Can I Still Do This?

It has been a long time, dear Diary. 

There's no good way to catch you up on everything from the past year+, but I've come to another milestone and feel like I need to nod to it in some way. This past Sunday, we dropped off (baby) Kate at college. 

I know, right? Momentous. We are now officially empty-nesters, because the week prior, our college-grad Alex packed up his car, and his girlfriend's car, and a moving Pod on a truck, and drove west for 3 days straight, landing them in California where he will start a job -- in his field, no less -- on August 17.

I just feel like it deserves a full stop.

Just... in a week's time, they're both gone. 

The whole summer in preparation for these things has felt big and ominous -- you might say stressful (!) -- and yet, here I am, on a Wednesday, on my laptop as usual at the kitchen table. The anticipation was worse, I guess, than the actual things. (Not to discount the special misery that was moving Kate in: A 95-degree day in Georgia, a 2:45pm move-in time, the absolute PEAK of the day's temperature and not a cloud in sight, struggling to heft alllll of her stuff up the significant hill to the dorm entrance... Not a lot of fun.) 

But it's a whole different chapter, isn't it? I'm trying to be gentle about it, and to keep acknowledging it, and giving us, in my mind, the credit we do deserve for the work we did to get here. I suppose this whole blog acknowledges that work. It's hard to believe the "kids" phase is really done. They're not kids! I mean, sure, Kate is 18 and still needs us -- even I need my own parents, still! -- but you know what I mean. Kids at home. 

I haven't been super sad or lonely yet, although it is odd to lock the front door and leave it that way, with no one coming through it, or parking in the driveway, anytime soon. I have enjoyed the extra time to myself on the weekday mornings -- have managed to do a 10- or 20-minute workout all three mornings so far, in fact, and I'm grateful to have that time back! And I think Shawn and I will figure out our "new life" pretty quickly, which I look forward to.  

Of course, they'll be back; Kate particularly, on her school breaks, though we know we won't see as much of her as we did of Alex during his college years. She's so social (going through sorority rush right now, in fact) and if her first time being independent is anything like mine was, she will be happy and busy and may have to be reminded to go home for Thanksgiving, honestly! 

But as I sit here watching the bluebirds (my favorites!) come to my bird bath to cool off, I'm anticipating this fall as a very cozy me-season. Time to think, and maybe write, and find other things I love doing. I'm optimistic. (A little bewildered. But optimistic.)

A fine October morning

(Even though it's a Monday.) 

It's 47 degrees, currently. What bliss! I had to wear a vest-jacket and layers! And socks! Definitely not sandals weather this morning. I live for this time of year. Hot coffee, bathrobe, heavy comforter, fuzzy socks, and sweatshirts: Welcome back! 

As I rev up my work-engine for a very busy week, with a meeting I'm sort-of in charge of, on Friday, and some office visitors T-Th (UGH to all of it), I'm still thinking about this past weekend. We had tickets to the UGA football game and we had such a nice day of it. 

The game was at 7:00 pm, so thankfully we did NOT have to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive there in time. Instead, we had a leisurely morning and left the house around noon. It helped that we didn't have tailgate plans, although in the future, I wouldn't MIND having tailgate plans -- it seems to be a very fun activity for game day and I bet the food involved would be better than stadium pizza. Not to mention having a little adult drink would be nice. 

Anyway, we arrived around 2:30, walked through campus toward the stadium, stopping at a couple of tailgates where we had friends. I had to explain to Kate that there's a code of tailgate etiquette, and that we couldn't simply invite ourselves to join these friends, only stop by to say hello. She was disappointed and so am I, frankly, but you have to have manners. We had places to be, anyway: wanted to catch the Dawg Walk with the band, and see Alex as much as we could when he wasn't required elsewhere. He was very sweet to come and find us whenever he had free time. And the band sounded great and so festive, as usual. 

The weather was just picture perfect. Sunny but cool/breezy, especially in the shade. The game was exciting -- our guys won -- and we hadn't ever experienced a night game before. It's extra atmosphere, for sure. Worth staying out really late and walking what felt like miles to and from our car. 

Afterwards, Alex let us come to dinner with him and several alto-sax buddies including 2 of his roommates. It was simple, not a party or rowdy at all, like you might imagine. These band kids are tired after a full day of being in uniform, and just want some food. ;) I was touched that Alex left the table where he had been sitting to join the three of us instead. 

A lot of little moments, in fact - when he texted to say he had some extra time and could come find us again; when he gave us long hugs; at dinner; some of our conversation about his girlfriend - are evidence to me of how he's maturing. I mean, Alex has never been particularly immature, but it's really neat to watch him change ever so slightly. And it's gratifying that he doesn't mind being with us. He might actually even enjoy it. :) 

We do get to see him again tonight, since the band is coming to our county to perform for a bunch of high school band kids! Yay!

But this morning, I'm trying to hold onto the big joys from the weekend and face whatever "adventure" lies ahead in my Inbox.  

Whoops, skipped June altogether

A meeting got cancelled just now so: found time! 

How've you been, blog friends? I am hanging in there. I've decided: I spent the first 6 months of the year grieving and railing against my new normal at work, but I want to be done with that mindset. I'm trying, as July begins, to move more lightly through it. It's JUST WORK, for gosh sakes, and it isn't brain surgery. I am doing my best. I am doing fine.

The new boss is working out okay so far. He seems to see the situation clearly. He did give me the small raise I should have gotten in January, and has promised to hire me half an assistant. (I'll have to share her, but I'm okay with that.) It might be an interesting new challenge to have a young person as a Direct Report. I assume she'll be young. It's weird, approaching the age of fifty and knowing that more than half of the work force is younger than you. But anyway, lightness and capability. I can do it, I am doing it. 

If I start regular exercise/walks again next week -- this week has been too hectic -- that will also help. I get really bummed out, and depressed, and downright hateful about work, when I don't workout. So the only way to continue managing this job with lightness and capability, until I can leave it, is to MANAGE the mental health. So say we all.

Meanwhile, home is in summer mode. I realized this week that it's my last year where summer will be harder than the schoolyear -- next summer, if all goes well, Kate will be driving. It will leave me free to go to the office without worrying that I need to take her somewhere or pick her up. YIKES. That is a gut-punch, as well as a huge relief. The very definition of "days are long, years are short." 

We had our family beach week in June (lovely long days in the hot sun and cool water); we repeated our July 4th from last year at Alex's girlfriend's neighborhood, with her parents; and tomorrow little AJ from blog-days of yore will turn 19! We have a lot to do in the next few weeks to get him ready to move to his first off-campus apartment in Athens. He doesn't yet have a bed, eek. I am counting on Amazon and Ikea to help us quickly resolve those issues. It's been so nice having him here this summer. 

