The Review

Year-end! Time to review. Not to dwell on anything, just to acknowledge, and accept, and get ready to welcome a new, blank slate. I didn't do the whole meme last year or the year before, and while I'm sort-of glad, I sort-of missed it, too. Some of the questions are good writing prompts, so here are the ones I want to answer.

--Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My 2015 wishes, besides remembering that God is good and I am loved? To read a little more. To pray a little more. To plan a few more fun family things. To walk, run and stretch a little more. To take more time off. To find more meaning in my work, somehow. To be who I am.

I did read more! And I kept track of what I read via Pinterest, which is fun. It's showing 19 books for 2015, and I've started the 20th, which is Moby Dick, which I've never read! I like it so far. I'm reading it because I want to re-read Ahab's Wife in 2016. I also prayed more, I think, although that can always use more improvement. Fun family things...? Well, we're working on it. We didn't take any grand trips like we still want to, but I did take the kids away for Spring Break, which was fun. I succeeded in stretching a little more - but just a little - and walked, but again, just a little. I love my little midday walks at work. 10 minutes or so, outside. And yoga in the morning here. Good for the soul. I did take more time off, if just by virtue of the fact I had more to take (work anniversary earned me another week). Did I find more meaning in my work? No. It was a hard year for work. Maybe more on that later (maybe not). Being who I am? I definitely tried.

So: Good Job, Me! Resolutions were mostly successful! Happier, fatter, richer, overall. A Win.

More resolutions? Certainly. I like 'em. After the review.

--What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?

I had a crown put on one of my teeth! Haha! Don't recommend it. I'm still having a little bit of jaw pain even though I got a stupid, stupid night guard. (I haven't worn it every night as prescribed.) I sang solo (a wedding) in a beautiful big church without a microphone, like a real professional, with a symphony violinist! That was awesome. I drove 2 kids to Florida by myself. I hosted a slumber party with six- and seven-year-old girls OMG. Sent a kid off to middle school (we love middle school so far)! Then joined the Middle School Dance committee with my two best school-mom friends. I felt, and feel, totally secure in calling them best friends. I probably did some other new things, too. It's hard to remember everything! In all, it was a pretty great year. I am loved and have a family I adore.

--What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Tough one, because I feel like I'm not really in an "achieving" stage of my life (and the things I do at work don't really get touted as achievements, more on that later). Still, one thing I was proud of: Planning/managing a lot of different summer activities and camps for the kids. (Which it is nearly time to do, again, for 2016.)


--What was your biggest failure?

The kale chips I tried to make 2 days ago. Ha ha, not really, but they did turn out badly and smelled up the house. Too bad, I had high hopes for kale chips.

As always, I don't like to say "failure," because we're all, always, just doing the best we can. I try to be gentle with myself. But I've been monumentally unhappy at work, and have failed to do anything about it. Well, that's not fully true... I have tried "positive thinking" and "fake it 'til you make it" and sunshine-y, Oh, well, I can't complain, let's just laugh about how stupid this all is... and I did apply for one awesome-sounding job in June. I didn't get it, obviously - didn't even get called for an interview after what I thought was an excellent application (13 big essay questions, seriously). That somewhat deflated me. Haven't seen anything interesting since, that I think I'm qualified for, and fits my requirements (close to home or remote, minimal travel). My professional confidence has taken a major blow, not from that one application but from the past year's changes, where my job got whisked out from under me without my asking, communication got worse and worse again, I continually got dumped on (i.e., asked to "step in" where other people failed/left), and the leaders and personalities at my workplace continue to disappoint. I feel pretty damaged, actually. Unsure of myself, unsure what I want, unsure how to take the next step. I have tried not to talk about it so much in real life anymore, though I do come here and whine, for 2 reasons: one, it's negativity and I don't need that to be a major part of my days, and two, well, because I don't want to continue burdening others with it. I'll leave it at that for now.

--How did you spend Christmas?

We had a busy Christmas Eve, what with Kate singing at 4:00 in the Children's Choir and me singing at midnight with the adult choir! So we got to church at 2:45 and barely got a seat for 4:00 Mass, then went out to dinner at Bahama Breeze, which was nice and cozy on a rainy night. Christmas morning the kids woke us up at 6:30 and didn't even feel bad about it, and we did Santa (unwrapped). My one oops there was that I didn't have a single thing for Shawn's stocking. I'm sorry, honey! I got an outdoor fireplace! so exciting, and it was a giant present "under" our tree. Behind it, actually. Around 10 am, we were loaded up in the car to drive to Savannah. "To Grandmother's house we go!" We spent Friday night and Saturday there, enjoyed seeing 3-year-old Hailey, ate our turkey and ham, couldn't believe it was 79 degrees outside, and came home Sunday morning. Short and sweet. Shawn and I juggled days off this year but had enough to cover all the kids' vacation days.
 
--What were your favorite books of the year?

The Timebound/Chronos series, Wonder, and The Book Thief, for sure. Wonder, above all of those.

--What was your favorite music from this year?

It's fun listening to the kids' music. I liked Uptown Funk the most.

--What were your favorite films of the year?

Uh, DUH, Star Wars: The FORCE AWAKENS. Just saw it last night. I have so much to say about it. I started crying when "A long time ago...." appeared on the screen. Kids liked it, too. We also enjoyed Ant Man as a family, and I loved, loved, loved Cinderella (but that might have been 2014).

--What valuable life lesson did you learn in 2015?

Well. I learned, I guess, that things change all the time, and to just get used to it, and not be attached to the way things are. I learned to not be "precious" about anything I write. I love that. Posted it on my cubicle wall, I love/need it so much. I learned that everyone has a different perspective on the situation. I learned again that happiness and gentleness is a choice, and I can try every day to make it my story. (I still have so much to learn.)

