Wordplay

Yesterday we got home from work/school/camp, and KT was saying some adorable things. She's figured out the hard /R/ sound, and now words like "water" come out "wadderrrrrr" instead of "waddah" like they did 8 days ago.

So AJ was feeding her all kinds of words to say. "Can you say, 'Dinner?'

Dinnerrrrr.

"Can you say, 'Bigger?'"

Biggerrrrr.

"KT, can you say, 'Basket?'" (not sure where that one came from)

Baks-sket.

"KT! Can you say, 'Sarcophagus?'"


STUNNED SILENCE. I had to ask the kid where he learned that word. (And, I'll admit, what did it mean?! Because I couldn't quite remember!) He said it was in a Magic Tree House crossword puzzle.

The darndest things, indeed.

Unplugged and On a Diet

Not much else you need to know, is there?

(But there's always something more to say... I just enjoyed being logged out of all my Internet stuff during vacation. Enjoyed it SO MUCH. I did some reading on my new Kindle - I realize it's technically an online device, but not the same - and it's really cool and easy to use! (Was not paid to say so.) I just want to hold on to that unplugged feeling. I'm somewhat afraid to open Google Reader. While I missed all of you guys that I typically read, I... didn't miss you that much. I'm sorry, but it's true. And yes, my diet calls. The eating of much crapola occurred last week -- along with the eating of delicious Gulf seafood, uncontaminated so far -- and so today it's Triscuits and cottage cheese and lots of water. I'm thisclose to signing up for Weight Watchers, or buying the South Beach Diet book, so I have a distinct PLAN. Don't wanna, but thisclose. That's all for now -- like I said, I am trying to keep a grasp on the summer breeze feeling. In my mind I'm still in the rocking chair on the porch, ceiling fan whirring, sunscreen fragrant, cold drink sweating next to me.)

Closer

That's "Closer" with a soft "s", not like the Kyra Sedgwick fake-southern-accent show on TNT.

Close-er. Our vacation is closer. (Aaaand so is the oil. Perfect.)

I am feeling a bit better than yesterday, however. A night of wine with the girls helped quite a lot. We laughed and laughed. KT's excitement also helps. When her Daddy got home last night, he asked her, "KT, what are we going to do tonight while Mommy's at Book Club?"

She answered, "Go doo-dah Beeeeeeeeech!" She keeps wanting to look at our photo albums, and when she spots a picture from a vacation past, she says, "I going a dat beach? I do dat Sad-uh-dayyy?" She especially likes the sand castle pictures. I hope the sand will be castle-worthy and not tarred all to hell. Oh, it makes me sad to think that. My uncle loves shore-fishing in the EARLY morning -- that's basically why he goes to the beach every year -- and I worry he won't be able to do that this year. Who knows.

I had a come-to-Jesus with myself after (wine and) Book Club, while driving home. Unintentionally. Windows down, radio blasting. I don't even remember what song it was, now, although I will admit that I LISTEN TO DELILAH sometimes when I'm by myself in the car at night. Yes, I do. "SO NOW I COME TO YOOOOOOOU, WITH OHHHHH-PEN AH-ARMS...." She always plays that one for somebody. Anyway, my moment was one of deep gratitude. I've spent the last couple of days (...years??) feeling ennui and bleh, but my GOSH, the GIFTS that sit in front of me every single day -- a delightful husband who partners with me, giving more than he gets, a delicious growing boy and a beautiful little girl, a home, warmth, comfort, parents and in-laws who are so good to me, even a friend here and there... the weight of it, the lump in my throat was very heavy with the thought that I sometimes think all that isn't good enough. I had to put my hand on my chest to hold it all there, to my heart. It is MORE than enough. To squander it by ever, EVER wishing for something else is complete mockery. Unacceptable.

Quite a moment.

You'd do better to read the paper wrapper your lunch came in...

Reports from ya-ya ma are that AJ is getting along just swimmingly without us. Quite literally -- it sounds like they're swimming at least twice a day. He's hanging out with his cousins, eating and sleeping well, and waking her up, instead of me, at quarter to six AY! EM!

