Can I Still Do This?

It has been a long time, dear Diary. 

There's no good way to catch you up on everything from the past year+, but I've come to another milestone and feel like I need to nod to it in some way. This past Sunday, we dropped off (baby) Kate at college. 

I know, right? Momentous. We are now officially empty-nesters, because the week prior, our college-grad Alex packed up his car, and his girlfriend's car, and a moving Pod on a truck, and drove west for 3 days straight, landing them in California where he will start a job -- in his field, no less -- on August 17.

I just feel like it deserves a full stop.

Just... in a week's time, they're both gone. 

The whole summer in preparation for these things has felt big and ominous -- you might say stressful (!) -- and yet, here I am, on a Wednesday, on my laptop as usual at the kitchen table. The anticipation was worse, I guess, than the actual things. (Not to discount the special misery that was moving Kate in: A 95-degree day in Georgia, a 2:45pm move-in time, the absolute PEAK of the day's temperature and not a cloud in sight, struggling to heft alllll of her stuff up the significant hill to the dorm entrance... Not a lot of fun.) 

But it's a whole different chapter, isn't it? I'm trying to be gentle about it, and to keep acknowledging it, and giving us, in my mind, the credit we do deserve for the work we did to get here. I suppose this whole blog acknowledges that work. It's hard to believe the "kids" phase is really done. They're not kids! I mean, sure, Kate is 18 and still needs us -- even I need my own parents, still! -- but you know what I mean. Kids at home. 

I haven't been super sad or lonely yet, although it is odd to lock the front door and leave it that way, with no one coming through it, or parking in the driveway, anytime soon. I have enjoyed the extra time to myself on the weekday mornings -- have managed to do a 10- or 20-minute workout all three mornings so far, in fact, and I'm grateful to have that time back! And I think Shawn and I will figure out our "new life" pretty quickly, which I look forward to.  

Of course, they'll be back; Kate particularly, on her school breaks, though we know we won't see as much of her as we did of Alex during his college years. She's so social (going through sorority rush right now, in fact) and if her first time being independent is anything like mine was, she will be happy and busy and may have to be reminded to go home for Thanksgiving, honestly! 

But as I sit here watching the bluebirds (my favorites!) come to my bird bath to cool off, I'm anticipating this fall as a very cozy me-season. Time to think, and maybe write, and find other things I love doing. I'm optimistic. (A little bewildered. But optimistic.)

Farming and the First Day of School

We had some landscaping done, including patching up our lawn. Grass has a hard time growing in all the shady areas of our yard, so along with putting down new sod, the crew "limbed up" several trees, even taking down a few, so that a bit more light could get down to the ground. (I loved when the guy said that phrase, "limbed up." Never heard it described that way before.) 

Shawn read that you should water-in new grass quite a lot, so this morning I am playing in the hose/sprinkler, moving it around to all the different patches. I'm choosing to look at it that way, not "getting wet and muddy after already taking a shower," lol. I actually don't mind. Working from home, no meetings, For The Win. I will have to re-do my hair and change clothes before an 11:15 chiropractor appointment, but that's the only person I'm seeing today aside from the fam. (And she's pretty casual, herself.)

Before all the farming began, though, we ushered Kate off to her first day of Junior year! Yes, school starts very early here. Yes, she's so grown, Junior year is some serious business (she has 2 APs this semester, and 2 next spring). For me, the main thing is it's the first year of her driving herself, wahoo! She could have ridden the bus these last 2 years, and she did, a bit, during the first of those... until she decided it wasn't a good look for her. ;) So I had carpool duty. It made for disjointed work-days. I liked getting a little time with her (when she was nice! haha teenagers) but I'm so glad the driving part for me is done. Glad we could make it happen for her to have a car to drive. Nervous for her in the parking lot at the end of the day -- some of those teens absolutely tear out of their parking spaces, I have witnessed. But hoping she will be extra careful, and have plenty of after-school meetings etc., so she isn't leaving during the mad rush. 

Some bulleted thoughts about school this year:

• I agreed to make her lunch today and probably will tomorrow, but after this I'm going to require that she does it sometimes. Girl can't go off to college in a couple years if she can't even demonstrate that she can pack a lunchbox. It is the smallest of things and she can HELP, for the love. (I did kind-of smile putting her lunch together this morning, though. Grapes and a sandwich, just like her first days of Kindergarten, sunrise, sunset, etc!)
• She's planning to carpool with a friend, actually, so she won't be driving every single day, and I'm glad about that, too. We live so close to several of them. But the main reason is they don't want to walk into the building alone. Even if they drive separately, they plan to meet at someone's car before going in. Solidarity, I like it.
• She and that same friend did not make the high school volleyball team. It was a blow, but they got over it quickly. Subsequently, they both also decided not to play club ball next year, nor beach, so that is the end of a little era! I'm not sad about it. Not sad about my pay raise, either, without those club fees! Instead, the two of them have gotten jobs (Smoothie King), and also signed up at Planet Fitness to stay in shape. Heck yeah! I wish I'd been that motivated when I was her age (or ever). Their plan is to go workout after school on certain days, together. I'm proud of them and hope they will enjoy this new life they're creating for themselves.
• She's doing yearbook this year (my heart! one of my THINGS when I was in school!), and her friend group has started a club called Project Dress, where they're collecting prom dresses and somehow going to get them to girls who can't afford to buy their own. It's sustainability along with helping others, and I'm here for it.

Here's to another August - May! 

Re-Org

Not a re-org at my office, just in my brain. 

I'm just finding that I really need to SHIFT my mind, and in order to do that, I need to clean things up. So I have re-skimmed my trusty 2007 productivity book, whose lessons are still useful even if the language ("get a PDA or smartphone to help you!") is a bit out of date. I spent the better part of Monday and Tuesday re-working my digital system (in Outlook), creating new Categories, Sub-Categories and Folders, which I hope to use wisely to block time on my calendar and meet my Objectives! Whew!

It's all a bit exhausting at the front-end, but I feel like the situation of my brain being a constant jumble of to-dos and thoughts has got to change in order for me to function better. The next step is a clean sweep of the old Tasks, as well as an attempt to Zero the Inbox. !!

Just this second, I thought, "Maybe I should take my laptop with me to the volleyball tournament this weekend, and delete emails while there?" Of course it would depend on the wi-fi connection in the giant convention hall... but, hmmm, that could be a good use of some time in-between games that is generally ...very wasted time. 

We have also re-org'd Kate's bedroom. It's been... a project. Understandably, she wanted to upgrade from the "little girl" room she had. It has meant all new furniture, which you wouldn't think is necessary, but it was true her dresser drawers did not open very far, did not hold a lot of clothes, and our girl has a LOT of clothes. She chose the new headboard, dresser, nightstand, and vanity (still to be delivered). It's all really pretty, and today, fingers crossed, we will sell the old bed with its heavy bookcase headboard to an acquaintance from church/school. I'm ready to have the guest room back in some kind of order, as well, since that's where we've been dumping everything in the interim.

Anyway, lots happening over here! It's a Friday as I finish this post, but no rest for the weary --  tomorrow we have the "a.m. wave" for Kate's regionals volleyball tournament, which means we have to leave the house by 6:30 probably. But then we finish by about 3:00 pm, and can come home and crash, hopefully. Only to wake up Sunday and do it again. ;) 

It's May, after all! Every mom's favorite month! 

