One moment with my birthday boy

This Morning is a special one. We wake up early, and tip-toe-parade into AJ's room, softly singing Happy Birthday, as he rubs the sleep from his eyes and sits up in his crib. He's so cute, reaching for Mommy, then pointing at Daddy's cap that hangs on our mirror, as he always does. "Dah, dah..." he calls it. "Yes, honey, that's Daddy's HAT. HHHAT. Can you say hat?" ..."dah dih dah dih dah dah." Then he remembers to look for the dog. "Hih, hih, hih," he pants, like Napoleon. "Where's Polie? Oh, THERE he is! Look, honey, he wants to kiss you for your birthday!" And AJ giggles with delight while getting completely slimed with dog kisses. "hih, hih, hih." AJ does a really good 'dog.' (It's his Baby Sign.)

We get ready, come downstairs, and... ooh, look, AJ! Presents on your high chair! (The first of many.) We open. We play. We stick the bows in our hair. Daddy has to leave. Mommy begins the morning work-routine. Get out the laptop. Listen to AJ fuss because he can't touch the screen. Get breakfast. etc. All is going fine until 8:30, when AJ starts to get sleepy, but WILL NOT admit defeat. I try once to put him in his crib -- he screams for 20 minutes. I believe in letting him Cry It Out, but he just isn't having it this time. Okay, fine, we go downstairs if he wants to play. Put him on the floor. Nope. "Aaaaaaahhhhhh, ah, aha hahahaahhhhaaaaa!!" he wails. "HOLD ME!" he's saying. "Honey, I can't hold you every minute of the day. I have things to do. Look!! Let's play with your new See and Say."

It goes on like this until forever, and all the while I'm sneaking in a few minutes of work here and there, and also watching the clock faithfully, because I don't want to miss 9:42 am. We play a bit, I get up to wash a dish, he realizes I'm gone, he cries. He tries to step into the fridge while I'm getting a drink for myself. He cries when I won't let him stay there. He climbs all the way to the top of the stairs. I pick him up, try rocking again. 9:00am. Not having it. More of the same wrestling match. Finally, I decide maybe he needs another bottle. So we sit down on the sofa... at 9:35. Hmh, look how conveniently that turned out. Now he quiets down and drinks. I'm calmed, watching him. I'm remembering the epidural, and how I clicked that handy little button a few times in the early stages of the morning, 1 year ago! And then I remember how they said I pushed for 30 minutes... but when I try to picture it, it doesn't seem like more than ten. And I remember how bug-eyed DH was as it all happened -- so fast, so foreign an experience. I remember how we called and called my parents to make sure they didn't miss it, but the phone wasn't in their room and they didn't hear it ringing. (They made it on time anyway.) I remember the "french fry" warmer. I remember the song that was turning over and over in my head. All of a sudden it's 9:42. I remember when the doctor held you up and Daddy had to turn away a little bit, so overcome. And how I said, "I can't believe he's here already!" And how we named you, out loud, from across the room while they cleaned you off. And how I got to hold you. How tiny you were. How warm. How we all cried. So I'm crying now a little bit.

But I'm so glad I got to share this moment with you this morning. ALL of these moments. They're all part of your little life -- our little life. Do I wish you were still as itsy-bitsy and quiet as that first day? No way. I'm treasuring that memory, and this morning's tough ones, and anxious to make new happy ones together. Happy Birthday, my little boy. Your Mommy loves you, more than more than more.