June is busting out all over.

We're back, after a nice long holiday weekend plus one extra day for us. Yesterday I actually had time to go get my hair done. First time since December, people. What a luxury. I savored every moment of those toxic bleach-y fumes, every word of Allure magazine, and the salon-gossip my stylist was catty (awesome) enough to share with me.

I'm torn today because June holds much promise -- the month of our family vacation hooray!, the first month that school's out so traffic is thinner, the month of my 32nd birthday -- but as I make my to-do list at the office this morning, I'm seeing a month FULL-UP with WORK. Why is it that EVERY YEAR, I think work's going to slack up a bit, and send me on vacation to refresh and renew... but instead I end up SLAMMED right up until we close the trunk of the car on our way out? Every. Year. All of a suddent things are piling up: client visits, websites to write, blah ba dee blah, blah, blah. This year, add an extra choir concert on the 17th and a whole lot of unexpected social committments like this random h.s. graduation party we have to attend this Saturday, and I'm fully burned out before the month even starts. Plllllbbbbbbttt.

I will handle it (and not whine... every day). At least my gray hairs -- which will undoubtedly BUST OUT with this upcoming stress (and being SO OLD!) -- are now properly disguised as summer highlights. :)

Message for larry:

I am bored and can't stay focused!! Blahghhghghaaaaa. Friday afternoons suck. Methinks Friday night is going to be LIQUOR NIGHT at my house.

We're going to visit Shawn's grandparents so you guys have a burger-grillin', lawn-sprinkler-playin,' baseball-watchin' lemonade-sippin' Memorial Day without me.

MWAH!

P.S. Turns out the Old Navy MADRAS shorts -- which I LOVELOVELOVE in the commercials -- drool over, really, I had some yummy madras clothes in the '80s -- are Short-shorts. Rrrrrrgh. I do not think it would be good if I put Short-shorts on these thighs. Damn.

Can do it myself

I got screamed at by my 22-month-old last night because I DARED to put away his DVD case, which he told me it was time to put "wa-way," instead of lifting him high above my head so he could reach the shelf and do it HIMSELF. So we're at that stage.

Personally, I am right at the opposite end of that stick. I was thinking yesterday, while doing a work assignment, "I really don't LIKE doing this. But the fact is, I CAN do it, I have the SKILLS necessary to do it." Kind-of a bummer that I have those skills, because it means I Have To do the assignment.

Guess I'll be a great coach when AJ gets to the "I DON'T WANNA" stage. :)

Tummy bugs

AJ has another tummy problem, so I'm home today feeding him attempting to feed him yogurt and plain crackers and clear liquids. He's not really into yogurt these days. Even though I tried to fool him by announcing his "cherry pudding" was for lunch. Hmph. Too smart for me, I guess. We only managed to get a few bites of the good bacteria in him. He gets the occassional stomach cramp when he comes to me and wants to be held for a minute. "Does your tummy hurt, buddy?" He answers, "Ah do." :( Poor little man.

My husband's grandfather's been diagnosed with a malignant tumor in his lower intestine. This is a big bummer. The man's fairly weakened already so they aren't sure he's up to dealing with a surgery. So that's really really sad. Not sure what happens from here; it feels rather like no one's got much hope about an old man surviving it. I know that's reality but it seems wrong not to even WANT to fight it. Sigh. I know it's going to hit my husband hard because Grandad was really a father for him. He used to go stay with them in the summers and I know he cherishes those times and Grandad's gentle wisdom. And his indulgence of DH's childhood whims. Grandad took him to see movies, and if there was ever a toy that DH couldn't get in Georgia, Grandad would beat a hot path looking for it in every store in Tennessee. :)

We're anticipating DH's colonoscopy in a few weeks, as well. That will be fun. It's his 4th or 5th one and he's not forty yet! They're preventive of course, and necessary to keep watch on Captain Crohn. I'm sure that Grandad's news will weigh heavy on him this time. Sigh. I'm naturally a tad worried that all these gastroentologic legacies will someday reveal themselves in AJ's little body. Guess I'd better start a serious devotion to St. Timothy.

