My manager just stared at my screen for 5 full minutes

... we were in a different browser Tab, but this one was up, with its "BLOGGER: hello, self!" title glaring at us. So oh well, she probably knows where to find me now. Not that I mind -- hello, $h@n (just in case)! I've told her I keep a blog, but I've never actually handed her the URL.

Happy Friday, people! It's been an "off" week, with Halloween on Monday night, hasn't it? Or was that just me? I don't know, I've felt like I'm tripping over my feet every day, not really remembering AJ's homework assignments and which days they're due, not having my usual lunchtime errands for birthday parties or volunteer-school-activities, and being out Monday night made the rest of the 4 days seem unplanned. Or something. I've also been s...l...o...w...l...y getting sick, which has been ANNOYING. Monday night after the candy madness, I got a really weird case of the shivers. I did hang out in the 50-degree temperatures for 2 hours-ish passing out candy and trick or treating, but the shivers happened after we came in and I'd been under my blankie for another hour. When we went upstairs to bed, I got the shakes and could. not. stop. It made brushing my teeth difficult. My lips looked gray/blue in the mirror. After DH did his best to hug them out of me, I bundled up and got into bed, slept well and very warm. The same thing happened on Tuesday night, but not quite so dramatically; I was just cold. Wednesday I felt mostly better. Thursday (yesterday) I had a headache. And last night and this morning, my throat has been sporting that tell-tale, pinpoint place of sore, where it hurts to swallow. I'd rather just have an all-out SICK DAY and call it done. This dragggggging on is driving me crazy (mostly because I'm not sick enough to just REST, I still have to DO STUFF)!

Bleh. It SURE makes for an interesting blog post, doesn't it?! Don't answer that.

When I went shopping with KT a few weeks ago, I let her/us buy a little bag of peach gummy rings as a treat. You know, they're made by the Jelly Belly company, and are orange and white with a sugar coating? They're so delicious and artificial-peachy. I haven't been able to get the taste out of my mind since then. They KEEP popping up in my memory! I wouldn't say they're my favorite candy, either -- just one that made a particular impression on me that day, I guess. My FAVORITE fruity candy is probably Jolly Ranchers, which I rarely buy, followed by original Skittles and Charms Blow-Pops. At work, we recently discovered some hard candies by Crystal Light, so they're sugar-free. I approve of those, too. It's fun having different kinds of candy in the house this week, I have to say -- normally we only keep M&Ms on-hand (old habit from the potty-training days, I guess, and for emergency chocolate needs). But the candy buckets are disappearing after this weekend.

I finally read The Namesake by Jumpha Lahiri, that Sherry lent me about THREE years ago. (I'm done now, Sherry!) It was quite good. I enjoy books where the main characters grow from children into adults, and this book did that in such a way it made me think about my own life cycle, and that death is part of that, and it's okay, and life goes on, and all those deep things. It's about a family of American immigrants from India and of course the colorful culture made it that much more interesting, but I think the story was really about family relationships and the timespan was exactly my lifespan (so far) -- I had the feeling that the main character was 37, just like me, at the end of the book -- and I liked that. I also enjoyed that it had a lot to do with his name, and his nickname, because I think that's such an important aspect of people's identities. Apparently it's even moreso in Indian families. The only other feeling I had of the book was that it was slightly sad, or maybe just grey. I think this was the main character's mood the majority of the book, actually. So if you need a lift, this may not be the book for you, but if you want something interesting and life-mirroring, then I recommend it.

It's hard to review books, isn't it? I know Swistle always says, "I liked it, but I didn't like it, and I recommend it, but I also DON'T." I'm feeling that very same thing right now. Next on my list is THE HUNGER GAMES, hooray!! Perhaps I'll recover from this stupid cold this weekend, in my bed, reading.

Prescription filled

I did it. I took the day off yesterday. It was so simple. So full, of time, and breath, and quiet and nothing. I felt 9:00 am, outdoors. It's delicous. I took a walk. I stretched afterwards. I did the grocery shopping, without a list. Felt dangerous. But mostly comforting to fill the family's pantry once again. I had lunch with two girlfriends I hadn't seen in 7 years, at a bakery. I ate dessert. I went to the park and read my book for MORE THAN AN HOUR, uninterrupted, except to breathe in the sunshine and fallen leaves, and to brush little green aphids off the page. That's it. That's all I did.

It was an enormous gift, that simple day. Enormous.

Bed Time

WELL. It's high time to move that video down the page, so I suppose I can think of something else to write about.

Think....

Think...

Ermmmm....

This is not going so well, is it? Of course I'm scattered because of the lack of sleep... two nights in a row, there's been an interloper in my bed. Gosh, I love that girl, but she's killing me softly. It'd be fine if she just came in and went to sleep, but she comes in and wants to chit-chat.

Last night it was [stage whisper] "Mommy! Help me find my CHAPTER BOOK." I had given her one at bedtime, because she was requesting a Chapter Book. "Like AJ's," she specified, "No pictures." I tried handing her an old copy of  "Little House on the Prairie" -- refused. Picutres. I tried a paperback "Nate the Great" from AJ's bookshelf. Refused. So you know what I gave her? Salman Rushdie. "Haroun and the Sea of Stories." (Which is excellent, if you've never read it.) She was satisfied with that one and went to bed with it.

Evidently, it walked off sometime before 4:00 am.

We suspect the solution could be so simple, in getting her a new big girl bed and pretty new covers that she'll adore (I'm leaning toward a full-size, even though in her tiny bedroom, she really needs a lofted bed in order to preserve any sort of play-space). It feels like in order to get a new bed, we'll have to immediately redecorate the whole room. I want an armoire, new bookshelves, new toy storage... But I know I should just get the bed. At least then if she needs someone to sleep with, there will be room for two people in her own bed, or an empty bed for me to retreat into if when she takes over mine.

I've tried to look at furniture online, but I end up looking at Pottery Barn Kids photos, when I should be looking at plain mattress photos. And I'd love to create a room from shabby-chic and DIY and antiqued pieces that I spruce up with my own creativity and spray paint, but... I get stifled and discouraged by the idea of doing it all at once, which would be pretty impossible. But maybe if I just start with a mattress/box springs, and a comforter from the french boutique, Target, I can take the decor part a little more slowly.

So perhaps this first task will be prioritized here in the next few days. Like, perhaps tomorrow. Mom, I think you and I will be making a stop at the local mattress store during our Saturday shopping.

For Cayt, and for being a follower! The Silly Accent Vlog

Aaaaaccccckkk! Embarrassing! But I totally did want to do this, depsite my protestations yesterday. Hi, Mom, here is my accent! The first one of these I watched last Friday was Jonniker's, and then I went into a time-warp and watched about 15 of them, some from bloggers I don't even know. So interesting! Amusing! Anyway, I thank Cayt for prodding me one time, because it was all I needed to satisfy the need to film myself (?!! why?). Hee hee.



Here are the instructions:

Say the following words: Aunt, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught

And answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

p.s. I forgot "ruin." But I say, "roo-in," not "run," as some of my friends do. I actually love when I hear an authentic, "ruint." I even have a Mississsippi friend who jokes and says, "rur-nt." HAAAAA!

p.s.s. I don't say, "see-rup," what was I thinking? I realized after watching this a few times, and going BACK to re-watch Arwen's, again (and others' too... obsessed much???), that I had told HER in her comments, that I couldn't IMAGINE saying "see-rup," that "suh-rup" was the ONLY WAY. So I'm feeling the need to atone for and apologize for this grave mistake.

Monday the 17th

I enjoyed all the Accent Vlogs last week! I feel like I'd be presumptious to do one, myself, considering that a good portion of my readership knows me IRL. Heh. "Hey, Mom, here's what my accent sounds like." Plus, living in the South, it's pretty clear that I'll say "cokes" and "y'all." I might surprise you with "pajamas," though. (Short "a" jammies, but "ah" for pajamas. I can't reconcile the two.)

Yatt is telling me about her trip to Urgent Care last week (Friday), after she had spent the day hacking up a lung just on the other side of my cube wall. She evidently had infected tonsils and a fever of 101. Awesome. Where is my hand sanitizer? Every time she coughed last week, I squirted my hands. I wasn't having direct contact with her hands, and I know hand gel can't stop the contagions from flying around through the cube walls into my AIR, but... instinct, I guess. I should have remembered the Lysol spray this morning.

Our weekend was deliciously calm. Both days, we emplyed Divide and Conquer -- AJ and DH to jiu jitsu, and KT and I to Bed Bath and Beyond. (I shopped! For fun, decorative stuff!) In the afternoon, the kids played with the neighbors outside while DH mowed, and I vacuumed inside. I didn't mind! I was GLAD to get the house cleaned up! No one was whining for me to hold them or play with them! Then the babysitter came over, and DH and I went to a new (to us) restaurant, and to see The Help. What a movie. Loved it. It was as good as the book, no question. The casting was brilliant. Sunday was Mass, then the boys went to watch a football game and KT had a birthday party to attend. Afterwards, she crashed on the couch and I got to READ! And do 25 minutes of exercise, which was lovely!

