Mid-December update

I feel like I'm forgetting to just observe my mind and not believe everything. My mind is trying to tell me that there's a lot to do, "and you still haven't started this and that and the other, and you need to have it all planned to the minute and get another gift for X person and hurry hurry don't forget!!" But not all of that is true. I need to breathe. (I need to take 15 minutes and close my eyes to breathe, I mean. Every day. How is it that all my coping mechanisms have gone out the window, when I was just here, proclaiming that they're how I cope so well!?)

We have done some festive baking, without too much hurry or stress. Sugar cookies with icing and sprinkles, an easy "funfetti" cookie with M&Ms, and the first batch of peanut clusters last night. (It just isn't Christmas without them.) Kate's been dying to bake and bake and bake. When I'm not rolling my eyes as she explodes eggs into the batter instead of gently cracking them, I think she enjoys herself. Bless it. There's no other way for them to practice, I guess, than to make messes. And I know that in the long run, letting her spill and stir and help clean up teaches her confidence, and that I trust her and love being/doing with her, no matter what mistakes she makes. Important! (But it is a little test for me to stay patient.) I want to get Alex involved, too, but he manages to always be working on something else when we're in the kitchen.

The last 2 weekends have been easy, with very few plans or commitments. I'm grateful. We ordered Chinese food one Friday night, went to a cozy pizza place for dinner early last Saturday, then came home and watched Christmas movies all piled up on the couch. We've had our typical chores and errands, but nothing much additional. No choir party this year... no extra birthday parties, somehow... no need for dressing up or getting a babysitter. It's good. Although I'd really like to go to some kind of Christmas concert (or the Nutcracker) at some point while the kids are young, I'm glad we haven't had to work it into our calendar right now. Maybe there will be one at a church this weekend.

I wonder if my working hard to stay calm is what's also slowing me down at work. I just don't have any drive. Or is this time of year is always quiet at work (something I should certainly be grateful for)? I'm unsure. None of my projects interest me. Some are writing projects, but those are hard to start. And I often feel like I work in a vacuum: my closest team members now are in the UK and Germany. There's not enough idea-bouncing. Or something. New for me this year, I'm planning content months in advance. It's really hard to be interested when the deadline isn't until March or April. Ah, well. I did get a raise, thanks to Shan's kind negotiating it. Not a huge raise, and it sounds like she really had to push our grouchy German head of HR to get even that, but I'm grateful.

So I guess the tl;dr is that we're having a fairly quiet Advent, when I manage to turn off the voices in my head. :) I'm lighting candles nearly every night, and waiting for Christmas to come.