Hovering: 5 on a Friday

The last 2 days, I find I've been hovering around my blog archives, re-reading old posts and trying to spark something in my head that seems worth writing about... without much success. But I'm here again, and it's a Friday, and I definitely don't feel like opening the spreadsheet that looms on today's work to-do list, so I'm going to give it the ol' college try. 

1. Health 

I mentioned The Blue Zones documentary the last time I posted, and I'm still slightly obsessed with it. I watched the super-short series a 2nd time, in fact, and registered for the "7-Day Reset" since it was only $11. It's not that I want to live to be 100 years old, necessarily, but I am indeed interested in living well, as I age -- living without pain/sickness as much as possible, and with measurable joy. The indication from the Blue Zones is that it's not only the food we eat, although that is an important aspect; but it's also about social interaction, and purpose, and movement and faith/outlook. (Reminds me of Friday Night Meatballs, which intrigued me so much about 10 years ago.) The ideas just appeal to me so much. I feel like we could probably implement them in our family, although we would have a hard time fully eliminating some of the snack foods, processed meat, nd sugary drinks that we all love. For now I'm leaning towards it; hovering around it; feeling curious.

2. Birthday!

This weekend -- tomorrow, in fact -- we are having Kate's Sweet 16 birthday party. She had originally asked if we would rent a cabin in the mountains, and drive her and 5 or 6 friends there to have a party and spend one night. "You and Dad can stay, too," she generously offered! Hahaha! We respectfully declined the whole thing, and I don't know where she got the idea that that was even a possibility (well, I do know: her friend had a little overnight trip to Callaway Gardens for her 16th birthday, which Kate got to attend). Anyway, we said we would sure do a nice party at our house for her, and so that is what we're doing. 

Yesterday we bought supplies. Today and tomorrow will be busy with preparations, I guess, but also she is taking her driving test at 1:30pm. All of this makes me feel a bit panicky, I will admit. But we can do it.

3. Organization and Planning

Related: Lately I am having the hardest time with organization and planning ahead. As in, I'm just incapable of it. I have tried, ohhhhhh, have I tried. I have a new year-at-a-glance calendar at my office, dutifully filled with the known events and dates for which I must plan. I try to set reminders. I have a paper planner. And I've made list after list after mind-map, brain-dump, list. Still, I can't seem to prioritize them properly so that I know, without doubt or distraction, what I need to accomplish on a given day. 

Not having concrete goals is probably a factor. Wisdom says you set the goal, you determine the steps needed to reach the goal, then you start taking the steps. In my current job, though, there are either too many goals, or none at all.

I guess the job is getting done (ish), even without a plan, at work and at home. But I sure would feel better if my mind was organized and on top of things, instead of free-wheeling, usually at the last minute. Here's a good example: Kate and I are going to an out of town volleyball tournament next weekend. I've known about this tournament since October/November. I have a hotel room, my ticket for the weekend, and she is obviously registered. I know it's in Orlando. Beyond that -- nothing. No plans have been made, no tournament website has been studied for details. I'm just going to show up and hope it works out.

I wonder if it's just this season of life? It's possible I've felt this way since Alex was about a junior in high school. Anyway, I don't like it.

4. Kitty kidneys

One of our cats, Ash, is having kidney trouble. This is the third week, I guess, that we've been dealing with it. He was sick and not eating, and now he is a good bit better and eating a little more. An x-ray determined he had some stones or crystals in one kidney, and we paid the exorbitant amount for an ultrasound follow-up. We're waiting on results from that. I'm just ready to be done with the acute management and move on to maintenance (hopefully without any required surgeries). The poor thing. He is mad at me for giving him meds and putting him in his travel crate so many times this last few weeks. 

5. Care less = be happier

Just a reminder to myself! Hope you, too, are carefree and happy on this Friday.

Coming Up For Air

Hey-oh, blog readers! I have been mired in work-work, as you well know, and we're all sick of hearing/talking about it. This is the first time in a month that I've felt the space in my brain to come here to blogger.com. I finally decided yesterday, after a meeting with yet another manager, that no one wants to hear me whine about this anymore. I can feel overwhelmed, of course! It's my prerogative! But no one (particularly at work) has to know. Just go on about the work, get it done, whatever. Note to my family and friends, I may still want to whine to you once in a while. It's necessary to get it out. 

[Just two quick things, though, for my own memory! Our US manager resigned (he who had just become my immediate manager). And now we're in a transitional period with two gentlemen from HQ in Germany leading the way taking the helm (we'll see if they actually "lead"). And also I am required at a meeting in Germany at the end of April! And no one is offering me any promotion or pay-raise! Dear Shawn keeps mentioning indeed.com. He's right to do so.]

I also read somewhere (and was inspired by) the notion that if you're letting your entire mood be dictated by work, you're giving work too much attention/weight in your life. Interesting. I've been pondering that ever since. Maybe I agree. 

ANNNYWAY.... Kate's golden birthday brunch was a success! She did such a good job, with the help of one friend, planning and executing the day. I loved it. I love that she did it herself, the way she wanted. 

Photo wall! Loved this!

She told them all to wear pink/red :)

Heart-shaped waffles *swoon*

So festive!

I tried to stay out of the way and was mostly successful, although I did require that they remember to cut the cake and sing Happy Birthday, which may not have happened otherwise, they were so preoccupied with taking pictures of each other and then reviewing every single shot. ;) 

In other updates, don't ask about the diet I mentioned, it is stalled. Volleyball season doesn't make for good eating habits, and we have been at sports facilities every other weekend, so. Also I discovered an excellent cookie recipe when I needed to use up the rest of the pink and red M&Ms. Whatever. My V8 still sits in the fridge, ha! 

One thing I've been working on is plantar fasciitis, via physical therapy twice a week. It's interesting. While I love having a dedicated hour of basically working out my lower body, I don't love paying for it - PT is expensive and it's the beginning of the deductible year, ugh. We do squats and bridges, some calf stretching but not as much as I thought, and a terrible situation called "Stool Scoots," where I have to use the power of my heel-to-toe motion to move myself across the floor on a wheeled stool. (It's hard!) Nor do I know that any of it is really helping? I can't tell. I guess the intent is to strengthen all the muscles connected to the foot/fascia, but I don't know. I still wake up with foot pain. Mayyyybe it's a bit lessened since starting PT. Mayyyybe I don't have pain as often when I get up from a chair. I'm trying to pay attention but the therapist today said, "Well, it won't be like magic," so that was discouraging. Why can't it be like magic?! 

Still, it's been a good distraction from work, not that I'm talking about that. ;) 

Oh, another new tidbit! I'm ordering from a meal subscription again. Not Hello Fresh, but its cheaper cousin, Every Plate. We've gotten one box and the meals were mostly thumbs up. Not spectacular, but serviceable, and I don't have to shop for every item and that has been a help. Today I made a broccoli-cheese soup from them, for lunch, which was delicious. 

