A few Yatt stories for ya

Admittedly, Yatt moving in next-door has not been nearly as bad as I would have imagined about a year ago. Too bad for the blog, right?? But in fact, because she's one of the only other women here with a toddler, I do find that I relate to her, moreso than to the ladies in Customer Care, for instance.

But not to worry: She definitely provides cringey and eye-rolly moments. Some reasons to QUICKLY get up and find somewhere else to be. Some Golden Opportunities To Practice Patience. And since I know that some of my readers are as catty and immature as I am, I thought I would share. I'm a giver.

1. Did I mention Yatt is pregnant with #2? I bet I didn't. And you know how much fun a know-it-all is when she is expecting!! She doesn't share every detail of her uterine landscape with me (yet), but I'm ready for it. She does refer to her baby by the name they plan to give him, which has always bugged me. WORSE SINCE HIS NAME IS THE NAME OF MY COLLEGE BOYFRIEND, HA HA! Okay, that's pretty funny - just as I was typing this up, I realized that's the most annoying part about it. And lord forbid if she's feeling a little pain from baby M @ t t h e w (GAH). EDITED: (Wasn't nice anyway) He's only 23 weeks along or something, but one day she acted like his feet were pushing into her ribcage. I wanted to tell her, ummm, he isn't big enough or turned enough to be kicking your ribs, dumbass. (Whoops, let that one slip. She really is a very nice person.)

2. LOUD EATER ZOMG. I didn't know this before because she was a good 20 feet away. But holy cannoli. (Warning: hyperbole ahead.) This week it's been a giant Wal-Mart bag of trail mix, and another giant Wal-Mart bag of dried fruit for snacks. Including banana chips. POPS 'em in her open mouth and CRACKS every nut so that the people in Suite 414 down the hall can probably ALSO feel the tremor. *!!*!* This is my #1 pet peeve in any human. No lie. Obnoxious mouth noises are the work of the Devil himself.

3. The other day, she went thru the drive-thru at Starbucks. (Yet another similarity between us! We both love Sbux! I swear it's stupid how alike we actually are.) And she's pregnant. So evidently her coffee, which was supposed to have been decaf, made her feel very jumpy. Well, instead of pouring it down the drain, getting some water and moving on with her life, she felt the need to call them up. Just to tell them that she thought, and didn't appreciate, their giving her a caffeinated coffee. "I'm Pregnant," she told the guy authoritatively. "And this coffee has me wiggin' out." (She DID say "wiggin'.") Like he could do anything about it at that point! I know that guy, since I frequent there as much as she does, and he is always overly nice and accommodating. I heard her refuse whatever free beverage he offered in apology (if she didn't want something, why did she bother calling?), but she reiterated 2 or 3 times that she is PREGNANT. Then she asked me later, "Did you hear me talking to Starbucks earlier?"

YES. I COULDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE MISSED IT.

Ohhhh, I think it's going to be a delightful gestation.