Activities!

It has been so nice, this first month of school, without too many extracurricular activities to attend. SO. NICE.

Children's choir, first of all, is on a year-long hiatus, and all I can say about that is YIPPIE! Forced break and I will take it.

I had talked with Kate about maybe not signing back up at her gymnastics academy ("academy") this year, because... many reasons. Long story short,

1. She didn't always have fun or want to go.
2. She left class hurt several times. Nothing serious, but still. Back hurting. Neck hurting. Doesn't seem so good.
3. Lack of progress. 

Yes, she has learned to do a back walkover and her cartwheels have certainly improved since she was 5 years old. But to pay actual money every month and not really see her gain new skills or experiences from it...? I don't know. I feel like it has stalled out.

She and I had a kid-sized discussion about it earlier this summer, and I thought she agreed with me. So when it came time to register, I just... didn't. And now she has asked to go back. Luckily I guess, there's room in the class. It's not that expensive, and if she wants to do it, I want to encourage her. But when I asked if maybe she wanted to step it up and try a different studio (she'd mentioned cheerleading/dance as possible activities, too), she declined.

Anyway, that will start up again on Thursdays.

And basketball registration was this week, and practices will begin in October. I'm okay with basketball. It's school-sponsored and I do love Team Spirit. :)

Both kids are taking piano lessons, Wednesday nights right before bedtime (7:45-8:45). I feel like Kate's heart isn't in it. I think Alex's still IS. Neither one of them practices like I think they should. But let's talk about Alex for a minute...

Just how easy do I let him take things, now that he's in high school? I don't want to be a pushy Mom, but I need him to put in a little effort and get involved in something. (Not to mention those pesky college applications, which the high school counselors already won't stop talking about.) It's not news to him; we have told him all along that he'll want/need to join at least one club, simply to meet people. Well, we're a month in, and he hasn't really even thought about it from what I can tell. He sits alone at lunch, we've learned, and has come to some peace about that. But I am NOT at peace about it! Every time I mention clubs to him, though, I feel like a nag.

Parenting teenagers isn't as easy as it looks!

I just checked a couple of club pages on his school's website. So, okay, I didn't really see anything that was too interesting. He can be a Wrestling team manager. Or a videographer for the football team. Or a Young Democrat/Republican. (No.) Bother. What can I get him jazzed about? A/V production (the school 'TV' broadcast)? Service Clubs? History Club?

He's taking the Band class, but he isn't in marching band. Not sure I WANT him in that, frankly; it's super expensive and time-intensive, although the camaraderie can't be topped, from what I understand. We'll see, I guess, where this year leads. I know he's enjoying the challenge of it, compared to middle school band.

What did you do in high school? I was a cheerleader, and was lucky that tryouts happened just before school began, so I came in with a couple of new friends immediately. Also, my school was 72% smaller than his (gigantic public) school.

Insight

I have learned: Transitions = Hard for Miss Kate. Summer to school, for instance. We had ourselves a jolly little (big) meltdown last night over America's Got Talent. She put herself to bed - just fell asleep, exhausted. (She'd already been having an emotional day, crying at school during a thunderstorm, her teacher told me. This fear does not seem to be going away.) Nothing makes you more tired than a big cry, I know from experience.

Also. My PMS time is not a good time for her meltdowns to happen, sheesh-oh-pete. I had been having an emotional day for a variety of reasons, already, yesterday, too. Alex growing up. My job not fitting my parameters of work-life balance. Etc. But it is OKAY to not feel OKAY. And just because your feelings are fueled by PMS does not mean they're made up. They're the same feelings you'd have without PMS, only magnified. They're real, and they're allowed. Positive Self Talk.

I found a daily prayer resource that I like. It's an app called Sacred Space. I've been using it for a few days now.

This morning I read John 12:24 about the grain of wheat and unless it dies, it's just a grain. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Never really understood that one, or cared to, just accepted it. But today, thinking about it, I finally get it. I FINALLY get that you have to be bruised and broken up, like the grain is at harvest, tilled under, in order to fertilize the ground and sprout and live. So all the intense arguments, the difficult relationships, the little sadnesses, the hardest burdens to bear - those are what give us life.

I'm not sure I am grateful for that fact -- like, still, why? Why does it have to be hard? -- but I see it now. I can accept it as true. 

I AM grateful for this time of insight and happy spiritual awareness lately. Possibly has to do with connecting in prayer more often (duh), but it's been good for my soul. Let the kids tell you about how I cried at Mass last Sunday! Woo, that was a doozy. From all my worry about Alex's first week of high school, all the crying out to Jesus that I did that week in prayer -- then to hear some really powerful music just broke me open. It was good, and right and cleansing and I needed it. They were properly confused by it... and when they kinda made fun of me, talking/asking about it, I got embarrassed and a little mad. So much crazy emotion. Gah.

Anyway. This is all over the place. Happy Friday. I'm so glad it's the weekend, and grateful for my life with all its grains of wheat.

World Traveler Goes To... London!

Up next is a trip to London for the world traveling working mom, me.

