This weekend we found out that a couple we like is splitting up. That's how they said it, too, "splitting up." Not "divorce," because that word's much too hard to stomach. I've been warned before that the 10-year mark is when you sometimes see your friends' marriages start to break up; these friends had been married about 11 years. Right out of college. We thought they were actually perfect for each other; both talkers, both "refined tastes," (in their own minds, at least), both uninterested in having kids. So it's strange to hear the Mrs. say, "We were good roommates, but never got the marriage right." I took her phone call on the back porch where I could listen without the interruptions of my own happy marriage -- namely, AJ, in his Saturday-morning-excited voice. My mom put it well when she said that, even though it doesn't make me worried or overly sad -- I know they'll get through this just fine, they're 2 strong people -- they were part of mine and Hubby's "anchor to the earth." Jacques and Christina. They just Went Together. They were a fact.
Now comes the weird part of sorting out the friendships. Whom do we stay in touch with? Or, if both, does it have to be me with her (sorority sister), and Hubby with him? Because I actually love talking to Jacques -- he is passionate about cooking and food, he and I share Louisiana & Catholicism in our blood... so that'll be odd if some ties have to be cut. I hope not.
We also heard that another friend, who has battled cancer the last ten years or so, has been taken from the treatment center to her mom's house... and "she's being given pain medication." Two kids involved in that one, so sad. No telling how long she has, but her liver was mentioned, too, so I'm guessing not long. She's remained so strong and faithful throughout the whole thing -- I don't know her too well; her husband and I went to college together -- but... man. There's just nothing to say about it besides It's not fair, and not right and too, too sad.
It makes me, no surprise, appreciate the everyday goodness that is our life. I hate to have to be reminded that each day is precious. Each meal, each laugh, each glance. I hate to be too sentimental because it feels cliche. Maudlin. But there it is. I can't help it.
To counter, we have at least two weddings to attend in the next few months, and at least 2 babies are being born in our circle. I like a good balance.
I want to stick around and tell some funny AJ stories, but I have work that needs doing. He's cracking us up with his, "I rilly need some Spidey cookies, Mama." (Me: "You do? Really?") "...yeah, I lure do." (yesterday at Publix). After that it was a rather long evening -- he had about 4 mini-meltdowns, for various non-reasons. But these are the little trials and treasures we have to be grateful for.
Speaking of treasures: Yard sale this Saturday! Maybe later I'll tell you what we're unloading. Maybe we'll have a laugh. :)
4 comments:
That IS sad. And it not like it's just friends splitting up, it's people you spend a lot of time with, and have for many years. Very complicated and tough. I hope they can reunite and be happy again.
We have friends making every effort (or at least I hope every effort) to avoid divorce after a major rupture in their marriage. They are godparents to Monster and we are godparents to one of their children. It has been very difficult to see them through this time, but I am hopeful that God will get them through it. When my mind goes down the road of divorce I start thinking about all of the little things to work out and I don't like it. Such a hard thing to see happen.
I thought I was safe, since we're going on year 11. Now I read that this is traditionally a rocky time! Rats! When do I get to stop worrying?
Is there a cutoff or deadline or something? Like, "After 50 years of marriage, if you're not dead, you are unlikely to get divorced." Something like that. Could be helpful.
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