Guess who's going to take up the slack?
I've been through all the emotions already; am probably on my second round of the emotions. Grief, anger, disbelief, curiosity, WHY ME, and overwhelm. I'm trying to get my feet back under me, now that the rug has been pulled and the figurative papers are swirling around my head. Each day is a little better, I guess, but I'm still not thrilled about it. Remember my 2023 goal to "prioritize and organize my work life?" Heh. Thanks, Universe, for pushing that point, ha! Now I have even more things to fit into the puzzle and the daily round.
She was responsible for all of our printing decisions, and while the main reason she was let go (budget) indicates I'll have to do a lot LESS printing, I'm not convinced of that. I mean, thankfully, I have a secret weapon in printing (Shawn!), my own personal consultant and advisor. But still, this is something I haven't had my hands in since 2008. So it's re-learning about paper and quotes and specifications. Not hard, just not what I've gotten used to.
There's some good in this plot twist, for sure. I've become, over these last years, quite comfortable in a position of "assistant." The last 2 or 3 years, in fact, I really embraced my role and accepted that I was meant to be the "best helper" I could be. It took a lot of pressure off. I would just do the work I was given, and that is fine, that's enough! It allowed me to take my workdays fairly easily, especially with Covid and work from home. I got things done on time, and worked, don't get me wrong. I just allowed myself to "go easy." Now, though, I'm not so much a helper as THE DOER of All things Marketing. The decision maker. The person people have to ask.
The reason I say this is a good thing is, you know, necessary growth. Stretching myself. Owning my capability to handle it. (Ugh. I'd really rather be the assistant. SO much simpler.) I'm trying to think about, -- and this may be silly, but it helps me a little -- all the 20-something and 30-something women who come into new jobs with all this enthusiasm and confidence, somehow. I'm trying to think like that. To think of this as a brand-new job, one in which I need to impress and be decisive and take charge. Walking in with my hair and makeup perfect, having all the answers, asking the right questions - at least acting like I know what I'm doing, which is what most of the girls do. (I have the little advantage of already having been at the company 14 years.)
It's so not my personality! But I guess I have to try to make it work for me. Maybe I'll be SEEN, for the first time since I started here (there have always been women above me whose personalities were BIGGER and who, I feel, definitely kept me a background character). That will be different. Can I be the A-student, leader-of-clubs, Dean's List, high achiever I used to be in school and my early career? I mean, I never was a big-time career "success," but at one time I did have that drive to achieve. Whew, it was long ago! Ha! I'll have to dig deep and remember how.
On the very negative side, I miss my best work-friend. Things are not going to be the same without her.
2 comments:
Oh my GOODNESS. What a big change! I'm sorry about your friend, and about the added stress that a transition like this brings with it. I am also hoping that the increase in responsibility comes with a title change and PAY RAISE.
Your idea to pretend to be a fresh-to-the-job 20-something who is full of confidence is so smart. I love that. Especially because you actually have the background knowledge to have EARNED that confidence. Sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it.
Oh yeah -- I have NO DOUBT that you will SHINE with the new responsibilities. After all, they probably wouldn't have let her go if they didn't think you could handle it. Hope it's just a LITTLE challenging and hope some things about it are FUN! (And hope you still have time to post occasionally! :)
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