Celebrating Love and Little Victories

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate it. ;) I know there are those who don't, and who don't like it, especially the commercialism of it. I don't like these aspects:

• that restaurants are so stupid-busy on the day, and the weekends surrounding
• that there's pressure to celebrate it, no matter what (like, nowadays you're supposed to go big on SELF-LOVE if you're not IN love, and I mean... just stop)
• that people are lonely
• that I feel like I'll never live up to how I'm "supposed" to celebrate it

Ugh. But I do love and appreciate:

• many opportunities for chocolate
• sweet words from my husband, who is a GEM and I'm keeping him
• spa gift cards from the same, because he is a master gift-giver, noticing when I complain of aches and pains

Today, we are celebrating with volleyball practice (Kate) and the weekly cornhole game (Shawn)! I have a cookie cake ready and waiting for us at 9:00pm when we all see each other again, minus Alex of course, who's having his first Valentine's Day away from home. We will get to see him this weekend when he pops home for a quick visit (with Ashling). ;) It's her birthday on Thursday. 

And it's Kate's birthday tomorrow -- 15 on the 15th! Hard to believe. We can't really celebrate tomorrow, since it's a school/work day. But she has the week off next week, so she's (we're) hosting a few of her high school friends for brunch on Monday. A Pancake Bar, I believe, is the plan. She has such creative ideas [read: gets them from social media], like making a photo backdrop with 9 heart-shaped balloons, if only I will move two framed art pieces from that one wall in the living room, lol. I hope I don't stifle her with my skepticism. I took a half day so I can help her cook and prepare, and then I fully expect to be hidden away in my room for the bulk of the party, because you know teen girls don't want Mom there watching them! (Will I feel under-appreciated? Yes.)

Since my last post, work has calmed down somewhat, now that January is over. I'm finding a little groove, I hope, but I still don't fathom how anyone expects a company with 1500 retail customers (in the US) to "do marketing" with one person on the marketing staff. Make it make sense. 

Still, some little victories:

• I got the 2023 product catalog finished and published
• I created, with the help of a freelancer, the Spring Invitation, coupon and mini-poster
• I have successfully called and conducted some meetings
• I got the 15 swimsuits to FL for the fashion show
• I got two new salespeople trained
• I got the swimwear sales sheet to the sales team
• I wrote the online descriptions for the new products when the ecommerce team refused to take that task over (!! rude!)
• I have shipped out a ton of FedExes to various people who need them (so much shipping gah), and ordered more FedEx supplies
• I have ordered business cards and nametags for people, and an important document from Global; printed and delivered 
• I have processed invoices for payment

I want to remember all of that for posterity. It kicked my butt. 

Moving on! I'm trying again with managing my diet. I bought V8 so it's Serious. This time I'm using MyNetDiary, the free version, to track calories, because food is the hardest part for me but I don't want to give up carbs or sugar completely. I need to eat what I eat, just be mindful of how much. So far it's going well (2 days in). If I need extra help, I plan to pay for the Premium version for a month or two. At the moment I'm in the "LET'S DO THIS" honeymoon phase. I bought new snacks and lots of vegetables. I'm mad at diet culture but still want to feel better in clothes, lose 10 pounds, for my health and to prevent other issues, etc etc blah blah. 

Right after the Valentine's chocolates and birthday cake, lol. Love to you, my bloggy friends!

Sports Lessons

It's about to be club volleyball season again, so last night Kate and I went to her club's gym for Day 2 of tryouts. It was not one bit fun. 

(Well, I was happy to see mom-friends from last season, but the mood of the room was pretty fraught.)

Our club, for whatever reason, conducts tryouts "from the top down." I don't know if all the volleyball clubs do it this way. On Day 1, this means they begin forming their #1 team, a team at the "national" level that will travel to multiple tournaments outside our immediate geographic area. Kate and I prefer a "regional" team, which plays most of its tournaments in the Atlanta metro, but does travel out of town for one tournament (driving distance). And you can indicate, up front, which types of teams you are trying out for (there's also a "local" level which is exclusively in-town tournaments). 

Of course the very most ambitious girls usually want to be on a national team. Kate wants to, too, but for budget and time reasons, that's out of reach for us. I can't justify spending for plane tickets or gasoline, and hotels, 8 or 9 weekends of the spring, plus a final trip to Orlando in the summer. And I can't just take off work whenever I want to on a Friday to go to these tournaments. So we chose "regional" on the sign-up form. It's still stupid expensive at that level, but at least manageably so.

Naturally then, she didn't get picked for the #1 or #2 teams which are national. On Day 2 they started building the #3 regional team. All the girls rotate around the courts and gyms, playing non-stop while the various coaches stand on the sidelines with clipboards and iPads, making notes. One by one, girls get called over by coaches, and there they receive their offer to be part of a team. 

It's brutal. For many reasons. Number one, and my mind has been trying to formulate this thought all weekend, is that we PAY to tryout -- so we pay for the privilege of hoping that we'll get offered the chance to... pay them more money as a member of a team. Highway robbery, no? 

More important than that, though, is that as your daughter is playing her heart out, trying to show off her very best skills, she's seeing her friends and teammates get called over, while she maybe doesn't. If she's not called early in the day, then she knows she isn't being chosen for the higher level teams, which is discouraging. The later it gets, the worse she feels. And yet she has to keep playing her best. 

Anyway, Kate was the very last of her friends to be pulled last night, with about 20 minutes left of the tryout. She was offered a spot on the #5 team, which to her, means she isn't very talented at all. (I argue this point -- the #3, #4, #5, and #6 teams are all "regional," and so I see them as all the SAME level, but Kate does not.) She isn't on the same team as many of her friends from last year (most of whom got offers for the #4 team). So to her, it was a failure. AND YET, as I keep trying to gently point out to her -- some girls in that gym played until the very end and got NO offer. 

Is this the most heartless of systems, or is it just my momma heart that can't take it? 

I hope that in a few weeks the pain of the tryout will blow over and she will be making new friends on her new team, and they will play well together. Sports, man. They're not for the weak.

High School Orientation! and Clothes

Another rite of passage today: Took Kate to Orientation for high school. There isn't too much to tell, really. She was nervous, but handled it. Met one girl in her homeroom (yay!) and saw the couple of kids she knows. She said she feels better after having gone, so the event served its purpose. One day left of summer vacation.

I do love our high school. Today, part of the parent presentation was to introduce our new mascots (our mascot is a bulldog) -- real live dogs in the building, wearing cute little dog-sized football jerseys in the team's colors!   

Moving on: Let's talk for one minute about how GREAT school uniforms are -- or, were, in our case. Kate is most nervous about what to wear every day, and I totally get it. I've been thinking about trying a clothes-rental subscription. Did you know this is a thing? My sister does it. She always has something cute on, and it turns out, she rents all these things! 

You get a box with, from what I can tell, 4-6 new pieces based on your style profile, and you wear them for a month, then send them back. And then you get another shipment! To me it seems like a perfect, chef's-kiss solution for teenage girls who are so fickle in what they like ("in" today, trash tomorrow!) and always want new, cute things. Of course these would be used cute things, but let's not dither over details. I also like that it's that "sustainable fashion" mindset; instead of buying something and wearing it a couple of times and then throwing it away or giving it to Goodwill, you send it back and someone else enjoys it.

Of course I would feel like I wasn't giving equal kid-treatment since her brother definitely was NOT offered such a thing. But boys wear athletic shorts and tshirts every day. Dressing a girl is a different animal entirely. 

