7 Quick Takes: Twitter, talents and treats

1. I'm not going to talk about the political issues because I'm polite, but I will tell you that Twitter makes the debates infinitely more fun (as if you didn't know that), and I definitely think during the debate on Monday we need to play a drinking game! (It's a shame it's on a Monday but hey, I support wine on Mondays already! Woo!) Twitter also makes it hard to pay attention to what they're saying with any seriousness. But that hardly matters -- it isn't like either candidate says anything meaningful, or even decipherable. I do agree with whoever suggested that their mics be automatically TURNED OFF after their allotted speaking time. When they and the moderator, all three, start stepping on each others' sentences, trying to get the very last word in, it makes me cringe and want to hide under my blanket.

My college had a well-known debate team (or conference? or event? I'm not sure) and I think about KIDS learning the "art" of debate. Hmm. That also makes me cringe a little. I'm hoping my kids won't be interested, heh.

2. But speaking of kids in public speaking situations, 8-year-old AJ has signed up for the Battle of the Books at his school. WAIT 'TIL YOU HEAR: They create their own teams of 4 (I hope he picks smart people and not just his buddies, if he gets to pick) and they divide a list of 24 age-appropriate books among themselves. Every other team has the same list (by grade level). Each kid gets 6 books which they have to read, study up on the author's bio, and other details, and then... Quiz Bowl! If one of your books is asked about, you're responsible to supply your team with the right answer. How I wish this had been available when I was a kid! Although... I did not have the memory for detail like AJ does. He will tell me in which chapter of which book of the 39 Clues mysteries that Dan and Amy found a silver dollar under a bench. And he read that book a year ago, and has read many, many books since. I can't fathom it. So I'm SLIGHTLY excited about sitting in the audience for his Jeopardy!-like debut.

3. And speaking of talents... despite all my worrying over him, that kid is doing so well in his martial arts class. Yesterday, they worked on some conditioning things first. One was "ball-jitsu." They used a stability ball and the instructor wanted the kids to swing one leg over the top of the ball and then bounce-sit on, and quickly back off, the top of the ball. Well, I thought there was no way AJ's little legs would manage that. But he DID. He adapts -- he kind of jumped over it at an angle, but impressed everyone. The instructors were like, "Whoa, AJ! Perfect!"

4. Blood pressure medication (DH) and heartburn (me). These are two things going on in my household right now. Great. We're old people. I ordered half-caff today at Starbucks and I expect to be getting my customized "LAME" badge any day now.

5. Because of the heartburn I was reading up on what we should and shouldn't eat. Always a comforting thing to do. I saw something about sugar being the complete enemy of health, and thought, I do really need to get my sugar intake under control. I don't drink my sugar (I drink alternatively-sweetened things or use Splenda), but I get a lot of it with little handfuls of M&Ms, and other treats. And then I remembered it's October. Hahahahahaha. Hmm.

6. The next couple of weeks are packed full of life and activity, so I'm putting this here so I'll remember it: I've got to figure out how and where to do early voting! I think Nov. 6 will be virtually impossible.

7. I found this Read the Catechism by email in a year yesterday, and I signed up. I don't know how long I'll stick to it, but it's worth a try, right? I also found this: calm.com. 2 minutes or ten, peace for hectic days. I love it more than toast. :)

Near to me

Jergens lotion original scent
Peanut Butter bars candies
The sound of that old white refrigerator's foot pedal, to open the freezer
The little chips of ice in the freezer
Ti-coups
Dr. Pepper
Spanish eggs (with stewed tomatoes)
The way she washed her face with a soapy washcloth
Ivory
English Lavendar
Raisin Bran for lunch
Pepperidge Farm Very Thin sliced bread
Toasted peanut butter
Toaster ovens in general
Raisin Toast
When she would sit down and draw the "buildings" we made with her wooden blocks, so we could recreate them later
Catholic Digest magazine
The cute way she "softened" toilet tissue by crinkling it around before using it
Her style and elegance
Her jewelry
Unloading the dishes early in the morning
Stopping to let me sit on her lap
Her refined Southern accent
Salted pecans
Coffee ice cream with cherry preserves and walnuts
Cut glass ice cream bowls
Brandy
Cranberry juice cocktail served in everyday stemware
Pepperidge Farm Brussels cookies
When her kitchen door was open on nice days
The way she always called my singing voice 'velvety'
Sleepy Baby
That little electric keyboard we played on for hours
Froggy Went a-Courtin'
Woolworth's
Saengers
The red card table and chairs
"Yes, indeed"
"No damage done."
The dear Blessed Mother
"As for me and my house..."
September Morn
Her scrapbook
Boxes of photos
When she played the piano (once in a while)
"Running a household is hard"
Roast with gravy, white rice and lima beans
Eggs with Vienna Sausages
Watching the snow from her bright dining room window
Gumbo

Grandmother has been on my mind lately. I don't know why. I got to thinking about her -- had a hankering for Spanish eggs, actually -- and it spiraled the other night. I cried with missing her for some reason. KT asked me yesterday if she had died. When I said yes, she said kind-of wistfully, "Oh, it's too bad I didn't know her." Yes, sweet girl. It is too bad. She would have loved you.

So many of these memories came to me last night after thinking about them, and I got kind-of desperate to write them down. Many of them are part of my continued daily life. There are of course more, woven into who I am.




I wonder if she's keeping very near to me right now.

Generally good. (I have no headline mojo on this one) (Or maybe ever)

The October Craziness is here! Are we excited??

I am going to maintain my sanity and not get wigged out over the schedule stuff, not this year. But the weekend of October 26th, we have three kid birthday parties to attend (with costumes of course), plus a Scouts daycamp event, plus a family bowling party AND a sleepover request. Mak-ing mem-o-ries, wheeeee! This is the time of our lives. ;)


No, really, I believe that.

KT and I did the very brief Halloween decorating project shown here last weekend. She was thrilled with it -- guess she didn't realize that candy can be used in other ways besides mouth-stuffing and it blew her mind. I like it, too. It's festive.

We got our appointment time from the pediatric endocrinologist. Should be interesting. They of course want to know the patient's family medical history, plus. Mostly stuff about growth and development and if anyone else was known to be a late-bloomer or particularly undersized, and so that requires asking when did everyone (immediate family & relatives) develop? And so I have to ask both my mom and my MIL "When was your first menstural period?" For serious! It's on the form!! Argh. This thing is so weird.

I find that I'm really feeling hesitant around the topic. Caillou was on (ugh) the other day and it was an episode about 4-yo Caillou wanting to be taller like his friend Andre. KT was the one watching it, but I just cringed because AJ was in the room.

And I notice now, every time we're with other people, how small he is. I am much more aware of who's younger-but-taller (everyone). I wonder if he's noticing. I wonder if it bothers him, now that it's been brought up in such a medically concerned way. Yesterday E, his 6-yo friend next door, told us he has a loose tooth ("...because A. [other neighbor] threw a ball at my head, but still, it's loose!"). And I wondered if that bothered AJ. I asked him later if he wanted me to throw a ball at his head... and then I felt like a jerk for joking about it.

Diagnosis: Short Stature, the referral letter says. I just don't want AJ to be focused on it as A Thing, you know? I've not been talking too much about it with him; there's been no need. I know that he knows that we're doing this extra doctor's appointment, (and he already did the X-ray), but I don't want it to feel like a big deal. I don't want him to feel bad or nervous... or like he's defective, I guess is what I really mean.

You are perfect just as you ARE, AJ. Perfect.

But I am also curious and hopeful that maybe we could help him along...?

I said I wasn't going to talk/worry about it until there was something to worry about, so I guess by Oct. 31, the day of the appointment, we'll know whether I have more to say.

And at this point the only thing he HAS been worried about is that our appointment time of 1:00 might mean he has to miss his class Halloween party at 2:00. :) If that's the worst that happens, it's all good.

October. Crazy.

Gratitude Thursday

1. A good night's sleep. I was so tired yesterday but slept undisturbed for 6.5 hours. Heavy sleep (even with weird dreams about driving around on four flat tires) is so good.

2. Building dominoes towers on the floor with two happy kids last night after a dinner which they both ate.

3. The music part of choir practice tonight will be fulfilling, and will let my mind rest from all the other things that swirl around inside it.

4. Wednesday phone chats with my Mom. :)

5. Something to look forward to - my sis is coming to visit in early November!

Mommy, can I playonyourphone? and other QTs

1. Every day, someone or other asks me this question: "Mommy, can I playonyourphone?" Playonyourphone being one word, a word about which the inquirer KNOWS Mommy will likely roll her eyes, so it has to be said really fast so she barely understands it. On the days when I say no -- and this usually happens in the car, on the way home from school, which is a 20-minute drive at the most -- and it's not every day, only once or twice a week -- I get a lot of negative feedback. "But what am I supposed to DOOOOOO?" OMG. I love answering that question. "Sit there and look out the window! Let your mind REST! ....THINK! Sleep! Tell me about your classroom!" I fear for this generation, honestly. Think about your 8 or 9 year-old in a few years, out on his first date (charming ice cream parlor) with the girl of his dreams. Will he even know how to sit with her quietly and have a conversation? Or will both their heads be bowed down over individual LED screens? The texts will read, "How's it going?" from her BFF, and she'll type back, "I don't know, we're both texting about it but nothing has happened so far."

I'm being completely serious. They have to learn somehow that every moment of the day doesn't have to  enteratin them electronically. And I take it one step further: I want my kids to learn that silence is NICE. Restorative. I don't even play the radio in my car these days, my desire for them to understand this is so great. Come On, Kids! Rise Above the Tech Culture Standard, I want to say to them!