So, another Monday begins this busy workweek. I'm so excited to see my parents on Thursday -- they're coming in to help us with AJ's "fall break," which isn't billed as such but is a 4-day weekend for the students. Us parents are held hostage by having to attend Parent-Teacher Conferences on Friday. There are guests in the office today (ugh) and I have lots of errands to do on lunch breaks. I'm thankful for:

• Time to tend our home, and space to let the kids run.
• A cartful (not a buggy) of groceries last night at 9:30, even though I wish I could cut down on the cost (coupons?).
• Joy in our singing at Mass yesterday, despite some fun(ny) drama!
• Time with my husband Saturday night, just to sit near each other and share an appetizer, and be.
• A delicious cup of coffee. Well, okay, 3 cups. :)

Notes from an Introvert Mom

• Am I the only one who hates Halloween costume parties? Bleeerrrggg. I mean, seriously, I WINCE at the thought of dressing up and then having to also make polite conversation with people. (I am hoping for some rah-rah enthusiasm from all of you other Internet-shy-introverted-and hate to make phone calls types.) It's weird because I was such a theater-nerd in high school -- I LIVED to dress up and play a character. But... no more. I've got invitations to two "Costumes Required" parties, both on the same night, unfortunately; they are people I would like to socialize with, but *whiiiiiine* not wearing extra eye-liner and wrinkled polyester! What to do...? If you DO like dressing up, what was your very best costume idea as an adult?
• We had KT's first Parent-Teacher Conference this morning. (Three year old preschool!) We haven't loved her teacher thus far -- she has NOT seemed as warm and loving as some of the previous teachers we've loved, although I've been somewhat willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, seeing as how she SPENDS HER ENTIRE DAY WITH FIFTEEN 3-Year-olds. Perhaps I would not be all sunshine and rainbows at the end of those days (or the beginning, frankly, either) if I were in her position.
  
  However, the conference went well and she said some very nice things about my girl. She's a leader. She is very social, very emotionally aware, proud of her work, very creative, and very smart. She is writing her name without help, except for a little help with the "K." She is able to count from 1 to 39. She recognizes all the letter sounds and letters. She is starting to learn patterns in "math." She can draw the 3yo version of a person (head, arms, legs -- and she adds hands and feet!) She is a talker -- both in knowing the answers to questions, and in never shutting up. They said it's just part of being THREE, but that they also do envision future report cards with "Talks too much in class." I'm told the teacher has had to resort to "KT, Zip It!" when she just won't stop.

Hee, hee. And oh, dear.

Tangled and Teary

Man, Disney has done it again... here I am, nearly 2 years late to the Tangled party, but I have to share. We watched it several months back for the first time, and of course I loved it. The kids did, too. And so this weekend, when it was just me and KT -- the boys went away on a Scouting overnight -- we watched it once on Saturday and once on Sunday. [Aside -- do your kids do this, too? Get obsessed with a movie or show and want to watch the SAME EPISODE or the WHOLE 2 HOURS over and over and over again? Or is that just mine? I have also seen the two "Good Luck, Charlie" episodes available on Xfinity On Demand about four frillion times in the last 2 weeks.] Anyway, what I was going to say is that this movie, much like Finding Nemo before it, makes me WEEP! Good grief with the mother-daughter issues, and the keeping-kids-safe dilemma, and the kids-finding-their-independence and becoming-their-own-people and now-they-can-never-go-back-to-the-way-it-was!! Not to mention the holy giving of one's own life to save another's-es!! Yeesh! I am a complete MESS by the end of it, and so KT is awfully confused about what's a happy ending and whether or not Mommy needs a teddy bear and a blankie. It kills me when she comes to sit in my lap because she sees that I am sad. Kills me!!

Craving creativity

I guess Pinterest has done this to me... I'm feeling like I want to start doing more crafts and projects.

Well, okay, I'm partly motivated because KT needs a new big-girl bedOMGsheisstillsleepinginourroommostnights. Partly. Motivated. !! But Pinterest helps. I mean, you just see such adorable things there, many of which don't look hard, but require some time and effort.

I get hung up on that part, the time and effort part. But I think, "Well, Lee, if you really WANT IT, go out and GET IT." Isn't that the theme of our generation? Pshaw, you don't have time. Make the time. I have been thinking, if I'd just SAY on a Saturday, "I'm going to Michael's (or the antique store, or wherever) and then this afternoon I am going to paint something...." I have very little project-gumption, I guess, but I would like to have more. And if I want to do these kinds of things -- if they would make me happy (ier), I should definitely fit them in, right?

The other thing I love about Pinterest is that fact that I'm adding some visual beauty to my days. Even if it's just on my little iPhone screen, I'm enjoying seeing pretty things more often. Because I don't subscribe, unfortunately, to Architectural Digest like my elegant Mom did when she was my age. :)

I need a small, achievable something to get me started, and this one seems like the perfect thing.

It would be lover-ly in pinks and greens and lilacs and maybe a brown and a white, in KT's big-girl room, wouldn't it?? I am excited and hope to buy the supplies soon.

Art History, and my idea for a Music Project

When my sister and I were small (probably first and third grades, or so), my clever Mom purchased a teaching guide of some sort, for Art History. It included what seem, in my memory, to have been 9 x 13" prints of works of art from many of the great masters -- Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Picasso, Cassat and Modigliani (impressive, right?). Mom instituted some sort of schedule, hung up the prints of the week (or maybe the month) around our house, with their names, dates and painters written underneath, and then we had little quizzes from time to time. It went on quite a while and I loved it.

We learned "Whistler's Mother" and "Still Life with Peppermint Bottle." I remember many of the works vividly; others not so much, but I can certainly identify styles and guess at who might've painted something, if I see it in a museum or book. I never took Art History 101 in college, which I do regret, but I still feel like I have a healthy basic knowledge, and that serves my humanities-leaning soul (?) well.

I recently had the idea to adapt the Art History plan for Music Literature, for my own kids.

There are certain works I would like them to recognize. Things that are obvious to me when they come on the radio: The Nutcracker Suite. Beethoven's 5th. Baroque period vs. Romantic. Aaron Copland! Granted, my kids are smaller right now than we were during our Art History lessons, but with music, it's never too early to start seeping it into their little ears!

They already listen to their own CDs when going to bed (only until the CD ends; I don't keep it on all night or anything) -- AJ's into kid-pop and has some Justin Bieber, some I Don't Even Know Who Else, China Anne Somebody or other? and some other tunes he picked out. KT's listening to a Disney compilation at the moment or sometimes Laurie Berkner. I want them to continue to choose their own music at times, too, but I am thinking that at dinnertime, maybe one or two nights a week, I'll just casually turn on a CD of Debussy's Children's Corner, or The Nutcracker, or Rodeo by Aaron Copland, and let it play while we eat. I might or might not make namecards for the composers, and set them up (casually!) on the kitchen counter while those songs play.

I'm so excited about this and have played the Debussy a couple of times already (they're enjoying the feel of the words "Golliwogs' Cake Walk" on their tongues when I tell them the name and they repeat it back to me).

I'm going to have to get on iTunes because I know I threw out the one (cheap) Nutcracker CD I had, years ago (the orchestration was not up to par - I think it was a reader's digest version, y'know? Not the real deal). And my classical collection is lacking in several other departments.

AJ has remained uninterested in piano lessons, much to my dismay. I hope I can convince (or force?) KT to take them, but until then, I'm happy to start them off with a little music appreciation.

Update...

Turns out you CAN play a Nintendo DS with a broken arm. It is not hard! You can play it, like, for 3 or 4 hours at a time! Especially when you're at home because your Mom is a sucker and feels sorry for you, having to have a cast! It is pretty awesome, actually!

(The final report: it's a type of fracture that heals in just 3 weeks. Yay! He talked the ears off the orthopaedics staff, and chose a blue cast.)

Rite of Passage

Our news this week is interesting, at least: AJ has fractured his right arm. Years from now I might want to remember it (I guess?) and it probably deserves a spot in the proverbial online “baby book,” though I think the pages in traditional baby books run out before age 7. Anyway, he was playing, at home – he loves to try to do “frog-stand,” and maybe this was what he was attempting to do – and he fell off KT’s bed, catching himself with two hands and two stiff arms… one of which went, “Pop.” Auditorally, it was a small pop, like cracking a knuckle. But already in my memory of it (2 short days ago), it’s gotten louder and…crunchier. How does the brain do that?


I am leaving the office in 20 minutes to take him to the Children’s Orthopaedics. I am anxious to finally hear from a doctor myself, since DH is the one who got to take him to Urgent Care the other night, and he has taken the follow-up calls (“Yes, it’s a fracture, now commence with the appointment-making and referral-getting. Have fun!”). I hope we get some actual details. Remind me to ask for doctor’s notes for Jiu Jitsu (we’ll get a little money back) and what he can and cannot do.


AJ, himself, is mostly handling it well. His mean mommy and daddy have made him go to school anyway. He hasn’t said we’re mean, but I feel – surprise –guilty about it. But yesterday he managed, and his friends took good care of him. I went to the school at noon and saw them on the playground, playing “Walk-Tag,” a game I think they made up in his honor. The four of them came walking up to me in a posse, and his buddies took turns telling what he had needed help with. So cute. Of course my main worry was had he gone to the restroom??! How is a kid supposed to unbuckle a belt and unfasten hook-and-eye pants with one (left) hand, I ask you? (He told me later he just didn’t go… all day.) I guess we’ll all figure out a way.


