The day in between...

Yesterday was a big day. Orientation for Alex at his new high school. HIGH SCHOOL. How do we have a kid in high school? A fourteen-year-old? I mean, it was NOT that long ago when I was fourteen. I remember it very distinctly, remember my first few days of 9th grade, where my locker was, what the combination was (31-1-15 whyyyyyy), all my teachers, the sounds and smells of the buildings... not long ago! Hahaha. Er, 30 years is short! A blink!

Anyway, I took Alex to Orientation and the first test of our fortitude was that the parking situation was terrible. Allll those parents and students, all at once, and guess what? It's a construction year! So half the parking places aren't available. Traffic was lined up to get into the lot, and even when we did, ten minutes late already, there were no spots. I had to let Alex out (good luck, honey! you're on your own!) and go down the street to find a grassy field with some room for my car. It all worked out, I think, and we got some good information during the morning's events. There was a moment later in the day when I could tell Alex was upset. It was after he stood in line and got his yearbook photo taken. He'd been waiting for his 8th grade friend to finish, as well (one of the three people he knows at the school), and waiting a long time apparently. I could see the very beginnings of tears in his eyes, and he said he was just "tired of having no one to talk to." Sigh. It's going to be lonely for a day or three, my boy. Until you meet some people and see them for a few days, and then know them. 

I have hope that his other known friend, Will, is going to have the same lunch period. There's a pretty good chance, and if that were the case, it would once again be God's hand giving us an outright gift. (There have been a few instances of that recently - other moms offering to keep Kate on days I just didn't know what we would do, babysitter-wise, etc.) I would accept prayers and crossed fingers on the lunch topic, from anyone who reads this. xo

Today is the day in-between. I'm at the office and I do hope he's working on his World History assignment -- naturally, the one summer assignment he did NOT complete yet, is his first period class. It's due next Monday.

I've been thinking about how nervous we all were when he started Kindergarten, and how that experience led us to this one. We've "started a new school" once before, and it became home. We can do it this time, too. 

Tomorrow's Day One. He'll take the bus for the very first time, and he told me not to walk with him to wait for it. He said it kindly, don't worry, and I get it. It may rain. :( More prayers for clear skies, at least at 7:40 am and 3:55 pm. He has money on his student lunch account, so he can buy something fun (pizza! nachos! chicken tenders! all the options we did not have in parochial school, for the low, low price of $2.60!). He has an idea of where to go. Shawn and I can't help but coach him; we both keep saying "just do..." and "just remember," and I'm sure it's driving him crazy. But here we are. 

Inside My Mind on a Quiet Sunday

I got myself into a little mental spiral yesterday, after leaving the kiddos at Susan's (MIL) for the week, and having 4+ hours of quiet time in the car trip back home. Here are a few of the things I was mulling over (and over and over and over):

1. When will it be our TURN, to live a more relaxing life? I don't mean winning the lottery  necessarily, or living a life of luxury. Because, as Shawn and I discussed last night, that would only lead to a different set of stresses. And we have a good life already. What I mean is, when will we be able to have a daily round that has more EASE? I feel like this summer has turned out to be very busy and slightly stressful day to day, after a school year which was also busy and stressful. I'd like to have the opportunity to just BE sometimes, and not always DO. To not have a tasks list. I'm grateful for this good life, but, you know?? Do we have to wait until we're retired? That doesn't seem fair.

1a. Am I allowing too many extracurriculars? Would cutting those back help me feel better? I have an opportunity to do so, here with a choir director leaving (again). Perhaps that's the first thing that should go - my choir commitment. And possibly Kate's. That's at least 2 nights of more ease, plus Sundays, so...probably. Yes.

2. Are we providing a good life for our kids? Is this life, which feels stressful to me, also stressful to them? Have they had a good, or a stressful, summer? (If it's been stressful for Alex, I can at least lay some of the blame on high school. He has an unreal list of summer homework and I'm mad about it.) We're doing our best. Is it good enough?

2a. Has leaving them at home alone so much this summer, so we can work, been the right thing to do? Has it made them feel abandoned? Or has it, on the other hand, helped them develop the skills of independence, time management, and self confidence? Taught them the value of hard work (seeing Shawn and I work hard) (and also helping with some chores every day while we're gone - simple things like litter box duty and laundry and loading/unloading the dishwasher)?

3. Do we need to move one grandparent or the other set up here closer to us? Will we, eventually? How will we even do that? How many weekends would it take to clear out and sell Susan's house? Or would she rather stay with her friends down there? I suppose the latter. I guess I started thinking about this because being in her house is so unpleasant, unfortunately. Wouldn't it be nice to get her into a nice, new living situation, for our sakes? 

