Various stuff, with a KT fashion moment

The kids are away again, this time at DH's parents' house. I know they're having fun - visiting their baby cousin, going to Game Stop where their Gam will indulge them, eating lots of bacon (she, to her credit, always has bacon). ;)

Before they left, KT put together a somewhat noteworthy outfit:

C'mon, who doesn't take pictures outside the daycare?

That's a pink Atlanta Falcons jersey (slightly too small), white bike shorts with little sunglasses all over them, and Crocs-tennies with no socks. I am pretty sure she had blue and green underwear under the white shorts, just to make a statement. I shake my head sometimes. But I let her do it -- we're on the 8-day countdown until Catholic School Uniforms for 9 years, so this is her last chance for daily personality through her clothing.

Speaking of that: I thought I would be more sad that we're nearing the very last days at our daycare. I mean, we have been driving there every weekday morning since October of 2004. I have shed not one tear, which is unusual. Maybe next Tuesday I'll feel something? It's looking doubtful, though. OH WELL. Thank you for not deducting all the money from my bank account once a week anymore! Bye!

Perhaps I'm just excited about her joining her brother in big-kid school! YES, yes I am.


With the kids gone, we went out to dinner last night with another couple who are also kid-less this week. Had such a great time. We are a lot alike and I'm so grateful to call them friends. Of course, all we could talk about was our kids the entire evening -- what they're reading (or not reading, in AJ's case -- he forgets HOW during the summers), what they're doing for extra-curriculars this fall, how they manage, funny things they say -- but it's part of the joy of being parents to get to share it with people.

It's lucky we had that dinner planned, because my workday was crappy yesterday. Besides feeling foggy with a head-cold most of the morning, I had a 2.5-hour meeting that turned sour at the end. In one fascinating incident, I was told we were hiring someone to "help" our department (yay), and asked to review  the job description.... which included about 50% of my job tasks (boo). I mean, yay, really, but it was a bit of a shock to have the rug pulled right out from under me, in front of other people, with no advance warning. I was visibly flustered and scooted out of the room before some stupid tears completely ruined my composure. Guess I'll have to rectify all that today. The good news is I get to write my own job description, and this new person's, and define what I WANT to do and what I want to pawn off. Work is such a distraction sometimes. 

Fashion by KT

I said I was going to post a series' worth of KT's outfits. But of course this weekend, she dressed responsibly for once, and I didn't get any really great examples of the essence of her "style." Hmph.

I do have one from last weekend. It's not one of her best, but it hints at the concept.

That dress is a 3T, I found out later (she's in 5Ts), and she wore dark green bike shorts underneath. With blue sandals. And her blue and green beads, naturally. :)

We'll see what else she comes up with to entertain us.

At the mall; and lack of time

Screw it, I'm doing a blog post.

I've been trying to be really good at work, and not spend an hour (or more) doodling around on blogger.com, because that is not what they pay me for. But I'm feeling write-y and the only thing for it is to write. And no, not marketing copy. Blergh.

I went to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour. When I first walked in, it was nice and cool, and that mall-smell got into my head, and I was reminded why it's FUN to go to the mall. I walked in at a department store entrance and it happened to be the purses and jewelry area! Whee! My favorite. I have a department-store gift card still burning a hole in my pocket from my birthday, and I have a need of some new work clothes because I think, every morning, "I hate my clothes."

ANYWAY, I was happily browsing through Belk, and then I got to the mall mall and I remembered why I HATE going there: The kiosk assault. Or in this case, it was the sales team standing in front of their non-kiosk storefront -- 3 of them -- trying to foist some sample on me. Look, I know it's their job, but I do not want their stuff (I think it was lotion or some such). I do not want to say hello or make eye contact. I do not appreciate them saying, "Ma'am? MA'AM?" as I try to swiftly walk past.

The worst part was, they assaulted me on my way forward, and then on my way out they acted as if they'd never seen me before and did it AGAIN! I had to refuse their crap TWICE! Talk to the hand, no thank you!

I was reminded how awful it was to WORK at the mall. (I worked at a couple of retail stores in my teenage years.) Sometimes I think it would be nice, you know? A part-time thing, a change of pace from a seated, office job.... but no. It would be awful, awful. Lunch in the Food Court every day. I wonder how mall stores are even doing, with the crappy economy these past 5 years? I was there on a lunch hour, in the summer, and it was still pretty quiet.

I didn't spend my gift card because I remembered I'd received a mailer with even! more! savings! coupons. Plus, I didn't have enough time to browse and try on. What a luxury that would be. I know all you moms are with me -- time to browse? By myself? Unlimited? (Unheard of.)

"Not enough time" seems to be a theme. Summer's nearly over here. We have 2 and a half weeks, basically. That's crazy. One thing AJ and I tussle over is related to time: I'll pick him up after work sometimes, and he'll ask (very nicely, mind you) if we can please go to Barnes & Noble, or Target, or somewhere. Right now. And I'll have to say, "No, honey, I'm sorry, but we have X, Y, or Z to do, but we can go tomorrow." And he loses it. He can't grasp the concept -- although I have explained it to him gently many times -- that our free time is limited, and I need to have a couple of days' notice if he wants to do things like this, so that I can plan out my other errands/tasks for other times. You know? Because at 5:15 pm on a Wednesday, I'm thinking about dinner. I have about 45 minutes to get home and get it ready, because if we don't start dinner at around 6:00, we won't finish in time for them to have baths and get started going to bed (and you know I need extra time for that). And even though it's summer, we don't have the luxury of, if  we go to bed late, we'll sleep in the next morning. It's up and at 'em, 6:00 am. If I've planned a trip to B&N, however, then I'll already have dinner squared away, so it's in the crock-pot or we'll pick it up on the way. But I'm not good at being re-routed by a kid's whim to want to go spend money, right this second. (On days when I can take him, I try to -- but those days are few and far between.)

That's what's rolling around in my head on this fine Friday morning.

