First 2 Days, Done!

The first 2 days of Alex's band camp are done. They were busy ones, with nighttime Events both nights. Hooray, the hard part is over! All we have left are 3 lunches this week and then one noon-2:00 event Tuesday next week. (...Until football starts.) I'm exhausted but happy.

Allegra (my co-director) and I were the last 2 people in the school building yesterday when we left at 9:15 pm. We had a potluck for 250 people in the cafeteria, cleaned it up, including "pulling trash" from all the cans and taking it to the back dumpster (I didn't know the phrase "pulling trash" until these days of volunteering/clean-up duty; very custodial). But I thought, as we walked out the door, THIS is the kind of thing that they always talk about that makes memories -- being out late, being exhausted together, but having accomplished a good thing. I was glad I was present enough to notice.

And Bless Kate: She is enduring this week like a champ. She came with me on Monday to the Directors' Lunch, and was properly bored. So Tuesday she elected instead to stay home in the morning -- she watched Gilmore Girls and made friendship bracelets -- but came with me in the afternoon to set up for the potluck. And she was really helpful -- earned herself a service hour! I know she kind-of hates all the focus on band/Alex; she's not very good at being a "background" character, lol. Next week she gets to go to the beach with her best friend's family and I'm so glad. She'll kind-of be their "special guest" so that will hopefully make up for this week. I did take her thrifting and shoe-shopping yesterday in between events, which was fun! (I had taken the day off work.) She helped me pick out a few things for myself, too. 

When I drive by the practice field at school, Alex is usually supervising his section. In his sunglasses, looking like he's in charge. Makes me so glad to see him developing leadership skills, growing and becoming. It's just one of the very best parts of parenting, isn't it? 

How to handle stress dreams/stress

What happened Friday was interesting. Some of these things are steps I have learned from reading self-help books, particularly Nataly Kogan's Happier Now: Acknowledge your feelings. Let them be felt. Find gratitude. Ask for help. Accept help.

Others of these things cannot be explained by science. They're either coincidental, or they're proof of God.

1. I had the stress dreams and woke up stressed.

2. I acknowledged the stress, to myself and to Shawn, and then here.

3. I found things to be grateful for anyway in my journal, as I do every day.

4. I wrote an email to the pizza place I am trying to secure as a band sponsor, feeling anxious/nervous about it, and sending it off with a wish and a prayer. (Nothing to do with anything, but got one task off my plate, relieving some of my stress.)

4. I asked for help in prayer, preceded by reading the Bible app Verse of the Day. The verse was Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.' 

5. I cried actual tears at this immensely directed-to-me message from God, Himself. 

6. I tried to then enjoy (accept) the feeling of being heard and helped. 

7. I felt a bit better. :)  I had other moments of feeling panicky during the day Friday (weirdly; I imagine a big shot of sugar that I had at lunch had a lot to do with it), but I took my time, took deep breaths, and ... yeah. Got through it. 

Stress Dreams

I had 3 different stress dreams, maybe 4, last night. Want to hear about them? No, I'm sure you don't. But I want to record them, for some strange reason. Maybe just to clear my head. 

1. Tornado. Big, dark grey swirling storm was visible and then was clearly a large tornado and clearly coming for the 4 friends I was standing with. We were outside a strip mall. Obvs we went inside, opening the glass door of a little cafe-type place, but the glass door and another big glass window meant we could still see the storm approaching. The only thing I could do was grab onto the legs of what was right in front of me, a cheap coffee table. I woke up before it carried anyone up into the swirl, but it was on top of us for sure.
2. Driving dream #1. Going down some odd red-brick road. I don't remember being in a car but I was moving forward, and then suddenly the road tipped upwards into a steep hill, and next thing I knew I flipped over and was face down on the bricks.
3. Band camp dream. I am chaperoning at the high school. (Alex's actual band camp starts in 10 days.) It's indoors and I'm having to find my way around the enormous hallways to a back-building theater. My Mom is also a chaperone, and doesn't know what to do, and Kate is there with us. The kids I'm supposed to be chaperoning aren't where they're supposed to be; the director asks me to do some errand for him; and then I notice that Kate is missing. I learn later she'd gone in a car with some teen I don't know, to play pickleball (yes, really. Yesterday I saw a sign in front of a church: "Learn to play pickleball! Saturday at 7:00"). I am mad at Kate and give her a stern talking-to about leaving without telling me.
4. Driving dream #2. Alex and I are driving in tandem on the interstate. He is leading. He doesn't take an exit ramp, but I do, then I realize it's headed straight UP (again), a hill but more like a vertical plane.... covered in ice. It is under construction and therefore doesn't connect to anything at the end, but is simply an edge. 

SO YEAH. That was fun. Dreams always sound less terrible when you write them out, but each one gave me panicky feelings and I woke several times.