Big deal today is club volleyball tryouts. Club season doesn't start until October, but tryouts for every club in town are this weekend. We're trying a new team this year, which makes us both, Kate and me, nervous as all get-out. Butterflies in the tummy, both for the new place as well as feeling weird/bad about leaving the old one. But we'll see what happens. Good vibes and prayers for Kate are appreciated! 

The Care Package Dilemma(s)

Something I really want to do, regarding Alex's freshman year of college, has yet to happen: A Care Package Sent from Home. 

I've had it on my mind since before we left him in Athens on August 12. In fact, I had written a little To-Do Item, "Care Package," on the September 1 page of my planner, so I wouldn't forget. I wanted to give him a little time to miss me first, and then swoop into his shiny new post office box with a creatively and lovingly packed reminder of home.  

My Mom sent me a few care packages, particularly during my freshman year. I still have the little ceramic Halloween candle she tucked into the first package along with some candy corns and warm socks. My Mom was also the BEST letter-writer. When she wasn't sending packages, she was definitely sending long, newsy letters on cute, seasonally appropriate printer paper (remember that??), and I loved to receive them, and read them while walking back to my dorm, or on a bench on the quad with fall leaves underfoot (seems too perfect but it was truly a thing I did, and a memory I cherish).

I've also studied our friend Swistle's many wonderful posts about care packages. I started reading them well before I even had a kid in college, of course, and I want to be like Swistle! I did use her lists as a good supplement to UGA's "what to bring" dorm lists, and made sure Alex started out with some Easy Mac, vitamins, his favorite cookies (Chewy Chips Ahoy), band aids, hand warmers for when it gets cold, gift cards, granola bars, etc. 

But the universe has conspired against me, otherwise, and so far I have sent him Zero packages! Not even from Amazon! (And also not from the places that want you to subscribe to their "cards for college" service, and deliver pre-made care packages on the regular to your Darling Son or Darling Daughter. I have mixed feelings about these, but mostly don't believe in them... except when I start worrying that everyone is getting them once a month like clockwork while my kid isn't.) 

The obstacles have included:

• He came home after two weeks, again after five weeks, and a third time after 7 weeks. While I have loved getting to see him, it does sort-of preclude the SENDING of a little giftie.
• We went to see HIM! We enjoyed our first football game in Athens and that, too, negated the need to send him something. 
• Other people have beat me to it! His girlfriend's mom got a package to him last week, as did his Gammy! So now it's another "reset" - I feel like I need to wait to send him anything lest his room be covered up in candy and granola bars! And by the time he runs low on supplies it will be Thanksgiving! 

So I can't win. Have I handed him gift bags of stuff, when I've seen him? Yes, definitely, it being my only option. When we went to the football game, I put candy corn (he likes it), some other Halloween candy and do-dads (a dish to put the candy corn IN), some cough drops and Flonase, and I can't remember what else into a cute bag. When he has come home on a weekend, I've asked if he needs anything before my weekly grocery shopping, and sent him back with a box of Pop Tarts or a 6-pack of Coke. Last night, we saw him for a brief minute -- his marching band performed in Cobb County! -- and I gave him a DampRid refill for his dorm, a Sprite for the bus ride home, a couple of microwave noodle bowls, and a Ziploc of homemade cookies. That satisfied my itch somewhat. 

But I'm really sad that my vision of him being delightfully surprised by a box filled with clever treats hasn't happened yet. 

Dinners this week, now with less Alex

We survived move-in day. Actually it was very smooth and well-organized, there was not much acute stress involved! Just that low-level stress and dread when you're about to let your firstborn go off on his own. Ha. One tiny frustration when Alex first tried his room key and couldn't seem to get the door open -- it's a sticky, heavy door you have to shove -- and I thought, "Uh-oh, this is not a good way to start out!" But never fear, we/he figured it out. Some bullet-y notes:

• While waking up at 5am was not fun, the 8am move-in slot was a good call -- fewer people around, fresh volunteers ready to help, short lines, etc.
• It was GOOD that his roommate wasn't there yet, because we could get set up easily, using the 2nd bed area to toss empty boxes and stash things while we got situated.
• It was not so good that his roommate wasn't there yet, for loneliness/homesickness reasons after we parents left.
• On the other hand, maybe that was also good.
• Rolling bins! The school provided these deep, wide bins to take things up in the elevator. We got all of Alex's worldly possessions in one bin (plus a few things carried by hand) and made it in ONE trip! This was amazing. The dorm he's in is 9 stories; elevators are critical! Thankfully Alex is on the 3rd floor and right near a staircase if he's ever in a hurry. 
• We were grateful that a huge rain burst didn't start while we had an open cart outdoors -- it waited until we were done moving in, safely under a roof!
• Making a bunk bed is still a PITA! I remember from the one year I had one, ugh. This is why college kids never wash their sheets and I can't say I blame them.
• It's so much easier to have a BOY, particularly one who doesn't care too much about decor. We didn't even get him a futon, just a mini papasan chair. We saw a lot of dads carrying in lots of extra things, like bins and curtains and rugs and ottomans! We did our best to make Alex's tiny room livable, with a small rug, throw pillow, blanket and bookshelf, but... it still looks like a dorm. He has what he needs. (I do hope he'll hang some pictures on his walls but I left that to him -- it's his room, after all.) These moms who do a full-scale magazine spread for their kids are not letting the kid BE HIS OWN PERSON, in my opinion. Have you seen this crazy dorm-room Instagram account? We don't live in MS, but wow, that makes me want to throw things. People HIRE someone to do these. To decorate a DORM. Insanity.
• We took him to (a delicious) lunch, one last little trip to Target, and then we had to leave. It was as terrible as you would expect it to be, for me. I got so choked up. And could see the tears in his eyes, too. I remember that, being in his shoes. Wanting to be brave and excited, but feeling so nervous at the same time.
• Enough of that. I let the tears fall quite a bit in the car on the way home, but I know he's okay and I'm excited for him. Band camp started Saturday morning bright and early, roommate moved in Sunday and I was able to send a little bag with a couple more things I thought he needed. He's doing it! It's going to be great!

And he isn't coming home for dinner, sob... but that has meant: Seafood and creamy sauces! Alex is not a fan. So guess what? We can eat it as much as we want now, haha!

This week's menu: 

Saturday: Sushi rolls we made ourselves. Used both crab and (cooked) salmon, and they were delicious. 

Sunday: Skinny fettucine alfredo with shrimp, and Caesar salad.

Monday: (takeout)

Tuesday: Baked chicken with this creamy veg casserole (I know, I know, canned Cream of Mushroom is so gauche! But makes a yummy sauce, ya gotta admit)

Wednesday: (volleyball so it's Helpie Selfie)

Thursday: I planned homemade margherita pizza, but I couldn't find fresh basil at either store I went to! Will have to go again later this week (which I hate to do, but sometimes can't be helped).

Friday: is the first home high school football game, and I think we're going! 

