Genealogy moment

My mom has taken to sending these emails to my sister and me, called "genealogy moments," on certain birthdays or anniversaries. (Because she's a [very lovable] genealogy nerd! She goes to genealogy camp and everything!) Sometimes the emails are about things we know, like our own grandparents' birthdays, and sometimes they're things we might have heard before, but don't think about very often. Here is today's, and it's one of our most interesting family stories, I think:

Your dad's grandmother, Radegundi "Gundi" W___, was born this day in 1874 or 1876 (conflicting reports). Her mother died when she was a baby. Her father didn't know what to do with all his children without his wife, so he sent some of them to be raised by the nuns; Gundi was one of those. She came to the USA when she was a teenager, traveling alone on a ship. Her brothers had paid her passage, but she didn't know that it included meals so she didn't eat for days. I guess she finally found out she could eat too. After arriving in NYC she traveled to Chicago, still alone, where 2 of her brothers, Frank and George, were living. She married Ferdinand R______ in Chicago in 1894. They must have attended the Chicago World's Fair in 1893, don't you think?

Can you imagine sending your child across the ocean, to be raised by the nuns??? Crazy. P.S. Yesterday was, incidentally, the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation! Learned this from a friend on Facebook (I had no recollection of the actual date). *Points to self* Officially OLD.

Five months of non-fiction

Since finishing The Hunger Games trilogy, I haven't read any fiction except for a couple of The 39 Clues books that AJ is reading. That's since January, my friends, and that is a record for me, in lack of fiction.

It hasn't been entirely on purpose, but I have surprised myself by enjoying it. I'm not reading history books either, it's all been self-help-ish. I've wondered if this is the beginning of my mid-life crisis. Or, mid-life re-evaluation, or something.

I started this course, as I say, unintentionally, with Committed, by Liz Gilbert, only because I'd heard it's as good as Eat, Pray, Love. And you know, her stuff reads kind-of like a novel so it was a perfect segue. I'm still not through it completely but I do love her voice.

I got distracted, though, when we were having all of our stress. I believe I mentioned I had to pull Parenting with Love & Logic back off my shelf, to remind myself how to parent. (It's been going better, by the way. Mostly... KT's battle of choice these days has switched from bedtime to bathtime. We don't WANNNNNNNNNT to wash our hair, everEVER. Not with new fancy shampoo, not at the kitchen sink *just like a salon!*, not nowhere, no-how. SOMETIMES, if Daddy lets us dump water on HIS head, we will allow someone to then dump water on our head. But not always.)

I also discovered No Regrets Parenting, and have it on my Kindle. I was stopped in my tracks reading the author's tweets about how "the days are long, but the years are short." He sends this one out every few days: "Only 940 Saturdays from birth to age 18 -- if your kid is 5, you've used up 260 already. What are you doing this weekend??" AAAAACCCKKK. Gets me right in the heart. So I've not even read two chapters of his book; I'd like to, but I feel like I'm wasting PRECIOUS MOMENTS if I sit down with it.

And then, I've been dealing with the yuckiness that comes with a desk job a little bit, too. Specifically, not enjoying the desk job. Happens perennially. So I grabbed a book called Off Balance by Matthew Kelly. Its premise is this: "Work-Life Balance is a myth, and no one actually wants that, anyway." I love this idea. No one wants their work life and their personal life to be equal-time! Besides that, you only get ONE life, not two. What we all really WANT is Personal and Professional Satisfaction. If that means less time at work, then you have to work to make that happen. If you'll be more satisfied with more career success, then you'll have to sacrifice other things to GET that satisfaction. The book had a quiz, "How Satisfied Are You?", which I lapped up like a kitten to milk; true story -- I am "finding moderate levels of personal and professional satisfaction." This actually surprised me because, of course, I started reading the book in a time of what I thought were pretty cruddy levels of satisfaction. I'm only disappointed that it doesn't seem to have acute tips, like "Step 1, Step 2..." but I'm not finished with it yet.

Then, I've tweeted at least twice about how much I'm loving zenhabits.net. Mindfulness, how to be happy, how to live well.... all of that just seems to be feeding my soul right now. I'm learning a lot.

But I'm also ready for some great STORY to come along and indulge my literary needs. :)

Morning

dooce posted this and it put a lump in my throat. Thought I should share.