At dinner and bedtime last night, he was kinda weepy. He doesn’t like the splint, of course, and wants it OFF. (He won’t like a cast, either, if that’s what he gets today.) And I suspect he’s a little worried about how he’ll have ANY fun for the next 6 weeks, if it takes that long. The prospect of not playing his DS or Wii (hard to do with only one hand), no regular tag at recess, no trampoline jumping at the neighbors’ (ever again!!! Says Mean Mommy), no jiu jitsu, no bouncing on beds (ever again), no Daddy-wrestling…. I mean, I understand for a 7-year-old boy, this is pretty devastating. He had JUST learned a front flip on the trampoline, too.


On the other hand (heh), we’ve already promised to buy him a new set of Pokemon cards, and… there will probably be extra trips to get ice cream in his immediate future.

Rain last night

It poured rain during the night. Enough to wake both kids and bring them, shivering, to our room. I don't mind so much when they come in during a storm. It makes me smile, almost; I think it's one of the blessings of parenthood to be considered the safest and most comforting person/place, when thunder makes the house shake. And it comforts ME to have to comfort them, you know? It's the one time I kind-of do wish we had a king-sized bed.

I've always liked storms -- not that they don't sometimes scare me, too. But since I was a child, I've sort-of enjoyed being awake, even if it's 2:00 in the morning. I think the unexpectedness of them is what makes them interesting. You just don't know when the next crack! is going to happen -- not even when the lightning gives warning. Could be 7 seconds later, could be right away. And Jennifer once wrote about how she prays in thanksgiving for her home, however modest, when it's coming down cats and dogs outside. YES. What a comfort to also hear the hum of the fridge or the AC cutting on, when outside all the "hum" is loudly interrupted with unpredictable fury (or even gentle drizzle). How thankful I am for our solid shelter. For a warm bed.

And for extra bodies sharing my pillow.

----------------------------------

(Of course, after a while I did have to move myself to AJ's room. There was a 3-year-old leg thrown over my neck.)

Grateful!@3

^ Current password to get into my work computer, in case you ever find yourself in my cube.

Yes, I'm making a concentrated effort to count my blessings for the next few days. Yes, I'm feeling better. But gratefulness is gooooood medicine, and you can never have too much.

• I made a roast in the crock pot (2-3 lb frozen roast, 1 onion cut up, 3/4c water + 1 envelope Onion Soup Mix. High for 6 hrs or Low for 8). It tasted just like my Grandmother used to make, and I made onion gravy and lima beans with rice to go with it. The only thing I forgot was spiced peaches. No one loved it but me (DH ate it willingly and said it was better than his Mom's), but I DON'T CARE. I am very grateful for Comfort Food.
• It's almost fall. I love the cooler weather, football, sweaters, the rain. It's coming soon and I'm going to revel in it.
• I'm grateful for my Integrated Management System. Ha! No, really, I've been reading a productivity book at work, and it, along with MS Outlook, is helping me organize my days a little more thoughtfully, which is obviously something I need. (Avoid Stress! Plan! You can Do It!)
• I'm grateful for a job. Like the Desiderata says, "It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time." (No matter how grumpy it sometimes makes me.)
• I'm grateful for a husband who loves and accepts me, warts and all.
• I'm grateful for fun and cuddles last night with KT (Alice in Wonderland, playing mermaids in the bathtub, and Alexander & the Terrible...Day), even while she's being a 3.5-year-old pill these days. It will pass; I'm holding on to that and trying not to wish time away.

Some Pleasantries

After I wrote that post Friday, and all of you were so kind, commenting, I had a hard time getting the little silent tears to stop falling. I would think I was all finished, but then another note would start me right up again, and back to the ladies' room I would go. I don't blame you. ;) I thank you, enormously, for all your sweet words and virtual hugs. As I told my Dad, us writers/bloggers/journal-keepers rarely feel the need to spew words all over a page when things are exceptionally good. It's harder, even, to FIND those words, I think. I've said before, I seem to remember the great days in soft-focus visuals, in a "feeling." People always say they want to "bottle it up." But somehow, when the emotions are painful, the words fall all over themselves to get out, to be said. I guess that's where poetry comes from.

We went out on Friday night; I decided without consulting anyone that Mexican Food Was Happening, and I guess everyone knew better than to complain, after my outburst. Well, that's not entirely true, KT complained a little, and pretty much refused to eat, but too bad for her. Margarita? Check. Spinach quesedilla? My new favorite. And otherwise, we had a normal weekend, both productive and relaxing. The weather was gorgeous, which is a renewal in itself. I laid down to read and essentially that turned into "went to bed," at 9:00 p.m. on Saturday night. We went for a walk on Sunday.

I still feel like I want to take a Personal Day from work, but it looks like I have called a meeting for this Friday (damn). The following Friday, AJ has the day off school. So I don't know what will happen, but I'd like to figure it out. I think I've only ever just played hooky one time in my 15 years of working; I mean, taking a day that wasn't a planned vacation or Christmas holidays, just a day for me. I'm picturing a leisurely morning with my coffee, a leisurely shopping trip by myself, a day free of cleaning or chores (unless I feel like it - sometimes cleaning is good for the soul), maybe a haircut. I suppose it doesn't have to be a Friday. Tonight is Book Club, and although I still don't really feel like being jolly, I am hopeful that by osmosis, the good friendships in front of me will fill me up.

Please, please pardon this extreme brain dump.

It's been a couple of rough days for me. I'm feeling underappreciated and under-loved, I guess, and I melted down about it this morning when KT fought every choice I gave her over what to wear. Normally I wouldn't bother with that battle -- I often let her go to school as the raggedy child in plain jeans and a stained t-shirt, because I simply don't have time to argue with her -- but today is school picture day and since I thought it was yesterday, and sent her in her ONE cute outfit yesterday, and had fewer options for cute outfits today, AND since I don't have time nor money to take her to the expensive studio for a three-year-old photo, this is going to HAVE TO DO, and she NEEDS TO LOOK CUTE. I envy the women whose girls are always dressed in AN OUTFIT that actually matches and was bought together, and always with the big, adorable grosgrain ribbons in their hair and cute shoes. KT never has the exact right shoes. Anyway, this morning I had a meltdown.

Times like THIS are how I simpley cannot fathom a single-parent-situation, because all I had to do was quiver like I was about to meltdown, and DH swooped in, shut KT's door, and took care of the situation while I childishly cried into a towel in my bathroom. I guess we all have our breaking point. AJ had been giving me the business earlier in the morning, because we didn't have his favorite breakfast item. "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO THE STORE???!" he shouted at me. And that set me off.

IWORKSOHARDFORYOUANDALLIEVERGETISATTITUDE!ICANNOTGOTOTHESTOREEVERYDAYIWILLGIVEYOUAPIECEOFWHITEBREADANDSOMETEPIDWATERFORBREAKFAST,HOWWILLTHATBE????

Not to mention the dog crapping in the house TWICE in the morning, once AFTER I took him outside and he just doodled around sniffing things. Old dog, bless his heart. BUT OH MY LORD WITH THE POOPING.

Some of this started yesterday on Sparkpeople, when someone commented to me (because I was saying I haven't had time to workout) that my schedule is "insane." I've sometimes thought that, myself, on particularly busy weeks, but it kinda threw me for a loop to have someone else say it, because isn't my schedule just a NORMAL working mom with two kids kind of schedule? It has made me question nearly everything, and I guess that's what taken my emotions right off the rails. But I mean, what do you think about this kind of schedule? Objectively.

Monday
7:00 leave the house, drop off AJ
7:30 - 12 work
12 noon lunch with a friend (a rarity, I assure you)
1:30 - 4:30 work
5:00 pick up AJ, take him to his annual checkup
6:00 do homework, make dinner, etc... kids to bed, make lunches, watch TV and bed.

Tuesday
6:15 leave the house for my early day
6:30 - 11 work
11 - 11:30 drop off volunteer-job stuff at AJ's school; pop in to tell him he'll have to go to Aftercare b/c of an unexpected meeting
12-4 work (lunch was provided at work that day)
4:30 pick up AJ, homework, dinner...
6:30 boys leave for Cub Scouts
hang out with KT, etc. nighttime stuff

Wednesday
7:00 leave the house, drop off AJ
7:30 - 12 work
12 noon lunch out with my team (ran by the bank too)
1:30 - 4:30 work
5:00 pick up AJ, change his clothes, go to his jiu jitsu class
6:30 home, DH made dinner....

Thursday
6:15 leave the house for my early day
6:30 - 3:15 work (lunch at my desk, which I hate, but sometimes I have a lot of work to do, too)
3:30 pick up AJ, take him to school skating party, have no friends there, no one talks to me... (this was also a bit of an emotional glitch - when the skating rink feels the same at 37 as it did at 13... hrm.)
5:00 home, feeling guilty because KT isn't picked up yet but I need to get AJ home to do his homework before she's there to interrupt him
6:00 make dinner, listen to KT scream in complaint about not wanting what I'm making... eat my own dinner quickly because...
6:40 leave for choir practice -- which I can't decide if is another committment to stress me out, or "me-time" (I lean toward calling it me-time, but some days, especially Sundays, it feels like the opposite)
9:00 practice ends, go home, watch Project Runway, maybe help DH fold a few items from laundry... crash on the couch around 10....

I just... I don't know. It seems pretty normal to me. Maybe minus the choir thing. Is it not?

KT's in a phase of complaining and screaming. It's normal 3.5-yr-old stuff, we went through it with AJ. But it is wearing on me at the moment and I'm not handling her very well. (Can't wait 'til she's thirteen.)