There'll be joy

I knew I wouldn't be able to stand "taking a break" from blogging. :) So I'm here, even though I still don't feel I have anything much to share. Except, well, writing things down that *I* want to remember, like last weekend I participated in possibly the best choral experience I've ever had. Now for me that's saying a LOT, because I have had the honor of singing in LOTS of choral concerts. Some in Europe, which you'd think would make them top on the list just by geographical and architectural default. I've been inspired many many times by particular MOMENTS during a choral performance. Like when I sang Handel's Messiah, when all the A-mens begin, I really FELT the "end" of that piece -- the culmination, because it paralelled my own life at that moment. It was the end of my college career -- my senior year Spring concert -- my last event with my first concert chorus. The end of my first love affair with choral music. (Oops, watch out for my dripping Sap!) I had a brief moment singing those Amens where every instance of music in my life was brought to mind: Granny, "the" singer in our family who taught me by example; my childhood stint in the First United Methodist and First Presbyterian choirs in my hometown (I was very young - maybe only 3 or 4 - for one of those choirs); all the piano and violin lessons; "songleading" in elementary school Masses... it was a tearful but happy moment that I'll never forget. And the times in Europe WERE great, too. Sometimes I'd just marvel at where we were -- Poland, Prague -- those were amazing moments.

That said, this past weekend was, yes, I think a teeny bit BETTER. The music we sang included a lot of songs I'd done before, and some, like Schubert's Mass in G, that I didn't think I even liked in rehearsals. But I learned very definitively that *the orchestration* is what makes Schubert and Mozart. The choral components? Meh. But put 'em together -- stand right in the middle of it, feel it happen around you with the 2nd violas sitting right there and a great conductor, an organist, and focus on your every note so that you execute each one perfectly as it was meant to be sung? and it's heaven. It's mathmatical and perfect and a full unique language. That is why those guys are called "genius."

Choral performance is most assuredly my favorite thing to do. I would rather have been in that church, on those risers Saturday night, than just about anywhere else. [And now for some stream of consciousness that I typed out shortly after the concert...] Durufle motets -- Tota Pulchra Es won't get out of my head now, I love it. Totus Tuus -- hardest choral piece I've ever sung -- and I've done it twice in performance now -- Such a prayer. "Totus Tuus sum Maria" -- I am completely yours, Mary -- Our Mother -- was a good chance for me to ask for strength and guidance in motherhood. The whole experience was spiritual for me. The actual "spirituals" made me grin wide. Gilead, Ride On King Jesus, Little Lamb, and Ain'a That Good News! Man! The acoustic was amazing, the music well chosen, the artists real, the sound glorious. The last note of Little Lamb = "Joooooy!" reverberated at least 6 seconds. I am PRIVILEGED to have been part of all of it. I heard my own voice, singing its best and loudest! at times. And yet it was just a tiny part of this grand whole GROUP -- a real communion with others, musical ensembles. I know that music is, aside from my family, my husband, and my son, Absolutely the greatest gift God gave to me. -- to the world! It's larger than me, larger than the world. It's a Privilege. And it's very humbling.

Thanks. Had to get that out. :)

Twitchy

I think I need a break from blogging. When I insistently click "Bookmarks" in my toolbar, but feel hopeless even as I scroll down to the "Blogs" folder that nothing in there is going to interest me, I think that's a sign. When I get a blank page in front of me and drum my fingers on the keys, unable to think of ANYTHING meaningful to type, that's another sign. Also when my eyes burn.

[Aside:] Anybody else just plain jealous that other people are being PAID, real-time full-time jobs, to mom-blog? I mean, yeah, happy for them and all that, but man, I could SO deal with some a'that action. We can't all be superstars, though, and I'm nowhere near the caliber. It's like church: some of God's angels sing from the pews and not from the choir loft. We need them there, too.

Anyways I think I'm backing off for a bit. I just might not hit "publish" in the next week or so. (Watch me get bored today at come over here to talk about Tom Hanks' hair, which, by the way, I think is appropriate to his daVinci Code CHARACTER. It's called acting, people. Plus he had to do something different so people wouldn't think "hey, it's Forest Gump. It's Jim Lovell. It's Tom Hanks!" Duh.)

I might not even read my favorites for a week or so. Gasp. What'll I read?? Well, I just bought 2 books the other day -- fiction, fun books simply because I WANTED them, quelle treat! -- maybe those. (Poisonwood Bible by B. Kingsolver and Plain Truth by J. Piccoult, in case you're wondering.)

