I just read a post by Caroline at Some Pig and it sparked a topic that has been on my mind, but I've not written about it. Mostly because I'm always too busy whining to have anything as planned-out or well-executed as a TOPIC. Pshaw! Topics.
Anyway, the topic is chores, or in a kinder, gentler tone: Helping around the house.
There's a memory deep in my brain, about being over at a childhood friend's house (Nikki) and having to follow behind her while she dusted one Saturday morning. Her mother required that she do the dusting, and she wasn't complaining about it, just already responsible enough to do it (or... she may have been threatened enough by her parents, I'm unsure). I felt a little weird about because she didn't necessarily want me to help her, she just had to get it done before we could go ride our bikes or jump on the trampoline or whatever. We couldn't have been more than 8 or 9.
I had chores, too, like making my bed (I think) and, as I always tell Kate and Alex, pulling weeds in the yard. Weed-pulling wasn't a daily or weekly thing, though, and making the bed, setting the table.... I never really felt a working pressure to do them. It seems like we had a chore chart at some point. We didn't get allowance, and maybe that's one difference, but in general I knew I was supposed to help around the house. Cleaning up our rooms and our closets was a big one, too, as I recall.
Anyway, we're trying to instill some kind of "helping" mindset in our kids with mixed success. Alex's main chore, for allowance, is that he collects the upstairs and incidental garbage every week. This year I've added "putting away clean clothes" to Alex's list -- I just put them on his bed and he's expected to put them in the drawers neatly.
Kate's first chore was wiping off the table after dinner (she never could stick to that one). Lately it has unofficially become setting the table for dinner. She really likes helping with all the aspects of dinner prep and sometimes I'm even grateful.
They're also supposed to put their backpacks on the hooks (or at least remove them from the middle of the kitchen floor), help me when I'm bringing in groceries, clear their plates after meals, brush teeth, and get dressed... but I don't think of those as chores as much as good citizenry.
I think it's been a gentle, easy progression into doing some work around the house, and I do like that they feel they're "earning" their allowance (we're still at $2.50/week for Alex (age 10) and $1.25/week for Kate (6) -- I don't know if it's too much or too little, but for me it's about learning to earn/save/spend wisely. We still have much work to do there!). We have frequent battles about who's responsible for taking shoes/toys/junk upstairs to their own rooms, and "we all help because we're all part of this family" often needs declaring. I *think* they're getting it, overall, but sometimes attitudes and results tell me otherwise.
An idea percolating to help with the concept, that Swistle incidentally brought up just today, is to spend an hour on a weekend day with everyone cleaning together. Because let me tell you: One thing that stresses Mama out is all the cleaning that piles up during our busy weeks, that has to be done on the weekends. Like scrubbing down bathrooms, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen counters, and dusting. Shawn almost always does the dusting and vacuuming, and I typically handle kitchens and bathrooms, but I'm thinking it's about time we SHARE THE FUN with the kids. Those are time-consuming tasks and we could get them done faster by working together. Maybe (ha)... Maybe after one good training session... I bet Alex could wield the vacuum. Kate already likes Windexing mirrors and even sweeping under the kitchen table... Maybe there would be an extra couple of dollars tacked onto their allowances for completing the whole hour. Hmmmmm.
2 comments:
You never whine. Seriously. There's whining/complaining and there's looking at some of the not-so-great parts of life. I appreciate your honest look at life. It helps me.
I'm trying to get Madison to help more, too. I just don't like the feeling of doing for her and her not reciprocating. You have to grow out of that, right -- that selfishness, I guess is the word? Or maybe it's not so much selfish as you just think that's what moms are supposed to do, until someone teaches you otherwise. Asking your child to do something is a little strange, isn't it? I wonder, is this too much? When should I "serve" her and when should she help? Interesting.
I don't feel strange asking as much as I do when I'm Telling her to do something. I feel like if I ask her maybe she sees that it's a nice thing to do for someone other than herself (same w/Alex). But I do wonder where's the line between showing by example how nice it is when someone helps you, and becoming a slave to the child! That's 1 of my phrases, too: "Mommy's not your servant." Cringe. ;)
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