In related news, I am still actively trying to make sure my own iPhone is put away at least 90% of the time when we are at home, and it's a very hard goal to achieve. :-/


2. I have a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee this morning and it tastes exactly like a Coffee Nip.


3. We heard back from AJ's bone age scan. The lab tech said to me, "It's not abnormal, but it's a little, (pause) off." WTH? I guess I'm glad it's not abnormal? So we're waiting on an appointment time from the pediatric endocrinologist. Just to see. We certainly haven't decided anything one way or the other and I'm still not convinced he needs growth hormone. I'm only 5'1", his dad is 6' tall... my dad's 5'6"... I just really hope if we give him time (like some of you suggested in the comments, THANK YOU) that maybe he'll have his spurt. I simply do not know. We'll see if he's deficient and just go from there.



4. This weekend is our parish picnic. For years I longed to attend. It's always a free event, I wanted desperately to make friends in our community, and what's more glorious than a picnic, amirite? I imagined us sitting on the grass somewhere and saying hello to nice people. We went last year and it was.... okay. It was fine. (It was really windy, if I recall.) This year, there are definitely a few "friends" that I'm not especially wanting to run into; I know exactly what to expect of the food and the setup (i.e., there's no idyllic grass, I don't know where I dreamed that up); and... meh. It's got some fun things for the kids, like games and face painting... but I'm not overly enthused. Funny, I think, because no joke, this was something on my list of PERSONAL GOALS at one time.


5. Don't ask, about the friends I don't want to run into. Drama is not something I need in my life so I am going to ignore it and move on. (Ugh! There is a bit of Drama!)


6.  I put together some webstats this morning at work. It was sort-of fun to be able to draw conclusions.


7.  There has been very little morning-rush drama at our house the last 3 days. KT has put on her uniforms, let me do her hair, and generally cooperated. It's a miracle. Shhhhhhh.


quick takes every week plus really thought-provoking posts on the other days at conversiondiary.com

Check and check

• Starbucks this Monday morning: Fat-free Peppermint Mocha!
• Good mood music on the way in. (Air-drummed at the stop-light.)
• Quick morning walk around the building in the 9:00 hour! (another favorite tactic: Make sure to see/breathe the Morning, OUTDOORS)
• Everything bagel thin with cream cheese for breakfast!
• Already imagining my lunch outside...
• And my afternoon dark chocolate and coffee cooler treat...
• And my red wine this evening.

So except for the walk, it's all about food treats. I won't feel weird about that - it's all good so far. Haven't done any real work yet, but eh. Who cares about that nonsense. ;)

7 Quick Takes before Fall's First Day

1. Last night I decided I wanted to chat for a minute on Twitter about AJ's latest news (so I typed it in, and then promptly crashed on the couch). He had his hand X-rayed for bone age yesterday. He's 8 years old, 3'9" and 41.5 pounds, and hasn't yet lost any teeth, so the pediatrician advised we should see if his skeletal age is on par. The teeth-thing was the kicker, although our dentist has remained unconcerned all this time. AJ's fallen below the growth curve, after being in the 3-5th percentile since he was born. I feel nervous-tummy about it; growth hormone has been mentioned as a possibility. "Under five feet at fully grown" has also been mentioned as a possibility. (That was when my stomach sank.) There is a lot to talk and think about but I feel like I shouldn't even go there until the X-ray results are given to us. I'm so thankful that he's healthy, and happy. He (so far) has a great attitude about his size; we've always told him that people come in all shapes and sizes. And he says, "I can get into small spaces!"

2. Yesterday at work the whole Internet connection went down around noon, and wasn't back up and running until after 4:30. Can you believe they didn't even TRY to send people home?? Criminal. What were we supposed to do? File things?

3. We're going to a football-watching party Sunday afternoon. That will feel like fall. :) My husband is an Atlanta Falcons fan and I guess I've become one, too, especially after the arrival of Matt Ryan as our QB. But it's funny, I like a lot of the teams -- mostly because my friends or family members do. I like Seattle (my sister, and a co-worker); I like Denver (my BIL and of course because of Peyton Manning); I like Green Bay (college friend was from there and a huge fan); and I still like Tampa Bay. We're considered so odd around here because we don't really follow any one college team. I mean, we'll turn it on, and watch the score reports, but Saturday's not our Football day; it's Sunday/Monday. Who do you like?

4. In a similar vein, what fall recipes are you most looking forward to right now? Name three: 1 appetizer, 1 meal (a soup or casserole, perhaps??), and 1 dessert or sweet thing. Mine are: Rotel dip -- the one with crumbled sausage and cream cheese zomg; Baked Potato Soup in the crock pot with bacon on top; and pumpkin bread. YUMMY! I do love a good gumbo in the fall, too. I sincerely wish I could make mine as thick and hearty as I want it to be. I guess it's a lifelong pursuit and I'm willing to KEEP WORKING. ;)

5. Choir's started back up and I'm having my perennial angst about it. I love making music. I don't like spending so much time in rehearsals. I would like to do some other things, like take a regular yoga class (or a tap class!), but I don't feel like I can claim TWO weeknights for me-time. We're about to hit the "divide and conquer" years with two kids in school and activities. I'd hate to leave the choir again, but on the other hand I'd love to not have this argument with myself (and my blog) again. Sorry.

6. I've come to the conclusion that Mondays must be handled in a very specific way:

• Starbucks or DD treat in the morning (instead of Friday)
• Lunch at home on the deck if it's nice outside (or with DH or a friend if they're avail.)
• Dark chocolate at some point in the day
• Read this at some point in the day (I love this)
• Wine when I get home

It's the only way. I can't wait to try my new plan next week. See? "Can't wait" re: a Monday? Already working.

7. Does anyone watch Parks & Recreation? What'd you think of last night's episode? John McCain! Hee hee! That was funny. I think Amy Poehler looks great but I'm not very interested in a plot line of her long-distance relationship with Ben. I love Ben, but LDRs? Depressing. I need more Tom, more Donna, and more Chris Traeger + Ann Perkins. PLEASE get those two back together, I say. :)

happy friday, friends. Visit the quick takes hub.

Belle

My KT baby read her first sentences tonight. I have to mark the occasion because her reaction to the fact she could do it was so adorable.

She's been "reading" a few sight words here and there, but I've been wondering if she was ever going to catch the bookworm bug, because she often chooses to color or watch a show instead of a nightly story, and I usually let her. I'd rather force her to read, of course, but I know forcing it isn't going to help anyone, and i dont want to rev it up at bedtime. So tonight she chose coloring, and we had a great time with an under-the-sea scene and some markers. (I like coloring too!)

At 8:25, wayyyy too far past time, she asked if we could read one story. I almost refused, but I'm so glad I didn't. I got her to clean up and hop into bed and I grabbed the shortest book I could find: a Disney princesses "Beautiful Brides." I think we'd only read it once before, a couple of weeks ago.

Well, she opened that sucker up and just blew her own little mind (and filled my heart) with, "Belle... is going ...to ...marry ...the ...Prince. She (likes?...) loves ...her ...wedding ...gown."

She couldn't stop giggling.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Life, lived and listed!

Had a very busy day on Tuesday, and managed to keep my cool.

7:20 drop AJ off
7:30 Room Moms' meeting
8:15 PTA meeting
9:15 arrive at work
work work work
4:30 leave to pick up kids
4:45 was supposed to meet my latest Mary Kay source -- called her and asked if we could push it back to 5:15. She said yes. Texted DH so he could pick up KT instead of me.
5:15 makeup party. :) brief. Just eye shadows. I bought an Orange one! Risky!
6:30 leave for Cub Scout meeting at 7.
8:30 return home! bedtime routine for kids
9:00 laundry in! (It got dried but not folded, obvs)

All of that, but I just felt the goodness of a full, happy day.

I think the weather has SO much to do with it. I've long said that Fall is best season because it's such a RELIEF. Everyone I know has been visibly lighter, happier, and more pleasant since we've had 80 degrees and zero humidity this last week or so. It's remarkable.

And listen to this past weekend's lineup - again, busy but filled with sweetness.

Friday night: AJ had his best friend spend the night. There was Pizza and Ninjago and I think they watched a show they weren't supposed to (King of the Hill)! I let them get away with it.
Sat morning: Cub Scout activity for the boys and DH; Farmers' Market for KT and me!
Sat afternoon: leisurely cleaning, kids playing, mommy coloring
Sat night: Girls Night Out with my favorite moms from school. :) Sadly, DH had to deal with a somewhat grumpy/weepy KT. I may have more to say about this later.
Sunday morn: 10:00 am Mass, then brunch at Waffle House! KT's request! She said it was the best restaurant evar!
Sunday pm: Grocery shopping and apple pie baking! AJ invited to another friend's house around the corner. Dinner eaten outside on the porch. Football on the TV.

Man, things can be SO GOOD.

Labor Day and the Lutherans

"Pig," by Dave Matthews Band, is another song that puts me in the right frame of mind for Project Default: Happy.

And it helps to have "Monday" actually already be a Tuesday! Hooray for long weekends and short weeks!

---

We celebrated the christening of our very first niece this weekend, at a sweet little Lutheran church. It was lovely; she is 2 weeks old and cried and cried, and the ceremony was pretty long, much to the chagrin of her first-time mommy, who was stressing out about the crying. But baby's a little Christian now, in the loving arms of a church family. I love baptisms so much.

