Birthday wishes

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. I thought of some wishes for my next year. I don't know if they're hokey; they probably are. I'll tell you anyway.

1. I wish to not hurt so much when I wake up! This sounds pathetic, but OH, MAN, do you guys just HURT in the mornings when you wake up? I do. My calves wake up sore like I've been working out without stretching, but I haven't been. My neck is just constantly tight. Is this just a getting older joint-thing that we can't alleviate? Or could drinking more water, eating better, taking the dreaded fish oil and whatever else, throwing out all my high heels, getting crazy like a vegan, or doing yoga every day reverse this horrible side effect? Do I need a new mattress? I don't know but I guess I'd like to experiment with several of these ideas -- like, get up at 5 am (haha) for a week or two for some serious yoga, or take a damn class like I want to do, and see if it helps. Because seriously, I am too young to feel this old. (I AM.) ....But please tell me you hurt, too, if you're over 37! It's mostly in the mornings, but also sometimes when I just get up from sitting, my legs hurt. WTF.

2. I wish I could figure out my career aspirations. What do I want? Most of all? And how can I get THAT, and also bring home the salary that I want and deserve? I mean, what I've learned in the last year is that what I want (what everyone wants) is contentment. So if it's simply being more grateful for my writing/desk job, and learning to let go of the corporate BS, and making peace with my cubicle, then fine, I wish to be more grateful. (And also for flextime that doesn't make me feel guilty.) And perhaps all of that will lead to more success/recognition/happiness within this job, which is a good job. But if it's finding whatever MORE could be out there for me -- if it's getting brave and looking into something riskier than I'm used to, for the reward of some free days in the summers or some interesting projects or new directions, then I wish to figure it out. Maybe it's freelancing. Writing a book (no). Finding a new company to write for. (I think it's writing; I think I've figured out that that is my marketable skill.) This is lofty and really scary, but with so much being written about Happiness, lately, it seems like I should get mine, too. I want to get in on the Happiness-as-a-business movement, to be honest. And before I turn 40 would be nicely timed. (I am so weary of reading the websites and expert opinions of basic 27-year-olds who say, "I was stuck in a dead-end cubicle job but then I [started this blog] and now I have one million followers and I live my life for me! Woo hoo! And now I'm going to teach YOU how to do the same! For a small fee." And yet, I WANT THAT. Is it our generation's snake oil? Surely it is. Or is it legitimate and where can I get some?) I WISH TO BE INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, that's what. ;)

3. I wish for my kids' and my husband's health, safety, growth and happiness. Same for my parents. And sister. And all of you nice people. And heck, me too. Let's all be happy.

7 Quick Takes: First week of summer

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I've done quick takes a lot (albeit sporadically) but I just found the HTML template today! Thank you, Jen!

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I'm having a love affair with chocolate. Perhaps this deserves a whole post on its own, but never have I been more IN NEED of daily chocolate doses. What's wrong with me? (It's not that.) (No, it's not that either.) I've just developed a habit, I guess, where after a meal I have my chocolate. At home, it's a Hershey's kiss dug out of the bottom of the giant Halloween/Easter bowl. We keep it in the cabinet for "dessert night" if the kids want candy. Today, I didn't have any at my desk, so after my trip to the bank, I whirled around the corner and ran into World Market where I picked up THREE big ol' 3-oz. bars. Here was my logic on getting three: If I had only gotten one, I'd have probably eaten the whole thing. With three, I KNEW I couldn't eat the whole amount so I'd likely behave myself. *cuckoo, cuckoo* I did behave - I only ate 3/4ths of a serving. NOM NOM ANTIOXIDANTS.

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KT -- ballet recital. She's improved a lot over the last year, I learned last night at the dress rehearsal. She actually does the moves, in time with the music. She also has stage presence. She was one of the only girls smiling in her group and believe me, it helps. She looked like a tiny professional up there. She gets that from me. ;) No, but seriously, I'm getting dangerously close to the Stage Mom arena: it's so fun to say "dress rehearsal," just like I used to have when I was a theater junkie. She wants to continue in ballet, so now I have to pick the MOST PERFECT studio for her future career as a prima ballerina. (Her current teacher comes to her daycare so I don't have to drive, but they do not come to the elementary schools. They have a studio but it's not conveniently located.)

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AJ -- 2 weeks of sleepaway camp starts Sunday! It only hit me today that he's going to be GONE. Away from his Mama's hugs. The weirdest thing is when he's not in his room at night. But I'm excited for him. I'm especially excited about the care packages and cards that I've already packed up, and will turn in when we drop him off so I don't have to mail anything. Only drawback is having to "invent" text for those cards -- I mean, it's mostly "Are you having fun?" and "I know you're having fun," but sometimes it doesn't feel natural unless you write "We're fine here at home -- just doing... normal home stuff." Heh.

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DH -- So good to me. We've been juggling drop-offs and pick-ups and dinners, and tonight he's doing the yardwork, and he's just so CONSISTENT with things. I chose well. That's the update on him. :) I mean, I could go on and on -- I schedule things and THEN check with him, and he's fine with it. I fail to clean bathrooms (particularly his/ours) and he doesn't yell at me. (HE'D BETTER NOT.) I dry his shirt all the way twice in a row when it's supposed to hang to dry, but he manages not to even roll his eyes or sigh, just takes the shirt and moves on with his life. (I guess... I hope he's not stewing about that one.) He always drives us. He lets me say I'm too tired to cook, let's go out, and he just GOES with it. Alright, I'll stop. He's great, though. You should know that.

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Reading! I've been reading! I finished Kingdom Keepers (meh), and then picked up a book I've had for years, since right after Girl with a Pearl Earring was so popular. It was The Lady and the Unicorn, also by Tracy Chevalier. LOVED it. Not quite as perfect as Pearl Earring, I didn't think, but CLOSE. So, since I was in the medieval mood I finally, finally downloaded Here Be Dragons to my Kindle and started it the other night. LL, I'm thinking of you!

