7 Quick Takes - 20-year reunion edition

(Watch out, two posts in one week!)

1. So, the thing about reunions and high school classmates is that they're like your brothers and sisters, really. I mean, they're so far planted into the fabric of who you are, and where you've been, and how you relate to the world. Before the reunion, I was trying to figure out WHY we feel the need to reunite with people we only hung around for 4 years. I thought, I have Facebook, I don't really need to see these people in person, many of whom I didn't even like all that much back then, and I don't know who I'm even going to talk to. But after the reunion, where I didn't ever feel the need to include last names when introducing people to my husband -- "This is Edward ___ wasn't necessary -- it's just Edward. I mean, you know -- Ed! From my LIFE." -- I get it now. We get together because they're part of us, whether or not we want them to be.

2. Especially coming from a small Catholic school like mine. We all laughed about wearing name tags. Really? We need these? There were only 88 of us. We didn't have the kind with yearbook photos, thank goodness, but still. I suppose they're for the spouses, mostly. Apparently, late at the Friday night event, which we missed because we were still driving into town, the name tags of the absent people got passed around, even to some random strangers who were at the same bar where the class was gathered. Such a typical thing for the jokers from my class to do. When they told me about it the next night, they said they had given mine to some young 20-something and told her a little about me... and then she went ahead and looked me up on Facebook on her phone. And I HAD gotten a very random friend request that night (I was checking my phone while we drove, to see photos from the event; there weren't many.) I ignored it like I do all weird friend requests, but now I know what it was!

3. Lots of people DO NOT CHANGE.

4. Some people do, however. The person I talked to the most, probably, was a person I talked to only a handful of times during school (but he's part of my BEING!). He was too cool then, not in the popular athlete kind of way, but in the popular-alternative-music-and-extreme-sarcasm way. Wait, those people weren't the popular ones in your school? They were, in mine. (So were the athletes, but the alt-music crowd was a different kind of cool, altogether.) Anyway, he's now a stay-at-home dad (!), homeschooling his two boys, doesn't drink at all (!), and still playing music, now in a local country band "because that's where the money is." He said all their dreams and inspirations went out the window once they got older and now playing music is "all business." HA! HAHA! 

5. I started thinking, this morning, about our principal. She's been there 25 years+. She was the only nun at our school (nun shortage, you know) and... we all really hated her. But now I can't really remember when we, as students, ever talked with her or how she appeared in our daily lives. I mean, I know she was in charge, she had a reputation for being "mean," and she did used to walk the halls sometimes, but it isn't like she taught classes -- she mostly stayed in her office. I bet she would have been a good moderator for clubs and things... but she didn't do that. I bet deep down, she's led quite a lonely life, actually. I bet she knew the cruel names we all called her. (Adults, I know now, aren't stupid.) I think I need to add her to my daily (or, my whenever I remember) prayer list. I wonder how long she'll stay there?

6. Some people REALLY change. The sister of one of our classmates who has passed away (I say that for MB's benefit), turns out to be a really good, interesting, kind person. She and her mom attended our events and I'm so glad they did.

7. They had a photobooth.With props (not seen in this pic).

Thunderstorms, chocolate, and a secret

Funny story: Last night after putting the kids to bed, I went back downstairs as I typically do. Even KT knows, and tells me in our "goodnight" routine, to go "do laundry, do dishes, then to bed. Tell Daddy I was a good girl. I love you, too, sweet dreams." That's our speech. She repeats it to me every night. Anyway, last night it wasn't a laundry night, but I needed to do some work on the computer. I was also hungry. My portioned-out dinner (1/2 chicken breast, 1/2 c. green beans, salad, and 1 crescent roll) just hadn't satisfied me. There was also a chocolate need I wanted to accept and acknowledge. You know I've been working on my zen... Be present in this very moment. Well, in this very moment my brain said, CHOCOLATE. Who am I to disregard that? 


So I pulled out one of these little gems, Baker's microwaveables. Have you had these? (Not being paid by them.) They KEEP in the fridge! Re-use whenever you're being especially present in a moment! They are so handy. I set the container, some graham crackers, and some marshmallows out on the kitchen table and I had myself a little dessert feast. SO YUMMY. I didn't sit with it, but walked by it every few minutes and nibbled a little. A dessert buffet for one.


And then the thunder started. DH went upstairs first, to calm the troops while I tried to finish up on the laptop. But when that giant branch flung itself into the side of the house -- the side that just happens to contain AJ's room -- all bets were off and they came tearing back downstairs to cower under my couch blanket.


I thought they had moved fast enough to avoid the sight of my spread, and at first, they had. No mention of it was made, only the mention of the lightning they saw, and the hail that was beating down on the roof. ("Who's 'Hail?'" asked KT.) I sat with them on the couch, patting backs and making soothing noises (I hope), and trying to keep them from looking in the general direction of the kitchen. I made big eyes at DH and pointed to my stuff, back there, and asked him to please sweep it away before it was too late and we were serving 2nd dinner to a couple of already-brushed-teeth kids. He did, but I think they saw. I think they know the secret truth now...


WE HAVE MORE FUN, AND SOMETIMES DESSERT, AFTER YOU GO TO SLEEP.

7 Quick Takes relative to nearly nothing

1.  We saw the new Spiderman movie last night. (On a weeknight! We didn't even go home after work, just simply met at the theater!) Both my husband and I -- he a devoted Marvel Comics fan since childhood, me a reluctant but now immersed present-day fan -- thought that they did a fantastic job with the re-boot. You didn't think Tobey MacGuire could be bested as nerdy Peter Parker? Neither did I. But I have to say, Andrew Garfield definitely gave the character more nerd. DH said, "I was jealous of his hair." Hahaha. Anyway, if you're a Marvel devotee, you will probably enjoy the film. It's somewhat darker than the Sam Raimi version, but I thought that the girlfriend, the family relationships and the music, in particular, were more beautiful.


2.  One of the things I've been struggling with professionally is just my lack of friends in the office. And a problem of our modrun-day-soci-uhtee, which is that we're all too damn busy (read: doing the jobs of 3 people) to chit-chat (read: get to KNOW each other) during the day, or take lunches very often, or have any fun. Blah. Even with those restrictions, though, I'd be happier if I had more than ONE person to call a buddy. One person to tell weekend stories with. One person I go to lunch with. And she's my manager so sometimes, she's not the perfect candidate but she's all I got. Suppose I should spend more time being grateful for HER.

3.  In June, we signed on to my company's health insurance instead of DH's, and guess what -- it costs HALF as much. This is another thing I'm having a hard time reconciling -- I'd love to seek out a different gig, but I hate to give up this brand-new benefit that's going to save me so much money this year! Kinda stupid logic, I know, and I guess no reason to stay miserable, if I am, in fact, miserable, but... still. I'm not quite miserable yet.

4. Let's switch gears to talk about the fact that TONIGHT I get to see my kiddos! We have LOVED having this week to ourselves. Morning-time, alone, has been worth having those two away for a week! So calm! So easy! Wake up, shower, get dressed, make coffee... don't talk if you don't feel like it! There's a lot of talking going on when they're home in the mornings. However, I do look forward to having them back. The household personality has been reduced by a large margin and ohmygosh, do I need some AJ and KT hugs. I don't think I'd even mind some constantly-shared details about the latest level of Pokemon.


5. What do I wear to my 20-year HS reunion this weekend, Internet?? Nah, just kidding. Of all the cliche mom-blog topics. I'd show you what I'm considereing, but I can't find, online, the items I bought last week at the Talbot's outlet. One is a silk tank-top with capris, the other is a casual dress (not black). Trying to remember to just be myself, and that we're too old to judge each other based on clothing. We're attending the Saturday "family" beach event (who decided this? Are we supposed to wear swimsuits? The invite says bring towels. I'd like to kick the asses of the planners if so, and I will probably wear shorts), and the Saturday night adults-only party. Skipping the school tour Sunday morning, although that would be fun. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about afterwards. Naturally I have a new zit today.


6. Going home at lunch is simply one of my favorite things. Especially when it contains these three things: Wrapping presents for my widdle boy who will be EIGHT on Sunday (!!!); eating a VIRTUOUS salad of kidney beans, green peppers, tomatoes and Italian dressing for lunch; and watching Wimbledon! That is how it went down today, and it has added quite a bit to my overall assessment of this long Friday.


7.  The things for which I am responsible at my office are not in any way related to life or death. So if that email doesn't get designed/sent today, it's not that big of a deal. If that website isn't updated until Monday, no one will really notice (truly, just about no one will). If those magazine samples aren't mailed out, Who Cares? This kind of freedom is one thing I do appreciate about my job.


Don't miss http://www.conversiondiary.com/ for the Queen of Quick Takes!