That, and I'm going to do a series of photo posts of KT's daily outfits. They really need to be documented.

7QT: Might as well finish out the week!

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HEAVY SIGH. Love & Logic Night 4: It doesn't work if you switch up the routine. As in, on Thursdays we like to watch a TV show all together from 8 - 9pm. So there's no time for the wind-down, the happy-dappy choices game, and the talking about the "agreement." Maybe there IS time, but I ...It was another epic fail last night and then I FORGOT about the Hail Marys. Convinced it won't work without the Hail Marys.

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Little rant about new people at work: The new guy on my team consistently jumps ahead and does whatever he thinks, before consulting others. I don't know that I'd put his ranking above mine -- if he were a superior, I'd give him a pass -- but he's more on an equal level. Last week he and I were copied on an email with 2 "next steps," the first of which I was responsible for. (sorry Grammerrrr?) I completed my Step 1 yesterday, and he has already replied this morning with news that he'd gone ahead and done Step 2. SO WHY AM I EVEN HERE? GGRrrrrrrr. New people need to settle down and absorb the team vibe before coming in and stepping all over it. Good thing he has a kind-sounding accent and used a 'wink' emoticon in an email already, or I would dislike him completely. #workstuff

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First dose of AJ's medication: Doc said it would start working within 3 days. AJ had placebo effect, in that case, because this morning he was all proud for eating his mini-pancakes (4) AND two Pop-Tarts. (See, I'm feeding him all the right things to put on weight!) But hey, good for him, whatever works!

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Reading! Books are fun! I read Life of Pi, by Yann Martel, at the beach. It was super, super good. I've said before, any book that elicits a strong emotional reaction whether it's love or anger toward a character or a plot, ranks as good. If it engages me enough that I get mad, good! If I cry and cry because I don't want it to end, good! This one made me walk out of the bedroom, after I'd read the last chapter, with a "O_O" look on my face. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? I loved it. I loved that that tiger was called Richard Parker.

Next, I read a book called Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It, by Gary Taubes. Don't recommend it. For a week and a half, it had my brain all skewed about what foods are good and what foods are "bad" -- it claims carbs are bad enough to be the CAUSE of cancer, and while maybe that's true, I have finally come back out of his brainwash, determined it's about 75% bunk. I mean, NO, we shouldn't eat all the white carbs. Obviously. Doughnuts and soft white bread are not real food. But his "diet plan" has you eating no sugar, not even fruit (red flag), no dairy except cream, plenty of fat, and he says you shouldn't exercise in the first couple of weeks because you won't have enough energy to do so. It was all very interesting, but confusing, and it's going into the archives of my Kindle so I don't have to look at it and be tempted again. It's one of those, "too good to be true" plans. Eat steak and butter and you'll lose weight!

I call Shenanigans. SHENANIGANS.

Right now I'm totally into Here Be Dragons (but only 40% through it, yay! don't want it to end)! Knew I'd love it, and I do.

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Sandwich Artists: I just ate a delicious Black Forest Ham sandwich from Subway, with no chips whatsoever. The second half of that statement is, sadly, significant. But the keys to a good Subway, IMHO, are 1) Toast it; 2) Add avocado; 3) GET the onions. I know, you don't want to taste them the rest of the day, but MAN, can onions spruce up a boring ol' sandwich, or what? When I was in the 7th grade, my aunt made us ham and onion sandwiches sometimes for lunch (with mayo). I'd never had that simple combo before, but I liked it.

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Stalling: Just now in the restroom stall, I heard the company Pres a few doors down, clicking on her phone. Settings > Keyboard Sounds, is my friendly advice to her.

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No more Happiness Lists: I kind-of love this post from Britt Reints. SO many people, in so many "industries" like Health and Wellness and Stress and Productivity, are trying to distill the whole beauty of life down into "10 or 12 Easy Tips." And it's very tempting to think that could work -- could equal Happiness, capital H. Totally guilty here of wishing it were so. But guess what?

SEO tricks probably shouldn't dictate or measure your emotional status.

And with that, I'm done for the week. Happy Friday!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Love & Logic bedtime, Night 3... Or: Overtired.

Not necessarily from staying up late.

Night #3 was not as lovely as I was hoping things would be. We took the kids to an indoor trampoline park at dinnertime, to celebrate AJ's birthday. A great time was had by all, and the kids, of course, were totally panting from all the running around and bouncing off surfaces that those places allow kids to do. (I am SO going to look into "Sky Zone Fitness" for adults! Superfun!) Then we fed them (pizza and) cookie cake, and I misjudged and handed out chocolate bars in place of the loathesome "goodie bags," and KT ate half of hers.

So by the time we got to "bedroom time" at 9:00 (past time), we had all the makings for a fine Sugar Crash layed out in front of us.

And that is what happened, IMHO. Another way you could look at it is that she found a loophole in the fabric of the Love & Logic plan: "I'm SCARED of being alone in my room." The whole L&L deal is predicated on the fact that she's in there, and I'm not. Well, Miss Overtired was having none of that. She was all of a sudden scared of being by herself.

I remained calm. I did not raise my voice. But I did eventually leave her mostly fake-wailing in the dark (9:30). DH had to clean up my mess, I guess, because she switched to crying for him, after that. He managed to quiet her and of course she fell asleep.

We were ALL extra-tired this morning, even though I went to "bed" (couch) at 10:30.

Reporting live. Tune in next time for another riveting installment of My Kid Is In Charge, Against My Will.

Endo (growth) update

I have another post for you. It's a festival week of posts! This time, it's about 9-year-old AJ, whose birthday blog post I totally skipped this year, 2 days ago. Oops. I love you more than honey, honey, you're growing so fast and if I had a sweet DSLR I'd post a very sappy soft-focus of you. Mwah! (Quit kissing me, Mom.)

There.

