I just celebrated my 51st birthday last Wednesday. And I started this post in January, at the 6-month mark. I kept waiting for that feeling I always read about to kick in -- the one where as a woman, you're supposed to cease caring at a certain age, about what people think of you. You do what you want. You wear the red hat, or whatever it is. Say what's on your mind. That kind of transformative attitude hasn't hit me yet in exactly that way, but I have learned a lot this year, and wanted to keep notes about it.
All my lessons from this year:
1. Skip all the New Year's goals. (Maybe skip goals in general, if they stress you out?) Just be open, curious, and mindful.
2. Lay down the burden of hating your job. You know what? Most people don't like them (jobs). They're just a means to an end, and there's no need to take them so seriously. Yeah, you spend a lot of time doing your job, but it's just something to do. It's just a framework for interacting with PEOPLE. Make it about the people.
3. Care LESS. You can get by with "C" work, you don't have make "As" in your job. (In my case, no one is paying that much attention - not paying you enough to strive for As.) You don't need a life coach, or a career that makes your heart sing. You can go to work, do fine at the dumb tasks, collect your paycheck, full stop. THEN live your life.
4. Find meaning in the other things. Your vocation -- wife and mom. Your community. Or some activity that YOU find meaningful. Even if it's just watering your flowers/lawn... reading good books. Get your joy from those things.
5. Go outside. Get some exercise. Drink water.
6. Life is truly a little absurd. All the dramas, ridiculous rules and conventions, politics, the nonsense of it... just roll your eyes and remember: absurdity. Besides that, life's a blip. Eternity will be better, and longer. (The longest!)
7. You probably shouldn't have ice cream every night.
8. An interior life -- prayer, meditation, breath -- is necessary. You need it, you need to make time for it, for your mental AND physical health. Yes. Also: you can access the Divine if you make the time to sit still/go deep, as a practice. This has been known since ancient times. (Learned this on a podcast!)
9. Our goal in life is to grow up and become Love. (Heard this on a podcast, too, with a "Higher Consciousness" physicist (a what now?) - and it was eye-opening and weird and a little too much, but also I loved it. Both of the podcasts were Mayim Bialik's Breakdown, incidentally; she isn't afraid to get deep!)
10. The little wishes/desires that you have are put in your heart for a reason. They're a calling. Don't ignore them. (I'm still trying to learn and act on this.)
11. Remember Who You Are. Go back to your childhood/teenager-hood and rediscover what you loved then. I have had a lot of happy memories this year, listening to all my old music (Squeeze, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Cutting Crew, French faves like Alain Souchon, musicals! (Aspects of Love! Godspell! Les Mis! Into the Woods!), Richard Marx, Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith). Those songs, the ones you know all the words to without even thinking, are part of your being.
12. Know what you like. I keep trying to define myself, in my mind. I'm a person who likes to sit outside. I like to study religions/beliefs, and that includes the weirdest ones. I like well-written sitcoms. I like to bake and cook for my family (most of the time). I like historical fiction. I like to plant my little plants and blow on them and hope. There's more to this one but I think you all know.
13. YOU (ME) -- your unique perspective and gifts, packaged up with your own weirdnesses and quirks, are exactly needed in exactly the place you find yourself right now. You don't know why. But that is truth. So just be yourself, do it the way you would do it. Questions, insecurities, and all. Your question may actually help someone else - you don't know.
14. There are many people who will be meaningful in your life, that you haven't even met yet.
15. God is right here.
Oh, gosh, there are more, I'm sure of it, but I can't put them all down or there'll be nothing left to learn and be inspired by. I'm grateful for being a 51-year-old, and all the people who've gotten me here. xo
2 comments:
What a great list, Lee! I laughed at #7. Probably true. And #5 is something I need to remember more often!
This is a most excellent list, Lee. True life lessons. "Make it about the people" is brilliant, as well as not thinking your work has to be perfect, and feeling good about spending time doing things you love to do. Thank you for the podcast recommendation. I'll be checking that out.
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