Good weeks, lame blog posts

I feel compelled to report that we had a nice vacation, as always. It was even better this year because the kids actually enjoyed the beach, and played carefree in the waves and sand, like normal people! Until this year it's always been toddler-like fits over the feel of the sand and being too scared to go near the water, which, in my opinion, is the only thing that makes being at a beach in the summertime pleasant -- the fact that there's cool water immediately available. We sat together at the water's edge, being regularly cooled by those waves, trying to build sand mountains and knowing they would continue to get knocked down. And trying again. It's a very zen way to sit. :)

We got pink, and then tan, and breathed in as much of that good, clean vacation air as we could. 

This week both the kids are staying at my parents' house. We are all alone, DH and I! We are going to go to a movie on a weeknight! We have eaten delicious Asian food two nights in a row! Bliss! The house is so quiet, though. It's odd. I know they're having fun, extending their vacation. We had to come back to work, but because my H.S. reunion is next weekend, we can go back down to Florida on Friday to pick the kids up.

Yesterday my mind was still fuzzy and I eased back into the work mindset (by scrolling through a lot of Facebook). Thankfully my actual tasks were kept at bay with two meetings and a coworker lunch. Today, however, I'm starting to feel stressed about all the things on my proverbial to-do lists, work and home, although I try not to write those anymore, and particularly not multiple ones. I am also feeling renewed job-angst (you: shocker). Glad that at least tomorrow is a day off! That's nice to come home to. It can't all be blogged here, I guess, and it's a shame, because when I'm feeling stressy and sometimes down, I think I write better posts.

For now, this lame little update will have to suffice. Maybe I can break the angst down into specific chunks and write just about those in the near future. Hmm.  

Zen things

These are my zen goals (I guess that's a little bit of an oxymoron) for next week's vacation:

1. Breathe in the good, warm salt air and experience morningtime, my favorite time of day.
2. Have breakfast on the porch.
3. Play games with my kids. Football-throwing in the pool, card games on coffee tables, sand castles and digging on the beach, wave chasing at the water's edge, mini-golf across the street.
4. Share quiet evenings with my husband. Maybe a moonlight walk. :)
5. Make each day last longer by being fully present in, and grateful for, as many moments as I can.
6. Give thanks and appreciation for each person I am with, and make an effort to be with all of them.
7. Read, and maybe nap.
8. Eat mindfully and drink plenty of water. 
9. Enjoy the happy buzz of a sweet cocktail or two.
10. Practice yoga, and enjoy some cardio (what a concept!) in the water each day.

We leave tomorrow morning. I'm going to attempt to stay away from the lure of those  iPhone Apps, especially during the day. Head up! Look at the scenery! I'll catch you guys on the other side.

Time for wishing it were so...

I absolutely have an idealized memory of my summer vacations as a kid - a whole lot of doing nothing, jumping on the trampoline, playing with the neighbors, "free as a bird" free time. And watching TV.

But Swistle's awesome Summer Regimens post yesterday made me remember what I wanted to write about summertime activities. First of all, in my comment over there, I said I distinctly remember piano practice being the one summer activity I had to do that felt like work. I know my Mom didn't force the issue -- she was not a Tiger Mom -- but I do remember thinking, "It's summer! I shouldn't HAVE to do anything!" when it came to music practice. (There was probably violin practice required in there somewhere, which I hated infinitely more than piano practice.)

I loved reading books, doing the library's summer programs, vacation bible school, playing tennis and swimming lessons.

What I wanted to write about summertime was: I am SO GLAD sometimes that I don't have to entertain my kids every day of the summer! I would totally put them in the least expensive daycamps I could find, as often as possible, because GAH! They're bad enough on Saturdays and Sundays! I would have to think of things like daily worksheet time (thank goodness for printables), and once a week experiments (which would likely just be "baking"), and I think I WOULD have to institute certain times of day for certain things. Like chores! OH YES, I would institute chores-time. And TV-time, all other time being NO TV-time.

My kids are whiners, that's for sure, and if they weren't in daycare/camp, they would whine about being boooooooored. I am certain of it. 

The more I think about it, the more exact my plan starts to become. And I guess this would have been true if I had been a stay-at-home Mom before my kids were in school. (KT starts pre-K this fall so the time for my wishing it were so is effectively over. Can you believe that?) I really would have -- I've always said this -- been a meticulous planner about our schedules. Possibly too much.

So maybe, after all these years, looking back, I'm thankful for having been a working mom.(Maybe.)

Rules for Dads

Here's another fantastic post about Being a Great Dad by Leo Babauta.

Excerpt: There are only three things you need to do to be a great dad:

1. Be there. If you’re in their lives, you rock. If you’re there when they scrape their knee, lose their first tooth, need someone to cry to, need help with their school project, want a partner for playing house or hide-and-seek... you are already being a great dad. Be there, when they need you, and when they don’t.

2. Love them. They will know you love them, if you love them fully. It will show in your smile, in your touch, in your good-morning hugs. But also tell them on a regular basis. Infuse all your dad actions with love.

3. Be present. It’s great to be in the same room with them, but as much as you can afford to, be fully present with them. Shut off the mobile device, close the laptop, turn off the TV, and really pay attention. Listen to their long fragmented stories. Really watch when they want to show off their new wizard or ninja move.

The best thing about these rules? They can be applied to Moms, too. The 2nd-best thing: My kids' Dad already knows them by instinct.

Thanks for being you, DH, and for sacrificing your Father's Day to drive us safely on the highway yesterday.

Oh, those 'Dallas' Friday nights

Man, I LOVED the Dallas reboot Wednesday night. I didn't watch the second hour but it's definitely waiting for me -- and now on Series Record -- on the DVR.

We spent Friday nights watching the show when I was a kid, as a family, which I find so funny now because I wouldn't let my kids watch such a show! But at the time that's what was available, and besides, my mom was born and raised in Big D, and we were Texans, and that was the end of any argument, not that there ever was one.

I loved how they re-filmed the opening sequence, almost exactly like the original but in HD, with that awesome theme song. I got chills. (Should I be embarrassed?) And the aerial shots of Southfork still looked the same -- those yellow and white striped awnings in the back!! the SF logo!! -- and the soap opera-y twists and turns and crazy plot devices were so expected, and yet still fun. It's campy, but I think it's in a good way. I can see getting sick of that as it goes on, but for the first episode, it was the perfect nod to the "olden days."

I thought the younger actors were great, although I think they cast the girlfriends with too much brunette. Have they never been to Texas? Texas has blondes and I imagine John Ross and Christopher would be the type of guys who insist on blond-hair-blue-eyes. Duh. Unless they're having mommy-issues, since both of their moms... well, anyway. I had a hard time keeping up with which brunette was which.

And dear, sweet, good Bobby. He was ...one of my first celebrity crushes. (Aaaannnnd I'll never hear the end of THAT from DH.) ;)

Of course, my mom and her sister were devotees back in the day; they had taken us kids to visit the "Southfork" house during one of our trips to Dallas. Another time, when I was around ten, we heard that they were filming the Cattle Barons' Ball (they mentioned it Weds. night, too!) in a local hotel and we drove right over there to see who we could see. We had a blast. I think we saw Patrick Duffy, I know we saw Victoria Principal and Christopher Atkins (later seasons!) and had pictures taken with them, and we were told that my cousin Tom got a private audience with Larry Hagman himself -- he was the only boy in the group of 6 kids, and someone with the crew took him down the hall to a room where Hagman evidently was waiting for his next appearance on set. All of us kids were just in AWE -- TOMMY MET J.R.!!!! The rest of us never saw him but I smiled last night, when he finally got up out of his chair, that million-dollar J.R. grin still recognizable.

It doesn't feel quite right on a Wednesday, but everything else about it was awesome.

p.s. Thanks to my mom, I found this article, an excellent interview with Patrick Duffy! Reading that just makes me happy. :)

Tweet I liked

Hee hee.

Summer begins

Yesterday we got a postcard from AJ and it absolutely made my day. He has been away at summer camp for 89:28 hours and I do miss him! His postcard says he is having "SO much fun." Underlined. :)

The whole experience has been great for the Mama, too. If you're going to send your kid to camp, I highly recommend a Christian one. Most of you probably know that. But, oh, has this camp filled my heart with gladness and peace, and my eyes with good tears, on so many occassions! When we arrived, the 4 counselors recognized him from the photo I attached to his application! Called him by name! When we were setting him up in his cabin, one of the counselors handed me a picture of himself, something the camp had printed up, to remind me of his name so that I could pray for him daily. DH took that in the sarcastic way, like, "PRAY for me, I'll be here with 16 seven-year-olds all week!" (haha!) but I think it was meant in the earnest-Christian way, and I just LOVE that. I've kept his picture right under AJ's on my desk at work and I have, indeed, prayed for them both, all week.

Maybe I'm growing, at least in my prayer-life, as AJ is growing in confidence and independence.

It's so comforting to know that he's in good hands, and being prayed for and loved by all these people who barely know him. What a gift. He's probably learning things about Jesus and the Bible that, forgive me, but they don't teach the same way in Catholicism. I don't fault Catholicism, but I know that my youth was influenced so wonderfully by the earnest and loving Protestants in various times of my life, and I'm thrilled to give AJ a taste of that branch of Christianity, too. I hope he's soaking it up.

