point in the summer, the kids do start to notice the monotony of going to 'camp' in the first place. I guess if they stayed home for the summers, they'd be SO BORED, too. Kids get anxious and ready to go back to school -- I definitely remember that. Mine were lucky this year; June was packed, and they were out of town most of that month. So July hasn't been AS monotonous as it could have been. But still.

ANYWAY, it's Friday, and hopefully I can be very productive today, and very productive this weekend, and feel better soon. I don't like being 'grumpy pants' (or sad pants) but I kinda have been. Bleh.

P.S. Another TWO successful bedtimes under Kate's belt. I think my plan is working, muah-ha-ha.

Success w/pajama walking

Just reporting in: Last night we convinced Kate to try everything on the list. No dessert after dinner, no screentime after dinner, and a pajama walk. She went to bed and didn't get out until this morning. The pajama walk was awesome, even thought it started raining pretty hard at 7:50 pm, right as we were putting on our shoes to head out the door. We waited just a few minutes for it to stop and thankfully, it did. Just a pop-up. (One of my favorite childhood memories is of a late-evening walk my family took after a rainstorm once. I think we saw a rainbow, even -- I can still picture the way the sunset and clouds looked. I go back to it often.)

Anyway, we saw a family with three young kids. Didn't stop to chat, just said hello, but maybe next time. They were splashing in puddles. At first I was adamant that we all stay together and go slowly, but Shawn convinced me to let Kate go on ahead. And he's right -- her mind was wandering without us and I bet that helped wind her down, even though she was doing more skipping and running than I thought she should.

We still didn't get her to lights-out until 9:05, so we'll work on that. But I am encouraged.

Sleep Regressing

Argh. Kate's having some sort of sleep regression. (Can kids still have them at 6 years old? I should be writing to Ask Moxie.) I thought we were past it, but we're apparently not. The last 2 nights, she's come back downstairs after I've put her to bed -- never until after 9:00, even though we start talking about bedtime at 8:00 -- multiple times saying she's hot, or she can't sleep, or she's just not tired. I'm not sure what got her out of sync but Shawn and I have about had it. We JUST WANT an hour. We JUST want to watch ONE episode of a show, and maybe have a snack on the couch.

I'm still not just tucking her in and leaving, mind you. I never have been able to do that, not since her infancy. I still have to sit with her for 5 minutes. And I don't mind that anymore. It's five minutes of my life, you know? When I'm being mindful, I use it to pray for her, for a restful night and a good day tomorrow. Mothers' prayers. When I'm not being mindful, I just use it to quiet my own mind. And by that I mean, my mind just wanders. I don't mind 5 minutes. She needs someone with her (extrovert). I guess if I'm meant to be that person for 18 years, so be it. But golly, this last 2 nights... I will say that she's had naps both those days. Sunday she put herself down on the couch; she was feeling feverish, in fact. She slept through our dinner, and we let her, because the previous time we'd woken her and faced a Class A Tantrum. So I know, that was too close to bedtime and probably a mistake.

Yesterday I stayed home with her. Since she only had about 6 hours sleep I wanted her to sleep in. I was planning to just go to work late, but when she woke up she said, "I just want to sleep all DAY," and "Everything hurts," and I couldn't in good conscience send her to summer camp like that. I made her promise to nap before 2:30pm, and she did. 2:30 'til about 4:00. Then we took a 20-minute walk later. She ate a great dinner. It was dessert night so she had a small dish of ice cream. She had a bath, watched a little TV with Alex, fussed about blow-drying her hair, brushed teeth and we read together for ten minutes. It was actually really nice.

Four times, she came out of her room. She sneaked downstairs, or she called me from the top of the stairs. "Mommy? Mommy? ...I'm hot." "Well, take off your shirt." "I can't fall asleep." "TRY." Finally, she came tearfully into our room at 10:30 (we had given up staying downstairs in the hopes she would figure out it was late). It breaks my heart because I know she's trying. When she's really sobbing, I know she's frustrated, too. I pulled her in bed next to me, and she was asleep in minutes.

Here's what I plan to propose to her, after doing a little reading this morning when I'm rational:

·         Problem: Dessert after dinner. Too much sugar is hard for the body to process so fast (sugar gives you energy).

·         Possible Solution: “Desserty” snacks after school/camp instead: Ice cream or popsicles or cookies. Warm milk after dinner, if you want something.

·         Problem: TV/Screentime. Experts say you should turn off all screens at least 1 hour before bedtime.

·         Possible Solution:  (There’s one main solution to this, and that is to not watch TV/play iPad/iPhone after dinner.) Something we could do instead: Pajama Walks. (I own that guy's book, by the way.) Put on PJs, brush teeth, and take a nighttime walk around the neighborhood together. Slow and gentle, very mellow.

·         Problem: Trouble with bath-taking and drying hair. When we argue about this, our bodies get “revved up” and it’s hard to settle back down.