Stock-taking

Eek. I need to get! moving! on a few things:

1. Learn how to make real frosting. We made a cake for New Year's Eve and I used Pillsbury's canned chocolate frosting. I'm sorry, Pillsbury, in general I do love you, but I've decided that canned frosting is not worth my $2.49. ...Tried once; haven't tried again.



2. Have our giant yard sale and clean up the basement.  ...We've priced things; have a few to go; maybe in 2 weeks? Spring will be over soon...


3. Get my personal business files in order and create The Spreadsheet.


4. Contact a law office and get our wills written.


5. Continue working out and possibly run a 5K. Possibly, I said.  ...Argh.


6. Do better with vegetables and my kids. (KT ate - and loved - spinach yesterday though! Cooked spinach!)


7. My photo albums. This will be finished by the end of January, so help me God. ...FINISHED!


8. Finish replacing all the blinds in our house. (There are a few rooms with old-style, crumbling venetian (metal) blinds, and I hate them.)


9. Paint/redecorate the master bath.


10. Clean all the tile/grout. Three bathrooms, one toothbrush, hands and knees. I haven't done it in a very long time and it shows!!  ... Did one bathroom. Still need to do the other two! Bleh.

Becoming a trend?

Remember when I took the kids to the Aquarium during Spring Break, and they behaved like angels and I could barely believe my luck?

They have done it AGAIN.

On our anniversary last Saturday, we didn't get a babysitter but still wanted to go out and celebrate, and I had also decided that there's no reason a celebration of our marriage shouldn't include our kids, so we ventured to the town square, hoping to visit a favorite little Italian place. [Aside: I have never considered myself a lover of Italian restaurants or cuisine. And for a date, it's so cheesy, right? Every movie and TV show always puts the dating scene at an Italian restaurant and I've never felt that spaghetti/pasta (cheap, messy) and meatballs (balls... of meat?) are particularly romantic -- especially not now, when I make spaghetti in my own kitchen 2-3 times a month. I don't know. I mean, obviously we order the grown-up entrees like Chicken Marsala and Lobster Ravioli, but still. I just find it amusing every time I report that we have been to a "favorite Italian place." Like, Who Am I?]

KT's usual claim is that she doesn't LIIIIKE that restaurant, whichever restaurant it is besides McDonald's or Stevi B's Pizza, so I wasn't real hopeful we could make it happen without at least one meltdown. But we did!! Serendipitously, the only tables available were outside. We knew that was the better option, anyway,  to drown out our noise with passing cars and not bother the other patrons. And the weather was perfect. Almost too warm, but not quite. The kids ordered and ate their food (plain pasta for KT, spaghetti with a giant meatball for AJ), drank WATER (miracle) willingly, stayed in their chairs, and were generally so pleasant that I declared it one of the BEST anniversary dates we've ever had! (I hope DH wasn't offended by that.)

This weekend is AJ's First Communion and Grandparents' Day at his school, so ya-ya-ma and Papa Joe arrive this afternoon. The kids have been COUNTING DOWN and are so excited. Yesterday they both kept saying, "I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait."

We have a lot of plans for the weekend, and I think it's going to be a good one. :)

My heart

KT says, "mommy, I can hear your heart beep."

Heart beep, you guys.

:)


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My truths, this week

1. Blessing my circumstances. Waking up thankful for everything I can think of.
2. Love and logic (still trying!). "Uh-oh! Looks like you're having another tantrum. That's too bad. I can't think with all this noise going on, so I need to take you to your room. Would you like to stay there with the door open or closed??" Lalala!
3. Keeping perspective about work. Sometimes on the weekends I get a feeling/reminder that my job is so small in the grand scheme of things, and shouldn't be something I fret or get stressed over. It's laughable, really, the daily details of jobs. Totally laughable. Something to laugh at, to distract me for 8 hours a day, to bring home a paycheck. Nothing more.
4. On the flipside of that coin, my job IS actually a ministry to our end-users. I am lucky to have the opportunity every day to do some of the work that Jesus modeled and advised -- aiding the sick, specifically -- in my daily tasks, even if it's indirectly. So I'm trying to keep that in mind.
5. Eating well to fuel, and getting more much-needed exercise. [Countdown to beach week and] I want, on a personal scale, to be an athlete. Or at least a fitness aficionado.

It's a lot

Not gonna lie, Internet: This whole week has been hard. This afternoon has dragggggged on, as most Fridays do, but this one more than usual. I went home for lunch, but that activity has been rendered weird/sad since no little furry head is there to greet me quizzically with his, "What are you doing here during my daytime nap?" look. There's no one so say "bye" to when I go out the garage door to go back to work. It's just not right. I got a gut-punch feeling in my stomach while I was there, and kept thinking I just didn't care about anything, definitely not about going back to my stupid politics-and-secrets office.

