Nothing Changes, Summer edition

I had a realization in 2023 that it was the last summer I needed to worry or feel guilty about not being around for lazy days, for ice cream runs, for swimming pools, for driving kids to and from activities. THIS summer, 2024, both kids can drive themselves! My motherhood-long problem with summer is finally solved! 

Except... not fully.

Alex is home from UGA, and so far, does not have a summer job. He has applied at a few little places. He has not done much follow-up. And so, he's been home a fair amount. Last week/weekend, both his girlfriend and his best friend were out of town. He was bored and a bit restless, although he did go to the gym a few times, and read a book or two.

But I felt GUILTY on the days that I had to come to my office and leave him at home with the cats.  

Is it my fault that he doesn't have a job? No. Is it my job to entertain him, a nearly-20-year-old? Also no. Do I feel bad about it anyway? Of course I do. I imagine him feeling abandoned, like, "I come home and they just keep going on with their lives, like I don't even matter anymore." Which, I know, is melodramatic and verrrrry far-fetched.

Kate has a lot of friends nearby with pools from which to choose, and a car to drive herself there, and yet I still feel like I "SHOULD" take days off and go shopping with her/them (with Alex too, for that matter; he especially needs new clothes), or, that I'd be a better mom if we could lay by the pool together, sipping from our insulated cups. This is patently ridiculous - we shop enough, lord knows, online. And any teen could confirm, she wouldn't really want me at the pool with her and her friends (the horror)! But I still feel that WISH for things to be different than they are. Why?! Is it because so many of my mom-friends seem to be teachers, or run their own businesses and thus, can have pool days whenever they want? Is it just my innate laziness, wishing to be a lady of leisure? Don't we all? I wish I knew, or more precisely, I wish I could make those desires go away and just accept How It IS. 

Anyway: I still hate summer, although thankfully the super-hot temperatures that contribute to my negative feelings about the season have not quite yet arrived.

I don't want to end on that, however. We're dropping Kate off at camp this weekend, so I know she'll be having fun for the next 2 weeks -- though this year, as a 16-year-old, I think she'll miss home (her friends) moreso than any other year. And we're celebrating my birthday next week -- my BIG birthday! I'm doing a lot of introspective things lately, feeling good and at peace about the milestone of 50. I'm hopeful and trusting that 50 is going to be a good year. 

I'm grateful, grateful, grateful, and my birthday is also part of summer, so I should focus on that instead. :) 

Friday Procrastinating

Update: the Orlando trip went well! We made it, found our hotel, found the convention center, and all was fine. My organization skills weren't even necessary - is that the lesson?? 

---------

I went to a department store yesterday afternoon, because I needed a dress or outfit to attend a breast cancer-related gala this weekend, for work. Sadly, it's for work and there was only one ticket, so my plus-one isn't invited. Happily, though, I found something to wear. 

Being at that store, though, was so weird. Department stores have tried to evolve with the times, I guess, but haven't really succeeded. They're such a throwback to the '80s! And I don't know how they remain at all solvent, with alllll that inventory. I've learned in my job that product on the floor, or in the warehouse in our case, is like bags of money just sitting there, where a few dollars escape from the bag every day. I guess that's why many of them have NOT remained solvent. 

Pricing was hilarious. "Original prices" of $85 or $100 -- but the whole store was "up to 65% off!" I got a skirt for around $12.00. Do they make any money? (And then, my eco-consciousness kicks in, and what happens to the stuff they can't sell?)

I also noticed how I was drawn to so many styles that my younger self would have considered especially "old-lady!" Haha! The flowy organza shrug over a tank top. The sequin-accented collars and shoulders (what?!). The PANTS. I mean, yes, my calves still look pretty good as I near fifty, but I am actually considering wearing black pants to this gala -- I figure if I have pretty shoes, that cancels out the pants. LOL the justification. 

Also of note, I haven't bought much new for spring/summer, and I am, in fact, going somewhere for Spring Break, in just a few weeks. Kate and her friends convinced me and 2 other moms to chaperone a girls' beach trip to 30A. We may regret it. But until the regret, I'm trying to anticipate some enjoyment; hoping we moms get to sit on our beach chairs and read, and drink a little, without having to manage the "kids," who are admittedly old enough to care for themselves, if still a bit precarious with things like safety and decorum. We'll see. But I don't think I have the right things to wear! All my shorts are wrinkled from not being pulled out of drawers yet this year, and besides that, they're boring and several years old. I saw, last night, kelly green shorts and capris -- so spring! so bright! I saw some ruffled-sleeve tank tops that were so cute. One in stark white that I'm not brave enough to wear until I use some self-tanning lotion. But white seems so trendy. I saw a few cute pairs of sandals; my sandals are orthopedic, lol. They're blue, but I wouldn't call them cute. 

Maybe this shopping trip was what we'd call an exercise in humility. Made me want to buy a few more things, though. At least I have some swimsuits (bought last summer). 

---------

It is raining cats and dogs at the moment! Alex is driving home within the next few hours, for another weekend visit. Yay! but not yay, in the rain, you know? I'll never get over being nervous with a kid driving in bad weather.

Monday morning mood

I'm not really in a "mood," but it is Monday morning. Mondays, it's so hard for me to get going; I'm not one of those, "let's attack the week!" types, lol. If you are, I probably don't like you. No, for me, it's a planning day of the week, not really a DOING day. (Also, I think there should be a BAN on weekend emails -- nothing new should be waiting for me when I first login. I'm still trying to remember what happened LAST week, and probably catch up to it.) 

Anyway, here I am: I've put my top tasks at the top of this week's planner page, and I'm sure half of those will be overtaken by whatever new Most Important Things are handed to me from other people throughout the day/week, sigh. No respect. At least I'm working from home today.

One fun thing on my calendar is New Kitchen Appliances. We bought them yesterday -- fridge, range, microwave, and dishwasher! Three of the four of those actually NEED replacing. Mostly the range -- the door and its handle are falling off, causing the glass-front to also fall off periodically. Usually while I'm cooking inside it. And it's not really something that can be repaired, it's plastic bits that have decayed and can't hold anymore. I mean, we've tried to repair it -- Shawn got washers and screws and has made it better, along with duct tape -- yes, I have duct tape keeping my stove together. So that is the impetus for the whole thing. Our fridge, too, has issues. The icemaker no longer works (first-world problem, we're using ice trays, the horror), and the motor makes a loud ticking noise sometimes if you open or close the doors. We have to shake or hit it to get it to stop. The dishwasher has done nothing wrong, it's just loud as all heck. Our microwave works perfectly, but it wouldn't match if we replaced the range, so... there you have it. BestBuy was selling them in bundles, so we bought the whole kit and kaboodle. I'm really excited. 

The NEW fridge has French doors, a bottom freezer drawer (swoon) and a special "Beverage Center," -- no, even more special than you're thinking - it's this one if you're curious. The oven will have both convection and AirFry options (how that works, I have no idea). The dishwasher is only 42 decibels and will once again have a "Delay Start" (our old house had an old, off-white (ew) dishwasher, but at least it offered that useful feature)! Delivery date for all four is August 5. We'll have to eat up everything in the old fridge/freezer before that date -- perhaps this means I won't go to the grocery store next weekend at all! We'll see. 

I can't believe summer is nearly over. Kate has one week left, and has already started some of her school volleyball season. In fact, HHS hosted a small tournament this past weekend, so we were there Thursday & Friday nights and all day Saturday. We met most of the other parents -- "our people" now, I guess -- and liked them quite a lot. Guess we'll be sitting in the stands with them, carpooling, and working in concessions. It's exciting to see your kid doing her thing, in an official uniform with her last name on it like some kind of superstar! (Oh, and she made a club volleyball team earlier in the month, in case you were wondering. It's going to involve slightly more travel than the last 2 years, and slightly more $, but hopefully we can manage it.)

Alex still has a week or two at home, but I'm trying to mentally prepare for him being gone again. :( I have a feeling we will see him less this fall than last, because he's been added to the travel marching band, so he'll be attending most of the Away games as well as the Home games (of the National Champions, I might add, Go Dawgs). He's going to be busy!

So life rolls along. This morning was nice and cool on the porch -- a relief, after a typical mid-July stretch where it's been much too hot to be outdoors, even at 7 am. I try to take care of myself with coffee and a 10-minute Calm.com meditation on the porch, as many days as possible. Even when I'm going to the office. 

