1. I'm thankful for the sweet, hot goodness of coffee every morning.
2. Thankful that the rain stopped just enough this morning that I didn't get wet walking to the front door of the office.
3. Thankful for job security, even though it means I have SO MUCH CRAP TO DO, more than 1 job's worth.
4. So, so thankful for my girlfriends. THey let me say what I feel, they dont mind if I say something that I later feel was really stupid-sounding, and wow, can they cook.
5. So, so thankful for my husband. He did bathtime and bedtime duty last night, and will again tonight, so that I can do things I love like Book Club and choir. I love you, DH, and you get the night off Friday, PLUS a glass of wine.
Thursday, September 30
Wednesday, September 29
Survivor Story
I’m compelled to share: My 6 year-old son NOW EATS BROCCOLI. Steamed. With a shake of salt and pepper, and nothing else.
He even LIKES it. Willingly finishes his entire serving.
I would not kid about this. It’s meant as a little life-preserver of HOPE for all you mommies of 2 and 3 year-olds (or 6s or 7s) who refuse to eat anything, especially anything good for them. He was once like that.
Steamed broccoli, people. For the Win!!!!
(We started with the frozen-in-cheesy-sauce variety. It appears to have worked.)
He even LIKES it. Willingly finishes his entire serving.
I would not kid about this. It’s meant as a little life-preserver of HOPE for all you mommies of 2 and 3 year-olds (or 6s or 7s) who refuse to eat anything, especially anything good for them. He was once like that.
Steamed broccoli, people. For the Win!!!!
(We started with the frozen-in-cheesy-sauce variety. It appears to have worked.)
Tuesday, September 28
Cheesy (but Helpful) Gratitude Lists
I was bogged down yesterday by a crummy mood (don't you love the word 'crummy?' it's so innocent). I drove home at lunch to eat peanut butter and jelly on squishy white bread -- for some reason it was the comfort food I craved in that moment. (With Cheeze Its and a Diet Coke w/lime.) After I ate, I curled up in a blanket on the couch for 20 minutes. It helped a bit. I wasn't tired, but I needed that "power-down" time.
Anyway, I'm writing something for work that reminded me: I want to start recording my 5 things again. I know it's cliche, but I believe that it works to change bad attitudes. So, here goes. I'm grateful...
1. for working close to home when I need a break like yesterday
2. for the rain!! we have needed it, and it made things seem cozy
3. for cooler temperatures. Such a relief after the unrelenting heat.
4. for working in an air conditioned office, even during unrelenting heat (thank goodness)
5. for my amazing Mom whose birthday was yesterday! ya-ya-ma! I'm so thankful to have her in my life.
Anyway, I'm writing something for work that reminded me: I want to start recording my 5 things again. I know it's cliche, but I believe that it works to change bad attitudes. So, here goes. I'm grateful...
1. for working close to home when I need a break like yesterday
2. for the rain!! we have needed it, and it made things seem cozy
3. for cooler temperatures. Such a relief after the unrelenting heat.
4. for working in an air conditioned office, even during unrelenting heat (thank goodness)
5. for my amazing Mom whose birthday was yesterday! ya-ya-ma! I'm so thankful to have her in my life.
Thursday, September 23
Of sighs and whispers
I’ve been trying, at least this week-ish, to be more fully present in the moments, especially the ones with the kids. I know I mentioned particularly that on Thursdays I only get to be with them for a couple of hours total, all day. I need to stop reminding myself of this because when I type “couple” it makes a stabbing pain right in my heart. But that’s not the point, the point is the Moments. Whether we’re reading or playing, or looking at pictures on the iPhone, I’m just wanting so much to enjoy them and be my best self during them.
It’s getting harder with AJ because one, he’s a jumping, squirming, knees and elbows and head-butting wonderful boy. When he tries to climb up on me for hugs and cuddles I have to watch out for my spleen. And he always manages to grind his kneecap into my femur. But he’s still up for hugs and cuddles so I try not to complain. And two, his playtime is so complicated now. He asked me yesterday to please play Jack and Annie with him. So I tried to be Annie, but I don’t remember these books word for word, and he apparently does. He gets mad when I try to use my imagination and say, “Ooh, Jack, here’s a BUG! Maybe Merlin needs it?”