As for me, I was excited to attend a Lutheran service. I find it hard to believe that I've never known anyone who was Lutheran and I'm certain that until this weekend I'd never been inside a Lutheran church before. I LOVE visiting other denominations, and it has been a really long time. (When I was about three, I attended a music class at the Presbyterian church -- I still remember the off-brand chocolate sandwich cookies; we did quite a bit at the Methodist church in town -- children's choir, Sunday School, and hearing their handbell choir are some distinct memories; our violin teacher was LDS so we performed recitals at their church (? building? temple?) a few times; and then as a teen I was friends with a Prebyterian minister's daughter so I made lots of memories with their youth group. Oh, and don't forget the Nazarenes - they had a very vibrant youth group, too, that I visited a couple of times with my cousin. And the Episcopalians - love them, too. Was invited to sing with their choir once after college, and was so challenged and inspired by the very academic sermon that day!)

We were greeted very nicely by members of the parish in the front lobby area, and made to feel welcome. They had the very handy "kids' supplies" bags available to keep the KT entertained (a bag with crayons and Bible coloring sheets, for those who don't know -- I had heard of these before). The pastor spoke well, and aside from it feeling a bit rushed (and I bet it was, with both the Baptism and Communion to get through that day), I was able to follow along with the program. Nicene Creed: check, just like us. "Thanks be to God:" check. There were quite a few similarities that made me feel comfortable, and a couple of hymns I recognized.

This might be a stretch, but I liked thinking about how close it brought me to the first real Questions ever raised in Christendom; THE Martin Luther! A Christian celebrity of sorts. :) His questions that allowed for my own questions and study about Christianity, in my own time, hundreds of years later. I told my Mom in a email, "I love the Protestants." And I do! (Well, except the unreasonable, uber-evangelical, mean ones. I get twitchy around them.) The Reformation may have divided Christians for good, but it also gifted us with a rich diversity of understanding about faith, and good works, and tradition, and the Bible, and all those things. It helped Catholicism, I think, by making us sure of what we really believe. History would be much more boring indeed, if it hadn't happened.

Update on the Attitude Update

So, after a full week of Not Complaining About My Job, it appears.... I have nothing to share here.

Ho, ho, ho. Just kidding. I did have a pretty decent week last week, just by working HARD to improve my attitude. And breathing deeply, and counting blessings, and listening to some really good tunes, loudly, on my headphones. All those things.

Want to see the Playlist?

• Mumford & Sons -- Roll Away Your Stone is just unbelievably awesome 
• Catherine Wheel -- Satellite (thank you, DH, for introducing me to them so many years ago)
• The Church -- Metropolis and Business Woman
• Beck!! Oh my gosh, I'd forgotten how fun Beck is! Where It's At was on infinite repeat a couple of days last week and I danced in my chair
• Coldplay - Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love makes me so happy
• The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robot (no robots will defeat me! YouTube it right now. Note: video=odd)
• Travis -- Sing. Sing, sing, sing!

I will admit that Monday this week was difficult. Over the weekend I find less need to manage the moments and be mindful, because the weekends are Nice! So I got out of practice and my brain tilted back to its OLD default of Monday Grumble Grumble. I knew it, as it was going on, but I couldn't seem to cheerlead my way out of it, that day.

I mean, Mondays are hard no matter what, right? They ARE.

So we'll have to work on that a bit more.

I also haven't had any other time on the computer at home, to continue to the next step of Anzman's book, but I will.

----

KT started wearing uniforms this week at her Pre-K. This is the first year they've done uniforms -- it's a daycare, so only the oldest kids, the 3s and 4s, are wearing them. Because of this, some of the sizes have not yet been delivered and so, some of KT's friends aren't wearing their uniforms yet. Which makes it hard for me to convince her that she needs to wear hers. She love, love, loved it on the first day. Looked so cute, even though she chose a hot pink headband and socks, that didn't exactly match (the school hasn't specified all the way down to socks or accessories).

The second day? The shine wore right off. "I HATE MY UNIFORM! I DON'T WANNA WEAR IT I WANNA WEAR MY YELLOW DRESS!!"

The very [stupid,exhausting] morning situation I had hoped uniforms would deter.

WE CANNOT WIN, MAMAS.

(But I have a good attitude about work! Tra-la! And P.S. I am rocking the Room Mom situation so far!)

Here's what

Here's what (hat tip Andy Cohen):

Every moment has to be planned out, almost. Every hour, definitely, for productivity's sake, but sometimes even the moments in-between.

When I am prepping to go to bed, I am managing that moment by actively trying NOT to be grumpy about going to work the next day. Instead I'm actively reminding myself how nice that moment is -- washing my face in warm water, the fragrance of my favorite Aveeno night cream, the feeling of a clean mouth full of brushed teeth, and how awesome -- awesome! -- it will feel to finally stretch out under the cool sheets.

When I get out of my car to walk into the office the next day, I manage it by parking in a prettier spot than the middle of the lot. I found a spot under a tree that requires me to walk down a flowery path to the office door, instead of the other route, which is just crossing over the asphalt, and I do this so that the walk into the building can be called pleasant.

I want to call this gratitude, but right now it's mostly just moment-management. I'll have to work up to gratitude.

It's about to be our most stressful time of the year at work and I can feel the unpleasantness all around me.

-----

No.

I wrote the above yesterday. Then, last night after dinner, I got to work reading a book -- more non-fiction slash self-help! mid-life crisis?! -- I had downloaded from the fabulous Melissa Anzman, called, appropriately, Stop Hating Your Job. I mean, is that the perfect title or what? And I have homework:

Today is the end of my negativity about my job.

I am announcing it here, to my support network, because that it what you all are, really: women I admire, my DH, and my Mom. I will need your support. This is a pretty big change (I'm sorry to admit).

Not to give away the book or anything, but Anzman is pretty smart. First she has you list out ALLLLLL the things you hate about your job. I thought that exercise was funny because, DUH, not like I've never done THAT before, in the back pages of a notebook or on an unpublished draft here on the ol' blog!! Ha!

But then after letting you have your vent, she says basically this: It's your attitude.

And I have known this all along. It's why I've been working so hard to be more peaceful, to be more grateful -- I know, it's ME.

(NOT that it couldn't also be the job -- and I sure hope that the 2nd half of the book offers some good advice for if you really do think you're ready for a change, because I definitely might be. She certainly has that kind of advice on her website.)

I'm sure I'll mess up and complain a little here and there. I'll try not to. But I have a new mantra, new ways to manage the moments of the workday, and it's time to make HAPPY my default setting. I find it weird and shocking that it requires so much mental WORK for that to happen, but maybe that's what I've been missing all along.

Room Mom

I got chosen to be one of AJ's room moms! (Or at least that's the rumor... haven't gotten the official email yet.) It feels like I passed an audition or a cheerleading tryout or something (there were a lot who volunteered for the job). Now, to see if I can pull it off...!

Lined up

Student Orientation today. At the public schools around here they call them “Sneak-a-Peek” days. I took AJ over to school, watched him carry his heavy new backpack (his first legitimate Jansport, non-character one!) down the big hill, met his teacher, crammed his desk full of supplies and fat textbooks (it really does get harder as they move up) and we were done. No big emotional deal, which is a first for Mommy, I’m embarrassed to admit. Usually I get teary – good tears – that this gets to be my life, taking my boy to a school that feels like home, seeing friends that feel genuine. Today it was just 3rd Grade, business as usual. I was still happy, and he was too, but it's just what we do. Normal.

He looked bigger – several teachers and parents said they could tell he’d grown taller. Praise God, since I pray for it daily. Bless his sweet heart; he may always be small, and that is perfectly okay with me, but I know it’s kinda tough on him right now. He has classmates who are taller than he (him?) by teens of inches. Taller than me. And he hasn’t lost any teeth yet! I’m told this means they’re healthy, and that his adult teeth will also be healthy blahblah, but MAN, do I wish he could get a visit from the Tooth Fairy before he’s too old to believe in her anymore! Pray with me, Internet.

Yesterday I went to the mall to buy KT her uniform skirts and shorts. (Nothing like leaving it ‘til the last minute, right?) TCP had exactly 2 khaki pleated skirts and 2 navy pleated skirts, in her size. I actually got one of them in a 5 (too big), because by February, she WILL be five. These will go with 2 navy polo shirts, and two gold/yellow polos, which her pre-K will order for her. She’ll also receive her very own school-logoed backpack (shh, it’s a surprise) when she starts next week. Pre-K! I can’t believe it. So big. Workbooks and backpacks and a navy blue headband to go with her uniform. She can't wait, I think. We're trying to make a Very Big Deal about it for her.

It’s going to be a good year. Really busy, to be sure. Jiu Jitsu, Ballet, Cub Scouts, maybe swim lessons (?), volunteering, having friends... plus a new niece on the way, and probably a trip to Disney at Thanksgiving, on the family side of the calendar. But this is The Life. An absolutely full, fun, good, healthy life. It has become so clear to me this summer: I can actually say, “I have it all.”

Playtime

KT is in an imaginary phase. She loves to play 'Mommy and Sister,' where she is the Mommy and I am the Sister (Daughter). Sometimes she tells me, "Honey, I have to go to work now! You can stay here and take care of our Baby (doll). Don't forget to change her diaper! Bye!" It's cute. When I'm feeling mischievous, I sit on a chair and demand that she bring me snacks, made in her play-kitchen. She doesn't know to say, "You can get up and get your own snack," like her mother does. Heh, heh. Other times she pretends that she has a date with her boyfriend, Derek. And her name, in this instance, is Emily, thankyouverymuch. When she calls me "Mom" instead of "Mommy," I am required to know to respond with, "Yes, Emily?" If I don't, she'll pause and wait for me to figure it out. I don't know where she learned the name Derek. We don't know anyone with that name. But I know that he takes her to restaurants, and that she changes into a dress to get ready for these dates, and she carries her purse.

She is pretty fun.