And I'm trying to be open, to listen, to watch, for signs that will show me what's next for me with my job, if anything. I want a really clear sign. Like, hit me over the head clear. You might argue that I've already gotten it, what with all the poor treatment of me over the last 6 months. Each time, though, I've felt like I have to "wait out" whatever drama occurs -- Shan being fired, then my boss resigning, and now the new boss being hired. That was in May. He gave me a small raise so I feel a little bit beholden to him in gratitude, and I know he has discovered a lot of other problems he needs to fix. If I left now I'd definitely add to his burden. I also don't know where I'd go or what I'd do, yet. So that's the sign I'm looking for. Trying to be patient is difficult; I'd really love to rip the band-aid off and just hightail it out! I could hang out with my new appliances, making amazing dinners and desserts for my family, haha! But you know that's not me. I hope I'll know exactly when is the right time, and where I'm headed. 

Whoops, skipped June altogether

A meeting got cancelled just now so: found time! 

How've you been, blog friends? I am hanging in there. I've decided: I spent the first 6 months of the year grieving and railing against my new normal at work, but I want to be done with that mindset. I'm trying, as July begins, to move more lightly through it. It's JUST WORK, for gosh sakes, and it isn't brain surgery. I am doing my best. I am doing fine.

The new boss is working out okay so far. He seems to see the situation clearly. He did give me the small raise I should have gotten in January, and has promised to hire me half an assistant. (I'll have to share her, but I'm okay with that.) It might be an interesting new challenge to have a young person as a Direct Report. I assume she'll be young. It's weird, approaching the age of fifty and knowing that more than half of the work force is younger than you. But anyway, lightness and capability. I can do it, I am doing it. 

If I start regular exercise/walks again next week -- this week has been too hectic -- that will also help. I get really bummed out, and depressed, and downright hateful about work, when I don't workout. So the only way to continue managing this job with lightness and capability, until I can leave it, is to MANAGE the mental health. So say we all.

Meanwhile, home is in summer mode. I realized this week that it's my last year where summer will be harder than the schoolyear -- next summer, if all goes well, Kate will be driving. It will leave me free to go to the office without worrying that I need to take her somewhere or pick her up. YIKES. That is a gut-punch, as well as a huge relief. The very definition of "days are long, years are short." 

We had our family beach week in June (lovely long days in the hot sun and cool water); we repeated our July 4th from last year at Alex's girlfriend's neighborhood, with her parents; and tomorrow little AJ from blog-days of yore will turn 19! We have a lot to do in the next few weeks to get him ready to move to his first off-campus apartment in Athens. He doesn't yet have a bed, eek. I am counting on Amazon and Ikea to help us quickly resolve those issues. It's been so nice having him here this summer. 

Big deal today is club volleyball tryouts. Club season doesn't start until October, but tryouts for every club in town are this weekend. We're trying a new team this year, which makes us both, Kate and me, nervous as all get-out. Butterflies in the tummy, both for the new place as well as feeling weird/bad about leaving the old one. But we'll see what happens. Good vibes and prayers for Kate are appreciated! 

Stretchy, and Plowing through Summer

The next few paragraphs might sound like I'm grumbling, but I really feel good about this situation, like I'm in control of it and things are bound to get better if I just put in the work.

---------

In an attempt to relieve all the lower back pain I've been having -- A LOT, more intense at the time of the month, but nearly always, even without that -- I've been stretching my hamstrings. Morning and evening, those "reclined 4" stretches where you lay flat, cross one ankle over the other bent knee, then pull up both legs toward your chest. And then also just straight-leg-into-the-sky stretches, focused on elongating the hamstring. Ooof. It hurts so good. I was hopeful that 7 days, twice a day, 4x each side and each exercise, would start to make a difference in my back... but today is the 7th day, and as of yet, no dice. I will keep going. 

I also bought a seat cushion made of gel and ergonomically constructed. It's much more comfy than the hard kitchen chair, that's for sure. But it also causes my feet to no longer touch the floor and I know that to be the most correct posture, ergonomically. I am determined to figure this out. 

People always say core, core, core to support and protect the lower back. I am not doing sit-ups, no matter what. I will do planks and standing-abs work and maybe a few Pilates-like moves, but I don't like it, Sam I Am. So here's hoping the stretching helps after 14 days. (I have also considered trying a Pilates studio, but that's only IF the rest of this stuff doesn't help at all.)

As long as I'm updating the "health" category, I went to the doctor yesterday and my cholesterol is still good. Thank you, Lipitor. 

Oh, another thing I bought that may be silly, but I couldn't resist: this foot-roller contraption. I haven't been as diligent about using it as doing the back stretches. Still waiting for it to be a miracle cure for the pain I feel in my heels every morning. 

Don't you just love when old people talk about nothing but their aches and pains?! 

-----------

We returned from a little Orientation jaunt to the Univ. of GA. What fun! Shawn and I were like two kids in a candy store, and Alex very generously let us talk to him, when he was with us. Everything was so well planned! The amenities are so great! (And people wonder why the cost of college has gone up so much.) The school did a good job of dividing the time evenly, letting the kids be with other kids and leave us old people to our own devices (i.e., lectures from administrators). He slept in the dorm while we stayed in a hotel. He had fun things to do at night while we went to dinner and then watched a documentary in the hotel room. He met with his advisor and then registered for his first semester WITHOUT MY HELP at all! Imagine. 

I know he is ready and now even more excited to start, and it's a good thing because the days left of summer are very few! In fact, Kate only has 2 weeks until her first day of school. This is our plight in the modern South - for some reason, we end school ever earlier in May and start near July when our air conditioners have barely cooled off the classrooms - it doesn't make sense. 

But much of the weather doesn't make sense any more, does it?! We've had the rainiest summer I can remember. HOT, yes, like most of the country -- stupid hot. But also, so rainy. Nearly every day in July, I think, there has been rain. (Except the 2 days we were walking around in Athens, thank heavens.) Usually it includes thunder and lightning. I mean, I love a rainy day and it's generally good for my garden! But the tomatoes are a little overwatered at this point, and I'm not sure what to do about that.

Kate has two new books, which she asked for, so I hope she will be able to keep herself entertained today while I proofread a training manual for work. It's still hard, managing summer entertainment when you have to have a job -- but definitely easier than when they were younger. Yesterday, for instance, Alex and his girlfriend took Kate swimming at the girlfriend's pool. So nice of them. Last week, she did a one-day volleyball camp. I need to see if she can invite a friend over one day next week, to break up the monotony of the days. Maybe I can drop them at the mall for a while (although it's scary to think how many malls have been in the news lately, gah). Maybe not.

Today I've got red beans in the crockpot for our dinner. I'm not sure it's very summery, as far as meals go, but I didn't have to turn on the oven so it's a win. 

Friday Five: Health, books, friends, and (2) kids

1. Health update: I finally got a negative Covid test this past Tuesday, thank goodness! Took forever... and I punished myself, I guess, by continuing to test so many times, hoping. But anyway, I'm so glad that's over. I still feel some lingering effects, like a persistent need to clear my throat a little, and by the end of the day, I get a little stuffy nose. For those general two weeks, I was having to allow myself some afternoon naps -- I got so tired! Made me even more grateful for WFH, not that they would have allowed me to the office with Covid. Both the nose thing and the fatigue seem to be getting better now. (I would still like to allow myself naps, however!) I never lost taste/smell, thank the heavens above.

2. I got new books! One afternoon last week, while both kids were at a graduation party from 2 until 8, I took my solo trip to Barnes & Noble. It was so fun. I came back with a copy of The Borgia Confessions, which I hope will be good. It's been a good while since I've read a 15th-century Catholic-church-scandal-drama, lol. From now until the beach trip, I downloaded from the e-library an Emma Donohue novel, The Pull of the Stars, set during the time of the 1918 flu epidemic. Appropriate! So far I love it.

3. For my birthday we had a double-date! We never do a ton of double-date-nights with friends, well... because we don't feel like we HAVE that many couple-friends, really. Or schedules don't line up. (People who have kids, y'know?) But for my birthday, I decided that's what I wanted to do. We made plans with Allegra, my best band-mom buddy, and her husband, and had a lovely, lovely time! A couple of peach bellinis helped, to be sure, but even without those I think we would have enjoyed it. (I only felt slightly bad that I chose to go out without the kids for my birthday. Then I stopped that thought; sometimes you have to allow yourself a wish granted. I deserved it.) Last night, we met up with the family of Alex's future UGA roommate for pizza. It was also fun, and they said they'd like to get together a few more times before the boys head to school. A little as if they're interviewing us repeatedly, Shawn pointed out, but I still want to. ;) So yay!

4. Alex is enjoying some downtime after a very full, very non-stop senior year. I'm glad for him. He deserves to rest and relax; he's reading for pleasure, gaming, sleeping really late. I even think he's been bored some of these afternoons. (Good!) This week, though, he had his very first job interview. Fingers crossed, because I can't have him bored all summer, and a little spending money will be nice for him to have. Yesterday he and I went to lunch at Panda Express, one of his favorites. I'm trying not to think about the finite number of days we have left with him at home....