-- And so, resolutions for 2016?

I have several. One, I obviously want to do something about work. It's going to have to be something risky I guess, or at least uncomfortable like using a headhunter or actually networking again, in person. I feel like that is going to take some courage-building, so it might not happen immediately, and I need to be OK with that. I feel fairly certain that others in my department will be doing the same, but that does not mean I need to be "first." I want to keep that perspective. Because of course, this job pays our bills and serves me well in a few areas, like being able to leave work at work, etc. I don't have to rush. It's just a job. But nothing will happen unless I MAKE IT happen.

Two, and Shawn and I have discussed, we're trying to lower the sugar/carb intake at our house. Kale chips and I may not have become fast friends, but I'm breaking up with Hershey's kisses and white bread. In an achievable, nothing is forbidden but be smarter, no-diet-diet kind of way. More veggies. Less sugar. The end.

Three, the goal is to fill up with love. Fill myself up, radiate it out. Not to be hippy-dippy, but I had a moment while doing yoga yesterday. ;) I nearly forgot, but I'd love to attend a weekly yoga class as a goal, too. Maybe. Saturday mornings?

But love. That's the main one. Amen and amen. Happy New Year. I'm planning a stop at Publix before going home, for cake (sugar's last hurrah), and chips, and maybe something festive like party hats. :)

Wait, it's December?

Christmastime is here! Whether we're ready for it or not, and surprise, surprise, I'm probably not! I saw a photo from October on my Facebook feed the other day, and I thought, wait, isn't it still October? Even though I know very well that all of November is already behind us (and some of December, even)! It's crazy, how time works -- how the days are long but the years are short. And I mean, I try to "just take one day at a time." You'd think that would make me extra-aware of what day/month/year it is. But, no.

Anyway, we have actually placed orders on Amazon Prime (Prime is the BEST), so at least we're not totally behind in the Santa Claus department. They're both definitely suspicious about S.C., and Alex may already be completely in the know, although he's not letting on. One of my friends says she tells her kid, "If you don't believe, you don't receive!" To me that's a little harsh, but I'm at the point where I kinda WANT them to figure it out. Partly so we get the THANK YOUS we deserve, heh, and partly so I can wink and waggle my eyebrows and talk about it in that fun, conspiratorial way.

I've not even thought about Christmas cards, but we did decorate...

I have to stop right here and one LAST time, "publicly" thank Shawn for all his hard work this past weekend. He had just told me Friday afternoon he was feeling his annual "anti-Christmas" feelings (don't we all?), and that I should be warned, and I was... but then I insisted anyway, that we were doing the tree and then HE was doing lights outside the house all weekend, plus raking/blowing leaves.... basically I said, "Christmas, here: Make It Happen" and he did. He worked ALL day Sunday, 9 to 9, save for the hour when I made him take me/us to brunch with Santa at the Country Club, and have a holiday mimosa with me, and LIKE IT.

So THANK YOU, Darling Husband, I love you so. This is just the way of the world, it seems, for husbands and wives. I think of our friends Jason and April, and I am certain she gives him her Instructions, and he is Expected to carry them out, and at least I'm not quite THAT brazen about it, I don't think.

The school Christmas program is already out of the way, Santa brunch, check, and so this weekend's activities include dinner out Friday night with our couple-friends Christina and Bobby, and the choir Christmas party Saturday night. I'm skipping choir on Sunday because I detest the song we're doing. Ha! I've never skipped for that reason, but I have done this song a zillion times with this choir and with another choir, and even though most people say it's SO BEAUTIFUL (Cantique de Jean Racine, by Faure), I still just hate it. The soprano has a few notes too low for comfort, (below "the break," as they say, which for me is lower than about A above middle C) and it's supposed to be sung in French, but we always sing it in English. Bleh. Actually, I don't even love it in French. It's boring to sing. Sorry, Faure. So, Sunday we can either go to the mall or wrap presents or do something FUN, after 9:00 Mass (or Saturday vigil). Lord knows Kate will demand we do SOMETHING FUN.

Oh, and I'm having my December cold right now, so hopefully that means it will be gone by Christmas Eve/Midnight Mass! Two winning years on that score, woo!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

I fell in love with German - the language - when, my sophomore year as a college chorister, we sang "Still, Still, Still" in our Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols. I LOVED that hymn, partly because it's a sweet lullaby for Baby Jesus, but also specifically because we sang all three verses in German. It was my first experience with the language, even though my Dad's ancestry is German, and close enough to his generation that his father, my Papa, still probably cursed in German. (I know there were a few phrases my Dad heard frequently - not curse words, but little things like "Salz und Pfeffer" and "heiß wie alles.")

Anyway, the German for Still, still, still is beautiful and I wanted to know more about it after that concert, so the very next semester I signed up for German 101. I was glad that several music-major friends had also signed up, since they frequently had to perform art songs in German. I felt like it was a perfect fit for me, since I was majoring in French already. A master of languages! Multi-talented! Multi-lingual! I would be a language superstar. Except... German is HARD. And very different from any romance language, as any student of languages knows. The instructor was not very patient or kind (we used to shrug and say, "Welp, she's very German!" but I know that we shouldn't stereotype anyone that way, and I have a lot of supremely kind German friends now), and that made it even harder.

So "101" was as far as my German education went, until I started working at my current job. Its global headquarters is located in Raubling, near Munich, and I do still love hearing the language on occassion. Like just now, the Chairman of the Board and CFO were just hanging around the copy room, right by my cubicle, chatting away. The (company) Germans visit our office pretty frequently, or we Skype with team members and overhear other conversations. I love it -- I still try to pick out words I think I remember. It makes me wish very much that I had stuck with it.