Lunch at the Mexican restaurant

Today I am having lunch with a friend -- a non-work friend -- at a Mexican restaurant. I am so excited about it. She's the mom of a classmate of AJ's, and really lovely.

And it's good timing, because my brain won't shut itself off. I need to get out, open the windows, let some sunshine and conversation in. I have multiple blog post drafts sitting in the back-end, here, about (WARNING>>> SSDD ahead...) my feelings about my career. I can't decide if I'm more angsty about working full-time and wanting that to change, or more angsty about this company and its leaders and this job in particular. It's best if I don't spew it all out here; I'll save it for Julie today and maybe the live talking will serve me better than this self-focused typing. Maybe she'll interrupt me with some insight that will save me from the stupid downward thinking spiral.

Annnnnnd I've also not been working out, again. See how that works? TOMORROW it changes. Planning a trip to the pool, at least, and workouts next week in earnest.

----

School starts here in 3 weeks. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's definitely been a nice summer, very relaxed as far as the daily schedule is concerned. I have not missed my 5:00 a.m. Tues/Thurs. wake-ups! In fact, I just don't know if I can hack that again this year. (I said the same last year but ended up doing it.) I DO want those extra hours with AJ; I like the idea of flex-time to make Parenting work; and I have heard that 3rd grade is a huge homework year at our school, so I want to be around to assist him if needed, but... Well, if I do it I'll have to muster up all my reserves of SuperMom juice. Because ugh.

P.S. My neck is feeling somewhat better. It sux getting old.

Ache and pain

We joke, my husband and I, about our aches and pains, because we're getting old. He's slightly ahead of me, having passed the 40-year mark already, but I assure him I'm feeling 40 already. It looooooooms.

This week I have a pain in my neck -- not a figurative one, either. I've caused it, I'm sure. Years of 8-hour days at the computer -- yes, I take breaks and go to meetings and all, but for the most part, it's sitting in front of the screen -- plus this thing I got myself into 4 years ago: putting KT to bed. She was the infant who needed to fall asleep in my arms, and knowing she was my last baby, I let her. I soaked those nights up. I tried not to complain.

She got bigger. We rocked every night, until she was at least two, probably three -- long after the rocking chair was comfortable for both of us together. She got a big-girl bed but... well, I'm still just aiming for easy nights, and what's made it easier is staying with her for a few minutes while she lies there winding down. It's a twin bed, and I've lain on my side, elbow propping up my head, my back leaned up against her wall. All this time, I didn't realize I was probably not doing my body any favors. Sometimes it's 15-20 minutes that I stay in that position. It didn't feel uncomfortable, necessarily.

This week, it feels uncomfortable. I also blame the dumb layout of our den, and our TV-watching habit. I/we LOVE watching a little TV at the end of the day; I'm not apologizing for that. But the way I sit, on the couch, is another contributor, I think, to my feeling 40 this week. (I'm still only 38!) I either have to turn my head just slightly to see the TV, or I lie down. And it's not an ergonomic lie-down, it's propped up with some pillows so I can see, until I realize it's too many pillows, and then it's fewer pillows or none, which doesn't really feel much better... and then I'll shift to my side, elbow propping up my head again.

I want to smack myself for all of these behaviors, actually. I should have known better. The pain is mostly when I look down -- oh, I also blame looking down at my iPhone all the time (damn you, digital culture!) -- or move my head around, but there's a dull ache when I'm just sitting. And now I'm hyper-aware of it, trying to stand and sit perfectly aligned, which feels like it must look weird to other people.

DH massaged it last night, and I have a gift card to the spa from Mother's Day that I haven't scheduled yet. That is happening soon. I'm trying to stop elbow-propping altogether. I am breathing deep and stretching every chance I get. I don't feel stressed. I know which yoga poses are good for necks. I was so zen, enjoying more moments of my days, but now all I can think about is this stupid little ache.
 
It's strange how much your neck means to you.

7 Quick Takes - 20-year reunion edition

(Watch out, two posts in one week!)

1. So, the thing about reunions and high school classmates is that they're like your brothers and sisters, really. I mean, they're so far planted into the fabric of who you are, and where you've been, and how you relate to the world. Before the reunion, I was trying to figure out WHY we feel the need to reunite with people we only hung around for 4 years. I thought, I have Facebook, I don't really need to see these people in person, many of whom I didn't even like all that much back then, and I don't know who I'm even going to talk to. But after the reunion, where I didn't ever feel the need to include last names when introducing people to my husband -- "This is Edward ___ wasn't necessary -- it's just Edward. I mean, you know -- Ed! From my LIFE." -- I get it now. We get together because they're part of us, whether or not we want them to be.

2. Especially coming from a small Catholic school like mine. We all laughed about wearing name tags. Really? We need these? There were only 88 of us. We didn't have the kind with yearbook photos, thank goodness, but still. I suppose they're for the spouses, mostly. Apparently, late at the Friday night event, which we missed because we were still driving into town, the name tags of the absent people got passed around, even to some random strangers who were at the same bar where the class was gathered. Such a typical thing for the jokers from my class to do. When they told me about it the next night, they said they had given mine to some young 20-something and told her a little about me... and then she went ahead and looked me up on Facebook on her phone. And I HAD gotten a very random friend request that night (I was checking my phone while we drove, to see photos from the event; there weren't many.) I ignored it like I do all weird friend requests, but now I know what it was!

3. Lots of people DO NOT CHANGE.

4. Some people do, however. The person I talked to the most, probably, was a person I talked to only a handful of times during school (but he's part of my BEING!). He was too cool then, not in the popular athlete kind of way, but in the popular-alternative-music-and-extreme-sarcasm way. Wait, those people weren't the popular ones in your school? They were, in mine. (So were the athletes, but the alt-music crowd was a different kind of cool, altogether.) Anyway, he's now a stay-at-home dad (!), homeschooling his two boys, doesn't drink at all (!), and still playing music, now in a local country band "because that's where the money is." He said all their dreams and inspirations went out the window once they got older and now playing music is "all business." HA! HAHA! 

5. I started thinking, this morning, about our principal. She's been there 25 years+. She was the only nun at our school (nun shortage, you know) and... we all really hated her. But now I can't really remember when we, as students, ever talked with her or how she appeared in our daily lives. I mean, I know she was in charge, she had a reputation for being "mean," and she did used to walk the halls sometimes, but it isn't like she taught classes -- she mostly stayed in her office. I bet she would have been a good moderator for clubs and things... but she didn't do that. I bet deep down, she's led quite a lonely life, actually. I bet she knew the cruel names we all called her. (Adults, I know now, aren't stupid.) I think I need to add her to my daily (or, my whenever I remember) prayer list. I wonder how long she'll stay there?

6. Some people REALLY change. The sister of one of our classmates who has passed away (I say that for MB's benefit), turns out to be a really good, interesting, kind person. She and her mom attended our events and I'm so glad they did.

7. They had a photobooth.With props (not seen in this pic).

Thunderstorms, chocolate, and a secret

Funny story: Last night after putting the kids to bed, I went back downstairs as I typically do. Even KT knows, and tells me in our "goodnight" routine, to go "do laundry, do dishes, then to bed. Tell Daddy I was a good girl. I love you, too, sweet dreams." That's our speech. She repeats it to me every night. Anyway, last night it wasn't a laundry night, but I needed to do some work on the computer. I was also hungry. My portioned-out dinner (1/2 chicken breast, 1/2 c. green beans, salad, and 1 crescent roll) just hadn't satisfied me. There was also a chocolate need I wanted to accept and acknowledge. You know I've been working on my zen... Be present in this very moment. Well, in this very moment my brain said, CHOCOLATE. Who am I to disregard that? 


So I pulled out one of these little gems, Baker's microwaveables. Have you had these? (Not being paid by them.) They KEEP in the fridge! Re-use whenever you're being especially present in a moment! They are so handy. I set the container, some graham crackers, and some marshmallows out on the kitchen table and I had myself a little dessert feast. SO YUMMY. I didn't sit with it, but walked by it every few minutes and nibbled a little. A dessert buffet for one.


And then the thunder started. DH went upstairs first, to calm the troops while I tried to finish up on the laptop. But when that giant branch flung itself into the side of the house -- the side that just happens to contain AJ's room -- all bets were off and they came tearing back downstairs to cower under my couch blanket.


I thought they had moved fast enough to avoid the sight of my spread, and at first, they had. No mention of it was made, only the mention of the lightning they saw, and the hail that was beating down on the roof. ("Who's 'Hail?'" asked KT.) I sat with them on the couch, patting backs and making soothing noises (I hope), and trying to keep them from looking in the general direction of the kitchen. I made big eyes at DH and pointed to my stuff, back there, and asked him to please sweep it away before it was too late and we were serving 2nd dinner to a couple of already-brushed-teeth kids. He did, but I think they saw. I think they know the secret truth now...


WE HAVE MORE FUN, AND SOMETIMES DESSERT, AFTER YOU GO TO SLEEP.

7 Quick Takes relative to nearly nothing

1.  We saw the new Spiderman movie last night. (On a weeknight! We didn't even go home after work, just simply met at the theater!) Both my husband and I -- he a devoted Marvel Comics fan since childhood, me a reluctant but now immersed present-day fan -- thought that they did a fantastic job with the re-boot. You didn't think Tobey MacGuire could be bested as nerdy Peter Parker? Neither did I. But I have to say, Andrew Garfield definitely gave the character more nerd. DH said, "I was jealous of his hair." Hahaha. Anyway, if you're a Marvel devotee, you will probably enjoy the film. It's somewhat darker than the Sam Raimi version, but I thought that the girlfriend, the family relationships and the music, in particular, were more beautiful.