Our May-to-August gauntlet of huge life-events has finally become a chapter, closed. I am so grateful for all of it, so glad we had those experiences. And so glad they are now in the rearview. Onward! Go Dawgs! ;) 

Hardest Part

My baby bird is almost ready to fly out of the nest. Of course, he is no baby; but you can't tell the mama bird that. I've been feeling The Sads for sure, mostly when I'm alone. It seems a little more pronounced this morning: only 2 days left, and it is grey and rainy-looking outside. 

There are a few great things about this time, to help me counterbalance myself. My mama friends and I are checking on each other frequently, which is so nice. We're all in this together. We're planning a brunch or wine night after everyone gets settled at their respective colleges; hopefully we'll boo-hoo a little, and then laugh a lot more. There's also this flood of memories: I've been trying really hard to put myself back in the shoes of the new college kid, and remember just how much FUN it was when I was a freshman who had just moved into her dorm. I think my freshman year was my very favorite year, out of four great years (I loved college so much). All shiny and new. Everyone else, too -- no one had an edge, we were all wide-eyed and knew nothing. Meeting people from Ohio, Minnesota, Baltimore, California, Philadelphia. Deciding which ones I wanted to be friends with. My freshman hallmates were sweet and we were pretty close at the beginning. I loved gathering up a group to go to dinner together, and letting our RA take us some of the places we needed to know about for the first time, like the nearby grocery store, or where to get the best frozen yogurt. I loved the newness of classes, and having them in interesting buildings, and walking across a grassy quad in between them. 

So: I'm trying to keep my focus there, instead of here at home, where his room is about to be empty and silent, and I won't need to buy apple juice as frequently because Kate doesn't really drink it. It's weird, those tiny things that will change. The hallway door to his bathroom can finally stay open, instead of how he keeps it closed and locked. His keys won't be hanging on the hook by the garage. There will be plenty of room on the living room couch since there will only be 3 of us.

I remind myself that he'll come back. On every form, his "Permanent Address" still says our house. And my coworker reminded me, 'If he's like most kids of this generation, he may come back after 4 years and live with you again," hahaha. And he may. We told him he's welcome to do that... while he figures out what to do next. 

There's also hope that the day of move-in will be stressful enough that I won't cry too much. This is what got me through his graduation ceremony without a single tear. The chaos of hauling boxes and bins to the third floor should make me too sweaty and tired to be sad, thank the good Lord. 

Anyway, we've arrived at the part of parenting that we never thought would get here this quickly. It is an unsurprising roller coaster of feelings and I'll be glad when the motion stops for a bit. I'll be glad when it's a Sunday night and we can have a somewhat regular FaceTime call with him, and hear about how much fun he's having.

These next two days, though: definitely the hardest part.

Things I'm Excited to Buy

First, though: Graduations!

Last Tuesday:

And last Thursday:

 

We did it! Both kids decorated with Honors, making us so very proud.
I also got Covid. I don't want to talk about it. 

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I have some things on my summer wish list right now; want to talk about them? 

1. A new wall calendar! Our very last St. Joe's school calendar ends in June -- it has been a constant companion on our fridge these last 13 years (!), handy because it already had half of the important dates printed on it. I'm happy because 2022 calendars should be on sale, probably, and I can finally choose a pretty one. (The St. Joe's calendar, while handy, was not pretty in any way.) 

2. A beach-read paperback! I just started The Midnight Library on my Kindle, and I can tell I'm going to like it; however, I will probably finish it before our vacation at the end of this month, and besides, I am not a fan of bringing my Kindle Fire to the beach. Stupid glare. I could go back to using my original Kindle, I guess, with its paperwhite screen... maybe I will dig that thing out and try to charge it and see what happens. But still: A good paperback is the ticket. I have no idea what I want so I might allow myself a fun trip to Barnes & Noble to browse -- one of my very favorite things in the world is to browse a bookstore and leave with something new!

3. Feta cheese. This is silly and small, but I keep seeing "summer salad" recipes online that use orzo and feta (and veggies, of course). I bought the orzo this past weekend but I forgot the feta. The salads seem so delicious and refreshing (just please: no mint) and I need some new lunch inspiration. 

4. New athletic shoes. I've been wearing Asics Women's Gel Venture the last several years in a variety of colors, and I like them, but I'm also kinda ready for something new. I'm trying to be good about buying athletic shoes frequently, because that's one thing my doctor told me about both back pain and foot pain: Wear good shoes. Old-lady shoes. Supportive shoes. So, fine, I'm an old lady. At some event I was at recently, two women were talking about these Hoka One One (?) shoes that seem to be trending; I never know what's on-trend so I was glad for a little insight. I would rather not spend $150/pair, but sometimes it's worth it.

5. All the dorm things! Yesterday Alex secured a dorm room for himself and his roommate, and I've been reading the packing lists and looking at the pictures and trying to start thinking about buying all of that stuff. It's so hard! For one thing, you just don't know exactly what the kid will want, maybe not until they get there and start living there. I guess I should stop right there and just be okay with waiting -- there is such a thing as Amazon Prime, after all. If he gets there and decides he needs XYZ storage cabinet, we can order it and have it to him in 2 days. Also, it's hard having a boy who claims he doesn't really care about rugs or full-length mirrors or comforter designs, when I myself would like his room to end up looking like something the Property Brothers designed -- subtle, yet neat and sensical. Ha! I guess I will hope that he'll develop a Personal Style as he gets older, and until then, a bed with a pillow is truly all he needs (and all there's room for! it's like decorating a Tiny House)!

Next Two Weeks: This Is It!

I joke a lot about Not Planning This Very Well, when my friends marvel that I've got both a graduating high school senior and graduating 8th grader this year. I really did count wrong: When we got pregnant with Kate, I looked at the age Alex would be when she was born (3), and thought, "oh, perfect! He'll be a high school senior when she's a freshman! He can show her the ropes!" I forgot to notice the months, and the schoolyear cutoff month, and all that. Whoopsie. Not that there was anything to be done about it, but it didn't cross my mind again until, oh, a few years ago when Alex actually started high school. "Waiiiit a sec," I realized. "He'll graduate when... oh. Shoot." Haha. 

So anyway, the next two weeks are Pret.ty. Big. for our family. First it's the last week of school... Alex has already been Senioritis-ing his way through this week, since his AP exams are taken, and all the band concerts are finally done. He has his yearbook, his cap and gown (needs ironing asap), the announcements have been sent, and we're mentally moved on to August and his move-in at UGA. (Did I tell you he chose a roommate? He chose a roommate; a kid from band. They're not best of friends, but I think they'll do fine together. It'll be nice to start with someone familiar, maybe. Good family. I'm relieved.)