I need some new clothes. That's one thing that always adds to a bad mood, when I don't feel like I have anything to wear, and no time to go shopping, and I'm always worried about spending too much money. I need a haircut and I haven't had time for that. I don't like to complain about it all, because DH will say, "Please go take some time for yourself, go shopping, get a pedicure." And then I'll feel bad for leaving him with the kids YET AGAIN, and I know HE needs some time off as well (not to mention clothes shopping), but he doesn't ever whine about it like I do... and I need a girlfriend that I LIKE to invite me to lunch or something, because I feel like I don't have any friends at the moment, and that makes it worse. I'm not even PMS-y, although this post sure sounds like it.

I'm so grateful for my beautiful kids, my wonderful husband who does the laundry and the yardwork despite how crappy he feels at the end of a work day, and all the good gifts I have. Most people think, I suspect, that I have it all together. But sometimes I have NOTHING together, nothing at all. I get tired and cranky and I don't want to DEAL with it all anymore. I would like to take a three-week vacation. Maybe by myself. At my mom's house.

Just Write: Right Now

I'm going to try this free writing exercise with Extraordinary Ordinary. Thanks to Nicole for pointing it out to me! Warning: This could end up being a very boring entry!

AJ, age 7, is sitting behind me at the kitchen table. I hear his pencils, coloring a West Virginia flag picture (drawn with much angst and crying last night from a picture we found online), working so hard I can almost also hear his tounge sticking out.

The dog is under the table. I hear him breathing, snoring (a good thing for a 15-year-old lab).

I poured us Cokes, a rare treat, but I left mine over there, on the counter. I can still taste its yummy sugar in my mouth. AJ has only drunk a little of his and I'm glad he's not a Coke guzzler. Last time I gave him Coke, he was enthusiastic in telling me, "Mom, Coke is REALLY GOOD." Rare treat, rare treat.

Next we'll have to cut out a construction paper cover for this state report. But I'm supposed to be talking about right now.

I see snacks waiting by the back door, to be taken to the boys' Den meeting tonight. DH's first as a Leader; I know he's slightly nervous. It makes me smile. I see a load of recycling that needs to be taken out (and I'm glad we finally signed up with a trash service that separates recycling, because I think it's a good lesson for the kids). The kids looooooove to take out the recycling, by the way.

Now I hear the dog clicking around the wood floor on his nails (we rarely cut them). And AJ wants to show me his finished flag. Have you ever drawn the West Virginia flag? It's really a tough one, as state flags go.

I get up to look, and I'm really proud of him. I will probably shuffle off to begin the nightly stroll through the pantry/fridge, to figure out something for dinner. I'm thinking chicken.

Monday is a letdown

After our exciting weekend, today is such a letdown. Between our Friday night dinner outing to Li's Asian Cuisine, where KT was adventurous, trying lo mein noodles and gyoza, and smiling after every bite, knowing how proud we were of her for being! So! Big!... and Saturday's trip to the dancewear store to buy Tap Shoes! And real leather ballet shoes! (because the cheap knock-off brand at Target simply won't do for 3-year-old ballet [apparently])... and happening upon the city's Saturday Farmer's Market (fresh! flowers!)... and then having an unknown (to us) 14-year-old babysitter come over to watch our 2 kids and our friends' 1... and driving far away to a smallish wedding and drinking 2 lovely glasses of wine... and eating red velvet cake with icing that tasted like liquid-soft marshmallows... and then... then!!! watching my sister's Ironman results on the computer, clicking Refresh every few minutes, even though I knew it was going to take more than a few minutes for her to run 4.7 miles to the next split (why do they do them at such random intervals?)... and then seeing her final result, THIRD in her division!! ...and crying with her, over the phone, when SHE learned that result...

...I mean, the fact that I have a stupid head cold on a Monday, and came to work armed with my DayQuil to do some emails and data entry, is supremely lame.

Kid Breakfasts

I liked Swistle's Kid Breakfasts post, and the comments about what other peoples' kids eat. I don't know if I'm embarassed or not about our list. My kids usually eat 2 items of their choice from this list, plus chocolate milk or juice:

• Gogurt or other kid-friendly yogurt


• Quaker instant Oatmeal


• 1 slice of banana bread (I make a lot of banana bread, because we have very ripe bananas leftover every time I buy them)


• Jimmy Dean's Sausage & Pancake on a Stick (sometimes turkey, sometimes regular)


• Frozen mini-pancakes (4)


• Nutella on toast cut into "bites"


• Dry cereal (they like Fruit Loops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Frosted Flakes, and Cinnamon Life lately)


• sugar-free applesauce, grapes, strawberries, or half a banana depending on what we have


• rarely, a Nature Valley Trail Mix granola bar

I amuse myself typing this up - why am I so concerned about the sugar in applesauce when I'm obviously not very concerned about any other item's nutritional value?! LOL. Also, KT rarely eats all her oatmeal although she asks for it every day. I've taken to splitting one packet up for her, which seems so measly when it's doled out, and when she barely finishes even that. But on the other hand, she also gets breakfast at daycare, so I don't worry too much (except about the waste of food).

A Bushel and a Peck

I wish we could take video of some weekends in their entirety, and then go back to re-live them. I've learned this before, but once again it seems the best ones are really sometimes the least complicated.

... DH got to watch AJ at his new martial arts class, which he LOVES. It's interesting how much more enthusiastic AJ is about this than he was about baseball...

... We spent a lot of money at Target, but for things we have definitely been wanting, including a bulletin board for AJ's room (doesn't that make him seem like a BIG KID to you?), and shelves for our den (remember, I said we might do shelves??)...

... We had lunch at home on Saturday, which felt boring at the time (DH and I had lobbied for Chick Fil A but the kids weren't interested) but maybe it was just what we needed...

... We cleaned the house relax-ed-ly, vacuuming, dusting, and wiping down bathrooms (for the babysitter, and yes, it takes having someone over in order for me to get enthused about cleaning)

... The babysitter came and brought joy to the kids' hearts (KT was so cute, waiting by the window for her car to arrive), and to the parents' hearts, as we headed out for Thai food and then, the BEST MUSICAL EVER WRITTEN, Guys and Dolls. ;) I do love that show and I love my husband so much for knowing I would be thrilled to see it...

... We went to Sunday morning Mass and the kids BEHAVED, unlike the last 2 (or was it 3?) weeks running, AND we ran into some baseball friends there. We didn't know they went to our church and it was a really nice surprise!

... We did laundry, listened to music at dinner (I'll have to tell you about my new MUSIC plan), and got the pantry stocked for the week with juice boxes and oatmeal. Meals are planned for this busy week ahead, and my heart is just full with the love of family life right this moment.

7 Quick Things I Did Yesterday

It was a busy day.

1. Got up at 5:00 am. I started this schedule last school year, and it did accomplish the task of allowing me to do homework with AJ twice a week at our kitchen table. I do also kind-of like being awake before everyone else, and leaving the morning shuffle of dressing kids and gathering backpacks to DH, while I drive to the office at 6:15. (They also behave better for him than for me.) HOWEVER. It’s so earrrrlyyyy! Whine. I’m unsure if I really want to keep up with it this year again.

2. Witnessed some police business going down! I was in the drive-thru line at the bank, and another guy in line was evidently not doing the right thing, to use daycare-ese. 4 cop cars and 1 plain-clothes investigator! They cuffed the dude while my teller was all, “Thank you for banking with Wells Fargo!” over the tin-can speaker.

3. Made it to carpool in time. I was not the last car, and this always pleases me. One reason I am unsure about continuing these early days is the extreme rush it takes for me to GET to carpool. Even with leaving my office at 3:30 (exactly 480 minutes after I arrive at 6:30, minus lunch), I hate that stress. AJ knows if I don’t make it, not to panic... but I panic.

4. Met an online friend IRL! A sweet lady I met on Sparkpeople.com lives right around the corner from us. She and I met up for a 30-minute walk in the park, and AJ came with us. He walked a little and played on the playground a little. I don’t know if we’ll continue to meet in the afternoons (I’d rather not have AJ there by himself, although I do think it’s important to model for him the importance of physical activity), but I think we’ll definitely meet again.

5. Cooked a real dinner for once this week. It had a protein, vegetable, fruit, and Crescent Rolls. It was not hot dogs, chicken nuggets, leftovers, microwaved, or one of my frequent dinner solutions. We hadn't had this dish in a while and I thought it was delicious.

6. Went to the 1st choir practice of the season. We had fun, and my only regret was being overly excited about some music we’re doing this year that I’ve done before. I don’t want to be THAT GUY, who acts like she knows it all, already. Yeesh. *stupid stupid!* I do wish we'd get some additional people to join. Young-ish people would be nice (average age in our choir is about 60). Edited: NOT that there's anything wrong with 60, of course (Mom)! But it would be fun to meet some singers my own age.

7. Barely saw my husband. So I bought him a pint of Cherry Garcia. We first ate that flavor on our second date, I believe it was, 12 summers ago in 1999. I remember being excited that he shared a bite, on his spoon, with me. So intimate! ;) Anyway, I barely saw him yesterday, so it’s a good thing we have a date night planned this weekend. I can’t wait.


more quick takes hosted by Jen!

The Minutes!

