You know you're a grown-up when

I have to take my laptop with me on vacation next week. Unfortunately, we had another hiccup to our daily round, and had to attend my father-in-law's funeral Monday and Tuesday in Savannah. I don't want to treat it lightly, because a funeral never is, and his had its emotional moments. But I don't know that my blogging about it is appropriate or necessary. At least not right now.
I'm trying to think of all these days off (sick leave for Kate, bereavement, moving days) as God gifting me with more non-work time than usual this summer. It's nice in that way and I do recognize it.

But what I'm mulling over right now is my job. Sigh, this job. I don't know what I hoped it would be... a little more glamorous? A little less like a peon? Yes, a little less like a peon slash worker-bee slash dump-ee was what I was hoping for. (Not that I'm "better" than a worker-bee, of course. But you know? You want to advance a little bit.) And that has not panned out. In one publication, one entity, I have a nice title of "Editor," but it does not carry any authority, and that bums me out a bit.

I do good work here. My colleagues thank me for it annually with good reviews, and I earn a very good paycheck. I know that work is work, and there are things that are sometimes unpleasant about it. It's not called "play." I don't believe work will ever be more fun than it is work. That's a farce.

But I don't know if this place is where I'm meant to land for The Duration. I'm tired of the Drama of this place. So much stupid drama. And I'm tired of the excuse of "the down economy" that has pared us to so few people per "department." How can you call it a department if there are only 2 people, and one of those (not me, thank goodness) is serving a role in a different department as well? My job is not all-tech, nor all-creative. It's both, all the time, plus some secretarial work thrown in for good measure. I truly wish I had a simpler job description. Much simpler. I used to think I'd make a great Receptionist for some big company. And I'd keep a novel under my desk for when it was quiet. And I could do freelance writing on the side, to make up the pay I'd have to relinquish to step down to that kind of calm work. (Ha. I'm sure it's not actually calm.) I doubt that job exists anymore. I know our receptionist does much more than just answer the phones and "put you through to his voice mail."(Well, besides that I don't want to be a receptionist and be chained to the phone. All right, fine.)

And also, I just bought a new house, so I definitely need this level of salary. But I do find myself wondering if I could go to a recruiter and find a company that runs itself better, where my skills would be equally appreciated. I don't know.

I have to take my laptop with me to the beach next week and check emails every day, at least. Not because I'm a very important executive, but because I have an over-supply of tasks that only I can do. So I'm punished for that, by not being able to actually take a true vacation.

It sucks, and it's normal for the American worker, and that sucks. (At least one cousin will also be working during our vacation week, so there's that. And in years past, other cousins have, too. Misery loves company, I suppose.)