5. Kate is away at WinShape. In every photo we've seen, she seems utterly happy, no surprise. But I woke up in the night thinking, among many other things for over an hour, about how she's cut off from her 8th grade friends this week (phones aren't allowed), and the minute she gets back we'll be going away again, to the beach. I guess July will require some social events planned for her. I want her to keep those friends close.  

Hooray for Fridays! We have Alex's senior piano recital tonight, and maybe tomorrow we'll see a movie (and maybe do some dorm shopping? At least that's one thing I'd like to do...). 

Stress Dreams

I had 3 different stress dreams, maybe 4, last night. Want to hear about them? No, I'm sure you don't. But I want to record them, for some strange reason. Maybe just to clear my head. 

1. Tornado. Big, dark grey swirling storm was visible and then was clearly a large tornado and clearly coming for the 4 friends I was standing with. We were outside a strip mall. Obvs we went inside, opening the glass door of a little cafe-type place, but the glass door and another big glass window meant we could still see the storm approaching. The only thing I could do was grab onto the legs of what was right in front of me, a cheap coffee table. I woke up before it carried anyone up into the swirl, but it was on top of us for sure.
2. Driving dream #1. Going down some odd red-brick road. I don't remember being in a car but I was moving forward, and then suddenly the road tipped upwards into a steep hill, and next thing I knew I flipped over and was face down on the bricks.
3. Band camp dream. I am chaperoning at the high school. (Alex's actual band camp starts in 10 days.) It's indoors and I'm having to find my way around the enormous hallways to a back-building theater. My Mom is also a chaperone, and doesn't know what to do, and Kate is there with us. The kids I'm supposed to be chaperoning aren't where they're supposed to be; the director asks me to do some errand for him; and then I notice that Kate is missing. I learn later she'd gone in a car with some teen I don't know, to play pickleball (yes, really. Yesterday I saw a sign in front of a church: "Learn to play pickleball! Saturday at 7:00"). I am mad at Kate and give her a stern talking-to about leaving without telling me.
4. Driving dream #2. Alex and I are driving in tandem on the interstate. He is leading. He doesn't take an exit ramp, but I do, then I realize it's headed straight UP (again), a hill but more like a vertical plane.... covered in ice. It is under construction and therefore doesn't connect to anything at the end, but is simply an edge. 

SO YEAH. That was fun. Dreams always sound less terrible when you write them out, but each one gave me panicky feelings and I woke several times.

I have been pretty busy, but haven't felt outwardly stressed, really. Still trying to say Yes and keep the girl entertained in this summer of no day camps. I took her to lunch with a friend yesterday, for example. But this morning when I looked at my planner, I had to laugh. Even though these tasks are not difficult ones, here's what it looked like:

I had thought lunch was at 11:30 but it turned out it was 1:45, which changed the timing of the ribs going into the oven for 2 hours. We baked a cake because it was Alex's birthday. Oh, also, I was supposed to be working a full day yesterday.

I guess that is an accurate indication of the way my mind feels this morning, with lots of things competing for attention. I will also detail them here, also to clear my mind. I apologize in advance. 

• Band Board stuff - must call the pizza place (4th one I've tried) to try to secure a sponsorship
• Need to take a day off work next week, to be available on the day we host a potluck for Band
• I just now remembered I will also need to make something to contribute to that potluck!
• I have to pick up tickets for an event at the bowling alley for the band kids.
• I need to schedule a mammogram.
• I should probably schedule a dermatologist appointment (basic skin check)
• Need to pick up some prescriptions, and get cash
• Wondering how my labs will turn out (cholesterol re-check after being on a statin for 6 months, fingers crossed)
• Kate is bored and not doing her summer homework to my liking, or practicing piano. How much attention do I give it?
• Kate needs me to return/re-order something from lululemon (that I didn't want to buy in the first place, too $$$, but Summer of Yes). Online returns are a PITA and I hate spending money unnecessarily.
• Alex's college planning. He needs to start looking at application dates, academic programs, and campus visits.
• Alex liked GA State Univ. but I don't know that I want him in downtown Atlanta.
• WHEN will we do these other college visits?!
• My actual job; I'm supposed to be going in 2x/week now, but this/next week, that is impossible. (Until school starts again, really)
• Our bathroom is really in need of a cleaning.
• My tomato plant is being gnawed on by chipmunks or birds; after months of tending it, I may get to eat one single tomato from the whole thing (out of ten that were/are growing)

There's plenty more on the to-do list I keep on my phone, but that's the basics. I feel a little better spewing all of it out through my keyboard, and don't expect anyone to offer solutions. I also know I TOOK THIS ON my own self, I have made this bed. I know I said before, if I just keep a positive attitude it'll be fine! Fun! Great! And that is true. 

My brain, however, reminded me overnight that, OH JEEZ, I am handling a lot here. Not to mention planning meals and groceries, lolz.

That's a Wrap on Schoolyear '20-21

FINALLY, school is over in this house! It seemed to drag on this week -- especially because one kid was finished with his last exam on Wednesday morning, but the other kid had 2 more days to go. But today as of noon, they are both officially on summer vacation, woo hoo!

I can feel palpable relief in the air. Kate said, "RIP my bedtime!" with glee. (Me: "I... hope you won't stay up 'til 3 a.m. every night....?" Her: (stares blankly at me). Teenagers.

This morning Shawn asked me to water the backyard with our sprinkler (not an installed system, just the old-school revolving one at the end of a hose), and even that felt kind-of like summer fun, getting wet but not minding, when I moved it every half-hour. :)

At 2:00 p.m. I will drive her over to CVS to get her first dose of the vaccine! And THEN we will get some double-celebratory ice cream.

In the next 2 summer months, I'm looking forward to:

• Popsicles
• Quiet mornings while they sleep in
• More grilling and maybe even patio dinners
• Enjoying our backyard and my flowers (and tomatoes - looks like so far we're going to have a great crop from our one plant!)
• Fruit: Strawberries, melon, cherries
• Maybe a rewatch of Mrs. Maisel, which was My Show last summer and is just so fun
• Pedicures 
• Maybe some new clothes for myself - I spend so much time thinking about clothes for the kids
• A little bit of sun on my legs, face
• Going in to my office more (HA! Just a little joke!)
• My birthday!
• Our beach trip!

Thank you, Scientists! My Arm Hurts.

I had my first dose of Pfizer yesterday and today my arm is very sore. Hooray! My experience was super-easy overall. I waited until they opened the vaccines up to all adults 16+ even though I could have qualified earlier, with a BMI of 26, juuuust over what they consider "healthy." I didn't want to admit it, I guess. But no matter, yesterday was my day. There is a mass drive-through vaccination site about 15 minutes from my house. I got an appointment without any difficulty, drove over there, showed them my driver's license and the QR code I was given at registration, and they gave me the goods. I think it took about 40 minutes altogether, including the 10 minutes I waited afterwards. 

It WAS oddly dystopian to drive toward the white tents, stopping every few feet to consult with National Guardsmen and women in their camo fatigues while they checked me in. And yes, I did get teary right before I went into the line, thinking about the possible end to all of this pandemic drama, all the times (twice) it made me cry with worry, and all the people who had to die before we could get to this point. But I pulled myself together as quickly as I could, looked away, and took that jab. Thank you, scientists. Thank you, National Guard. Thank you, volunteers. My next appointment is on Cinco de Mayo and you can bet I will be having a Large Margarita to celebrate (if I don't have side effects, of course). 

* * * * *

Prior to that happy day yesterday, it was Spring Break. We took the kids to Asheville, NC, to visit the Biltmore. Shawn and I have been there before, but the kids hadn't, so off we went. I'll admit it was my second choice for Spring Break; first choice would have been visiting some colleges with Alex. But that was not to be, I guess, and may not have gotten us out of town, which was something I think we all needed, in a way. 

I found a cottage on VRBO for not too much money, and booked it. Notoriously bad with choosing hotels (because they're so expensive and I always try to go for less-so, and land us in sketchy areas of towns), I think I did okay this time. It wasn't fancy, and wasn't quite "charmingly tucked away in the mountains," but it wasn't too far from that and was nice enough. It had 2 bedrooms, 2 full baths and 1 half, and a deck on which to drink our morning coffee. It had bears! Shawn heard them knock over the trash cans during the night! It was less than 5 minutes from the Blue Ridge Parkway, and so we did take the time to drive up and back down windy roads, stopping for a photo along the scenic overlook toward those famous mountains. 