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Swimming! We went, last Friday, and here is a very big announcement: I DID NOT EVEN GET IN THE WATER. There were plenty of kids at our gathering, particularly some 9 and 10-year-old girls who were happy to play babysitter to the two 5-year-olds which included KT, and therefore, I was FREEEEEEE! I had a BEVERAGE! AJ stayed on his noodle (darn the bottom of the pool! If he could JUST touch the bottom all my swimming anxiety would be solved) and KT had on her arm floaties. I WANT to get her out of her floaties, and I am going to TRY to get them in swim lessons somehow, this summer, but DANG if it didn't feel refreshing to say, "Okay, have fun in the pool!" and just look up every once in a while to make sure they were fine. (THEY WERE FINE!)

This summer's beach week might be especially sweet by the pool! Yeehaw! EXCEPT that none of my gal-pals will be there to enjoy it with me (ahem, MB, LM, and J.BEANS)!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Shoulder massage and school Masses

Stood up to stretch my back just now, and give myself a 20-second shoulder massage. Don't know why I have a bit of a headache -- maybe the glow of the fluorescents after several days of not having them buzz over me. Last Friday, I took the day off to hang out with AJ on my last day as his 3rd grade Room Mom. We had an ice cream party with the class and let them basically have recess for the majority of their half-day of school. Afterwards, the school had its last Mass of the year and I got to attend (probably my first of this year, which is too bad).

Those school Masses, man. They get me right in the heart. And this time, they were a humorous answer to a little prayer that I'd prayed several months ago when I was feeling bored with faith, as I think we all do from time to time. Months ago, I'd watched The [new] Muppets movie for the second (or maybe third) time, and I got weepy when they sang The Rainbow Connection, as well as the Opening Theme. Nostalgia, you know? It made my heart supremely happy that my kids were hearing some of the songs that were such a fixture in my childhood, I guess, and because my Mom was there, too... it feels stupid, but it was a really big emotional moment for some reason. So it made me crazy the Sunday after that, thinking that I get emotional about The Muppets, but not at Mass. ...Right? How can that be?! How ridiculous. Jesus is to the Muppets like.... well, like nothing, Jesus should be well MORE than the Muppets. And He is. But apparently my tear-ducts don't know it.

So anyway, I prayed at the time, and have since, to be moved somehow. To FEEL something about my faith. To get more from a Mass than I do from the [loveable] MUPPETS, for heaven's literal sake. And at this school Mass... these kids get so INTO it. They're lucky they have a music ministry that allows them to have praise and worship music (I mean the Contemporary Christian rock-band songs from the radio) during the Mass. And some of the songs have motions, where the kids raise their hands up when they sing, "Lord, I lift your name on high," or make a cross shape when they sing about the cross. East, West (point left, point right), you get the idea. So, two things: 1) I adore those songs already, and love seeing the kids singing them at the tops of their lungs; and 2) It made me giggle to think that our "Songprayers" and "Glory and Praise" hippie-dippy '70s music -- which also had motions [If I Were a Butterfly!!] -- was supposed to serve the same purpose for my generation of school-Mass-attending Catholic kids. Haha!

I felt EVERYTHING. I was happy, yet weepy at every "hymn." AJ knew it, too, but he didn't say anything to me. He knows his mother is a teary-eyed weirdo sometimes. I let my eyes leak regularly at his school. I love that they let parents sit with the class, with our own students, during school Masses. Because we're ALL a family of course, and we love to sing "You are Holy" (by Michael W. Smith, whom I've loved since I was 11 years old buying my first cassette tapes with a friend who was the deacon's daughter) and lift our arms up high and aaaaahhgghhhh!! I felt everything. I loved everything. I was full of joy and happiness. God does Answered Prayers really well sometimes. :)

After that we went swimming with friends, and then on our annual Memorial Day road trip, and it was all very good and the whole thing, this whole long weekend, has made me feel very grateful, and happy.

Angst

Feeling angsty about my y-o-b again. Similar angst to last summer, in that I'm feeling like I want out, I'm done -- but not for exactly the same reasons. This time there's a bit of fear behind it. We have new leadersh|p and I've heard s/he's (gender-non-specified for extra anonymity) a hatchett-man, and I'm feeling vulnerable. I guess I can't give all the details here but I can try to vaguely give some. For starters, I don't know how much backup I have, numbers-wise, for my position. There's one big, perennial project I am part of that typically gets the eyebrow-raise when budget time rolls around. The project is a huge money-suck, so I'm worried it will be axed right off the bat. That wouldn't be terrible, it's a huge pain in the ass, too. But it's probably 40% of my job (and the part I enjoy). The other part, I do well, but I don't know that I'm the most qualified person for it -- and new leadersh!p types sometimes bring in their own peeps, you know?

The good things are so good. Location, location, location. Salary. Vacation time I've built up. Location in relation to the kids' school. Leave work at work. Health benefits are good. Those are the reasons I have stayed.

I'm trying to figure out who can counsel me about this. I have a friend that I admire for her career success, and she's just close enough but not quite in my same field that I think she could intelligently comment. Problem is, she just lost her most recent job due to circumstances (not her work), and I don't think she knows that I know this. I'm not sure she'd want to advise anyone. I'm going to message her anyway, I think.

My brain tells me not to jump to any conclusions, and not to judge anyone, or let them ruin my day, with no evidence. My husband tells me the only four things that are important: Show up. Be honest. Do your best. Be unattached to the end result. I know that's truth, too. But the feelings I'm having are real, and are occupying a lot of my brain-space the last day or so.