Today's report is from the Pediatric Endocrinology Department, and it is a nice one. In four months, our small darling boy grew 1 full inch (average kids grow 1 inch per 6-8 months), and gained .9 pounds. His weight was measured first, in kilograms. He saw "20.2" on the scale and I swear his eyes nearly welled up. Poor kid. He thought he'd LOST half his body weight overnight. Thankfully, the PA could tell and said, "That's kilos, buddy, not to worry!" 44.5 pounds, I furiously converted on my iPhone. My stomach kind-of flopped, because that didn't seem very significant.

But the doctor came in all smiles telling us enthusiastically about the inch height increase, and everything was fine after that. She asked if we'd be willing to try an oral medication that should stimulate his appetite. We've been trying really hard to push him to eat more, and he HAS, but still isn't gaining quite as fast as she'd like. I feel a little less sure of myself in the summer, because I don't make/see his lunchbox every day, but I know he eats a decent (if not that huge) breakfast and a good dinner. I always rely on big dinner. She said she doesn't want him to put on 10-12 pounds or anything, but 6 pounds in a year would be a good step. (I guess since last October he's added 2 pounds, maybe 3?) So, it's a very low-dose medication and I told her I'd definitely be willing. Better that, than shots, I say.

The overall tone was hopeful, and everything else, she said, is normally developing, if slightly late-bloomer. So we're going to try this easy medicine, 1/2 tablet a night, the only side effect of which might be drowsiness, and see what happens next.

What I'm really glad about was that she focused on his height gain, and didn't make him feel bad about "not eating enough." Sometimes she's made it seem like she blames him. Which is, of course, unfair and ridiculous. But today she was very kind and encouraging.

We high-fived about the height, though, we really did. (As if he worked really hard, hee. BUT MY PRAYERS DID. :))

Love & Logic bedtime, Night 2

Oh, perfect, yesterday they posted this. ;)


So the 5 o'clock hour was nothing out of the ordinary. Mostly pleasant, even. And I am here to report that Night 2 went as well as Night 1, but in a different way. Surprisingly, we didn't even have to employ the "stay up as long as you want tactics," because KT after we read two stories, she insisted was tired enough, and just wanted to go to sleep in her bed. HA! Hahahaha!

I had borrowed one other tactic I read at the L&L website (or maybe in the book), and that was: Yawning is contagious. Try it, and see if you can convince anyone that she's actually sleepy. It worked! Worked on me, too -- I couldn't STOP yawning after that first one.

I don't know if KT was sleepy because she'd stayed up late-ish the night before, or because she'd had a busy day, but either way: NO FIGHTS. SHE GOT 9 HOURS. IT'S A WIN.

One thing I meant to note is that I'm trying this little experiment during the summer on purpose. Once we get back into school, we'll have to tweak accordingly or scrap it altogether. But I'm hopeful that she'll have time to learn that, hey, if I don't sleep, I'm tired and uncomfortable the next day. To be determined.

Love & Logic bedtime, prequel and Morning 1

Last night's post was done from my Kindle Fire, which I discovered is a terrible way to do a blog post! Very difficult to type and edit. Here's the short version backstory: KT is a terrible go-to-sleeper. I suspect she has her Daddy's and Gammy's night owl genes, which is fine for adulthood, but not so great for childhood, particularly when you have two parents who need to be out of the house by 7:00 am. Not to mention she has school to attend -- real-live, actual Kindergarten school -- starting in 5 weeks. For years I've done the typical bath, brush teeth, book with her, then stayed in her room while she falls asleep. Typically our goal is to have her in bed by 8:30. And typically I don't leave her room -- "But Mommy, I don't know HOW to fall asleep! Whine, whine, help me, I CAN'T..." -- until 9:30. Occasionally, we've Had It Out. That happened on Sunday night, after she'd been away from me for a full week. Nice welcome home, Mom -- fighting at bedtime. She refused to DO WHAT I SAID, and I KEPT STUBBORNLY TRYING TO CONTROL HER... then it escalated and I cried, and she cried. I apologized. She saw I was crying and apologized, too, and we had a hard, tearful hug. I promised I would try to be better and she did too, nodding and sniffling. Oh, we had a moment there. I decided to be honest with her, since with any relationship, honesty is the best policy. I told her I didn't know what to do about bedtime. Poor us. She was finally sleepy so I retreated to my room and got busy saying Hail Marys, because prayer's all I had left. I said a lot of Hail Marys. In the stress of that episode I became convinced that I just don't know how to parent this particular child. And then, in el-e-e fashion, I went back to a book. Drs. Fay and Cline of the Love & Logic Institute suggest a sure-fire way to fix kids' bedtime: GIVE UP CONTROL. Make the natural consequences the kid's consequences. Like so: Let the child know that after 8:30 (or whatever time you decide) is "Mommy and Daddy's free time," and that the only rule is the kid must stay in her room. The parent should give the kid a lot of choices about whether she wants the light on or off -- the fan on or off -- soft music on or off? -- want to read in your bed or play on the floor? -- and no other rules, other than "stay in your room." As I honestly told KT that we were going to try it, she got very excited. Could she stay up all night? Sure, I said, but just know that we wake up at 6:00 am, and we leave the house at 7:00. If you're tired tomorrow, I told her, that's going to be your problem. She reasoned out that she does have naptime at daycare, so she could catch up then (pretty smart), and I reiterated that the doctors who wrote this book say kids need about 9 or 10 hours of sleep. (I had told her I read a book and found a great solution to our bedtime problem. Why not? Honesty again -- I figure it's worth a shot.) So, we agreed to give it a try. She asked if she could have her sleeping bag and I said sure. She told me she loved to comb her doll's hair and that's what she was going to do. I gave her a hug and told her, "Okay, it's up to you. Good night!" And I left. (Hail, Mary, please let this work.) She came out a couple of times but went straight back in when I gently reminded her of the rule. It's a work in progress. I assume if there is a lot more coming-out-of-the-room, I will say, "Oh, it's too bad you forgot the rule. We'll have to turn the lights off and try this again tomorrow night." I found her snoring away on the floor, lamp still on, when I went to bed at 10:30. * * * * This morning she wasn't exactly EASY to wake, but she never is. Like I said, she went to sleep around the same time she normally does. We'll see if she's tired in the awful 5:00-6:00 pm hour today. That'll likely be the true test. But I'm hopeful. (DH is skeptical, which I fully understand. I was skeptical too and really hesitant to try this, but also: at my bedtime wits' end.)