It's somewhat expensive -- around $80-90 per month usually. But I don't know... maybe? I have spent an average of MUCH MORE than $80/month on clothes for Kate in the last 4 months. Granted, we've been trying to build a bit of a wardrobe after 9 years of plaid skirts and knee socks. But it seems like this would be a wise investment. I wonder if she would be at all interested. I'm not seeing a "teen" option on any of the sites so far, but maybe that's okay? Better, even, since there would be fewer teeny tiny crop tops that are barely a shirt.

---haha, Edited to add: I mentioned this to Kate just now and she is NOT interested. She says, "That would be so weird." Oh well. Keeping it here in case maybe you are intrigued, dear Reader! :)

Things I'm Excited to Buy

First, though: Graduations!

Last Tuesday:

And last Thursday:

 

We did it! Both kids decorated with Honors, making us so very proud.
I also got Covid. I don't want to talk about it. 

-------------

I have some things on my summer wish list right now; want to talk about them? 

1. A new wall calendar! Our very last St. Joe's school calendar ends in June -- it has been a constant companion on our fridge these last 13 years (!), handy because it already had half of the important dates printed on it. I'm happy because 2022 calendars should be on sale, probably, and I can finally choose a pretty one. (The St. Joe's calendar, while handy, was not pretty in any way.) 

2. A beach-read paperback! I just started The Midnight Library on my Kindle, and I can tell I'm going to like it; however, I will probably finish it before our vacation at the end of this month, and besides, I am not a fan of bringing my Kindle Fire to the beach. Stupid glare. I could go back to using my original Kindle, I guess, with its paperwhite screen... maybe I will dig that thing out and try to charge it and see what happens. But still: A good paperback is the ticket. I have no idea what I want so I might allow myself a fun trip to Barnes & Noble to browse -- one of my very favorite things in the world is to browse a bookstore and leave with something new!

3. Feta cheese. This is silly and small, but I keep seeing "summer salad" recipes online that use orzo and feta (and veggies, of course). I bought the orzo this past weekend but I forgot the feta. The salads seem so delicious and refreshing (just please: no mint) and I need some new lunch inspiration. 

4. New athletic shoes. I've been wearing Asics Women's Gel Venture the last several years in a variety of colors, and I like them, but I'm also kinda ready for something new. I'm trying to be good about buying athletic shoes frequently, because that's one thing my doctor told me about both back pain and foot pain: Wear good shoes. Old-lady shoes. Supportive shoes. So, fine, I'm an old lady. At some event I was at recently, two women were talking about these Hoka One One (?) shoes that seem to be trending; I never know what's on-trend so I was glad for a little insight. I would rather not spend $150/pair, but sometimes it's worth it.

5. All the dorm things! Yesterday Alex secured a dorm room for himself and his roommate, and I've been reading the packing lists and looking at the pictures and trying to start thinking about buying all of that stuff. It's so hard! For one thing, you just don't know exactly what the kid will want, maybe not until they get there and start living there. I guess I should stop right there and just be okay with waiting -- there is such a thing as Amazon Prime, after all. If he gets there and decides he needs XYZ storage cabinet, we can order it and have it to him in 2 days. Also, it's hard having a boy who claims he doesn't really care about rugs or full-length mirrors or comforter designs, when I myself would like his room to end up looking like something the Property Brothers designed -- subtle, yet neat and sensical. Ha! I guess I will hope that he'll develop a Personal Style as he gets older, and until then, a bed with a pillow is truly all he needs (and all there's room for! it's like decorating a Tiny House)!

Next Two Weeks: This Is It!

I joke a lot about Not Planning This Very Well, when my friends marvel that I've got both a graduating high school senior and graduating 8th grader this year. I really did count wrong: When we got pregnant with Kate, I looked at the age Alex would be when she was born (3), and thought, "oh, perfect! He'll be a high school senior when she's a freshman! He can show her the ropes!" I forgot to notice the months, and the schoolyear cutoff month, and all that. Whoopsie. Not that there was anything to be done about it, but it didn't cross my mind again until, oh, a few years ago when Alex actually started high school. "Waiiiit a sec," I realized. "He'll graduate when... oh. Shoot." Haha. 

So anyway, the next two weeks are Pret.ty. Big. for our family. First it's the last week of school... Alex has already been Senioritis-ing his way through this week, since his AP exams are taken, and all the band concerts are finally done. He has his yearbook, his cap and gown (needs ironing asap), the announcements have been sent, and we're mentally moved on to August and his move-in at UGA. (Did I tell you he chose a roommate? He chose a roommate; a kid from band. They're not best of friends, but I think they'll do fine together. It'll be nice to start with someone familiar, maybe. Good family. I'm relieved.)

Kate's teachers are still making them work for it, with a few last projects (one final "hey Mom this is due tomorrow" moment yesterday, Thank You So Much Dear Teachers) and academic days. But the mood is set, we're getting pumped about the 8th Grade Last Day festivities at St. Joe's, and then Hoya Lights at the high school, a night of fireworks and baby pictures that's designed to make moms cry -- again, Thanks So Much, but I really didn't need any assistance there.

This morning I was gathering school-years pictures of Kate for a poster I'm supposed to make for her. It was so fun. And also, of course, heart-squeezing, as I wondered if I've really enjoyed all of these years as much as I should have. Gulp. Probably best not to ponder. But I did enjoy them didn't I?.... I know I tried. I hope this blog shows evidence of me trying. There were some hard years, juggling everything, especially when my work situation made me tense and unhappy. But I enjoyed the Drama club chaperoning for both kids. I enjoyed them having friends over. I enjoyed Kate being funny and little and crazy. I enjoyed the heck out of being a Band Mom for Alex, as you well know. Many more things (I discovered the blog archives this morning and yes, there were happy times. <3)... And I'm SO, SO grateful that God made it possible for me to have a little more flexibility, here at the end of both things, so I can manage it all right now. To wit:

Sunday: Baccalaureate for Alex (which he had never heard of and I had to define for him)

Wednesday next week: Candlelighting Mass at St. Joe's and then Kate's last Vball practice with her class

Thursday: Hoya Lights at the football stadium

Friday: Carpool shenanigans, 8th Grade Vs. Teachers Volleyball Game, picnic, pool party, and Alex's Last Day in High School (typing this just made my throat tight) - I took the day off work

Saturday 21st: Two graduation parties for Alex's friends (overlapping), and Kate's class dance party

Monday 23rd: Grandparents arrive!

Tuesday 24th: Kate's graduation 

Thursday 26th: Alex's graduation

Friday 27th: Alex's graduation party at home (small, family)

I declare that Monday the 30th, Memorial Day, will be a day of napping.

There's Another Plan

Well, it didn't go the way she wanted. 

When she came out of the gym, her eyes were wet but almost convincingly bright, she was trying so hard to keep her emotions in check. The coach spoke to each girl individually, I guess, because she told Kate if she'd had 16 spots on the team instead of 12, there would have been room for her. Told her to improve her speed getting to the ball, and be louder. Kate said she didn't understand how girls who didn't perform as well as she did, got a spot at the callbacks. (Boy, did that one resonate with  me -- I watched SO many theatre auditions go that same way, where the girls who could only kind-of sing got the big roles and I was always, always relegated to the chorus even when I knew my voice was clearer, more on-pitch. Maybe not as loud, but definitely prettier. Sorry not sorry, it was true.)