Later, gators. :)

Mother's Day gift

AJ is starting to abosrb the world with all 5 of his senses. A few weeks ago when DH bought me some flowers on his way home from work (! writing that here because I want to remember it!), AJ was very keen to "mell" them. He got his little nose close and then giggled with the delight that is a rose's fragrance.

He's also hearing things. Last Thursday we were in the front yard doing our daily ball-playing with Napoleon, and a siren of some sort began its moaning on the way to rescue. "Heah dat?" AJ said. "Heah dat?" Yes, I grinned, "That might be a fire truck!" And AJ said, "Ray tut!" (Red truck!) Genius child! I loved that he heard it from so far away and mimicked what I've evidently been saying to him every time I hear something interesting.

So last night, we went out for Mother's Day dinner at, where else? My favorite Mexican place. It sits really close to a working railroad track, and while we were in line at the hostess stand, a train moved through. Husband walked over to the side of the building so that AJ could see the choo-choo, and reported back to me that AJ clamped onto him pretty tightly as it whistled by. No more than 100 yards away, a train is rather LOUD, you see. Later during our meal, which we ate in the back of the restaurant, another train came through. AJ heard it, looked up at me with eyes wide and a tiny whimper, and then

reached out and held my hand (my finger, actually) the rest of the meal.

The gift of Touch. :)

Week in Review!

Hey, check me out, I'm openly stealing! It has come to this. :)

Reading:
Wish I could name a book o' the Bible a la Melessa's WIR, but alas, I am not as good a person as she. Maybe I should start with JAMES, though. It's in my head, for some reason. I think the JAMESes are good, uplifting books. To wit:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)

We'll put that on the to-do list.

Happily, I'm finally reading Harry Potter 6: the Half-Blood Prince. It's good that I've put a great deal of time between this and the last HP book. Although I've really loved all of them, they can be a bit tiresome (Harry begins schoolyear. Harry dislikes the Dark Arts prof. Hermione is very smart. Ron is not so much. The three of them ward off V-mort again. Hagrid bumbles around with an animal. Dumbledore dispenses sage advice. Harry returns to Privet Drive. The end). Of course, Rowling helps my procrastinating by how long it takes her to write each one! BUT, within her formula plot, she keeps churning out incredibly detailed characters and conflicts, so I forgive her. It'll probably take me a year to read this one; I get through a chapter page or two and drift immediately off to sleep. This is the state of my reading life avec child.

Watching:
So much watching. Our best friend Tivo works hard for us. Let's see, LOST this week was not as much of a mind-blower as the week before; it was more about trying to figure out whatthehelljusthappened. That show consistently impresses me, though. Again, detailed conflicts and several-thousand-layered characters. I LOVE IT. Poor Hurley. He was so sad. (Surprisingly, I did not cry.)

I also have FOUR, count'em, FOUR episodes of Scrubs recorded. Not sure when we'll ever watch those but JD and the gang totally crack me up. Not to mention this week's Amazing Race, a documentary about 9/11 that hubby recorded, and infinite Battlestar Galactica episodes that are so old now (from LAST summer?) I'm not even interested. Gah!

Mostly I'm watching Lady and the Tramp and lately, the Teletubbies. If you can believe this, my son's daycare introduced them to him. Daycare shows them one video per week. When it was Barney it was bad enough (although I had let Barney slide into our lives long before AJ started videos at daycare). But Britain's Weirdest? I did NOT need that. Thanks KidsRKids. "Aly wally Tubby? Aly wally Tubbie?" SIGH.

In My Netflix queue:
Hahahahahaha. We gave up Netflix 2 weeks after AJ arrived. We knew it was a doomed relationship. Hwever, I had recorded TAPS on the Tivo a few weeks ago, and watched it this week. Very good movie; such young versions of Sean Penn, Timothy Hutton and Wacko Cruise. It's one of Hubby's favorites from childhood and I enjoyed it. Pretty shocking, for its time.

What're you reading/writing/watching?

Magic eraser takes out any stain

One of the bad things about blogging when you're down is that it looks like the whole entirety of Thursday, May 11 was spent in the "dark place," unless I post something else. In truth, however, after I worked out (ROAR! Abs and arms today!) I felt much better. Checked off my to-do-list items. Did a little work, in fact. Drank some juice.

