[Monday] Sunday nights and Monday mornings make me feel like I'm not living intentionally. I read wayyyyy too much about goal-setting and productivity, and "living with intention," so my emotions are likely skewed, but when another weekend goes by and I haven't made the time to 1) Refresh my dang LinkedIn profile slash resume, and maybe even peek in on Monster.com just to see what's out there, or 2) done this or that change of address form (still), or 3) gone for a long walk/workout ... it makes me feel like I'm Doing It Wrong. But I was DOING THINGS, ALL WEEKEND, I promise. The kids' furniture got delivered (all but one piece, a mistake on the order, grrr...), and we rearranged all their stuff to accommodate it. That was most of the day Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon, too. We're really starting to finish, I think, getting moved in. :) Heh. Starting to finish. It's a long process, isn't it? I need to wash and possibly iron the dust ruffle that will now go on the guest room bed (we have a bed! in a guest room!) and then we can start arranging in there. So yes. Almost finished.
But back to the doing: We scheduled and executed playdates/sleepovers for both kids, again, and drove them there and back and around town. They can't say they didn't get to do anything fun all weekend (although Kate tried to, when she finally came home after 2 nights away - she was obviously extra-tired)...
We did lots of laundry, Shawn mowed the front and back, I went to the grocery store and Target, we went out to dinner Saturday night, and I even cooked something in the crock-pot for later this week.
We do so much.
But this whole living with intention thing is hard. Most days we just live to get through. Especially Mondays. We wake up unwillingly, we do what we have to do, we try to be present when we're parenting, and we crash by about 9:00 pm with no energy left. I know this is normal. I'm grateful for the normalcy, and for the goodness of a normal existence and a love-filled family. Is it social media/bloggers/vocal-and-optimistic-life-coaches that make us feel like we need to exist in some other, better way? Because they're sure vocal. And Visible. Online, I mean. It's everywhere. "You Could Be Happier."
[Tuesday] Last week I re-started the flextime plan, and I'm not sure it's going to work out. Our new house is further away from work, so if I don't leave by 6:10 (really difficult when you have a daughter whose circadian rhythms don't accommodate anything before 6:15), I'm not going to make it to the office before :45. And :45 means I'm already 15 minutes in the red for the day, when I already leave in the afternoon 15 minutes before when I should, just to hit the carpool line in time. (You: this is getting complicated/boring.) I don't take a lunch on those days, simply for the APPEARANCE of working harder -- even though I could, technically, still take a 30-minute lunch and have worked 8 full hours.
And you know what? I am SO OVER THIS. I am weary of being defensive about my time and counting minutes. I'm tired of feeling like the work that I DO GET DONE (all of it, every deadline met) isn't enough.
Here's my intention, and "by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving," I'm "presenting my request to God:"* I want to reduce my hours to part-time. 35 hours would be 7:30 am to 2:30 pm. Maybe 3:30 pm one day a week, to take a lunch-hour. No guilt. The difference in pay would, I believe, be manageable. It's scary to contemplate this when we've just bought a new house, and furniture. But, quality of life. I really want us to consider it without fear or resentment. I CAN CLIP COUPONS.
*Phil. 4:6-7
Putting this here to bookmark it: http://www.workoptions.com/part-time-proposal
2 comments:
Oh, Lee. I second the "tired of counting minutes" thing SO HARD. I am there. Had to cancel my vacation last week because of Urgent Deadlines and just... none of this is worth it. So I'm in the same spot.
Living intentionally... I like that. I tend to skim those articles without taking anything in but guilt, but maybe setting goals for a week or a month would help with this hamster/wheel thing that we're so blessed to be living.
I'm glad that you're getting settled in the new place!
I just rushed and rushed Madison so she could get an extra 15 minutes of sleep (10 hours total -- probably not quite enough), so I'm not feeling great about myself. And I had to rush her because I kept getting work calls during our pre-supper play time. I think I need to cool it a bit on the work front. I've gone crazy with the start of school. And why am I lucky? Because I CAN cool it. I have that power. Yes, yes, I do! (Sorry. Broke into a little self pep talk there. I know I really AM lucky.) You have my complete vote for part-time. Absolutely. Try it. Sounds like a very good move. And don't worry about the coupons (unless you enjoy it). I'm betting it's going to work out.
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