Anyway, it's a crappy lesson to have to learn, but I guess we all have to learn it somehow. You can't always get what you want. 

I'm proud of her for trying, for fighting her nerves and going for it, and for coming out the other side okay, despite the negative outcome. I talked to her (texted her) about going back next year -- the coach encouraged her to -- and how that would show character and persistence. And I bet a lot of the girls who made it this year were rising sophomores who didn't make it last year but came back. It isn't like marching band, where they can take basically an unlimited number of people -- there are only so many spots. And she asked, "How can I get better over the summer?" which makes me the most proud. The club she played with this spring offers some summer day camps which she can go to, and I bet they offer other things throughout the fall, too. And of course there's next spring's club season.

She's most disappointed, I think, because she had set her heart on this being her "identity" in high school. And that's a really big thing to have to let go of, for now. She probably doesn't even realize that's what hurts. But God's got another plan for her and we'll just have to wait to find out what that is.

Tough thing to parent a kid through, that's for sure. Do not recommend, zero stars. 

Tryouts

High school volleyball tryouts are this week -- last night and again tonight. Our KT baby is 1) old enough for high school (!) and 2) very, very eager to play on the Hoyas' team. Last night went well, despite her nerves. I reminisced about feeling nervous for an audition/tryout. (She had tried to accuse me of not knowing how it feels. Ha!! Hahahaha!) My entire teenage life was about auditions/tryouts! Every musical I ever wanted a role in, and I think there were at least 11 of those, and every single high school year (except the year I skipped) cheerleading. I remember, indeed. The butterflies. The dread. The clammy hands. The having-to-go-to-the-bathroom so many times. I did not envy her last night, you can be sure. 

But she was brave and actually thought it went really well. (Naturally, parents were barred from watching.) The coach had a style she was familiar with, the drills they did were nothing she'd not seen before, and she knows what she needs to show them tonight. 

Doesn't make ME less nervous for her, though! There are 47 girls trying out for about 26 spots on the team. 

Various friends from club volleyball and other places have had their tryouts, as well. Some of the other schools in the area have a 9th grade team in addition to JV and Varsity. Not ours. I wish we did. 

I'm at work today of course, but every time I stop for a minute, I remember what's coming at 6:00 pm and I get a little shiver of butterflies. It's so big. A potentially defining moment, whether she makes it or not, I guess. She should know by the end of the evening. 

Band-tober Continues

So much marching band! Since Oct. 14, they competed in their highest priority BOA competition in Alabama (came in 5th overall and 2nd in their class, which is not their best showing), played/performed at 2 home football games (those are the busiest, with Events feeding the kids both before and after), and had Senior Night, where Shawn and I got to walk out on the field with our Senior for recognition.

I had a painful blister on my heel in that moment because of setting up the Senior Night reception beforehand -- I stupidly wore "nice" shoes for all the pre-game stuff, because I couldn't figure out how/when I would have time to change clothes before the game. Also I hardly ever wear nice shoes anymore, thanks to Covid! [[Side note: The reception came together beautifully despite the early troubles. We had tons of help, we set it up in an odd location (gym lobby) but it looked really nice in the end with our balloon bouquets, the Pinterest-worthy die-cuts Allegra bought, and my idea of Mason jars with twinkle lights inside. We hadjust enough tablecloths. I got some beautiful frosted sugar cookies made, we gave each senior a small gift, and the food was perfect and perfectly estimated -- not much leftover! Best of all, since I am a senior parent, everyone was making a big deal about me NOT helping too much, so once the party started at 6:00, I was allowed to do no more! I enjoyed it!]] No blisters could dampen the joy of being there, celebrating this sweet, talented class of kids. I love that I know a few of them now, can recognize them when they come to sign in for their meals (never thought I would learn their names, like Luke and Davis and Michael and Carter and Ashley and Maggie and Sarah and Lily, and Rocky and Mason and Kate and Zeke). Not that they care who I am, but it's still fun for me. ;)

I am so grateful for the ones whose parents I consider real friends. Like, GOOD friends. Cindy and Dalia and Heather and Teigha and especially Allegra. I had hoped for this additional benefit of Alex being in band, but wasn't sure it was going to happen, especially with last year and Covid taking away all that time we could have been volunteering. We are trying like heck to get Kate interested in band for next year (she doesn't play a marching instrument but could surely play keyboard in the front ensemble, or join the Color Guard - no experience necessary!), just so I can continue hanging out with my friends who have kids younger than Alex. ;) It's a tough sell and won't work, I'm afraid. Kate wants to forge her own path and we understand that. But I'm going to really feel the loss of these daily interactions with these particular friends. I may have to volunteer with them for a few things on the side, next year, and will definitely have to do my best to get them together for lunch or dinner once in a while. I guess we will still go to football games; Kate will want to, and won't want us around her. We'll be free to go sit in our normal section with the band parents. I also think about the future: Who will Shawn and I hang out with once our kids are all grown and gone? At least one set of the band parents I know is a set I'd like to include in the answer to that question (Allegra and Lawrence). 

All this to say, the high school years are VERY short. I know we still have half the year left, but everything from now on feels like it's "the last" thing. The last football game. The last competition. The last Night of Jazz. Sunrise, sunset.

In the meantime! I pulled Kate from her piano lessons. It was a very, very fraught decision for both of us. But last night after having a few weeks off from it, she reassured me, "It actually wasn't that much fun anymore," so maybe I can stop feeling guilty. She had a say in it, don't get me wrong, but she didn't want to be the one to disappoint me or her teacher, so I had to make the call. Maybe it isn't forever -- maybe she will want to go back to it. But the scheduling, combined with her homework load, combined with She Never Practiced, and I mean Never, and therefore she often came away from lessons upset because her teacher was a little hard on her... it just didn't make sense emotionally or financially to continue. 

Her volleyball practices start soon, and she will be glad to get back into that. And basketball for St. Joe's has already started. Sports! Here we come!

This week and last, I have managed some meals. We eat at 7:30 or 8:00 pm, but at least we eat. You know what's getting harder? Keeping all the ding-dang PHONES turned off and away during a meal. Sometimes we'll get to talking, and need to look something up, either about our calendar or something more fun, like a movie quote or the definition of a word, and then, whoops, whoever looked it up has a moment and Snapchat or Twitter is open. I'll continue working on that. The meals are reeeeeal basic, but they still count:

• Easy Chicken Pot Pie with Bisquick topping (a handwritten recipe from a former coworker that calls for cream cheese in the filling, yes, please)
• Dr. Pepper Pulled Pork (not as delicious as I'd hoped it would be, but serviceable- it made a great taco yesterday for my lunch)
• Hello Fresh Carnitas Tacos - a request from Kate and SO yummy
• Crock Pot Loaded Potato Soup (Alex rightly says, "If I didn't know what this is, I wouldn't think it looked very good." It does indeed look like slop, but add bacon, green onions and cheese, and it's *chef's kiss*)
• Oven Baked (from Frozen) Chicken Tenders/Fritters, with a pasta side dish including some  zucchini I need to use
• Bulgogi Meatballs with rice & broccoli (if they ever stop carrying our Bulgogi sauce at Publix, we will be SOL and very sad)

Guess what? We have a trip coming up, right around the corner. We're going (with band of course) to Orlando for a weekend in early November. They'll march in a parade at Universal Studios and then get to play in the park for a couple of days, and we'll be hanging out with Aunt Kimmy and Uncle Art. I'm excited, when I can stop to think about it for a minute. We haven't gotten to go to Orlando in YEARS. On the 2nd day, we're going to Magic Kingdom (the band is staying at Universal). So, without Alex, but he'll have more fun with his friends anyway. Kate's excited about Disney, since all her friends go there all the time and she doesn't. We plan to pack the day and stay for the fireworks show at night, and we know we'll be bone tired but I think it's going to be worth it. 