Desite that good news, I'm feeling all sorts of ennui, which is normal for this Longest Week Of The Year pre-vacation. I'm blah about work, not feeling like I even qualify to be doing some of the stuff I'm tasked with. I'm not yet motivated for trip-tasks besides laundry; I'd rather read my book. And yet I know that both work-work and home-work need to be ramped up before Friday OR ELSE. It's time to start stressing. (Why aren't I stressing?) I'd like to take trips to Barnes & Noble and TJ Maxx tomorrow at lunch, to ensure I have all the right gear. A new book light and a new swimsuit would both be handy. But ugh, what a pain, buying a swimsuit.

I'm still the same same same weight, height, and pale-skin-level as before the 30-Day-Shred attempt. I feel plllbbbttt about that, as well. Why didn't it work? Why couldn't I keep doing it after 30 stupid days? I don't look bad, per se, but I could look better. I've used my Target-brand self-tanning lotion 2 or 3 times but I'm hardly interested in smelling it for the little difference it makes.

The one thing I did get accomplished today was scheduling AJ's birthday party at -- Heaven forgive me -- Chuck E. Cheese. I know I shouldn't spoil him by granting that request, especially because I am not a fan of Chuck. But I AM a fan of hosted parties where I let the hired teenager run things and I write the check. And I'm also a fan of AJ, himself, and asked very sweetly. Last year we did a very non-commercial party at the park. It was awesome, and cheap. So I feel justified that this year we can do something a little bigger.

That's all I've got. Oh, also: Yatt has moved into the cubicle next to me. Should be interesting. She's grown on me a little since our last discussion. And I've vowed not to be a jerk about her on the blog. So unnecessary, spreading ill-will into the world. Still, though. One of the only people to ever merit her own category on helloself. I feel I should mention it.

Sleepaway

Next weekend we're dropping AJ off for his first summer vacation "alone" with his grandparents. I'm having little bursts of nerves about this, not at ALL for him, but for me. A week without my sweetheart boy?? It seems impossible, and impossibly long!

Of course on one hand, I'm sad that we're one of the hundreds of families having to juggle and schedule summer camps and daycare opportunities, due to the 2-income economy and my having a full-time job even in summer. Heh. Independently Wealthy, I wish we were! On the other hand, I'm extremely excited that he's going to have a real sense of summer Vacation, capital V, and thrilled that the parents are jumping at the chance to entertain him for that time period. They're planning some outings, some backyard barbecues, some pancake breakfasts, a fishing trip and some other fun projects that I know AJ will just love. And I keep telling them that it's OKAY if he sits around playing video games a little bit, too. I want him to know that lazy, nothing to do feeling. Remember it? ...Man, that's a trip in time on the way-back machine!!

I'm also happy that he'll get time to get to know his grandparents without me and DH as a filter. (He'll be going to the other grandparents' in July, too.) They'll have to work out conversations and personality nuances one-to-one, and that's what gels a relationship.

We've timed it so we'll drive down the following weekend to "pick him up," but really we'll be meeting all of them and heading over to our condo for our Beach Week. (Let's not talk about the Gulf.) My underlying goal was that he'd be rewarded for MISSING HIS MOMMY when I show up to spend another carefree week with him, myself! Ha ha.

The only detail I desperately need to work out is: WHERE is his White Blankie? (Almost six years old, but still loves/needs the Woobie.) It has been misplaced in the last 2 days, somehow, and I'm not sure how he'll fare without it, away from home. Eeeek. Dear Saint Anthony, please look around!!

More Quick Takes

Blog-post bullets. This is what it's come to. A friend told me yesterday, because she's taking an online art history course, that for the first time she is considering starting a blog. To "work on her writing." I had to laugh: That was my original goal, as well. Haaaaaa.