And we love the Biltmore tour. Our very own American castle. I would have liked to have spent the whole day there including some time hiking, and some sitting down in the winery (!), but with the kiddos the winery wasn't an option. Besides, we found them to be very teenager-y this trip, not so interested in really DOING things, kinda preferring to look at their phones on the cottage wi-fi, if I'm totally honest. But the positive side of that is, we had plenty of down time while they slept in, and before/after dinner both nights we were away. And down time is a good thing, especially away from home where you can't be tempted to clean or fix anything.

We came home on a Friday, another brilliant plan I must say, because then we still had a whole weekend before having to go back to work and school. Tip from me to you!

* * * * *

The kids are already counting down the days until summer break. I am, too, really, because it feels like summer will be the start of normality (fingers crossed). Marching band has released their calendar and it includes competitions and trips (normal!). Camp documents are due and camp (Alex's last!) begins June 6 (normal, although it's only 1 week this year instead of 2). We are planning our usual (normal!) week in Destin with the family. We're looking ahead to Kate going on a beach trip with her bestie's family, and possibly Alex going on the band leadership retreat (if he gets chosen, hope hope), as well as 2 weeks of (normal!) band camp in July. 

(This is also the 2nd summer in a row with NO pre-panic (about setting up a nanny and/or camps, etc.)! Last year it was because Covid gave us a pass, but THIS YEAR I have a teenage driver! If they're bored in the house they can GO DO SOMETHING. I can't believe this is a fact, but it is.) 

I don't want to jinx it, but this all seems like hope is starting to gain a foothold around us. :) 

Updates on Day.... um.... 66, I think?

1. The refrigerator WAS especially dirty! I am so glad I cleaned it. 
2. The scaveola are hanging (ha) in there! They perked up, I've been VERY diligent about moving them under the porch when it rains, constantly watching my phone for weather alerts, and only watering them every other day, only if they need it. I am a farmer like my father before me. ;) But seriously, I am pretty proud of the success of these plants since I usually kill plants easily. I'm nervous that, if I ever have to go back to an office every day, they won't get the attention they require. 
3. I did, in fact, go back to work, from home of course, and it hasn't been all that terrible. Monday was a day of meetings, and I had to pick Kate up from a sleepover across town (let's talk about that below), so I felt like I got nothing really accomplished. But Tuesday and Wednesday were significantly more productive, and that felt good. 
4. The kids have all but finished school. Grades are in (all As). SEE YA, 6th and 10th grades. Alex has his AP Humanities exam today (!!) and Kate still has one "fun" Google Meet scheduled tomorrow, but all the other work is DONE. Kate had so many projects. Science (Google slides re: Hurricanes/Hurricane Harvey); Religion (some kind of family tree thing); Spanish (a menu for a ficititious restaurant); Social Studies (Google slides about Enlightenment thinkers - that was a tough one); and Literature (a paper about hurricanes - cross-class w/Science). Sheesh! Today we have to go to Kate's school to pick up her yearbook and the rest of her locker stuff, which the teachers have bagged up and labeled for every kid! There's a food pantry drop-off, as well, which makes me love our school even more, again. 
5. Both kids report they WANT to go back to school in the fall. 
6. I finished 4 books in the Women of Lancaster County (Amish) series and loved them all. I haven't read a full series in a long time. Now I've moved on to Sisterland, by Curtis Sittenfeld. 

So, Kate has had a couple of sleepovers. The first was Adrianna (neighbor nextdoor), and it was because A. asked me if she could sleep over. !! A little presumptious of her. She claims her parents have been fighting and she wanted to give them some space. (Her mom has told me they've been arguing a bit -- husband is home 24/7 and I think it's driving wife a little crazy, but it's nothing serious as far as I can tell.) I guess it's nice of their daughter but I hope my kids are not that bold to directly invite themselves over to other peoples' houses! No, ma'am. Anyway, we handled it (not without a little moodiness from 2 pre-teen girls), ordered pizza, made s'mores at the fire pit, set them up with a popcorn and movie night, served cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and then sent her home. 

The better sleepover was a meetup with her camp friends -- since she won't get to see them at camp this summer. And it was a surprise: Sarah Kate is from Kentucky, and her cousin Olivia lives here. I told Kate we were meeting O. but SK had secretly come down for a visit -- we met up with them for a hike and Kate had no idea SK would be there. Surprirse! It was so fun. They waded in the creek up to their waists, making memories for sure. And then they couldn't bear to part, so I let her go home with them. 

SHOULD we be having sleepovers, technically? Probably no. But geez, we've been isolated at home for nearly 2 months, and the kids have been SO good about not complaining. I absolutely couldn't say no. In my opinion, it's still social distancing as long as we don't do it frequently. The rules don't say, "Never ever see your friends again." They say to do things cautiously. 

In that same vein, I'm getting excited about our June visit to Pensacola. I think we might try to skip the condo in Destin; why haul all the stuff out there when we can stay at Mom and Dad's just as easily? We'll see. They might want to go, to "get their money's worth" from the time-share. I get that. But with a pool and enough beds, and cousins across the street, I think their house would be just fine. Still vacation-y! Getting to see my parents (we've missed 2 full times we should have seen them this spring)! Easier to get groceries in town than at the beach! 

Speaking of groceries, we've had some good meals lately. (I am still so sick of meal planning.)

S - Red beans and rice with sausage

M - Sloppy joes, sweet potato fries and tots (whatever was left in the freezer)

T - marinated pork tenderloin, wild rice, green beans

W - marinated grilled chicken, black bean salad (made w/cilantro and chives from the garden!!), cornbread muffins 

Th (tonight) - PW's creamy tomato fettucine and a spinach salad (will use basil from the garden!)

F - Hello Fresh (I restarted) bulgogi meatballs and jasmine rice, yippie! 

S - order in night

All the wonderful things

Positivity: It's what's for breakfast. I started thinking just now of all the wonderful things we've done or witnessed this summer:

- Sent our kids to camp, where they enjoyed the wild and joyous life there, and we enjoyed two weeks of quiet, uninterrupted couple-time (TV -- What We Do In The Shadows made us laugh, and Chernobyl was disturbing and great) (along with our day jobs, of course). This is a luxury so many parents don't have, and even though we don't go on a lot of regular dates, we can count on this time in the summers. It wasn't fancy, but it was good.

- Painted a room! As well as clearing out a lot of clutter from that room, and from other rooms. I donated lots of books and clothes this summer, and that felt great.

- Continued to work, with the help of our nanny. Carli has come to our house just 1 or 2 days during the weeks when the kids are home; just enough to appease and entertain Kate. She's taken them to her neighborhood pool, done errands for me, gone to Target (just to look!) and this week, she introduced Kate to the art of thrifting, for which I will forever be grateful (Kate came home so proud of her Abercrombie shorts for $3! More of this, please!).

- Watched Kate's anxiety about being home "alone" decrease. At the beginning of the summer, she was very worried on the few days we left them without Carli. All my reassuring words weren't enough to convince her, Alex being 15 wasn't enough, and she would text me several times a day asking when I was coming home or saying she was scared of a noise. This week, she found out she had two days of "home alone," and didn't really bat an eyelash. It's just the norm now, nothing to stress about. I hope that will stick.

- Given both kids a measure of independence. Making their own breakfasts and lunches. Doing some laundry. Vacuuming for extra allowance. Today Kate's re-organizing her bathroom. I think those are good skills to have in their life-toolboxes, even if they aren't as spectacular as trips to water parks and Europe and Alaskan cruises, like some of their friends have had this summer.

- But we DID take a trip to the water park, in Destin! And spent a day on a pontoon boat. And long, lazy days at the beach and the pool. We spent 7 days together, smelling like sunscreen and doing very little productive. I'm so grateful for that week.

- Attended several pool parties at our neighbors' house. There's another one this weekend, and the kids will even get to attend. :)

- Shuttled Alex to and from Band Camp for the past 2 weeks! And that has enabled/required me to work from home more, leave my office early and go in late. This is a little blessing, and has made my summer feel more at ease, actually.

- Experienced a few band rehearsals and watched Alex be AMAZING as part of this talented group! Every time I'm there, my heart swells.

- Started planning a trip to Indianapolis for the Bands of America Grand Nationals competition in November! So we may not have traveled a lot this summer, but we're adding a trip to our schedule for late fall, and it's going to be FUN. And I'm hopeful we'll get to stay somewhere for free, stay tuned.

-  Celebrated Alex's birthday by buying him tickets to the Atlanta Reign homestand -- and next week, Kate and I are going to celebrate last Christmas again, because one of her gifts was tickets to see Shawn Mendes! Experience gifts FOR THE WIN.