Tiny accomplishments (me)

Aside from 2 graduations (KT's, and my cousin's), this weekend I:

• cleaned 2 of three toilets (lovely thought for your early morning reading!)
• folded up all my scarves and reorg'd their drawer which had become unbearable
• bought the kids a few summer t-shirts and shorts (I like the new JC Penney, do you?)
• rearranged furniture* in KT's room like she had requested (and in the process threw out a bunch of her old stuff - wooden puzzles, old books, junk from under the bed oh em gee)
• did* 3 loads of laundry
• baked banana bread, finally 
• filed stuff (paid bills, pay stubs, etc.) in the filing cabinet

The weather was helpful, since it rained all day Sunday. After Mass (and donuts) I just parked myself in the house and planned to get stuff done.

It felt really good. Partly to get things accomlished and have a clean house, but also just the act of doing it. Being in the moment - I love the word "homecaring." Just putting your mind to the task of making the place you live more loveable (and having the time to do it gently). I don't know. Maybe it was because the kids left me alone! Ha. They were playing all day with their Build-a-Bears. Teddy bears' picnics and stuff. (uh... stuff like tossing bears off the upstairs landing and thinking that was hilarious.)

Maybe now that everything's clean (DH cleaned the other bathroom, dusted, and vacuumed while I was doing my stuff), we can start taping off and getting read to paint.


*DH did the heavy lifting, and some folding...Thank you, DH!

All grown up

I'm walking a line today where on one side, I want to post all kinds of pictures of my KT baby, who is graduating from pre-K tonight at the very grown-up time of 7:00 p.m., and on the other side, for a variety of reasons, I don't want to post any more pictures of my kids on the Internet.
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I can't resist.

She has been SO excited about today, and tonight. They're really talking it up at her school, practicing their songs and poems, and it's different because it's been scheduled at a different venue -- a local elementary school with a "really big stage," according to her -- so it feels much more significant than usual. And it is.

In my final conference with her teacher, KT got all superior marks. I was told that she listens, makes good choices, loves to learn, loves doing new things, and even helps other kids. It's not that I don't believe the teacher... it's just that the teacher has never been to our home and seen the other version of my girl! The baby-of-the-family, always-gets-her-way (or thinks she should), whiny, contrary girl. Oh, I exaggerate -- she isn't like that ALL the time at home. But she is LIKE THAT. I know it's all my own doing. I can't help spoiling her sometimes. I laughed and said something along those lines to the teacher, and then she taught ME something. She said, "Well, in reality, what we're doing with them here [a structured curriculum, Kindergarten level, basically] is probably past appropriate for their age -- they should just be running around! So I would be more worried if you told me she doesn't act out at home."

Hunh. I didn't think of it that way. She holds it together and does so many big-kid things all day long -- 7:30 to 5:00, although a good portion of that is play and 2 hours of it is naptime -- that it's only natural she'd need to let loose at home. I mean, I've always known that about toddler tantrums, but she's not a toddler anymore. She comes across as defiant and demanding, and uninterested in listening, at home. Not just tired and whiny.

And I know I'll need to keep it in mind this summer, when her naptime is ceased for good and always. She never naps on the weekend, so I know she can probably handle it, but I was always so relieved to know she still took naps Monday thru Friday (and she, unlike a lot of her classmates, fell asleep most times).

being silly with Papa Joe

Anyway, this little spitfire is graduating from Pre-K, moving on to a new school that we've been anticipating now for 4 years, and it's a big deal. The one thing she wants is a trip to Build-a-Bear Workshop, so I'm taking her there tomorrow morning to celebrate this first big life achievement. I'm so excited to see what's next.

KT baby she will forever be, but she is becoming a real-live young lady, right before my very eyes.

Happy Friday! Some thoughts (7QT)

1. One thing I like to do is cut my fingernails short, and then paint them. Don't know why I like the look of short, painted nails better than long ones, but I do. Long ones seem... bitchier, maybe? I particularly enjoy painting them at the office. It feels illicit, and luxurious. Here's the color I'm painting today (I "borrowed" it (without asking) from KT's stash of One THOUSAND tiny nail polishes).

Orange for spring!

2. I used to be so much better at this blogging thing. I revisit old posts -- today I wanted to find out when, exactly, AJ started reading, so I was exploring January 2009) -- and I think, I was funny. I could string sentences together in a humorous, somewhat entertaining way! And people were coming here to read what I said. Hunh. I feel like I have lost some of that ability. And I know I've lost the greater ability to write anything meaningful. I used to do that. I got jealous reading some of Britt's insights yesterday. I wish I had written them. It's fine; suppose I'll just continue to write pithy things. ;) The difference is, I guess, she has a theme and a purpose, and I'm just here doing my thing, for me.

3. Actually, what it is, is, I'm saving my good stuff for the PAID writing I must do. Yesterday I knocked out two big assignments -- a letter from the Editor (me) for our magazine, and an article about one of our products -- that had been on my list all week. OHHH, I did not want to write those two things. But there were hard deadlines, and I had to. I broke out the pencil and paper for some good old-fashioned brainstorming (hate doing it in a group, don't mind so much scratching it out myself on scrap paper), and Wrote Those Suckers. Even got some virtual high-fives on them from the higher-ups. It felt good to get them done BEFORE Friday, and once again I was reminded to be grateful that I have a job where my actual skills are being used. Sometimes it's even fun, to write good things. It's a rare blessing that a lot of people who work do not have.

4. Random something that's kinda neat: An Oklahoma church unearthed a time capsule from 1913. My favorite things were the ones addressed to "Our friends in 2013."