2.  One of the things I've been struggling with professionally is just my lack of friends in the office. And a problem of our modrun-day-soci-uhtee, which is that we're all too damn busy (read: doing the jobs of 3 people) to chit-chat (read: get to KNOW each other) during the day, or take lunches very often, or have any fun. Blah. Even with those restrictions, though, I'd be happier if I had more than ONE person to call a buddy. One person to tell weekend stories with. One person I go to lunch with. And she's my manager so sometimes, she's not the perfect candidate but she's all I got. Suppose I should spend more time being grateful for HER.

3.  In June, we signed on to my company's health insurance instead of DH's, and guess what -- it costs HALF as much. This is another thing I'm having a hard time reconciling -- I'd love to seek out a different gig, but I hate to give up this brand-new benefit that's going to save me so much money this year! Kinda stupid logic, I know, and I guess no reason to stay miserable, if I am, in fact, miserable, but... still. I'm not quite miserable yet.

4. Let's switch gears to talk about the fact that TONIGHT I get to see my kiddos! We have LOVED having this week to ourselves. Morning-time, alone, has been worth having those two away for a week! So calm! So easy! Wake up, shower, get dressed, make coffee... don't talk if you don't feel like it! There's a lot of talking going on when they're home in the mornings. However, I do look forward to having them back. The household personality has been reduced by a large margin and ohmygosh, do I need some AJ and KT hugs. I don't think I'd even mind some constantly-shared details about the latest level of Pokemon.


5. What do I wear to my 20-year HS reunion this weekend, Internet?? Nah, just kidding. Of all the cliche mom-blog topics. I'd show you what I'm considereing, but I can't find, online, the items I bought last week at the Talbot's outlet. One is a silk tank-top with capris, the other is a casual dress (not black). Trying to remember to just be myself, and that we're too old to judge each other based on clothing. We're attending the Saturday "family" beach event (who decided this? Are we supposed to wear swimsuits? The invite says bring towels. I'd like to kick the asses of the planners if so, and I will probably wear shorts), and the Saturday night adults-only party. Skipping the school tour Sunday morning, although that would be fun. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about afterwards. Naturally I have a new zit today.


6. Going home at lunch is simply one of my favorite things. Especially when it contains these three things: Wrapping presents for my widdle boy who will be EIGHT on Sunday (!!!); eating a VIRTUOUS salad of kidney beans, green peppers, tomatoes and Italian dressing for lunch; and watching Wimbledon! That is how it went down today, and it has added quite a bit to my overall assessment of this long Friday.


7.  The things for which I am responsible at my office are not in any way related to life or death. So if that email doesn't get designed/sent today, it's not that big of a deal. If that website isn't updated until Monday, no one will really notice (truly, just about no one will). If those magazine samples aren't mailed out, Who Cares? This kind of freedom is one thing I do appreciate about my job.


Don't miss http://www.conversiondiary.com/ for the Queen of Quick Takes!

Good weeks, lame blog posts

I feel compelled to report that we had a nice vacation, as always. It was even better this year because the kids actually enjoyed the beach, and played carefree in the waves and sand, like normal people! Until this year it's always been toddler-like fits over the feel of the sand and being too scared to go near the water, which, in my opinion, is the only thing that makes being at a beach in the summertime pleasant -- the fact that there's cool water immediately available. We sat together at the water's edge, being regularly cooled by those waves, trying to build sand mountains and knowing they would continue to get knocked down. And trying again. It's a very zen way to sit. :)

We got pink, and then tan, and breathed in as much of that good, clean vacation air as we could. 

This week both the kids are staying at my parents' house. We are all alone, DH and I! We are going to go to a movie on a weeknight! We have eaten delicious Asian food two nights in a row! Bliss! The house is so quiet, though. It's odd. I know they're having fun, extending their vacation. We had to come back to work, but because my H.S. reunion is next weekend, we can go back down to Florida on Friday to pick the kids up.

Yesterday my mind was still fuzzy and I eased back into the work mindset (by scrolling through a lot of Facebook). Thankfully my actual tasks were kept at bay with two meetings and a coworker lunch. Today, however, I'm starting to feel stressed about all the things on my proverbial to-do lists, work and home, although I try not to write those anymore, and particularly not multiple ones. I am also feeling renewed job-angst (you: shocker). Glad that at least tomorrow is a day off! That's nice to come home to. It can't all be blogged here, I guess, and it's a shame, because when I'm feeling stressy and sometimes down, I think I write better posts.

For now, this lame little update will have to suffice. Maybe I can break the angst down into specific chunks and write just about those in the near future. Hmm.  

Zen things

These are my zen goals (I guess that's a little bit of an oxymoron) for next week's vacation:

1. Breathe in the good, warm salt air and experience morningtime, my favorite time of day.
2. Have breakfast on the porch.
3. Play games with my kids. Football-throwing in the pool, card games on coffee tables, sand castles and digging on the beach, wave chasing at the water's edge, mini-golf across the street.
4. Share quiet evenings with my husband. Maybe a moonlight walk. :)
5. Make each day last longer by being fully present in, and grateful for, as many moments as I can.
6. Give thanks and appreciation for each person I am with, and make an effort to be with all of them.
7. Read, and maybe nap.
8. Eat mindfully and drink plenty of water. 
9. Enjoy the happy buzz of a sweet cocktail or two.
10. Practice yoga, and enjoy some cardio (what a concept!) in the water each day.

We leave tomorrow morning. I'm going to attempt to stay away from the lure of those  iPhone Apps, especially during the day. Head up! Look at the scenery! I'll catch you guys on the other side.

Time for wishing it were so...

I absolutely have an idealized memory of my summer vacations as a kid - a whole lot of doing nothing, jumping on the trampoline, playing with the neighbors, "free as a bird" free time. And watching TV.

But Swistle's awesome Summer Regimens post yesterday made me remember what I wanted to write about summertime activities. First of all, in my comment over there, I said I distinctly remember piano practice being the one summer activity I had to do that felt like work. I know my Mom didn't force the issue -- she was not a Tiger Mom -- but I do remember thinking, "It's summer! I shouldn't HAVE to do anything!" when it came to music practice. (There was probably violin practice required in there somewhere, which I hated infinitely more than piano practice.)

I loved reading books, doing the library's summer programs, vacation bible school, playing tennis and swimming lessons.

What I wanted to write about summertime was: I am SO GLAD sometimes that I don't have to entertain my kids every day of the summer! I would totally put them in the least expensive daycamps I could find, as often as possible, because GAH! They're bad enough on Saturdays and Sundays! I would have to think of things like daily worksheet time (thank goodness for printables), and once a week experiments (which would likely just be "baking"), and I think I WOULD have to institute certain times of day for certain things. Like chores! OH YES, I would institute chores-time. And TV-time, all other time being NO TV-time.

My kids are whiners, that's for sure, and if they weren't in daycare/camp, they would whine about being boooooooored. I am certain of it. 

The more I think about it, the more exact my plan starts to become. And I guess this would have been true if I had been a stay-at-home Mom before my kids were in school. (KT starts pre-K this fall so the time for my wishing it were so is effectively over. Can you believe that?) I really would have -- I've always said this -- been a meticulous planner about our schedules. Possibly too much.

So maybe, after all these years, looking back, I'm thankful for having been a working mom.(Maybe.)

Rules for Dads

Here's another fantastic post about Being a Great Dad by Leo Babauta.

Excerpt: There are only three things you need to do to be a great dad:

1. Be there. If you’re in their lives, you rock. If you’re there when they scrape their knee, lose their first tooth, need someone to cry to, need help with their school project, want a partner for playing house or hide-and-seek... you are already being a great dad. Be there, when they need you, and when they don’t.

2. Love them. They will know you love them, if you love them fully. It will show in your smile, in your touch, in your good-morning hugs. But also tell them on a regular basis. Infuse all your dad actions with love.

3. Be present. It’s great to be in the same room with them, but as much as you can afford to, be fully present with them. Shut off the mobile device, close the laptop, turn off the TV, and really pay attention. Listen to their long fragmented stories. Really watch when they want to show off their new wizard or ninja move.

The best thing about these rules? They can be applied to Moms, too. The 2nd-best thing: My kids' Dad already knows them by instinct.

Thanks for being you, DH, and for sacrificing your Father's Day to drive us safely on the highway yesterday.

Oh, those 'Dallas' Friday nights

Man, I LOVED the Dallas reboot Wednesday night. I didn't watch the second hour but it's definitely waiting for me -- and now on Series Record -- on the DVR.

We spent Friday nights watching the show when I was a kid, as a family, which I find so funny now because I wouldn't let my kids watch such a show! But at the time that's what was available, and besides, my mom was born and raised in Big D, and we were Texans, and that was the end of any argument, not that there ever was one.

I loved how they re-filmed the opening sequence, almost exactly like the original but in HD, with that awesome theme song. I got chills. (Should I be embarrassed?) And the aerial shots of Southfork still looked the same -- those yellow and white striped awnings in the back!! the SF logo!! -- and the soap opera-y twists and turns and crazy plot devices were so expected, and yet still fun. It's campy, but I think it's in a good way. I can see getting sick of that as it goes on, but for the first episode, it was the perfect nod to the "olden days."

I thought the younger actors were great, although I think they cast the girlfriends with too much brunette. Have they never been to Texas? Texas has blondes and I imagine John Ross and Christopher would be the type of guys who insist on blond-hair-blue-eyes. Duh. Unless they're having mommy-issues, since both of their moms... well, anyway. I had a hard time keeping up with which brunette was which.