Summer's almost over here, y'all. School starts NEXT WEEK for one kid, and we've already bought supplies. Hang on, we're in for a wild ride!

Just point my car in the right direction

 * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  First of all, Happy 15th Birthday to our Alex!  * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * 

It's incredible to me that he's 15, and coming into his own. I really love his teenager self. I thought nothing would be better than his toddler self, but I'm just constantly floored by what a great kid he is. He celebrated yesterday by attending a live professional video gaming day (I don't know either) and it was awesome, I'm told. He looked so grown up when he got home. There are great things ahead for him this year, I can feel it. 

-----------------

This morning, I have spent the majority of my time coordinating calendars. I hate having three separate ones, but there's a work calendar, our shared family Google calendar, and also my paper planner, which is slightly unnecessary, except it has journal pages and goal-tracking pages and those speak to my heart, so: three calendars it is.

Band Camp starts next week, so I'm trying to line everything up. It takes place here in town, so that means we have to drive Alex there and back twice each day (morning session and evening session), which is going to be tedious. I'm praying to meet a kind mom or senior band member who will share driving duties with me somehow. 

I thought it would be best to have Kate in a camp that week, too, so she's signed up for gymnastics camp. Naturally the pick up and drop off times are slightly different; luckily the two locations are 1 mile apart. 

(It would be so much easier to take the whole week off. And actually, for the first time in my life, I have extra PTO days to use. In fact, I could take the week of Band Camp off and still have days left for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But because we just did Destin week, my good Worker-Bee self says I can't disappear again so soon. Sucks to have a conscience sometimes.)

Well, anyway, juggling WFH days and drop-offs/pick-ups is pretty much our life now. And I guess I do appreciate the paychecks. 

We had a good July 4th weekend. Picked the kids up in Montgomery, and had a nice lunch with Mom and Dad. :) I'm so, so grateful the kids have that time with their grandparents in their memory banks forever. They had to re-calibrate this year, because Tommy took his kids on another trip, but I think it was probably good for everyone. Instead, they got extra time with Michaela and Josh, and I was delighted to hear that my two were really good with them (they are our even younger 2nd cousins, ages 6 and 3). Plus, they had time to work on a lot of summer homework. 

Today I'm feeling ranty about summer homework. While I appreciate the idea of summer reading very much, and can understand why math teachers would want there to be summer math, too, keeping minds sharp and all that... I really don't like it for the kids. Alex, particularly, is taking an AP Humanities course next semester so he's practically taking a whole course this summer, thinly veiled as a "pre-course assignment." Poor kid. He's hoping to finish it this week, before Band Camp starts and takes over his life.

We also need to make up several piano lessons that the kids missed while they were away most of June. So we're working those in. 

And my very first friend from Kindergarten, Melissa, is in town this week, so tomorrow we're meeting her and her family for dinner, unexpectedly.

Camp Report 2019

The kids came home from sleepaway camp at WinShape last Friday (Shawn and I took the day off to pick them up, bonus). They probably -- Kate definitely -- didn't want to leave. It always takes them a day-ish to get back into the "home" mindset.

It takes me some time to recover, as well, because the pick-up day ceremonies are really emotional for me. Not because they've been gone and I miss them so much (HA), but because of the experiences they have there. It's hard to articulate, but when I see each "tribe" perform its chant/cheer (yes, this camp co-opts Native American heritage for its own, which does make me feel a little guilty), in big voices, all together, shouting out their love and pride for their [age group, basically], it just gets to me. WHAT a bonding experience. WHAT energy these college-age counselors share with the campers. What fun! I just love it for them, and it makes me cry somehow. Our camp is structured around a different Bible-verse theme each year, so I get wrapped up in the worship aspect of it, too -- so grateful that they have this focused time to develop their faith. I'm very enthusiastic that it isn't a specifically Catholic-Christian camp, either. I think it benefits them in so many ways to see and participate in different versions of worship/prayer than we normally do.

S. asked me to detail some things about sleepaway camp, and I'm happy to. 

• Both kids went for the first time after second grade, so Alex was nearly 8, and Kate had already turned 8. I thought, at first, this was way too young. However, they had also both stayed away from home for a week in the summer at their grandparents' houses, so it wasn't that big a step for either of them. (We had a friend who initiated the idea, so we went along with them.)
• But the reason I did it was, I needed care for them during the summer, and they had already done years of day-care "summer camp" by that time. I knew we'd need to mix things up eventually. 
• Alex's first year was one-week only (a good way to ease into it), and he went with a friend, making it infinitely easier. They requested each other as cabin-mates. I remember he cried when we picked him up that time, because he wanted so badly to stay on for the 2nd week! (Kate's first year, she'd already seen Alex go for 2 weeks, and wanted a 2-week experience, too.)
• Our camp is 1 hr and 15 minutes away. Just far enough. Some people send their kids by plane, with the camp van retrieving them at the airport, and I cannot fathom that.
• It's expensive. I could expand on that, but it just is what it is. I think it's worth it.
• Packing can be a challenge, if you get stressy about things like that. Now in my 7th year of doing it, I've accumulated the essentials, like rain ponchos and laundry bags and Twin XL sheet sets, etc. The first year, it's a little overwhelming. I know for certain that my kids barely use the sunscreen, bug spray, or stationery/stamps that are on the packing list. ;) 
• No electronics allowed at camp. Best feature of all IMHO.
• I've never bought pre-printed name labels for my kids -- just write our last name with a Sharpie on clothes and sheets and towels and stuff. They've never come home without all their stuff. I will say that girls' camp has been a little more "stuff" intensive than boys' - because Kate wanted an actual comforter instead of just a sleeping bag. LOL. One-time purchase and she will take that comforter to college with her if I have any say in the matter.
• Our camp houses kids in cabins, but they're not rustic. There are six kids and one counselor per cabin, which is an amazing ratio -- I remember summer camp when I was a kid and it was about 25 kids in a cabin with 2 counselors. One night only during their 12 nights away, they do sleep outside in a tent. If it were any other way, I don't think my particular kids would like it as much. We are Not Outdoorsy people.
• They choose 9 skills they'd like to do - everything from "Young Chefs" to Bible Study to Photography, Cheer, Dance, Musical Theater, Archery, Indoor Rock Climbing, Horseback Riding, "Indian Lore," "Lake Life," etc. It pays to chose a couple of skills that are indoors, because it's hot outside in June, in Georgia!
• Food is great at our camp, the kids report. This day and age they have to accommodate any allergies or intolerances. The night they campout, they make "hobos," which are foil packets w/meat, potatoes, cheese, sauce, etc., and of course s'mores. :)
• One thing that was scary when they were littler (and couldn't swim well) was swimming. They take a swim test at the beginning of the week and I know one or two years, they both got "yellow" armbands, meaning they couldn't go in the deep end, and that was probably a little embarrassing. But it was for safety, and they both survived. The photographers tend to make sure to get a picture of the lifeguards that are always at the pools. 
• Camp is good about posting photos every day, although not always of our kids. We coach them to get in front of the cameras. ;) It's fun for us to see what's going on each day at camp and I usually order prints after they come home.
• Registration is EARLY because our camp is so popular -- September of the previous year, in fact. But I would say don't wait any longer than January for most summer camps. Yes, really.
• Both kids have made friends at camp, quickly and easily. Kate came home the first year with a friend to request her second year, and has roomed with the same girl every year since then. Alex met, this year, a kid who rides his bus and goes to his high school that he didn't know (2100 kids at the school)! He and his first camp friend continue to room together. Awww.
• This year was extra special: Alex was chosen to take a special endurance/character test which lasts a full day and includes physical, mental, and camping challenges. He didn't pass (along with 24 others who didn't pass the mile-run uphill), but he "ranked up" and it's a real honor to be chosen. They go get these kids in the middle of the night to tell them they've been tapped, and the whole camp staff is there to greet/congratulate them. My heart!

Ask anything else you want to know and I'll try to answer. I got over being nervous for them very quickly their first years. They are in such good hands, looked after, known by name, and kept very very busy. They simply don't have time to feel homesick, they're having too much fun.

This week, it's been Carli on Monday (and I asked them to go buy us some cat food so that got them out of the house)... I worked from home Tuesday, and Alex had a morning band practice (it was rainy and I had a lot of work to do, so we didn't do anything interesting)... today they're at home by themselves (which is difficult for Kate)... tomorrow Carli comes, and says she's taking them to her neighborhood pool (thank you, C!)... and Friday's at home by themselves again. Then, off to the beach! 