What-ever, depressive feelings. Pfft, I say.

Perennial ingrate

Imagine me sitting at the table in my kitchen, AJ safely in place at the daycare, hubby at work, no one to deal with but my sweet iBook and fuzzy, snoring dog; braless, makeupless, shoeless, checking email to discover I had no client bothering me, nothing really on my project radar, drinking coffee with Cool Whip Lite in it. Surfing my blogs. Imagine me, COMPLAINING about that. Good Lord in Heaven, somebody smack me! But there it is, I was ignoring all those good things and feeling sad, instead, when I ran out to Walgreen's to pick up some "Con-grad-ulations" (and, shhhh, Mother's Day) cards that MUST get in the mail today, because I drove RIGHT BY the daycare. And AJ was in there, and not with me. And I couldn't stay out too long becuase I am chained to my computer. Waaaaaa, I Have To Work.

What a righteous B R A T in big bold letters across my rear end. Because I can wallow in that one sad thought for, like, a couple of days if I try really hard. I can let it fester and in a matter of minutes produce real, hot stupid tears about it. I've gotten quite good since I've now been doing this for 22 months. (Like you don't know! I've only spent 42% of this blog going on and on and on about it. Okay, 52%.) It pisses me off. I have all of the best blessings in this LIFE. And I get to talk to grown, interesting adults every day! I am somewhat important to the workings of a business -- validated, in a word! (I am certain the moms that I envy do not get enough Validation for their Work.) And yet, somehow it isn't enough for me. I don't accept it as my final destination. I am not yet Satisfied.

I don't even quite know what it is I want. Mostly, it has to do with the future, because right now, really, it's working. WFM 2 days a week, Good. Daycare, Good. Money! Quite Good. But someday, I will need, and therefore I need to start preparing for:
--Easier logistics. How will I pick up AJ at 2:30 after school if I'm working full time and AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY?
--More Time for Him. As AJ gets older, he'll need someone to drive him to things. Like Comic Book Club and Video Game Practice. In fact, my SAHM best friend says she's more glad NOW to have the time for her 9 and 7 10 and 8 (ack! so big!) year olds than when they were toddlers. They need her to be a SAHM more now, for homework and activities and such.
--Summers off. How else am I going to get a freaking tan? But no, in all seriousness, who's going to take AJ to the pool? And enjoy long days with him? And get him interested in the library's summer reading program? I don't want him to have to attend day-camps one after another from June 'til September. The thought of that makes me more sad. I know that kids DO it, and survive, but I didn't have to. And I can't make myself stop attaching what was MY reality to what I think AJ's should be.

So the only thing to do in this situation is to quit sitting here being a sad brat, wishing, and Get Up and Do Something. Make a List. Because if I'm doing the little things on the list, at least then I can restart the Grateful, for this present moment, and stop gnawing at my own arm for the big, bad future.

1. Put roast in crock pot.
2. Workout.
3. Get cards in the mail.
4. Put Shit Away (laundry, mail, random toys, dishes).
5. Email Certain Friend(s) I've been neglecting to reply to.

There now. Moving on. Maybe one of these days I should make a life goals list, too, and work on that.

P.S. Sorry, readers. This is really the worst kind of navel-gazing and my darkest place.

Feeling share-y?

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Shiny prize! Shiny prize! Ahem. I mean, money for a good cause! good cause!

Sticks and snails

Today, as always, Kira posts a beautful, funny note about the mysterious world of little boys. She being an expert, with three of them. I love love love to read her, because I get a glimpse of -- an education about -- this world OF WHICH I KNOW NOTHING! :) I have a sister, no brothers. "I don't know no" trucks or action heroes or Bionicles. Yesterday I got a small inkling of what my son's world -- and my living room floor -- will become in the next few years ...we had to get a birthday present for AJ's friend Matthew, who turns 2 next week. His mom said, "Anything related to cars or trains." So, I turned our Target cart down the darkly-colored aisle (as opposed to the glittering, pinkly-colored aisle -- are girls' things getting MORE glittery, btw?), and slo-o-o-o-wly perused all the staggering, mysterious boy merchandise. Hot Wheels. Xmen. "Web Copters" and "Ultimate Warriors." And things with names like "Bardock" and "Slimer." I was starting to get short of breath. A little overewhelmed and I have to PICK something out of this mess of parts and plastic?? But AJ, sitting quietly in the cart, knew right away where we were when we reached the transportation area.