And dear, sweet, good Bobby. He was ...one of my first celebrity crushes. (Aaaannnnd I'll never hear the end of THAT from DH.) ;)

Of course, my mom and her sister were devotees back in the day; they had taken us kids to visit the "Southfork" house during one of our trips to Dallas. Another time, when I was around ten, we heard that they were filming the Cattle Barons' Ball (they mentioned it Weds. night, too!) in a local hotel and we drove right over there to see who we could see. We had a blast. I think we saw Patrick Duffy, I know we saw Victoria Principal and Christopher Atkins (later seasons!) and had pictures taken with them, and we were told that my cousin Tom got a private audience with Larry Hagman himself -- he was the only boy in the group of 6 kids, and someone with the crew took him down the hall to a room where Hagman evidently was waiting for his next appearance on set. All of us kids were just in AWE -- TOMMY MET J.R.!!!! The rest of us never saw him but I smiled last night, when he finally got up out of his chair, that million-dollar J.R. grin still recognizable.

It doesn't feel quite right on a Wednesday, but everything else about it was awesome.

p.s. Thanks to my mom, I found this article, an excellent interview with Patrick Duffy! Reading that just makes me happy. :)

Tweet I liked

Hee hee.

Summer begins

Yesterday we got a postcard from AJ and it absolutely made my day. He has been away at summer camp for 89:28 hours and I do miss him! His postcard says he is having "SO much fun." Underlined. :)

The whole experience has been great for the Mama, too. If you're going to send your kid to camp, I highly recommend a Christian one. Most of you probably know that. But, oh, has this camp filled my heart with gladness and peace, and my eyes with good tears, on so many occassions! When we arrived, the 4 counselors recognized him from the photo I attached to his application! Called him by name! When we were setting him up in his cabin, one of the counselors handed me a picture of himself, something the camp had printed up, to remind me of his name so that I could pray for him daily. DH took that in the sarcastic way, like, "PRAY for me, I'll be here with 16 seven-year-olds all week!" (haha!) but I think it was meant in the earnest-Christian way, and I just LOVE that. I've kept his picture right under AJ's on my desk at work and I have, indeed, prayed for them both, all week.

Maybe I'm growing, at least in my prayer-life, as AJ is growing in confidence and independence.

It's so comforting to know that he's in good hands, and being prayed for and loved by all these people who barely know him. What a gift. He's probably learning things about Jesus and the Bible that, forgive me, but they don't teach the same way in Catholicism. I don't fault Catholicism, but I know that my youth was influenced so wonderfully by the earnest and loving Protestants in various times of my life, and I'm thrilled to give AJ a taste of that branch of Christianity, too. I hope he's soaking it up.

Before he left, he had been swimming one time, with a friend on the last day of school. I'm really glad of it. Before I sent him out into the big, bad world of sleepaway camp, I was at least assured that he remembers, from last summer's lessons and progress, to kick his feet. I wasn't there with him that day and it was a TEST of my phobia, for sure. I hate to admit it, but I still seem to fear his drowning, and for some reason I continue to let my mind go there. I spent the afternoon panicked, shaking it off, willing myself not to think about it, panicked again, and then after a quick Google of "how to pray about fear," reading and re-reading, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I only texted the mother once, saying, "All OK?" But I had the urge to text her several additional times, to say, "Remind AJ to KICK HIS FEET."

This week I know they're swimming at camp, too. But I'm trying to trust that he's in good hands. (Actually I saw photos of the pool and its shallow end is extremely shallow, plus I think that at least 4 counselors and 1 lifeguard are present any time the kids are in the water.) Trust is something I probably could stand to work on, for more than just my kids' swimming, so it's good to practice.

As for Miss KT, she has been extra sweet this week while she's had the parents all to herself. I really think this has been good for her, as well. Monday was my birthday and we celebrated with a nice dinner out (and my new Kindle Fire! I've already ordered a new book for it, woo-hoo!! Fiction!*) Tuesday after work, she and I had a big game of Dollhouse in her room, and I loved being able to focus just on her, and not feel like I was ignoring AJ. Yesterday I took HER to the pool -- still in arm-floaties, no mama-fear! -- and this afternoon, I think we're going to do some baking (banana bread). She and I will go back up to the camp tomorrow morning to pick up her brother.

So far, I like this summer a lot. :) Our big beach vacation is in two weeks, and my 20-year high school reunion is in July. Lots to look forward to! Lots to be grateful for.



* I did read some fiction at the end of May. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. Excellent book. I've started another, given to me by DH's grandmother, that's definitely a beach read. I think it's even called Summer By The Sea. By Susan Wiggs. Not my typical choice, but it's keeping me busy while DH watches E3 (video gaming conference) coverage all week! The one I bought is called I Am Forbidden, and it IS my typical kind of book, about Hasidic Judaism. Can't wait to start it!

Genealogy moment

My mom has taken to sending these emails to my sister and me, called "genealogy moments," on certain birthdays or anniversaries. (Because she's a [very lovable] genealogy nerd! She goes to genealogy camp and everything!) Sometimes the emails are about things we know, like our own grandparents' birthdays, and sometimes they're things we might have heard before, but don't think about very often. Here is today's, and it's one of our most interesting family stories, I think:

Your dad's grandmother, Radegundi "Gundi" W___, was born this day in 1874 or 1876 (conflicting reports). Her mother died when she was a baby. Her father didn't know what to do with all his children without his wife, so he sent some of them to be raised by the nuns; Gundi was one of those. She came to the USA when she was a teenager, traveling alone on a ship. Her brothers had paid her passage, but she didn't know that it included meals so she didn't eat for days. I guess she finally found out she could eat too. After arriving in NYC she traveled to Chicago, still alone, where 2 of her brothers, Frank and George, were living. She married Ferdinand R______ in Chicago in 1894. They must have attended the Chicago World's Fair in 1893, don't you think?

Can you imagine sending your child across the ocean, to be raised by the nuns??? Crazy. P.S. Yesterday was, incidentally, the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation! Learned this from a friend on Facebook (I had no recollection of the actual date). *Points to self* Officially OLD.

Five months of non-fiction

Since finishing The Hunger Games trilogy, I haven't read any fiction except for a couple of The 39 Clues books that AJ is reading. That's since January, my friends, and that is a record for me, in lack of fiction.

It hasn't been entirely on purpose, but I have surprised myself by enjoying it. I'm not reading history books either, it's all been self-help-ish. I've wondered if this is the beginning of my mid-life crisis. Or, mid-life re-evaluation, or something.

I started this course, as I say, unintentionally, with Committed, by Liz Gilbert, only because I'd heard it's as good as Eat, Pray, Love. And you know, her stuff reads kind-of like a novel so it was a perfect segue. I'm still not through it completely but I do love her voice.

I got distracted, though, when we were having all of our stress. I believe I mentioned I had to pull Parenting with Love & Logic back off my shelf, to remind myself how to parent. (It's been going better, by the way. Mostly... KT's battle of choice these days has switched from bedtime to bathtime. We don't WANNNNNNNNNT to wash our hair, everEVER. Not with new fancy shampoo, not at the kitchen sink *just like a salon!*, not nowhere, no-how. SOMETIMES, if Daddy lets us dump water on HIS head, we will allow someone to then dump water on our head. But not always.)

I also discovered No Regrets Parenting, and have it on my Kindle. I was stopped in my tracks reading the author's tweets about how "the days are long, but the years are short." He sends this one out every few days: "Only 940 Saturdays from birth to age 18 -- if your kid is 5, you've used up 260 already. What are you doing this weekend??" AAAAACCCKKK. Gets me right in the heart. So I've not even read two chapters of his book; I'd like to, but I feel like I'm wasting PRECIOUS MOMENTS if I sit down with it.

And then, I've been dealing with the yuckiness that comes with a desk job a little bit, too. Specifically, not enjoying the desk job. Happens perennially. So I grabbed a book called Off Balance by Matthew Kelly. Its premise is this: "Work-Life Balance is a myth, and no one actually wants that, anyway." I love this idea. No one wants their work life and their personal life to be equal-time! Besides that, you only get ONE life, not two. What we all really WANT is Personal and Professional Satisfaction. If that means less time at work, then you have to work to make that happen. If you'll be more satisfied with more career success, then you'll have to sacrifice other things to GET that satisfaction. The book had a quiz, "How Satisfied Are You?", which I lapped up like a kitten to milk; true story -- I am "finding moderate levels of personal and professional satisfaction." This actually surprised me because, of course, I started reading the book in a time of what I thought were pretty cruddy levels of satisfaction. I'm only disappointed that it doesn't seem to have acute tips, like "Step 1, Step 2..." but I'm not finished with it yet.

Then, I've tweeted at least twice about how much I'm loving zenhabits.net. Mindfulness, how to be happy, how to live well.... all of that just seems to be feeding my soul right now. I'm learning a lot.

But I'm also ready for some great STORY to come along and indulge my literary needs. :)

Morning

dooce posted this and it put a lump in my throat. Thought I should share.

Stock-taking

Eek. I need to get! moving! on a few things:

1. Learn how to make real frosting. We made a cake for New Year's Eve and I used Pillsbury's canned chocolate frosting. I'm sorry, Pillsbury, in general I do love you, but I've decided that canned frosting is not worth my $2.49. ...Tried once; haven't tried again.



2. Have our giant yard sale and clean up the basement.  ...We've priced things; have a few to go; maybe in 2 weeks? Spring will be over soon...


3. Get my personal business files in order and create The Spreadsheet.


4. Contact a law office and get our wills written.


5. Continue working out and possibly run a 5K. Possibly, I said.  ...Argh.


6. Do better with vegetables and my kids. (KT ate - and loved - spinach yesterday though! Cooked spinach!)


7. My photo albums. This will be finished by the end of January, so help me God. ...FINISHED!


8. Finish replacing all the blinds in our house. (There are a few rooms with old-style, crumbling venetian (metal) blinds, and I hate them.)


