It's been a couple of rough days for me. I'm feeling underappreciated and under-loved, I guess, and I melted down about it this morning when KT fought every choice I gave her over what to wear. Normally I wouldn't bother with that battle -- I often let her go to school as the raggedy child in plain jeans and a stained t-shirt, because I simply don't have time to argue with her -- but today is school picture day and since I thought it was yesterday, and sent her in her ONE cute outfit yesterday, and had fewer options for cute outfits today, AND since I don't have time nor money to take her to the expensive studio for a three-year-old photo, this is going to HAVE TO DO, and she NEEDS TO LOOK CUTE. I envy the women whose girls are always dressed in AN OUTFIT that actually matches and was bought together, and always with the big, adorable grosgrain ribbons in their hair and cute shoes. KT never has the exact right shoes. Anyway, this morning I had a meltdown.
Times like THIS are how I simpley cannot fathom a single-parent-situation, because all I had to do was quiver like I was about to meltdown, and DH swooped in, shut KT's door, and took care of the situation while I childishly cried into a towel in my bathroom. I guess we all have our breaking point. AJ had been giving me the business earlier in the morning, because we didn't have his favorite breakfast item. "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO THE STORE???!" he shouted at me. And that set me off.
IWORKSOHARDFORYOUANDALLIEVERGETISATTITUDE!ICANNOTGOTOTHESTOREEVERYDAYIWILLGIVEYOUAPIECEOFWHITEBREADANDSOMETEPIDWATERFORBREAKFAST,HOWWILLTHATBE????
Not to mention the dog crapping in the house TWICE in the morning, once AFTER I took him outside and he just doodled around sniffing things. Old dog, bless his heart. BUT OH MY LORD WITH THE POOPING.
Some of this started yesterday on Sparkpeople, when someone commented to me (because I was saying I haven't had time to workout) that my schedule is "insane." I've sometimes thought that, myself, on particularly busy weeks, but it kinda threw me for a loop to have someone else say it, because isn't my schedule just a NORMAL working mom with two kids kind of schedule? It has made me question nearly everything, and I guess that's what taken my emotions right off the rails. But I mean, what do you think about this kind of schedule? Objectively.
Monday
7:00 leave the house, drop off AJ
7:30 - 12 work
12 noon lunch with a friend (a rarity, I assure you)
1:30 - 4:30 work
5:00 pick up AJ, take him to his annual checkup
6:00 do homework, make dinner, etc... kids to bed, make lunches, watch TV and bed.
Tuesday
6:15 leave the house for my early day
6:30 - 11 work
11 - 11:30 drop off volunteer-job stuff at AJ's school; pop in to tell him he'll have to go to Aftercare b/c of an unexpected meeting
12-4 work (lunch was provided at work that day)
4:30 pick up AJ, homework, dinner...
6:30 boys leave for Cub Scouts
hang out with KT, etc. nighttime stuff
Wednesday
7:00 leave the house, drop off AJ
7:30 - 12 work
12 noon lunch out with my team (ran by the bank too)
1:30 - 4:30 work
5:00 pick up AJ, change his clothes, go to his jiu jitsu class
6:30 home, DH made dinner....
Thursday
6:15 leave the house for my early day
6:30 - 3:15 work (lunch at my desk, which I hate, but sometimes I have a lot of work to do, too)
3:30 pick up AJ, take him to school skating party, have no friends there, no one talks to me... (this was also a bit of an emotional glitch - when the skating rink feels the same at 37 as it did at 13... hrm.)
5:00 home, feeling guilty because KT isn't picked up yet but I need to get AJ home to do his homework before she's there to interrupt him
6:00 make dinner, listen to KT scream in complaint about not wanting what I'm making... eat my own dinner quickly because...
6:40 leave for choir practice -- which I can't decide if is another committment to stress me out, or "me-time" (I lean toward calling it me-time, but some days, especially Sundays, it feels like the opposite)
9:00 practice ends, go home, watch Project Runway, maybe help DH fold a few items from laundry... crash on the couch around 10....
I just... I don't know. It seems pretty normal to me. Maybe minus the choir thing. Is it not?