"TUTS!" he exclaimed. "Mama, wodududo aww da TUTS!" (He's adding extra syllables into his sentences these days. I love it.) "Yes, honey," I replied.

Look At All The Trucks.

Trucks.

:)

Guess I'm missing out

I really wish I could get inspired by the theme of "cheating," so I could enter this month's B4B. But I can't. I've racked my brain but my sister and I were just too sweet to each other when we played Sorry! and Clue. Oh well. :) Maybe I'll be inspired next month. If you have a novel in the wings about cheating, though, why not go post a chapter? Take a chance! I think you have 'til the end of today.Scratch that, time's up!

I also missed "This Day in the Life". I suppose I could do it retroactively, but I'm not feeling that much energy. The 6th, Saturday, can be summed up thus: Woke up, had breakfast, watched "Lady and the Tramp" twice, observed AJ being adorable, lather-rinse-repeat. Oh, also worked out, yay! And ate dinner on the back porch. Drank a bottle of our Biltmore wine. Got headaches. It was a great day but I'm not able to type out the details this time.

Blogging on the weekend is hard for me. When I'm at work, sitting in front of a computer screen anyway, sure. But when I have a free day? Gettin' out the ol' laptop doesn't really call to me like baking or playing outside or reading a book or...uh... lazing on my sofa do. :)

Dream Friday

Oh, this was a funny one: It was the week of my family's annual beach vacation. It was also the week before a St. Joseph's choir concert of some sort. (In real life we don't do concerts.) So the whole choir went with me to the beach. And the director, who in the dream was one of the sweetest altos in the group, made us rehearse all day every day of MY VACATION! It was crazy. On Thursday, I was hoppin' mad and I told everyone, "We've been here 4 days and I haven't even been to the pool yet! Grumble harumph, mrph mrph!"

So that one's pretty easy to interpret, yes? Methinks I carry the choir "burden" a little closer to my heart than necessary. !

I put all the week's dreams down on paper and thought about them, and it's pretty clear that somehow, I'm not quite satisfied. I'm feeling "in transition," and not sure where the journey is going to lead me next. Things are gray. Murky. Frustrating. I could admit it's relative to my job -- that I don't feel like I want to "settle" HERE in this situation forever -- or, that it's about wanting to move to a small town - specifically, my parents' small town -- or, amazingly, that church choir means enough to me that this decision about whether to quit or not is causing my subconscious much angst... but I think it's just about life in general. According to the email that gets forwarded around, you're supposed to

"Trust your Higher Power that you are exactly where you're meant to be. Let this presence settle into your bones..."

...guess I'm not quite doing that. I'd like to, though. I really would. I think that's what I should take from this little exercise.

Thursday dream

I only remember one scene, of being in a museum/aquarium of some sort, but it was set up in someone's creaky old house. Not an old house renovated to be a museum, but someone's actual home. Some of the rooms were bedrooms. Everything was gray or gray-green. It seems like some of the fish or lizard tanks were dirty, but I can't be sure. It was crowded and people were filing through. I think I was visiting alone, though.

I've read that Gray is "related with a transition period. If it's clear, it signifies peace, but if dull signifies fear." Hm. Not sure which category mine fits into. I guess "transition" might correllate with yesterday's entry, where I was "finding direction." An aquarium can mean that you feel your life is going in circles, going nowhere. A house is supposed to represent your soul and self; each room is a different "aspect of your psyche." There are a ton of other possible meanings for a house; I won't get into everything here. Also, standing in a line means you need patience; you're waiting for something.

This is getting deep! Which is, I guess, exactly what I wanted to do. One more day, and then maybe I'll attempt to share any conclusions. Or, if you have any ideas, feel free to play therapist.