And I feel silly saying all this about a dog, especially when I didn't have to do the hard part of being there at the moment. DH is likely suffering more. I know nobody who's ever loved a pet could hold it against me, and that it's normal and he was a family member and all of that stuff. I know it, but I just can't grant myself permission not to feel slightly "get over it" toward myself.

Then we've had extra tantrums from KT, who only had fever for about 12 hours on Tuesday/Wednesday but whose mood has remained crappy. I know she's under stress, too -- she has asked every day, "Where is Polie?" and "Why is Polie in Heaven?" so she's processing it slowly -- but the stupidity surrounding her bedtime (not to mention her waking up time) is just about to kill me dead. Last night my choir practice was cancelled, but the previous night I had declared in ALL CAPS That I was DONE putting her to bed, DONE!! Poor DH replied, rightly, "Don't get mad at me!" So last night, as I was saying, I went out anyway, even though I had nowhere to go. I took a book I felt it was time to revisit -- Parenting with Love and Logic, thank you again for the years-ago recommend, MB -- and do you know what I did? I ran away. From my 4-YEAR-OLD. To A BAR. I had a glass of red wine (okay, two) and sat there in silence for 2 hours and it was nice, but felt wrong. For one thing, I've never gone to a bar by myself. I'm a 37-year-old adult but I felt like I was getting away with something. Or that people would look at me funny. For another thing I felt guilt for leaving DH with a potential tantrum. I pray alot when I do that -- please give him patience, please give him the patience that I never seem to have. I mean, I know us moms have to have our me-time, but still. I just thought it would be easier, after my declaration, if I weren't in the house as even an OPTION for her (since I'm usually not there on Thursday nights anyway). I don't know what I'll do tonight when she begs and pleads for me to put her to bed, not Daddy. I will have to refuse - I can't do it. She uses me up while the Disney Princesses CD plays in the background. (Unless I turn it off when she makes an unwise CHOICE. Like hitting me.)

I love that Love & Logic book but damn if I can perform the antics that it advises. Antics, meaning, "STAY CALM and IN CONTROL," hahahaha, and just use logical consequences and smirk to yourself because you're so much smarter than your 4-year-old. I don't know, Internet, I may not BE smarter than my four-year-old. A lot of times I think she outsmarts me.

It's just too much stress right now, from all sides. The work side and the personal side. I've presented myself as a flake at AJ's school twice this week via fax, because I can't remember which forms are due when, or how much to write the check for.

I did one thing right in all this noise: Yesterday afternoon I made the kids turn off the ever-lovin' TV to help me make dinner (pasta with zucchini, baked in the oven). We pulled up chairs and took turns, and had dance parties while we waited for the oven to heat up, and the pasta to boil. That was fun and good medicine for all of us. (Vegetable Ninjas!)

I hope that a good weekend, a date night with DH and another couple of friends, and The Hunger Games (odd choice for a pick-me-up, I know) will pick me up. I need to get back on the treadmill, back out in the sunshine. Back to normal.

Today

My day so far:

Still grieving/getting used to the loss of Polie...

KT=101.3 fever=home with me...

(working at home?? Probably not)

Had to get food to AJ's school for lunch today, since dog and fever situations prevented it from happening Mon or Tues....

Costco doesn't open until 10...

First Lunch starts at 10:30...ack...!

on the way between Costco and school a cop pulled out behind me, making my heart POUND...

It's 11:00 a.m. And I'm ready for my wine.






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Good boy.

Napoleon (Polie)
1996 - 2012

We will sure miss that face.

It would have been an outdoor picnic, if not for allergies!

Being back in the office after a lovely 5-day Spring Break/Easter weekend is really no fun at all. Good thing my Lenten ban on blogging during work hours has been lifted!

My mind feels quite distanced from the buzz of work, after taking Wednesday through Friday of last week off. I needed it -- we have been straddling ridiculous levels of politics and nonsense at my office (in fact, one coworker is, at this very moment, running up and down the hall behind me, trying to complete a task for the Prez, I guess, but... ugh. annoying AND stressy). I was free to Not Think About it during my days off, and that was a mental break I greatly appreciated. I don't know how much office politics you deal with on a daily basis. I, myself, have never dealt with as much as I'm dealing with now. It's not directly related to my job, thankfully -- it's upper executive level stuff, like Org Charts and Restructuring and who reports to whom, hiring and firings, and why won't they tell us "X," (even though we already know through the grapevine) and "your budget has been frozen," and all kinds of stuff -- really. All going on at the same time, and all without any end in sight.