Kate's teachers are still making them work for it, with a few last projects (one final "hey Mom this is due tomorrow" moment yesterday, Thank You So Much Dear Teachers) and academic days. But the mood is set, we're getting pumped about the 8th Grade Last Day festivities at St. Joe's, and then Hoya Lights at the high school, a night of fireworks and baby pictures that's designed to make moms cry -- again, Thanks So Much, but I really didn't need any assistance there.

This morning I was gathering school-years pictures of Kate for a poster I'm supposed to make for her. It was so fun. And also, of course, heart-squeezing, as I wondered if I've really enjoyed all of these years as much as I should have. Gulp. Probably best not to ponder. But I did enjoy them didn't I?.... I know I tried. I hope this blog shows evidence of me trying. There were some hard years, juggling everything, especially when my work situation made me tense and unhappy. But I enjoyed the Drama club chaperoning for both kids. I enjoyed them having friends over. I enjoyed Kate being funny and little and crazy. I enjoyed the heck out of being a Band Mom for Alex, as you well know. Many more things (I discovered the blog archives this morning and yes, there were happy times. <3)... And I'm SO, SO grateful that God made it possible for me to have a little more flexibility, here at the end of both things, so I can manage it all right now. To wit:

Sunday: Baccalaureate for Alex (which he had never heard of and I had to define for him)

Wednesday next week: Candlelighting Mass at St. Joe's and then Kate's last Vball practice with her class

Thursday: Hoya Lights at the football stadium

Friday: Carpool shenanigans, 8th Grade Vs. Teachers Volleyball Game, picnic, pool party, and Alex's Last Day in High School (typing this just made my throat tight) - I took the day off work

Saturday 21st: Two graduation parties for Alex's friends (overlapping), and Kate's class dance party

Monday 23rd: Grandparents arrive!

Tuesday 24th: Kate's graduation 

Thursday 26th: Alex's graduation

Friday 27th: Alex's graduation party at home (small, family)

I declare that Monday the 30th, Memorial Day, will be a day of napping.

Mid-April Rundown: Some book recs, sunrise/sunset moments, etc.!

Here it is, mid-April, and I haven't posted anything at all. What will solve it better than bulleted updates? Nothing, I think.

• I haven't bought any dresses for me -- well, except one, the Bridesmaid/matron dress for Jilly's wedding in June. Kate and I are the attendants and we bought matching-color dresses in very different styles. I had a dream last night that I tried mine on and it fit perfectly in the waist/bodice, which I truly hope is what will happen. My fear is that I ordered one size too small and it will be too late to fix it. Panic panic panic. I'm working very hard to drink 75 ounces of water every day and am doing dreaded "core strengthening work" just to make double-sure I've done my best to fit into it. (I did measure myself before ordering but I don't trust those size charts.) ....Anyway, I still need something to wear to each kid's graduation. I might try to hit Kohl's this afternoon since the Easter dress racks should be on sale... 
• Kate is well-stocked with three dresses for the season (so far). She did have a hard day of trying on a lot of things and nothing really fitting right or available in her size. Don't you HATE shopping trips like that? I really felt bad for her; it's such a quick way to a bad mood. 
• I just finished a great book, The Burgess Boys, by Elizabeth Strout. I did love Olive Kitteridge, and even moreso, Olive, Again, and her writing style has endeared her to me, although I did NOT love Lucy Barton. Still, I highly recommend The BB. Before that, I read one called The Giver of Stars, by Jojo Moyes. Either I wasn't paying attention or she didn't link the name of the book to the story, but at any rate it was an enjoyable historical fiction about a small mining town in Kentucky during the WPA era, and the Packhorse Librarians who delivered books to the rural poor. Two thumbs up, would also recommend this one, if you think it's your thing. 
• Easter was a lovely day yesterday and I had the thought, what if it's our last Easter with Alex home? Maybe he won't want to come home for the weekend next year! Sob, sob.
• Which brings me to the official news: He has committed to UGA and we put down the big deposit! Go Dawgs! (Never thought I would be a UGA devotee! Have always been kind-of annoyed at the stupid spelling of "Dawgs" when the official mascot is, in fact, the Georgia Bulldogs. But here we are, and I'm actually really excited to wear a lot of red and black in the near future.) Now I have the next milestone tasks swirling around my head. I joined a FB Group for Parents of the Class of '26 and (it may have been a mistake, because) all the talk is about finding a roommate and how do we use this website or that, and "did your kid get this letter in his portal account?" and it's making me crazy. My feeling is the kids need to do this stuff their dang selves if they're about to go away to college! I'm hoping Alex will soon have time to start working on those things, and on his marching band audition video (he's already working on it -- due May 1). 
• No sooner did we finalize UGA than the University of North Florida sent their admittance letter and a $16,000 Presidential something-or-other scholarship. Which is lovely. Still wouldn't cover the cost of out-of-state tuition, and we're hoping for more from the state of GA. But it was somewhat confusing for him to get that letter; he said, "It just feels wrong to turn down that kind of money." And I agree! 
• I am WAY behind in my gardening! I know you're supposed to wait, anyway, until after Tax Day or Easter, and those just passed... but my backyard feels sad. No time to do it this weekend, either - we have a volleyball tournament. Tra-la! I guess it will get planted sometime....
• Kate's been really sad about leaving her school. She and her friends are listening to sad songs, crying together over old pictures (I assume) late into the night. This has happened twice now. It's alarming when we hear her just sobbing, but we asked her about it and were told to kindly leave her ALONE, she's just sad. I get it. I remember some similar crying in my own life, after 6th grade and after the particularly fun community theater shows ended. Endings in life are hard, aren't they? Especially when you're young. 

Keeping the diary updated, that's all I can muster! ;)

College Nostalgia and Impressions After a Weekend at UGA

It's really interesting, I think, that a person's college experience can shape so much of who they become. I really believe that. For myself, I truly found myself as a chorister/musician; I found a group of friends that I still see, however infrequently, to this day; and I got an internship my senior year which led to a full-time job which is where I met Shawn. So it's a monumental thing, and I guess it's why I've been so thinky (and maybe naggy) about it for Alex. It's important! It's the launching pad for your life trajectory. 

Our weekend in Athens was excellent, starting with a perfectly-timed campus tour. Once he got the acceptance letter, I quickly got online and lo and behold, there was an available tour the day we were planning to arrive for All-State. His rehearsal didn't start until 6:45, and the tour was at 2:30. Divine intervention. I signed us up. It was neat when the enthusiastic guide started his welcome speech with, "I hear we have some new admits here today..." and knowing he meant my kid. 

We liked the campus and I was glad it wasn't as overwhelming/large as I'd imagined it to be. Very manageable. We lucked out with a beautiful spring day. (Short-sleeves and I wish I had worn open-toed shoes, it was that warm. God bless Georgia sometimes.) Nothing like a college campus when the weather's good, fall or spring! We took pictures in all the iconic spots, bought Alex an official 2022 National Champions (football, in case you aren't a college football fan) t-shirt in the bookstore, and ate some dinner in the student center. I want to remember this, also: One of his favorite things about the student center was a gaming room. Ha! We walked past it several times and saw kids hanging out in there; I think it was eye-opening, that they had their own place, right there in the middle of everything. 