Love & Logic bedtime experiment, Night 1

10:21 p.m. She's asleep. Went that way of her own accord, too. I finally had to try it tonihht. Not that I havent wanted to since I first read about it. I guess I was jusr being stubborn about being in control of her bedtime. (Ha, wonder where she gets it?!) Tonight we called it "bedroom time" instead.nShe was all for it-- said, "This is going to be a great nihht!" We'll see what tomorrow morning brings, but she was asleep by ten, which is normal for her, and i didnt have to lose my temper at any point in the process. How bout that. The funniest thing was when she peeked out of her room, wearing white gloves and a necklace, and said, "i dont really know what to do." I suggested maybe she lie down. ;)

Mid-summer, and kids' memories

We now have only 4 weeks left until school starts again (in the 5th week) and I'm having a hard time believing it. I'm very happy this summer that my kids have had a vacation, well and truly: We all went to the beach for a week, and then they stayed with my parents -- and effectively, with their gaggle of 2nd cousins who live across the street from my parents -- for another 7 days. They came home yesterday full of happy memories of fishing, a science museum, a Cajun pig roast and backyard fireworks on the Fourth of July, swimming lessons (AJ learned to go underwater! Hallelujah!!), swimming with cousins, lots of hide-n-seek variations on rainy days, movies, and, oh yes, dessert. every. night. (KT reported this item emphatically.)

These kids are so blessed. I mean, making memories and developing real, solid family relationships all while having fun away from Mom and Dad's everyday rules? Lucky ducks!

I was thinking about our week without them, and how it compares to my childhood. DH and I  did a lot of things that we can't do when they're here -- met to do some shopping after work one night, and had dinner, out, later than 6pm! Went to the movies on a weeknight. (Actually went to 2 movies during the week, to take full advantage of no babysitting fees.) SLEPT IN. Didn't even HAVE dinner one night, because we'd had a huge lunch. Skipped July 4th entirely. Spent a whole day off to do a house project to completion (trim/baseboards).

My parents, I guess, sent us to my Granny's house (or my aunt/uncle's house) on occasion to spend the night, and enjoyed these types of perks. We can't quite do it on a one-day basis, since we choose to live out of town, so we get it all in during this one week. I have fond memories of pallets on the floor at Granny's house, and waking up to a dewy morning on the farm, and my kids have memories of having their own room at Grandmommy's for a week, and swimmy mornings in her pool. So, see? It compares.

I know my Mom and Dad are feeling pretty empty right now with the kids back here. Their day will be reeeeally quiet in comparison to last Monday. But I bet they're worn out, too, and they certainly deserve a rest day. I was wondering if it's more fun, or more exhausting for them, remembering in a LIVE way what it's like to have small kids in the house. I know they'd say "fun," but I also know how tiring these kids can be! They wore me out just in the one afternoon of having them back!

But I am SO glad to have them back.

Full-up on summer fun

• AJ is home from camp! I was desperate to see him by Friday, on pick-up day. I snapped at KT to hurry up, hurry up, get OUT of the car. The house and my whole routine had started to feel weirdly empty, just not right. Don't get me wrong, life is a whole lot EASIER with just one kid to manage! But at the end of the day Thursday, at 5:00 pm, I just felt heavy, and knew he had officially been Gone Too Long. So Friday morning, a snapped-at KT and I trekked across the campus to where the boys were appearing... only to remember I had to drive elsewhere and get his luggage first. Argggh. Good thing I was there early. He wasn't nearly as desperate to see me, but all the same, I think he's glad to be home. We do wonder if he's having a period of "withdrawal;" he's been acting slightly weird. Staring blankly at us, random outbursts to scare KT... I don't know. He's also picked up a small set of germs and is coughing. Hoping this will all normalize soon.
• I have painted the trim around two doorways that were most despicably dingy! And the baseboards surrounding/nearby. (I have a lot more to do, but this is a start. A start!)
• The house next door is for sale. Not this one; the other side. I guess it's good for us. An indicator of how we might do? I'm wondering.
• DH mentioned possibly just getting the stupid banisters re-built. I didn't mention it here, but since Real-Estate Friend suggested I paint them black, way back in December, one of the spindles has fallen (or been knocked) out. Off. There's a hole in the spindles. Kids love to stick their heads (whole bodies) through holes like these, argh argh. Maybe rather than beat the whole structure up by nailing it back in (and trying to strengthen some other loose areas), we should just scrap it and start from zero. Go for iron. Plus, painting all those grooves myself would be a huge PITA. So, back to the piggy bank we go? It's in talks, I guess.
• We got FitBit Flexes! We're having fun trying to accomplish 10,000 steps a day. We're having fun with the sleep-monitor and silent buzzing alarms. We'll see how long the fun lasts but I'd glad to have a motivational tool right here on my wrist and look like a badass simply by wearing it. ;)
• I'm hopeful that our Braves game tonight won't get rained out. We got tickets for free. I can get probably 5 or 6000 steps just by walking from the parking lot to the stadium so GO AWAY, RAIN! and Go Braves! (Have loved 'em since I was seventeen!) You want to talk about summer fun?? I am excited to take both kids tonight. AJ's never been before!
• Beach Week countdown: 4.25 days! It can't get here soon enough! I decided today that I'm going to disappear from social media for the week. It will be difficult, since we carry our cell phones for communication from the condo to the beach, to plan dinnertimes, to locate each other (are you at Pool 1 or Pool 2?), and to ask for someone to bring snacks downstairs! But I am determined. Screen-time, save for Kindle-time and FitBit-time, shall decrease to below 10%. So Say We All. (Well, or just me.)