Never mind your actual work deadlines. Hahahaha. (That program might get cut, anyway. But might not. So do your best! Wheee!)

It makes for draining workdays and the desire for a glass of wine most every night. I typically resist but I probably deserve it.

So during our break, we took trips to the park (AJ rode his bike a full mile! And we're still on training wheels at age 7.5, which is another topic, but I'm proud of him), did errands, ate more than our share of french fries at lunches/dinners out, and on Friday the kids and I braved the Georgia Aquarium with all the rest of Atlanta's living humans. I knew it would be crowded, the last day of many districts' Spring Breaks, but I kept telling myself, "We'll make the best of it. We'll just make the best of it." And I was rewarded with kids who behaved, stayed close, didn't whine (even when it was lunchtime and MY tummy was growling, and we had to wait in epic lines), and were just really, truly cooperative. They didn't even go for the most expensive items in the Gift Shop, but were content with a 3D bookmark (AJ) and a little fish-shaped keychain (KT). I think it was a day that they'll remember fondly, and I will, too. I was proud of myself for going alone; I would have liked to experience it together with DH (he was working that day), but honestly I don't think he would have had as much fun because of the crowds. Is not a big fan. And I really wanted to go during Spring Break, so I had to make it happen.

Unfortunately, we have also had another situation brewing. Our dog has not been well. In fact, he's been in the hospital now for 5 full days and nights, and we don't know what's going to happen next. It's been hard to continue to put on the "vacation" face for the kids while we know a decision could be imminent. And we also want to give their first experience of old age/pet death the dignity and life-lesson attention it deserves. I'm waiting for a call from DH with an update. The dog is 15 and a half, and the end has loomed now for at least a year, as his eyesight has gone, and his hearing, and his arthritic hips have made it hard for him to navigate our house. This new issue (vestibular disease, if you're interested) has brought extra difficulty. The problem is, he doesn't seem to be in pain at the moment (we saw him Saturday), he just can't walk. I know that if an animal his age can't do his business on his own - and he can't right now - it's probably time, but oh, it's hard to say that it's time.

Updated to add: in case anyone Googles vestibular disease and happens upon this page, the doctors said he must have also had something else going on because he wasn't responding to the antibiotics, and vestibular disease usually is treatable. They speculate a mild stroke or a tumor.

On the bright side, my house is clean, our taxes are filed, and laundry is done. We had a really nice Easter Sunday, with plenty of candy, thumbs-up on the baskets, an easy church (and parking) experience including the Hallelujah chorus, and lunch at a restaurant with no wait. Oh, and we had a floor picnic of BLTs and deviled eggs for supper. :)

What's been going on with you?

Thoughts, mostly on churchy things

I've started and stopped posts a few times over the course of this month, but never have gone back to finish them. (It turns out I may never write a blog post at home again, I guess. I keep waiting for inspiration to strike in the evening hours, but... nothing. So Lent has meant a full abstinence from blogging, which wasn't the intent -- the intent was to use my work-time more productively.) But it's Monday morning and I never want to just gear up and get to work on Monday. I prefer to eeeeeeease myself into it with some online news reading, some Facebooking, and today, a little blog posting.

Yesterday I hiked up Kennesaw Mountain. All the way to the top, and all by myself. It was a pretty day, and I dropped AJ off at his First Communion workshop at church, and found myself with 2 hours to kill. The mountain is right around the corner so off I went. I had worn good shoes on purpose. The park was FULL of hikers and walkers and picnickers, and it was the perfect day. I am so glad I did it, even though my glutes wanted to kill me, and will probably want to kill me even more by tomorrow! I do love a good walk in the woods, though. It was a long workout AND a mental treat.

This week my manager is out of town, and since I'm the only other team member, I'm hoping things will be relatively quiet at work. (Ha, ha. Doubt it.) And then next week is AJ's Spring Break, for which I have Wed, Th, and Friday off. Hooray!