Before he left, he had been swimming one time, with a friend on the last day of school. I'm really glad of it. Before I sent him out into the big, bad world of sleepaway camp, I was at least assured that he remembers, from last summer's lessons and progress, to kick his feet. I wasn't there with him that day and it was a TEST of my phobia, for sure. I hate to admit it, but I still seem to fear his drowning, and for some reason I continue to let my mind go there. I spent the afternoon panicked, shaking it off, willing myself not to think about it, panicked again, and then after a quick Google of "how to pray about fear," reading and re-reading, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I only texted the mother once, saying, "All OK?" But I had the urge to text her several additional times, to say, "Remind AJ to KICK HIS FEET."

This week I know they're swimming at camp, too. But I'm trying to trust that he's in good hands. (Actually I saw photos of the pool and its shallow end is extremely shallow, plus I think that at least 4 counselors and 1 lifeguard are present any time the kids are in the water.) Trust is something I probably could stand to work on, for more than just my kids' swimming, so it's good to practice.

As for Miss KT, she has been extra sweet this week while she's had the parents all to herself. I really think this has been good for her, as well. Monday was my birthday and we celebrated with a nice dinner out (and my new Kindle Fire! I've already ordered a new book for it, woo-hoo!! Fiction!*) Tuesday after work, she and I had a big game of Dollhouse in her room, and I loved being able to focus just on her, and not feel like I was ignoring AJ. Yesterday I took HER to the pool -- still in arm-floaties, no mama-fear! -- and this afternoon, I think we're going to do some baking (banana bread). She and I will go back up to the camp tomorrow morning to pick up her brother.

So far, I like this summer a lot. :) Our big beach vacation is in two weeks, and my 20-year high school reunion is in July. Lots to look forward to! Lots to be grateful for.



* I did read some fiction at the end of May. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. Excellent book. I've started another, given to me by DH's grandmother, that's definitely a beach read. I think it's even called Summer By The Sea. By Susan Wiggs. Not my typical choice, but it's keeping me busy while DH watches E3 (video gaming conference) coverage all week! The one I bought is called I Am Forbidden, and it IS my typical kind of book, about Hasidic Judaism. Can't wait to start it!

Genealogy moment

My mom has taken to sending these emails to my sister and me, called "genealogy moments," on certain birthdays or anniversaries. (Because she's a [very lovable] genealogy nerd! She goes to genealogy camp and everything!) Sometimes the emails are about things we know, like our own grandparents' birthdays, and sometimes they're things we might have heard before, but don't think about very often. Here is today's, and it's one of our most interesting family stories, I think:

Your dad's grandmother, Radegundi "Gundi" W___, was born this day in 1874 or 1876 (conflicting reports). Her mother died when she was a baby. Her father didn't know what to do with all his children without his wife, so he sent some of them to be raised by the nuns; Gundi was one of those. She came to the USA when she was a teenager, traveling alone on a ship. Her brothers had paid her passage, but she didn't know that it included meals so she didn't eat for days. I guess she finally found out she could eat too. After arriving in NYC she traveled to Chicago, still alone, where 2 of her brothers, Frank and George, were living. She married Ferdinand R______ in Chicago in 1894. They must have attended the Chicago World's Fair in 1893, don't you think?

Can you imagine sending your child across the ocean, to be raised by the nuns??? Crazy. P.S. Yesterday was, incidentally, the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation! Learned this from a friend on Facebook (I had no recollection of the actual date). *Points to self* Officially OLD.

Five months of non-fiction

Since finishing The Hunger Games trilogy, I haven't read any fiction except for a couple of The 39 Clues books that AJ is reading. That's since January, my friends, and that is a record for me, in lack of fiction.

It hasn't been entirely on purpose, but I have surprised myself by enjoying it. I'm not reading history books either, it's all been self-help-ish. I've wondered if this is the beginning of my mid-life crisis. Or, mid-life re-evaluation, or something.

I started this course, as I say, unintentionally, with Committed, by Liz Gilbert, only because I'd heard it's as good as Eat, Pray, Love. And you know, her stuff reads kind-of like a novel so it was a perfect segue. I'm still not through it completely but I do love her voice.

I got distracted, though, when we were having all of our stress. I believe I mentioned I had to pull Parenting with Love & Logic back off my shelf, to remind myself how to parent. (It's been going better, by the way. Mostly... KT's battle of choice these days has switched from bedtime to bathtime. We don't WANNNNNNNNNT to wash our hair, everEVER. Not with new fancy shampoo, not at the kitchen sink *just like a salon!*, not nowhere, no-how. SOMETIMES, if Daddy lets us dump water on HIS head, we will allow someone to then dump water on our head. But not always.)

I also discovered No Regrets Parenting, and have it on my Kindle. I was stopped in my tracks reading the author's tweets about how "the days are long, but the years are short." He sends this one out every few days: "Only 940 Saturdays from birth to age 18 -- if your kid is 5, you've used up 260 already. What are you doing this weekend??" AAAAACCCKKK. Gets me right in the heart. So I've not even read two chapters of his book; I'd like to, but I feel like I'm wasting PRECIOUS MOMENTS if I sit down with it.

And then, I've been dealing with the yuckiness that comes with a desk job a little bit, too. Specifically, not enjoying the desk job. Happens perennially. So I grabbed a book called Off Balance by Matthew Kelly. Its premise is this: "Work-Life Balance is a myth, and no one actually wants that, anyway." I love this idea. No one wants their work life and their personal life to be equal-time! Besides that, you only get ONE life, not two. What we all really WANT is Personal and Professional Satisfaction. If that means less time at work, then you have to work to make that happen. If you'll be more satisfied with more career success, then you'll have to sacrifice other things to GET that satisfaction. The book had a quiz, "How Satisfied Are You?", which I lapped up like a kitten to milk; true story -- I am "finding moderate levels of personal and professional satisfaction." This actually surprised me because, of course, I started reading the book in a time of what I thought were pretty cruddy levels of satisfaction. I'm only disappointed that it doesn't seem to have acute tips, like "Step 1, Step 2..." but I'm not finished with it yet.

Then, I've tweeted at least twice about how much I'm loving zenhabits.net. Mindfulness, how to be happy, how to live well.... all of that just seems to be feeding my soul right now. I'm learning a lot.

But I'm also ready for some great STORY to come along and indulge my literary needs. :)

Morning

dooce posted this and it put a lump in my throat. Thought I should share.

Stock-taking

Eek. I need to get! moving! on a few things:

1. Learn how to make real frosting. We made a cake for New Year's Eve and I used Pillsbury's canned chocolate frosting. I'm sorry, Pillsbury, in general I do love you, but I've decided that canned frosting is not worth my $2.49. ...Tried once; haven't tried again.



2. Have our giant yard sale and clean up the basement.  ...We've priced things; have a few to go; maybe in 2 weeks? Spring will be over soon...


3. Get my personal business files in order and create The Spreadsheet.


4. Contact a law office and get our wills written.


5. Continue working out and possibly run a 5K. Possibly, I said.  ...Argh.


6. Do better with vegetables and my kids. (KT ate - and loved - spinach yesterday though! Cooked spinach!)


7. My photo albums. This will be finished by the end of January, so help me God. ...FINISHED!


8. Finish replacing all the blinds in our house. (There are a few rooms with old-style, crumbling venetian (metal) blinds, and I hate them.)


9. Paint/redecorate the master bath.


10. Clean all the tile/grout. Three bathrooms, one toothbrush, hands and knees. I haven't done it in a very long time and it shows!!  ... Did one bathroom. Still need to do the other two! Bleh.

Becoming a trend?

Remember when I took the kids to the Aquarium during Spring Break, and they behaved like angels and I could barely believe my luck?

They have done it AGAIN.

On our anniversary last Saturday, we didn't get a babysitter but still wanted to go out and celebrate, and I had also decided that there's no reason a celebration of our marriage shouldn't include our kids, so we ventured to the town square, hoping to visit a favorite little Italian place. [Aside: I have never considered myself a lover of Italian restaurants or cuisine. And for a date, it's so cheesy, right? Every movie and TV show always puts the dating scene at an Italian restaurant and I've never felt that spaghetti/pasta (cheap, messy) and meatballs (balls... of meat?) are particularly romantic -- especially not now, when I make spaghetti in my own kitchen 2-3 times a month. I don't know. I mean, obviously we order the grown-up entrees like Chicken Marsala and Lobster Ravioli, but still. I just find it amusing every time I report that we have been to a "favorite Italian place." Like, Who Am I?]

KT's usual claim is that she doesn't LIIIIKE that restaurant, whichever restaurant it is besides McDonald's or Stevi B's Pizza, so I wasn't real hopeful we could make it happen without at least one meltdown. But we did!! Serendipitously, the only tables available were outside. We knew that was the better option, anyway,  to drown out our noise with passing cars and not bother the other patrons. And the weather was perfect. Almost too warm, but not quite. The kids ordered and ate their food (plain pasta for KT, spaghetti with a giant meatball for AJ), drank WATER (miracle) willingly, stayed in their chairs, and were generally so pleasant that I declared it one of the BEST anniversary dates we've ever had! (I hope DH wasn't offended by that.)

