1. Kate being so proud of her school pictures, which arrived yesterday. They do look pretty. I think she mostly loves the special background that I (finally, begrudgingly) let her choose. She wants one to frame and put in her own room, tee hee! But the one I have here on my desk is making me smile. (Alex's, too - his first with braces. He didn't grimace or try to hide them, and he looks great. His neck and shoulders, somehow, look teenager-y!! ) These. kids. are. getting. so. grown. UP.
2. I smile and shake my head at every political Facebook post I see. Let it be over soon, please, God. Some of my friends have surprised me.
3. When I realized today is my Friday (tomorrow's a school holiday, for P-T Conferences, so I took the day off)... and when I realized that terrible traffic this morning delayed my arrival at work, and thus shortened my "Friday" even further. Thank you, traffic!
4. Cucumbers on my pumpernickel-turkey sandwich today. YUM. Ever since Germany I've been a little obsessed with cucumbers. I eat them for breakfast with a piece of rye toast sometimes.
5. Some of the German execs are here this week, but since I've had to move my desk to another part of the office, I don't ever see them. Yesterday they were having a big conversation about digital marketing/e-commerce, and I stayed quietly over here NOT participating in that bullcrap. HA!
6. I was asked to lead a Skype meeting (nothing difficult, just with my own team), and they were more complimentary than strictly necessary about how it went. :) Made me feel good.
7. Okay, so, here's the long one. Of course I'm drawn to, and see in my News feed (because I always click them) every blog or book or speaker that talks about positivity and "how to be happy." Right? I mean, that's why the genre has taken off, because we're all such suckers and want to KNOW the answers to those big questions. So yesterday, I checked out Jonathan Fields' Good Life Project. I downloaded the free first chapter of his book, and was going along nicely, agreeing with all of his ideas.... but when it came time for him to outline the Project, I started feeling overwhelmed and annoyed. All the books make it seem like you have to quit your job, find or create your DREAM WORK, write a book, or go off to the mission field in a foreign country, to truly be passionate and happy. Some big goal. And do you know what I realized? I've reached a point where I don't feel like I NEED a project or goal. I have done my own work, and reached my conclusion (for now). I am happy. Yes, I have my grumpy-pants days. In fact, I started 2 different blog posts this week, wanting to say something but not really knowing what, and in both of them I had complaints. About being busy, about things that make Mondays less than awesome... Overall, though, things are so good.
My routine that seems to help:
- Walking. Still trying for "more days than not," and still only aiming for 15 minutes a day. It's fine. Any longer and I get bored. It feels good to say I'm doing it regularly. I'm going to use a gift card this weekend to buy new shoes.
- When I get to the office, even if it's past 7:30, which it usually is, I've been allowing myself 10 minutes in the car for meditation. I use the free recordings on the Happier app, mostly. Or sometimes if I've not gotten good sleep, I just set the timer and snooze. I don't feel guilt about being "late." No one even knows or cares. (If they did notice and fired me for it, so much the better. Not liking my job is a blessing/freedom, here!) But the meditation itself is nice, if sometimes a little hokey.
- Honestly the biggest thing I've realized over the past 6 or 8 months is that the day is MINE to live out. Even though I work for a company, the company doesn't get to determine how I feel, or what kind of day I have. It's MY day. So if that means I need to take care of home stuff "on the clock," so be it. No guilt. And if I need to take a break, I take a break. I still produce; I still work. I don't feel bound to think solely about my job for 8 hours straight, though. (I wonder if the departure of MM has alleviated a lot of pain of my job, too. Probably.)
- I think I've come to finally know that the reason I'm here, at THIS company, is that it's close to school. That's all. It was, of course, a good opportunity for me to use my skills, when presented to me in 2009, but the main plan for me and this job is that I'm close. I'm able to go there during the day if needed. Maybe, when Kate graduates in 5.5 years, some other job, the wonderful job I look for all the time, will present itself. But for now, this one's where I'm meant to be, for a REASON.
- I live for 4:30, and that's when the good stuff of my day starts. :) I like to remind myself of that.