Of course, a chorister never has Holy Week off, and I'm not really looking forward to all of those committments. I've never made the DH or kids attend any Holy Week services, but I'm thinking this year they should all go to Holy Thursday Mass. They won't like that. I get so much pushback about going to Mass and especially when it's a non-Sunday event. I suppose that's normal for kids. I wish it were more fun for them. Speaking of fun at Mass, at AJ's workshop yesterday, the kids got to taste the bread and wine. You should have seen their faces! Haha! Most of them winced about the wine, but later AJ told me it was the bread that tasted the worst. Like paper, he said, and asked 20 minutes later if he could have some water to wash the taste out of his mouth. "You'll get used to it," I said.

When I was a new communicant (i.e., a kid), I remember I liked to go to different parishes and see what their bread tasted like. ;) I remember when we moved from Texas to Florida, it was a whole new kind of hosts and took a long time to get used to. I hope First Communion will be special for AJ but I'm not trying to push a lot of theology on him. I think part of the reason it works to have 1st Communion at this age, is that it's just simple. They don't need to understand everything about it yet, they just need to be open to it. It's hard to resist telling him all the things I think he should know, and I have let myself babble a few times when we've worked on the at-home lessons, about how it's a gift, and how Jesus wants to be with us, and how we all share in the meal together... and then I try to shut myself up.

It's sweet and somewhat satisfying to watch a child's faith take root in the traditional order, same as it was when I was young. It is also a comfort to send them to Catholic school (or CCD, I imagine, would feel equally comforting), because you know they're getting the catechesis that isn't so easy to just bring up at home in everyday conversation.

Two possibilities

Sometimes when I feel really moody/grouchy, like no one really likes me, and I'm feeling still fat from pregnancies 4 and 8 years ago, and I hate my neighbors, and I don't have the right clothes/shoes, and my kids are monsters, and I hate my job, and 'a day like this is not how my life was supposed to turn out' and and and... I start to wonder if it isn't the Devil himself, using his tools, despair and hatred, to bring me to his terrible dark side. I know that sounds WAY over the top, but what else can it be when those feelings are so far out of the realm of Truth? The Truth says that my life is blessed beyond measure. The Truth is that God loves me and has shown me that in numerous ways! Loving husband! Excellent children! Enough money. Enough food to eat! Plus Friends! Talents! How else, then, could I ever have such dark, awful feelings?

Of course, rational people don't normally talk about the Devil. (Even though rational people are allowed to talk about God.) I don't know. To say that Despair and Hatred are tools of the Devil makes an awful lot of sense to me.

But then, to write those feelings off as "not of myself," but of the Evil one, is much too easy. I get off scott-free if I blame him. Although I WOULD like to blame him. So then I think, well, I am weak. I have been sorely tempted to feel those things, and I have given in! I have wallowed, even. Nearing closer and closer to the dark side. (Ohhh, the Catholic conscience. Sheesh.)

So that's when I pray for strength to NOT BE TEMPTED. Or... for forgiveness. Is feeling depressed/moody/grouchy sinful? I don't know. I don't WANT that to be true, for me or for others who have much worse bouts of depression. It seems extreme. I am pretty sure there are some biochemicals involved, as well. But at least for me, sometimes, I think it is sinful. Giving in to Despair means rejecting Joy, and rejecting God and His love. (I guess... Gosh, could it get any worse? Feeling bad about feeling bad??)

On a smaller scale, it's part of what I'm working on this Lent. Fighting the dark side with a small LOL in brackets. Putting Good Thoughts out into the world and rejecting the mean ones, even just with my co-workers : There are some who drive me crazy. CRAZY. When I see them coming, my mind automatically goes "BLEH, there comes Crazy Suzy. SO annoying, I hate how XX she is." I don't say  mean things, mind you. I'm trying to fight that (hatred/despair) thought-response and instead think, "[record scratch] ...Crazy Suzy is a mom like me; she's trying her best today to get it all done." or "Crazy Suzy deserves for me to be kind to her."

-----

Other times when I'm moody, I realize I haven't exercised in several days and I could really use an endorphin boost. Because, truly, if there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that exercise helps balance my outlook, and if I don't get enough of it, that's when I get grouchy and stressed. (And mean! Watch out, husband; watch out, coworkers!)


It's hard to tell which of these two things it really is.

Whew. Scheduling.