I have a habit that is completely annoying to me. It would annoy you, too, if you knew of it, but it's concealed on the inside of my BRaaaaaaaain. So today I will share it with you, aren't you lucky? Here it is: I count the minutes that I'm away from work, and I try to make up every. single. one.

Take yesterday, for example. I somehow arrived at work about 14 minutes early. Yes, you read that correctly, 14 minutes. Not 15. I noted this in my Brain, while walking through the lobby and into the elevator. I didn't dwell on it, but noticed it.

Then at lunchtime, I had to drive through the school carpool because 2nd Grader AJ had Noon Dismissal (first week of school nonsense). I left the office right around 11:35. Of course, carpool is a long wait, and I was scheduled to meet DH at home for a kid hand-off. There's no real need for me to explain this, but I will anyway: I had stayed with AJ for the FIRST half-day on Wednesday, and DH was keeping him for this 2nd half-day. NONSENSE, these half-days, did I already say that?

ANYHOO. I'm unsure the exact minute I got home with AJ, but we scurried around grabbing lunches to take with us on the road, and by the time I was in my car and almost back to the office, I could see it was 12:48. UH-OH -- I HAVE TAKEN AN HOUR:13 LUNCH!! So I thought to myself, "Well, I'll just stay tonight until 4:45, no big deal. One kid is with Daddy, the other kid will get to have an extra snack at daycare. I can make that time up. And THEN I remembered the morning's extra 14 minutes, and I was so relieved because I came out AHEAD.

BY ONE MINUTE.

I seriously do this type of counting every day. And you know that my job does not even require me to clock in, or log my time, or any of that. My co-workers certainly don't worry about working a FULL 8 HOURS, down to the minute. If they did, they wouldn't spend 15 minutes every 2 hours or so, standing around the common areas talking about Miche bags. (This seems to be the new craze at my office - one coworker is selling Miche bags and evvvvveryone is ordering them. I think they're ugly, myself.)

Not that I never get up -- I do take plenty of bathroom breaks and even a quick yoga break in the mornings (hey, if some people get cigarette breaks, I can have a yoga break). I also don't spend every waking moment doing WORK -- obviously, as I am typing this on COMPANY TIME. But why am I so flipping concerned about the minutes?? I wish I knew. It's a bit of a sickness.

More on diet/exercise

What I didn't say is that now here at the end of July, I am back to attempting at least 3x a week exercise, and eating as close to 1500 calories a day as I can. I usually go a bit over.

I am eating a lot of whole wheat tortillas and beans. Black beans, fat free refried, and hummus. Drinking water like it's going out of style. I have a bottle of wine in the fridge that I keep wanting to pour a glass from, but I forget to budget for it so there it sits, unopened. Tonight we had one of the Holy Grails of diet food, sugar free Jello. Mmmm. My diet profile on Sparkpeople says I need to eat more slowly. Habitually, I am the first to finish (clean) my small-portioned plate. I eat too fast and therefore try to also clean restaurant plates, which are not well portioned. I'd like to change that. It's hard.

I am pretty certain that nothing will really change on the scale or the clothing size until I make a drastic change to my exercise plan, like taking up running. But I am not quite in that mindframe yet. I WANT to want to run... But I am not 100% convinced the result would be worth the effort.

And I've been having heartburn lately. I know I will need to try some kind of OTC remedy first (blech, chalky torture), but I think if I have to take away my coffee and 1 bitty piece of dark chocolate every day (not to mention tomatoes, salsa, red wine and everything good that's spicy), known reflux-causers, I will just cry.

Now, you know everything about my diet & exercise lately. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Diet and exercise lately

I started an account on Sparkpeople.com, because I didn't want my kids, someday when I'm gone, to come back to this blog and think, "LORDY, Mom had some food and exercise issues, didn't she?" Frankly, I get sick of talking about it, myself, but I know most women DO think about it, and worry over it, and have to COOK and GROCERY SHOP all the time, and don't have any time LEFT for exercise... so yeah, kids, it's a bit of an issue.

So I got started on Sparkpeople in February, and had a great 2.5 months of logging exercise up to 4x a week. That's a lot for me. I was bringing my shoes to the office and walking near work. There are at least 3 different good trails/sidewalks near here, plus a treadmill (in a gym) in the basement of the office.

And then May and June happened and I don't know - I slacked off. It got hot. Although, one of the major thoughts I've been having about Diet & Exercise lately is this: I have been fairly active most of my life (if sporadically).

• When I was a kid, it was swimming, gymnastics and tennis.


• In middle school, I was a cheerleader and "played" basketball, and took dance lessons.


• In high school, more cheerleading. 3 days a week in the hot sun practicing. I distinctly remember running laps.


• In college, I went to the gym and walked all over campus.


• After college, I gained a good bit of weight (beer and eating out will do that to a person), but I did still walk in a park near my apartment. And I did a shit-ton of Dance Step Reebok with Petra Kolber in my living room.


• First married? Walked around our new apartment neighborhood. Tried Dance Dance Revolution a couple of times.

etc. I could go on, and I mean, I'm no athlete, but I take comfort in the fact that I've always TRIED. I've kept trying.

Other random tidbits that have crossed my mind:

-- Salmon, no matter how nicely prepared, is just not as satisfying as creamy-sauce-covered jerk chicken pasta. The salmon will never win my heart, though I force it to win my decision most times.

-- The gym, is not really that scary. Not even when the only other person there is a GUY. All you have to do is say, "Are you using the treadmill?" And he might say no. And that's it, you get on the treadmill. He's not really watching you (me)... he's watching his own MUSCLES. (Or wishing for them.) And it's funny when you catch him straining a little to lift that last rep.

-- It is not hard to cut up 1 lemon and take it to work in a baggie, to squeeze into 32-ounce bottles of water. NOT HARD. And lasts a full week, if not more.

-- Eating a cookie (or 3) does not make anyone a bad person. It is OKAY. It is okay to eat cookies and ice cream -- you are still nice, and sweet (probably sweeter), and people won't dislike you for it. You won't get in TROUBLE for messing up. Just keep eating veggies too.

-- You can tread water in the 3-foot shallow. Just act like you're swimming, but use your arms to stop yourself going forward. It IS movement/a workout.

-- My worst temptation is chips and salsa, or crackers and dips. I go insane on those. INSANE.

When we painted our kitchen (the oft-mentioned Before & After!)

It took us 3 months, March - May, to actually complete this project, and it has now taken me three more months, May - July, to post any photos about it, despite really, really wanting to. And then this morning I had the post nearly finished, when Blogger decided to eat it. Drat!! I'll try again. MAY I PRESENT:

Our Kitchen and Den, Newly Painted, a photo essay.

(click pics to enlarge)

First, a "Before" shot. Please ignore the people in the foreground (mah baybee! so wittle!) and notice, instead, the details of the walls behind them. Our floral border. Our cornflower blue. Our dusty and heinous Big Blue Checkered Window Shade! The lovely plastic collander atop the cabinet! Weep a little for me, letting myself live this way for 8 1/2 years! Dumb me.


And behold, "After."

I couldn't have removed the construction-paper artwork from the dishwasher before taking this photo?!? (head smack), but here it is, finished. That's Valspar "Labrador." I thought it would possibly make the formica cabinets stand out worse than before, but I don't think it does. I found the exact number of dark wicker baskets, at the exact height I needed, to store things like plastic collanders around the top. So much neater. And I'm in love with the blind on the window. Should have definitely done THAT 8 1/2 years ago.

Just another shot of the countertop. Banana, anyone? You can see here where the Labrador ends and the "Hopsack" begins. I adore the name Hopsack. And the color, too.





Have to show one small detail. I'm not a Decorator, nor did I really care for most of the kitchen decor things I was seeing in stores, but because I have two ceramic roosters/chickens that belonged to my Grandmother, I was happy to also find these little rooster bookends. A theme! I'm trying not to go overboard with it but I like the red accent it brings to the room, and I did buy red dishtowels, as well.




Finally, the pantry door and the den. We did Hopsack on top and Labrador on the bottom. It's calming and creamy and we still love it. I haven't bought shelves to put on that big wall, but I will. And of course now I need new couches. :) Projects beget projects, don't they? Wonder how long it will be before we do another one? (Acutally, I'm anxious to paint my master bath now. Probably with the same colors. I'll let you know when it's done. HahahahatalktoyounextFebruary.)

Weekend friends

We went to some friends’ house last night for swimming and dinner. They have kids, a boy and a girl, right around our kids’ ages, and our kids play pretty well with theirs. They go to our church, and I got to know the mom/wife through choir. They’re perfectly nice. We had a fine time. But it just wasn’t emotionally satisfying in the way that I want our couple-friendships to be. It never is with these friends; they’re like us in some ways, and very much not like us in others. The word I came up with was warmth -- there just isn’t a lot of warmth among us. Not a lot of laughter. Okay, I’ll say this: we don’t really care for the husband as much as I like the wife. So there’s an imbalance, for one thing. I don’t think they’re tee-totallers but they don’t ever offer beer or wine, which I feel is sort-of odd for a Sunday afternoon in the summertime…. or, for anytime at a social gathering of adults. Is it weird for me to think that? I know alcohol isn’t necessary for a good time, but frankly this party could have used some loosening up. No matter – it is what it is, and I certainly don’t require alcohol for a good time (geez, now I’m all self-conscious that I brought it up). Anyway, I’m left wondering if the friendly warmth will develop over time (although we’ve been getting together with this couple, sporadically, for 5 years now), or if it just isn’t meant to be. Sigh. I’m trying.