5. I've been working on the way I see the world, lately -- I know that sounds kind-of big and dramatic. I had noticed, sadly, that I just had this general dislike of other people. You know, like, other drivers for example. It's easy to scowl at and sort-of hate the driver who cuts you off. And we all have people in our lives who are kind-of weird, and we just roll our eyes about them and allow our surface impression to simmer and grow. Which turns into dislike. So, well, I wanted to stop doing this. It actually happened by accident: I was in church one morning and I saw, in a front-row pew, this very rich family (who are always so nice, but) who live in a giant, gorgeous house which I used to grouse about every time I drove by it. And when I looked their way, I only saw that I LIKE them. I actually felt like I LOVED them. Loved that they're part of my community, anyway. (And they're nice. Why should I care about their house?) And then I saw another family I know, and I love them, too, for who they are as relates to my family. They're weird, sure. But that's who they are. Looking around, then, I started being able to love all the different people there, in different ways. The super-most-annoying lady became "Quirky Sue," in my mind, instead. I mean, accept it, right? It's not going to change. Just love her for who she is. Last night it happened at choir practice -- I felt such love for all the good, odd, annoying, sweet, dedicated people singing next to me and behind me. :) It's hard to explain. I'm trying to carry this feeling to the workplace (and other drivers!), because that's where I get a large majority of scowly feelings toward people. It's hard work (is that okay?), but I like it. Did anyone ever read that horrible book, the Celestine Prophecy? I did, and hated it, but the concept of seeing an "energy" or "light" coming from each person (hooey, in the book) is feeling real to me in this context.

6. What are we reading? I am trying like heck (in ten-minute increments) to finish Kingdom Keepers 1. AJ is loving this series -- he loves ALL the mystery/adventures series -- and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It's fun, but I don't want/need to read any more after this one. It's great for a kid like him, who's been lucky enough to go to Disneyworld enough that he remembers where rides and attractions are, because it takes place there. If you had never been to Disney, I'm not sure it would be as interesting. I'd like to read a grown-up book next, and I have a long list.

7. I'm going to miss singing this anthem with the choir on Memorial Day weekend, and I'm sad because I adore it. So fun to sing. It starts kind-of slow but gets really good around 2:20, and the Alleluias are just awesome. Best with eyes closed. :)

Househousehouse... and gratitude

Writing here is very often a way for me to blow out the nighttime cobwebs and get my brain started. I like to do it, to allow myself room to do it, even though I have a PILE of assignments from work and everyone on my team seems grouchy and stressed. I’m not particularly stressed; maybe I should be. Or maybe I shouldn’t! Take that.

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Mom and Dad were here from last Thursday evening through the weekend, for the annual Grandparents’ Day at AJ’s school. We had a nice time together. Ate lots of good food – including a  new-to-us BBQ restaurant and a new recipe, the Asian brown rice one from this post, that the adults all liked. We had to spend a good amount of time watching movies and just hanging out at the kitchen table, because it poured rain for nearly four days straight, and was cold outside. What is WITH this weather, man? But it was fine because one of the things I like best about spending time with my parents is hanging out at the kitchen table. My house, their house, even our beach condo – this is the stuff good visits are made of.

But the one thing this trip made me think about most was, greedily I guess, having a new house someday that isn’t so creaky and/or non-soundproof; that doesn’t require that they climb stairs; that has a little more space to put stuff and for the kids to play; and that doesn’t require the kids to couple-up in sleeping bags. I’ve said before that it’s FINE for now – the kids like having sleeping bag parties in KT’s room, and it’s so sweet the way she likes having her big brother in there with her (they even hold hands before falling asleep). I don’t want my parents (or DH’s) to feel in any way BAD for coming to visit!! (You’re not allowed to feel bad, Mom, and: Keep visiting!) But there will come a point when it won’t fly anymore. I mean, I suppose we could give Mom and Dad our room, and DH and I could sleep just fine on the couches downstairs, and each kid could keep his or her room… but one little guest room would fix it

Of course, I’m not really expecting to find a ranch-style home. Almost none of the types of neighborhoods I like include ranch-style, and I’d only be willing to buy an older ranch-style house if it was very nicely updated. Or very cheap. I’m assuming all I’ll find is master-on-main options, which I guess would mean Mom and Dad would be offered the master. Which is fine with me, though not ideal. 

So I need to (same refrain) get busy painting and fixing up our house so we can SELL IT. Grey has been determined as an acceptable, trendy-yet-neutral paint color for the master bath. I want to pick WHICH grey, now. And we already have paint for baseboards.  

Yesterday KT and I visited the ENT where her ears were cleared with a teeny-tiny vacuum. She yelled and screamed but maybe not quite as much as last time. Bless her heart. Ice cream was offered out of guilt for making her suffer through that. (And maybe a new book, too [Pete the Cat and his Groovy Buttons!]) She said later that everything was louder. No more “stupid ear.”

AJ is into origami lately. He has several books, particularly likes the “Origami Yoda” series, and even likes to DRAW the origami Yoda figures. He also folds his cloth napkins while we eat dinner. Drives me a little insane. He’s gained a little bit of weight, I think – the other night the scale gave him a 47. It was right after dinner so it might not have been accurate, but I’ll take it. The news has been full of stories of kids suffering lately; DH and I have decided that if he’s short his whole life, we’re grateful and we’ll take it.

Piano

I've been playing the piano again, a little bit. It feels calming and restorative to me. I'm terrible! I stumble over the notes and the rhythms start and stop and speed up and then slow again. It's like a fourth grader who's never had lessons! But I like to think I could get better if I keep practicing.

I started playing the piano when I was five. Thank you, Mom and Dad. I enjoyed it and was fairly good for a five-year-old, and then for a 6, 7, 8, 9, 10-year old. I had a good teacher. During middle school and the beginning of high school, I had an even better teacher. He had studied at an actual conservatory and liked to talk about that fact. He also liked to think that I was a better pianist than I was. He wanted a "star" pupil, and my sister and I stood in that role a little bit, I think. We played Chopin nocturnes and Beethoven sonatas, and even Rachmaninoff (how I hated Rachmaninoff), and we played in a few competitions and won medals once or twice.