I've been in a scheduling tizzy for 2 or 3 days since February is when you have to start planning Spring Break and summer camp activities, for the love. February! Thank goodness we had that extra day this year or I might not have managed it. I was bitten by the summer camp bug because a friend -- a real live friend, a school mom that I like and have even been to her house a couple of times and she to mine, so it's like, really real friends! ;)... mentioned that she was looking at Camp Sunshine and was anyone else interested in looking with her? So I jumped. Clicked right through to that Camp Sunshine website. I have been thinking that AJ, being 7 now, might be looking for a little more variety in his summertime schedule, rather than the same old, same old daycare "summercamp" he has now attended 3 times.

When I mentioned this to him, of course, he said, "But I'll be a SENIOR camper this year!" hahaha. Color me wrong, then, I guess he thinks that Senior daycare camp is a lot different from Junior daycare camp, which... I doubt it. But anyway...

So Camp Sunshine (not its real name) is about an hour away, has a good organization behind it, good outdoor adventuring and other values that it teaches, and has archery. The archery is what AJ is interested in. These are the things I learned in the 30 minutes I spent peeking at their website during work hours on Monday (Lent promises didn't include random web surfing!). And the cost seemed QUITE reasonable. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting, but less than $700 for a week sounds like a bargain to me, actually, for a sleepaway summercamp. No idea why, it isn't like I've done a lot of research.

My friend and I wanted to be sure that our boys get in on the same week, and in the same cabin, so we've been back and forth, meanwhile trying to convince the boys that they do really want to try it, and convince our husbands that the kids can handle it (both dads are a bit more hesitant than us moms, which I find sweet/odd)... and I've felt a little panicky about it.

But today, we decided on a week, and I got AJ registered and and my $100 deposit paid. Whew.

THEN at dinner, when KT was telling us about ballet, which she has on Thursdays, I remembered about her spring recital. Her very FIRST ballet recital.

DOOM.

If we go forward with the camp, AJ leaves on Sunday, June 3rd, and I was convinced that the recital was the same day. Seems logical, a kids' recital on a Sunday afternoon. I was absolutely crestfallen, thinking we'd have to split up the duties, and I take AJ to camp since it was my idea (can't just let him ride with a friend for his FIRST TIME) while DH watched KT in her FIRST TIME on a stage, without me. OMG, can you imagine?? I mean, sure there's HD video but OMG. Not to mention sweet big brother, asking if we would please take video so he could watch the recital after he returned from [this new] camp [that Mommy seems really excited about but I'm still not quite sure...]. Heartbreak!

I guess I worried it enough to make it better, because after I came home from choir rehearsal I looked up my paperwork for ballet, and the recital is actually on Saturday, June 2, THANK THE LORD ABOVE.

Really, having panic attacks about my JUNE schedule right now?! A little much. (Not to even mention the fact that I think my baby is old enough to go away to sleepaway camp for a week... don't I? Isn't he? Eek.)

Lenten fast... fast!

I'm updating quickly so you'll know why the long silence - I have given up blogging, Google Reader, and Sparkpeople.com, the three sites where I manage to waste the most of my workdays, for Lent. During workday hours only. It turns out the last thing I want to do after work is turn on the computer. Go figure. I don't want to completely lose touch with the Internet for 40 days, but I do need to trim down the time I spend goofing off from 9 to 5. Heh. Plus, I couldn't bear the thought of giving up tortilla chips, which was the other thing I considered.

I got over my cold. AJ and KT both seem to have the sniffles now so I'm avoiding them. (Kidding.)

This past weekend we did nothing. NUH-THING. I let the kids totally zone out on Disney teen comedies (awesome parenting). I dusted the house and sang at 2 Masses, but that's about it. It was lovely.

There are a lot of things percolating in my brain (possible kitchen cabinets redo, my to-do list for 2012, my j-o-b)... but I will have to wait until later to decide if I want to blog about them.

Gotta run!

The plan for Not Getting Sick Anymore in 2012

Just to recap, here are the illnesses I have endured in the past 4 months:

1. Nov 1 through, oh, I don't know, the 30th? or longer? Deep, hacking cough that worried the grandmas in my church choir, every time we gathered. (antibiotic Z-pack).
2. Dec. 25 - 30: Sore throat (lost my voice) that didn't materialize into much else, because of the power of my Dad's Hot Toddies.
3. Jan 17 - Feb. 1: That's three weeks, y'all -- Double ear infection! (antibiotics! Amoxicyllin).
4. Feb. 12 - 17:  Garden-variety cold. Stuffy nose, small cough. (Dayquil FTW.)