Skipping, Shopping, Sleeping, Summering

I survived last week by skipping the choir rehearsal/party and I'm not even sorry. Then I skipped Sunday's last choir Mass, too! (Related: I read an article recently that made me mad about the church in general. It will take me a long time to process my feelings about it, but it aligned with what I already think/feel about the current, and centuries-old, situation; it made me want to skip church anyway, never mind about the singing. But that's another topic.)

Today I got some stuff for Care Packages for the kids at camp next week. It gets harder every year! I found: Haribo gummy bears; packs of gum; small crossword books; glow bracelets for Kate, a football finger game for Alex (he's 14 - too old for crappy toys but what else goes in a care package??)... no nuts, of course, so that rules out most everything yummy.

On Saturday Kate and I went to the outlets and found a couple of good Memorial Day deals. The one and only store I got to shop in just for me, was the Maidenform store, and if that didn't make me feel OLD, jeez! I have needed new bras forever, so it was a must-do errand. I found some bras in a new size that do fit me; however. HOWEVER. Once I got home and wore one, I realized exactly HOW old-lady they are. They're very high coverage and while I don't normally bare cleavage, I do have a few v-neck and scoop-neck t-shirts and these bras will not work. I feel like the center front comes all the way up to my neck! I'm going to have to take half of them back. The other half will just have to be my winter sweater bras, and I'll have to keep looking. You'd think a girl who worked AT a bra company would do better about wearing the correct bras, but you would be wrong.

Other than that, we shopped at Vineyard Vines and Palmetto Moon, where I bought my first Simply Southern t-shirt. That brand is so uber-popular here right now, I couldn't stand to not have one -- Kate already has 2 or 3 -- and the one we found is cute (Kate picked it). I plan to wear it all summer.

I was in a mood most of the weekend. It was partly because I am not sleeping well. Carpal tunnel wrists are no joke, and have been really achy lately in bed. Would a new mattress and pillows help? Maybe, and we will be investigating that soon. Would working out help? Probably. And it helps sleep in general, which ought to be a clue to me. I've let working out slide again, with the busy-ness of the last couple of weeks of school. Those weeks are just impossible.

So it's summer! It's so HOT, already, in May! What is that going to mean for June and July?! I'm scared to find out, and scared to send Alex to Band Camp in that heat. Yikes. He won't like it, I fear. But maybe they find ways to cool off, who knows. We've been swimming once, all of us, next door at our very generous neighbors' house, and we did an impromptu backyard hot dog dinner that night. Here's hoping for more of those.

The kids leave Sunday for camp. I know we're going to breathe a little sigh of relief once they're settled in, and we will enjoy our two weeks of nightly news, late dinners on the couch, whatever we want to do, and no whining. It'll be lovely! (And then I'll miss them like crazy and want them home.) I do keep wondering if Alex will want to go again next year... especially if he enjoys Band, and/or wants to get a job next year, or or or.... guess we'll just have to see.

I've been making summer treats. We got a new popsicle mold so we've made juice pops, the best one being a fresh strawberry-watermelon pop that I plan to repeat frequently. YUM. I haven't tried the grape juice pop yet. Also pulled out the old ice cream maker, and made a batch of Reese's peanut butter ice cream. Delicious! I'd have that kind of stuff for dinner every night if I could get away with it. Instead, here's the menu:

S - we had our Hamburgers/baked beans/chips Memorial Day meal on Sunday
M - Creamy One-Pan Chicken and Rice, with steamed broccoli on the side
T - Dinner Salads with (Tyson) oven baked chicken tenders
W - Spaghetti
Th - Crock pot BBQ shredded chicken sandwiches with pasta salad
F - Quesadillas and cheese dip/chips 

Summer in 3 weeks

We couldn't do summer without our college-age nanny. I know the kids would hate me calling her a "nanny," but that's how she functions. I've just learned she's available and I'm so relieved. Last year, she had already lined up another babysitting job several days a week. How could she?! She helped us a little, but not as much as I might have liked.

I only need her a couple days a week, for a scattered week here and there, but Kate just does not like being home "alone" (=with Alex) for long days while I'm at work. I guess I don't blame her -- staying in the house all day for days on end probably isn't ideal. Hopefully when the nanny is there they can go out exploring/shopping a little bit. My next-door neighbor also offered her backyard pool on some of those summer days. AND I'm going to try to work out having 1 day a week to work from home during those weeks.*

It'll be great. Can you believe it's already almost summer??

That reminds me: We've had some really lovely weather lately -- cool spring mornings, very warm in the afternoons but not yet humid and miserable, which is how our summers feel to me. My plants, so far, are hanging in there and doing quite well (no jinxes!!). I still should have put more petunias in each container (they seem a little sparse) but they are flowering, I'm remembering to water and dead-head them, and I'm even rotating the hanging baskets -- which are full-sun plants but hanging in mostly shade -- to the driveway every few days to get a good dose of light. I'm super proud of myself. My Mom gave me the Grumpy Gardener's A to Z book for an early birthday gift, and I just love it.

Back to summer: Not long from now, the kids will be off on their 2-week camp adventure. Kate has a couple of classmates joining her this year, and yesterday after Girl Scouts she was so happy to be the "expert," telling them what to pack. She had a moment, earlier in the year, where she didn't want these school friends encroaching on "her" summer experience (and I can totally sympathize with that), but she is managing to be gracious about it. She told me now she wants to tell them everything, but also doesn't want to ruin the experience for them, which is sweet of her.

Instead of typing up my menu plan for the week (which was a good one, but a lot of the usuals), let's talk about summer food. The one meal we do in the summer that we don't during other times of the year is grilled chicken kabobs over rice. Peppers and onions, too.

I would like to have more meals that are specific to summer. Not necessarily grilled ones, because we still don't have a great grill. Someday. Someday when we have extra money to spend. For now our little Weber is going to have to do. But besides the grill, what feels "summery" to you? Oh, here is one that we do, because it's very spicy so we have to save it for when the kids are away:

Shrimp Durango - https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/18130/shrimp-durango/ - I love it. Love love love. Cilantro, white wine, and butter. It's like I've died and gone to heaven.

And here are some that I'd like to try, with the kids:

Lobster Rolls - https://thesuburbansoapbox.com/easy-classic-lobster-rolls/ - since we are not New Englanders, we don't eat this very often but I know I would love it

Cowboy Pasta Salad - https://bellyfull.net/2017/06/05/cowboy-pasta-salad/ - My Dad might argue that cowboys don't eat salad, but it sounds delicious!

Crunchy Asain Ramen Salad - https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/crunchy-asian-ramen-noodle-salad/ - I already love this and have made it once or twice for myself or for parties. Might add some shrimp or even grilled chicken for the boys in my house who need their meat.

I need to get to my real work, I guess, boo. Hope you're having a good week, Internet friends!


*I really wish I had been called to teaching. You'd have thought, after all the time I spent playing  teacher when I was little, there'd have been some inkling toward that career path. But no. I think I was looking for the glamour of the business world. (haha!) I also played "office" when I was little. Probably I thought corporate work was somehow better than teaching --more polished, or more professional. I am sure I thought it paid more (but guess what...?) Office work certainly has a few perks, like travel (international travel in my case) and not being on my feet all day and not working with other peoples' snot-nosed kids. Heh. But seriously, Kate and Alex, when you're planning your careers, THINK OF THE SUMMERS.

Inside My Mind on a Quiet Sunday

I got myself into a little mental spiral yesterday, after leaving the kiddos at Susan's (MIL) for the week, and having 4+ hours of quiet time in the car trip back home. Here are a few of the things I was mulling over (and over and over and over):

1. When will it be our TURN, to live a more relaxing life? I don't mean winning the lottery  necessarily, or living a life of luxury. Because, as Shawn and I discussed last night, that would only lead to a different set of stresses. And we have a good life already. What I mean is, when will we be able to have a daily round that has more EASE? I feel like this summer has turned out to be very busy and slightly stressful day to day, after a school year which was also busy and stressful. I'd like to have the opportunity to just BE sometimes, and not always DO. To not have a tasks list. I'm grateful for this good life, but, you know?? Do we have to wait until we're retired? That doesn't seem fair.

1a. Am I allowing too many extracurriculars? Would cutting those back help me feel better? I have an opportunity to do so, here with a choir director leaving (again). Perhaps that's the first thing that should go - my choir commitment. And possibly Kate's. That's at least 2 nights of more ease, plus Sundays, so...probably. Yes.

2. Are we providing a good life for our kids? Is this life, which feels stressful to me, also stressful to them? Have they had a good, or a stressful, summer? (If it's been stressful for Alex, I can at least lay some of the blame on high school. He has an unreal list of summer homework and I'm mad about it.) We're doing our best. Is it good enough?