This weekend is AJ's First Communion and Grandparents' Day at his school, so ya-ya-ma and Papa Joe arrive this afternoon. The kids have been COUNTING DOWN and are so excited. Yesterday they both kept saying, "I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait."

We have a lot of plans for the weekend, and I think it's going to be a good one. :)

My heart

KT says, "mommy, I can hear your heart beep."

Heart beep, you guys.

:)


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My truths, this week

1. Blessing my circumstances. Waking up thankful for everything I can think of.
2. Love and logic (still trying!). "Uh-oh! Looks like you're having another tantrum. That's too bad. I can't think with all this noise going on, so I need to take you to your room. Would you like to stay there with the door open or closed??" Lalala!
3. Keeping perspective about work. Sometimes on the weekends I get a feeling/reminder that my job is so small in the grand scheme of things, and shouldn't be something I fret or get stressed over. It's laughable, really, the daily details of jobs. Totally laughable. Something to laugh at, to distract me for 8 hours a day, to bring home a paycheck. Nothing more.
4. On the flipside of that coin, my job IS actually a ministry to our end-users. I am lucky to have the opportunity every day to do some of the work that Jesus modeled and advised -- aiding the sick, specifically -- in my daily tasks, even if it's indirectly. So I'm trying to keep that in mind.
5. Eating well to fuel, and getting more much-needed exercise. [Countdown to beach week and] I want, on a personal scale, to be an athlete. Or at least a fitness aficionado.

It's a lot

Not gonna lie, Internet: This whole week has been hard. This afternoon has dragggggged on, as most Fridays do, but this one more than usual. I went home for lunch, but that activity has been rendered weird/sad since no little furry head is there to greet me quizzically with his, "What are you doing here during my daytime nap?" look. There's no one so say "bye" to when I go out the garage door to go back to work. It's just not right. I got a gut-punch feeling in my stomach while I was there, and kept thinking I just didn't care about anything, definitely not about going back to my stupid politics-and-secrets office.

And I feel silly saying all this about a dog, especially when I didn't have to do the hard part of being there at the moment. DH is likely suffering more. I know nobody who's ever loved a pet could hold it against me, and that it's normal and he was a family member and all of that stuff. I know it, but I just can't grant myself permission not to feel slightly "get over it" toward myself.

Then we've had extra tantrums from KT, who only had fever for about 12 hours on Tuesday/Wednesday but whose mood has remained crappy. I know she's under stress, too -- she has asked every day, "Where is Polie?" and "Why is Polie in Heaven?" so she's processing it slowly -- but the stupidity surrounding her bedtime (not to mention her waking up time) is just about to kill me dead. Last night my choir practice was cancelled, but the previous night I had declared in ALL CAPS That I was DONE putting her to bed, DONE!! Poor DH replied, rightly, "Don't get mad at me!" So last night, as I was saying, I went out anyway, even though I had nowhere to go. I took a book I felt it was time to revisit -- Parenting with Love and Logic, thank you again for the years-ago recommend, MB -- and do you know what I did? I ran away. From my 4-YEAR-OLD. To A BAR. I had a glass of red wine (okay, two) and sat there in silence for 2 hours and it was nice, but felt wrong. For one thing, I've never gone to a bar by myself. I'm a 37-year-old adult but I felt like I was getting away with something. Or that people would look at me funny. For another thing I felt guilt for leaving DH with a potential tantrum. I pray alot when I do that -- please give him patience, please give him the patience that I never seem to have. I mean, I know us moms have to have our me-time, but still. I just thought it would be easier, after my declaration, if I weren't in the house as even an OPTION for her (since I'm usually not there on Thursday nights anyway). I don't know what I'll do tonight when she begs and pleads for me to put her to bed, not Daddy. I will have to refuse - I can't do it. She uses me up while the Disney Princesses CD plays in the background. (Unless I turn it off when she makes an unwise CHOICE. Like hitting me.)

I love that Love & Logic book but damn if I can perform the antics that it advises. Antics, meaning, "STAY CALM and IN CONTROL," hahahaha, and just use logical consequences and smirk to yourself because you're so much smarter than your 4-year-old. I don't know, Internet, I may not BE smarter than my four-year-old. A lot of times I think she outsmarts me.

It's just too much stress right now, from all sides. The work side and the personal side. I've presented myself as a flake at AJ's school twice this week via fax, because I can't remember which forms are due when, or how much to write the check for.

I did one thing right in all this noise: Yesterday afternoon I made the kids turn off the ever-lovin' TV to help me make dinner (pasta with zucchini, baked in the oven). We pulled up chairs and took turns, and had dance parties while we waited for the oven to heat up, and the pasta to boil. That was fun and good medicine for all of us. (Vegetable Ninjas!)

I hope that a good weekend, a date night with DH and another couple of friends, and The Hunger Games (odd choice for a pick-me-up, I know) will pick me up. I need to get back on the treadmill, back out in the sunshine. Back to normal.

Today

My day so far:

Still grieving/getting used to the loss of Polie...

KT=101.3 fever=home with me...

(working at home?? Probably not)

Had to get food to AJ's school for lunch today, since dog and fever situations prevented it from happening Mon or Tues....

Costco doesn't open until 10...

First Lunch starts at 10:30...ack...!

on the way between Costco and school a cop pulled out behind me, making my heart POUND...

It's 11:00 a.m. And I'm ready for my wine.






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Good boy.

Napoleon (Polie)
1996 - 2012

We will sure miss that face.

It would have been an outdoor picnic, if not for allergies!

Being back in the office after a lovely 5-day Spring Break/Easter weekend is really no fun at all. Good thing my Lenten ban on blogging during work hours has been lifted!

My mind feels quite distanced from the buzz of work, after taking Wednesday through Friday of last week off. I needed it -- we have been straddling ridiculous levels of politics and nonsense at my office (in fact, one coworker is, at this very moment, running up and down the hall behind me, trying to complete a task for the Prez, I guess, but... ugh. annoying AND stressy). I was free to Not Think About it during my days off, and that was a mental break I greatly appreciated. I don't know how much office politics you deal with on a daily basis. I, myself, have never dealt with as much as I'm dealing with now. It's not directly related to my job, thankfully -- it's upper executive level stuff, like Org Charts and Restructuring and who reports to whom, hiring and firings, and why won't they tell us "X," (even though we already know through the grapevine) and "your budget has been frozen," and all kinds of stuff -- really. All going on at the same time, and all without any end in sight.

Never mind your actual work deadlines. Hahahaha. (That program might get cut, anyway. But might not. So do your best! Wheee!)

It makes for draining workdays and the desire for a glass of wine most every night. I typically resist but I probably deserve it.

So during our break, we took trips to the park (AJ rode his bike a full mile! And we're still on training wheels at age 7.5, which is another topic, but I'm proud of him), did errands, ate more than our share of french fries at lunches/dinners out, and on Friday the kids and I braved the Georgia Aquarium with all the rest of Atlanta's living humans. I knew it would be crowded, the last day of many districts' Spring Breaks, but I kept telling myself, "We'll make the best of it. We'll just make the best of it." And I was rewarded with kids who behaved, stayed close, didn't whine (even when it was lunchtime and MY tummy was growling, and we had to wait in epic lines), and were just really, truly cooperative. They didn't even go for the most expensive items in the Gift Shop, but were content with a 3D bookmark (AJ) and a little fish-shaped keychain (KT). I think it was a day that they'll remember fondly, and I will, too. I was proud of myself for going alone; I would have liked to experience it together with DH (he was working that day), but honestly I don't think he would have had as much fun because of the crowds. Is not a big fan. And I really wanted to go during Spring Break, so I had to make it happen.

Unfortunately, we have also had another situation brewing. Our dog has not been well. In fact, he's been in the hospital now for 5 full days and nights, and we don't know what's going to happen next. It's been hard to continue to put on the "vacation" face for the kids while we know a decision could be imminent. And we also want to give their first experience of old age/pet death the dignity and life-lesson attention it deserves. I'm waiting for a call from DH with an update. The dog is 15 and a half, and the end has loomed now for at least a year, as his eyesight has gone, and his hearing, and his arthritic hips have made it hard for him to navigate our house. This new issue (vestibular disease, if you're interested) has brought extra difficulty. The problem is, he doesn't seem to be in pain at the moment (we saw him Saturday), he just can't walk. I know that if an animal his age can't do his business on his own - and he can't right now - it's probably time, but oh, it's hard to say that it's time.

Updated to add: in case anyone Googles vestibular disease and happens upon this page, the doctors said he must have also had something else going on because he wasn't responding to the antibiotics, and vestibular disease usually is treatable. They speculate a mild stroke or a tumor.