1. Friendship is good. I can't wait to see my bestest next month. Poolside, baby. We can talk books and nail polish and recipes and not much else, and that is OKAY BY ME.
2. Prayer is good. I have a few more things to pray for all of a sudden, and I'm excited about it. I need a reason to BOOST the MOMENTUM in that department. Hopefully won't be just a grocery-list, either. I've been thinking a lot lately about PRAISE and my lack thereof, in most typical praying I do. How to remedy?
3. Last day of Kindergarten today. I can't believe it. Mah baby. The Graduation was adorable, except when - you won't believe this - his teacher mis-pronounced his last name!! OMG. A mispronunciation of our last name is not pleasant. Thank goodness she also mispronounced 2 other students'. We parents banded together and joked about it but COME ON. Do you know these kids at all? Later DH and I decided okay, she probably rarely CALLS them by their last names. Still.
4. So, leaving work at noon, special last-day lunch with AJ, then a Target trip. Best day ever.
5. Babysitter tonight! We have a friend's son's college grad party to attend. I'm happy to have a new blouse and shoes to wear. Also happy about free food and drink. Don't know much about the grad, but who cares!
6. Road trip to Nanny's tomorrow! Annual lovely time away from the big stupid city. I can't wait to see that back porch again. And hug that wonderful lady I've come to love as my own.
7. I bought something just for me yesterday. A set of 5 magnets with funny/sweet sayings on them. They made me so happy in the store, I had to spend 20 bucks. One of them says, "Don't believe everything you think." Perfect advice. Another one says, "Everyone is somebody's Weirdo." Couldn't resist.

Happy Friday! More QTs here.

Minutae et cetera

It goes without saying that we've had 2 mornings now when KT pitches a big fit over getting dressed. Rendering the morning routine IMPOSSIBLE to handle by oneself, or at least that's the guilt-factor I'm feeling, which leads to I don't know I don't know I don't know about the Flex Schedule. Maybe not going to work. Maybe not fair of me to get up early, grab my coffee, and wave good-bye for DH to handle that crap every day. We both remember AJ not wanting to get dressed for what felt like a lonnnnng stretch, right around this age.

Biscuits.

(That's our new Curse-word Substitute, courtesy of "Kick Buttowski," a cartoon I can't believe Disney launched with that name.)

* * * * * *

I'm doing some research on energy healing for work, and as much as I enjoy the idea of mind-body-spirit connection and 'auras' and 'chakras' and all, I think I enjoy stumbling upon www.skepdic.com -- the Skeptic's Dictionary -- even more.

* * * * * *

I do not like Coke Zero, not even Cherry. I'm about to decide that Diet Dr. Pepper is the ONLY no-calorie soda worth drinking. I was not paid to say that.

* * * * * *

Kindergarten graduation tomorrow. And I really need it. I need a big reminder of why DH and I work hard at full-time jobs that are sometimes just bleh. Just.... bleh. We choose to do it because sending our kids to a school like this is a priority. So I'm grateful. I'm grateful.

* * * * * *

I'm really tired of a certain acquaintance's obsession with whole foods and organic and farmer's market. Good for her -- she read The Omnivore's Dilemma. And I agree with those ideas to some extent. But shut up.

It Would Require Early Mornings.

If I altered my schedule to accommodate the things I want to accommodate -- namely, swimming this summer and being able to pick up AJ during regular carpool next fall -- it would mean getting up even earlier than I already do, which is 5:45 a.m.

This is what I'm thinking: 6:30 am to 3:30 pm. FLEXTIME, baby.

To get showered, dressed and high-heeled (just kidding; I do not wear high heels) by 6:15, I'd need to get up no later than 5:30. Meaning the first Snooze Button Push would take place at 5:15 because heaven knows I need my Snooze! I think I could get the kids downstairs with breakfast in front of them before I left. In other words, I wouldn't have to skip seeing them altogether in the mornings, and that's a good thing.

AJ's been complaining more and more about having to go to After-care. I don't know why, exactly. His best friend is there, too, and they get snacks and playtime and MOVIES, even, if I'm later than 5:00 (which is almost never). Maybe it's just end-of-the-year ennui, which I had to explain to him yesterday when he said he's tired of going to school. I told him he's supposed to be.

Although Aftercare and 3:30 carpool aren't part of the equation this summer, having the time to swim in the afternoons would add infinite amounts of FUN to his vacation, and that's important to me, too. I feel like the kids need to have an element of "off-routine," within the limits of my still having a work schedule. It would be time to get used to the morning shuffle before actual school begins again.

What I'd have to sacrifice is the evenings from 10-11 p.m., because there's no way I could do very well with LESS sleep than I currently get. It's worth mentioning that I DO sleep between 10 and 11 most nights, on the couch... but I think this would need to involve some DEDICATED sleeping.