On Friday night I had gone out with the school moms – a group of about 8 of us. We had a fantastic outing at an art workshop, where they coached us through painting a beach scene. I was pretty darn proud of mine, and it was fun to let the artist in me try something a little different.

But I thought, if I put as much effort into our couple-friendships as I do my girl-friendships, maybe we’d enjoy that aspect of our life a bit more. What we need, we were reminded last week, is to get together with W@lt and M@rti. They’re fun to be around, if a little off the wall. W is always cracking off-color jokes (he emailed DH last week and said, “I know this is a sperm of the moment idea, but…” GROAN) but is full of warmth and humor. His wife emigrated to the U.S. and is very interesting and sweet, and they parent similarly to our style (older girl, younger boy). It’s been a long time since we saw them. And Sherry and D. (Hi, Sherry!): Some of the nicest people I know (and also fun, warm!). And Mel and Jon. Okay, maybe I need to schedule a party. Friendships require tending, and I can see I need to get into the garden and get my hands dirty. (Plus it was a NY's resolution. Eek. 2011's half over!)

Guilt of another "nature," har har

We all have Mommy guilt; that's an established fact. When we don't serve our special snowflakes 100% All-Organic Juice, perhaps, or we don't schedule them for fourteen different activities during the summer like their obviously Harvard-bound peers, or we do make them clean their plates at dinnertime (the horror!). But I have another kind of guilt and lately it's been worse than Mom-guilt.

Mowing guilt.

Folks, I have a confession. I have never once mowed our yard. Never. Once. My poor, dear husband suffers yearly when the summer heat and humidity begin -- and even when it's a comfortable seventy degrees, he suffers up and down the hilly, sinkhole and rabbit-hole danger zone that is our giant yard. He bought the lawnmower, he uses the lawnmower... he hates the lawnmower.

And I don't help.

Obviously, it's a very dated picture of domestic life -- she cooks and takes care of the children, and he does the heavy yard labor. For that I feel badly, even though I hardly call myself a staunch feminist. I think in other areas, we do things mostly evenly. We both changed diapers. We both give baths. We both manage the money. We both MAKE the money. We both clean toilets. (Actually, if I'm to be fair, he does a lot more of the cleaning (vacuuming) than I do.) But I just can't bring myself to mow the grass.

Because It's HOTTTTTTTTT! Proper Southern ladies are simply not meant to sweat as much as it would require for me to tackle that task (did I tell you I was once a Debutante?)... No. No amount of iced tea could make up for it. And.... it's a big MACHIIIIIIINE! I'm slightly scared of it, I have to admit. I could cut off a foot! It's a dirty job, and, unfortunately, DH has to do it. That's just the way it is. I would say he knew this going in to the marriage... but he probably didn't, since we didn't have a lawn before we were married. Whoops.

My mother, I will have you know, has never mowed grass, either.

I suppose the obvious solution would be for us, a 2-income family, to Pay Someone Else to do it. The one time I tried that, it was an EPIC FAIL. I should have known, employing a pre-teen. Any future hire would have to be a professional service, and I feel like I've suggested it before, but... economy and unnecessary expenditures blah blah blah.

So. Guilt. Maybe it balances out slightly because I agree to play unlimited games of CandyLand with the kids while he does it?

(Do you ladies mow? I'm not sure I want you to answer that.)

Seven Quick Takes for AJ's 7th Birthday

Age 1.

We think AJ is figuring out ma-ma and da-da. Real WORDS. Evidently while I was gone, he saw a picture of me and DH, and looked at it and said, "ma-ma." **Heart melts.** Sweet, sweet, boy.

Age 2.

When we're outside, he's figured out that it's fun to RUN downhill. Again, I wince when he does it and prepare myself for a trip to the ER, but the joy on his face almost makes up for the heart attacks. His immediate request, when he falls, is for me to kiss it (although, no matter what hurts, he offers his LIPS to get kissed), and then he asks for "Ice?" Ahhhh, I love it. I always remind him that I will ALWAYS & FOREVER kiss his booboos.

Age 3.

He's fun to play board games with at this stage, because he's not competitive. Whoever wins, he screams with glee, "You WIIIIINNNN!"

Age 4.

AJ's adventure of the week: sticking something in his ear "just to see what would happen." He saw what happened, alright. A nice metal forceps AND a warm earwash later, and I don't think he'll be sticking paper OR crumbs anywhere but his pockets from now on (he'd better not)!

Age 5.

[he was so small then!]

Age 6.

We have no idea how this happened, but oh, man, watching your child succeed, and seeing HIM swell with pride and excitement... it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt. I was most proud of his attitude, and those of his fellow Scouts, though. When their own cars weren’t racing, they were cheering each other on.

Age 7. We're going to start it off with a bang, try out a new bike, go to TACO MAC (your favorite), and celebrate YOU all weekend. And then we'll see what happens next. Happy birthday, my amazing, sensitive, serious, articulate, adorable boy (who knows how to swim)! There's nothing better than watching you grow.

quick takes!

Grateful for these moments

It was a real three-day weekend, and we didn't travel anywhere, so we got to enjoy the full 72 hours' worth, with no major time-sucking activities like driving. Such a blessing!

Friday night: We had been telling the kids all week we would go to the new frozen yogurt place for Friday's D-Word Night. (Dessert, for the uninitiated.) And we did, and it was delicious, and non-eventful, and I think everyone was in a good mood!

Saturday: We went to the pool in the morning, got the kids well tired out, and even got some laps swum, ourselves. KT saw another couple of little girls there, and immediately wanted to swim over to them. I'm always concerned about bothering other people, but she is such a social butterfly! I'm curious how that will mesh with my own introvertedness as she gets older...

Dinner at one of our favorite restaurants (at suggestion of which AJ whined, "but we ALWAYS GO THERE!!" - luckily, we talked him down), with funny conversation and delicious pizza.

Sunday: Another restaurant outing -- brunch after Mass, at IHOP. I love going out to breakfast and we hardly ever do it.

Later, a leisurely pedicure for Mommy, during which I finished my book, and a grocery run With No Kids (you guys know what a gift that is). Just being able to set my purse down in the kid-seat, rather than keeping it on my shoulder, is such a relief!

Monday: Our city's 4th of July parade -- we got a pretty decent spot in the shade, found parking nearby (for $5.00, but still), wore our patriotic tee-shirts and waved flags! I got SO, SO teary as the parade started. Just the charm of being at a parade with my little family, I guess, must have brought back childhood memories of doing that, myself, as a kid... and then when all the Veterans marched by and shook the hand of the elderly vet (he was wearing a VFW hat) standing near us... I couldn't take it. Pride and patriotism and nostalgia all bubbled up to the surface and I let go like a leaky faucet.

Monday night: Tucking two very tired kids into their beds, and knowing that even though it was rumbling thunder outside, they would sleep well after all our activities. I love kissing those sweet little heads of theirs.

Wordy

Well, then. I don’t believe I have ever gone an entire June without first whining extensively on the blog about WHEN IS MY VACATION GOING TO START???, and then subsequently reminiscing about our lovely vacation that happened completely offline.

This year I was not stressed about preparing for the trip (except that one day), nor worried that Beach Week would never get here. I was too busy at work to loll about on the Internet with my THOUGHTS. I was entering product, entering product, entering product. Furiously proofreading. Furiously changing and translating. Attending meeting after meeting. My part of the Big Project is coming to an end and I can already start to feel the familiar loll-about desire. Hence my presence today, I suppose. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like I could write a blog post for FUN during the day! But I have been reading all of yours for quick mental breaks, and on my phone when waiting for water to boil for dinner and such.

At any rate, our vacation. Was terrifically lovely. When I told my girlfriends the other night that I ACTUALLY read my book on the beach while there with KT, they all gasped. Moms with kids this age simply don’t GET to read on the beach, do we? I gather it’s a universal complaint. Admittedly, it was only KT there with me – 1 kid is less to manage than 2, aren’t I good at math? She was very serene, happy to be SITTING in the sand, digging a little bit, pouring it into her bucket of water, and I guess “building” sand castles.
I would get up every 5 minutes or so to re-fill her bucket from the surf, because she certainly wasn’t interested in the water. In fact, she was quite fearful of its loud volume. So it really WASN’T leisurely, uninterrupted reading... but it WAS reading. On the beach. It was awesome.

Also, AMAZING progress on the swimming front. Amazing. AJ is now able to doggie-paddle from one end of the pool to the other, with no floatation device (or parent) to assist!! Feels like a miracle, to be honest. We worked actively with him at my parents’ pool – it’s so helpful that their shallow end is truly shallow, and his short-kid feet could touch the bottom! It boosted his confidence tremendously. He is a bit of a fish now, and during our week away he was even eager to swim all the way to the DEEP END. I’m curious to see him at the neighborhood pool this weekend. But still, it helps my nerves a lot that he KNOWS to KICK his feet and he will move through the water. (I still try to stay pretty close.)

We returned home last Saturday buzzing with sunshine and relaxation (and Cajun food), and I think as a result of all the relaxing, had a big, philosophical conversation (DH and me) during the drive about improving our attitudes. Not worrying about money and time so much, and making sure we do fun things with the kids on purpose, with good attitudes, not grumbling every step of the way. I felt so good about that conversation. Because really, what do we have to be unhappy about? Nothing in the world. We should live and enjoy the everyday as well as the vacation-day, because we truly CAN if we just try. We held hands and really agreed. Smiled about it, even.