I mean, WHAT THE HECK, people? I don't go around licking the doorknobs of public restrooms or anything like that! I eat fruits and vegetables and lean proteins and leafy greens. I don't kiss my kids on the mouth when they're sick. But somehow I am not providing a strong enough defense, and starting this week I am going to remedy that. I will be FIGHTING the GERMS in an active and pre-meditated way -- that's right, pre-meditated. If one could get arrested for killing a germ, I would get a life sentence after today. The Plan:

1. Take my stinking daily multivitamin. I hate those big, fat horse pills. DH used to dole them out to me in the morning, and I'd stick it in my pants pocket to save until lunch, when I had a drink handy, and then I'd forget. ALWAYS. The pill would drop onto the floor when I hung up my pants before bedtime every night. Or I'd store it in my jewelry dish for the next day. Questionable tactic. I've stopped doing that; instead I keep my vitamins at work now, on my desk, and take it first thing when I get here. But I still hate them. I have seen the Adult Gummies, but have mixed feelings. Do they really just taste like a gummy? I suspect not. I might give them a try when I finish this bottle of One-A-Day-like Target brand Women's Daily, but... come on. A gummy? Am I five years old?
2. Take Vitamin C daily. This is a plan I like. I keep a bag of the Halls Vitamin C drops in my cabinet, and a stash of them in my purse, at all times. I can commit to having one of those daily, especially the grapefruit flavored ones.
3. Continue washing my hands and be even more diligent about it. Okay, I admit there are times when I go into the restroom at work and  (don't be grossed out) don't use soap. I rinse quickly, but I know I'm going to squirt some hand gel on my hands as soon as I'm back at my desk, so sometimes I feel like it's unnecessary to also soap up. I do love the anti-bac hand gel. But from now and forevermore: soap. Every single time.
4. Continue drinking lots of water. I typically drink at least 48 ounces a day (plus other drinks, which may or may not count toward the total - does anyone know for sure?), and I do think this helps wash the ick out of our systems.
5. And finally, this is going to be the big one: GET 7 HOURS of SLEEP as many nights as possible. Not on the couch, but in my bed. It's so HARD to go to bed at 10:00 pm but everything I read says 7 hours improves the immune system greatly. Specifically, this means I'll need to not sit down (something I've needed to work on for a long time, anyway) after 8:30 pm, in order to get anything done in that hour and a half. So goodbye, lolling about on the couch. Goodbye, cozy afghan.

Hello, clear sinuses and better health. I hope. If I get any type of cold the rest of this year, I am going to be TICKED.

Now we are four.

When we woke you up this morning, whispering, "It's your birthday!" in the dark, you rolled over and with your eyes still closed, said, "I don't ca-are!" It wasn't mean-spirited of you to say that, it was just.... you. It was Chapter Two in the same story from yesterday morning: I came to your bed and said, "KT, it's time to wake up..." and you said, "Don't TELL me what day it is. I already KNOW."

You already know so many things, my little Valentine. My big girl. You know how to read a few words, and you know to drag your finger along the words of a book, but sometimes you don't drag it on the actual words -- or page, even -- that I'm reading. That's okay. We're still learning and you'll know all about reading soon, too.

You already know how to be an artist. You're so into coloring right now - it's all you want to do. In fact, last night, right before bedtime, you wanted to go back downstairs and when I asked why, you said, "I just want to color something." It makes it sound like you are easily pleased.

(Pardon me while I laugh.) You're not easily pleased! You want things just so, your way, and right now -- and you're not afraid to say so. We're doing our very best to help you make good choices, dear girl, but sometimes none of us gets it right. The dramatics of being a four-year-old girl will, I'm sure, be a learning experience for me, particularly, this year, since I was a perfect child, after all. Like I always tell you. Like my mother has always told me about herself as a child. ;) I pray that I'll be able to remain gentle and patient, and know when to give and when to stand firm.

Some things I want to preserve in a snapshot of you, right now:

