I heard something on NPR the other day that made me, personally, feel better about some of my mom-guilt. It was this:
New study shows working moms today spend as much time (or more) with their kids than SAHMs of the '70s.
So me? working mom? Doing as much for and with my kid as my mother, upon whose generous, wonderful example I would love to pattern my own mother-journey.
YAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
Here I was, all pouty and "boo, I don't get to spend enough time with my ittoo bittoo wuzzums, isn't it saaaad?" when it's about the same amount of time (if you'll pardon the generalization) as I was given.
(I mean, I've known AJ was going to turn out fine, but
It's true my SAHM wasn't with us 24-7. I don't remember the toddler years, but the summers and holidays? No. We played. She did needlepoint. (I'm kidding, Mom!) But you know what I mean. What the report is saying, is that Moms of the previous generation worked super-hard at keeping house and cooking 3 squares. My generation? Has cut out a lot of that to make room for quality kid-time. Our Moms weren't told by Baby Einstein that they had to "engage" their kids and jump-start their educations with "learning toys" and such from age 3 days. So they maybe didn't.
Not saying our Moms didn't do enough! Just the opposite. And not to glorify fast- or freezer-foods in favor of Quality Time, of course. But it's just the way the world has turned. They didn't even MAKE Lunchables back then. ;) Lucky us, we have them now!
I'll certainly concede that TODAY's at-home moms are spending much more time with their kids than I am with mine. And more time than the '70s SAHMs, too. I'll also add that the last sentence from that article:
"...in general, I would agree that working moms put their children first, their jobs second, and themselves last."
shouldn't use the qualifier "working." All moms rank it that way. Themselves last. It's nature.
But just the fact that I'm doing statistically as well as my own mom did? Oh, you can't know how relieved that makes me feel.
(The NPR story was better than that article above, but you have to have RealPlayer.)
6 comments:
YEAH, BABY!! Woo, hoo! My suicide-by-mother-guilt can wait another day!
I am sure you are doing a great job with your little ones!! I am SAHM and the time I spend doing cleaning the kitchen up after each meal and snack, laundry, and any spills, mishaps and accidents that happen throughout the day takes up so much time!! Besides, if I were to spend each waking moment with them, nothing would get done around here and we would have to order out every night for dinner....hey sounds good to me!!
Besides, they wouldn't develop that independent spirit and all that self-reliance jazz that comes when your Mom isn't right there all the time, right?
I'll start work now.
I've wondered about this for a while. On the days I take her to daycare (two days a week), I always take her somewhere for some "us" time together. We'll do something just the two of us and I won't be on the computer trying to finish up anything or doing the dishes. I feel bad enough I left her for six hours.
Well-written.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
My mom hardly ever played with us either. I find myself telling my daughters the same thing she said to me and my sisters, "I'm your mother, not your playmate." There is such a thing as too hands-on, I believe. I don't think it's healthy for mom to hover.
Not that I don't spend time with them, I'll read almost whenever they want or play a game or take part in a rousing play-dough session. I'll even help them build playhouses or Barbie houses, but I don't play toys, that's their thing, not mine.
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