And we -- or specifically, I -- got burned out. Same way I had with tennis a few years before that. I can't remember what year it was, but at age 15 or 17, I decided I couldn't take the weekly lessons anymore, and really didn't have time, with school, cheerleading, community theater and being a teenager, to practice for hours a day. Not even one hour a day. I know it broke my Mom's heart in some ways. It was sad to let it go, but a relief. I've justified it to myself because since then, I've spent much more time singing than playing, and piano was, of course, the perfect foundation for a musician. I took voice lessons, too, and I think I'm more talented vocally than my fingers ever were. (Although, when people comment about how fast I type -- and I love to type -- I often credit ten years of playing the piano.) I have loved being part of choirs, and music performance is definitely part of who I am.

Anyway, a few years ago DH bought me an electric piano. Our house doesn't really have space to  accommodate a real one, but the electric one fits well with our still-not-totally-mature interior design style.  We got it with the kids in mind. Maybe they'll take lessons one day soon? I haven't played it nearly as much as I've wanted to -- and believe me, I've wanted to. Life gets in the way, you know?

But right now I'm coming back to it. I've found a book in my old things that has sonatinas and gavottes in just about the right difficulty level, and because of the years of singing, I'm a much better music reader than I ever was as a teenager.

I'm having fun. I try to sit down during KT's baths. It's just ten minutes, usually, before she needs my attention for something. You do sort-of have to lose yourself in playing/practicing to get good, and there's hardly ever time for that. I'd like to try to make some time.

I have this desire to someday be able to play well again -- to accompany the choir for rehearsals, if needed, or pick up a book and play Christmas songs if anyone wants to sing with me. Oh, and this weekend while standing near the organ during Mass, I really got to thinking how FUN it would be to play THAT instrument! It's silly in a way.

On the other hand, it's a part of me that's been missing. Like I said, it's a stress-reliever now (ironic how it used to cause me stress). I was wondering recently, what would be something FUN to work at every day? And I thought, playing the piano would be fun work. So. I'm not changing careers or anything (I wish!), but I'm going to play.

Good stuff right now

Let's do something else. Let's get poor AJ's poor choice down, away from top billing on this page. :)

Here are some ways life is really good right now:

1. Our spring annuals are planted and pretty! I know YOU don't care, but this might be the earliest we've gotten it done in years. And we replaced a few plants (bushes) that had died and been dug up last year, so it feels significant. I am checking it off our Home-Beautifying-Before-Sale list, and that feels good because it was a "would be nice to have" item, but now it's done!

2. The kids are playing outside. All the time! With the hundred or so kids that seem to gather in ours and neighbors' yard every day. (Ok, it's just fifteen, not a hundred.) There is even a little girl KT's age. Hallelujah. I know she was having a hard time before this new little girl, we'll call her Abby, showed up. Now she LIVES for the doorbell to ring in hopes that it's Abby. Super cute.

3. I am back IN the dinner-menu zone. I go through phases, you know, where I can't think of anything good to make. In the last couple of weeks, though, I've tried some new things that were successful, and Monday night I went back to one of our family's Old Standbys, and it was well received -- pork chops with Hot & Spicy Shake-N-Bake, field peas with white rice, and Crescent rolls. I know it's not very original but it had been a long time since we'd had it -- I love rediscovering old gems like that. Here are some things I want to try next (for the adults, of course. The kids would never eat these!):

Shrimp, cilantro, avocado w/brown rice. Source: womenshealthmag.com via me on Pinterest

Spinach, garlic, lemon pasta. Source: weekofmenus.blogspot.com via me on Pinterest

Black Bean Spinach enchiladas. Source: thegardengrazer.com via me on Pinterest

4. Besides that, I seem to be on a roll with getting some exercise (at minimum 10 minutes a day but I'm aiming for 20). Most days it's just a quick walk outside around my office building, but the weather's been nice enough that it's really a mental boost, too. Score. I've been working on lowering my calories-in, too, with some success, and have lost a pound or two. It's kind-of lame to always, for years, be trying to lose 10 pounds. (Baby weight! Haha! What? I had babies once.) I'd like to be finished with it. On the other hand, I guess it's better to be working at it, mindful of what I'm eating all the time, rather than not caring. (I go through plenty of "not caring" phases, too. Just not right now.)

5. We rescued all of AJ's baby photos and videos from my dead iMac. I haven't yet gone through them all to sort and save, but they're safe.

Just a few little things. But they're making me happy, happy.

Two funny things for the record-book (blog)

I picked KT up at pre-K on Tuesday, and she was eager to show me a two-sided art masterpiece (!) that she had made. "KT," said her teacher, "What is the word, again?"

"Met-a-mor-pho-sis!" she proudly answered. Pronounced perfectly, which I know is why the teacher asked her in front of me.

"Wow, KT, that's a big word!" I marveled. Then she showed me her artwork.

"Look, Mommy, this is the butterfly, and here's my flower, and the sun, and this is the caller-pitter!"

(Please stay little forever!)

* * * * * * * *

This 2nd story's not quite so charming, although I look forward to the day in the future, when he's 30, and we can look back and really get a good laugh over it.

AJ got in his first real big trouble at school yesterday, for writing something on a classroom bookshelf, in red pen. He and another kid worked together, but he admitted it was his idea. And what words, pray tell, did he feel the need to inscribe on school property?

FART HOUSE.

(Please grow up as soon as possible.)