·         Possible Solution: Baths as soon as we get home from school/camp, when it’s bath night. OR, shower in the morning instead! (hair can air-dry)

P.S. I'm slightly embarrassed that I have a whole category about this.

7QT: Might as well finish out the week!

--- 1 ---

HEAVY SIGH. Love & Logic Night 4: It doesn't work if you switch up the routine. As in, on Thursdays we like to watch a TV show all together from 8 - 9pm. So there's no time for the wind-down, the happy-dappy choices game, and the talking about the "agreement." Maybe there IS time, but I ...It was another epic fail last night and then I FORGOT about the Hail Marys. Convinced it won't work without the Hail Marys.

--- 2 ---

Little rant about new people at work: The new guy on my team consistently jumps ahead and does whatever he thinks, before consulting others. I don't know that I'd put his ranking above mine -- if he were a superior, I'd give him a pass -- but he's more on an equal level. Last week he and I were copied on an email with 2 "next steps," the first of which I was responsible for. (sorry Grammerrrr?) I completed my Step 1 yesterday, and he has already replied this morning with news that he'd gone ahead and done Step 2. SO WHY AM I EVEN HERE? GGRrrrrrrr. New people need to settle down and absorb the team vibe before coming in and stepping all over it. Good thing he has a kind-sounding accent and used a 'wink' emoticon in an email already, or I would dislike him completely. #workstuff

--- 3 ---

First dose of AJ's medication: Doc said it would start working within 3 days. AJ had placebo effect, in that case, because this morning he was all proud for eating his mini-pancakes (4) AND two Pop-Tarts. (See, I'm feeding him all the right things to put on weight!) But hey, good for him, whatever works!

--- 4 ---

Reading! Books are fun! I read Life of Pi, by Yann Martel, at the beach. It was super, super good. I've said before, any book that elicits a strong emotional reaction whether it's love or anger toward a character or a plot, ranks as good. If it engages me enough that I get mad, good! If I cry and cry because I don't want it to end, good! This one made me walk out of the bedroom, after I'd read the last chapter, with a "O_O" look on my face. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? I loved it. I loved that that tiger was called Richard Parker.

Next, I read a book called Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It, by Gary Taubes. Don't recommend it. For a week and a half, it had my brain all skewed about what foods are good and what foods are "bad" -- it claims carbs are bad enough to be the CAUSE of cancer, and while maybe that's true, I have finally come back out of his brainwash, determined it's about 75% bunk. I mean, NO, we shouldn't eat all the white carbs. Obviously. Doughnuts and soft white bread are not real food. But his "diet plan" has you eating no sugar, not even fruit (red flag), no dairy except cream, plenty of fat, and he says you shouldn't exercise in the first couple of weeks because you won't have enough energy to do so. It was all very interesting, but confusing, and it's going into the archives of my Kindle so I don't have to look at it and be tempted again. It's one of those, "too good to be true" plans. Eat steak and butter and you'll lose weight!

I call Shenanigans. SHENANIGANS.

Right now I'm totally into Here Be Dragons (but only 40% through it, yay! don't want it to end)! Knew I'd love it, and I do.

--- 5 ---

Sandwich Artists: I just ate a delicious Black Forest Ham sandwich from Subway, with no chips whatsoever. The second half of that statement is, sadly, significant. But the keys to a good Subway, IMHO, are 1) Toast it; 2) Add avocado; 3) GET the onions. I know, you don't want to taste them the rest of the day, but MAN, can onions spruce up a boring ol' sandwich, or what? When I was in the 7th grade, my aunt made us ham and onion sandwiches sometimes for lunch (with mayo). I'd never had that simple combo before, but I liked it.

--- 6 ---

Stalling: Just now in the restroom stall, I heard the company Pres a few doors down, clicking on her phone. Settings > Keyboard Sounds, is my friendly advice to her.

--- 7 ---

No more Happiness Lists: I kind-of love this post from Britt Reints. SO many people, in so many "industries" like Health and Wellness and Stress and Productivity, are trying to distill the whole beauty of life down into "10 or 12 Easy Tips." And it's very tempting to think that could work -- could equal Happiness, capital H. Totally guilty here of wishing it were so. But guess what?

SEO tricks probably shouldn't dictate or measure your emotional status.

And with that, I'm done for the week. Happy Friday!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Love & Logic bedtime, Night 3... Or: Overtired.

Not necessarily from staying up late.

Night #3 was not as lovely as I was hoping things would be. We took the kids to an indoor trampoline park at dinnertime, to celebrate AJ's birthday. A great time was had by all, and the kids, of course, were totally panting from all the running around and bouncing off surfaces that those places allow kids to do. (I am SO going to look into "Sky Zone Fitness" for adults! Superfun!) Then we fed them (pizza and) cookie cake, and I misjudged and handed out chocolate bars in place of the loathesome "goodie bags," and KT ate half of hers.

So by the time we got to "bedroom time" at 9:00 (past time), we had all the makings for a fine Sugar Crash layed out in front of us.

