Hosting, and other notes

I think I'm going to get to host something Christmas-y this year. Well, besides Christmas dinner and the Christmas/New Year's Holidays -- we're already hosting those. :) I am so happy. I think it's the perfect plan: Grandmommy and Papa Joe arriving on Christmas Day. It's actually our first Christmas (Santa) morning in our own home, with no guests. That, in itself, is exciting and a small blessing, I think. Having guests is lovely, too, but I'm happy about it just being us. And then later in the day, we'll have our favorite guests-who-aren't-guests, but who are family, to join us for a real Christmas Dinner, and the rest of the fun stuff about the holidays: sitting around, watching movies, enjoying time off, playing with new things, reading new books, napping, chatting, drinking yummy beverages and eating cookies. ;)

But BESIDES that hosting, I think I'm going to get to host my little group of mom buddies, next Friday night. Another woman had volunteered, but one of our group is allergic to cats (so am I), and she asked if we could not go to that friend's home. (No offense.) So I volunteered. It's an easy potluck and BYOB, so as long as I can keep the place relatively straightened up, and it's already pretty straight because of Christmas decorating, I'm good to go. I love this group of girls, and like Swistle said, I definitely feel like it solidifies my place among them to host something. I've been wanting to -- I don't know why I don't ever send that email to INSTIGATE a get-together. Maybe after this I'll feel like I can.

I would love to do a "whole families" party, too, and not just the moms -- but I just don't think our house is big enough for that. Not in the winter, when the back deck is unavailable. This is yet another reason I'd like to try to find a new home. I really like having parties, and being stifled by the lack of space is hard.

------

The "other notes" are harder. We're still having a hard time with Kate. That's all I want to say. I wish I could make it funny, like all the bloggers do. I wish I could laugh and say, "She's like a tiny drunk, one minute saying one thing (GET ME A SNACK!), and then next minute, the exact opposite (NO! DON'T TOUCH MY SNACK BOWL!"), and expecting me to believe both hahaha, isn't it hysterical, how illogical they are!" But it has become less funny. I'm seriously considering the question, "Where would I even buy a lump of coal?"  (...was that funny?)

Bless her. I pray for her so much. I pray for me. She gets her flaring temper from both her father and, I've learned, from me. I pray for Alex, who loses out. I pray for Shawn who has to deal with her irrational emotions, and then feel bad for mine. I have extremely HIGH expectations of my kids because that's the standard I was raised by, and I met it. I WAS A PERFECT CHILD. ;) (Really, I was.) I wouldn't have DREAMED of telling my mother she was stupid or bad or any of the things Kate says to me on a daily basis. But I need to let GO of those expectations. Every single one.

And yet, she's still so sweet when she decides to be. Today there was a glimmer of hope when she apologized to me for "being bad," with no prompting (that I know of). That's a tiny speck of hope. (and also breaks my heart)

I've said too much. Just... Mom, say a prayer for us. Say a prayer that this will be the worst of it and the teenage years will be a breeze. PLEASE, say that prayer. Because, Jesus.