Sometimes motherhood is Such Hard Work, y'all.
(Understate, much?)
We all find our little ways to get through the tough parts, especially at 1:00 a.m. MightyMaggie recently caught herself saying Hail Marys, and rediscovered the phrase full of grace. Her post struck a chord with me, because oh, MAN, I've prayed that prayer too sometimes when I'm desperately tired, but STILL AWAKE with a baby. Oh, Man. Dear Mary, YOU understand. YOU DID THIS, TOO. Please pray for me, and let me have just a teensy bit of your grace in motherhood. (NOT that I'm devout enough to pray as a usual response to midnight wakings. Usually I'm more grumbly than prayer-y, or still trying to figure out whatever wacko dream I've been shaken from ...while trying to find KT's (always missing!) pacifier.)
One night when I was baby-pacing and cold because KT's room is so stupid and badly insulated, and she was fitful on my shoulder and just wouldn't settle down, the thought crossed my mind -- it has to be God speaking when this happens, right? -- "What a privilege, to hold this child." I'm telling you this NOT because I am so wise and calm to KNOW THAT, but because I want to remember it, myself. That one thought has really kept me in check through KT's infanthood, and carries over into daytime life, too. When 29-pound AJ wants me to carry him down the stairs EVERY MORNING and I think, "But my knees hurt and I'm tired and he's HEAVY," I'm reminded that it's simply a privilege to carry him. Not only because of all the women in the world who'd do anything to have a 4-year-old to carry downstairs... but a little because of that. A little because he'll be 15 one day and won't let me near him. And a little because it just IS. A privilege and a gift to be a mother. To have need to beg for grace.
Maybe "privilege" is just another word, another way to say I'm counting my blessings. But it gets to the heart of each of my moments, lately, most especially the tender little ones with my family. I might have to call it a resolution for 2009: To recognize this life, all of it, as a privilege.
10 comments:
Well said. It's nice to be reminded occasionally to recognize how good my life is!
Very nice post.
Also, your 4 year old is 29 pounds? Wow. My 4 year old is 42 pounds, and also would still like to be carried every now and then.
I have felt this same way lately! Nicely put.
3carnations - my 3 year old is 41+ lbs as well!
Way to show me up in the eloquence dept. :)
And whenever I manage to crawl out of my bad attitude I have those privilege moments too.
Oh please, maggie.
AJ is, and has always been, in the 5th percentile for height/weight. He's a peanut!
I've been reading your blog off and on for a while. I found you through 'A Yankee's Guide'. I'm quite fond of MB! I also have a 9 month old baby and there are still a few nights we are up at 1 or 3 or 5 AM (or all three). I used to grumble too. Then I noticed my baby isn't a baby anymore! Now I almost jump out of bed to hang out in her room in the wee hours when everyone else is sleeping. I even rearrange 'problem' rooms in my head. Why do women like to rearrange furniture so much??? I usually fix the problem rooms while rocking Al to sleep and the next day you'll find me moving furniture or all the stuff on the kitchen counter. Somehow I've made these wakings productive! My knees creak also while carrying my 3-year old down the steps. I think the same thing...someday he won't want me to carry him or hug him or hang out in his playroom with him. Might as well take advantage of all his invitations now. I'll deal with my creaky knees later.
I meant that "oh please" to maggie in the nicest way.. like, "oh, please, you are fabulous and always eloquent and I heart you." :)
I thought about this post ... this privilege ... when I was up throughout the night with a sick girl. That warm, cuddled body, so glad you came to rescue it ... a privilege.
I'll bet Jesus was a really easy baby. Like, "But little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes" all day and all night. I'll bet Mary's later children were a BIG SHOCK.
wow, great post ... something to really think about more often:)
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