“MOOOMMM, there wasn’t a BUG in book nine hundred and eleven, [siggghhh].” Or else it's a Bakugan battle, about which I only know, "Bakugan, STAND." And that's not nearly enough for him. ;)
But with KT, it’s a bit easier. She likes to lay on the bed together, nose to nose. Sometimes we giggle, sometimes we sing (current fave is Jesus Loves Me, which just sends sunshine through my veins), most times we pretend-bite each other’s necks, and get each other’s sugar, and play with each other’s hair. It’s delectable.
And last night – she’s been waking up in the middle of the night again, either from some molars coming in, or just because she thinks it’s fun – we lay in the dark, trying to wish sleep’s heavy return (at least I was). Everything’s hazy and in whispers but I do know that she, at one point, brushed my hair back from my face, like I do for her when I lay her down every night, and patted me on the shoulder with her soft little fingers. And that pat... wow, do I ever treasure sweet moments like those.
It’s getting harder with AJ because one, he’s a jumping, squirming, knees and elbows and head-butting wonderful boy. When he tries to climb up on me for hugs and cuddles I have to watch out for my spleen. And he always manages to grind his kneecap into my femur. But he’s still up for hugs and cuddles so I try not to complain. And two, his playtime is so complicated now. He asked me yesterday to please play Jack and Annie with him. So I tried to be Annie, but I don’t remember these books word for word, and he apparently does. He gets mad when I try to use my imagination and say, “Ooh, Jack, here’s a BUG! Maybe Merlin needs it?”
“MOOOMMM, there wasn’t a BUG in book nine hundred and eleven, [siggghhh].” Or else it's a Bakugan battle, about which I only know, "Bakugan, STAND." And that's not nearly enough for him. ;)
But with KT, it’s a bit easier. She likes to lay on the bed together, nose to nose. Sometimes we giggle, sometimes we sing (current fave is Jesus Loves Me, which just sends sunshine through my veins), most times we pretend-bite each other’s necks, and get each other’s sugar, and play with each other’s hair. It’s delectable.
And last night – she’s been waking up in the middle of the night again, either from some molars coming in, or just because she thinks it’s fun – we lay in the dark, trying to wish sleep’s heavy return (at least I was). Everything’s hazy and in whispers but I do know that she, at one point, brushed my hair back from my face, like I do for her when I lay her down every night, and patted me on the shoulder with her soft little fingers. And that pat... wow, do I ever treasure sweet moments like those.
Friday, September 17
Balanced
I’ve been reading Linda’s latest news with great interest, having always identified with her in certain ways. One, because I found her when her oldest son was first-born, and my own AJ was 1 year old. Two, because she also had a long commute, and was (is) a working mom. Six years ago, I, too, was driving more than 40 minutes to and from a job that was less-than-fulfilling (but had wonderful people!). So I stayed there and stayed there until circumstances finally combined in the right way that I could leave.
Linda has taken the leap that so many of us bloggers think about from time to time to a freelance writer working full-time from home, staying with her kids. I am so thrilled for her. If anyone deserves writing success, it’s her. Naturally part of me is a smidge jealous, but a MUCH smaller percentage than would have been, 2 years ago. Her announcement has made me feel proud, actually, that I have also taken steps to remedy what was a somewhat "soul-sucking" situation.
1. I now have a much more pleasant 7-mile commute. My office is located in the same suburb as my home and my kids’ schools, the way God intended.
2. I made it clear when I was hired here that I was not available for travel, and I asked multiple times if my position required it – the answer was always “No” from the particular manager who hired me. (It still comes up from time to time with other managers, but I’m trying very hard to stick to my guns about it.)