- I've let go of a lot of my hangups with Kate's behavior, and lo and behold -- or at the same time -- she's been so much better, so much more willing to compromise and cooperate. I've had to release a lot of feelings about obedience. I had to unlearn a lot. And learn a lot, like how to speak calmly but firmly. I'm still a huge work in progress and maybe I just jinxed it by typing it here (every. time.), but we're arguing so much less. Part of the tactic is to spend more time together, really focused time, so the kid wants to please you. I've been trying to do that. Our busy schedule has actually helped; on Tuesdays we're forced together. No time to drive home before basketball, so I don't cook; instead we just sit and eat fast food and talk and look into each others' eyes. And take selfies. I try to avoid using the phone other than selfies.
- Last weekend I got a little bummed because we didn't really rest. And most weekends, we don't, much. It's laundry and groceries and choir and yardwork for Shawn, and cleaning house, and kid activities, and it's tiring. But I do try to have my morning coffee, outside if possible, and just breathe. Just sit.
- Gratitude in as many instances as I can. I can find three things, even tiny things, every day, to be grateful for. My journals are a lifeline.
This is working for me. This has been my project.
Thursday, October 27
Monday, October 17
Positively
I have succeeded in making Diet Coke a physical no-no for myself. Months of not drinking it (unsweet iced tea, please) have resulted in DISCOMFORT when I do pour a glass, which I did yesterday afternoon. I won't be doing that again any time soon. Ugh. I'm pleased, though. It's good to know your body, and to have an excuse to avoid it: that stuff's no good for anyone, anyway.
Our weekend was really nice, despite needing to clean the house top to bottom. We did it, and it's SO clean now, which makes me happier than I realized. Hard work, but worth it. ALSO: We watched a movie Saturday night, with the kids: The Heart of the Sea. I've been s-l-o-w-l-y working through Moby Dick over the past year, after loving the book Ahab's Wife so much, several years prior. I feel like I've had an entire literature course on whaling and Moby Dick, actually. And I LOVE that. I really enjoyed the movie - it brought everything full circle and I loved how it brought Herman Melville's story into it.
The week ahead promises to be FULL and satisfying (provided our attitudes stay bright!) -- lots of extra things to keep it interesting. Like today, the most interesting thing for Kate was the $20 bill I gave her, for the Book Fair. Can you believe she had the gall to say, "It's not enough for all the books I want!"?! Haha! I told her it was all I was willing to give her, and the best part is, she didn't argue about it... I even used "money doesn't grow on trees" for some classic-parenting-wisdom effect. ;) I mean, I'm all for buying books, but I also had to tell her not to spend it on the extra crap they sell, like keychains and erasers. Twenty bucks is plenty. (Dinner menu plan: Grilled chicken, rice and brocoli)
Tuesday, both kids have field trips - how handy is that? No one can say, "Unfair!" Alex's class is visiting a local radio station, and Kate's going to a museum. Then Tuesday night is basketball/gymnastics, which has quickly become one of our favorite nights. Partly because fast-food, and mostly because of the activities themselves. (And some because she'll fall asleep in 5 minutes flat.)
Wednesday, Alex will have a piano lesson -- the follow-up to his SUPERIOR+ rating at the Cobb County Music Teachers' Association Solo Festival this past Saturday! As a former piano student, this was a THRILL for me, to listen to him working on the two pieces all week (and even, heartbreakingly, the morning of, listening to him mad at himself when he kept making errors in the rehearsal), to share the butterflies with him while we waited for his turn, and then to see him come out of the judging room, all smiles, knowing he'd done well. The teacher texted us his results about 15 minutes later. I loved the whole experience and can't wait to see his judging sheet with comments! I promise to file it away safely, Mom, per tradition. :) (Sloppy Joes and chips)
Thursday is typically my choir rehearsal night, but... I think I'm not going. We have a substitute director who's nice, but... not overly inspiring. In fact, she can be a little insulting toward our soprano section, or at least that's how I'm feeling. Anyway, the song planned for next Sunday is one of my least favorites, so I think I'm going to skip it and not feel bad. Thursday night will be FREEEEEEE (for homework help and showers management and dinner -- Chicken tenders, homemade mac and cheese).
And Friday, my thing to look forward to is a half day of work and the first Middle School Dance of the year! Committee-chairs, activate! First I have to go to Costco, then we'll pass out pizza and hide in the kitchen to watch/not-watch our 7th graders be pre-teens in a social situation. Eeee! (probably leftover pizza).
I wonder if I'm feeling so positive this morning because of my morning workout? I re-started that plan today after a week+ off. I didn't intend to take a week off, it just happened. But I'm back to it, and enjoyed it this morning. The moon was HUGE and bright (yes, I walk before the sun comes up), and the air was cool. Trying to add a little strength work every other day this week -- we'll see how that goes. I wrote an article about menopause last week, as it happens, and strength work before menopause is important, to protect the bones!
