Miss Independence

 I've just driven myself home after leaving Kate at the Marietta Square, a market/food hall 30 minutes from us (close to her school). She has the day off, and her girlfriends wanted to get together. There is one mom who plans to stay in her car, reading her book, because she lives even farther away than I do and it didn't make sense for her to drive home. For this I'm grateful.

I know that when I was thirteen, which she IS, however much I want to think she is still twelve, I was going to movies by myself (with friends), and to meet at the mall. I know that she is of the right age where this is acceptable. But it still felt very odd to drive away. 

My main concern, however, is that she will LEAVE something behind, as she is wont to do. I can't tell you how many times over the past several years that we have been out shopping, and she'll look up and realize she set her purse/iPod down in a store and left it there. Back to Justice or Claire's we would run-walk, hoping and praying they saved it. When we visited Nashville a few spring breaks ago, she left her Instax camera somewhere, and it was never to be found again. Argh. 

But THIS weekend was the worst. She went to a birthday party in downtown Atlanta (a friend's mom did the driving), and later realized she'd left her purse at the ice cream shop. The mom called he shop to confirm the purse was there, and told me they would stay open until 11pm. All of us live at least a half-hour from town and this was around 7 pm (I truly don't know WHY they chose this particular place for a birthday party, but whatever). So what did I get to do on Saturday night, before I had eaten? Drive into town. Traffic was terrible, and it took us muuuuuch longer than I anticipated. Kate asked me in a text beforehand, couldn't I just go get it and then pick her up from the friend's???? HAHAHA, NO, I texted back. You are going with me. 

And she did. Her utter silence the whoooole way there and back indicated she was feeling the proper amount of mad, whether at herself or at me is unclear. ;) Just kidding, I know she felt terrible; she actually offered to give me some money since I had to drive all that way (when I had planned a nice dinner for the four of us at home). Of course I didn't make her pay me, and I tried not to be mad directly AT her, but... I can't say I was 100% successful. 

Anyway, I believe she has learned her lesson. Nevertheless, I texted her just now: "Phone! Purse! Hoodie! Just your periodic reminder! xxx" 

She replied that she has them. Don't think I won't do it again in 30 minutes. 

Pandemic Diary, Day 365

 Whoa, y'all. One year. 

I remember in the week leading up to March 16, continuously refreshing a Johns Hopkins webpage with a map that had little red dots bursting when new cases popped up. And I remember feeling so bad for the people on the cruise ships that weren't being let off -- remember that? It was contained on cruise ships at first. I remember stocking up our pantry for the first time, not knowing if we would be able to go to the grocery store for 2 weeks (we were able to) -- I bought some EasyMac, ingredients for making chili, some canned fruit, extra soups, and, sort-of inexplicably, some packaged dry pizza dough mix. I remember sewing my first cloth mask, by hand, and tying it around my head with leftover pink shoelaces I had in my craft bin. I felt SO WEIRD that first time at the store wearing it. 

Then I remember the kids being extra diligent in those first weeks last spring, both in their rooms, figuring out Google Meet. They handled virtual school so well. I can't believe we did nearly that entire semester from home. (I know others have done so much MORE online school, with challenges; we really have been blessed that they could go back this year. For posterity, Kate went back in-person, masked and distanced in a very different classroom, in August, Alex not until November, with about 65% of his school opting for in-person.) 

I remember being temporarily furloughed, twice. How hard it was for my manager to tell me, and how I wasn't truly worried, because they said from the first breath that no one would lose our jobs, but that I still felt teary and like a big weight had just landed in the pit of my stomach, after that Skype call. I also still have a letter in my glove compartment -- one they sent out in the early weeks, in case I was ever stopped during lockdown while on my way to the office, which, because we deal with medical devices, was considered essential. We didn't know how strict "lockdown" was going to be. Of course, I never had to use that letter, but how strange to have even had it.

It seems appropriate that as I sit here typing all this, I hear a siren in the background -- an ambulance or police car on its way to do its normal work, but that "emergency" sound giving a perfect feel to all these memories.

I want to say I'm grateful for the year at home. I really am. I think I've tried to remain grateful through all of it. But I can recall at least 2 times when I felt sad enough that I cried about it in the middle of the day. What will this world come to, and what does it mean for the kids' futures... those kinds of worries. Questions that are still unanswered. However, I don't feel overly sad today. Just resigned. Weary of it. Ready to get back to what we know as normal -- with a huge caveat of NEVER going back to the level of busy that we collectively maintained, and never back to a full-time-required-in-the-office job. Ready to sign up for our vaccine slots, once they're available to us. Ready to visit my family normally, without worry. (Worried about the Spring Breakers, in the near-term. Don't screw it up for all of us, 20-somethings.) 

I do want to mark the anniversary in some way. 

I lit a candle today. And I hope the one-year mark is the beginning of the end of this long, long chapter.

Brain Dump: Plants, College-Planning(?) Kid, Covid-Guilt and Impatience

A lot on my mind today; having a hard time focusing or caring about work. (heh, I mean, that's every day, but seems worse today). So, here it is, in all its glory.

1. Want to buy a plant?

Both of our kids' usual activities, though they aren't really "on" this semester, are still doing their spring fundraisers. Both of them are plant sales. The drama club sells hanging baskets only, and the band sells both hanging baskets and flats of annuals. It works out well for me, I guess, because I don't have to go to the nursery or Home Depot and be overwhelmed with choices, which is what happens every time.

Had some success last spring, and I'm looking forward to many of the same successes. BUT: Delivery dates aren't until April 15 and May 1 -- and that's most of spring, including Easter! Bad planning on their part, I say. So do I buy Home Depot plants to tide me over? And then, what, not support the causes?? It's a conundrum. 