3. We’re rocking flex-time. It’s not perfect by any means. Thursdays have become especially long now that I’ve rejoined the choir: I’m out my door at 6:15am and not home for good until 9:15pm, and that means I only see KT for about an hour and a half total on Thursdays. But overall the plan works. I’m able to pick up AJ, do homework, get dinner started, and sometimes even more in the afternoons.
What I'm saying is, I’m happier with my work-life balance than I have been in a long time. Not that I’m finished complaining about it all -- I agree with Linda that the system is so flawed -- our need/greed for THINGS with accelerated growing costs, like expensive higher education, expensive homes, and all the other trappings that have us trapped. I also have this odd desire to tell my daughter, someday, to consider becoming a nurse or a teacher, because those 2 jobs seem, to me, to offer the best working hours options for moms -- now isn’t that backward? The only jobs women were "allowed" to do for so long. Feminism, whah? But maybe that is finally starting to change. Maybe a Mom can successfully be a full-time writer/editor/marketing-office-worker, on her own scheduling terms, and enjoy both of her jobs.
I have to hope so.
Linda has taken the leap that so many of us bloggers think about from time to time to a freelance writer working full-time from home, staying with her kids. I am so thrilled for her. If anyone deserves writing success, it’s her. Naturally part of me is a smidge jealous, but a MUCH smaller percentage than would have been, 2 years ago. Her announcement has made me feel proud, actually, that I have also taken steps to remedy what was a somewhat "soul-sucking" situation.
1. I now have a much more pleasant 7-mile commute. My office is located in the same suburb as my home and my kids’ schools, the way God intended.
2. I made it clear when I was hired here that I was not available for travel, and I asked multiple times if my position required it – the answer was always “No” from the particular manager who hired me. (It still comes up from time to time with other managers, but I’m trying very hard to stick to my guns about it.)
3. We’re rocking flex-time. It’s not perfect by any means. Thursdays have become especially long now that I’ve rejoined the choir: I’m out my door at 6:15am and not home for good until 9:15pm, and that means I only see KT for about an hour and a half total on Thursdays. But overall the plan works. I’m able to pick up AJ, do homework, get dinner started, and sometimes even more in the afternoons.
What I'm saying is, I’m happier with my work-life balance than I have been in a long time. Not that I’m finished complaining about it all -- I agree with Linda that the system is so flawed -- our need/greed for THINGS with accelerated growing costs, like expensive higher education, expensive homes, and all the other trappings that have us trapped. I also have this odd desire to tell my daughter, someday, to consider becoming a nurse or a teacher, because those 2 jobs seem, to me, to offer the best working hours options for moms -- now isn’t that backward? The only jobs women were "allowed" to do for so long. Feminism, whah? But maybe that is finally starting to change. Maybe a Mom can successfully be a full-time writer/editor/marketing-office-worker, on her own scheduling terms, and enjoy both of her jobs.
I have to hope so.
Monday, September 13
Temper Tantrum
I had a bad afternoon/evening of whining kids and obnoxious kids -- kids who were off their routine specifically because I dragged them off to the mountains for a weekend with MY friends, during which I didn't get nearly enough sleep in order to HAVE FUN andstay up late and drink wine and ENJOY myself.
So last night after one of those, "Child, do NOT do That Thing one more time, do you hear me? Keep your hands to yourself and I mean it!!"
"That thing. [hands flailing]"
I yelled in the WORST way and was a raving lunatic right there in front of both kids' faces. Their voices became very small and their movements hesitant. After kissing them mightily to bed, I gave myself a Time Out in the hot shower, and I cried. I dealt with the parenting shame spiral until my own bedtime, and was so grateful to be given another chance to do better this morning. So, so grateful. I pray I'll do better.
I just wish I could learn this most difficult lesson, once and for all. But I don't think it works that way.
So last night after one of those, "Child, do NOT do That Thing one more time, do you hear me? Keep your hands to yourself and I mean it!!"