* * * * * * * * *

Yesterday I worked out for an hour with Denise. AND I ate a mini whole wheat pita sammie for lunch (rather than a Hot Pocket), and drank 8 glasses of water/skim milk/juice. Later, I discovered the best workout ever -- I said, "Come on, AJ, let's run!" and then he said the same to the dog, and he laughed and laughed while we raced up and down on the "Back 40," this long stretch of grass in the way-back of our yard. It was great because he kept me going. "MO RUN, Mama? Mo run?" So we did that for about ten or fifteen minutes with small breaks in between. It was light jogging, in poor form and on bumpy grass. But it was fun -- he can be my permanent exercise buddy. Every little bit counts! Happy Friday!

Wednesday dreams

Plus! Bullet points!

-- First off, my dreams last night were choppy and annoying because I KEPT waking up uncomfortably, tossing and turning. No idea why, but I had a song in my head from last night's choir practice that WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't even LIKE this song. But WOW, does it like my head. Every time I woke up it was repeating. Anyway, I dreamed that each line in the song was a rock or landmark on this giant 3D map I was looking at. I kept walking around the map -- IN the map, really -- but all there were, were rocks. And lines from the song. Argh. It had me so irritated! Right before I woke up, that nonsense drifted away, thank god, and I was dreaming that I went to the TMBG concert with my friend Cantus, but it was actually U2 performing TMBG. We were in a lobby, sitting around a table waiting for the show to begin, when in walked (the 1979 skinny, short-haired) Bono and started telling us how he first met John and John. I remember I also had a little blue camera and was very intent on not losing it. (But not so much on TAKING A PICTURE WITH BONO, Duh!!) Possible meanings? Well, my book says a map is about finding direction in your life, and that rocks/boulders are about things that are in your way. "Striving for something higher, but it is not going to be easy." And a camera means I need to look at something objectively, through the lens, so to speak. And Freud says it's a phallic symbol. (Welcome, pervy Googlers!)

Also, the non-sleeping was partly due to the fact that I'm STILL not getting my exercise and was likely a direct message from GOD saying, "GIRL! Heart disease and high cholesterol are a lot worse than tossing and turning, so GET ON IT, and now. You will sleep better."

-- Let's talk about sororities. Now, if you grew up in roughly the same time frame I did, I know you're saying to yourself, "Deltadeltadelta can I helpyahelpyahelpya?" from the SNL skit which gave us sorority girls quite the ditzy reputation. Not to mention Animal House. Even without the bad press from TV and movies, many people see the sorority is a very non-inclusive, non-PC, cliquey sort of an organization. And yeah, there are some ugly parts about it, when illegal hazing happens or unnecessary unkindness. HOWEVER, I pledged a sorority when I was a college freshman, and have never been sorry I did. When you get inside them, they're really about Including new people. And welcoming. I made friends then, I've made even better friends SINCE as an alumna, and then just yesterday I found out that one of my very favorite bloggy buddies is also a "sisterinthebonds." I've always wanted this to happen in real life -- I meet a girl I like and find out (by testing her with the secret handshake, of course) that she's a Delta Gamma. But it hasn't ever, IRL. Except that blogging is real. And friendships are real, no matter how you come by them. :) So I am quite excited. Don't get me wrong, I know sororities aren't all iced tea and ponytails. (Or maybe they are, and that's the problem!) I'm even willing to laugh about the stereotype "sorority girl" with whoever wants to. But know this: after we laugh, I'll tell you what I LIKE about being in a sorority (fraternity, if we're getting official), and this is a prime example. :)

-- Last night, I was going to quit the church choir. I WAS. But seeing as how we only have 3 weeks until we break for summer, and seeing as how I'm only scheduled to cantor TWICE the entire summer, I think I can stick it out 'til August, and then quietly, simply not return. Instead of having to break it off unexpectedly here, before it's finished. Rehearsal was even kinda fun. (Dammit.)

-- Someone please tell me again that AJ and his Daddy are going to grow to be friends. Last night's report was that AJ screamed after dinner, through his whole bath, after his bath, and every moment I was at choir. Evidently he didn't specify "No DA-DA," like he sometimes does when I say, "Want to go sit with Daddy?" -- but I still worry. He's very much Mama's boy, and has been since the beginning. Infanthood was hard on DH. It surprised him, that it was as hard as it was. (Colicky baby.) I worry that eventually he'll lose his desire to keep trying with AJ, that he'll just resign himself to the (incorrect) idea that AJ doesn't like him.... and that they'll have a relationship like DH does with his own father. :( It's not a terrible one, they're just not at all close. I'm afraid that someday I'll have to say, "AJ and his dad have had a rocky relationship since the day he was born." What can I do to help them?

