In theory, I should love my work. Sure there's that database thing, but there are always administrative things about a desk job. Mostly the job is writing, and clearly, I like to write (blog much?). I always did well in school with papers, and studied languages so I should have a good command of the English one. (Save for that last sentence.) However, the writing doesn't always come easily to me. It's not like, "Oooh, today I get to write that article for XX magazine. Yay!" No. I procrastinate and fret over it. (When I finally dig in, I'm fine.) One important note,I LOATHE doing interviews, which is pretty much required for writing well-informed news articles. I never had any intention of being a reporter, and my work does require a bit of that technique.
Tess's comment yesterday got me thinking. Of course I love some things about my particular job. My company is Good. I work close to home. They're flexible and family-friendly. It allows me my lifestyle. Plus, I get to work with photography/design. But somehow I still don't love the work I do. But I hear of people who own a business - like, say, a lovely little bakery. Or who work with animals. Or... I don't know, actors?... who really get a rush from the actual WORK they do.
I would like to have that, someday.
So it seems I should be on the lookout for a different job. Really take the plunge and FIND what it is that would make my heart sing. I even know how to explore this: I've read self-help books before. Volunteer. Take a class. Network in my off-time.
Oh the other hand: Why can't I just be happy with the status quo? Why should I have to RISK things -- security, pay level, etc. -- when I already have such an amazing life? Shouldn't I just be GRATEFUL for what I have and not focus on the small details that maybe aren't so great? I mean, life isn't guaranteed to be 100% wonderful. And work requires work, otherwise they wouldn't call it that.
I think I'm going around in circles. But parsing it out is helpful, so bear with me.
I did contemplate some things that could be personal "Resolutions," if I were going to try a Happiness Project.
- Breathe deeply throughout the day. (being mindful, stopping the "I don't like this, I'm bored" monologue in my head for a few minutes to just Be... etc.)
- Listen to more music. Seriously, I need to fire up the iPod MUCH more often for a mood lifter.
- Dress well. (Dress better.) This might seem silly, but since my company is so great, we don't have to dress up in heels and hose all the time. But when I wear pants that don't fit well, or a plain t-shirt that I bought at Target 2 years ago... it does nothing for my mood. (Duh.) One reason I work is so I can afford things, and nice clothes need to be one of those things. I've dressed better the last couple of days (IMHO), and I HAVE felt better. Not to mention more professional. (Own it!)
- Connect with people each day. Including my husband. Sometimes we're just on auto-pilot, you know? We talk, but don't really engage. At work, too -- instead of a non-committal, "Hey, how are you?" I need to put some effort into it. ASK people about their families. Don't hole up in my cubicle, counting down 'til 4:30 pm.
It's time I really work on this, and I'm going to start with these little ideas. Everybody knows if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. ;)
3 comments:
I really need to dress better too, especially at work. SIGH.
One thing I never figured out: the stuff I really wanted/want to do, the stuff that makes my heart sing, IS NOT PAID WORK. Maybe I just haven't found the right career? Or something? But I honestly can't think of what it would be.
Also, I always thought: oh, I like to write, I will freelance/be a reporter/etc and that will be my Dream Job. And then I ran up against that INTERVIEW thing. GAH. NO THANK YOU.
I LOVE this. Thank you. What would make my heart sing? Doing the shows with D used to be fun, fun, fun. Something about dressing up to be someone else and then making people laugh -- there's nothing better, in my opinion. Now I just want to stay home with M. Having her has put way more pressure on work -- it really needs to be something enjoyable to justify being away. I used to like my work -- I liked figuring out the database stuff, helping clients, being efficient and having people "need" me. I liked plotting out a website and working with a writer, designer and a programmer. Moving to this new company -- I feel a bit more like a cog in the wheel. But I still don't hate the work. I hate the commute. What I think I would hate -- production work, like the "pod people" we used to have. Wow, that would be torture.
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