And that is what happened, IMHO. Another way you could look at it is that she found a loophole in the fabric of the Love & Logic plan: "I'm SCARED of being alone in my room." The whole L&L deal is predicated on the fact that she's in there, and I'm not. Well, Miss Overtired was having none of that. She was all of a sudden scared of being by herself.

I remained calm. I did not raise my voice. But I did eventually leave her mostly fake-wailing in the dark (9:30). DH had to clean up my mess, I guess, because she switched to crying for him, after that. He managed to quiet her and of course she fell asleep.

We were ALL extra-tired this morning, even though I went to "bed" (couch) at 10:30.

Reporting live. Tune in next time for another riveting installment of My Kid Is In Charge, Against My Will.

Love & Logic bedtime, prequel and Morning 1

Last night's post was done from my Kindle Fire, which I discovered is a terrible way to do a blog post! Very difficult to type and edit. Here's the short version backstory: KT is a terrible go-to-sleeper. I suspect she has her Daddy's and Gammy's night owl genes, which is fine for adulthood, but not so great for childhood, particularly when you have two parents who need to be out of the house by 7:00 am. Not to mention she has school to attend -- real-live, actual Kindergarten school -- starting in 5 weeks. For years I've done the typical bath, brush teeth, book with her, then stayed in her room while she falls asleep. Typically our goal is to have her in bed by 8:30. And typically I don't leave her room -- "But Mommy, I don't know HOW to fall asleep! Whine, whine, help me, I CAN'T..." -- until 9:30. Occasionally, we've Had It Out. That happened on Sunday night, after she'd been away from me for a full week. Nice welcome home, Mom -- fighting at bedtime. She refused to DO WHAT I SAID, and I KEPT STUBBORNLY TRYING TO CONTROL HER... then it escalated and I cried, and she cried. I apologized. She saw I was crying and apologized, too, and we had a hard, tearful hug. I promised I would try to be better and she did too, nodding and sniffling. Oh, we had a moment there. I decided to be honest with her, since with any relationship, honesty is the best policy. I told her I didn't know what to do about bedtime. Poor us. She was finally sleepy so I retreated to my room and got busy saying Hail Marys, because prayer's all I had left. I said a lot of Hail Marys. In the stress of that episode I became convinced that I just don't know how to parent this particular child. And then, in el-e-e fashion, I went back to a book. Drs. Fay and Cline of the Love & Logic Institute suggest a sure-fire way to fix kids' bedtime: GIVE UP CONTROL. Make the natural consequences the kid's consequences. Like so: Let the child know that after 8:30 (or whatever time you decide) is "Mommy and Daddy's free time," and that the only rule is the kid must stay in her room. The parent should give the kid a lot of choices about whether she wants the light on or off -- the fan on or off -- soft music on or off? -- want to read in your bed or play on the floor? -- and no other rules, other than "stay in your room." As I honestly told KT that we were going to try it, she got very excited. Could she stay up all night? Sure, I said, but just know that we wake up at 6:00 am, and we leave the house at 7:00. If you're tired tomorrow, I told her, that's going to be your problem. She reasoned out that she does have naptime at daycare, so she could catch up then (pretty smart), and I reiterated that the doctors who wrote this book say kids need about 9 or 10 hours of sleep. (I had told her I read a book and found a great solution to our bedtime problem. Why not? Honesty again -- I figure it's worth a shot.) So, we agreed to give it a try. She asked if she could have her sleeping bag and I said sure. She told me she loved to comb her doll's hair and that's what she was going to do. I gave her a hug and told her, "Okay, it's up to you. Good night!" And I left. (Hail, Mary, please let this work.) She came out a couple of times but went straight back in when I gently reminded her of the rule. It's a work in progress. I assume if there is a lot more coming-out-of-the-room, I will say, "Oh, it's too bad you forgot the rule. We'll have to turn the lights off and try this again tomorrow night." I found her snoring away on the floor, lamp still on, when I went to bed at 10:30. * * * * This morning she wasn't exactly EASY to wake, but she never is. Like I said, she went to sleep around the same time she normally does. We'll see if she's tired in the awful 5:00-6:00 pm hour today. That'll likely be the true test. But I'm hopeful. (DH is skeptical, which I fully understand. I was skeptical too and really hesitant to try this, but also: at my bedtime wits' end.)

Love & Logic bedtime experiment, Night 1

10:21 p.m. She's asleep. Went that way of her own accord, too. I finally had to try it tonihht. Not that I havent wanted to since I first read about it. I guess I was jusr being stubborn about being in control of her bedtime. (Ha, wonder where she gets it?!) Tonight we called it "bedroom time" instead.nShe was all for it-- said, "This is going to be a great nihht!" We'll see what tomorrow morning brings, but she was asleep by ten, which is normal for her, and i didnt have to lose my temper at any point in the process. How bout that. The funniest thing was when she peeked out of her room, wearing white gloves and a necklace, and said, "i dont really know what to do." I suggested maybe she lie down. ;)