On the bright side, my house is clean, our taxes are filed, and laundry is done. We had a really nice Easter Sunday, with plenty of candy, thumbs-up on the baskets, an easy church (and parking) experience including the Hallelujah chorus, and lunch at a restaurant with no wait. Oh, and we had a floor picnic of BLTs and deviled eggs for supper. :)

What's been going on with you?

Thoughts, mostly on churchy things

I've started and stopped posts a few times over the course of this month, but never have gone back to finish them. (It turns out I may never write a blog post at home again, I guess. I keep waiting for inspiration to strike in the evening hours, but... nothing. So Lent has meant a full abstinence from blogging, which wasn't the intent -- the intent was to use my work-time more productively.) But it's Monday morning and I never want to just gear up and get to work on Monday. I prefer to eeeeeeease myself into it with some online news reading, some Facebooking, and today, a little blog posting.

Yesterday I hiked up Kennesaw Mountain. All the way to the top, and all by myself. It was a pretty day, and I dropped AJ off at his First Communion workshop at church, and found myself with 2 hours to kill. The mountain is right around the corner so off I went. I had worn good shoes on purpose. The park was FULL of hikers and walkers and picnickers, and it was the perfect day. I am so glad I did it, even though my glutes wanted to kill me, and will probably want to kill me even more by tomorrow! I do love a good walk in the woods, though. It was a long workout AND a mental treat.

This week my manager is out of town, and since I'm the only other team member, I'm hoping things will be relatively quiet at work. (Ha, ha. Doubt it.) And then next week is AJ's Spring Break, for which I have Wed, Th, and Friday off. Hooray!

Of course, a chorister never has Holy Week off, and I'm not really looking forward to all of those committments. I've never made the DH or kids attend any Holy Week services, but I'm thinking this year they should all go to Holy Thursday Mass. They won't like that. I get so much pushback about going to Mass and especially when it's a non-Sunday event. I suppose that's normal for kids. I wish it were more fun for them. Speaking of fun at Mass, at AJ's workshop yesterday, the kids got to taste the bread and wine. You should have seen their faces! Haha! Most of them winced about the wine, but later AJ told me it was the bread that tasted the worst. Like paper, he said, and asked 20 minutes later if he could have some water to wash the taste out of his mouth. "You'll get used to it," I said.

When I was a new communicant (i.e., a kid), I remember I liked to go to different parishes and see what their bread tasted like. ;) I remember when we moved from Texas to Florida, it was a whole new kind of hosts and took a long time to get used to. I hope First Communion will be special for AJ but I'm not trying to push a lot of theology on him. I think part of the reason it works to have 1st Communion at this age, is that it's just simple. They don't need to understand everything about it yet, they just need to be open to it. It's hard to resist telling him all the things I think he should know, and I have let myself babble a few times when we've worked on the at-home lessons, about how it's a gift, and how Jesus wants to be with us, and how we all share in the meal together... and then I try to shut myself up.

It's sweet and somewhat satisfying to watch a child's faith take root in the traditional order, same as it was when I was young. It is also a comfort to send them to Catholic school (or CCD, I imagine, would feel equally comforting), because you know they're getting the catechesis that isn't so easy to just bring up at home in everyday conversation.

Two possibilities

Sometimes when I feel really moody/grouchy, like no one really likes me, and I'm feeling still fat from pregnancies 4 and 8 years ago, and I hate my neighbors, and I don't have the right clothes/shoes, and my kids are monsters, and I hate my job, and 'a day like this is not how my life was supposed to turn out' and and and... I start to wonder if it isn't the Devil himself, using his tools, despair and hatred, to bring me to his terrible dark side. I know that sounds WAY over the top, but what else can it be when those feelings are so far out of the realm of Truth? The Truth says that my life is blessed beyond measure. The Truth is that God loves me and has shown me that in numerous ways! Loving husband! Excellent children! Enough money. Enough food to eat! Plus Friends! Talents! How else, then, could I ever have such dark, awful feelings?

Of course, rational people don't normally talk about the Devil. (Even though rational people are allowed to talk about God.) I don't know. To say that Despair and Hatred are tools of the Devil makes an awful lot of sense to me.

But then, to write those feelings off as "not of myself," but of the Evil one, is much too easy. I get off scott-free if I blame him. Although I WOULD like to blame him. So then I think, well, I am weak. I have been sorely tempted to feel those things, and I have given in! I have wallowed, even. Nearing closer and closer to the dark side. (Ohhh, the Catholic conscience. Sheesh.)

So that's when I pray for strength to NOT BE TEMPTED. Or... for forgiveness. Is feeling depressed/moody/grouchy sinful? I don't know. I don't WANT that to be true, for me or for others who have much worse bouts of depression. It seems extreme. I am pretty sure there are some biochemicals involved, as well. But at least for me, sometimes, I think it is sinful. Giving in to Despair means rejecting Joy, and rejecting God and His love. (I guess... Gosh, could it get any worse? Feeling bad about feeling bad??)

On a smaller scale, it's part of what I'm working on this Lent. Fighting the dark side with a small LOL in brackets. Putting Good Thoughts out into the world and rejecting the mean ones, even just with my co-workers : There are some who drive me crazy. CRAZY. When I see them coming, my mind automatically goes "BLEH, there comes Crazy Suzy. SO annoying, I hate how XX she is." I don't say  mean things, mind you. I'm trying to fight that (hatred/despair) thought-response and instead think, "[record scratch] ...Crazy Suzy is a mom like me; she's trying her best today to get it all done." or "Crazy Suzy deserves for me to be kind to her."

-----

Other times when I'm moody, I realize I haven't exercised in several days and I could really use an endorphin boost. Because, truly, if there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that exercise helps balance my outlook, and if I don't get enough of it, that's when I get grouchy and stressed. (And mean! Watch out, husband; watch out, coworkers!)


It's hard to tell which of these two things it really is.

Whew. Scheduling.

I've been in a scheduling tizzy for 2 or 3 days since February is when you have to start planning Spring Break and summer camp activities, for the love. February! Thank goodness we had that extra day this year or I might not have managed it. I was bitten by the summer camp bug because a friend -- a real live friend, a school mom that I like and have even been to her house a couple of times and she to mine, so it's like, really real friends! ;)... mentioned that she was looking at Camp Sunshine and was anyone else interested in looking with her? So I jumped. Clicked right through to that Camp Sunshine website. I have been thinking that AJ, being 7 now, might be looking for a little more variety in his summertime schedule, rather than the same old, same old daycare "summercamp" he has now attended 3 times.

When I mentioned this to him, of course, he said, "But I'll be a SENIOR camper this year!" hahaha. Color me wrong, then, I guess he thinks that Senior daycare camp is a lot different from Junior daycare camp, which... I doubt it. But anyway...

So Camp Sunshine (not its real name) is about an hour away, has a good organization behind it, good outdoor adventuring and other values that it teaches, and has archery. The archery is what AJ is interested in. These are the things I learned in the 30 minutes I spent peeking at their website during work hours on Monday (Lent promises didn't include random web surfing!). And the cost seemed QUITE reasonable. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting, but less than $700 for a week sounds like a bargain to me, actually, for a sleepaway summercamp. No idea why, it isn't like I've done a lot of research.

My friend and I wanted to be sure that our boys get in on the same week, and in the same cabin, so we've been back and forth, meanwhile trying to convince the boys that they do really want to try it, and convince our husbands that the kids can handle it (both dads are a bit more hesitant than us moms, which I find sweet/odd)... and I've felt a little panicky about it.

But today, we decided on a week, and I got AJ registered and and my $100 deposit paid. Whew.

THEN at dinner, when KT was telling us about ballet, which she has on Thursdays, I remembered about her spring recital. Her very FIRST ballet recital.

DOOM.

If we go forward with the camp, AJ leaves on Sunday, June 3rd, and I was convinced that the recital was the same day. Seems logical, a kids' recital on a Sunday afternoon. I was absolutely crestfallen, thinking we'd have to split up the duties, and I take AJ to camp since it was my idea (can't just let him ride with a friend for his FIRST TIME) while DH watched KT in her FIRST TIME on a stage, without me. OMG, can you imagine?? I mean, sure there's HD video but OMG. Not to mention sweet big brother, asking if we would please take video so he could watch the recital after he returned from [this new] camp [that Mommy seems really excited about but I'm still not quite sure...]. Heartbreak!

I guess I worried it enough to make it better, because after I came home from choir rehearsal I looked up my paperwork for ballet, and the recital is actually on Saturday, June 2, THANK THE LORD ABOVE.

Really, having panic attacks about my JUNE schedule right now?! A little much. (Not to even mention the fact that I think my baby is old enough to go away to sleepaway camp for a week... don't I? Isn't he? Eek.)

Lenten fast... fast!

I'm updating quickly so you'll know why the long silence - I have given up blogging, Google Reader, and Sparkpeople.com, the three sites where I manage to waste the most of my workdays, for Lent. During workday hours only. It turns out the last thing I want to do after work is turn on the computer. Go figure. I don't want to completely lose touch with the Internet for 40 days, but I do need to trim down the time I spend goofing off from 9 to 5. Heh. Plus, I couldn't bear the thought of giving up tortilla chips, which was the other thing I considered.