I tried not to explain things so much that I annoyed him, but it was fun to talk to him about getting around campus, scheduling classes, best places to study (for me it was a Theology library; at UGA it's apparently the Law Library), RAs, roommates, and free food events. ;) He was asking good questions. I told him college is really the only time in your life when everything/anything is available to you. You're on your own, don't have to ask permission (in most cases), and you can just sample things you're curious about. 

I remember, for instance, renting a tent/sleeping bag from the rec center at Emory and going on a camping weekend (tour guides love to tell you this is possible, at every campus). We would go to the A/V library on Friday nights when we lived on campus, to watch a movie for FREE. I volunteered/ushered at the campus theater. I had interesting little jobs at a residence hall desk and later at the same A/V library. You could go to basketball games for FREE. (I mean, free with your tuition, lol.) Workout at a gym for FREE -- I'd never done that before. Join an intramural softball team just for fun. Go hear a lecture by a random author. I planned pizza parties for after Sunday night Mass. Music students knew that we could get very cheap tickets to the Atlanta Symphony, and we had to, for credit in our classes; I never have gone to the symphony as much as I did while in college. There's just SO MUCH available. (And we didn't even have a football team, much less a championship one!)  

So, the real reason we were there was the All-State band concert that Alex auditioned for and made. During the rehearsals on Friday, I was able to see one of my college besties and his family, who were there for their daughter's All-State concert as well. So that made me even MORE nostalgic.  

Sadly, we were disappointed with news from Ga Tech while there -- we held our breath and looked together at the expected email, and... he was not admitted. But, as my sister Jill pointed out, what better place to receive that news? We were having fun at UGA, who needs Tech?! I think that made it easier for Alex. For sure makes the decision process easier! 

I don't know that he feels CERTAIN about it, in the way that you just KNOW about some things; but he was definitely in a state of, "I could be happy here." And you know that makes me happy. :) 

Band-tober Continues

So much marching band! Since Oct. 14, they competed in their highest priority BOA competition in Alabama (came in 5th overall and 2nd in their class, which is not their best showing), played/performed at 2 home football games (those are the busiest, with Events feeding the kids both before and after), and had Senior Night, where Shawn and I got to walk out on the field with our Senior for recognition.

I had a painful blister on my heel in that moment because of setting up the Senior Night reception beforehand -- I stupidly wore "nice" shoes for all the pre-game stuff, because I couldn't figure out how/when I would have time to change clothes before the game. Also I hardly ever wear nice shoes anymore, thanks to Covid! [[Side note: The reception came together beautifully despite the early troubles. We had tons of help, we set it up in an odd location (gym lobby) but it looked really nice in the end with our balloon bouquets, the Pinterest-worthy die-cuts Allegra bought, and my idea of Mason jars with twinkle lights inside. We hadjust enough tablecloths. I got some beautiful frosted sugar cookies made, we gave each senior a small gift, and the food was perfect and perfectly estimated -- not much leftover! Best of all, since I am a senior parent, everyone was making a big deal about me NOT helping too much, so once the party started at 6:00, I was allowed to do no more! I enjoyed it!]] No blisters could dampen the joy of being there, celebrating this sweet, talented class of kids. I love that I know a few of them now, can recognize them when they come to sign in for their meals (never thought I would learn their names, like Luke and Davis and Michael and Carter and Ashley and Maggie and Sarah and Lily, and Rocky and Mason and Kate and Zeke). Not that they care who I am, but it's still fun for me. ;)

I am so grateful for the ones whose parents I consider real friends. Like, GOOD friends. Cindy and Dalia and Heather and Teigha and especially Allegra. I had hoped for this additional benefit of Alex being in band, but wasn't sure it was going to happen, especially with last year and Covid taking away all that time we could have been volunteering. We are trying like heck to get Kate interested in band for next year (she doesn't play a marching instrument but could surely play keyboard in the front ensemble, or join the Color Guard - no experience necessary!), just so I can continue hanging out with my friends who have kids younger than Alex. ;) It's a tough sell and won't work, I'm afraid. Kate wants to forge her own path and we understand that. But I'm going to really feel the loss of these daily interactions with these particular friends. I may have to volunteer with them for a few things on the side, next year, and will definitely have to do my best to get them together for lunch or dinner once in a while. I guess we will still go to football games; Kate will want to, and won't want us around her. We'll be free to go sit in our normal section with the band parents. I also think about the future: Who will Shawn and I hang out with once our kids are all grown and gone? At least one set of the band parents I know is a set I'd like to include in the answer to that question (Allegra and Lawrence). 

All this to say, the high school years are VERY short. I know we still have half the year left, but everything from now on feels like it's "the last" thing. The last football game. The last competition. The last Night of Jazz. Sunrise, sunset.

In the meantime! I pulled Kate from her piano lessons. It was a very, very fraught decision for both of us. But last night after having a few weeks off from it, she reassured me, "It actually wasn't that much fun anymore," so maybe I can stop feeling guilty. She had a say in it, don't get me wrong, but she didn't want to be the one to disappoint me or her teacher, so I had to make the call. Maybe it isn't forever -- maybe she will want to go back to it. But the scheduling, combined with her homework load, combined with She Never Practiced, and I mean Never, and therefore she often came away from lessons upset because her teacher was a little hard on her... it just didn't make sense emotionally or financially to continue. 

Her volleyball practices start soon, and she will be glad to get back into that. And basketball for St. Joe's has already started. Sports! Here we come!

This week and last, I have managed some meals. We eat at 7:30 or 8:00 pm, but at least we eat. You know what's getting harder? Keeping all the ding-dang PHONES turned off and away during a meal. Sometimes we'll get to talking, and need to look something up, either about our calendar or something more fun, like a movie quote or the definition of a word, and then, whoops, whoever looked it up has a moment and Snapchat or Twitter is open. I'll continue working on that. The meals are reeeeeal basic, but they still count:

• Easy Chicken Pot Pie with Bisquick topping (a handwritten recipe from a former coworker that calls for cream cheese in the filling, yes, please)
• Dr. Pepper Pulled Pork (not as delicious as I'd hoped it would be, but serviceable- it made a great taco yesterday for my lunch)
• Hello Fresh Carnitas Tacos - a request from Kate and SO yummy
• Crock Pot Loaded Potato Soup (Alex rightly says, "If I didn't know what this is, I wouldn't think it looked very good." It does indeed look like slop, but add bacon, green onions and cheese, and it's *chef's kiss*)
• Oven Baked (from Frozen) Chicken Tenders/Fritters, with a pasta side dish including some  zucchini I need to use
• Bulgogi Meatballs with rice & broccoli (if they ever stop carrying our Bulgogi sauce at Publix, we will be SOL and very sad)

Guess what? We have a trip coming up, right around the corner. We're going (with band of course) to Orlando for a weekend in early November. They'll march in a parade at Universal Studios and then get to play in the park for a couple of days, and we'll be hanging out with Aunt Kimmy and Uncle Art. I'm excited, when I can stop to think about it for a minute. We haven't gotten to go to Orlando in YEARS. On the 2nd day, we're going to Magic Kingdom (the band is staying at Universal). So, without Alex, but he'll have more fun with his friends anyway. Kate's excited about Disney, since all her friends go there all the time and she doesn't. We plan to pack the day and stay for the fireworks show at night, and we know we'll be bone tired but I think it's going to be worth it. 