"That thing. [hands flailing]"
I yelled in the WORST way and was a raving lunatic right there in front of both kids' faces. Their voices became very small and their movements hesitant. After kissing them mightily to bed, I gave myself a Time Out in the hot shower, and I cried. I dealt with the parenting shame spiral until my own bedtime, and was so grateful to be given another chance to do better this morning. So, so grateful. I pray I'll do better.
I just wish I could learn this most difficult lesson, once and for all. But I don't think it works that way.
Thursday, September 9
Notes for 2019, when I finally get to the Baby Book
KT has dimples on the backs of both shoulders. They are adorable, and barely noticeable except in summer when she’s wearing sleeveless shirts. I want to remember those. I should take a picture.
(I don’t remember if AJ had any particular dimples. sad face)
KT also has one teeny, tiny freckle on her right hand. She LOVES that freckle. I, myself, have a whole armful of freckles, and so she has asked where hers are. I remember when she found this little itsy speck of a freckle during a bedtime story in the rocking chair, she was so happy. She sometimes forgets what it’s called, and tells me it’s her “sprinkle.”
It must be about time to remove the rails on her crib to make a toddler bed. At 2 and a half, most mornings she wakes up laying perpendicular, with her feet hanging out through the slats. Hee hee.
She asks for chocolate milk (warm) the minute she wakes up, and the minute she gets home from daycare. Sometimes forgets to HUG MAMA, so focused is she on that chocolate milk. Lately I’ve been using sugar-free chocolate syrup.
She eats more than Craisins and ketchup these days, but not much more. Hot dogs, French fries, cheese pizza (no pepperoni!), oatmeal, corn and yogurt are her favorites. And obviously ice cream and cookies. Did I ever tell you she opens her Oreos? She was never shown to do that – came up with it by INSTINCT – and she only eats what she calls the “cream.” She leaves the apple peels, but eats the ‘meat’ on apples. Still No on PBJ and mac-n-cheese. Both kids have been slow learners on those 2 favorites.
Dora is her favorite right now. Loves to read it and watch it on TV. (I hated Dora when AJ was a toddler, but have been surprisingly glad to have “Bate, bate, Choc-o-late!” back in our lives.) She received a big Dora story book earlier this summer, and it’s all she has wanted to read. I’m so sick of “Little Star” that I actually sort-of miss Elmo’s Get Up and Go Songs.
In TV-land, we had to correct a mistake we’d made in letting her brother (and therefore, her) watch iCarly. She spent a couple of weeks requesting it. “iCawly, Mommy? iCawly on?” Cute, but definitely inappropriate for a 2-year old. And a 6-year old. Parental controls to the rescue.
Some of her best words/phrases right now:
“Yes, I m’am.” Means “Yes, I am,” usually said in opposition to whatever I’m telling her. “KT, you are not looking at your toes, are you?” “YES, I M’AM.” (Oh, yes, she loves to inspect her toes for “dirt.” She will do this for 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes it’s handy – keeps her quiet! But it’s weird.)
“So much.” She misplaces this in sentences, like, “Mommy, I so much didn’t get Dora wet all day today.”
“M-M-Ms.” You know it’s a keeper when it changes the way your whole family refers to an object. M&Ms are now M-M-Ms at our house, just like “Loo-Loos” from AJ’s babyhood, and the nickname of our dog, from my cousin’s baby Anna.
“I’m leaving yooo...” When she wants me to go somewhere and I don’t immediately follow her. I think I accidentally taught her this one. Heh.
“Walkie-walkie.” I have to report on this for the baby book, although the phase has mostly passed. In June during our beach vacation, my Dad’s cousin Bill, a grandpa himself many times over, teased KT by pretending he had something in his pocket. He’d take his hand out to reveal...his “walkie-walkie.” By which means he’d “walk” his fingers over to tickle... and DELIGHT her. She adored the walkie-walkie, and therefore Bill, and the whole family picked it up. We still sometimes bring out our own walkie-walkies when we’re coaxing a smile out of her, and SHE likes to do it to us, too.