One other thing--I would have to rely on DH to drop off both kids, which might take a lot out of him. Some days it's a wrestling match to get one or the other of them out the door and buckled up. We're very wary of a Morning Mood. Still, it's an even exchange I guess, all him in the mornings, all me in the afternoons (the afternoons are sometimes hairy, too). Only sad thing would be us swimming without DH.

Would it be worth it? I read of women who do this kind of "flexing" all the time, and to them it's worth it. As I said, I have a mental THING going on with After-care. I LOVE the After-care director at AJ's school, and I know he isn't alone there -- a large portion of parents need After-care every day, just like we do in our current situation. But I fondly remember after-school time with my own Mom -- especially in high school when I had a LOT I needed to talk to her about. We had such a close bond (still do!) and might not have, if not for having had that time together every single day -- and I feel like it's one of the quintessential American Mom THINGS that I'm not getting to do, and it sort-of hurts me in my heart.

Obviously it requires a discussion with DH, but he has said he's always willing to help me with any flexible scheduling I can wrangle; it's a shame his company isn't as lenient with arragements like this. I'm presuming mine would be. But I would love to hear from anyone who has a thought. What do you think? Should I:

• Work 6:30 to 3:30 every day?


• Work 6:30 to 3:30 3 days a week, and send AJ to Aftercare 2 days?


• Forget it, stay in bed those extra 15!

We interrupt this broadcast...

We have had 2 full nights now with no pacifier, and one nap on Sunday.

The infamous "Invisible Blue-y," so named by AJ, I think, to distinguish it from another "Blue-y," disappeared rather conveniently at a party we attended over the weekend. (This particular Paci has a history of disappearace. It lived between the floor and the couch of my parents' living room from December 31 until around April!) I had been talking to some of the other moms at the party about needing to RID ourselves of this habit. MY habit, not necessarily KT's. I'm completely responsible. Paci-Fairy, Build-A-Bear, Something needed to happen. (In case you haven't heard this GENIUS idea, a friend of a friend took her 3-year-old to Build-A-Bear, kissed the pacifier, and handed it over to be sewn up with the heart and the stuffing into a brand-new bear! GENIUS.)

Then something did happen. A total accident, I swear: After a day's worth of playing, we couldn't FIND Paci when it was time to leave. KT cried and cried, but there was nothing we could do.

And she is doing fine so far. A couple of whimpers, but nothing that can't be deflected with a toy or some juice.


--Reporting from Mommyblogland.

7 Quick Takes Friday (because it's been a while!)

School's Almost Out for Summer edition!

1. I am contemplating a schedule change. This probably deserves a much longer post, but I think I want to alter my work schedule before the next school year. I realized late last month that I really don't want my kids to spend the entirety of their lives going to After-care. We see the other kids in our neighborhood playing outside when we pull into our driveway at 5:00 pm. It's just not fair that AJ doesn't get to do that. I mean, he DOES... they play outside at After-care... but... well, you know. All the Arguments. Again, it's probably more for MY comfort than for his, but I'm contemplating. Maybe I'll save the details and have something substantial for my next post. Wouldn't that be novel?!

2. Nearly had a panic attack this week about Money. Lots of things we want to do, like the Anniversary Trip next year, the New Car we'll probably need next year, Kitchen Cabinets/Countertops (please?), and then I thought, "ACK. What about when KT enters St. J's Catholic School?? I can't afford a TEN-thousand dollar payment! Ackackackack bring my smelling salts..." All this came about because I had to sign the form saying I'll pay for AJ's school next year. Took me a while to realize that, OH YEAH, I already pay that much over the course of the year, with AJ's tuition plus KT's daycare. Duh. Actually I think it will be a slight decrease when she gets to Kindergarten. Whew.

3. Except it will be double all the extra t-shirt fees, and books, and uniformsOMG and incidentals like the 2nd-grade charity bake sale and the 2x/year book fair. Yeesh. Money. Can't live with it, can't shoot it. Or something.

4. If your choices today were a) compose an e-newsletter, b) prep for a sales-y phone call tomorrow, c) research some scientific cancer news or d) make calls to sell ad space in your magazine... which would you choose? IKNOWRIGHT? Terrible choices.