KT's in a phase of complaining and screaming. It's normal 3.5-yr-old stuff, we went through it with AJ. But it is wearing on me at the moment and I'm not handling her very well. (Can't wait 'til she's thirteen.)
I need some new clothes. That's one thing that always adds to a bad mood, when I don't feel like I have anything to wear, and no time to go shopping, and I'm always worried about spending too much money. I need a haircut and I haven't had time for that. I don't like to complain about it all, because DH will say, "Please go take some time for yourself, go shopping, get a pedicure." And then I'll feel bad for leaving him with the kids YET AGAIN, and I know HE needs some time off as well (not to mention clothes shopping), but he doesn't ever whine about it like I do... and I need a girlfriend that I LIKE to invite me to lunch or something, because I feel like I don't have any friends at the moment, and that makes it worse. I'm not even PMS-y, although this post sure sounds like it.
I'm so grateful for my beautiful kids, my wonderful husband who does the laundry and the yardwork despite how crappy he feels at the end of a work day, and all the good gifts I have. Most people think, I suspect, that I have it all together. But sometimes I have NOTHING together, nothing at all. I get tired and cranky and I don't want to DEAL with it all anymore. I would like to take a three-week vacation. Maybe by myself. At my mom's house.
11 comments:
Of course your schedule is insane! You are a mom with two kids! I wake up at 5am and can generally manage to crash to sleep about 11pm or midnight every night and I do not. stop. moving. during the day.
I suppose that if you're a SAHM maybe, but even then, when I had time in the summer, there was never a point where something didn't need cleaning, or a bill didn't need paying, or a kid didn't need immediate attention or dragging to an appointment or practice...
Life with 2 young kids is just freaking busy.
And I, also, find myself scowling at Wallace as he makes demands about any perceived deterioration in his quality of life and yelling that I never, ever stop DOING for this family and that nobody should be making additional demands or criticizing me.
Then I stopped doing that and just started sending him to bed for a period of time which, I think, drives home the point that DUDE IT COULD BE WORSE, HERE LET ME SHOW YOU and also gets him out of my hair so that I can calm down.
Also, my clothes are old and don't fit and whenever I go out I spend money on everyone but me, every time.
I hear you, and if we lived near each other I would tell us each to order gift certificates online (so the money cannot CANNOT be spent on diapers or little boy jeans) and go S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G.
And I may not be able to take you shopping, but I am SO your friend. SO your friend. Just so you know.
xoxoxoxoxxo
Oh, honey. Yes, your schedule is kinda insane. It makes my eyes blur and the fact that you LEAVE THE HOUSE at 6AM blows my mind. Here I am complaining that I have to WAKE UP at 6 and put Thomas on the bus in my pjs...
But, looking at this schedule, you definitely have things that won't happen every week. AJ won't have his checkup every week.
I am noticing this...that AJ has two extra-curricular activities going on, and a party, which is another thing that won't happen every week. I know many families who have to put their foot down and only let their kids do ONE thing extra, besides school. I could how that would be super hard to do, but there is only so much time. (And money, am I right?)
It's just so, so hard. Especially if KT is giving you that 3.5 attitude. I think you should clear your schedule ASAP and get some ME time in. Get your hair cut, order some cute clothes. Call up a friend. I just want to give you a hug AND a margarita!
I think your insane schedule sounds normal. I read your blog to feel like my life is normal.
I envy your ability to get in and out early 2 days a week. I can’t get motivated enough to do that.
Yes, Yes, Yes to the portrait envy. I have never gotten around to taking my kids for portraits. School pics are it, so they better be decent. We never have the perfect outfit.
Sorry for your social situation at the skating party. I often feel let down by the shallow small talk with acquaintances at school/ church (same place) functions, but am always a wee bit hopeful it will lead to something more.
I also have an old dog (17) who regularly poops on the floor. We have warn the kids to look out for poop every evening when we come home. It’s a pain but not worth putting her down over.