Let no one say we aren't making memories this year! I'm grateful for a place to record them, here. I sometimes feel like my blog must be so boring, as mostly a recap of the run-around schedule. Why would you read mine when you have one of your own?! I don't take the time for insight or contemplation, or well-written phrases that make anyone laugh or bring a tear to your eye. I wish I were that kind of writer. But right now I'm a memory record-keeper, and that has to be okay.

His Senior Year Begins

 I've been thinking a lot about this moment lately.

Today's the first day of his senior year of high school.

I'll just be over here in my corner, silently dripping tears.

First 2 Days, Done!

The first 2 days of Alex's band camp are done. They were busy ones, with nighttime Events both nights. Hooray, the hard part is over! All we have left are 3 lunches this week and then one noon-2:00 event Tuesday next week. (...Until football starts.) I'm exhausted but happy.

Allegra (my co-director) and I were the last 2 people in the school building yesterday when we left at 9:15 pm. We had a potluck for 250 people in the cafeteria, cleaned it up, including "pulling trash" from all the cans and taking it to the back dumpster (I didn't know the phrase "pulling trash" until these days of volunteering/clean-up duty; very custodial). But I thought, as we walked out the door, THIS is the kind of thing that they always talk about that makes memories -- being out late, being exhausted together, but having accomplished a good thing. I was glad I was present enough to notice.

And Bless Kate: She is enduring this week like a champ. She came with me on Monday to the Directors' Lunch, and was properly bored. So Tuesday she elected instead to stay home in the morning -- she watched Gilmore Girls and made friendship bracelets -- but came with me in the afternoon to set up for the potluck. And she was really helpful -- earned herself a service hour! I know she kind-of hates all the focus on band/Alex; she's not very good at being a "background" character, lol. Next week she gets to go to the beach with her best friend's family and I'm so glad. She'll kind-of be their "special guest" so that will hopefully make up for this week. I did take her thrifting and shoe-shopping yesterday in between events, which was fun! (I had taken the day off work.) She helped me pick out a few things for myself, too. 

When I drive by the practice field at school, Alex is usually supervising his section. In his sunglasses, looking like he's in charge. Makes me so glad to see him developing leadership skills, growing and becoming. It's just one of the very best parts of parenting, isn't it? 

At The Office, Warming Up My Typing Fingers

Howdy-do. Today I must rewrite a few articles for our company's website. Ehhhh, I'm not feeling it yet. 

We had a busy weekend -- it felt like pre-pandemic times, honestly. 

1. We went out on a Friday night! Kate's bestie from summer camp was in a play, so we drove across town to see her. It was Once Upon a Mattress, which is a favorite musical of mine from loooong ago. I saw it in, hmmm, probably 1988 or so, in Pensacola. This one was a middle school production but was HIGH quality. They are lucky to have such a nice stage, and sets and lighting and costumes. Made our little program at St. Joe's seem a bit more amateur than usual, but hey, you work with what you've got. Creating something from nothing is part of the fun of theater. Anyway, the show was wonderful and Kate's friend was the lead! 
2. Saturday morning, we had somewhere to be at 9:00 am! It was pick-up day for the marching band plant sale. May 1 seems LATE for delivering plants in GA, as mentioned earlier on this blog, but it worked out well because it was a good day to be out in the yard planting. I even got slightly sunburned. Now my yard looks happier and I am, too. I've finally learned that planting/tending annuals isn't a chore; instead, it makes me happy. Puttering around in the dirt, adding color -- even deadheading ALL the pansies I ended up with. I'm not an expert or a green thumb, and maybe it makes me an old lady (along with my bird-watching habit, ha!) ...but I guess I don't care. Nataly Kogan talks a lot about doing things that bring you joy, and I'm always trying to FIND those things. 
3. THEN, friends: Alex went to prom! He and several of his friends, all girls, had made plans. One is his girlfriend (green dress), although we don't talk very much about it. ;) They had a photoshoot with all of us moms at the nearest botanical garden, which is where we got all these pics. They were driven by 2 moms, and driven home by the girlfriend's dad (!), and I'm told it was a happy evening. As it should be. I'm so glad he got to go. (There were masks "encouraged," but he said no one really wore them inside the venue. :/ Not surprising, but at least he's half-vaccinated, and I assume a lot of the kids are.)
   

   

   Looking so dapper. His first real suit, his first pocket square that I didn't know how in the heck to fold. I was in a hurry when I Googled it. 

   
   

   

   My favorite photo of the afternoon. These kids were so good to us, letting us walk them all over the park to find picturesque spots.

   
   

   

   Really loved her dress and how his grey/navy complemented it. She was wearing heels -- they are just about the same height in normal clothes.

   
   

   

   All us moms-turned-photography-experts love how this one turned out. 

    

After all that (plus Kate spent the night with a friend, as well, AND Shawn and I painted the garage!!), we were POOPED, but happy. And gosh, what a glimpse into how it's going to be as we all start returning to life as we knew it. My 2nd vaccine happens tomorrow, and then Shawn's and Alex's next week, and they're about to OK it for ages 12-15, which means Kate will be eligible at last.

Do I want this level of activity every weekend? NO. But do I want back the option? YES, INDEEDY.

Band Boosters News

The first time I went to a Marching Band Boosters meeting, I cried. The Boosters were, of course, enthusiastically telling us newbies that band is a FAMILY and how it was going to change our students' lives, and ours too, especially if we GET INVOLVED. They were really being honest and genuine along with their desperation to sign us up for jobs (I knew their ploy), and it got right to the core of me. I love stuff like that. I love thinking of young lives changed, forever friendships, and all that. 

I watched the co-president up there making her speech, and I wanted to be her. I already admired the directors from the little I'd heard them speak at new-parent meetings, and I knew I wanted to know them better, and them to know me. I wanted them to be impressed with my kid, yes, but some part of me felt like a student again, wanting to be seen (Please be my friend!!). I was bummed we'd missed out on a year of it already, since Alex didn't march his freshman year, but no matter -- I was going to get myself involved and meet the people and do the thing. 