MY KID IS THE CUTEST ONE. ;)
(I don’t remember if AJ had any particular dimples. sad face)
KT also has one teeny, tiny freckle on her right hand. She LOVES that freckle. I, myself, have a whole armful of freckles, and so she has asked where hers are. I remember when she found this little itsy speck of a freckle during a bedtime story in the rocking chair, she was so happy. She sometimes forgets what it’s called, and tells me it’s her “sprinkle.”
It must be about time to remove the rails on her crib to make a toddler bed. At 2 and a half, most mornings she wakes up laying perpendicular, with her feet hanging out through the slats. Hee hee.
She asks for chocolate milk (warm) the minute she wakes up, and the minute she gets home from daycare. Sometimes forgets to HUG MAMA, so focused is she on that chocolate milk. Lately I’ve been using sugar-free chocolate syrup.
She eats more than Craisins and ketchup these days, but not much more. Hot dogs, French fries, cheese pizza (no pepperoni!), oatmeal, corn and yogurt are her favorites. And obviously ice cream and cookies. Did I ever tell you she opens her Oreos? She was never shown to do that – came up with it by INSTINCT – and she only eats what she calls the “cream.” She leaves the apple peels, but eats the ‘meat’ on apples. Still No on PBJ and mac-n-cheese. Both kids have been slow learners on those 2 favorites.
Dora is her favorite right now. Loves to read it and watch it on TV. (I hated Dora when AJ was a toddler, but have been surprisingly glad to have “Bate, bate, Choc-o-late!” back in our lives.) She received a big Dora story book earlier this summer, and it’s all she has wanted to read. I’m so sick of “Little Star” that I actually sort-of miss Elmo’s Get Up and Go Songs.
In TV-land, we had to correct a mistake we’d made in letting her brother (and therefore, her) watch iCarly. She spent a couple of weeks requesting it. “iCawly, Mommy? iCawly on?” Cute, but definitely inappropriate for a 2-year old. And a 6-year old. Parental controls to the rescue.
Some of her best words/phrases right now:
“Yes, I m’am.” Means “Yes, I am,” usually said in opposition to whatever I’m telling her. “KT, you are not looking at your toes, are you?” “YES, I M’AM.” (Oh, yes, she loves to inspect her toes for “dirt.” She will do this for 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes it’s handy – keeps her quiet! But it’s weird.)
“So much.” She misplaces this in sentences, like, “Mommy, I so much didn’t get Dora wet all day today.”
“M-M-Ms.” You know it’s a keeper when it changes the way your whole family refers to an object. M&Ms are now M-M-Ms at our house, just like “Loo-Loos” from AJ’s babyhood, and the nickname of our dog, from my cousin’s baby Anna.
“I’m leaving yooo...” When she wants me to go somewhere and I don’t immediately follow her. I think I accidentally taught her this one. Heh.
“Walkie-walkie.” I have to report on this for the baby book, although the phase has mostly passed. In June during our beach vacation, my Dad’s cousin Bill, a grandpa himself many times over, teased KT by pretending he had something in his pocket. He’d take his hand out to reveal...his “walkie-walkie.” By which means he’d “walk” his fingers over to tickle... and DELIGHT her. She adored the walkie-walkie, and therefore Bill, and the whole family picked it up. We still sometimes bring out our own walkie-walkies when we’re coaxing a smile out of her, and SHE likes to do it to us, too.
MY KID IS THE CUTEST ONE. ;)
Thursday, September 2
The Mountains
We’re going to the mountains in a week. A group of my college friends has planned a get-together, families included. We’re all going to pile into a (rather large) home in Highlands, NC, for 2 days and 2 nights.
I am pretty excited about this, for a number of reasons. One, these are my dear friends, some of whom I haven’t seen since they moved away to Virginia in 2002. I’ve not met some of their children, nor have they had a chance to meet mine. Two, the friends who DO still live in town, I NEVER GET TO SEE! It’s crazy how life changes and friends get married and develop new friendships and lives, and boom, we go months (years?) with hardly any contact. The friends I had class/lunch/parties with every day in college. Three, I took a day off work, and what can I say, that excites me.
