- Work is completed to the best of my ability but not with a full-on, study and achieve, become a leader, professional success, real go-getter mentality. C-
- Stupid additional freelance business I keep talking about isn't happening. Even the gig I interviewed for hasn't come through. they probably didn't like me. I had no business cards, no good set rates, no answers to their (stupid) questions - FAIL
- Kids - I feel like I'm in a fog with them half the time; I do okay but there's lots of TV, not enough educational fun, my 4-year-old's been to the library with me exactly once, when he was 2 - C-
- I often go to bed without washing my face and I'm 34 now and it's starting to show with uneven complexion and crap - FAIL
- I make great dinners... out of a box or a bag. My best friends are Lipton/Knorr and Kraft - C-
- Can't keep the house clean to save my life.
- Don't have the right clothes, right professional briefcase, right shoes
- Church, ohhhhh church. The tending of my childrens' souls... FAIL...
When I got home I let it all out and shed 3 or 4 tears into DH's collar. He is so good to have around -- he's not your typical man that shuns emotions like sadness. He understands. I'm lucky, there. I felt better after getting it out, talking it through, and I feel better this morning.
13 comments:
I wouldn't say FAIL - as there is still a ways to go before a final grade can be given, maybe an incomplete, but definitely not a fail. I would score you in these:
Being a great Wife = A+
Being a great Friend = A+
Taking care of your Family = A+
Give yourself some credit here - The degree of difficulty scores far outweigh the execution scores (Olympics terminology)
Feel exactly the same EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Right there with ya.
((HUGS))
**hugs**
I fail at those too .. even the library - once when he was 2
so, if you compare yourself to ME and not "perfect mom/wife/employee" you'd score much higher!!
and YAY for awesome husbands!! (and in MY house ..YAY for Noggin)
oh and for the "awesome 2nd cousin" portion you left out I give you a A+
Have you ever seen that Sandra Lee cooking show? She uses bags and boxes and still makes a great meal out of it. She's not ashamed of it and neither should you be. We're way past the 50s when everything was made from scratch. Who the heck has time for THAT?
I think you're doing great and are way too hard on yourself. Said the pot to the kettle.
Awesome daughter: A+ You're such a good friend to your old ma. What would I do without you???
Clothes and shoes and a briefcase don't matter much. Your house always looks clean, even if you don't think it's scrubbed-clean. You always make yummy meals (YAY, moo, for the reminder about Sandra Lee!).
YAY for maryb and mandy who know just where you're coming from.
And YAY for your awesome DH who gives you such awesome scores. A+ for him too!
Y'all are great. I think it's strange that my little work goof triggered this huge measure of inadequacy. I go in cycles -- not necessarily monthly cycles, either -- where I feel good, like "I am GETTING IT DONE, working mom RAWRR" and then back to "I AM NOT doing anything well."
Yesterday my mind just got the better of me, I guess. It was really weird, I knew I was thinking too much about it -- it snowballed. And then I also did some emotional eating - knee-jerk response. And was aware of that (diet=FAIL). ;) But like I said, today I'm okay. Like it was a quick dip into the depression pool - almost underwater - but I'm all dried off now.
I get that way too, last week my dad snapped at me for something and I went to my room and cried (it was like being a teenager all over again) .. and it wasnt so much what my dad said/did , it was the trigger to all sorts of things I felt bad about myself and how I suck, thank you for writing this post .... I think an important thing to keep in mind that we are all healthy enough to be sad then "get over it" and see its not so bad ... and healthy enough to share it;)
el-e-e blog writing: A++
It's amazing how things are more cope-able after a night's sleep. That, and bubble-baths. When I don't perform up to my own unrealistic expectations, and a boss or co-worker points our my goof/oversight...well...let's just say that it can get into a global downward spiral REAL fast if I am the least bit sleep-deprived.
I wallow in the self pity party until even I can recognize how overboard I have gotten. Somewhere in the first hour of a bubble bath and the following morning I generally manage to "right-size" the emotional situation.
People who do not fail, do not try new things, do not learn new things...so, go out there and FAIL, baby!
Glad to hear things look better in the morning. Of course we all have these moments. And while we shouldn't wallow in them or beat ourselves up about them, maybe they have their uses. I know when I go through a phase like that I usually come out feeling like I have identified something constructive I can work on.
You are doing the best you can I'm sure. I can tell things must be looking up, when your own DH posts such a great comment. :)
Dude, you know what we need is an elementary school teacher filling out our grades for us. No one can grade herself: we're way too harsh.
I'm failing Kindness and Patience and Gentleness recently. Feels crappy.
Sounds like you've got a great support system to help you through the rough times. It's not easy feeling like you have to do it all and do it all perfectly! Kudos for getting it out of your system and feeling better about things!
Yeah stop being so hard on yourself. Sure there's areas where we all need to improve but try to think about some of the good things too. And try to tackle the things you want to improve one at a time.
What swistle said is so true - I think getting actual report cards would help most of us. No one is harder on us than we are; we remember every mistake, every time we were short with our kids, and completely gloss over all the wonderful things we do. I've found that's one of the hardest things about growing up, the dearth of positive affirmation for all that you're doing right. I'm certain you're doing so much more right than you think you are!
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