And then Sunday DH discovered that our water line from the street to the house was leaking. And has been for a couple of months. We got an estimate for fix it, to the tune of a LOT OF dollars. So that put a damper on the whole “Good Attitude” thing.

Last night we were all either grumpy or snippy. The kids were driving me KER-AZY and I know it had everything to do with this newly discovered, albeit temporary, stress. Doggone it, Universe. We would have liked to ride that Serenity wave a bit longer.

Although I will say it's not all the ADULTS' attitudes' faults: AJ is copping some capital-A Attitude in his own right. Exerting his independence and such, with phrases like “I don’t care,” and “This is so Stupid” under his breath. Delightful. I presume this is normal for his age, especially after being away on his own for a week at Grandma’s. He is so cool now. But still. Oh, and WHAT IS IT with little boys – or mine, specifically – that makes him think he can JUMP onto me if I am 1. Sitting on the floor, or 2. Bent forward so that my back is somewhat flat, like if I’m picking up HIS shoes or toys??! I about killed him last night after he attempted to launch himself onto my neck for the umpteenth time. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU MOMMY IS NOT A JUNGLE GYM!?)

Tranquil to NOT SO MUCH in 7 paragraphs. Not really. Things are fine. What have you been up to this summer? :)

Happy, Dopey, or Sleepy?

I took a nap at lunch today, in my car. After doing my required errand-of-the-day at Target (new swim floaties for KT, and dog treats). I parked under a tree and set my iPhone alarm for 18 minutes, the exact amount of time I had until my lunch hour was over. Not that anyone watches my timecard, but I like to be honest about working my 8 hours, you know. The weather was surprisingly NOT as humid as usual for Atlanta in mid-June, and I wished for more breezes through my open windows, but didn't really get them. No matter -- I knew the warmth and stillness might help me sleep. I breathed in.... breathed out...

I've also just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love, and am feeling very romantic about the idea of meditation, and the heightened meditative state. A blue-ish light, surrounded by love and happiness and all that? Intriguing. I would like to experience that, perhaps. (Not to mention the stress relief, fear relief, and other health benefits.) I suspect I may never achieve the deepest state of meditation, even much of a buzz, and even if I practiced for a long, long time -- I would simply fall asleep. That's what I do. At this point I probably believe that the blissed-out state that happens for other people is a form of sleep-state. Twilight-sleep, or something. At any rate, I'm fascinated by the idea right now (call me a hippie) and trying to translate it into Christian Contemplative, centering prayer, or daily devotional stuff that I can better wrap my head around, to find a starting point for a little study and trial. I mean, I know a little about the secular breathing meditations you can find by Googling "Meditation for beginners." Imagine you're in a place of calm, beauty, and peace for you...

Anyway, today I took a little nap. :)

Surprise 70th birthday!

We got back yesterday from a quickie trip to Florida, to honor my Dad on his 70th birthday. It was my sister's idea, actually. She called me several weeks ago and said, "So... Dad's birthday this year is a big one... I think we should do something." From there it was easy. DH and I were planning to handoff AJ for his Week at Grandma/pa's the very weekend of Dad's birthday -- or, we hadn't exactly planned it, but we did it that same week last year -- so we could just stay, ourselves, and have a party!

It worked out pretty well that Sister's husband has recently graduated from culinary school, and they've bought a catering business. Free catering?! Ding ding ding! Yes, please, I'll take two. :)

Sister and Chef Brother in Law arrived last Thursday night, and with help from some handy cousins picking them up at the airport, they showed up on Mom and Dad's doorstep around 10:30 that night. Knock, knock. Dad was, I'm told, completely befuddled at seeing them -- he'd been sleeping in front of the TV, naturally, and besides that, they live all the way across the country. I was a little bummed not to be a physical part of the surprise, but I know they TOLD him that we would arrive the following night, all 4 of us, and that's good enough for me.

The kids were so excited up to our leaving town, and even moreso once we got there. They hardly ever get to see this aunt and uncle, and of course they love their grandparents. We left after work Friday, arriving LATE, but the kids had napped in the car and were ready to GO once we got there. (That night KT was awake until 1:15. And then up the next morning at 6! GAH!) We invited cousins and neighbors and got a cake, and Saturday night was full of life and festivity. Lots of kids to entertain each other, which meant that, for the most part, DH and I could simply enjoy the company of our family. And the (wine and) FOOD! Chef BIL worked ALL DAY to made a gorgeous table full of fancy appetizers and shortbread cookies oh my! It was decadent and very special for such a special occassion.

Dad was in his element -- he loves a social event, and even though he wasn't allowed to be in charge of the planning and executing, which he also loves, I think he truly had a good time. He kept thanking us for "sacrificing" to come down and do this for him, but no part of it felt like a sacrifice to me. We swam in their pool both days, we let the grandkids charm everyone, we spent time actually talking after the party was over... it was wonderful to all be together, and for all he's done for us, he deserves a celebration like that every year!

Shouldn't summer be LESS hectic?

Hello.

I've been putting off posting because I have wanted the next post to be THE BEFORE and AFTER of our kitchen. I owe you! I love the new look. I WANT to share! But then when I'm at home with my laptop and my pictures, I never have the juice to do that task. Maybe tonight? (Don't get your hopes up.)

Summer's awesome, right? Summer's all relaxing and no homeworking and wonderful easy, light dinners, later than usual because it's still sunny out at 7:30 pm. Right? Except summer's kinda busy, too. We just got back from our annual Memorial Day road trip to Nanny's, we are taking AJ down to his grandparents' house this weekend, and then the next is OUR week off at the beach, and meanwhile, Stupid Work is ramped up to eleven and there seems to be another birthday party , with another GIFT to buy dagnabit, every weekend. And we have to plan our own AJ's party and get invites sent BEFORE we go out of town, because his falls right after we return. Gah! Not that I ever get stressed out or anything.

Camp is going well -- AJ is occupied all day, having fun with friends, and runs into his sister sometimes. They both love seeing each other at school. I asked him, theoretically, if he'd prefer 1) Me working at home so he could play all day at home (with friends, of course), and we'd go to the pool Every Day of Summer, or 2) Camp (at the daycare). He chose Camp. I'm fascinated. I would have chosen POOL EVERY DAY when I was a kid. Of course, my kid's not yet a confident swimmer (although he's getting better and better). A friend told me her two kids reported the same: Camp. This generation wants to be occupied and entertained, I suppose. And that's fine... it just doesn't match up to the lazy, "I'm BORED" kind of (wonderful) summers I remember, with Green Acres on TV and the public library's summer reading program.

We have been to the neighborhood pool twice now. I love it. I'm so happy we paid the $400 Association fee to join it. I mean, yeah, that was a painful check to write, but having pool access is just awesome. Even if I DON'T get to sit in a lounge chair with my book. It's because KT won't wear her floaties so I'm nervous about her being in the water without me, and AJ is still just getting his feet wet (pun!) about swimming. I'm unsure what would happen if he let go of the pool noodle, and imagining that gives me nightmares, literally. The other night I bolted awake TWICE because in my dream it was time to JUMP over and save him from drowning. Ack. I hope I'll get over this fear someday -- it's a doozie. Tell me I'll get over it. Please.

My birthday this weekend was lovely. Facebook was partly to thank with its 120-something wishes! I loved checking in every so often, and I got random greetings from so many fun people from my past. My college chorus director! My theater friend from 1990! My buddy who lives in Antarctica and said he wished he worked with me right now, so we could have a "professional brithday party." (Cake in the conf. room) Hahahahaha! Marvelous! DH gave me a sweet card, in which he wrote that I'm "his good ol' gal," hee hee, a little pet phrase that I adore (and hate, but really adore), and he went out at 8:00 am to buy me coffee from Starbucks. I almost refused him that, but thought - NO! He wants to pamper me this morning, I WILL TAKE IT!! So sweet. He also gave me 2 tickets to see Guys and Dolls downtown in August, and I am THRILLED about that. It's one of my favorites. He'll have to endure a musical ("people don't just BREAK INTO SONG, it's unnatural"), but I hope he'll think it's worth it when he sees me so happy -- and besides, a NIGHT OUT to look forward to! Superb gift.

Stories

I went to a baby shower this weekend. I never feel like I get just the perfect thing, although I typically purchase directly off the registry for both wedding and baby showers, because that ensures that it’s something they officially want, right? You scanned it, don’t complain! But there were several unexpected adorable presents – or really practical presents – and I was disappointed with my contribution. The Mom-to-be is a good friend and I’m really excited she’s joining the Mommy club... I guess I’m just going to have to supplement this shower with another random gift sometime soon. It’s nice to have an excuse to buy baby stuff! I kinda miss that ol’ Babies R Us. If you can believe this, not a single 3-pack of Carter’s onesies was in the pile. So I’ll start with that (practical!).