2. College planning is going to kill me

My darling Alex is a 2nd-semester junior, and has done the barest, barest minimum of thinking about what he wants to do after high school, and it is driving me crazy. This week he got his PSAT scores (I made him take it one last time in his junior year because I think he could qualify for National Merit Scholarships). He did QUITE well, better than I did on the SAT by more than 100 points, and so he really could take his pick of schools. The one he seems most "interested" in right now -- and by that I don't mean much, because he NEVER talks about this stuff unless I bring it up -- is Georgia State University in Atlanta. Which is a good enough school, and he can go for free because of in-state scholarships. But... I just feel like he could broaden his horizons a little bit. Yesterday I (he) got a recruitment email from Dartmouth. Maybe I shouldn't wish him away -- I mean, Atlanta is right here! He could come home on weekends! But... I'm praying pretty fervently right now for guidance on how to guide him. 

3. Social media is abuzz with vaccination announcements and it's making me feel both guilty and impatient.

Though I WAS quarantined like everyone else in the beginning, and we have definitely had a different year without school activities or church or seeing friends/going out... I haven't locked myself up in a way that "getting out" feels so huge. I see people say, "I got my hair cut for the first time in a year" and, well.... I have been able to continue having haircuts, masked, all along. We went to some football games last fall. I actually have had a few meals in restaurants since they reopened. Not often, but a few. We saw my parents a lot over the summer. (Not since then, regrettably.) I don't know, I just feel bad that other people have had it so much worse than I have. 

That said, I'm READY for my shot and impatient that I can't get it yet. Georgia has just opened up for teachers, medically disabled adults, and parents of medically fragile children. None of those descriptors applies to me. It feels like the longest waiting room ever and that this thing will NEVER, ever be over. 

Hello, March

Can't quite believe it's March already. I'm gearing up to be negatively affected by memory on March 13. I can't believe it's been a year. I just mean, I think I'm going to be sad about it. Alex wondered this morning if, in the future, there will be some kind of national holiday. Day of Remembrance or something. :(  Sad.

It's a Monday, and the first day of the month. That seems clean and tidy. Last night after dinner, the dishwasher was full, and I said, "I like when the dishwasher needs to be run on a Sunday night. It feels neat and tidy." Definitive, anyway, to wake up Monday morning with clean dishes; it's a new start. 

I have nothing particular to share today. We had a good weekend with nothing much on the calendar (as usual). I got my hair done Saturday morning. It took forever. I hate this about my stylist (or maybe it's my hair), but what can you do? When you've been going to someone this long, you can't just leave her and try someone else. You're friends now, you're Stuck. So, the couple of times a year that I get highlights, along with my regular color and haircut, I get to sit in the salon for nearly 3 hours. And she's nice enough -- she's chatty without talking my ear off the entire time -- but it really does feel like a waste of a day.  Later, Kate and I ran around town doing a few errands, but mostly looking for some stuffed animals she's currently obsessing about. She's 13, but I guess I'm willing to let her obsess about stuffed animals -- let her stay little, just a bit longer. ;) 

I also did the grocery shopping. This week, I went in person. It was nice for a change; I've been doing online groceries for a few weeks and I miss the fun of seeing something new, or on sale, and grabbing it. I've not been doing the "grocery store reports" that others are doing, but I enjoy reading them. Our store had breakfast Hot Pockets this week (good! I bought a large box) but no Sausage & Pancake on a Stick (Jimmy Dean). 

Here's a fun development: Shawn's drinking coffee now. When we met, he'd recently been diagnosed with Crohn's, and coffee did not agree with him at all. But he's had some liver issues lately (probably caused by one of his Crohn's medications, ironically), and he read that coffee can be good for liver health. And the coffee does not make his stomach hurt. So that's fun. He's trying all the flavors and now I have to share my Keruig and my half and half! lol I'm just kidding, I'm happy to share. I can't wait for a coffee-house date. 

Last week I had to go to my office THREE TIMES. That is three times too many! There was an issue with my laptop, and I needed to send out a package. But there is some official news: we are moving our office later this year! This is overdue -- the space we're in does not fit our needs anymore, and it's beaten up and pretty cruddy looking. Not that we're hosting clients or trainings or anything lately, but still. I'm a little worried I will lose the privilege of having an office -- I bet I'll go back to a cube or, at best, will share an office with someone else. But, if I'm working from home more, that's less of a problem. I do hope we get new furniture as well. Just a full refresh would be really nice. The only downside of moving the office is... moving the office. I'm sure there are some days of cleaning out and organizing and packing boxes ahead of me, and no one likes any of those things! Budgets are slashed so I bet we'll have to do lots of the work ourselves. I'll have to use the "what can we look forward to?" technique to get through that process. 

On the home front, here's what we're eating this week: 

Sunday - Turkey breast, stuffing, wild rice and green beans (and cranberry sauce). Why not?! It was delicious.

Monday - Hot dogs and chili, and fries and veggies/dip.

Tuesday - Pork Chops. Not sure yet how I'll cook them. I'm thinking about a Balsamic marinade. Also not sure what to serve them with. The item I wanted (Stouffer's Harvest Apples) was sold out at the store. 

Wednesday - Baking Sheet Nachos. I can't wait for this one. Kate claims she's never had nachos, and I intend to remedy that!

Thursday - Pasta with chicken and broccoli. Some kind of garlic/parmesan thing I will probably look up on the fly. 

Friday - Shrimp Etouffee (and fish sticks, for those who don't like shrimp). I will just need to pick up a loaf of French bread on Friday afternoon. OR maybe I'll get brave and try to make this miracle no-knead bread I keep reading about. ;)