He got in trouble at home, too -- 2 weeks of no video/computer games, no sleepovers, no new books or toys, and we made him write apology letters to the school and his teacher. He cried. I'm betting that's the last time it happens and I was glad of the teachable moment -- and to have the time to think it through before I saw him. All in all it's a pretty typical rite of boyhood -- and parenting -- passage, I guess, and I'm proud of him for getting through it. He'll live. He'll be smarter now. I can't wait to remind him of it many times in his adulthood. ;)

On Starting a Week

My earbuds are in place with calm.com feeding me a lovely ocean breeze, and rhythmic waves on the shore. I wish I were actually there! But I'm not, I'm at my desk on a Monday morning, trying very hard to stay positive. This is just a workday -- not terrible, not depressing. It's a leaf falling or a bird flying by -- I can't control it and shouldn't worry about it, but I can control my response to it (or not respond at all).

Behind me there's a meeting going on, with its door open. Slight lack of courtesy has my heartrate up a little. A few minutes ago there was a phone call happening in another office behind me; the door was closed, but the occupant was still loud enough for me to be distracted by her. I feel sorry for her, having to have loud/stressful conversations on a Monday morning.

I am glad I don't, and glad for earbuds.

I have a cold, 32-oz water bottle with a purple straw and a green lime. I can only drink water with lime/lemon if it has ice.

I'm typing on a new-to-me laptop. It's nice that it responds so quickly when I double-click. My old laptop, last week, was super annoying and slow. This new one also has unfamiliar keyboard sounds. The clicks seem different. It's distracting, too, but in a good way.

Right now, I'm putting off a project that's blinking at me from my calendar. It's a Powerpoint presentation -- one that I'm writing for someone else -- and it feels like too much of a challenge at this moment. I know that -- I'm hoping by writing this it will become true -- I know that I will take it one slide at a time (ugh, slides!) and that my draft will be fine. I'll get feedback, and probably get offended at some of the feedback, but I'll make the changes and the person who needs to put her stamp on it will have done so, and I'll be finished with it. (Until the next one.) But right now all of that seems very far away.

The deadline is EOB Tuesday. I didn't know what "EOB" meant, several years ago. COB. EOD. Whatever you call "end of the day" in your line of work.

Right now it is 10:12 a.m. and time to get started.

    I decided to try "Just Writing" again today. Also, I'm looking for new, interesting reads there.
You can, too, just click the image!

Quick Update

Just reading my own blog, and thought I'd update you lovely people on the school-bullying (tickling) situation.

According to AJ, it hasn't happened in a good while. We now ask every day if anyone bothered him. I won't stop asking. He may stop telling the truth -- we've had it happen where, I'll ask him right after school and he's bright and sunny, and says nothing happened, but later in his room, with Daddy, he reports the opposite after further investigation. I'm glad he'll tell one of us, and I'm glad when DH presses the issue.

There is another mom, with whom I am close, who calls me when HER son reports any misbeahvior, on AJ's behalf. I love her kid. He, too, has been the victim of a few of the rough kids. She has also had Important Meetings with the teacher. I am glad that her son and mine are good buddies (they go to summer camp together). They stick up for each other although they're both little dudes. I wish, too, sherry, that AJ could befriend a big, hulking kid.

It seems like things have died down overall, for which I'm grateful.

Hurling insults

Poor KT baby. I called the doctor yesterday, kind-of on a whim, just wanting to see if something she'd been telling me merited a visit.

Well, it did. She's been tugging at her left ear, causing it to "pop" audibly, for about 4 weeks now, sometimes telling me she can't hear, sometimes saying it hurt, most times calling it her "Stupid ear." Heh. So the doc wanted to see her.

You can guess that they found blockage and build-up, and so they began the process of softening and removing it. Here is just a sampling of the things she yelled at me, and at them, during the two-hour visit this morning. Note: This sounds really bad but it was mostly funny. I mean, I feel bad that I haven't taught her to use curse words, because I know in her heart, curse words were what she meant. It was hard not to giggle. ;)

• I hate this place! These doctors are so mean to kids! 
• It HUUUUUUURTS!!
• I am so mad at you for bringing me here!
• Do NOT let them open that door AGAIN! They can NOT come back in here!
• No you are NOT going to hold me! No, I won't.
• You are so MEAN!
• OH. MY. GOSH, this is TERRIBLE.

I get that maybe the medicine they used was stinging a little. But you'd have thought they were ripping her arms off, the way she carried on. The very definition of crocodile tears. And scrambling to get away from the nurses, rolling up the paper table cover in the process.... fun times, fun times. 

They didn't quite accomplish their goal, so we get to go back in two weeks. I can hardly wait! Uh.

Return

When I get most stressed out, what I always want to do is come to a blank page and just let my fingers go. Just get it all out. Type type type, so fast I don't even care about the grammar. (Except that I do, I always edit as I go, instead of truly doing a free-form, let my fingers go, stream of consciousness exercise).

It's a shame, I've been telling everyone, that the economy today means that companies are all short-staffed, and in positions like mine that aren't the real "drone" positions -- not data entry or widget-producing jobs -- you are basically penalized for taking a vacation. There's no team, anymore, just you, doing your particular function. And if you aren't there to do it, no one else is going to do it for you. So you return from your vacation and, even though you prepared for the time off and finished what needed to be finished beforehand, you're "welcomed" back with a load, a pile, a ton of work that's been waiting for you.

At least that's how it is in my job.

I was off from Good Friday to Easter Wednesday (hee), and came back to two yucky, heart-pounding days. Tasks that HAD to get done. No time to ease back into it. I mean, it's not terrible, it's not life or death, it's just hard to go from extreme to extreme like that. I prefer the days off.

The home repairs got done. We are now overly bathed in new light, from the 6 can-lights in the cooking area of the kitchen, to the new chandelier that doesn't work with our old dimmer switch. It's either ON, and I do mean ON, or off. There ain't no in-between. (As they say.) My kids had become accustomed to my gently switching on our old dimmer while they ate their weekday breakfasts in the 6:00 hour, but no more. Now it's MORNING!! GOOD MORNING! YOU ARE HAVING PANCAKES!