I’m thrilled to take the kids somewhere with a mountain landscape. I don’t know if we’ll do much outdoor activity – I think there’s a lake on the property but I’m unsure – but I just want them to SEE it. To breathe it. I know AJ is old enough to remember it later, and I crave memories like this for both of them. FUN things that we did as a family. Scenery. And other, new kids to play with, whose parents are important to me. I'm eager for a photo of all the kids together. I have memories like this: Once, my family went to Colorado when I was young, with 1 or 2 other families, I think. It’s hazy, but I remember fondly a picnic and a beautiful grassy field.
What’s different about this group of friends is that we were all in concert choir together. Let that sink in for a moment and then let me tell you I was asked to bring my digital piano.... yyyyyeahhhh, we’re THAT kind of group. There’s going to be singing. Late into the night, I suspect. It’s impossible for us to get together without music being involved. And I’m sorry for my own husband and one other spouse, who were not part of that (nor any choir). But in fact, it’s fun even if you’re not singing.
I have always felt a little less musically talented than most of these friends. Of the 8 of us, two are music teachers with masters’ degrees, and one is an opera singer (his real job, not a hobby). 3 others sing in their cities’ civic choruses. Me? I haven’t even kept up with the church choir. Last time we got together, it was less fun for me to contribute parts and harmonies as it was to just LAUGH at the fact that we were sitting around singing hymms and various Barbershop Quartet tags (yes, we have a Barbershop nerd among us, as well). It’s just fun because it’s a bit ridiculous. Especially when you pair an evening like that with wine. I’m not even kidding, DH, the fun part is the laughter.
I'm bringing Uno cards, and I hope we’ll all have the best time.
I am pretty excited about this, for a number of reasons. One, these are my dear friends, some of whom I haven’t seen since they moved away to Virginia in 2002. I’ve not met some of their children, nor have they had a chance to meet mine. Two, the friends who DO still live in town, I NEVER GET TO SEE! It’s crazy how life changes and friends get married and develop new friendships and lives, and boom, we go months (years?) with hardly any contact. The friends I had class/lunch/parties with every day in college. Three, I took a day off work, and what can I say, that excites me.
I’m thrilled to take the kids somewhere with a mountain landscape. I don’t know if we’ll do much outdoor activity – I think there’s a lake on the property but I’m unsure – but I just want them to SEE it. To breathe it. I know AJ is old enough to remember it later, and I crave memories like this for both of them. FUN things that we did as a family. Scenery. And other, new kids to play with, whose parents are important to me. I'm eager for a photo of all the kids together. I have memories like this: Once, my family went to Colorado when I was young, with 1 or 2 other families, I think. It’s hazy, but I remember fondly a picnic and a beautiful grassy field.
What’s different about this group of friends is that we were all in concert choir together. Let that sink in for a moment and then let me tell you I was asked to bring my digital piano.... yyyyyeahhhh, we’re THAT kind of group. There’s going to be singing. Late into the night, I suspect. It’s impossible for us to get together without music being involved. And I’m sorry for my own husband and one other spouse, who were not part of that (nor any choir). But in fact, it’s fun even if you’re not singing.
I have always felt a little less musically talented than most of these friends. Of the 8 of us, two are music teachers with masters’ degrees, and one is an opera singer (his real job, not a hobby). 3 others sing in their cities’ civic choruses. Me? I haven’t even kept up with the church choir. Last time we got together, it was less fun for me to contribute parts and harmonies as it was to just LAUGH at the fact that we were sitting around singing hymms and various Barbershop Quartet tags (yes, we have a Barbershop nerd among us, as well). It’s just fun because it’s a bit ridiculous. Especially when you pair an evening like that with wine. I’m not even kidding, DH, the fun part is the laughter.
I'm bringing Uno cards, and I hope we’ll all have the best time.
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