I have been pretty busy, but haven't felt outwardly stressed, really. Still trying to say Yes and keep the girl entertained in this summer of no day camps. I took her to lunch with a friend yesterday, for example. But this morning when I looked at my planner, I had to laugh. Even though these tasks are not difficult ones, here's what it looked like:

I had thought lunch was at 11:30 but it turned out it was 1:45, which changed the timing of the ribs going into the oven for 2 hours. We baked a cake because it was Alex's birthday. Oh, also, I was supposed to be working a full day yesterday.

I guess that is an accurate indication of the way my mind feels this morning, with lots of things competing for attention. I will also detail them here, also to clear my mind. I apologize in advance. 

• Band Board stuff - must call the pizza place (4th one I've tried) to try to secure a sponsorship
• Need to take a day off work next week, to be available on the day we host a potluck for Band
• I just now remembered I will also need to make something to contribute to that potluck!
• I have to pick up tickets for an event at the bowling alley for the band kids.
• I need to schedule a mammogram.
• I should probably schedule a dermatologist appointment (basic skin check)
• Need to pick up some prescriptions, and get cash
• Wondering how my labs will turn out (cholesterol re-check after being on a statin for 6 months, fingers crossed)
• Kate is bored and not doing her summer homework to my liking, or practicing piano. How much attention do I give it?
• Kate needs me to return/re-order something from lululemon (that I didn't want to buy in the first place, too $$$, but Summer of Yes). Online returns are a PITA and I hate spending money unnecessarily.
• Alex's college planning. He needs to start looking at application dates, academic programs, and campus visits.
• Alex liked GA State Univ. but I don't know that I want him in downtown Atlanta.
• WHEN will we do these other college visits?!
• My actual job; I'm supposed to be going in 2x/week now, but this/next week, that is impossible. (Until school starts again, really)
• Our bathroom is really in need of a cleaning.
• My tomato plant is being gnawed on by chipmunks or birds; after months of tending it, I may get to eat one single tomato from the whole thing (out of ten that were/are growing)

There's plenty more on the to-do list I keep on my phone, but that's the basics. I feel a little better spewing all of it out through my keyboard, and don't expect anyone to offer solutions. I also know I TOOK THIS ON my own self, I have made this bed. I know I said before, if I just keep a positive attitude it'll be fine! Fun! Great! And that is true. 

My brain, however, reminded me overnight that, OH JEEZ, I am handling a lot here. Not to mention planning meals and groceries, lolz.

Welcome to the Back Half of the Year!

Uh, yeah. This year's half-over already!

I did a little review of June this morning in my paper planner and, I gotta say, it was a fast month! One of the things I wrote down as a "win" was this: Being more open to "yes." I haven't mastered that, not by a long shot, but there were a few examples. 

• On a random weekday, Kate asked if her friend Anna could come over to hang out. I would be working a full day at home that day AND we had an orthodontist appointment. But I said yes. Thankfully there was no additional driving for me, so I let her do it, even though it required a bit of set-up and a lunch out that I hadn't planned. 
• When she forgot a critical bag for her trip to Kentucky (stupid of ME, actually), I said yes to fixing it by overnighting the bag to her. Never mind it cost me $160. Never mind she'd only be there for 4 days. We live in the 21st century and things can be overnighted, so I did it. To make her happy.
• When Alex asked to have the whole clarinets section over the DAY BEFORE we left for vacation, during a busy work-week... I let him. He handled most of the setup (all I had to do was make one extra trip to the grocery store and hand him some serving bowls). It helped that he didn't ask me permission for the backyard activity of water balloons, because I might NOT have said yes to that... but actually he and his friends and his sister cleaned ALL of the pieces up meticulously afterwards. 

So even though it kinda makes me feel scattered and unplanned in the moment, saying yes was a good thing about June. :) 

Today I did something else rather spontaneous. I have been harping on Alex to work on his college planning, and he has been, slowly but surely. We set some deadlines for ourselves (him). I really do want him to take the lead but it is like pulling teeth. Anyway, this week he was supposed to start scheduling some campus tours. He asked me last night how, exactly, to do that, and I explained it to him (go to the school's website, look for an "Admissions" or "Visit" link, click it...) The fact that he asked that question made me think mayyyyyybe I need to just go ahead and get more involved. Which.... argh. But whatever. So today I hopped onto one of the websites for a local university, one of his top 6 choices, just to see if what I'd advised him was as EASY as I thought it should be. It was. I clicked "campus visit" and noticed they only had availability TOMORROW for a guided tour -- nothing in August. So I booked it. I asked him first, but good gravy, that was close. I think if we'd waited one more day we'd have had to wait until November. So at lunchtime tomorrow we'll be on a guided college tour! Yay!

Maybe there will be more Yes for the rest of 2021. I mean, I guess that will be up to me and my mindset. "Can-do" attitude goes a long way for motivation, I guess. Fake it 'til you make it. Yes, and.