It's a weird arrangement that my job description, currently, is "50% Global marketing, and 50% U.S. marketing." Weird because that looks fine on paper, but how is a person supposed to equally divide her time? At first, I tried working on my Global tasks in the mornings (when the Europeans were also in the office) and saving my U.S. tasks for the afternoons. It kind-of works, unless you're a person who checks email first thing in the morning, because whatever seems most pressing is what gets attention using that system. Hint: I check email first. So I'm out of the Global Mornings habit -- in fact, I feel so far removed from the Global team that it's real hard to care at all about it.

But aside from the work aspect of it -- the trip is for a series of meetings about global content -- I'm going to London! And Winchester, south of London, where my colleague lives. It cost half as much to travel on a Friday night versus a Monday (the meetings start Tuesday), so I get to spend the weekend being a tourist. And when I look at the maps and the adorable hotel I'm staying at, I do start to feel excited about this trip. Praise God, they literally speak my language in England, and that alone makes it less daunting than Germany. My friend will pick me up at the airport, another bonus (and so kind of her), and she has planned out an entire itinerary for us, first in Winchester, home of the Jane Austen House Museum (!!) and then a big day in London seeing as many sights as I can see. :)

Some things to figure out:

• Where to park at the airport - I hate airport parking.
• Is it better to exchange money for cash, or for a Travelex card? At the bank or online? Or at the airport?
• What kind of shoes do I want for walking ALLLL over London? Do I want my old-ish out of style ones that I know are comfy-ish, or new ones? I think new, but, is that risky? Ouchy feet would not be fun.

It should be a good trip. My boss' boss, who called the meeting, said that "A lot of tasks will probably be created at this meeting, so it will be good if you are there." Ugggh. That takes a little of the fun out of it, haha, but I try to remember in these cases that the tasks don't have to be completed at the meeting -- it's just a first discussion of the tasks.

Anyway, I leave Aug 17 and will be gone nearly a week. (!) That's a long time.

Update: Not good. Then, better.

Wednesday dawned and we sent the boy off to high school, just as planned. It was raining. It has been raining for what feels like a month (really, 3 or 4 days), but I was incredulous -- come on, his First Day walking to the bus stop? That's just crappy.

Anyway, for all my nerves, he took an umbrella, found the bus, made it to school, (he texted me) and to his homeroom classroom, and things were off to a roaring good start. (Ok, honey, have a great day!!!) I worked from home a little, went to the office for 2 meetings and lunch with the girls, then came home to be there when he arrived home. My level of focus was extremely low all day, I'll admit.

I spent a lot of time on the Life360 app, following the bus. It's your basic "stalker" parenting app -- you can set up a "circle" or family members, and then you'll know where they are at all times, and what percentage their phone's battery has left (I guess if a kid's battery is low you can remind him to charge it, in case of emergency?) ... it feels slightly invasive, but also comforting. Naturally, on the first day, with rain, and construction going on at our particular school, buses were running really late. He didn't get home until an hour past when he should have. But that was okay, I understood it logically. It's the first day, there are kinks to work out. (So many parents online complaining! I laughed - really, people? Common sense says it's going to be rough on the first day.)

He came in the front door and graciously handled all of my questions (I tried to hold back), then went upstairs to start his homework. I was so relieved that the transportation logistics had worked out. That was one of my biggest fears/unknowns. Like I said, some glitches, but it was fine. (And even better the 2nd day.) Thankfully there was another kid waiting at the stop, so that helped Alex know he was in the right place.

Only later did we come to understand that things had been sad and lonely most of his day. He bent his head and had a little emotional breakdown under my chin. It is so, so hard to feel alone and unseen. He knows exactly 5 people in a school of 2,000, and guess what? It's hard to find those 5 in the lunchroom. So he sat by himself and ate pizza that he said wasn't any good.

Such heartbreak. So many things I could've said, but didn't want to overwhelm. Just, "I know, honey, it's so hard. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow. It's okay to feel this way." (In my mind: Think of all the positives. Count the blessings. We knew it would be a little unfamiliar. This is normal. Can you read at lunch? What can I do? Don't cry. You already did the hardest part. Everyone experiences loneliness, it's part of being human. Even Jesus. [Sooooo many things I wanted to say.])

I didn't sleep well that night. He woke up reluctant to go through a day like he'd had, again, but I tried to encourage him and say that every day, it will get a little better. Faces will get familiar. You'll be having conversations with people in class, and that will carry over into the social times of day, like lunch. I knew that to be true, but I know it's hard to believe it when you're the one feeling lonely.

Praise God, he came home yesterday (Thursday) with a smile. His words: "Much better." He actually FOUND his friend Will in the cafeteria. He also had another buddy that he was sitting with, from his homeroom. There's a sophomore in his band class and on his bus, who is Alex's height (unusual) and seems to be friendly to him. He likes his classes. He ate Asian orange chicken and it was delicious. Thursday when I got home, he was working on homework at the kitchen table.

He left today (Friday) with a little spring in his step. I pray it will really feel like a nice Friday.

And this morning, the rain seems to have ended.