9. Paint/redecorate the master bath.


10. Clean all the tile/grout. Three bathrooms, one toothbrush, hands and knees. I haven't done it in a very long time and it shows!!  ... Did one bathroom. Still need to do the other two! Bleh.

Becoming a trend?

Remember when I took the kids to the Aquarium during Spring Break, and they behaved like angels and I could barely believe my luck?

They have done it AGAIN.

On our anniversary last Saturday, we didn't get a babysitter but still wanted to go out and celebrate, and I had also decided that there's no reason a celebration of our marriage shouldn't include our kids, so we ventured to the town square, hoping to visit a favorite little Italian place. [Aside: I have never considered myself a lover of Italian restaurants or cuisine. And for a date, it's so cheesy, right? Every movie and TV show always puts the dating scene at an Italian restaurant and I've never felt that spaghetti/pasta (cheap, messy) and meatballs (balls... of meat?) are particularly romantic -- especially not now, when I make spaghetti in my own kitchen 2-3 times a month. I don't know. I mean, obviously we order the grown-up entrees like Chicken Marsala and Lobster Ravioli, but still. I just find it amusing every time I report that we have been to a "favorite Italian place." Like, Who Am I?]

KT's usual claim is that she doesn't LIIIIKE that restaurant, whichever restaurant it is besides McDonald's or Stevi B's Pizza, so I wasn't real hopeful we could make it happen without at least one meltdown. But we did!! Serendipitously, the only tables available were outside. We knew that was the better option, anyway,  to drown out our noise with passing cars and not bother the other patrons. And the weather was perfect. Almost too warm, but not quite. The kids ordered and ate their food (plain pasta for KT, spaghetti with a giant meatball for AJ), drank WATER (miracle) willingly, stayed in their chairs, and were generally so pleasant that I declared it one of the BEST anniversary dates we've ever had! (I hope DH wasn't offended by that.)

This weekend is AJ's First Communion and Grandparents' Day at his school, so ya-ya-ma and Papa Joe arrive this afternoon. The kids have been COUNTING DOWN and are so excited. Yesterday they both kept saying, "I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait."

We have a lot of plans for the weekend, and I think it's going to be a good one. :)

My heart

KT says, "mommy, I can hear your heart beep."

Heart beep, you guys.

:)


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My truths, this week

1. Blessing my circumstances. Waking up thankful for everything I can think of.
2. Love and logic (still trying!). "Uh-oh! Looks like you're having another tantrum. That's too bad. I can't think with all this noise going on, so I need to take you to your room. Would you like to stay there with the door open or closed??" Lalala!
3. Keeping perspective about work. Sometimes on the weekends I get a feeling/reminder that my job is so small in the grand scheme of things, and shouldn't be something I fret or get stressed over. It's laughable, really, the daily details of jobs. Totally laughable. Something to laugh at, to distract me for 8 hours a day, to bring home a paycheck. Nothing more.
4. On the flipside of that coin, my job IS actually a ministry to our end-users. I am lucky to have the opportunity every day to do some of the work that Jesus modeled and advised -- aiding the sick, specifically -- in my daily tasks, even if it's indirectly. So I'm trying to keep that in mind.
5. Eating well to fuel, and getting more much-needed exercise. [Countdown to beach week and] I want, on a personal scale, to be an athlete. Or at least a fitness aficionado.

It's a lot

Not gonna lie, Internet: This whole week has been hard. This afternoon has dragggggged on, as most Fridays do, but this one more than usual. I went home for lunch, but that activity has been rendered weird/sad since no little furry head is there to greet me quizzically with his, "What are you doing here during my daytime nap?" look. There's no one so say "bye" to when I go out the garage door to go back to work. It's just not right. I got a gut-punch feeling in my stomach while I was there, and kept thinking I just didn't care about anything, definitely not about going back to my stupid politics-and-secrets office.

And I feel silly saying all this about a dog, especially when I didn't have to do the hard part of being there at the moment. DH is likely suffering more. I know nobody who's ever loved a pet could hold it against me, and that it's normal and he was a family member and all of that stuff. I know it, but I just can't grant myself permission not to feel slightly "get over it" toward myself.

Then we've had extra tantrums from KT, who only had fever for about 12 hours on Tuesday/Wednesday but whose mood has remained crappy. I know she's under stress, too -- she has asked every day, "Where is Polie?" and "Why is Polie in Heaven?" so she's processing it slowly -- but the stupidity surrounding her bedtime (not to mention her waking up time) is just about to kill me dead. Last night my choir practice was cancelled, but the previous night I had declared in ALL CAPS That I was DONE putting her to bed, DONE!! Poor DH replied, rightly, "Don't get mad at me!" So last night, as I was saying, I went out anyway, even though I had nowhere to go. I took a book I felt it was time to revisit -- Parenting with Love and Logic, thank you again for the years-ago recommend, MB -- and do you know what I did? I ran away. From my 4-YEAR-OLD. To A BAR. I had a glass of red wine (okay, two) and sat there in silence for 2 hours and it was nice, but felt wrong. For one thing, I've never gone to a bar by myself. I'm a 37-year-old adult but I felt like I was getting away with something. Or that people would look at me funny. For another thing I felt guilt for leaving DH with a potential tantrum. I pray alot when I do that -- please give him patience, please give him the patience that I never seem to have. I mean, I know us moms have to have our me-time, but still. I just thought it would be easier, after my declaration, if I weren't in the house as even an OPTION for her (since I'm usually not there on Thursday nights anyway). I don't know what I'll do tonight when she begs and pleads for me to put her to bed, not Daddy. I will have to refuse - I can't do it. She uses me up while the Disney Princesses CD plays in the background. (Unless I turn it off when she makes an unwise CHOICE. Like hitting me.)

I love that Love & Logic book but damn if I can perform the antics that it advises. Antics, meaning, "STAY CALM and IN CONTROL," hahahaha, and just use logical consequences and smirk to yourself because you're so much smarter than your 4-year-old. I don't know, Internet, I may not BE smarter than my four-year-old. A lot of times I think she outsmarts me.

It's just too much stress right now, from all sides. The work side and the personal side. I've presented myself as a flake at AJ's school twice this week via fax, because I can't remember which forms are due when, or how much to write the check for.

I did one thing right in all this noise: Yesterday afternoon I made the kids turn off the ever-lovin' TV to help me make dinner (pasta with zucchini, baked in the oven). We pulled up chairs and took turns, and had dance parties while we waited for the oven to heat up, and the pasta to boil. That was fun and good medicine for all of us. (Vegetable Ninjas!)

I hope that a good weekend, a date night with DH and another couple of friends, and The Hunger Games (odd choice for a pick-me-up, I know) will pick me up. I need to get back on the treadmill, back out in the sunshine. Back to normal.

Today

My day so far:

Still grieving/getting used to the loss of Polie...

KT=101.3 fever=home with me...

(working at home?? Probably not)

Had to get food to AJ's school for lunch today, since dog and fever situations prevented it from happening Mon or Tues....

Costco doesn't open until 10...

First Lunch starts at 10:30...ack...!

on the way between Costco and school a cop pulled out behind me, making my heart POUND...

It's 11:00 a.m. And I'm ready for my wine.






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Good boy.

Napoleon (Polie)
1996 - 2012

We will sure miss that face.

It would have been an outdoor picnic, if not for allergies!

Being back in the office after a lovely 5-day Spring Break/Easter weekend is really no fun at all. Good thing my Lenten ban on blogging during work hours has been lifted!

My mind feels quite distanced from the buzz of work, after taking Wednesday through Friday of last week off. I needed it -- we have been straddling ridiculous levels of politics and nonsense at my office (in fact, one coworker is, at this very moment, running up and down the hall behind me, trying to complete a task for the Prez, I guess, but... ugh. annoying AND stressy). I was free to Not Think About it during my days off, and that was a mental break I greatly appreciated. I don't know how much office politics you deal with on a daily basis. I, myself, have never dealt with as much as I'm dealing with now. It's not directly related to my job, thankfully -- it's upper executive level stuff, like Org Charts and Restructuring and who reports to whom, hiring and firings, and why won't they tell us "X," (even though we already know through the grapevine) and "your budget has been frozen," and all kinds of stuff -- really. All going on at the same time, and all without any end in sight.

Never mind your actual work deadlines. Hahahaha. (That program might get cut, anyway. But might not. So do your best! Wheee!)

It makes for draining workdays and the desire for a glass of wine most every night. I typically resist but I probably deserve it.

So during our break, we took trips to the park (AJ rode his bike a full mile! And we're still on training wheels at age 7.5, which is another topic, but I'm proud of him), did errands, ate more than our share of french fries at lunches/dinners out, and on Friday the kids and I braved the Georgia Aquarium with all the rest of Atlanta's living humans. I knew it would be crowded, the last day of many districts' Spring Breaks, but I kept telling myself, "We'll make the best of it. We'll just make the best of it." And I was rewarded with kids who behaved, stayed close, didn't whine (even when it was lunchtime and MY tummy was growling, and we had to wait in epic lines), and were just really, truly cooperative. They didn't even go for the most expensive items in the Gift Shop, but were content with a 3D bookmark (AJ) and a little fish-shaped keychain (KT). I think it was a day that they'll remember fondly, and I will, too. I was proud of myself for going alone; I would have liked to experience it together with DH (he was working that day), but honestly I don't think he would have had as much fun because of the crowds. Is not a big fan. And I really wanted to go during Spring Break, so I had to make it happen.