***

Here was our Saturday:

9:00 am vet appointment (DH, kids, dog)

(I stayed behind to shower and then clean the bathroom)

11:30 am baby shower (me)

12:00 pm bday party at Bouncy Place (DH, kids)

3:00 pm playdate with church friend and her 2 kids

6:00 pm Girls’ Night Out (me)

6:15 pm McDonald’s, movie night (DH, kids)

DH said he enjoyed all that time with the little ones, and I'm so grateful to him for not being a Saturday golfer. (How do the golf widows do it??) And I very much enjoyed my GNO. I know I say, a lot, how I don’t feel like I have good girlfriends here. But look at that... three entirely different events with different GIRL friends. Maybe my lot is changing. The GNO was with 3 fellow school moms. One of them even said, “Think how many of these nights we have to look forward to! Our kids are just starting out!” Awwww. It’s true love. I know this will sound inordinately dumb, but I finally felt like one of the popular girls. And of course feelings and friendships will change and develop, who knows, but for this one night, I was there. My heart was full and my cheeks tired from laughing. It’s exactly what I’ve wished for.

PLUS, they have girl uniforms to hand down, they promised. YESSSSSSS!

***

KT has been SO much better about staying in her bed. Well, as I type that I’m remembering that I ended up in AJ’s bed on Friday night because she had taken over, perpendicularly, in mine. But still, it’s not every night anymore. She shared a little gem with DH sometime on Saturday – told him that he snores. (And he does, if he’s on his back. Sorry, hon!) Unfortunately, I was not immune to her opinions, either. When asked, “What does Mommy do?” she cunningly replied, “What Mommy does in the bed is I don’t like your STINKY BREATH.”

Lovely. Called out as a mouth-breather by my own daughter.

Time to Tend Them

It was one of those weekends where I felt really good about spending so much time with the kids. We really were able to focus on them, which is great for any family, but especially for a 2-working-parents one. DH and AJ went out Saturday morning to see THOR IN 3D – and came home speaking like that, in all caps, by the way, calling me “MAIDEN” and “WOMAN.” Heh, heh. That left KT and me some nice girl-time to get haircuts and go shopping. One of my buddies chided me for that, saying, “You’re starting her on that already??!” ...UM, YES. Actually she didn’t want to get her hair cut after we got there, but I did, and she sat patiently with my iPhone, playing her games (Princess dress up and the Sorting game from Toddler Teasers are her current favorites). What did kids DO before iPhones, I ask you?!

During our lunch (McDonald's, her choice), KT said something directly to me like, “This is Fun, Mommy. We’re having Fun.” I can’t recall the exact words but it was so sweet. Sometimes she tacks on “..because I love you” to her sentences (“You have to hold me [whine] because I love you.”) – she may have done that. “This is fun, Mommy, because I love you.” It’s clearly the most adorable thing you’ve ever heard, and it absolutely made my day. Even though she later pitched a hissy fit over not getting to push the buttons on the card-swiper at Target (eyeroll), and was swiftly buckled back into her carseat and told something disciplinary.

Saturday afternoon we went to a last hurrah cookout at AJ’s baseball coach’s home. I feel like we’re more socially engaged with this couple than with any of our other friends (until football season, when our Good Friends invite us over nearly every weekend to watch a game) – but I’m not sure I want to continue putting time into the friendship. Lots of reasons that I don’t feel like explaining – mostly about the coaching style. On the other hand – without other nearby couple-friendship options, I should be grateful, shouldn’t I? Tend the friendship and count my blessings. I was happy on Saturday when the wife called me casually and I was able to help her out with the menu – it was like, something actual girlfriends do. I have so little of that in my daily life. It’s weird.

At any rate, it’s definitely our turn to have this family over for dinner, so that will have to be in the works, if nothing else. What do you do for couple-friendships? Date-nights with one spouse or the others’ co-workers? Leftover friends from high school or college? Neighbors? Church groups? Do tell.

New skills

I have 10 minutes unaccounted for, right now, during my day. This is a good thing; I’m reading a productivity book whose first concept blew my mind: Managing your life from a to-do list is overwhelming; Why not manage your life from a 24-hour Calendar instead, since that’s all the time you have in the day?

I have long managed everything with a weekly to-do list. I’ve loved having my spiral notebook at the ready at all time, have loved writing “May 9-13” at the top of the page, have loved numbering and checking off items on that list.

But this new thought – that there are too many to-dos, and putting them all on a list is counterproductive – has really changed my thinking. I’m still in the setup phase of this, but now every morning I open my Outlook Calendar instead, and order my day by hours or half-hours, and specific tasks. “Work on X website, 1 hour.” “Check emails, half-hour.” “Lunch and walk.” “Prep for 1:30 mtg.” It’s been very helpful.

Especially when, 2 weeks ago, I agreed to a freelance project that was due the week after having my parents visit, and also the week after baseball playoffs. I keep calling it The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done. (But it was a good mental exercise; I acutally enjoyed the work itself.) I ended up scheduling time to work on it in my personal calendar, got it done late at night and turned it in on time – but there was one rough day when I stayed up until midnight, and had to get up at 5 am. I was completely buzzed that day on coffee and fog.

Eh, I survived it. That's what we do. (It's good money I'd like to use on clothes and shoes, and maybe even put some in savings.)

One minute left. I’m so glad school's about to end, although summer brings its own challenges. We’re getting ready to do our annual road trips. I like accomplishing things. I’d like to accomplish that walk today at noon.

That’s it for now.

Sticks

You know what I love about my little kids? Their attraction to sticks.

I’m unsure but I think most kids are like this. Or, maybe it’s just that our yard and our neighborhood are filled with huge old poplars and sycamores, and they self-prune, so every time we have a little rain – or a season of crazy thunderstorms and tornadoes every year – we wake up the next day to a lawnful of sticks, but… (run-on)… my kids cannot resist them.

I remember 18-month- and 2-year-old AJ wanting to Pick Up Sticks nearly every time we went outdoors. He could hold more than I expected him to, and lovingly “helped Daddy” whenever I asked, toting his load all the way down to the burn pile. We spent a lot of time in the yard that year. And now, he uses them as swords, ninja ... things I don't even know, Indiana Jones whips... whatever his little mind conjures up.

Yesterday, KT and I were home on a sick-day. It was a beautiful 70-degree afternoon, so we went outside for a while at her request. I started cleaning up the twigs from this past Tuesday’s downpour, and she was game to help. Until she found “her” stick – one just long enough for her to carry over her shoulder like a fishing pole, and coincidentally, long enough to poke into the rabbit holes to “see if they were sleeping.” When she dropped her special stick to inspect some other rock or clover, and then couldn’t find it again, we had to instigate a full-on hunt. (We found it, not to worry.)

They’ve both been told more than once that we don’t bring sticks into the house. (Unfortunately.) I mean, I understand how awesome they are, I really do – I usually tell the kids to save them by the outdoor table, or near the garage, for the next time we come to play, but they forget or move on to a new one.

Some kids pick up rocks, I guess. We like sticks.

Lame and lamer

Our Thursday anniversary might have been called “lame” by the casual observer. I emailed DH a grocery list at around 3:00, for Pete’s sake, so he could stop on the way home from work to pick up Pop Tarts and chicken breasts. (You don’t want to run out of Pop Tarts!) And we had the Most Boring of Family Dinners: Spaghetti with meat sauce. I guess you could say we’ve “made” it – we really ARE ten years in, as evidenced by those items. Of course I did also receive 2 dozen roses at my office, and a pretty Pandora bracelet, which I don’t think DH even knew was something I’ve been wanting. He is an excellent gift-giver.

The next night, we did have a babysitter (scheduled long in advance). We were planning to go downtown to the restaurant where we’d dined the night he proposed. Except… that restaurant is now closed. Hahaha. It’s perfect, actually – the place we met has also since been demolished, the shop where I bought my wedding dress gone, the church where we were married is no longer a church building... why not this place, too!? But our marriage has stood the test of time, my friend pointed out. Anyway, we stayed very close to home, instead. Had a nice dinner out with no one to escort to the potty, and no crayons on the table. Afterwards, we tried going to a movie, but there was nothing we were particularly interested in seeing, so we opted to drive around a bit and then just went home.

Lame? Maybe. Tired? Always, on Fridays. But I think it’s quite special that we can celebrate even the smallest of things – a dinner when we can actually talk, and think, and share a bite of each others’ choices – and have that be good enough.

I’ve been fighting a cold the last 4 days, which has added to my less-than-social desire to do nothing. I have a lot of respect for the creators of DayQuil, seriously. Yesterday after I realized it had been 4 hours and was perfectly legitimate for me to take another dose, my fog lifted SO NOTICEABLY! I mean, it’s pretty amazing that there’s no cure for the common cold but they sure know how to zap the symptoms.

Okay, I owe you people some before and after pictures, because our painting project is just about completed. First, may I just say that it is SO HARD to get a good shot of these rooms! I have no desire for a fancy camera because I don't feel like I could ever learn about F-stops and aperture and all that, but... whimper. I wish I could get my point-n-shoot to PERFORM better. So these are kinda lame. I plan to go back to take pictures during the day sometime soon with natural light. Also, I am NOT FINISHED decorating! Therefore I can only show you the den right now - the kitchen is not yet ready for public eyes. Also-also, I didn't actually TAKE official "before" photos because the state of the house went directly from we-live-here-messy to painting-project-disarray, so my random shot from 2008 will have to suffice.

Here is how the den looked before:
(Tee hee. Funny husband playing with AJ's Hulk Smash! hands.) Floral border and cornflower blue, blech.

And here is after.
Labrador on the bottom, and Hopsack on top, both by Valspar. This is just to the left of where DH is sitting in the above photo.

I don't know - can you tell how much better this is? I hope so. It's much, much better. More to come!