Bird dream

I dreamed last night (early this morning, actually), that I was lying on a carpeted floor, near a window that had blinds on it. The blinds were closed. At the top there was a gray/brownish bird, half-hidden behind the blinds. I couldn't tell, at first, if his head was peeking over the top -- I didn't see a face or a beak. Next, the bird flew out of the blinds and attacked my neck on the right side. It latched on and chewed. I physically felt a pain there and it woke me up. I even cried out, in my sleep.

Of course I went looking for this:

http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/birds/

"Bird attacking: Fear of ideas, ideals or opinions; verbal or mental (suggestions or suggestive behaviour) attack by others; fear of going beyond ones narrow boundaries. Be daring and face the restrain that holds you back." [Emphasis mine.]

Interesting. (I've always remembered dreams easily and always loved dream "interpretation.")

-----

One other related thing: When I read with KT in her bed, I'm always looking to the left to see the book that she insists on holding, so the right side of my neck gets tired/sore.

(But I've also been doing yoga the last two nights, before bed. Overall I think it's going to help with the soreness/pain.)

Birthday wishes

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. I thought of some wishes for my next year. I don't know if they're hokey; they probably are. I'll tell you anyway.

1. I wish to not hurt so much when I wake up! This sounds pathetic, but OH, MAN, do you guys just HURT in the mornings when you wake up? I do. My calves wake up sore like I've been working out without stretching, but I haven't been. My neck is just constantly tight. Is this just a getting older joint-thing that we can't alleviate? Or could drinking more water, eating better, taking the dreaded fish oil and whatever else, throwing out all my high heels, getting crazy like a vegan, or doing yoga every day reverse this horrible side effect? Do I need a new mattress? I don't know but I guess I'd like to experiment with several of these ideas -- like, get up at 5 am (haha) for a week or two for some serious yoga, or take a damn class like I want to do, and see if it helps. Because seriously, I am too young to feel this old. (I AM.) ....But please tell me you hurt, too, if you're over 37! It's mostly in the mornings, but also sometimes when I just get up from sitting, my legs hurt. WTF.

2. I wish I could figure out my career aspirations. What do I want? Most of all? And how can I get THAT, and also bring home the salary that I want and deserve? I mean, what I've learned in the last year is that what I want (what everyone wants) is contentment. So if it's simply being more grateful for my writing/desk job, and learning to let go of the corporate BS, and making peace with my cubicle, then fine, I wish to be more grateful. (And also for flextime that doesn't make me feel guilty.) And perhaps all of that will lead to more success/recognition/happiness within this job, which is a good job. But if it's finding whatever MORE could be out there for me -- if it's getting brave and looking into something riskier than I'm used to, for the reward of some free days in the summers or some interesting projects or new directions, then I wish to figure it out. Maybe it's freelancing. Writing a book (no). Finding a new company to write for. (I think it's writing; I think I've figured out that that is my marketable skill.) This is lofty and really scary, but with so much being written about Happiness, lately, it seems like I should get mine, too. I want to get in on the Happiness-as-a-business movement, to be honest. And before I turn 40 would be nicely timed. (I am so weary of reading the websites and expert opinions of basic 27-year-olds who say, "I was stuck in a dead-end cubicle job but then I [started this blog] and now I have one million followers and I live my life for me! Woo hoo! And now I'm going to teach YOU how to do the same! For a small fee." And yet, I WANT THAT. Is it our generation's snake oil? Surely it is. Or is it legitimate and where can I get some?) I WISH TO BE INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, that's what. ;)

3. I wish for my kids' and my husband's health, safety, growth and happiness. Same for my parents. And sister. And all of you nice people. And heck, me too. Let's all be happy.

7 Quick Takes: First week of summer

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I've done quick takes a lot (albeit sporadically) but I just found the HTML template today! Thank you, Jen!

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I'm having a love affair with chocolate. Perhaps this deserves a whole post on its own, but never have I been more IN NEED of daily chocolate doses. What's wrong with me? (It's not that.) (No, it's not that either.) I've just developed a habit, I guess, where after a meal I have my chocolate. At home, it's a Hershey's kiss dug out of the bottom of the giant Halloween/Easter bowl. We keep it in the cabinet for "dessert night" if the kids want candy. Today, I didn't have any at my desk, so after my trip to the bank, I whirled around the corner and ran into World Market where I picked up THREE big ol' 3-oz. bars. Here was my logic on getting three: If I had only gotten one, I'd have probably eaten the whole thing. With three, I KNEW I couldn't eat the whole amount so I'd likely behave myself. *cuckoo, cuckoo* I did behave - I only ate 3/4ths of a serving. NOM NOM ANTIOXIDANTS.

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KT -- ballet recital. She's improved a lot over the last year, I learned last night at the dress rehearsal. She actually does the moves, in time with the music. She also has stage presence. She was one of the only girls smiling in her group and believe me, it helps. She looked like a tiny professional up there. She gets that from me. ;) No, but seriously, I'm getting dangerously close to the Stage Mom arena: it's so fun to say "dress rehearsal," just like I used to have when I was a theater junkie. She wants to continue in ballet, so now I have to pick the MOST PERFECT studio for her future career as a prima ballerina. (Her current teacher comes to her daycare so I don't have to drive, but they do not come to the elementary schools. They have a studio but it's not conveniently located.)

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AJ -- 2 weeks of sleepaway camp starts Sunday! It only hit me today that he's going to be GONE. Away from his Mama's hugs. The weirdest thing is when he's not in his room at night. But I'm excited for him. I'm especially excited about the care packages and cards that I've already packed up, and will turn in when we drop him off so I don't have to mail anything. Only drawback is having to "invent" text for those cards -- I mean, it's mostly "Are you having fun?" and "I know you're having fun," but sometimes it doesn't feel natural unless you write "We're fine here at home -- just doing... normal home stuff." Heh.