For comparison here was our week, S. is a 2nd grader, P is 4 and in daycare, Hubby (D) also works 9-5. I typically wake up at 6:15, D takes S to school at 7:30. I wake up P and take him to daycare at 8:15 and work 9-5.
Monday Evening:
D. picks up S, I pick up P;
6:15 PM everybody home Quick Dinner (crockpot chili)
6:45 PM I leave to take S to swimming lesson, D goes to committee meeting at church, P has to come with me to the pool (thank god for the Nintendo DS). Luckily, S has completed her homework in afterschool.
Tuesday Evening
D. leaves work a little early, picks up S, takes her to Karate; I pick up P.
6:30 PM everybody home Quick Dinner (hot dogs, chicken sausage, fries, corn)
7:00 PM Whole family goes to open house at S’s school; I miss my first tap dance class of the year due to open house ( this is me-time, except near the recital when it becomes a commitment that adds stress). No homework assigned due to open house
Wednesday Afternoon/ Evening
D picks up S early from school takes her to Dr. She has a UTI. Works from home after, supervises homework. I pick up P. Dinner. I go to the grocery store for essentials. D gives P a bath.
Thursday Evening
I leave work a little early, pick up S, she doesn’t want to go to Karate. Take her home, we find something to eat, supervise homework.
D picks up P; takes him for fast food and then to gymnastics class
7:30 PM D and P get home, D changes and leaves to go play basketball and go out afterwards(he needs me-time too). I supervise bath for S and put both kids to bed.
Today (Planned): go out for dinner, go shopping – buying soccer snack is essential.
Saturday (planned): P has soccer and we need to bring snack. Possibly split up, so S can go to make-up karate (same time as soccer game, of course). S has movie night at school. We will hang out and wish P was a year older so he could attend movie night too.
Also must do this weekend: get S a haircut and a new outfit – school picture day is Tuesday.
Hang in there. Thank God for good health and a good hubby.
@Krissy, you had me in tears. I just love you. Thank you.
@Sam, love you, too. Thank you so much for your concern and support. And the margarita.
@Shannon, I can't believe we lead the exact same life. Srsly, do you go to our church/school? We have movie night this wknd. ;) Thank you for saying it's normal. Thank you for posting your schedule. Thank you for serving hot dogs and fries and corn. Gosh, I think I love you, too.
So much to say but I'm RUSHING out the door to get home to sick (again) kid who dresses and has hair like a ragamuffin. I'll just say ... ditto ... normal ... ditto ... normal ... ditto. Sometimes I NEED time with a friend. Wish we could make it happen. More later.
Oh friend. I feel for you. Your schedule seems demanding, but I don't see that there is anything you could do to make it easier. Keep the choir if it is fulfilling most of the time. I hope the weekend brings something good.
Thinking of you all day today. Sending you a mwwwwwwah! Xo
@sherry, let's try a get together sometime, yes. Hope M feels better today.
@Nicole, xoxo. Thank you.
A good night's rest has helped and the weekend is a good thing.
Well, your schedule seems normal for the situation to me. You have been doing this longer than I, and I assure haven't found any way to reduce the inanity yet. I will call you soon and I will make you feel better. You know, if i find time amidst the insanity to actuallly speak on a telephone. Let's just schedule it... I'll send you an Outlook calendar invite ;)
Please pass my sincere love and respect to DH...he's a catch!
Oh my friend... yes, your schedule is insane but I think it looks like that for a lot of working moms. I don't know how we get through it, but somehow we do. I've felt really pressed/stressed/edgy since school has started too - I just feel so much pressure to be ON. And the OUTFITS! Why with the fully matched outfits with dress shoes and BOWS for school each day? I really wish we lived in the same town - we could send Maddie and KT to school in real live PLAY CLOTHES and DARE other people to judge. DARE YOU, we would say! :)
This is a lot of blathering to say... I get it, and it's okay, and that I love your honesty in sharing.
(OH and Maddie has ALSO yelled at me about lack of favorite breakfast foods when there are literally 6 other options in the house and it makes my head explode every.time. because I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO EAT BECAUSE I AM ARGUING WITH YOU WHERE IS MY CRY-TOWEL???)
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