We've been having... oh, not trouble, really, but some adjustment... in AJ's new 3-year-old classroom. He's been sent to Time-Out at school 3 of the last 4 school days, something which he's NEVER experienced at daycare, to my knowledge. Not that they didn't have Time-Out until now, he's just always been The Good Kid in the class.
In fact, the assistant director's favorite thing to tell me these last 6 months or so has been, "I can go into his classroom at any time (to make an announcement, retrieve a child who's sick, etc), and AJ is ALWAYS doing the right thing." He has sat on his mat when the teacher asks. He's been first in line when she said, "Line up." He's cleaned up. That sort of thing.
[NOT that I'm trying to brag about my (adorable, well-behaved, natural genius) kid or anything. Because that would be a little too-too, wouldn't it?]
Anyway, it seems that he is being influenced by some of the other kids in his class -- and again, I only say that because his teacher tells it to me with confidence: that AJ is a good kid, but he's being a follower. Doing things like sassing back. Spitting. Or generally being a pain (not listening). So he has served some well-deserved Time-Outs.
I'm glad she's communicating with me, and of course glad she's disciplining him. I'm even glad he's testing that water a bit: How's he going to learn what the wrong behavior is, and what happens as a result, if he doesn't engage in it once or twice? What's hard is knowing how to deal with it ourselves, once he comes home. The first few times, of course, we just Talked about it, and tried to encourage him to Do the Right Thing. He'd nod his little head, "I unnerstand yoo, Mama." But on Monday when we learned of another schooltime transgression, we got stern. We told him any more Time-Outs this week, and no more TV. GRAVE CONSEQUENCE.
Well, Tuesday it seemed to work. I think we even reinforced the idea Wednesday morning (I'm sure we told him to be a good boy and listen to his teachers)... but Wednesday was another Time-Out day. When I put him in the car at 5:00, he said nonchalantly, "I want to watch Diego when we get home." And I calmly reminded him of our deal. Slowly, his mind processed that.... and he crumbled into the most pitiful, sad state of realization that, "Oh my goodness, *I* did this to myself..." (At least that's what it looked like, to me. Like he knew, and was saddened that the consequence was happening as promised.) It was equally heartbreaking for me and very satisfying. He cried most of the way home.
(He was fine, of course, when we got here. Did you know fun is possible, even without the TV? I know! It's pretty amazing. Hello, this whole thing might be worth that lesson right there.)
I'm not sure if we're doing the Right Thing with this -- if he were home and had a Time Out, I'd consider the crime paid for, and move on, so shouldn't his school Time Out count for something? -- but I feel like we need to inform him that bad behavior in school is not acceptable.
Seems like heavy stuff! And he's only 3.
7 comments:
AJ is pretty whippy smart, so I'm sure he'll get the connection, but I know that with Wallace I wouldn't do the consequences at home. Maybe in a year or two, but not now. He'd do something on the spur of the moment that requires a spur-of-the-moment consequence, but he wouldn't be able to remember that sassing at 8:00am means no tv at 7:00pm.
Presumably the school is handling it. If the time-outs are not having an effect I'm thinking they'll probably let you know.
Is he repeating the same behavior to merit the time out? If so, I think the additional consequences at home are right on. If it is a different issue each day, perhaps at-home consequences are a bit much. 3 is an age where limits are tested and tested and tested again. What is his attitude about the time-outs at school? Does he seem to think they are no big deal? What is his attitude about time-out at home? Perhaps he is acting out at school because he purposely wants to be excluded from something. Additionally, while it may seem too soon for this, maybe some of it is related to the new baby? Kids are funny in how they pick up on things and process them. Maybe this is a cry for attention.
I am sure that you and the school together will figure out what is going on.
Oh, so sad!
I have been mulling the extremely interesting issue you brought up, about whether the time-out is punishment enough or whether there should be more discipline at home. SO INTERESTING. And I don't know! But your way sounds good and right to me: first leaving it as school discipline for school issues, but then punishing at home for continuing to need to be punished at school--and on the principle that the school discipline is apparently not working and so needs to be supplemented. But when I read the other comments, those sound right TOO. Maybe it's a win-win, where either way is a good idea.
Swistle, I hope that you're right! :) Thanks for the vote of confidence, though.
No experience here, but I'm guessing you are right on. Kids are pretty smart, it seems to me.
4andcounting, I appreciate your thought, too, that New Baby (affectionately referred to as "Tummy" by AJ, ha!) might have something to do with this, too.
I'm glad we have a long weekend, we can maybe spend some extra quality time with him. :)
Thanks.
Ive got a 3 year old at home doing the same thing...and i never know if he understands the long term consequences (i.e. you were bad yesterday, so there is a consequence today). But I keep trying...hopefully something will stick. Maybe no "diego" will work for my little man too..
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