4. How can we be better at communicating with family? We need to FaceTime with grandparents (and Aunt Jane) (and what about other aunts, uncles, cousins?) more often. We should do it during dinner, once a week, pick someone and call, so we all get to talk with them. Doesn't matter that dinner is supposed to be device-free. This would be better than NOT calling. Susan gave Shawn a little dig about not visiting more than once a year, and it hurt a little. We do the best we can. It goes back to #1, we're just always so busy. Even on weekends. When we do get a 3-day weekend, gosh, sometimes we just need a fricking DAY OFF. And I feel like this is not abnormal -- that every family with kids in school has this same schedule, this same level of busy. But I/we feel bad that we DON'T visit more often. (Nor do we visit Pensacola very often. Or, ever.) And it sucks that we NEVER seem have 2 full weeks -- or even one full week -- left at the end of the calendar year, for holiday trips. Never. We carefully ration our vacation days, and still, we can't get away for holidays in December. Also, we sometimes don't want to travel during the holidays, and then we're made to feel bad about it by some people.

I guess that's enough. My brain is tired. Overall, everything is fine, of course. Exactly as it's meant to be. But I got all thinky, and these are the things that bubbled up to the surface.

June, and now July!

I can't believe it's been so long between blog posts. But A LOT has been happening -- I mean, a LOT. June simply didn't slow down, not even when we ditched the kids at WinShape for 2 weeks. Er, lovingly dropped them off.

Much of my own "busy" was at work. It has just been non-stop. We had a Sales Meeting to prep for and then attend (11-13th, I stayed in a hotel down by the airport). We had an impossible deadline to meet, launching brand-new microsites in 4 different countries. Then they decided to throw in a PR campaign for said websites (2 press releases to write and several meetings to talk about how to manage the PR). More immediate deadlines. Then I don't even know what-all.

It made it a little harder that I had signed Kate up for a day-camp the week of June 18th. Oh, summer day-camps, how I hate thee. It is so unhelpful to have camps that begin at 9:00am and end at 3:00pm. I guess the SAHMs find those times perfect, but not this mom. No offense to the SAHMs. (Dear Kate, I advise you to become a teacher.) I brought her to my office most of those mornings. She was good as gold, actually, and I had worked out some carpools with friends, but it still complicated my week somehow. I also had an offsite, all-day meeting one of those days. WHY!? Gah. Extra shuffle, Shawn took her to work and to camp that day, and Carli helped with some afternoon pickups, too. Oh, also also, one of those days included dentist appointments for both kids, and since Alex had brought home a cold from Winshape, I went ahead and scheduled a doc appt for him, too. WHIMPER. I "worked from home" that day, which I love to do, but... after toting my laptop around town, sneaking in a half-hour here and half-hour there, I was mentally and physically exhausted by Friday. Mostly mentally. Had a touch of a breakdown, in fact, when I hit my head with the vacuum (because why not, let's also vacuum the house before we leave town, we don't have enough to do). It HURT, and I cried.

Thank GOODNESS we left for the beach the next day. And we did nothing, zero, zip, zilch at the beach for a week. It was a memorable year for that reason, and for the kids' parasailing adventure with Papa Joe (poor Alex got sick from the boat on choppy waters), and for the reason of having no extra uncles/cousins/people to entertain. Hooray! I read 3 books: Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff (pretty weird, but interesting enough and well written); New to Me by Linda Sharps (the best! Laugh out loud funny); and then Return to Sullivan's Island by Dorothea Benton Frank (perfect easy (almost wrote 'dumb') beach read with a kind-of surprise ending).

Which brings us to now! This week the kiddos have been at Mom and Dad's for "Camp Grandmommy." And none of us knows what is going on with Kate, but she has called us and cried that she misses us (and she's scared of thunderstorms) nearly every night. WTH?! She's been going to their house since she was four years old with hardly a backward glance. The only thing I can figure is different this year is that she's ten, and maybe has some pre-teen hormones swirling around making her inexplicably weepy. Right? Surely that's it. She was weepy for 3-4 days after we returned from Seattle, too, missing it, overly sad it was over. So that has been weird, but they're having a great time, I think. Playing with the cousins, swimming a bit, shopping, movies, pedal/paddle boats, and today a ferry ride across the bay. I'm so grateful to my Mom and Dad for enduring the moody one, and for hosting/feeding/entertaining both of them.

We pick them up tomorrow, if I can get through one more day at the office. Then a quick weekend -- including Alex's 14th birthday on Sunday (WHUT?!) -- and then back at it.

Next post may just be about the first week of school. Whatever happened to deliciously long summers?? Sigh. These poor kids don't know what they're missing.