On Monday, the kids and I hiked up the mountain. Fitness goal for March, accomplished. One day after March, but still. They were troopers, and so was I, come to think of it. I didn't even get very sore the next day. Go me!

Yesterday we -- all four of us -- spent the day in Chattanooga, doing every touristy thing they offer. Well, almost every. We dragged the kids up there Tuesday night so they could have the fun of sleeping in a hotel, and I think they DID think it was fun. Maybe it was excessive and unnecessary -- the drive up there is less than 2 hours from our house -- but I got a kick out of them thinking everything in the hotel was SO COOL. "Mommy! There's a RESTAURANT!" "OH, cool, which bed am I sleeping in??" "Look at this KLEENEX on the side of the counter!?" Kids, man. They're the best for perspective. The trip was perfect as far as I was concerned. See Rock City. (Really, do see it. It's awesome.) I know it sounds cheesy but I just love the idea of AJ and KT remembering that trip when they're older, and when they have kids of their own.

They were also very well-behaved and made it fun for us. At one point, DH was saying something and I replied, "Daddy is being silly." AJ leaned over and in perfect theater-whisper, said to me, "Get used to it." It was spot-on. It had nothing to do with the trip, just with the fact that they're getting old enough to start turning into fun people. That sorta makes my heart want to burst.

This weekend we are joining in our neighborhood's yard sale. We didn't know about it until just recently but we've been about to hop-to, since we've been, ah, preparing for (read: procrastinating) our own yard sale for more than a year. Actually we're grateful for the kick in the pants. And for our co-workers who've lent us some card tables to put everything on. No one buys it if it's on the ground, people. I'm going to make as Pinterest-y a mailbox sign as I can make in the next 12 hours, that will say "SHOP HERE!" and have a few swirlies and flowers, and hope it attracts people more than boring ol' "yard sale." Perhaps KT can help me add some glitter.

And then, to come full circle, I'm glad it's the weekend again. I hope I'll feel more refreshed and able to conduct my weekday stuff the way I like, instead of "hurry-hurry-hurry-you've been away too long," next week.

Projects

Guess what's happening in my house right now? Repairs/remodeling, that's what! Yesterday they installed new lighting in the kitchen. So instead of the stupid ugly square flourescent, we now have 6 lovely recessed lights that make it so a person can actually SEE things in there! It's pretty amahzing. Today they're finishing up that ceiling, mudding and painting, and fixing the one in the master bedroom, as well. It's taking longer than I expected it would (and longer than they estimated). So I'm kind-of stuck here. With the kids, of course. I have today off and scheduled the work this week because the kids have the day off. But because the 2 rooms with TVs in them are the ones being worked on, we've been very confined to other spaces. Well, and outside. They're playing with the neighbors outside now, who got home from school an hour ago. (One of the weirdnesses of attending private school is that you might have different schedules and breaks than the neighbors. Which we do! Our Spring Break is next week and theirs is the week after.) Anyway, I'm starting to get bored and I'm quite tired of KT being whiny.

But otherwise, I'm excited about the whole project. It means that maybe we'll move ahead to the "consider putting it on the market" phase. Maybe. Someday. Probably not this spring. Maybe late summer. Or next spring. Who knows. We still have at least 2 rooms that must be painted and, let me see... 2 more that could stand to be painted. And a good majority of the baseboards and trim. And possibly that bannister I talked about at first. So that's a lot of additional work.

Right at the moment I'm glad I have the day off and I am sure I should try to get some work of my own done. I could work on the taxes (and in fact that is what I will do after finishing this blog post), or I guess I could start taping off at least one hallway, for trim-painting. We bought the paint and it already smells like paint fumes so it'd be a good time to do that.

But I'm just not feeling like DOING anything, honestly. I'm trying to let myself be OK with that. Regular days, we do so much. All of us, I mean. Humans. Parents in the year 2013. We never just have a day where we can eat lunch outside, lay down on the grass for a while, sit on the couch, take a little nap, watch Karate Kid on Netflix on the laptop.... and I've done all those things today. I washed and folded some towels, too (though not the shoes my DH asked me to throw in with those towels - I forgot), so I feel like I've accomplished plenty, for my day off. Take a Day Off, I say. Just revel in the kindness of doing nothing.

7 Quick Takes: A little less ranty, a little more yummy

Sorry about below. Got a little fired up.

But Lent is nearly over and it's time to start celebrating! Yes, the joy of the risen Lord, but also, the fact that meatless Fridays are almost over! I'm a wimp, what can I say? Actually, that's not true -- I love meatless meals, but my family gets grumbly about them. So I'll be glad when I can just spring the meatless meals on them, on my OWN schedule.

Here are seven meatless meals we've had this Lent:

1. Breakfast for dinner. Our old standby. It's always fun to have Belgian waffles, even if you can't have bacon to go with them. And scrambled-egg burritos? Mine and DH's favorite. Mmmm.

2. IHOP. More of the same! My parents came up to visit during the first weekend of Lent, and we always like to go out to eat when they're here (although I will say that more often than we used to, we've cooked for them at home with great success). So we hit up IHOP on a Friday night and guess what... there was NO WAIT. We might have been the only customers. Again, too bad about the bacon, but we were counting Weight Watchers points, anyway. ;) Spinach omelet, anyone?

3. Frozen fried seafood. Sorry, food purists, but we like our fish sticks and our popcorn shrimp (new this year! KT lurrrvhs it) and our Kraft mac-n-cheese on the side.

4. Tuna Casserole. Egg noodles. Cream of Chicken. Can of tuna. Cheddar. Ritz. BOOM.

5. While not a Lenten dinner-menu item, I made these last week and WOW, were they good! Even the DH liked them! Black-bean and sweet potato burritos. I had never heard of such a combination but they are creamy, without being messy at all, and don't even need any additional salsa! WHAT? I know. Try them.