So we did. Shawn and I helped with concessions at some events. I tried chaperoning at a game or two. I helped serve and clean up at a few banquets. I sold "shout-outs" at a color guard competition. Shawn was on the parking crew at football games. I tried sewing hems on uniforms at the beginning of the year. And by golly, we went on the big trip as supporters! I wanted to give everything a shot, to see what I liked. It was a really good testing-out year. I learned that a lot of it was a BIG No Thanks, like uniforms and game-day chaperones (as opposed to Band Camp chaperones). And then Covid struck, and this year there haven't been any volunteer opportunities to speak of. 

So imagine my surprise when last night, the outgoing co-president called me up and asked me to please serve on the Board, as co-president for next year! 

...Don't get too excited, I can't take that job. Not because I don't want it! I DEFINITELY wanted it! But they're looking for a parent of a junior or someone who has a younger band-kid as well, because they already have one co-pres who's graduating out in '22. So sad! I had to tell them that we, too, will graduate... so they immediately moved down the list of jobs to Co-Chair of Events -- with my favorite parent I've met so far in band (underclassman, so she'll stay another year after me). So there you have it: IF I was approved last night on the official slate of officers, I am about to be Co-Chair of Events! 

Daunting, for SURE. Besides once a week meetings, there are a LOT of Events to be in charge of. But the good news is, I can let myself off the hook a little for other things. No need to stretch too thin. (I'm sure I'll be suckered into everything, anyway.)

Hey, there is other, BIGGER band news: Alex was chosen to be Clarinet section co-leader! WOO HOO! He is going to be great at it and I'm thrilled for him. There used to be a Leadership Retreat -- a camping trip -- over the summer, but he thinks that's not happening this year. Still, a great honor for him. I can't believe it's going to be his senior year. It's a good thing I'll be busy. No time to think about it!

I do want to say that I'm banking on WFH Forever, here, to make this work. Most events happen after school of course, but flexibility is going to be the name of the game. 

Next weekend is the end-of-year concert. I'm on concessions duty and Shawn will be taking temperatures of attendees. We're IN IT, y'all. Doing the thing. 

Brain Dump: Plants, College-Planning(?) Kid, Covid-Guilt and Impatience

A lot on my mind today; having a hard time focusing or caring about work. (heh, I mean, that's every day, but seems worse today). So, here it is, in all its glory.

1. Want to buy a plant?

Both of our kids' usual activities, though they aren't really "on" this semester, are still doing their spring fundraisers. Both of them are plant sales. The drama club sells hanging baskets only, and the band sells both hanging baskets and flats of annuals. It works out well for me, I guess, because I don't have to go to the nursery or Home Depot and be overwhelmed with choices, which is what happens every time.

Had some success last spring, and I'm looking forward to many of the same successes. BUT: Delivery dates aren't until April 15 and May 1 -- and that's most of spring, including Easter! Bad planning on their part, I say. So do I buy Home Depot plants to tide me over? And then, what, not support the causes?? It's a conundrum. 

2. College planning is going to kill me

My darling Alex is a 2nd-semester junior, and has done the barest, barest minimum of thinking about what he wants to do after high school, and it is driving me crazy. This week he got his PSAT scores (I made him take it one last time in his junior year because I think he could qualify for National Merit Scholarships). He did QUITE well, better than I did on the SAT by more than 100 points, and so he really could take his pick of schools. The one he seems most "interested" in right now -- and by that I don't mean much, because he NEVER talks about this stuff unless I bring it up -- is Georgia State University in Atlanta. Which is a good enough school, and he can go for free because of in-state scholarships. But... I just feel like he could broaden his horizons a little bit. Yesterday I (he) got a recruitment email from Dartmouth. Maybe I shouldn't wish him away -- I mean, Atlanta is right here! He could come home on weekends! But... I'm praying pretty fervently right now for guidance on how to guide him. 

3. Social media is abuzz with vaccination announcements and it's making me feel both guilty and impatient.

Though I WAS quarantined like everyone else in the beginning, and we have definitely had a different year without school activities or church or seeing friends/going out... I haven't locked myself up in a way that "getting out" feels so huge. I see people say, "I got my hair cut for the first time in a year" and, well.... I have been able to continue having haircuts, masked, all along. We went to some football games last fall. I actually have had a few meals in restaurants since they reopened. Not often, but a few. We saw my parents a lot over the summer. (Not since then, regrettably.) I don't know, I just feel bad that other people have had it so much worse than I have. 

That said, I'm READY for my shot and impatient that I can't get it yet. Georgia has just opened up for teachers, medically disabled adults, and parents of medically fragile children. None of those descriptors applies to me. It feels like the longest waiting room ever and that this thing will NEVER, ever be over. 

Licensed to Drive and other Atrocities

Alex is now licensed to drive and insured on our plan. Oh my gosh, that is crazy. I suppose he could drive himself (and Kate) to piano lessons tomorrow night. All by himself. In the dark. The state says he can, anyway. My brain short-circuits a little bit when I think about it, though. Just... he'll be out there! On his own! Making decisions that are, in fact, somewhat life or death. Nope, better stop trying to make this paragraph more descriptive with sentences like THAT. 

......

Christmas is close! I think we have nearly everything, except 1 or 2 items that are still in transit. Santa won't really know for sure until she does the wrapping. We always say that as kids get bigger, their presents get smaller and more expensive. That is proving true this year. I'm considering adding a package of underwear for each kid, just to make the Christmas morning pile a little more inviting, as sad as that seems. (But they need underwear! And it would be funny! Maybe!) It's so hard to resist the call of commercialism, telling me that more is better. 

MORE IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER. LET ME TEACH MY KIDS THAT CHRISTMAS ISN'T ABOUT THINGS.

......

I have started taking cholesterol medicine in a very low dosage. I am happy/unhappy about it. Happy because I hope it will really help my stupid high cholesterol number to go down. Unhappy because it  makes me feel like a bad person, THANK YOU DIET CULTURE, that I "let" my cholesterol get so high. I mean, yes, for a couple of years I was following a diet plan that encouraged eggs and real butter/cream over "light" or "low-fat" options... that was probably not great for me. But still, some of it is genetic and I shouldn't have to feel guilt along with the bummed-out feeling of adding an old-person's medicine to my daily pile of pills. Ugh. Anyway, I am on it now, I have been working out pretty damn consistently for a year and a half already, and I am changing some food habits. There is Raisin Bran in my pantry, people. And Benecol in the fridge. Never heard of Benecol? Neither had I! We ate vegetarian black-bean chili last night, and I enjoyed some whole wheat spaghetti on Monday. This is going to happen, my cholesterol will go down and I am going to live a long, healthy life with only the occasional indulgence, so help me. I am mad and on a MISSION. My body had better cooperate. 