• you still sometimes say, "Those are mines," plural. We love saying, "mines," too.
• you like me to stir up your yogurt so it's extra smooth (when you deign to eat yogurt). You like your ice cream stirred up, too (just like your Grandmommy).
• your favorite thing is to have a snack (dry cereal or Pop Tarts) on the couch, and your Daddy's least favorite is the crumbs you always leave there.
• you adore your daddy, and generously give him his hugs and cuddles and raise your hand FIRST when he asks, "Who's Daddy's girl?"
• you like to play with your Barbies and Disney princesses, and you're getting better at changing their clothes yourself.
• you still don't really like to have your hair put in a ponytail, but you do wear headbands sometimes, and leave them on all day. You can put them on all by yourself.
• you sing to yourself and make up words, and they typically include, "...for you, for the United States of America, everything is beautiful..."
• you're still our little bossy one. I think you have the best time at school, telling the other kids what to do. I know they love you, though; I can tell that you have lots of friends.
• you're learning ballet. Last week you came home and knew the word, "arabasque," and my heart fluttered a little. (I was also happy to learn, a few months ago, that they still teach "boogie woogie" in ballet.) We can't wait for your first recital in June!
• you adore your brother, and love when he'll let you read with him, or play Ninjago, or watch him play his DS.
• you're stubborn, that's for sure... but also, it turns out, very loving. Last night when I was feeling snuffly and needed to lie down under a blanket, you brought me my Boppy (my own baby blanket that now lives in your room), and carefully put heart stickers on my hands, and we were the special girls.

 Happy fourth Birthday, KT baby! We are going to have so much fun.

Put me in, COACH

Girls, I have a really huge first-world problem. I don't know how to feel about COACH bags!

I mean, viscerally, I love them. They're mostly beautiful, especially the ones that are not trying to be whimsical. They were born in the 1970s, as was I. What's not to love about that? And the one item I do like to buy for myself is purses. I don't have a closet full of shoes like a lot of women, but my DH will confirm, I have drawers full of purses. Some recently from thirty-one, many from Target and Nine West. None from Coach.

On the other hand, now that it's been a million years since I decided I wanted one, EVERY PERSON ON EARTH and at my grocery store seems to have one, and I don't. And now, unfortunately, when I see one I get more ticked off than covetous, which makes me think I don't want one anymore.

How come everyone else has a COACH bag? In this economy?? Do people really pay three hundred ninety eight (!!!!) dollars at Macy's for them, or are they shopping at the cheapy-peepy-discount-Coach-online store, like I'm about to consider doing?

What's the deal? Are they cliche at this point? Would I be cooler if I did, or did NOT have one? Enlighten me, fashionistas. What do you think about Coach and do YOU have one?

Easy Fridays

I have done nearly nothing today, except conduct a couple of phone conversations for an assignment that isn't due until April. I am bascially using up power today in this office, and not much else.

*slight guilt*

But my manager's working at home, it's grey outside and most everyone else is quiet, too.

I went out at lunchtime, got a turkey sandwich and ate it in the lunchroom with a magazine. That's a luxury I rarely allow myself - eating in the lunchroom. Of course, most days it's crowded and loud and not restful to me, but today I guess I picked the right window of time because no one was in there. (I worked out yesterday so today's a day off.) I could have done another errand and then eaten at my desk, but opted out. Downtime at lunch is a good thing.

This evening after an easy dinner of leftovers, DH is helping set up for the pinewood derby tomorrow, AJ's going to a movie night at his karate studio, and KT and I are probably going to go out for ice cream. Then maybe I can convince her to lay in my bed with me and watch a movie, or maybe we can read Paddington Bear.

I am very grateful for days like today.

Brilliant solutions

I always feel a little embarassed after posting a "help me" question like I did yesterday; I have been at this parenting thing for nearly 8 years now, shouldn't I know what to do for toddler tantrums, for Pete's sake?? But maybe the act of putting it out there -- NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO -- was more like a spoken prayer that God or the Universe (as everyone likes to say) could actually answer, and they did -- I was gifted with an idea.

Just a small one, but still: I moved a small, rarely used lamp from the dining room into our kitchen, and put it on a timer for 5:30 am. That way, by the time we get to the kitchen with sleepy eyes at 6:00, there is a nice, soft light already waiting for us and no one will be able to scream "TURN IT OFF, IT'S TOO BRIGHT, MOMMY!" Excellent solution, if I do say so myself, and it even looks like I've put that lamp there for decorative purposes -- I always love "re-decorating" just by moving things around a bit.

KT was all smiles this morning when she saw that lamp and how well it solved her problem.

AJ, on the other hand, decided today for the first time, that HE would whine about the TV being too bright. AYFKM

(And naturally KT decided to balk at the outfit that SHE, HERSELF, chose last night before bedtime, according to the published rules of every parenting "morning rush-hour" article ever written on the Internet. "I DON'T WANT A TURTLENECK ANYMORE, MOMMY!!! UNH!! THESE SHOES DON'T FEEL RIGHT!")

Hahahahahahahaha. I swear: Crapshoot.