Unfortunately, we have also had another situation brewing. Our dog has not been well. In fact, he's been in the hospital now for 5 full days and nights, and we don't know what's going to happen next. It's been hard to continue to put on the "vacation" face for the kids while we know a decision could be imminent. And we also want to give their first experience of old age/pet death the dignity and life-lesson attention it deserves. I'm waiting for a call from DH with an update. The dog is 15 and a half, and the end has loomed now for at least a year, as his eyesight has gone, and his hearing, and his arthritic hips have made it hard for him to navigate our house. This new issue (vestibular disease, if you're interested) has brought extra difficulty. The problem is, he doesn't seem to be in pain at the moment (we saw him Saturday), he just can't walk. I know that if an animal his age can't do his business on his own - and he can't right now - it's probably time, but oh, it's hard to say that it's time.

Updated to add: in case anyone Googles vestibular disease and happens upon this page, the doctors said he must have also had something else going on because he wasn't responding to the antibiotics, and vestibular disease usually is treatable. They speculate a mild stroke or a tumor.

On the bright side, my house is clean, our taxes are filed, and laundry is done. We had a really nice Easter Sunday, with plenty of candy, thumbs-up on the baskets, an easy church (and parking) experience including the Hallelujah chorus, and lunch at a restaurant with no wait. Oh, and we had a floor picnic of BLTs and deviled eggs for supper. :)

What's been going on with you?

Thoughts, mostly on churchy things

I've started and stopped posts a few times over the course of this month, but never have gone back to finish them. (It turns out I may never write a blog post at home again, I guess. I keep waiting for inspiration to strike in the evening hours, but... nothing. So Lent has meant a full abstinence from blogging, which wasn't the intent -- the intent was to use my work-time more productively.) But it's Monday morning and I never want to just gear up and get to work on Monday. I prefer to eeeeeeease myself into it with some online news reading, some Facebooking, and today, a little blog posting.

Yesterday I hiked up Kennesaw Mountain. All the way to the top, and all by myself. It was a pretty day, and I dropped AJ off at his First Communion workshop at church, and found myself with 2 hours to kill. The mountain is right around the corner so off I went. I had worn good shoes on purpose. The park was FULL of hikers and walkers and picnickers, and it was the perfect day. I am so glad I did it, even though my glutes wanted to kill me, and will probably want to kill me even more by tomorrow! I do love a good walk in the woods, though. It was a long workout AND a mental treat.

This week my manager is out of town, and since I'm the only other team member, I'm hoping things will be relatively quiet at work. (Ha, ha. Doubt it.) And then next week is AJ's Spring Break, for which I have Wed, Th, and Friday off. Hooray!

Of course, a chorister never has Holy Week off, and I'm not really looking forward to all of those committments. I've never made the DH or kids attend any Holy Week services, but I'm thinking this year they should all go to Holy Thursday Mass. They won't like that. I get so much pushback about going to Mass and especially when it's a non-Sunday event. I suppose that's normal for kids. I wish it were more fun for them. Speaking of fun at Mass, at AJ's workshop yesterday, the kids got to taste the bread and wine. You should have seen their faces! Haha! Most of them winced about the wine, but later AJ told me it was the bread that tasted the worst. Like paper, he said, and asked 20 minutes later if he could have some water to wash the taste out of his mouth. "You'll get used to it," I said.

When I was a new communicant (i.e., a kid), I remember I liked to go to different parishes and see what their bread tasted like. ;) I remember when we moved from Texas to Florida, it was a whole new kind of hosts and took a long time to get used to. I hope First Communion will be special for AJ but I'm not trying to push a lot of theology on him. I think part of the reason it works to have 1st Communion at this age, is that it's just simple. They don't need to understand everything about it yet, they just need to be open to it. It's hard to resist telling him all the things I think he should know, and I have let myself babble a few times when we've worked on the at-home lessons, about how it's a gift, and how Jesus wants to be with us, and how we all share in the meal together... and then I try to shut myself up.

It's sweet and somewhat satisfying to watch a child's faith take root in the traditional order, same as it was when I was young. It is also a comfort to send them to Catholic school (or CCD, I imagine, would feel equally comforting), because you know they're getting the catechesis that isn't so easy to just bring up at home in everyday conversation.

Two possibilities

Sometimes when I feel really moody/grouchy, like no one really likes me, and I'm feeling still fat from pregnancies 4 and 8 years ago, and I hate my neighbors, and I don't have the right clothes/shoes, and my kids are monsters, and I hate my job, and 'a day like this is not how my life was supposed to turn out' and and and... I start to wonder if it isn't the Devil himself, using his tools, despair and hatred, to bring me to his terrible dark side. I know that sounds WAY over the top, but what else can it be when those feelings are so far out of the realm of Truth? The Truth says that my life is blessed beyond measure. The Truth is that God loves me and has shown me that in numerous ways! Loving husband! Excellent children! Enough money. Enough food to eat! Plus Friends! Talents! How else, then, could I ever have such dark, awful feelings?

Of course, rational people don't normally talk about the Devil. (Even though rational people are allowed to talk about God.) I don't know. To say that Despair and Hatred are tools of the Devil makes an awful lot of sense to me.

But then, to write those feelings off as "not of myself," but of the Evil one, is much too easy. I get off scott-free if I blame him. Although I WOULD like to blame him. So then I think, well, I am weak. I have been sorely tempted to feel those things, and I have given in! I have wallowed, even. Nearing closer and closer to the dark side. (Ohhh, the Catholic conscience. Sheesh.)

So that's when I pray for strength to NOT BE TEMPTED. Or... for forgiveness. Is feeling depressed/moody/grouchy sinful? I don't know. I don't WANT that to be true, for me or for others who have much worse bouts of depression. It seems extreme. I am pretty sure there are some biochemicals involved, as well. But at least for me, sometimes, I think it is sinful. Giving in to Despair means rejecting Joy, and rejecting God and His love. (I guess... Gosh, could it get any worse? Feeling bad about feeling bad??)

On a smaller scale, it's part of what I'm working on this Lent. Fighting the dark side with a small LOL in brackets. Putting Good Thoughts out into the world and rejecting the mean ones, even just with my co-workers : There are some who drive me crazy. CRAZY. When I see them coming, my mind automatically goes "BLEH, there comes Crazy Suzy. SO annoying, I hate how XX she is." I don't say  mean things, mind you. I'm trying to fight that (hatred/despair) thought-response and instead think, "[record scratch] ...Crazy Suzy is a mom like me; she's trying her best today to get it all done." or "Crazy Suzy deserves for me to be kind to her."

-----

Other times when I'm moody, I realize I haven't exercised in several days and I could really use an endorphin boost. Because, truly, if there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that exercise helps balance my outlook, and if I don't get enough of it, that's when I get grouchy and stressed. (And mean! Watch out, husband; watch out, coworkers!)


It's hard to tell which of these two things it really is.

Whew. Scheduling.

I've been in a scheduling tizzy for 2 or 3 days since February is when you have to start planning Spring Break and summer camp activities, for the love. February! Thank goodness we had that extra day this year or I might not have managed it. I was bitten by the summer camp bug because a friend -- a real live friend, a school mom that I like and have even been to her house a couple of times and she to mine, so it's like, really real friends! ;)... mentioned that she was looking at Camp Sunshine and was anyone else interested in looking with her? So I jumped. Clicked right through to that Camp Sunshine website. I have been thinking that AJ, being 7 now, might be looking for a little more variety in his summertime schedule, rather than the same old, same old daycare "summercamp" he has now attended 3 times.

When I mentioned this to him, of course, he said, "But I'll be a SENIOR camper this year!" hahaha. Color me wrong, then, I guess he thinks that Senior daycare camp is a lot different from Junior daycare camp, which... I doubt it. But anyway...

So Camp Sunshine (not its real name) is about an hour away, has a good organization behind it, good outdoor adventuring and other values that it teaches, and has archery. The archery is what AJ is interested in. These are the things I learned in the 30 minutes I spent peeking at their website during work hours on Monday (Lent promises didn't include random web surfing!). And the cost seemed QUITE reasonable. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting, but less than $700 for a week sounds like a bargain to me, actually, for a sleepaway summercamp. No idea why, it isn't like I've done a lot of research.

My friend and I wanted to be sure that our boys get in on the same week, and in the same cabin, so we've been back and forth, meanwhile trying to convince the boys that they do really want to try it, and convince our husbands that the kids can handle it (both dads are a bit more hesitant than us moms, which I find sweet/odd)... and I've felt a little panicky about it.

But today, we decided on a week, and I got AJ registered and and my $100 deposit paid. Whew.

THEN at dinner, when KT was telling us about ballet, which she has on Thursdays, I remembered about her spring recital. Her very FIRST ballet recital.

DOOM.

If we go forward with the camp, AJ leaves on Sunday, June 3rd, and I was convinced that the recital was the same day. Seems logical, a kids' recital on a Sunday afternoon. I was absolutely crestfallen, thinking we'd have to split up the duties, and I take AJ to camp since it was my idea (can't just let him ride with a friend for his FIRST TIME) while DH watched KT in her FIRST TIME on a stage, without me. OMG, can you imagine?? I mean, sure there's HD video but OMG. Not to mention sweet big brother, asking if we would please take video so he could watch the recital after he returned from [this new] camp [that Mommy seems really excited about but I'm still not quite sure...]. Heartbreak!

I guess I worried it enough to make it better, because after I came home from choir rehearsal I looked up my paperwork for ballet, and the recital is actually on Saturday, June 2, THANK THE LORD ABOVE.

Really, having panic attacks about my JUNE schedule right now?! A little much. (Not to even mention the fact that I think my baby is old enough to go away to sleepaway camp for a week... don't I? Isn't he? Eek.)