Let no one say we aren't making memories this year! I'm grateful for a place to record them, here. I sometimes feel like my blog must be so boring, as mostly a recap of the run-around schedule. Why would you read mine when you have one of your own?! I don't take the time for insight or contemplation, or well-written phrases that make anyone laugh or bring a tear to your eye. I wish I were that kind of writer. But right now I'm a memory record-keeper, and that has to be okay.

First 2 Days, Done!

The first 2 days of Alex's band camp are done. They were busy ones, with nighttime Events both nights. Hooray, the hard part is over! All we have left are 3 lunches this week and then one noon-2:00 event Tuesday next week. (...Until football starts.) I'm exhausted but happy.

Allegra (my co-director) and I were the last 2 people in the school building yesterday when we left at 9:15 pm. We had a potluck for 250 people in the cafeteria, cleaned it up, including "pulling trash" from all the cans and taking it to the back dumpster (I didn't know the phrase "pulling trash" until these days of volunteering/clean-up duty; very custodial). But I thought, as we walked out the door, THIS is the kind of thing that they always talk about that makes memories -- being out late, being exhausted together, but having accomplished a good thing. I was glad I was present enough to notice.

And Bless Kate: She is enduring this week like a champ. She came with me on Monday to the Directors' Lunch, and was properly bored. So Tuesday she elected instead to stay home in the morning -- she watched Gilmore Girls and made friendship bracelets -- but came with me in the afternoon to set up for the potluck. And she was really helpful -- earned herself a service hour! I know she kind-of hates all the focus on band/Alex; she's not very good at being a "background" character, lol. Next week she gets to go to the beach with her best friend's family and I'm so glad. She'll kind-of be their "special guest" so that will hopefully make up for this week. I did take her thrifting and shoe-shopping yesterday in between events, which was fun! (I had taken the day off work.) She helped me pick out a few things for myself, too. 

When I drive by the practice field at school, Alex is usually supervising his section. In his sunglasses, looking like he's in charge. Makes me so glad to see him developing leadership skills, growing and becoming. It's just one of the very best parts of parenting, isn't it? 

Miss Independence

 I've just driven myself home after leaving Kate at the Marietta Square, a market/food hall 30 minutes from us (close to her school). She has the day off, and her girlfriends wanted to get together. There is one mom who plans to stay in her car, reading her book, because she lives even farther away than I do and it didn't make sense for her to drive home. For this I'm grateful.

I know that when I was thirteen, which she IS, however much I want to think she is still twelve, I was going to movies by myself (with friends), and to meet at the mall. I know that she is of the right age where this is acceptable. But it still felt very odd to drive away. 

My main concern, however, is that she will LEAVE something behind, as she is wont to do. I can't tell you how many times over the past several years that we have been out shopping, and she'll look up and realize she set her purse/iPod down in a store and left it there. Back to Justice or Claire's we would run-walk, hoping and praying they saved it. When we visited Nashville a few spring breaks ago, she left her Instax camera somewhere, and it was never to be found again. Argh. 

But THIS weekend was the worst. She went to a birthday party in downtown Atlanta (a friend's mom did the driving), and later realized she'd left her purse at the ice cream shop. The mom called he shop to confirm the purse was there, and told me they would stay open until 11pm. All of us live at least a half-hour from town and this was around 7 pm (I truly don't know WHY they chose this particular place for a birthday party, but whatever). So what did I get to do on Saturday night, before I had eaten? Drive into town. Traffic was terrible, and it took us muuuuuch longer than I anticipated. Kate asked me in a text beforehand, couldn't I just go get it and then pick her up from the friend's???? HAHAHA, NO, I texted back. You are going with me. 

And she did. Her utter silence the whoooole way there and back indicated she was feeling the proper amount of mad, whether at herself or at me is unclear. ;) Just kidding, I know she felt terrible; she actually offered to give me some money since I had to drive all that way (when I had planned a nice dinner for the four of us at home). Of course I didn't make her pay me, and I tried not to be mad directly AT her, but... I can't say I was 100% successful. 

Anyway, I believe she has learned her lesson. Nevertheless, I texted her just now: "Phone! Purse! Hoodie! Just your periodic reminder! xxx" 

She replied that she has them. Don't think I won't do it again in 30 minutes. 

A birthday party and a backyard project

Our Valentine's Day is always usurped by Kate's birthday on the 15th. Although I must give Shawn the credit he truly deserves for being a great Valentine. I cringe, reading about my bloggy friends whose husbands won't DO SOMETHING for them on Valentine's Day. It is literally so easy!! Why can't they just....? I don't get it, I hate it for them, and I am so lucky. (I do always feel some solidarity with the idea of buying myself chocolates, because YUM. However, with birthday cake in the house I rarely need/want to add more sweets.)

For Kate's 13th birthday this year, I had the idea of a backyard fire-pit birthday. It would keep things mostly Covid-compliant (with friends she sees at school already, and being outside), we wouldn't have to bother the girls (teens!), they could just do their thing, and I thought Kate liked the idea of a campfire, sweater-weather theme. 

I got that part wrong, apparently -- about 3 days before the party she told me she'd never "OK'd" that idea -- but it didn't matter because the weather was rainy and gross for the 3 days surrounding the party, anyway. So no fire-pit. 

In the end, 5 friends DID come over, and they did spend quite a bit of time outdoors in our driveway, and on the trampoline. The rain had stopped by the day-of, but the ground was still soggy/muddy. As for activities, instead of roasting marshmallows, they played a few indoor games, which Kate herself devised and created. She wrapped little gifties and then rolled them into a huge Saran-wrap ball, which they then took turns unravelling to the throwing of dice -- you know this game, right? 

She also put candy into a bunch of balloons and blew them up; these served 2 purposes. One, she threw them all over the floor of our living room for surprisingly festive yet easy decor. And two, the girls at some point loudly stomped them all to pop them and reveal the candy. Easy peasy! 

I was not needed to help with either of these activities. In fact, the rest of us were sort-of banished from the main area of the house. Hmph. Not sure how I felt about that, except this one feeling: A BASEMENT or media room would SURE BE helpful in times like these. We have neither. This was why I wanted the backyard situation. Oh well! I provided lots of snacks, and we were allowed to attend the present-unwrapping and birthday cake portions of the evening, and the whole thing was a pretty big success, I believe. She even thanked me. ;) 

In the backyard, we were planning to complete a long-wished-for project to make the party landscape just *chef's kiss* perfect. We have all the materials, now we just need a non-rainy weekend, to finish it up. It's going to look somewhat like this:

(Not our house; but we bought similar buckets, 4x4s and lights)

I can't wait. I'm grateful Shawn took this on and really think that it's going to make a useful, pretty "living space" outside. We're lucky that Atlanta weather is usually really good for outdoor living -- I'm hoping for lots of use of this area in spring and maybe even summer (haha, it will be way too hot in summer). I also bought 4 adirondack chairs (plastic ones, not the expensive kind), and am planning to have pretty, colorful cushions to liven them up a bit. I'll try to remember to take pictures. 