2a. Has leaving them at home alone so much this summer, so we can work, been the right thing to do? Has it made them feel abandoned? Or has it, on the other hand, helped them develop the skills of independence, time management, and self confidence? Taught them the value of hard work (seeing Shawn and I work hard) (and also helping with some chores every day while we're gone - simple things like litter box duty and laundry and loading/unloading the dishwasher)?

3. Do we need to move one grandparent or the other set up here closer to us? Will we, eventually? How will we even do that? How many weekends would it take to clear out and sell Susan's house? Or would she rather stay with her friends down there? I suppose the latter. I guess I started thinking about this because being in her house is so unpleasant, unfortunately. Wouldn't it be nice to get her into a nice, new living situation, for our sakes? 

4. How can we be better at communicating with family? We need to FaceTime with grandparents (and Aunt Jane) (and what about other aunts, uncles, cousins?) more often. We should do it during dinner, once a week, pick someone and call, so we all get to talk with them. Doesn't matter that dinner is supposed to be device-free. This would be better than NOT calling. Susan gave Shawn a little dig about not visiting more than once a year, and it hurt a little. We do the best we can. It goes back to #1, we're just always so busy. Even on weekends. When we do get a 3-day weekend, gosh, sometimes we just need a fricking DAY OFF. And I feel like this is not abnormal -- that every family with kids in school has this same schedule, this same level of busy. But I/we feel bad that we DON'T visit more often. (Nor do we visit Pensacola very often. Or, ever.) And it sucks that we NEVER seem have 2 full weeks -- or even one full week -- left at the end of the calendar year, for holiday trips. Never. We carefully ration our vacation days, and still, we can't get away for holidays in December. Also, we sometimes don't want to travel during the holidays, and then we're made to feel bad about it by some people.

I guess that's enough. My brain is tired. Overall, everything is fine, of course. Exactly as it's meant to be. But I got all thinky, and these are the things that bubbled up to the surface.

June, and now July!

I can't believe it's been so long between blog posts. But A LOT has been happening -- I mean, a LOT. June simply didn't slow down, not even when we ditched the kids at WinShape for 2 weeks. Er, lovingly dropped them off.

Much of my own "busy" was at work. It has just been non-stop. We had a Sales Meeting to prep for and then attend (11-13th, I stayed in a hotel down by the airport). We had an impossible deadline to meet, launching brand-new microsites in 4 different countries. Then they decided to throw in a PR campaign for said websites (2 press releases to write and several meetings to talk about how to manage the PR). More immediate deadlines. Then I don't even know what-all.

It made it a little harder that I had signed Kate up for a day-camp the week of June 18th. Oh, summer day-camps, how I hate thee. It is so unhelpful to have camps that begin at 9:00am and end at 3:00pm. I guess the SAHMs find those times perfect, but not this mom. No offense to the SAHMs. (Dear Kate, I advise you to become a teacher.) I brought her to my office most of those mornings. She was good as gold, actually, and I had worked out some carpools with friends, but it still complicated my week somehow. I also had an offsite, all-day meeting one of those days. WHY!? Gah. Extra shuffle, Shawn took her to work and to camp that day, and Carli helped with some afternoon pickups, too. Oh, also also, one of those days included dentist appointments for both kids, and since Alex had brought home a cold from Winshape, I went ahead and scheduled a doc appt for him, too. WHIMPER. I "worked from home" that day, which I love to do, but... after toting my laptop around town, sneaking in a half-hour here and half-hour there, I was mentally and physically exhausted by Friday. Mostly mentally. Had a touch of a breakdown, in fact, when I hit my head with the vacuum (because why not, let's also vacuum the house before we leave town, we don't have enough to do). It HURT, and I cried.

Thank GOODNESS we left for the beach the next day. And we did nothing, zero, zip, zilch at the beach for a week. It was a memorable year for that reason, and for the kids' parasailing adventure with Papa Joe (poor Alex got sick from the boat on choppy waters), and for the reason of having no extra uncles/cousins/people to entertain. Hooray! I read 3 books: Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff (pretty weird, but interesting enough and well written); New to Me by Linda Sharps (the best! Laugh out loud funny); and then Return to Sullivan's Island by Dorothea Benton Frank (perfect easy (almost wrote 'dumb') beach read with a kind-of surprise ending).

Which brings us to now! This week the kiddos have been at Mom and Dad's for "Camp Grandmommy." And none of us knows what is going on with Kate, but she has called us and cried that she misses us (and she's scared of thunderstorms) nearly every night. WTH?! She's been going to their house since she was four years old with hardly a backward glance. The only thing I can figure is different this year is that she's ten, and maybe has some pre-teen hormones swirling around making her inexplicably weepy. Right? Surely that's it. She was weepy for 3-4 days after we returned from Seattle, too, missing it, overly sad it was over. So that has been weird, but they're having a great time, I think. Playing with the cousins, swimming a bit, shopping, movies, pedal/paddle boats, and today a ferry ride across the bay. I'm so grateful to my Mom and Dad for enduring the moody one, and for hosting/feeding/entertaining both of them.

We pick them up tomorrow, if I can get through one more day at the office. Then a quick weekend -- including Alex's 14th birthday on Sunday (WHUT?!) -- and then back at it.

Next post may just be about the first week of school. Whatever happened to deliciously long summers?? Sigh. These poor kids don't know what they're missing.

Survivors of May; 8th grade Graduation & Lots of Feelings

We did it. We did ALL the things and came out on the other side. Today is finally Kate's last half-day of school, and Alex has been graduated for 3 days and out for a week already, and my stress levels have dialed themselves back to "acceptable," for now. I do still have to get them packed for 2 weeks at camp in the next 8 days, but I think with a credit card that shouldn't be too difficult. (Aside: I know it's fun to have a different costume for every "Nite Life" at camp, Camp People, but I do wish you'd provide a BIN of costumes the kids can pick from once they get there, instead of making ME visit Party City for more junk after I've already spent very-many-hundreds of dollars paying for this camp.)

------

That was all I could muster on May 25th; but we also survived the first 4 days of June and got both kiddos dropped off at camp. Hooray, camp!

Let me return to my Feelings from Alex's 8th Grade Graduation. There were a lot of them. On his last day of school, I made sure to have the day off work so I could participate in all the send-off activities, like their "Last Carpool," where the kids decorate the parking lot (read: they TP it gloriously) and parents driving their younger kids to school honnnnnnk their horns and make a giant noise to celebrate -- for a continuous half-hour. Several groups of teachers ride through the carpool line, too, a few times, usually in convertibles, sometimes squirting the lined-up 8th graders with water guns and blaring their radios. It's like the Party version of carpool, for one day. And, oh, it was fun. I was teary-eyed when it started (we had to be there an hour ahead of time), at the sheer celebration of it all. The kids just revel in being the center of attention, and it's such a festive atmosphere, so different from the buttoned-up every day! Afterwards, of course, they have to clean up ALLLL the mess, which they did, quite well, and then they're treated to donuts, they rehearse for Honors Night and Graduation, they have a picnic lunch, and then, the big event: The 8th Grade vs. Teachers Volleyball Game.

I've never known a school to do something like this, but it's huge at our school. They make a big deal leading up to it -- even holding 6 or 8 serious practices for the kids, because the kids MUST WIN. ;) I think the teachers practice, as well. Everyone wears their class shirts (which they decorate or destroy especially for the occasion), there's loud music and an actual game with a ref and coaches and all. Best 2 of 3, and Alex's class won in 2. Alex actually SCORED a point! It was so exciting for our little non-athlete! I didn't cry at this part, too much, until the end if I saw some of the 8th graders crying, which I did. Got a little choked up there.

Finally, on that day, the kids do their Last Walk through the halls, and all the littler kids stand outside their classrooms for high fives. It makes me teary to think about it, but in actual fact it was anti-climactic, I thought.

HOWEVER. Honors Night and Graduation were Extra Climactic. The first kid I saw dressed in a cap and gown nearly knocked me over with emotion, before the graduation Mass started. And it wasn't even my kid! It wasn't even a kid I particularly LIKE! But I've known him since he was 5 years old, and I think that's what undoes me in this whole thing -- it's the fact that these kids have been in my circle and in my heart since most of them were practically babies. We all share them -- we all parent all of them through the 9 years together. So it feels bigger than just one kid leaving the nest -- it's all the ones you've grown to love.

We were super proud of Alex who earned (tied for) the highest GPA in Social Studies, an award for Principal's List all 4 quarters of 8th grade (that's a 93 or above average in every core subject), and the Presidential Academic Award, as well as some other nice honors. And we were so thrilled Mom and Dad could join us. There was lots of talk about high school and where everyone is headed next, there were special songs and slideshows (including baby photos!), the kids had a pool party, Alex and Brandon had a 2-day sleepover while Kate still had to finish her last week (she was not pleased), and gosh, it was all a whirlwind.