5. I think we have AJ's summer schedule figured out. He'll spend a week-ish with my parents, right before we meet them down there on the oily Gulf Coast for Beach Week (or, Pool Week, as it were). And then in mid-July, he'll spend a week with DH's parents in Savannah. I think he's super excited about both. I am going to miss that kid like CRAZY when he's gone, I already know it.

6. Although I haven't written the check yet, I have thought I want us to join the Home Owners' Ass'n this summer, for use of the neighborhood pool. This may also inform #1 re: my schedule. Hmmm.

7. I was recently asked to help with the music for Vacation Bible School. It's during Beach Pool Week, however. AND there's the unfortunate fact of my job. Mornings from 8-12 kiiiinda wouldn't work. SO BUMMED. I adored VBS when I was a kid.

More Quick Takes at Jen's.

Finale

Well, we did lose a game. Tuesday night, actually. 28 to 15 or some crazy score like that. The kids took it well for the most part.

And LAST night, Wednesday, we sat down at the table at 6:00 pm, with mesquite-lime grilled chicken, steamed corn and garlic pasta. "What's this?" the kids asked, curious. "It's called Dinner," I said. "We haven't had one of these since April."

Or at least that's how it has felt.

By the way, I have been sick again, this time a cold, and it's kept me away from my 45-Day-Shred since Monday. I'm back at it tonight, and if I can just do Wed., Thurs, Fri, and Sat., I can call it done. Ridiculous.

Baseball Ready

Lordy. They told us that spring t-ball was going to be "more serious" than fall ball, but they didn't tell me I'd have to fend off rain and mud because heaven forbid we postpone the SACRED TOURNAMENT.

Despite it, I've gotten caught up in wanting to WIN. And somehow, our guys keep pulling it off. In truth, DH and I fully wanted our team to lose at first. (He may still, and part of me does, too.) We were/are both feeling a little s t r e t c h e d by the frequency and intensity. But you can't help fist-pumping when a 6-year-old makes a pop fly catch (and then zings it into the glove of the first baseman, for good measure. Hee.)! They're playing their little hearts out, and man, I hope we keep winning. It means a game every night this week, and 2 on Saturday, but... Emotions are high out there, folks. On every field there are LOUD cheers and CRACKS of the bat. Lovely sounds.

There's definitely a bond with the other parents, too. I've been looking for friends at our school, but maybe t-ball is where we'll really get connected with people. Such nice families; we're lucky to have been matched up so well.

We're very proud of AJ. His attitude has been great, even though he's playing boring ol' left field. He complained about that for 1 minute last night, poor little bunny. But every night, he runs out there and stands "baseball ready" and he swings hard and runs as fast as his legs will carry him.

It was perfect, Because...

Mother's Day is completely pressurized these days. It seems if you're not treated to an entire day at the spa, plus breakfast in bed, fresh flowers and dinner at a French restaurant with kids, pressed and washed, sitting on either side of you, you've not been treated right. Or at least that's what they would have you think.

I'll challenge that. My Mother's Day started as all my other days start, with AJ notifiying me that it is 7:05, Mommy... It's 7:06. Are you getting up now? It's 7:07. I dragged out of the cozy comforter. KT was awake so we plucked her out of her crib before heading downstairs. Being careful not to trip on the 14-year-old dog who makes it his mission to be first to the bottom every time.

A beautiful photo frame with a picture of me and the kids greeted me in the kitchen, along with a sweet card and a gift card to the spa. (DH actually wanted me to grumble on my way down the stairs, so as to surprise me more. And that went according to plan ;)...) But otherwise, things proceeded as normal. Cereal, hot chocolate, coffee, then I made breakfast, I went to Wal-Mart after DH got up, I put groceries away, I even swiped down the bathroom. I sat outside while AJ played with the neighbor kids. He and I planted some caladiums in the front yard. I played pretend Ben 10 with him, which you know I don't really love.

But all those things make me a Mom, don't they? While I could have felt sorry for myself (and at moments, I admit I did), the bigger picture is that I get to be the exact person, in the exact role, that I wanted my whole life. Sweeter still that I was born to be in this role, with these children and this husband. The truth of that was a gift to me yesterday, even as I made my own bed.