On to some dinner menus! My 2021 planner has a little area for each day, called "Tonight:" and it's a perfect spot to record what we've had. Some delicious ideas for you from our last couple of weeks:

Southwest Sausage & Rice Skillet (hellofresh) - My crew doesn't care for chicken sausage, so I used regular pork. 

Chicken Soft Tacos in the crock-pot - Couldn't be easier. A little too juicy, if I'm honest, but we used all of this in burritos and quesadillas in the week following, and everyone enjoyed it. 

This was a few weeks ago: BBQ Salmon Bowls w/Mango-Avocado Salsa -- and wow, was it delicious! Kate has recently discovered avocado -- the cool kids on TikTok made her want to try avocado toast, lol -- so it was a big hit.

Kate's Birthday Choice: Spaghetti Carbonara with a Caesar salad kit and garlic breadsticks: YUM. A little cholesterol-heavy, especially when finished with a piece of birthday cake (just a little)! The day after, I ate oatmeal, raw vegetables, and drank a ton of water to atone.

Tonight: Southern Vegetable Plate: Mashed potatoes, corn, mac and cheese, and these green beans. Yikes, I'd better start them right now. This meal brought to you by no-meat Ash Wednesday. Happy Lent! I'm giving up fast food. 

3 Stories, and Dinner Menus for the Week

1. Liver cysts: Back in June, while we were in Destin, Shawn started feeling a sort-of pain in his side. He assumed that he'd pulled a muscle while tossing Kate around in the pool, because she is definitely too old to be tossed at age 12. (She still loves it, though, and he's Fun-Dad enough to do it.) He waited for the feeling to subside but it never did, so finally in mid-August, he went to his primary care doc. She recommended an X-ray and ultrasound, and from that, we got the news that there were some cysts on his liver (who knew?!), and "a 2x2cm mass...." that needed to be further investigated. The news came via a healthcare app, so it was just written, not delivered with any calming guidance from a doctor. And that little word, "mass," when not described as 'probably benign,' or described at all, but just typed out in your record, will make your mind go in the wrong direction. Especially when you schedule the next required thing, an MRI, and have to wait a full week until the appointment. Just about every possibility crossed our minds; me trying to remain positive until we had reason not to be, him feeling the full scope of What If. Understandably. Long story short, the MRI result was better -- just complex cysts, no treatment necessary. But it was certainly an experience. I guess we're in watch-and-see mode now; trying to improve diet by adding fruits/vegetables and fiber, and decreasing fast food. The good thing is, he already has a gastroenterologist to help monitor the situation. 

2. Football: So, Alex's school is playing football, as are all the high schools around here, still surprisingly to me. And the marching band is allowed to play at the home games. They're very socially distanced; they wear masks when not playing (some even while playing, like drums, who don't need their mouths), and they're not wearing their regular uniforms because of handling them and changing in a room together and all that. Of course we want to support the band, so we went to the first game. Masks required. And people were not wearing their masks!! It was just infuriating. The commentator kept saying, in between every quarter, "Fans, please do your part to keep everyone safe: Masks are required at all times. Maintain a safe distance from others. And Go Hoyas!" or something like that.... and still, people sat in the stands and just refused to wear their masks. I can't tell you how annoying it was. We declined to attend the 2nd home game. I'm not sure about the third; it's supposed to be this Friday, but the most recent game was cancelled because of "Covid-19 within the organization." YOU DON'T SAY.

3. Detentions: Ohhhhh, you guys. Kate got 2 detentions for the first time ever. She's not Never been in trouble; in K and 1st, I think, she sometimes got "on yellow" for talking too much, heh. Our little extrovert. But this was 7th-grade trouble. She took her iPod to school (violation #1, devices are not allowed on the premises), and she filmed a TikTok w/her bestie in the girls' restroom, while wearing her uniform with her school's name in huge letters (violation #2). And she posted it. And then, another PARENT reported it. (I'm wrestling with feeling mad about that, and wishing I knew who it was. I have a few suspicions.) She got called in to the principal's office and everything. I'm told she burst into tears. I got to speak with the Assistant Principal for half an hour, and she got her Conduct grade lowered. I feel... bad about it, on the one hand, that we don't have strong enough house-rules that her iPod would have automatically been collected and put away on a school-day morning. But also, she definitely should have known better. The teacher who monitored her detentions was very kind when I picked her up, telling me that it's pretty typical for 7th graders to push limits and try things. We implemented a mini punishment at home, too -- a week without her devices, except for once in the evening to check messages. She wouldn't let me even say the word "detention," she was so uncomfortable with the whole thing. Also part of the punishment, I now check her TikTok every single day. Funny, she hasn't posted a single video since then. 

4. Menus for the week: Before I go into that, we went out to eat on Saturday night! The weather here has been amazing, definitely comfortable enough to sit outside (maybe even slightly too cool), so we took Kate (Alex was away for the night) to the local pizza place. It was so great to be at a restaurant! We wore masks until we sat down, the tables were spread out appropriately, and it felt lovely and normal. I'm not saying we'll do that often, especially not if it gets any colder, but it was a nice treat. This week we're eating at home: 

S - (last night) Chicken Fried Rice (homemade) and egg rolls (from the frozen section). SO easy and good!

M- Maple Glazed Salmon, roasted potatoes and green beans, and French rolls. Family favorite.

T - Hot dogs w/chili, and fries (Tuesdays are my office days and I'm usually wiped out after that)

W - Salisbury Steak,  mashed potatoes, broccoli

Th - Creamy Tomato Pasta (Pioneer Woman), salad

I mean, all of these things are our usual standards, really... I guess because I post so infrequently, it seems like we have the same things all the time. We don't necessarily, but I guess every family has its regular rotation. I should list ours all out, to really see how many different things we typically eat. I sometimes wonder if my family considers me a "good cook," or just an adequate cook. 

F - football game? We'll see.

I hope my 4 readers are all healthy and happy today, enjoying the fall, being productive (or enjoying rest), and feeling content. :)

Back to School Today

Today Kate goes back to school, in person. 

She was so happy this morning, ready to see her friends and get out of the house, even if it means wearing a uniform and a mask. 

Her school has done everything in its power to create a safe, clean environment for the kids and teachers. There are multiple new hand-washing stations; mandatory masks; extra furniture was moved out of classrooms to create more space for desks to be further apart; Kate's homeroom is actually in the cafeteria because her grade is one of the bigger ones; no one's using lockers because they're too close together; they're going to spend plenty of time outside; no food is being brought in, every kid brings his/her own; and on and on. 