Work's not been SO terrible lately, either; a few things to keep me busy, not enough to overwhelm (or else I don't care enough to get overwhelmed). That's nice.
Speaking of work...
Our weekend was really nice, despite needing to clean the house top to bottom. We did it, and it's SO clean now, which makes me happier than I realized. Hard work, but worth it. ALSO: We watched a movie Saturday night, with the kids: The Heart of the Sea. I've been s-l-o-w-l-y working through Moby Dick over the past year, after loving the book Ahab's Wife so much, several years prior. I feel like I've had an entire literature course on whaling and Moby Dick, actually. And I LOVE that. I really enjoyed the movie - it brought everything full circle and I loved how it brought Herman Melville's story into it.
The week ahead promises to be FULL and satisfying (provided our attitudes stay bright!) -- lots of extra things to keep it interesting. Like today, the most interesting thing for Kate was the $20 bill I gave her, for the Book Fair. Can you believe she had the gall to say, "It's not enough for all the books I want!"?! Haha! I told her it was all I was willing to give her, and the best part is, she didn't argue about it... I even used "money doesn't grow on trees" for some classic-parenting-wisdom effect. ;) I mean, I'm all for buying books, but I also had to tell her not to spend it on the extra crap they sell, like keychains and erasers. Twenty bucks is plenty. (Dinner menu plan: Grilled chicken, rice and brocoli)
Tuesday, both kids have field trips - how handy is that? No one can say, "Unfair!" Alex's class is visiting a local radio station, and Kate's going to a museum. Then Tuesday night is basketball/gymnastics, which has quickly become one of our favorite nights. Partly because fast-food, and mostly because of the activities themselves. (And some because she'll fall asleep in 5 minutes flat.)
Wednesday, Alex will have a piano lesson -- the follow-up to his SUPERIOR+ rating at the Cobb County Music Teachers' Association Solo Festival this past Saturday! As a former piano student, this was a THRILL for me, to listen to him working on the two pieces all week (and even, heartbreakingly, the morning of, listening to him mad at himself when he kept making errors in the rehearsal), to share the butterflies with him while we waited for his turn, and then to see him come out of the judging room, all smiles, knowing he'd done well. The teacher texted us his results about 15 minutes later. I loved the whole experience and can't wait to see his judging sheet with comments! I promise to file it away safely, Mom, per tradition. :) (Sloppy Joes and chips)
Thursday is typically my choir rehearsal night, but... I think I'm not going. We have a substitute director who's nice, but... not overly inspiring. In fact, she can be a little insulting toward our soprano section, or at least that's how I'm feeling. Anyway, the song planned for next Sunday is one of my least favorites, so I think I'm going to skip it and not feel bad. Thursday night will be FREEEEEEE (for homework help and showers management and dinner -- Chicken tenders, homemade mac and cheese).
And Friday, my thing to look forward to is a half day of work and the first Middle School Dance of the year! Committee-chairs, activate! First I have to go to Costco, then we'll pass out pizza and hide in the kitchen to watch/not-watch our 7th graders be pre-teens in a social situation. Eeee! (probably leftover pizza).
I wonder if I'm feeling so positive this morning because of my morning workout? I re-started that plan today after a week+ off. I didn't intend to take a week off, it just happened. But I'm back to it, and enjoyed it this morning. The moon was HUGE and bright (yes, I walk before the sun comes up), and the air was cool. Trying to add a little strength work every other day this week -- we'll see how that goes. I wrote an article about menopause last week, as it happens, and strength work before menopause is important, to protect the bones!
Work's not been SO terrible lately, either; a few things to keep me busy, not enough to overwhelm (or else I don't care enough to get overwhelmed). That's nice.
Speaking of work...
Thursday, October 13
Mid-October, are you serious?
ZOOM! go the days! Especially this past weekend:
Hurricane Matthew forced Shane and Suzanna and their girls up here on Thursday last week, and they stayed through Tuesday -- with week-old baby Alexis (7 days old and she took her first road trip)!! Suzanna is my hero, really, on that score. I distinctly recall NOT being interested in getting off my couch when my babies were that small. I can't fathom traveling. No way. We were all worn out (them too) by the time they went home. But it WAS an excuse to have them visit -- we NEVER get family-time with them. Usually just an afternoon here or there during holiday stays at Susan's. So this was nice, even though WE had to continue to go to work and school while they were having "vacation" days. No fair.