6. Good old Cheese Pizza from Papa John's. That might be what we're having tonight, in fact.

7. Our expensive pasta dinner. (Although you could, of course, do a muuuuuuch less expensive version at home. My version would be shrimp, noodles, garlic, parmsean. Even better with some sun-dried tomatoes.)

Only one more meatless Friday after today! Hooray!Visit conversiondiary.com for all the quick takes posts... as you already know.

PLEASE PRAY FOR AN END TO GUN VIOLENCE

I'm sorry to even share this, and I don't usually get on a soapbox, but  it makes me so ANGRY, and so FEARFUL and SAD for our country and for the whole world if these are the kind of people in it.

The story says that the suspects are believed to be between 10 and 15 years old.

I can't take this kind of story any more. What is WRONG with people??? Why does a [expletive] TEN YEAR OLD have access to a gun? When did it become a thought process for a ten-year-old to put a gun in a woman's face because he wants some money, and then just up and kill the baby in her stroller?? How does a kid know how to pull the damn trigger and not consider what's about to happen?? I don't know who to blame, I don't know what to do, I want to throttle whoever is in charge of the care of this 10-year old and this 15-year old, I am certain that the Devil is on the prowl and laughing about another innocent child dead, and I am so sad. So sad for that mom and dad whose stroller -- STROLLER -- is stained with blood.

We need a SERIOUS, SERIOUS prayer chain about this. We need to say the St. Michael the Archangel prayer ALL THE TIME.

KIDS SHOULD NOT HAVE GUNS.

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

A Friday night in Lent

On Friday nights, I never feel like cooking. Or, I might feel like cooking but I'll have used up all the available entree choices by that late in the week. DH has come to accept this and probably sets his watch by my text or phone call at 5:30 pm, saying, "So.... I don't have much in the fridge tonight... do you want to go somewhere?"

Sometimes we let the kids dictate suggest a restaurant, which usually ends up with someone wailing that they don't LIIIIIIIKE that place. But this past Friday I decided what I wanted and didn't give anyone a chance to disagree. We could have gone to the church, where they were doing their fish-fry, but I chose the Italian place near our house, Vincent's, instead.  

I had the most delicious sacrificial garlic pasta, man. With shrimp. Austerity! (The joke in my family is "sacrificial (seafood) gumbo." Because it's so TERRIBLE to have to eat seafood gumbo! Wink. Catholicism is fun.)

First I must tell you that I had had a harrowing day at my office, where "harrowing" just means that I was in a blood-pressure-raising meeting from 10:30 to 12:30, and it took my heart another 2 hours to settle down after that. I don't often have physical reactions to work in that way, but because my computer was also acting up, and I had a huge to-do list that, therefore, I couldn't DO.... my whole day was jacked.

Man, I'm feeling my panic rise just remembering last Friday. Ugh. ...Deep breaths....

Anyway, I had poured the last of our red wine into a glass and kind-of downed it before we left for Vincent's. Didn't want it to go to waste, you know, and I needed it! Then I deserved another glass once we got there, of course, to enjoy with my husband. The kids were quite agreeable, and they ordered actual food -- i.e., not chicken nuggets, because they couldn't, but they were okay with that! -- and ate it, and didn't make me take them to the restroom the minute my food arrived (KT has a knack), and we toasted the new Pope, and even (get this):

Got a compliment from the diners sitting next to us, that our kids were so lovely and well behaved. !!!!

It was a pleasant time, is what I'm saying. The wine and the compliment rendered me almost giddy. It's pretty sweet when kids get old enough to go to a nice Italian place during Lent! Or anytime! Even though the meal and the shrimp ($1 each!) and the wine and a generous tip ended up costing us nearly $100. 

Of course, I had to face the consequences later: Pasta plus lots of wine (where 2 glasses = "lots") made it rather difficult to stay awake while KT read me her new Pete the Cat book on my bed. Luckily, she doesn't need my help as much as she used to. :) She finished the story and I'm pretty sure she had to wake me so I could put her into her bed.

Eat MOAR food

He gained 1 pound in 4 months, and grew .75 inches. The doctor was disappointed in the weight gain, although he DID gain which is a positive -- and she was glad of the height gain. Average, she said, is only 5/8 inches change, so he grew more than average.

She talked to us again about eating more, and more calorie-dense things. Adding egg to plain pasta, for example, and to milkshakes. I think I said before that it's hard for me to add the typical weight-gain things to his diet, because he doesn't LIKE creamy sauces, cheese, eggs, avocado or mayonnaise. But the doctor countered with, "Feed him what he LIKES." I feel like I have been doing that, and that he HAS been eating more. But we have to go one step further. She also told us, "more snacks." Oreos and Goldfish, she said. Carbs, carbs, carbs. Sausage with breakfast. NOT fruit. It's entirely backwards from everything else you read, everywhere, about how to feed kids healthily.

This morning he had a waffle with peanut butter and syrup. He knows HE has to do some of this work and just EAT MORE. One thing we've told him is that he needs to eat faster (stop chattering and eat!), so he can get more food down before his brain figures out that it's full. It seems a shame to tell a kid not to talk so much at the dinner table. :( That will be a difficult healthy-medium to find. But again, it's a complete mindshift from everything I know -- I, myself, have been trying to learn to slow down to get those "I'm full" clues.

Today I put fruit juice in his water bottle (in his school, all the kids are supposed have water for their snacktime). Rebel! But it's got calories, and calories are what we need.

So we have more work to do. After this tooth falls out, more taco nights. More hamburgers. Not that I mind! (Anything to avoid daily hormone shots for years and years, if we can avoid that.)