It's going to be so good for the kids to be back in a school environment, with structured days. Wow, does Kate need that. She has been very bored lately. Doing her best, I mean -- she tries to keep busy with crafting (friendship bracelets, tie dye, painting) and practicing piano and playing games online with her friends, but, um... those things do not a full life make. Confession, I've not done the best job alleviating her boredom. It's hard to do when I'm trying to keep my job. Working from home full-time has been amazing and I hope I get to do it forever, but I've not been that good at creating summertime balance. I've tried to start my days early (7 or 7:30), but inevitably I keep working until about 4:30 -- instead of planning ahead to finish up after dinner, for example, so that we can go do something fun in the afternoons. I've spent the last few days feeling really guilty/sad about that. 

But on the other hand, we have done what we could. Lots of swimming when we had the chance. Our lunchtimes together, every day. "Big" outings to Target or Publix or WalMart. Watching some movies in the dark living room when it's been stupid-hot outside. 

In a way, I'm pretty sad that this time of ease, as far as not having obligations or places to be, has to come to an end. I know it's what we all want - back to normal - but being homebound has been nice, too. Now we'll be waking up on time, and I'll be driving carpool every afternoon. We opted not to use after-care this year, in an effort to save the money since I'm at home most days, anyway. I could say it's also safer than spending MORE time with a wider variety of kids, but mostly it was just that I'm available for the first time in my life, to pickup every day at 3:15.

It's a weird day, at any rate. I'm for sure not going to be very work-productive.

The Sped-Up Advent and Slowed-Down Christmas of 2019

Hasn't the month of December been a blur? With Thanksgiving so late it has felt like we arrived abruptly AT Christmas, and even though it's still 7 days away, time has already run out in my mind.

Our shopping is mostly done, thank baby Jesus, but very little of the wrapping. No Christmas cards have been addressed or sent. Nor have I attempted any meal-planning for the days of Christmas itself, because for the very first time, we have ZERO obligations and no family coming to visit. It's just US FOUR. I'm happy about that. I know I will probably feel a little bereft on Christmas Day, when Mom and Dad are alone in their house and we're in ours, 6 hours away, and Shawn's mom, too, by herself. But on the other hand, I have this cozy, slowed-down picture in my head of just a relaxing day, our little foursome and our kitties. I want to do my usual Christmas crepes for breakfast, and then I suppose we'll think of something a little more special than a weekday dinner, for afternoon Christmas dinner... but I also hope there's time for reading, movies, naps, games, hot chocolate, and maybe even PJs all day.

I DO NOT HAVE TO SING at any Mass this year! That's a first. Or, a first in a loooooooong time. It's my very best gift to myself, I'm so happy about it. Of course, it means we'll have to really work to get ourselves to a Mass at all... the 7:30 am is probably the wisest choice as far as crowds are concerned, but I can guarantee my crew won't want to do that. So 6:00 pm Christmas Eve is more likely. (Less wise.) Doesn't matter, I don't have to be there from 10 pm until 1 am and that is an amazing freedom.

Kate told me tearfully a couple of weeks ago that she knows, about Santa and the Elf and all. :( It was hard for her to admit. She was wandering around the house kind-of unable to sit still, looking at the Elf on the Shelf and acting like she wanted to say something, but not saying anything, while I was writing a grocery list. Finally, I asked her, "Kate, you seem like you have something on your mind, what is it?" And she said down next to me at the kitchen table, and said, "I don't want to say because I don't want to be sad..." and then I could guess what was coming. "I know," she said. I tried to comfort her and say that we'll still DO all the things -- I did get the feeling she was worried we'd say, "Oh welp, that's the end of that! Thank goodness, the jig is up!" -- and told her the "magic" of Christmas is that you're infinitely loved, and that families give gifts to each other to show that love and and and... and I think she understood, but still. big breath. It was a moment. The real end of an era. (I think she had her suspicions last year, truly, but wasn't ready to admit it.) And it's time, I mean, she's nearly 12.

Somehow, it wasn't enough to quell our parental desire to make Christmas special and... bigger than it needs to be. I mean, it isn't going to be "BIG" by some people's standards, but we still had to list out and chart all the gifts to make sure both kids' piles will be "even," and honestly I'd really like to be one of those families that does "Something you Want, Something you Need, Something to Wear, Something to Read," and that's it. Cut down on the consumerism of it all. Not quite there yet, but maybe one day. Jill's new family is apparently better at that; maybe they'll be a good influence.

We get our first Hello, Fresh box today! I'm excited! Tonight's dinner will be Pineapple Grilled Chicken quesadillas, and tomorrow's is Pork Tenderloin Bulgogi. Yay for trying new things! Thanks to Suzanne for the referral!

I have to work the rest of this week and Monday the 23rd, but it's already winding down significantly. I suspect I'll be doing some desk cleaning in the next few days, and not a lot of work-work. I'll take it! Merry Christmas!

Things I Don't Want to Forget, Fall 2019

• At one of the last marching rehearsals of the season, before Grand Nats, when it was inexplicably something like 36 degrees out and a night practice, Alex noticed his freshman clarinet buddy, Cooper, was wearing shorts, shivering with blue lips. Alex had prepared, thankfully (and somewhat surprisingly), by wearing two pairs of pants, one fleecy sweatpant and a lighter athletic pant underneath that. He gave Cooper the sweatpants. No fuss, just took them off and handed them over. No one noticed this, as far as we know, but Shawn happened to be watching practice that night and caught it. Our hearts grew three sizes.
• When I was sick over Thanksgiving (so sick! headache and cold for about 4 days straight, and I was stuffy enough that I couldn't taste any of the food I was making), my family was so kind to me. On Wednesday they let me nap for about 2 hours in the afternoon, and no one complained that we made it a pretty low-key Thanksgiving Day. They helped me cook. They probably did the hard parts for me. I took breaks. We used our regular, dishwasher-safe dishes, not the bone china I like to use on holidays - I just couldn't. I didn't even make any dessert until the afternoon of Thursday, which is when I finally started to improve, and even then only 1 dessert when I had been planning 3. I made the other one, the pumpkin bars, probably 2 days later. It was nice to be allowed to kind-of phone it in. Family is the best.
• Last week, high schoolers received their spring class schedules. Alex was called to the Guidance office to discuss the fact that they had moved him into 2nd period Band, which is the most advanced "Wind Ensemble" class. (He's been in the intermediate-level this semester, having moved up after his freshman year.) He went to the directors to check this. "Hey," he said, "I just want to make sure that this isn't a scheduling error." (Surely you don't move up after one semester, as a sophomore, into the highest level, right?) The head director responded, "Nope, that's not an error. Congratulations," in his very understated way. Heart bursting with pride (again)!
• My Kate has such a generous heart. While it sometimes drives me crazy, because she has all these "ideas" -- we joke that our most feared words from her are, "Mommy, I have an idea..." -- requiring us to go to Michaels to shop every weekend, mostly with my money instead of her allowance, it is so sweet, really. For her 4 best friends, she's decorated Mason jars with color-coordinated candies (Lindt chocolates), PuraVida bracelets, and lip balms, nestled into tissue paper or shredded paper/filler. And, not wanting to leave anyone out, she told me last night she'd also like to bake some cookies for 2 other friends, and put them in clear cellophane bags with pretty ribbon. Makes me happy to see her happy. 
• She also told me again recently, and I don't want to forget, that she desperately wants to be an interior designer someday. Have I mentioned this before? I think it would be perfect for her: spending someone else's money to do creative things. (And eventually, being her own boss.) It fits every aspect of her little (big) personality so well.