But now it's back to normal and whaaaaa! Where did September go (and August, for that matter)? How is it mid-October already? The end of the kids' first quarter today. School pictures have been taken! Magazine drive is over! Halloween decorations are up!
Third-grade basketball has begun and Kate looooooooves it. I do, too, except sitting on metal bleachers after a day at the office. Ouch. She's learning a lot already. I'm bummed that Alexis' christening is scheduled on the weekend of her first game... she'll have to miss the game, I guess. ARGH. Why can't all the calendars line up neatly for me?! Maybe something unexpected will happen and fix it. Fingers crossed.
Meanwhile, I think I'm quitting Facebook until the 2016 presidential election is over. I don't believe I can take any more "politics."
Hurricane Matthew forced Shane and Suzanna and their girls up here on Thursday last week, and they stayed through Tuesday -- with week-old baby Alexis (7 days old and she took her first road trip)!! Suzanna is my hero, really, on that score. I distinctly recall NOT being interested in getting off my couch when my babies were that small. I can't fathom traveling. No way. We were all worn out (them too) by the time they went home. But it WAS an excuse to have them visit -- we NEVER get family-time with them. Usually just an afternoon here or there during holiday stays at Susan's. So this was nice, even though WE had to continue to go to work and school while they were having "vacation" days. No fair.
But now it's back to normal and whaaaaa! Where did September go (and August, for that matter)? How is it mid-October already? The end of the kids' first quarter today. School pictures have been taken! Magazine drive is over! Halloween decorations are up!
Third-grade basketball has begun and Kate looooooooves it. I do, too, except sitting on metal bleachers after a day at the office. Ouch. She's learning a lot already. I'm bummed that Alexis' christening is scheduled on the weekend of her first game... she'll have to miss the game, I guess. ARGH. Why can't all the calendars line up neatly for me?! Maybe something unexpected will happen and fix it. Fingers crossed.
Meanwhile, I think I'm quitting Facebook until the 2016 presidential election is over. I don't believe I can take any more "politics."
Monday, October 3
Party 3 of 3 in a row
I'm thinking of these Monday-morning blog posts like gas-pedal-pumping on an older car — a necessary step to get her going.
Despite having a new, clean desk/cubicle, work's all the same, same, same. Yesterday I was thinking, do all marketers just eventually run out of ideas? Can I use that logic to switch careers and become something else entirely, please? I have run out. All the marketing speakers and thought-leaders are saying now, to copy the work of others. They mean for you to use your own photos/taglines/etc., but do just go ahead and use other peoples' ideas. It's okay now. See something that works, online? Do the same thing. Nothing new under the sun, why bother even trying?
- - - - - - -
Over the weekend, on Saturday night, I hosted the 3rd party of three that were planned for this fall: Moms' Night In. Out, really, because we sat outside on the back porch in pretty, pretty weather, finally!, at the patio table with umbrella that Shawn bought me (us), that I love. I went out Saturday morning to buy some red mums and 2 little succulents plants, to spruce up the very utilitarian metal shelf we have out there. It helped 100%, along with a pretty candle lantern from Pier 1 on the table. (And yes, I will do my best to take care of the plants, Darling Husband. They'll probably have to move where they can feel the sun for best results, but see? I've already looked up "how to care for fall mums.")
Everyone I invited came to the party, and they all brought fun party foods and wine. Lots of different dips and crackers and even goat cheeses (YUM), salads and several pumpkin-y treats since IT'S OCTOBER! (what?!). Conversation was lively, of course, including gossip about who may be pregnant again, and teasing the PTO president about which snot-nosed punk might have pulled the fire alarm two weeks ago (she wouldn't budge). I thoroughly enjoyed it all, from the prep (lighting candles, listening to my Bruce Hornsby Pandora station) to the clean-up — no, really! — and am, again, grateful to Shawn and the kids who let me kick them out of the house for a while. I hope I was fully present to my friends. It all feels like kind-of a blur, now, but I think I had a great time. And no, I only had 2 glasses of wine, so it's not that -- it's just, various hostess duties kept me from sitting in any one place too long, I think, so I never quite relaxed. But I did laugh a lot, and I feel so comfortable with all those ladies, and I think they appreciated the time together — it had been a while. All good.