I got over my cold. AJ and KT both seem to have the sniffles now so I'm avoiding them. (Kidding.)

This past weekend we did nothing. NUH-THING. I let the kids totally zone out on Disney teen comedies (awesome parenting). I dusted the house and sang at 2 Masses, but that's about it. It was lovely.

There are a lot of things percolating in my brain (possible kitchen cabinets redo, my to-do list for 2012, my j-o-b)... but I will have to wait until later to decide if I want to blog about them.

Gotta run!

The plan for Not Getting Sick Anymore in 2012

Just to recap, here are the illnesses I have endured in the past 4 months:

1. Nov 1 through, oh, I don't know, the 30th? or longer? Deep, hacking cough that worried the grandmas in my church choir, every time we gathered. (antibiotic Z-pack).
2. Dec. 25 - 30: Sore throat (lost my voice) that didn't materialize into much else, because of the power of my Dad's Hot Toddies.
3. Jan 17 - Feb. 1: That's three weeks, y'all -- Double ear infection! (antibiotics! Amoxicyllin).
4. Feb. 12 - 17:  Garden-variety cold. Stuffy nose, small cough. (Dayquil FTW.)

I mean, WHAT THE HECK, people? I don't go around licking the doorknobs of public restrooms or anything like that! I eat fruits and vegetables and lean proteins and leafy greens. I don't kiss my kids on the mouth when they're sick. But somehow I am not providing a strong enough defense, and starting this week I am going to remedy that. I will be FIGHTING the GERMS in an active and pre-meditated way -- that's right, pre-meditated. If one could get arrested for killing a germ, I would get a life sentence after today. The Plan:

1. Take my stinking daily multivitamin. I hate those big, fat horse pills. DH used to dole them out to me in the morning, and I'd stick it in my pants pocket to save until lunch, when I had a drink handy, and then I'd forget. ALWAYS. The pill would drop onto the floor when I hung up my pants before bedtime every night. Or I'd store it in my jewelry dish for the next day. Questionable tactic. I've stopped doing that; instead I keep my vitamins at work now, on my desk, and take it first thing when I get here. But I still hate them. I have seen the Adult Gummies, but have mixed feelings. Do they really just taste like a gummy? I suspect not. I might give them a try when I finish this bottle of One-A-Day-like Target brand Women's Daily, but... come on. A gummy? Am I five years old?
2. Take Vitamin C daily. This is a plan I like. I keep a bag of the Halls Vitamin C drops in my cabinet, and a stash of them in my purse, at all times. I can commit to having one of those daily, especially the grapefruit flavored ones.
3. Continue washing my hands and be even more diligent about it. Okay, I admit there are times when I go into the restroom at work and  (don't be grossed out) don't use soap. I rinse quickly, but I know I'm going to squirt some hand gel on my hands as soon as I'm back at my desk, so sometimes I feel like it's unnecessary to also soap up. I do love the anti-bac hand gel. But from now and forevermore: soap. Every single time.
4. Continue drinking lots of water. I typically drink at least 48 ounces a day (plus other drinks, which may or may not count toward the total - does anyone know for sure?), and I do think this helps wash the ick out of our systems.
5. And finally, this is going to be the big one: GET 7 HOURS of SLEEP as many nights as possible. Not on the couch, but in my bed. It's so HARD to go to bed at 10:00 pm but everything I read says 7 hours improves the immune system greatly. Specifically, this means I'll need to not sit down (something I've needed to work on for a long time, anyway) after 8:30 pm, in order to get anything done in that hour and a half. So goodbye, lolling about on the couch. Goodbye, cozy afghan.

Hello, clear sinuses and better health. I hope. If I get any type of cold the rest of this year, I am going to be TICKED.

Now we are four.

When we woke you up this morning, whispering, "It's your birthday!" in the dark, you rolled over and with your eyes still closed, said, "I don't ca-are!" It wasn't mean-spirited of you to say that, it was just.... you. It was Chapter Two in the same story from yesterday morning: I came to your bed and said, "KT, it's time to wake up..." and you said, "Don't TELL me what day it is. I already KNOW."

You already know so many things, my little Valentine. My big girl. You know how to read a few words, and you know to drag your finger along the words of a book, but sometimes you don't drag it on the actual words -- or page, even -- that I'm reading. That's okay. We're still learning and you'll know all about reading soon, too.

You already know how to be an artist. You're so into coloring right now - it's all you want to do. In fact, last night, right before bedtime, you wanted to go back downstairs and when I asked why, you said, "I just want to color something." It makes it sound like you are easily pleased.

(Pardon me while I laugh.) You're not easily pleased! You want things just so, your way, and right now -- and you're not afraid to say so. We're doing our very best to help you make good choices, dear girl, but sometimes none of us gets it right. The dramatics of being a four-year-old girl will, I'm sure, be a learning experience for me, particularly, this year, since I was a perfect child, after all. Like I always tell you. Like my mother has always told me about herself as a child. ;) I pray that I'll be able to remain gentle and patient, and know when to give and when to stand firm.

Some things I want to preserve in a snapshot of you, right now:

• you still sometimes say, "Those are mines," plural. We love saying, "mines," too.
• you like me to stir up your yogurt so it's extra smooth (when you deign to eat yogurt). You like your ice cream stirred up, too (just like your Grandmommy).
• your favorite thing is to have a snack (dry cereal or Pop Tarts) on the couch, and your Daddy's least favorite is the crumbs you always leave there.
• you adore your daddy, and generously give him his hugs and cuddles and raise your hand FIRST when he asks, "Who's Daddy's girl?"
• you like to play with your Barbies and Disney princesses, and you're getting better at changing their clothes yourself.
• you still don't really like to have your hair put in a ponytail, but you do wear headbands sometimes, and leave them on all day. You can put them on all by yourself.
• you sing to yourself and make up words, and they typically include, "...for you, for the United States of America, everything is beautiful..."
• you're still our little bossy one. I think you have the best time at school, telling the other kids what to do. I know they love you, though; I can tell that you have lots of friends.
• you're learning ballet. Last week you came home and knew the word, "arabasque," and my heart fluttered a little. (I was also happy to learn, a few months ago, that they still teach "boogie woogie" in ballet.) We can't wait for your first recital in June!
• you adore your brother, and love when he'll let you read with him, or play Ninjago, or watch him play his DS.
• you're stubborn, that's for sure... but also, it turns out, very loving. Last night when I was feeling snuffly and needed to lie down under a blanket, you brought me my Boppy (my own baby blanket that now lives in your room), and carefully put heart stickers on my hands, and we were the special girls.

 Happy fourth Birthday, KT baby! We are going to have so much fun.

Put me in, COACH

Girls, I have a really huge first-world problem. I don't know how to feel about COACH bags!

I mean, viscerally, I love them. They're mostly beautiful, especially the ones that are not trying to be whimsical. They were born in the 1970s, as was I. What's not to love about that? And the one item I do like to buy for myself is purses. I don't have a closet full of shoes like a lot of women, but my DH will confirm, I have drawers full of purses. Some recently from thirty-one, many from Target and Nine West. None from Coach.

On the other hand, now that it's been a million years since I decided I wanted one, EVERY PERSON ON EARTH and at my grocery store seems to have one, and I don't. And now, unfortunately, when I see one I get more ticked off than covetous, which makes me think I don't want one anymore.

How come everyone else has a COACH bag? In this economy?? Do people really pay three hundred ninety eight (!!!!) dollars at Macy's for them, or are they shopping at the cheapy-peepy-discount-Coach-online store, like I'm about to consider doing?

What's the deal? Are they cliche at this point? Would I be cooler if I did, or did NOT have one? Enlighten me, fashionistas. What do you think about Coach and do YOU have one?

Easy Fridays

I have done nearly nothing today, except conduct a couple of phone conversations for an assignment that isn't due until April. I am bascially using up power today in this office, and not much else.

*slight guilt*

But my manager's working at home, it's grey outside and most everyone else is quiet, too.

I went out at lunchtime, got a turkey sandwich and ate it in the lunchroom with a magazine. That's a luxury I rarely allow myself - eating in the lunchroom. Of course, most days it's crowded and loud and not restful to me, but today I guess I picked the right window of time because no one was in there. (I worked out yesterday so today's a day off.) I could have done another errand and then eaten at my desk, but opted out. Downtime at lunch is a good thing.

This evening after an easy dinner of leftovers, DH is helping set up for the pinewood derby tomorrow, AJ's going to a movie night at his karate studio, and KT and I are probably going to go out for ice cream. Then maybe I can convince her to lay in my bed with me and watch a movie, or maybe we can read Paddington Bear.

I am very grateful for days like today.

