Me, Me, Maternity

I was packing for our trip eleven days ago and noticed, "Hey, Self, it's been 43 days... You are going to need to either pack Tampax and Tequila, or possibly saltine crackers and peppermints, so which is it?"

And it was... saltines. (Hoo-ray for not needing Tampax on a beach vacation.)

So there you have it, my news. I'm about 4 weeks in, I guess, and perfectly thrilled and grateful. I told my parents, sister, and best friend last week and had fun "hiding" it from our other family ("Just a Sprite for me, thanks"). It -- the news, not the Sprite -- certainly added to the joy of having a week off.

I'm being slightly grumpy about it today however, because I came home from vacation (painful enough in itself) hoping to share the news with a few close coworkers. And then got scooped: another of our colleagues announced while I was out that she's expecting... Twins. (Hey look over there, it's the air going SWOOOOSH, right out of my tires.) There's also another work-friend who helps out part-time in the summer, and she's due in 5 months or so. The two of them standing together today, talking about due dates, just made me feel childish. Like, "It's no fair" and "But that's MY news," and probably a dose of "I guess no one will care about me now, I'll just go eat worms."

I AM Extremely Immature. And I realize that every woman, especially someone I think of as a friend, deserves to be a mother and deserves congratulations and excitement, and not petty selfish scowls from me. And that some people can't get pregnant, or can't right now, and I have nothing to whine about. NOTHING. It's a bigger forehead-slap than the day I realized, after a particularly bad vocal audition, that there are a LOT of talented singers in this world. Really A LOT. I'm not the only one. And I'm happy for everyone, really. I don't know why I can't just say, Hey! this will be fun! We'll all start comparing our heartburn and looking cute in our shared maternity clothes. (Can I borrow your red blouse?)

I will confess something I'm a tad ashamed of -- back when I got pregnant with AJ, I was desperate to be first at my office. We are a group of around 25 people, and at the time, about 6 of us were married-a-few-years-ready to be thinking about it. I WAS first, and was really relieved. So I guess this is come-uppance for that smug (and stupid) "win." Maybe next week I won't cringe when I see all the other pregnant women. I guess I can't help my natural feelings, so for now I think I'm going to stamp my little feet for a teensy minute. Mine! (Whaa.)

And then, I'm going to get over it and be excited. :)