I was really glad it finally ended, to be honest -- in the meantime and while all of that was happening, work was also stupid-busy, ugh! But if I think about it, I'm still quite sad that he's finished at St. Joe's. What a wonderful place. I'm glad I still have 4 years with Kate there!

Documenting Summer

Today's the last day of summer vacation. Poor kids, it seemed really short this year! I guess it was 9 weeks total (but we used to get at least 12 when I was in school). Anyway, I gave Carli the babysitter a gift card to Bruster's ice cream shop and told her they're free to have ice cream for lunch today if they want - it's also her 20th birthday so that works out well. Told her on the card, "Sorry you have to work on your birthday -- adulting stinks sometimes!" Because it's TRUE! hahaha I am so funny.

Anyway, what I wanted to be sure to do was make notes on all the amazing things these kids did over the summer, mostly at my parents' house in July 2017:

• Monday -- They got up early and drove to Marianna, FL, with Tom and Dominique and Angie and Scott and their kids, to see the Florida Caverns State Park and go caving. They'd never been inside a cave like that before, I'm so glad they did it. Afterwards they went to Ponce de Leon Springs State Park, and swam in the springs! Cold water - only reaches 64 degrees in the summers I think! But of course, kids don't mind. Apparently they were very brave to swim over a large, deep area and just had a blast in general. That was just the first day!
• Tuesday -- was July 4th. So they went to Aunt Lorry and Uncle Paul's had hamburgers and the usual fireworks and a party, including swimming, with their cousins again. It's basically always a party there.
• Wednesday -- I think they played all day but in the evening they did an Escape Room! All the rage. I have never gotten to do one, myself, but I hear they're fun! The cousins all worked together really well, I'm told, and they got out with 13 minutes to spare! Then went out for ice cream. 
  

• Thursday -- Since the across-the-street cousins went out of town on Thursday, Mom and Dad took Alex and Kate to Pensacola Beach, to other-cousin Angie's condo where they watched the Blue Angels practice for their weekend air shows. I mean. Awesome, right?! Lunch, a perfect view of the show, plus they didn't have to actually be out ON the beach where it's hot and sticky and crowded. Perfect! And they'd never seen the Blues, I don't think. Maybe Alex did once, when he was around 4. 
• Friday -- Friday might have been their only "unplanned" day, actually, and I think by that time they were ready for one. But what's better than hanging out at your grandparents' house? Not much, I'd say. By the way, they both also finished their summer math packets while they were in Florida, and I think they both read one summer reading book (out of two required). NOT TOO SHABBY. The kids always say they LIKE doing summer math at Mom and Dad's kitchen table, after breakfast, while the adults do their crosswords. My parents are miracle workers. 

2016 was just as memorable, if I remember correctly. I don't find a blog post about it, so: They went to see a play (Shrek, Jr.) at the theater, visited a bird sanctuary (odd but fun, I was told), toured the Guy Harvey exhibit at the Pensacola Museum of Art (loved it - they're both big Guy Harvey fans now), they had swimming parties, played with their cousins, I feel like there was another somewhat epic activity but I can't recall what it was...maybe fishing? Mom, help me remember it so we can record it for their descendants. ;) 

Hiking every week at Kennesaw Mtn. Nat'l Park
or Pine Mountain in Cartersville

Carli has been amazing again this summer on the weeks at home. She's taken them hiking at least once every week that she's been with them, and to the pool twice a week. She's taken them to piano lessons. Dropped them off at friends' houses. Enforced piano practice (a little bit) and reading. Played Monopoly at least once. Some days, she's taken them to Target or Justice or the bookstore, just to look around, or I'll give them money for lunch. One day I said, "Here's $20 - spend it on lunch or divide it for shopping. They chose shopping, and each got something small/silly. She washes the dishes they use for lunch by hand, and even empties the dishwasher if I've run it the night before. Kate told me the other day that sometimes Carli "disciplines" her -- if Kate whines or doesn't want to take a shower or something, Carli gets firm and Kate doesn't like it. Neither kid likes it that she makes them use sunscreen lotion instead of spray. But I'm okay with all of that. I'm unsure what to do next summer. Alex will be nearly 14, and then will turn 14 in July. Does a 14-year-old need a babysitter? No. Pretty sure none of his friends has one any more. Kate's another story, of course, and gets bored without some kind of entertainment... We'll have to talk about it. 

Yesterday's Meet the Teachers went really well. Kate's desk is in between Calli and Reese, her two besties. Prayers answered, a dream come true! The troublesome girl IS in her homeroom, so that's not great, but I hope it will work out. The teacher is a friend. Alex's locker is on the end, near his friends, too. It's going to be a great year. 8th grade, his last year before high school. How did we get here so fast? I'm trying not to think about it. 

A really great day in the life

My morning meeting just got cancelled so I feel like I have all kinds of time on my hands. I don't, actually... I have a million things I could be doing for work. But my terrible, awful laptop is misbehaving -- it won't open one of the files I need to work on -- so I'm taking that as a sign.

Accept the fact that your day might be extraordinary

Yesterday was a really good day, somehow. (I know, right? How crazy.) I wouldn't have thought it would be anything special: it started out very normally, although I did get to sleep in slightly (6:17) and take the kids to their gymnastics camp, and I didn't even bother doing work from home in that extra hour. Take that. 

I went to work after dropping them off, naturally. Checked off tasks: A content spreadsheet. A landing page. An advertorial. I took a very short lunch break to sit outside in the sunshine for a bit. It was really gorgeous out there, despite being hot. There was a breeze. I closed my eyes. Listened to turtles plopping into the pond.

Late in the afternoon I realized I had a deadline tomorrow (today), that I hadn't even started! Whoops. A media guide, 8 pages or so, that needed updating. Not writing from scratch, mind you, but still! I tried not to panic and in fact, got it done with no real problem. 

Maybe, I thought, it's because I haven't logged in to Twitter one time today, that I'm being so productive.

I picked the kids up at gymnastics. They've endured this week really well -- I think their days have been  l o n g  since I've successfully weaned them from day-camps in the last 2 summers. ;) But they were happy. Since those days are long and iPad-free, I'm fine with them logging into their devices when we get home. Admittedly, I linger on my phone when we get there, too. Yesterday, however, I decided I'd not seen their FACES enough lately -- only the tops of their heads. I set a timer and after 20 minutes of online time, we turned everything off and met on the couch To Talk. Just about nothing. They were so funny: "What are we going to talk about?!" We found plenty of topics, of course, and had an enjoyable time together. (We did have to consult the iPad to see pictures of a Marvel hero I didn't know, but that only added to our conversation.)

It's really little things -- small investments of time -- that make a difference 

Shawn came home and we ate dinner and then commenced a tournament of Uno... which ended badly. The one child who feels, ah... emotional when she doesn't win -- STILL, although she is old enough not to -- did not win. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth. But she conceded to let me hold her later while she finished being upset over it. And then she asked me to jump on the trampoline with her. 

I really didn't feel like it (mosquitos, hot, I'd already had wine, did I mention HOT), but I knew two things: It was the loving, life-giving thing to do, and I needed 10 minutes of some kind of exercise. So I begrudgingly put on my flip-flops and met her outside. 

like this, only brighter.
photo credit @BG_TO_U
on Twitter.

And we were treated to an amazing show in the sky. Pink clouds, reflecting the sunset in such a spectacular way, were right overhead in our backyard. There were rainstorms around -- in fact, we'd heard thunder earlier in the evening -- but our skies were perfect blue behind the clouds. Huge, puffy ones. Crazy three-dimensional shapes, where you could see white, then gray, then cotton candy PINK. I have seen sunsets before, but I'd never seen clouds like this, honestly. It was so bright, in fact, that it felt like there was a flood light shining on us. I said to Kate, "I bet no one else in the world is seeing this same thing but YOU and ME right now." We laid down. I wouldn't allow either one of us to take photos; it just felt too special - I didn't want to cheapen it, somehow, by bringing devices into it. I just wanted to BE in the moment. Kate didn't understand why, but finally agreed to it.  ;) She started finding animals and shapes in the sky. Every so often, she'd scoot closer to me. We looked at the sky for a good long while before the pink faded away. 

Then we played trampoline games and laughed and got our exercise, and the whole thing is still taking my breath away this morning. It's so clear to me that God sees each one of us and gives us little gifts, directly. Just what we need, if only we're open to them. And that ordinary days really can be extraordinary.