Update: Not good. Then, better.

Wednesday dawned and we sent the boy off to high school, just as planned. It was raining. It has been raining for what feels like a month (really, 3 or 4 days), but I was incredulous -- come on, his First Day walking to the bus stop? That's just crappy.

Anyway, for all my nerves, he took an umbrella, found the bus, made it to school, (he texted me) and to his homeroom classroom, and things were off to a roaring good start. (Ok, honey, have a great day!!!) I worked from home a little, went to the office for 2 meetings and lunch with the girls, then came home to be there when he arrived home. My level of focus was extremely low all day, I'll admit.

I spent a lot of time on the Life360 app, following the bus. It's your basic "stalker" parenting app -- you can set up a "circle" or family members, and then you'll know where they are at all times, and what percentage their phone's battery has left (I guess if a kid's battery is low you can remind him to charge it, in case of emergency?) ... it feels slightly invasive, but also comforting. Naturally, on the first day, with rain, and construction going on at our particular school, buses were running really late. He didn't get home until an hour past when he should have. But that was okay, I understood it logically. It's the first day, there are kinks to work out. (So many parents online complaining! I laughed - really, people? Common sense says it's going to be rough on the first day.)

He came in the front door and graciously handled all of my questions (I tried to hold back), then went upstairs to start his homework. I was so relieved that the transportation logistics had worked out. That was one of my biggest fears/unknowns. Like I said, some glitches, but it was fine. (And even better the 2nd day.) Thankfully there was another kid waiting at the stop, so that helped Alex know he was in the right place.

Only later did we come to understand that things had been sad and lonely most of his day. He bent his head and had a little emotional breakdown under my chin. It is so, so hard to feel alone and unseen. He knows exactly 5 people in a school of 2,000, and guess what? It's hard to find those 5 in the lunchroom. So he sat by himself and ate pizza that he said wasn't any good.

Such heartbreak. So many things I could've said, but didn't want to overwhelm. Just, "I know, honey, it's so hard. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow. It's okay to feel this way." (In my mind: Think of all the positives. Count the blessings. We knew it would be a little unfamiliar. This is normal. Can you read at lunch? What can I do? Don't cry. You already did the hardest part. Everyone experiences loneliness, it's part of being human. Even Jesus. [Sooooo many things I wanted to say.])

I didn't sleep well that night. He woke up reluctant to go through a day like he'd had, again, but I tried to encourage him and say that every day, it will get a little better. Faces will get familiar. You'll be having conversations with people in class, and that will carry over into the social times of day, like lunch. I knew that to be true, but I know it's hard to believe it when you're the one feeling lonely.

Praise God, he came home yesterday (Thursday) with a smile. His words: "Much better." He actually FOUND his friend Will in the cafeteria. He also had another buddy that he was sitting with, from his homeroom. There's a sophomore in his band class and on his bus, who is Alex's height (unusual) and seems to be friendly to him. He likes his classes. He ate Asian orange chicken and it was delicious. Thursday when I got home, he was working on homework at the kitchen table.

He left today (Friday) with a little spring in his step. I pray it will really feel like a nice Friday.

And this morning, the rain seems to have ended.