Or maybe it's just teething?

Dreaming: Tuesday

Unfortunately I did not recall much of the night's dreaming this morning. I woke with the last image stuck in my head: the computer screen showing our newest web product at work. So that's lovely. I tried to dissolve said image with a hotter-than-usual shower. :)

2nd dream in a row of a COMPUTER SCREEN! Aye-yi-yi. Perhaps I should look out a window once in a while. Work has been quite busy for me lately -- highly unusual -- with more ahead. I don't really know when it will slow down again. It's fine, I'm somewhat glad of it, but I had gotten really used to having a slow workload. I rather liked it. But that life is no longer! I now breathe and apparently sleep, my job!

Cooking up something

I am percolating a little bloggy-fun regarding dreams. I'm a Seer in my other life, did I tell you? Fo realls, yo. Dreams sometimes have meaning, I'm certain of that. In FACT, my great grandmother was known for HER extra-sensory perception, and I believe that her visions, too, were sometimes born of nightly dreams. (Although, for some reason, when I imagine her dispensing mystic advice to her friends, she's sitting up in a bed during the bright part of daytime, with a California breeze blowing her curtains around her. I've never seen an actual photo like this or been told of it, it's just how my brain imagines the scene.) Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to collect my dreams for a week and then see if they all had some collective corollary -- or if they are all just a load of bunk. Which is also very possible.

Play along with me if you like! We'll determine together if you're eating too much spicy food before bed, or if you're just plain crazy. :) Here's my first 2 installments:

Sunday: (1) My coworker W. and his wife and baby were leaving for Slovakia. The wife hails from there, and they just up and decided they were moving. When I asked W, "What are you going to DO there?" meaning work, he said to me, in the dream, "Guess I'll have to learn to speak Czech." Heh. So, Fear of loss perhaps? (2) The oft-noted "Unprepared for a Test" dream. I hate those! Somehow I am supposed to be taking a big old (music? I think?) test, but I have not begun any measure of studying for it. The Encyclopedia of Dreams says "You have lost confidence in your abilities." To do what, I don't know. I'm actually feelin' quite confident these days, as a mom, wife, employee... who knows.

Monday: I actually dreamed I was reading Joshilyn's blog. Shows you how interesting my life isn't! (No offense to Joss, of course.) But there was a purpose to my mind settling on the subject of her blog -- A week ago I submitted a little meager haiku to her recent haiku contest, and... I'd been kinda hoping to win. So in the dream, I did. :) Hee hee. In real life, I did not. It's cool, I'm (sob!) really okay. For my mom's sake -- she always praised my haiku, as was her duty -- my entry went like this:

Shriveled bananas.
Could be reborn as bread, but
I'm out of eggs, too.

Ha ha! Pure genius, right Mom? I thought it really captured the visual imagery of those brown bananas rotting in my kitchen.

Stepping away

I suppose I should tell you alllll about our trip to Asheville, NC, and the 2 days of what-seemed-like major frivoloty that accompanied. I, for one, spent a good deal of time dreaming of what it would've been like as a Rich Friend of the Vanderbilts, back in 1899. (Hint: It would have been KICK-ASS. To be invited to their "winter home"? For, oh, let's say a few weeks? And stay in one of their 35 guest rooms? And ring the bell for a chamber maid to bring breakfast? And do nothing but Be Pretty and tote my parasol around the gardens? Sounds like My Kind Of Nirvana. A'course, I would have been barred from playing billiards with the men, but... meh. Nothing a few hours of uninterupted reading -- and a 6 course dinner -- couldn't cure.)

It was very refreshing to step away from our world and slow things down for a while. We didn't wake up 'til 8:00 or 8:30 am. We only had to dress OURSELVES. We drank beer one night, and wine the next. We dined at a restaurant with actual cloth napkins. We wandered around downtown with no agenda. On second thought really... the weekend WAS my Nirvana. 'Cause contrary to 1899, WE have air conditioning and ladies get to wear shorts and a t-shirt.

Edited to add: (I can't believe I forgot to say this but it must be a good sign) I *did* miss AJ a teensy bit. :)