Also, it's been a really long time since I had a day without a single committment or any scurrying around! I toodled around Wal-Mart (I was alone, after all; another gift). I puttered around the house getting things done -- even the long-overdue photo album. I cooked a dinner for once! Put it in the crock pot for later. We went for ice cream, and then to Mass, and best of all, the kids played happily for 45 minutes while I boiled the pasta and unloaded the dishes. GIFT! (Usually they cling.)

KT's got a new word: Because. She doesn't use it correctly, but she says it a lot. It's so cute. She says something like, "Guess what?" Then, "Because... See my band-aid, Mama?"

My day didn't make sense either, in one way. But it was perfect Because it was.

Day 25, T-ball, and The Church band

It's at the point now where I have to keep Shredding (hate it as a Verb) because THANK GOD it's nearly over. Not that I'm planning to quit exercising, but I think most people who do this particular workout for the full 30 days get SICK OF IT after a while, amiright? (Please say I'm right.) I am jonesing for my Yoga/Pilates DVD. On the other hand, I am scared that I won't keep up the momentum, will fall right back onto my spot on the couch, with a handful of M&Ms to fill the Jillian void. I don't WANT that, but that's what has traditionally happened, so I expect it to. I'll do my best to fight it, but that'll be new for me. I am really grateful that DH has kept up his workouts since January. 4 days a week, without fail. It's been impressive.

So far I'm not noticing a great physical difference in the place I want to see a difference. My shoulders seem to be getting slight definition (be still my heart, if I someday get to see my collarbones for the first time in my life!), but the post-babies tummy is still a post-babies tummy. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to pretend to feel good about my heart health. HA. Everyone knows that deep down we just want to look nice in a tankini. Okay, enough of this nonsense.

* * *

T-ball tonight. It's the second game in our tournament series. We lost the first 22-0, did I tell you? It was a sad situation.... for the crazy parents/coaches who think this is IMPORTANT or something. DH and I are of the opinion that if the kids are having fun and learning the basic rules, it's ALL GOOD. In contrast, the head coach went to the ballpark last night and the night before, when we had off-nights, to SCOUT the COMPETITION.

Kee-razy. I think I mostly like T-ball because it means I don't have to plan dinner on those nights.

* * *

We had Date Night last weekend. Went to hear one of DH's all-time favorite bands, The Church. It was the last stop on their 30th Anniversary tour. Thirty. Years. OfRockandRoll. Pretty amazing. Maybe you don't remember the Church; they only really had 1 hit in the U.S., "Under the Milky Way," which I'm sure you'd know if you heard it. My only memory of that song from high school is being about 15, and at a party where all the lights were low, and I knew someone was drinking beer and shouldn't be, and I felt uncomfortable and unsure. So I just stared quietly at VH-1, where the blue, watery-looking video was playing.

I never knew anything about their other music until I met DH, but when he put one of their songs on a mix CD for me early in our relationship (a mix CD! how quaint!), called 'Almost With You,' I was hooked. I've seen them twice before, and we both agreed it was one of -- if not the -- best show(s) we've ever seen. Not just of The Church, but of any band. (I feel like I say that after every concert I've seen in the last 10 years. Bon Jovi, U2, Billy Idol...) It was a small venue, and they chatted with the audience -- literally bantering with people between songs -- and there was this enormous mutual respect going on. Because they've been around so long, the band members have come to this profound gratitude for their fans, I think -- who've stuck by them through the requisite breakups, overdoses, and comebacks. And the fans... well, the type of music they play has a lot to do with fan loyalty, I think. It's deep, thought-provoking, with intelligent lyrics and memorable, but complicated and sometimes dark melodies. I think it just grabs hold on a deeper emotional level than a lot of music, so the fans are much more connected.

One thing we loved was the audience. Someone commented to me before the show started that "the guys have all gotten so OLD!" meaning the band. But I looked around at the fellow concert-goers... uh, yeah. If you give a flip about this band, you're pretty much old. The show started exactly at 8:30, as promised (OLD). They did 3 encores, but we were home before midnight the way God intended.

It was really great, and we're both still on concert-high, where all we want to listen to is The Church. I love that. What's the latest show you've seen?