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DH -- So good to me. We've been juggling drop-offs and pick-ups and dinners, and tonight he's doing the yardwork, and he's just so CONSISTENT with things. I chose well. That's the update on him. :) I mean, I could go on and on -- I schedule things and THEN check with him, and he's fine with it. I fail to clean bathrooms (particularly his/ours) and he doesn't yell at me. (HE'D BETTER NOT.) I dry his shirt all the way twice in a row when it's supposed to hang to dry, but he manages not to even roll his eyes or sigh, just takes the shirt and moves on with his life. (I guess... I hope he's not stewing about that one.) He always drives us. He lets me say I'm too tired to cook, let's go out, and he just GOES with it. Alright, I'll stop. He's great, though. You should know that.

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Reading! I've been reading! I finished Kingdom Keepers (meh), and then picked up a book I've had for years, since right after Girl with a Pearl Earring was so popular. It was The Lady and the Unicorn, also by Tracy Chevalier. LOVED it. Not quite as perfect as Pearl Earring, I didn't think, but CLOSE. So, since I was in the medieval mood I finally, finally downloaded Here Be Dragons to my Kindle and started it the other night. LL, I'm thinking of you!

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Swimming! We went, last Friday, and here is a very big announcement: I DID NOT EVEN GET IN THE WATER. There were plenty of kids at our gathering, particularly some 9 and 10-year-old girls who were happy to play babysitter to the two 5-year-olds which included KT, and therefore, I was FREEEEEEE! I had a BEVERAGE! AJ stayed on his noodle (darn the bottom of the pool! If he could JUST touch the bottom all my swimming anxiety would be solved) and KT had on her arm floaties. I WANT to get her out of her floaties, and I am going to TRY to get them in swim lessons somehow, this summer, but DANG if it didn't feel refreshing to say, "Okay, have fun in the pool!" and just look up every once in a while to make sure they were fine. (THEY WERE FINE!)

This summer's beach week might be especially sweet by the pool! Yeehaw! EXCEPT that none of my gal-pals will be there to enjoy it with me (ahem, MB, LM, and J.BEANS)!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Shoulder massage and school Masses

Stood up to stretch my back just now, and give myself a 20-second shoulder massage. Don't know why I have a bit of a headache -- maybe the glow of the fluorescents after several days of not having them buzz over me. Last Friday, I took the day off to hang out with AJ on my last day as his 3rd grade Room Mom. We had an ice cream party with the class and let them basically have recess for the majority of their half-day of school. Afterwards, the school had its last Mass of the year and I got to attend (probably my first of this year, which is too bad).

Those school Masses, man. They get me right in the heart. And this time, they were a humorous answer to a little prayer that I'd prayed several months ago when I was feeling bored with faith, as I think we all do from time to time. Months ago, I'd watched The [new] Muppets movie for the second (or maybe third) time, and I got weepy when they sang The Rainbow Connection, as well as the Opening Theme. Nostalgia, you know? It made my heart supremely happy that my kids were hearing some of the songs that were such a fixture in my childhood, I guess, and because my Mom was there, too... it feels stupid, but it was a really big emotional moment for some reason. So it made me crazy the Sunday after that, thinking that I get emotional about The Muppets, but not at Mass. ...Right? How can that be?! How ridiculous. Jesus is to the Muppets like.... well, like nothing, Jesus should be well MORE than the Muppets. And He is. But apparently my tear-ducts don't know it.

So anyway, I prayed at the time, and have since, to be moved somehow. To FEEL something about my faith. To get more from a Mass than I do from the [loveable] MUPPETS, for heaven's literal sake. And at this school Mass... these kids get so INTO it. They're lucky they have a music ministry that allows them to have praise and worship music (I mean the Contemporary Christian rock-band songs from the radio) during the Mass. And some of the songs have motions, where the kids raise their hands up when they sing, "Lord, I lift your name on high," or make a cross shape when they sing about the cross. East, West (point left, point right), you get the idea. So, two things: 1) I adore those songs already, and love seeing the kids singing them at the tops of their lungs; and 2) It made me giggle to think that our "Songprayers" and "Glory and Praise" hippie-dippy '70s music -- which also had motions [If I Were a Butterfly!!] -- was supposed to serve the same purpose for my generation of school-Mass-attending Catholic kids. Haha!

I felt EVERYTHING. I was happy, yet weepy at every "hymn." AJ knew it, too, but he didn't say anything to me. He knows his mother is a teary-eyed weirdo sometimes. I let my eyes leak regularly at his school. I love that they let parents sit with the class, with our own students, during school Masses. Because we're ALL a family of course, and we love to sing "You are Holy" (by Michael W. Smith, whom I've loved since I was 11 years old buying my first cassette tapes with a friend who was the deacon's daughter) and lift our arms up high and aaaaahhgghhhh!! I felt everything. I loved everything. I was full of joy and happiness. God does Answered Prayers really well sometimes. :)

After that we went swimming with friends, and then on our annual Memorial Day road trip, and it was all very good and the whole thing, this whole long weekend, has made me feel very grateful, and happy.

Angst

Feeling angsty about my y-o-b again. Similar angst to last summer, in that I'm feeling like I want out, I'm done -- but not for exactly the same reasons. This time there's a bit of fear behind it. We have new leadersh|p and I've heard s/he's (gender-non-specified for extra anonymity) a hatchett-man, and I'm feeling vulnerable. I guess I can't give all the details here but I can try to vaguely give some. For starters, I don't know how much backup I have, numbers-wise, for my position. There's one big, perennial project I am part of that typically gets the eyebrow-raise when budget time rolls around. The project is a huge money-suck, so I'm worried it will be axed right off the bat. That wouldn't be terrible, it's a huge pain in the ass, too. But it's probably 40% of my job (and the part I enjoy). The other part, I do well, but I don't know that I'm the most qualified person for it -- and new leadersh!p types sometimes bring in their own peeps, you know?