Monday Morning at Home

I love, love, love Monday mornings working from home. Back in the day, when Alex was a baby, I used to WFH every Monday and Thursday. Seems so quaint. Now in 2020 it's more days at home than not, and I am totally okay with that. I did realize last week that there's one drawback to all this flexibility, and that is, I used to very happily tell people that I "left work at work," and I never had to check emails after 5pm. Now, not so much. Since I take breaks during the day to workout, and then to do afternoon carpool and whatever errands need doing, I have to go back to my laptop when we get home, before dinner prep begins. (Dinner is later than it used to be.) And sometimes on weekends. But I think that trade-off is worth it.

This Monday morning I lit 3 candles, to help take away the lingering scent of the turkey gumbo I made yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I love gumbo, including the way it smells. But by the next day, I'm ready for the onions/peppers/roux to be a happy memory. (Same goes for oven fajitas, and red beans and rice, which also tend to linger.) Candles make it feel so cozy. I have my coffee, the Christmas tree is lit, and I'm wearing a not-professional hoodie and no bra because no one will know. So see? I love this life. ;)

Here are some updates.

1. We did go to Savannah for Thanksgiving. I feel incredible guilt about it; I know that the CDC said we weren't supposed to travel. But it was a good visit with Shawn's mom, and I think she really needed it. Not that she doesn't see people -- she does -- but still, she lives alone in 2020. We felt that bringing her some joy was more important. She'd had a COVID test a few days before we came and it came back negative while we were there. (So we know if she gets it, it'll be our fault!) We are all feeling fine so far (it's been just over a week). Prayers that it stays that way. 

2. I was thinking about this recently: I owe you a years-later update on Alex's stature. He has shot up in the last year and is now definitively taller than me: 5'3" and 105 pounds in his junior year. I'm so glad we never made him do the hormone shots. I remember when we were considering all that, and Sherry, you told me your brother grew finally in high school/college. Thank you for telling me that back then. He's still not big, but I'm not worried about him anymore. Incidentally, Kate's on her way, as well, so I'll likely be their "little Mom" when I'm old, haha. 

3. Online Groceries: I've done it twice now. It's muuuuuch faster to pick them up on Sundays, I'll grant you that. And both Aldi and Wal-Mart have done a good job; I've never had to wait longer than 10 minutes. It does seem like I forget things frequently, and have to run to a store one more time during the week to pick something up... but I guess those are quick trips at off-times, so it's safer in general. Yesterday I had to go in-person; I needed several holiday-related things, as well (wrapping paper for the Santa gifts, some stocking stuffers/Advent calendar gifties), and Kate was spending the night out, so it had to be done then. I went early on a Sunday morning and the crowds weren't terrible. 

Shawn is recovering from his last surgery of the year (we hope)! He had a hernia repaired last Tuesday. Quite a year he's had, health-wise, with the liver scare, the melanoma, and the hernia. He's impatient that he still isn't feeling 100%, but he was good and pretty much took it easy this weekend. 

I somehow had a ton of extra energy and the weekend was super-productive for me. I feel I should catalog it here because it's pretty rare that I want to do so much. I took care of a lot of Christmas shopping and wrapping on Saturday, addressed some Christmas cards, did laundry, cleaned up the dead plants from our front yard, and even did a couple hours' worth of work-work on Saturday night until about 10:30. THAT did not feel like me, but it was a project I needed OFF my list. On Sunday I got up early for groceries, then picked up Kate from her friend's (a little more guilt, but it's someone she's seen several times since March, for whatever that's worth), made gumbo, did more laundry, and we even baked sugar cookies (the pre-cut ones you just put on the cookie sheet) after dinner. Who am I?! I don't know. I doubt there will be another weekend like that so I'm grateful for it. If only I could put that kind of energy into my work-week. LOL.

A lot of lifeofadoctor'swife's topics the last few days are things I'm thinking about, too. What should we have for Christmas meals? What's making me feel festive? GIIIIIIFTS to buoy up everyone's moods in 2020... but I'll leave those for future posts, I think. Maybe a post a day this week, to continue using my good energy! 

Here is what we're eating this week:

• Chicken/GreenBeans/Potato Bake - super easy weeknight dinner
• Sloppy Joes with tater tots
• Pork Chops with field peas and rice
• Hawaiian Roll Ham Sliders with Pasta/Vegetable Salad
• ... and some really good leftovers on Friday! 

Grateful for Wednesdays

On Wednesdays, Alex's school district has virtual days. No kids go to school, so buildings and buses can be deep-cleaned. It's a day for teachers to host virtual office hours, for kids to take online tests, work on projects, do homework, and for my kid, to practice music. 

I love Wednesdays. I didn't think I'd miss him quite so much when he went back to class face-to-face earlier this month. Don't get me wrong, the alone-time at home is a treasure, too -- but it is so noticeable when he's gone, after having him here every day since March. I walk by his room on M, T, Th and Fr and can't quite believe he's not there, sitting at his desk.

It's good preparation for the impending college years and beyond, when he won't actually live here anymore (I presume).

On Wednesdays, we watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine at lunch. It's the smallest thing, but it's one of my favorites. I would never have had this time with Alex without the pandemic. I hate the pandemic, I wish it would go away. But I am so, so grateful for the time.

Things I Haven't Been Doing

1. Singing. I quit the choir as soon as the pandemic started, and I quit being a cantor at Saturday Vigil Masses the minute the director emailed to say "We can go back, but in a limited way." I have felt guilt over this, of course -- the subhead of this blog could be, "She feels guilt about not going to choir" -- but I have also felt something else, new: I just can't fathom singing anymore. Not because of the physical act of singing, which is of course dangerous, what with droplets and all. But because there's no desire to sing. I have no desire to exercise my vocal muscles or improve my talent. It's like all that dried up with society's general optimism. (It's also partly that I don't want to sing what they're singing; the current director doesn't choose things I like or teach music the way I prefer.) I feel a little sad over it, yes. But a little like... it's as good an excuse as any... ? I have long known I don't want to be one of "the old ladies of the choir," meaning I want to stop before I get warbly and grey-haired. And while I'm not "old," I'm sort-of ready to shed that future-persona, already. It's weird. I'm just over it. Being something I really, truly loved to do once, it's a huge change.

2. Blogging. Not even when I gave myself three distinct prompts last time! I owe you stories about football, liver cysts, and detentions. You'll have to wait because I don't feel like it!  

3. Feeling SO nervous when Alex drives. I'm getting used to it. He's now in "his" car, a 4-door sedan, and I think it fits him so much better than my car, a small SUV. He seems more comfortable and it is easier handling than mine, I'll admit. Today he drove carpool to pick Kate up (with me). He's eligible for his license but wants to practice parking/parallel parking a little more before his test. Eeeeeee. This little baby of mine!  

Thanks, Papa Joe, for selling us your car!