I think I'm all filled up on hostessing for now. Well, except we did talk about inviting Andy and Pam over for Sunday football watching one day soon. We totally should. ;)
- - - - - - -
This week for dinner:
Sunday: Crock pot BBQ meatballs, egg noodles, and green beans/potatoes in sauce (from the frozen aisle, and were a disappointment)
Monday: Spaghetti w/meat sauce, garlic toast and a Caesar salad
Tuesday: Chick Fil A or Zaxby's or Jimmy John's, because it's Kate's first basketball practice at 6pm and then gymnastics at 7:30, and HOW are we going to add something to the schedule?! By eating fast food.
Wednesday: Hate to tell you this, honey, but it's going to be ham steaks. The kids eat it and we haven't had it in a long time. With corn and mashed potatoes. And you're cooking. ;) Love ya, mean it.
Thursday: Pizza bake. Fruit salad. Carrrrrrbs.
Friday: I get a half-day off, so I can cook something delicious with chicken thighs, I hope. No... wait, just remembered, there's a party at school that night to celebrate the Blue Ribbon School of Excellence Award. Woo hoo! Kitchen is closed Friday night!
Despite having a new, clean desk/cubicle, work's all the same, same, same. Yesterday I was thinking, do all marketers just eventually run out of ideas? Can I use that logic to switch careers and become something else entirely, please? I have run out. All the marketing speakers and thought-leaders are saying now, to copy the work of others. They mean for you to use your own photos/taglines/etc., but do just go ahead and use other peoples' ideas. It's okay now. See something that works, online? Do the same thing. Nothing new under the sun, why bother even trying?
- - - - - - -
Over the weekend, on Saturday night, I hosted the 3rd party of three that were planned for this fall: Moms' Night In. Out, really, because we sat outside on the back porch in pretty, pretty weather, finally!, at the patio table with umbrella that Shawn bought me (us), that I love. I went out Saturday morning to buy some red mums and 2 little succulents plants, to spruce up the very utilitarian metal shelf we have out there. It helped 100%, along with a pretty candle lantern from Pier 1 on the table. (And yes, I will do my best to take care of the plants, Darling Husband. They'll probably have to move where they can feel the sun for best results, but see? I've already looked up "how to care for fall mums.")
Everyone I invited came to the party, and they all brought fun party foods and wine. Lots of different dips and crackers and even goat cheeses (YUM), salads and several pumpkin-y treats since IT'S OCTOBER! (what?!). Conversation was lively, of course, including gossip about who may be pregnant again, and teasing the PTO president about which snot-nosed punk might have pulled the fire alarm two weeks ago (she wouldn't budge). I thoroughly enjoyed it all, from the prep (lighting candles, listening to my Bruce Hornsby Pandora station) to the clean-up — no, really! — and am, again, grateful to Shawn and the kids who let me kick them out of the house for a while. I hope I was fully present to my friends. It all feels like kind-of a blur, now, but I think I had a great time. And no, I only had 2 glasses of wine, so it's not that -- it's just, various hostess duties kept me from sitting in any one place too long, I think, so I never quite relaxed. But I did laugh a lot, and I feel so comfortable with all those ladies, and I think they appreciated the time together — it had been a while. All good.
I think I'm all filled up on hostessing for now. Well, except we did talk about inviting Andy and Pam over for Sunday football watching one day soon. We totally should. ;)
- - - - - - -
This week for dinner:
Sunday: Crock pot BBQ meatballs, egg noodles, and green beans/potatoes in sauce (from the frozen aisle, and were a disappointment)
Monday: Spaghetti w/meat sauce, garlic toast and a Caesar salad
Tuesday: Chick Fil A or Zaxby's or Jimmy John's, because it's Kate's first basketball practice at 6pm and then gymnastics at 7:30, and HOW are we going to add something to the schedule?! By eating fast food.
Wednesday: Hate to tell you this, honey, but it's going to be ham steaks. The kids eat it and we haven't had it in a long time. With corn and mashed potatoes. And you're cooking. ;) Love ya, mean it.
Thursday: Pizza bake. Fruit salad. Carrrrrrbs.
Friday: I get a half-day off, so I can cook something delicious with chicken thighs, I hope. No... wait, just remembered, there's a party at school that night to celebrate the Blue Ribbon School of Excellence Award. Woo hoo! Kitchen is closed Friday night!
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