The good things are so good. Location, location, location. Salary. Vacation time I've built up. Location in relation to the kids' school. Leave work at work. Health benefits are good. Those are the reasons I have stayed.

I'm trying to figure out who can counsel me about this. I have a friend that I admire for her career success, and she's just close enough but not quite in my same field that I think she could intelligently comment. Problem is, she just lost her most recent job due to circumstances (not her work), and I don't think she knows that I know this. I'm not sure she'd want to advise anyone. I'm going to message her anyway, I think.

My brain tells me not to jump to any conclusions, and not to judge anyone, or let them ruin my day, with no evidence. My husband tells me the only four things that are important: Show up. Be honest. Do your best. Be unattached to the end result. I know that's truth, too. But the feelings I'm having are real, and are occupying a lot of my brain-space the last day or so.

Tiny accomplishments (me)

Aside from 2 graduations (KT's, and my cousin's), this weekend I:

• cleaned 2 of three toilets (lovely thought for your early morning reading!)
• folded up all my scarves and reorg'd their drawer which had become unbearable
• bought the kids a few summer t-shirts and shorts (I like the new JC Penney, do you?)
• rearranged furniture* in KT's room like she had requested (and in the process threw out a bunch of her old stuff - wooden puzzles, old books, junk from under the bed oh em gee)
• did* 3 loads of laundry
• baked banana bread, finally 
• filed stuff (paid bills, pay stubs, etc.) in the filing cabinet

The weather was helpful, since it rained all day Sunday. After Mass (and donuts) I just parked myself in the house and planned to get stuff done.

It felt really good. Partly to get things accomlished and have a clean house, but also just the act of doing it. Being in the moment - I love the word "homecaring." Just putting your mind to the task of making the place you live more loveable (and having the time to do it gently). I don't know. Maybe it was because the kids left me alone! Ha. They were playing all day with their Build-a-Bears. Teddy bears' picnics and stuff. (uh... stuff like tossing bears off the upstairs landing and thinking that was hilarious.)

Maybe now that everything's clean (DH cleaned the other bathroom, dusted, and vacuumed while I was doing my stuff), we can start taping off and getting read to paint.


*DH did the heavy lifting, and some folding...Thank you, DH!

All grown up

I'm walking a line today where on one side, I want to post all kinds of pictures of my KT baby, who is graduating from pre-K tonight at the very grown-up time of 7:00 p.m., and on the other side, for a variety of reasons, I don't want to post any more pictures of my kids on the Internet.
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I can't resist.

She has been SO excited about today, and tonight. They're really talking it up at her school, practicing their songs and poems, and it's different because it's been scheduled at a different venue -- a local elementary school with a "really big stage," according to her -- so it feels much more significant than usual. And it is.

In my final conference with her teacher, KT got all superior marks. I was told that she listens, makes good choices, loves to learn, loves doing new things, and even helps other kids. It's not that I don't believe the teacher... it's just that the teacher has never been to our home and seen the other version of my girl! The baby-of-the-family, always-gets-her-way (or thinks she should), whiny, contrary girl. Oh, I exaggerate -- she isn't like that ALL the time at home. But she is LIKE THAT. I know it's all my own doing. I can't help spoiling her sometimes. I laughed and said something along those lines to the teacher, and then she taught ME something. She said, "Well, in reality, what we're doing with them here [a structured curriculum, Kindergarten level, basically] is probably past appropriate for their age -- they should just be running around! So I would be more worried if you told me she doesn't act out at home."

Hunh. I didn't think of it that way. She holds it together and does so many big-kid things all day long -- 7:30 to 5:00, although a good portion of that is play and 2 hours of it is naptime -- that it's only natural she'd need to let loose at home. I mean, I've always known that about toddler tantrums, but she's not a toddler anymore. She comes across as defiant and demanding, and uninterested in listening, at home. Not just tired and whiny.

And I know I'll need to keep it in mind this summer, when her naptime is ceased for good and always. She never naps on the weekend, so I know she can probably handle it, but I was always so relieved to know she still took naps Monday thru Friday (and she, unlike a lot of her classmates, fell asleep most times).

being silly with Papa Joe

Anyway, this little spitfire is graduating from Pre-K, moving on to a new school that we've been anticipating now for 4 years, and it's a big deal. The one thing she wants is a trip to Build-a-Bear Workshop, so I'm taking her there tomorrow morning to celebrate this first big life achievement. I'm so excited to see what's next.

KT baby she will forever be, but she is becoming a real-live young lady, right before my very eyes.

Happy Friday! Some thoughts (7QT)

1. One thing I like to do is cut my fingernails short, and then paint them. Don't know why I like the look of short, painted nails better than long ones, but I do. Long ones seem... bitchier, maybe? I particularly enjoy painting them at the office. It feels illicit, and luxurious. Here's the color I'm painting today (I "borrowed" it (without asking) from KT's stash of One THOUSAND tiny nail polishes).

Orange for spring!

2. I used to be so much better at this blogging thing. I revisit old posts -- today I wanted to find out when, exactly, AJ started reading, so I was exploring January 2009) -- and I think, I was funny. I could string sentences together in a humorous, somewhat entertaining way! And people were coming here to read what I said. Hunh. I feel like I have lost some of that ability. And I know I've lost the greater ability to write anything meaningful. I used to do that. I got jealous reading some of Britt's insights yesterday. I wish I had written them. It's fine; suppose I'll just continue to write pithy things. ;) The difference is, I guess, she has a theme and a purpose, and I'm just here doing my thing, for me.