Brilliant solutions

I always feel a little embarassed after posting a "help me" question like I did yesterday; I have been at this parenting thing for nearly 8 years now, shouldn't I know what to do for toddler tantrums, for Pete's sake?? But maybe the act of putting it out there -- NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO -- was more like a spoken prayer that God or the Universe (as everyone likes to say) could actually answer, and they did -- I was gifted with an idea.

Just a small one, but still: I moved a small, rarely used lamp from the dining room into our kitchen, and put it on a timer for 5:30 am. That way, by the time we get to the kitchen with sleepy eyes at 6:00, there is a nice, soft light already waiting for us and no one will be able to scream "TURN IT OFF, IT'S TOO BRIGHT, MOMMY!" Excellent solution, if I do say so myself, and it even looks like I've put that lamp there for decorative purposes -- I always love "re-decorating" just by moving things around a bit.

KT was all smiles this morning when she saw that lamp and how well it solved her problem.

AJ, on the other hand, decided today for the first time, that HE would whine about the TV being too bright. AYFKM

(And naturally KT decided to balk at the outfit that SHE, HERSELF, chose last night before bedtime, according to the published rules of every parenting "morning rush-hour" article ever written on the Internet. "I DON'T WANT A TURTLENECK ANYMORE, MOMMY!!! UNH!! THESE SHOES DON'T FEEL RIGHT!")

Hahahahahahahaha. I swear: Crapshoot.

Happy Days, Tortilla Chips, Morning Routines

That video I posted and my list of reminders from the previous entry might have made it seem like things were stressful or sad around here, but they haven't been. We have had a lot going on, it's true, but I'm finding a way through it without much emotional impact. Ta-da. Except that of realizing I haven't been listening to any good country music lately, and that is very sad indeed! My friend loaned me 3 Lady Antebellum CDs, so I had an earbuds party at my desk late last week. I immersed myself in their wonderful sound and lyrics, and DID get emotional about how good my life is, how happy I am to have my husband, my kids, etc., ... you know how country music does that? Especially when they throw in a line (and they always do) about "hitting your knees," and especially when that coincides with your baby boy making his First Penance (happily, not scared), and feeling like we are developing a little 'family' vibe at our church and all. Good stuff.

As far as daily stress is concerned, I've learned that if I'm ahead by one day -- as in, doing the homework for Wednesday on Tuesday night -- that is acceptable. And by "homework" I don't mean AJ's homework, which I firmly believe is HIS to do, but my own. My homework includes whatever forms have to be turned in, checks and payments, errands, and workout clothes. I go to the grocery store at 9:30 pm after choir practice when there is a Teacher Appreciation event the next morning. I'd rather be MORE ahead than 8 hours, but if 8 hours cuts, it, then I'm cutting it.

It's all good, is what I'm saying. And KT's birthday presents will get purchased the day before her birthday, if necessary. (Although I do already have plates/napkins/tablecloths and favors, woo hoo!)

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Sunday night we attended the annual Superbowl party with our good friends across town. There were a million tortilla chips at that party, let me tell you. And OPTIONS for said chips: taco dip, sausage-Rotel dip, buffalo dip, and spinach-artichoke. Perhaps we need to coordinate better next year. In fact, I think next year I will bring stuffed mushrooms instead. Not that it wasn't delicous! I enjoyed it plenty! I even enjoyed the game/commercials, when I could hear them. Good grief, I know it's a party, but I wanted to say SHHHHH more than a few times. It was the adults -- the kids were all outside in the 60-degree weather, not being bothersome at all.

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My KT bug, my little sweetheart, is being equal parts delectable and infuriating right now. She colors. She colors CONSTANTLY, and if she isn't coloring, she's asking you to draw her "something pretty" to color. I am doing a very lot of this:

...and I love it. I am a huge fan of coloring and I love seeing her work so hard at it, coloring in all the white spaces, choosing just the right shade for this and that. It's fascinating to watch her.
But when it's bedtime or first thing in the morning, she continues to test my patience in every way possible. I am brainstorming to make some changes, and I will certainly ask her how we should work together to solve, most specifically, the morning tantrums (today she told me "Unh! I don't LIKE you!" and I plainly answered, "You don't have to like me.") -- but I would like to ask you about YOUR morning routine, especially if you have or have ever had, a four-year-old girl (or boy, I'm not picky). Please share if you have particular strategies that are awesome and calm-morning-making. We tend to fight about the fact that the light is too bright, the fact that she doesn't WANT blueberries for her breakfast snack, the injustice that it's her brother's turn to sit in that chair, and the problem of playing with a castle when it is time to get dressed. Just for your reference. Also for your reference, she hardly ever fights with her Daddy about these things. He tends to use a stronger voice with her than I do (because if I do, everything just escalates and includes, "You're scaring me") but otherwise I think we typically use similar tactics. Counting to three, giving choices, etc. Sigh.

I think, about parenthood, it's never quite a smooth boat trip. It's always listing to one side or the other. And I don't do seasick so well.

This.

Absolutely pierced me last night when I heard it for the first time. The video's too much to bear. I suggest closing your eyes and just listening.

Reminders

Print out the school's PDF and highlight books I think AJ will like, on his reading level, so that he will stop saying he "can't find" any Accelerated Reader books in the library, and CHECK OUT A BOOK, for the love.

Work with AJ on his King Penguin shoe-box diorama (kill me), due Wednesdsay.

Ask daycare for a list of KT's classmates; address invitations for her birthday party.

Bring various items to school on various days, for various volunteer and service projects. (So. many. different. projects! I mostly hate Catholic Schools' Week.)

Buy KT some more dresses because she is refusing all pants and t-shirts lately (she wants to "be pretty, Mommy"). I don't have the energy to fight with her on this and I don't mind buying them.

Buy AJ some new uniform sweatpants because they have now become high-waters (regular uniform pants took that road 3 months ago). Thank God that he's growing, and continue praying for it.

Don't skip my running at lunchtime, at least THREE TIMES THIS WEEK, SELF.

Go to the makeup store to see if they have something miraculous for the horrifying depressing dark circles that have recently appeared under my eyes. At 37.5, I guess I'm not surprised.

Figure out what dish to take to the annual Super Bowl party next Sunday. Buffalo dip (fun)?? Or veggies (smart/sad trumpet)?

Also take an adult beverage to that party.

Smile.

Clogged and Clammed Up, but Excited...

Ear status: Still frakking clogged.


No, I am not kidding. The doctor gave me amoxicillin, the weakest of the antibiotics, so I hear (HA), and so far I have experienced zero relief. She said it might take up to 3 weeks. Once in a while if I perform the Valsalva Maneuver (which I did not know had a crazy name! until last week), I can get a nice crackle and pop on the right side, and hear a little better out of that one for 30 minutes. But it doesn't last and isn't worth the possibility of blowing brains out my eyes when I do it, so I don't, very often.

Aren't I lovely? I'm really over this.
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We have exciting news in our family -- BIL and SIL are having a baby! They just announced it officially last night, but we have secretly known for a few weeks and been saying some prayers since they miscarried a few years back. I actually didn't think they would try again, but they did, and she's now at 12 weeks. I'm going to be an AUNT! I thought maybe I never would, officially, although I do have some sweet little cousins-once-removed who have called me Auntie Lee-Lee in the past.

We hung up the phone last night with them, and DH said, "She sounded nervous." OH, do I ever remember that feeling, when you're first starting to tell people! It's SUCH a secret, and if it's your first baby, you've never told anyone a secret like this before. And it's personal besides, letting everyone including your in-laws know what you've been DOING! Shock! So it's uncomfortable in so many ways. I don't blame her for feeling nervous.

Besides all that, SIL never really talks to us on the phone - the brothers talk, but not us girls so much. Maybe I'll have to remedy that and become more attentive to her as she begins to experience motherhood. I've wanted to be close to this SIL -- she doesn't have a sister of her own, only brothers -- but I'm so NOT a phone person anymore, and we don't live in the same city, and she's not really (from what I can tell) an email person -- so that all makes it hard.

We do share quite a bit in common. Both like to read, and cook, both go to sleep early (her, intentionally, me, by accident most nights), both try to workout regularly (she has more success than I do), both quiet, for the most part. I like her very much and I know I'm lucky in that.

But even last night, I felt like my brain clammed up and I didn't quite know what to say. I kept saying, "That is so great, we are so happy for you...." and I truly meant those things, but I couldn't think what else you're supposed to offer at this stage. Is that weird? I didn't want to say the WRONG thing, and of course I asked her how she'd been feeling and her due date, but... isn't that it, at this point? Oh, right, and "are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?" I think they volunteered that info (they are). I don't know. I hope I haven't forgotten everything about being pregnant, and that I can think of all the right things to say if she asks me for any advice (which I hope she does). I feel like I HAVE forgotten. (Thank God, right?) I'm going to email her right now and hopefully sound sincere in offering whatever I can do.

An Aunt! And DH an UNCLE!!

