I’ve been trying, at least this week-ish, to be more fully present in the moments, especially the ones with the kids. I know I mentioned particularly that on Thursdays I only get to be with them for a couple of hours total, all day. I need to stop reminding myself of this because when I type “couple” it makes a stabbing pain right in my heart. But that’s not the point, the point is the Moments. Whether we’re reading or playing, or looking at pictures on the iPhone, I’m just wanting so much to enjoy them and be my best self during them.
It’s getting harder with AJ because one, he’s a jumping, squirming, knees and elbows and head-butting wonderful boy. When he tries to climb up on me for hugs and cuddles I have to watch out for my spleen. And he always manages to grind his kneecap into my femur. But he’s still up for hugs and cuddles so I try not to complain. And two, his playtime is so complicated now. He asked me yesterday to please play Jack and Annie with him. So I tried to be Annie, but I don’t remember these books word for word, and he apparently does. He gets mad when I try to use my imagination and say, “Ooh, Jack, here’s a BUG! Maybe Merlin needs it?”
“MOOOMMM, there wasn’t a BUG in book nine hundred and eleven, [siggghhh].” Or else it's a Bakugan battle, about which I only know, "Bakugan, STAND." And that's not nearly enough for him. ;)
But with KT, it’s a bit easier. She likes to lay on the bed together, nose to nose. Sometimes we giggle, sometimes we sing (current fave is Jesus Loves Me, which just sends sunshine through my veins), most times we pretend-bite each other’s necks, and get each other’s sugar, and play with each other’s hair. It’s delectable.
And last night – she’s been waking up in the middle of the night again, either from some molars coming in, or just because she thinks it’s fun – we lay in the dark, trying to wish sleep’s heavy return (at least I was). Everything’s hazy and in whispers but I do know that she, at one point, brushed my hair back from my face, like I do for her when I lay her down every night, and patted me on the shoulder with her soft little fingers. And that pat... wow, do I ever treasure sweet moments like those.
1 comment:
Oh, yes. Those little hands and pats and kisses -- love them. Madison still likes playing with me, but I often don't measure up. "Mom, come ON," she has said quite often. And, "NO, Mom. You are supposed to ... [have THIS kind of voice, pick up THAT doll, put THIS toy over THERE]." I jump on the chance to work a puzzle, read, play cards, etc., because the imagination games apparently require a certain three or four ness that I can't muster.
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