Ache and pain

We joke, my husband and I, about our aches and pains, because we're getting old. He's slightly ahead of me, having passed the 40-year mark already, but I assure him I'm feeling 40 already. It looooooooms.

This week I have a pain in my neck -- not a figurative one, either. I've caused it, I'm sure. Years of 8-hour days at the computer -- yes, I take breaks and go to meetings and all, but for the most part, it's sitting in front of the screen -- plus this thing I got myself into 4 years ago: putting KT to bed. She was the infant who needed to fall asleep in my arms, and knowing she was my last baby, I let her. I soaked those nights up. I tried not to complain.

She got bigger. We rocked every night, until she was at least two, probably three -- long after the rocking chair was comfortable for both of us together. She got a big-girl bed but... well, I'm still just aiming for easy nights, and what's made it easier is staying with her for a few minutes while she lies there winding down. It's a twin bed, and I've lain on my side, elbow propping up my head, my back leaned up against her wall. All this time, I didn't realize I was probably not doing my body any favors. Sometimes it's 15-20 minutes that I stay in that position. It didn't feel uncomfortable, necessarily.

This week, it feels uncomfortable. I also blame the dumb layout of our den, and our TV-watching habit. I/we LOVE watching a little TV at the end of the day; I'm not apologizing for that. But the way I sit, on the couch, is another contributor, I think, to my feeling 40 this week. (I'm still only 38!) I either have to turn my head just slightly to see the TV, or I lie down. And it's not an ergonomic lie-down, it's propped up with some pillows so I can see, until I realize it's too many pillows, and then it's fewer pillows or none, which doesn't really feel much better... and then I'll shift to my side, elbow propping up my head again.

I want to smack myself for all of these behaviors, actually. I should have known better. The pain is mostly when I look down -- oh, I also blame looking down at my iPhone all the time (damn you, digital culture!) -- or move my head around, but there's a dull ache when I'm just sitting. And now I'm hyper-aware of it, trying to stand and sit perfectly aligned, which feels like it must look weird to other people.

DH massaged it last night, and I have a gift card to the spa from Mother's Day that I haven't scheduled yet. That is happening soon. I'm trying to stop elbow-propping altogether. I am breathing deep and stretching every chance I get. I don't feel stressed. I know which yoga poses are good for necks. I was so zen, enjoying more moments of my days, but now all I can think about is this stupid little ache.
 
It's strange how much your neck means to you.