3. Actually, what it is, is, I'm saving my good stuff for the PAID writing I must do. Yesterday I knocked out two big assignments -- a letter from the Editor (me) for our magazine, and an article about one of our products -- that had been on my list all week. OHHH, I did not want to write those two things. But there were hard deadlines, and I had to. I broke out the pencil and paper for some good old-fashioned brainstorming (hate doing it in a group, don't mind so much scratching it out myself on scrap paper), and Wrote Those Suckers. Even got some virtual high-fives on them from the higher-ups. It felt good to get them done BEFORE Friday, and once again I was reminded to be grateful that I have a job where my actual skills are being used. Sometimes it's even fun, to write good things. It's a rare blessing that a lot of people who work do not have.

4. Random something that's kinda neat: An Oklahoma church unearthed a time capsule from 1913. My favorite things were the ones addressed to "Our friends in 2013."

5. I've been working on the way I see the world, lately -- I know that sounds kind-of big and dramatic. I had noticed, sadly, that I just had this general dislike of other people. You know, like, other drivers for example. It's easy to scowl at and sort-of hate the driver who cuts you off. And we all have people in our lives who are kind-of weird, and we just roll our eyes about them and allow our surface impression to simmer and grow. Which turns into dislike. So, well, I wanted to stop doing this. It actually happened by accident: I was in church one morning and I saw, in a front-row pew, this very rich family (who are always so nice, but) who live in a giant, gorgeous house which I used to grouse about every time I drove by it. And when I looked their way, I only saw that I LIKE them. I actually felt like I LOVED them. Loved that they're part of my community, anyway. (And they're nice. Why should I care about their house?) And then I saw another family I know, and I love them, too, for who they are as relates to my family. They're weird, sure. But that's who they are. Looking around, then, I started being able to love all the different people there, in different ways. The super-most-annoying lady became "Quirky Sue," in my mind, instead. I mean, accept it, right? It's not going to change. Just love her for who she is. Last night it happened at choir practice -- I felt such love for all the good, odd, annoying, sweet, dedicated people singing next to me and behind me. :) It's hard to explain. I'm trying to carry this feeling to the workplace (and other drivers!), because that's where I get a large majority of scowly feelings toward people. It's hard work (is that okay?), but I like it. Did anyone ever read that horrible book, the Celestine Prophecy? I did, and hated it, but the concept of seeing an "energy" or "light" coming from each person (hooey, in the book) is feeling real to me in this context.

6. What are we reading? I am trying like heck (in ten-minute increments) to finish Kingdom Keepers 1. AJ is loving this series -- he loves ALL the mystery/adventures series -- and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It's fun, but I don't want/need to read any more after this one. It's great for a kid like him, who's been lucky enough to go to Disneyworld enough that he remembers where rides and attractions are, because it takes place there. If you had never been to Disney, I'm not sure it would be as interesting. I'd like to read a grown-up book next, and I have a long list.

7. I'm going to miss singing this anthem with the choir on Memorial Day weekend, and I'm sad because I adore it. So fun to sing. It starts kind-of slow but gets really good around 2:20, and the Alleluias are just awesome. Best with eyes closed. :)

Househousehouse... and gratitude

Writing here is very often a way for me to blow out the nighttime cobwebs and get my brain started. I like to do it, to allow myself room to do it, even though I have a PILE of assignments from work and everyone on my team seems grouchy and stressed. I’m not particularly stressed; maybe I should be. Or maybe I shouldn’t! Take that.

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Mom and Dad were here from last Thursday evening through the weekend, for the annual Grandparents’ Day at AJ’s school. We had a nice time together. Ate lots of good food – including a  new-to-us BBQ restaurant and a new recipe, the Asian brown rice one from this post, that the adults all liked. We had to spend a good amount of time watching movies and just hanging out at the kitchen table, because it poured rain for nearly four days straight, and was cold outside. What is WITH this weather, man? But it was fine because one of the things I like best about spending time with my parents is hanging out at the kitchen table. My house, their house, even our beach condo – this is the stuff good visits are made of.

But the one thing this trip made me think about most was, greedily I guess, having a new house someday that isn’t so creaky and/or non-soundproof; that doesn’t require that they climb stairs; that has a little more space to put stuff and for the kids to play; and that doesn’t require the kids to couple-up in sleeping bags. I’ve said before that it’s FINE for now – the kids like having sleeping bag parties in KT’s room, and it’s so sweet the way she likes having her big brother in there with her (they even hold hands before falling asleep). I don’t want my parents (or DH’s) to feel in any way BAD for coming to visit!! (You’re not allowed to feel bad, Mom, and: Keep visiting!) But there will come a point when it won’t fly anymore. I mean, I suppose we could give Mom and Dad our room, and DH and I could sleep just fine on the couches downstairs, and each kid could keep his or her room… but one little guest room would fix it

Of course, I’m not really expecting to find a ranch-style home. Almost none of the types of neighborhoods I like include ranch-style, and I’d only be willing to buy an older ranch-style house if it was very nicely updated. Or very cheap. I’m assuming all I’ll find is master-on-main options, which I guess would mean Mom and Dad would be offered the master. Which is fine with me, though not ideal. 

So I need to (same refrain) get busy painting and fixing up our house so we can SELL IT. Grey has been determined as an acceptable, trendy-yet-neutral paint color for the master bath. I want to pick WHICH grey, now. And we already have paint for baseboards.  

Yesterday KT and I visited the ENT where her ears were cleared with a teeny-tiny vacuum. She yelled and screamed but maybe not quite as much as last time. Bless her heart. Ice cream was offered out of guilt for making her suffer through that. (And maybe a new book, too [Pete the Cat and his Groovy Buttons!]) She said later that everything was louder. No more “stupid ear.”

AJ is into origami lately. He has several books, particularly likes the “Origami Yoda” series, and even likes to DRAW the origami Yoda figures. He also folds his cloth napkins while we eat dinner. Drives me a little insane. He’s gained a little bit of weight, I think – the other night the scale gave him a 47. It was right after dinner so it might not have been accurate, but I’ll take it. The news has been full of stories of kids suffering lately; DH and I have decided that if he’s short his whole life, we’re grateful and we’ll take it.