This is not going to be a guilt-filled post about how terrible I feel for trying to discipline my 3.5-year-old. This age can be willful and disrespectful, and I have been trying to remember that it's just a phase. Overwhelmingly, I think, "I love that little girl SO MUCH." But right now living with her is just so exhausting. I can't think straight when she blatantly tells me "No" for the forty-fifth time, or kicks me or throws things or screams in my face. I have no creativity reserves at the crack of dawn, nor at the end of a long day, and no ideas on how to solve these problems in meaningful ways. I try to give choices and consequences. I resort to time-outs (which don't actually work, imho), or taking privileges away, which only makes her scream more loudly. I can send her to her room, but she either refuses and tantrums, or just comes back out. I distinctly remember not having any solution for that problem the first time around. Her Daddy sometimes has good luck removing her from the situation,calming her down and talking her through it, but those tactics don't seem to work for me.
Last night she was particularly awful to me, and I just honestly didn't want to be with her.
I think of all the moms and dads in the world a lot, lately, and how we all have to fight battles like these. I pray for them sometimes, people I don't know, especially the moms, and their independence-testing little ones. This job can be so, so hard.
I'm okay. And she's okay. I'm not sad today or feeling despicable. But I am tired of the fighting. I really can't wait for the hard parts to pass, and I can only hope that some of the love and attempted calm is getting through to her.
7 comments:
Yep. Us too. Hang on friend.
Oh, yes. This. It's fading a bit for Madeline already (please, 4, take AWAY all the stubborn tantruming!) but just this morning we had some of the most ridiculous struggles over random things. It is SO hard.
i don't even HAVE kids and i think about you parents frequently, and how crappy it sometimes is for you. i'm hoping for you that the stage passes quickly!
Oy! At least you seem to remember that it is only a phase. I remember my dad being much better at calming me down too than my mom.
Just because you don't see an immediate positive response doesn't mean that what you are doing has no effect on your child. Trust in yourself and look farther ahead. The change will come. I just wish it would come sooner because these times were *so* bleepin' hard to get thru in faith that what you are doing is the right thing (it is).
Oh I could have written this post... it is exhausting and I keep trying to re-frame the situation and remember it won't last but when she gets nasty and laughs at me for taking everything away and giving her three time-outs in a row, I just want to hide in the corner and cry. Bah. Like you she can sugary sweet and brillant at other times... hang in there, know you are not alone!
@Rolling! Hey there! Great to 'see' you! :)
Guys, thank you so much for the support. @Kali, I especially like what you said, that even when we don't see an immediate response, what we say/do is making a difference. Maybe somewhere down deep in their braaaaaiiiinnnnns. ;) Thank you for that.
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