I can't hear you

My ears are stuffed with cotton. They have been for 3 days now, so I'm going to the doctor today. I expect she'll pull a Mac truck out of the left side. Last night when I lay down with Kate, my head/left ear was on her fluffy fleece blanket, which obviously muffles sound. When I lifted my head up after about 10 minutes, there was no change in the muffled-ness of my hearing on that side. No change! Sigh. This morning when I woke up it felt like something was sloshing around in that one (braaaaaains?????) but it has since stopped.

I just want to apologize IF I AM YELLING. Because seriously, I cannot hear a damn thing.

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This week I have arrived at the chapter in my Organizational/Productivity book (yes, still reading it), where you zero out your Inbox. I am excited and nervous. I am terrible about keeping every email I get. And I have 4 different Inboxes, total, so that's a lot of useless storage. Has anyone ever done this? I am planning to say, "I'm sorry, all my old emails got deleted, you'll need to resend" if I get into any sort of email-needing-situation.  

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Yesterday I spent a good portion of my lunch hour more time than I should have reading the articles and looking at the pictures NPR posted for their special report, Russia By Rail. I've never been that interested in Russia, its language or its culture, but this report (I heard it on the radio first) was excellent. I feel like I understand the cultural climate there better, and I was surprised how well I can relate to the people's mindset, as reported in this article, anyway. It talks about how the younger generations there (30s, 40s) want to see change in Russia's government and economy, but they're not really ready to fight for that change, or take drastic measure themselves. They'd rather kind-of wait and see what happens. And this is exactly how I have felt about my husbands' and my jobs. Both of us would probably like to sweep everything away and start over in different careers, doing something we love, but neither of us is at all willing to get crazy, which is what it would require to facilitate that kind of big change. So we just kind-of wait. See what happens.

I think I like the Russians.

I can't imagine wearing the fur coats all the damn time, though like the folks in Siberia and Vladivostok (love that word and how it feels to say it!). I'm wearing a turtleneck today and it's already making me a little claustrophobic at 8:04 a.m.

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When KT is bored with something, she says, "bored out." I love this phrase and think all of us should start saying it. "I'm bored out, y'all." No idea where she got that but it's perfect.

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I read on Dr. Google that if you think your child has an ear infection, you should make sure they get plenty of rest and don't exert too much. Naturally that means I haven't run yet this week. Haven't run since last Thursday, in fact. I am super-bummed about it, but I know that in the C25K program, they allow for repeating weeks. Life happens. I think I'd rather get well first, run 6 minutes straight later. I am not quitting.

Twelve-fifteen on the treadmill

It's almost time for me to head downstairs to the treadmill. On Tuesday I did my Couch-to-5K run and a miracle occurred: I ran for five minutes without stopping! I should say, "jogged," because I'm keeping the pace NICE AND SLOW, but people, this is -- truly -- a brief miracle. Five minutes!

I just wanted to TRY the program. I wasn't convinced I could actually do it. And I'm only halfway there, I guess there's still no guarantee I will finish it. But all of a sudden I realized: this form of exercise which I have heretofore abhorred and decried (yes, THAT dramatic), is the only kind of exercise that's given me a feeling of accomplishment, in great measure. When I did the 30-Day Shred I was proud for slogging through it; glad when I could get through Level Three (or heck, even Level One's cardio segments were a killer), but I definitely didn't feel like I wanted to do it any FURTHER. It's just punishment. Miserable. And she yells at you. And thus, after about 25 days or so, I basically stopped.

Plain-old walking, my typical exercise of choice, is perfectly fine, but utterly devoid of the sense of achievement.

But with this, somehow I feel each success -- even with all the yucky sweating and the bad music that the Christian Alternative C25K podcaster-guy chooses (horrible! I really need to download something else) -- and it altogether encourages me. Endorphins for the win! It makes me excited to try again, and see how far I can get. Can I do six minutes? I think maybe by next week I CAN.

I don't know who I am anymore! *back of hand to forehead, wilts to nearby chaise lounge*

(I hope it lasts.)

Grumpy pants (little things)

I have the blahs today. Everyone at my office is annoying, and the work I do is stupid and not inspiring (today), and the people in charge are horrible. In fact today was described to us as a special holiday, office closed... but then the people in charge changed their minds. So I feel like I shouldn't have to be here but I AM.

My throat has been sore basically since Christmas. I don't have other symptoms so I don't feel it's necessary to go to the doctor. But I'm tired of having a sore throat.

The weather's dreary, and I feel fat and unsuccessful at losing a single pound, even though I limited myself to ONE bowl of chili during yesterday's football games when I would have gladly had two, and that doesn't seem fair.

KT fussed at me all morning and cried because of a variety of things, but mostly because she is 3.

I woke up at 3:17 this morning and thought, "Oh, good, I still have 2 hours PLUS left to sleep." But then I couldn't fall back asleep for at least 30 minutes and I just lay there and stewed about how many minutes I was LOSING.

And I have errands to do at my lunch hour, which prevents me from working out at lunchtime, and that pisses me off. I know that a good shot of endorphins would help my mood. I should go for a couple of 10 minute walks, I KNOW, but guess what? I couldn't carry my gym bag (with shoes) this morning because of all the other crap I had to carry. No shoes = no walking because the shoes I did wear are not even very comfortable.

I read yet ANOTHER article about how we should never eat anything processed, ever, because the big farms and commercial food processing plants are EVIL and FILTHY and horrible, and normally I would dismiss reports like that as bullshit, but today I wondered if maybe it isn't true, and I don't WANT to believe any of that so why do the reports keep coming out? (Don't answer.)

I think my mood is actually getting worse as I type, so I'd better sign off. I hate Mondays.

Books for 2012

I want to do more intentional reading this year. I miss my Kindle. I bought The Hunger Games triology in hardback because they were clearly worth having/preserving. Although I finished them in about 3 weeks, that was right before the weekends of Christmas shopping and planning, and then celebrating. I picked up another book during the holidays (21: Bringing Down the House), and it's been good so far but I'm not quite into the thick of it yet. It's in paperback, besides... so, short story long, I haven't been on the Kindle in a long while. Not since Still Alice, I think, which was a great book but many months ago in my life!

So I've been thinking about the books I want to read in 2012. Of course the resolution I didn't write down but did actually think about -- and the one which is likely most important for having a good year -- is to grow closer to God and to nurture my faith. But the task of doing that on my own, just by adding a regular prayer-time to every day...? Probably not very realistic. (Definitely not very realistic.) Then I thought, "HEY, I could read an inspiring BOOK to help accomplish that end! Perfect!" Two birds, one stone, right?

And finally, the third reason is that my dear, darling Book Club has somehow not met for about 4 months now. This is the longest I think we've gone on a break, and yes, our kids are all older and busier now, and we know we'll get together again someday, but I think it's time to send out an email and see what the deal is! And get some book recommendations from that end!

So, here is a list of some books I'd like to read. I'm drawing some of these from the excellent lists I've seen around the blogosphere, like Lag Liv's, and Bessie V's, and Jennifer Fulwiler's! But please, feel free to chime in and suggest others!

The Girl Who Stopped Swimming, Joshilyn Jackson. I have loved her other books and it's wayyyyy past time for me to read this one. The title alone is completely intriguing and it's been in the back of my mind since before it was published.

Sharon Kay Pennman: Here Be Dragons Thank you, RRA and LagLiv! Historical fiction is my absolute favorite and I can't wait to try this author.

Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I think I read Eat, Pray Love in 2011. It was fantastic. I have heard this one's even better.

Love in the Ruins: Walker Percy. This one came from Jennnifer's list of book recommendations from Catholic bloggers, hot off the press!

He Leadeth Me by Walter Ciszek. Jennifer recommends this one a lot and I think it sounds fascinating. Probably for Lent (as she suggests).

Golden Bones by Sichan Siv. The author is married to a high school friend of my Mom's, and this has been on my shelf a while. It's not my usual fare and I will likely need something to separate it from He Leadeth Me, as they're both about wrongfully imprisoned men. Might be a little much for one year but we'll see.

Bossypants, Tina Fey, since everyone else already read it. :)

Maybe something from Jodi Picoult, because it's been a while, and I have liked everything I've read of hers.


What else should I be reading?

2012 Goals

There are a few things on my list this year that I didn't mention. So I don't forget them:

1. Learn how to make real frosting. We made a cake for New Year's Eve and I used Pillsbury's canned chocolate frosting. I'm sorry, Pillsbury, in general I do love you, but I've decided that canned frosting is not worth my $2.49.
2. Have our giant yard sale and clean up the basement.
3. Get my personal business files in order and create The Spreadsheet.
4. Contact a law office and get our wills written.
5. Continue working out and possibly run a 5K. Possibly, I said.
6. Do better with vegetables and my kids. (KT ate - and loved - spinach yesterday though! Cooked spinach!)
7. My photo albums. This will be finished by the end of January, so help me God.
8. Finish replacing all the blinds in our house. (There are a few rooms with old-style, crumbling venetian (metal) blinds, and I hate them.)
9. Paint/redecorate the master bath.
10. Clean all the tile/grout. Three bathrooms, one toothbrush, hands and knees. I haven't done it in a very long time and it shows!!