My Dog Ate My Homework

You'd think as an editor slash writer, I could come up with headlines for my own blog. But I'll admit: I've always had trouble with headlines. Even professionally.

It was all I could think of, because this is going to sound like an excuse, but I'm not thinking of it that way. I skipped my workout last night. We had a 4pm art exhibit at school, an unexpected Tball practice, and my in laws arrived yesterday. Dinner was at 8 pm. Kids went to bed at 9.

I've decided "30 consecutive days" is just not practical for... well, for anyone really. But particularly not for me. So I had to skip last night. (I've only skipped twice during this thing, plus the 3 days I was sick.) I don't workout if it's past 9:00 before I can attempt to change clothes.

However, I'm still in the MINDSET of "30 consecutive days," which is a change for me. I'm planning to workout tonight as if I were still on-track. In all the times I've tried before, one slip has led to a complete fall off the wagon. It was, 'Oh, now I'll never finish... it's over. Might as well not even keep trying."

This time, I just change my mental day-counter and continue. So today becomes Day 20 and I'm still on my health kick. Or, I should clarify -- my fitness kick. Because the strawberry pie I made last week (even though it's pretty low in calories) isn't exactly helping my health. Still, a fitness kick is a good kick to be on. I'm happy about it.

Home

I'm working at home today. Oh, working at home, how I have missed you so!! I love sitting next to my kitchen window, with only the QUIET sounds of Napoleon snoring and my dryer finishing a load of whites -- nothing to disturb me! I'm writing an article about going green today, so I've got all the lights turned off, the blinds open, and the appliances unplugged. (Well, not ALL of them, but the ones I can unplug.) I get up every once in a while with purpose. To go swipe down a bathroom or let Puppy out -- not to idly walk to the restroom. I am getting a lot done without the stupid phone or inane chatter to interrupt me.

Home, hommmmmmmme! It's too bad we spend so little time here.

Speaking of home, one of my dumb insecurities was relieved last night during Book Club. I have been thinking a lot about my 1986 kitchen cabinets and ugly off-white Formica countertops. They embarrass me. So, while looking covetously at the hostess' beautiful granite, I came right out and asked, and guess what? Neither girl in attendance could recall what my cabinets look like. Nor have they ever thought, "el-e-e's kitchen is ugly." My longtime friend Melissa said, "You know what I notice about your house? The pictures of your kids. And the way it always smells good."

I tell myself these things, but it's so nice to hear them being spoken.

Home is where the heart is, it's true. And that's a serious cliche of a transition sentence, but I'm glad to be here today. One final reason: A florist delivery man just left my front doorstep. He dropped off a dozen roses from my Darling Husband, with whom I celebrate 9 years today. What a happy anniversary for me!

Gratitude check

--- Whew. That was rough. I didn't eat for 2 days. I supposedly lost 4.5 pounds. I am grateful that's over, and REALLY grateful that I have a husband who took care of me and handled the household while I was sick and useless!

--- I am still loving T-ball. Probably more than the T-ball player, himself, at this point. Last night's game, although it was at 7 pm (LET ME RESTATE: TOO LATE FOR 5-6 YR-OLDS!), was amazing. These kids have finally come together as a team, each one doing his or her part, playing with and FOR each other. They still fall over their feet sometimes, or play in the outfield dirt -- it's still Little League after all -- but they also score their first home runs. Not AJ, but his teammate MC, one of the older boys on the team who works really hard and LOVES baseball. SMACKED one over the fence. His Dad jumped up and down. Team Mom opened the dugout door and all the other kids ran to home plate to congratulate him as he came home. Big moment! It. Was. Awesome. I nearly cried for a kid who's not even my own! (Am nearly crying now, typing it up.) It's just enormously fun, watching kids grow up.

And P.S. opposing team coaches: Trash-talk is not cool at this age. Come On. DH tells me that the kid standing on the pitcher's mound (who wasn't pitching - this is coach-pitch baseball, and DH is our pitcher) was saying all kinds of rude things about each of our batters. "Oooh, bummer, a GIRL." when our pink-helmeted Caroline was up, and "Oh look, a 2-year old!" at AJ's turn. NOT COOL, coaches. There's no place for that crap in wholesome family t-ball. Rrrr. Mama Bear.

--- The weather. Finally spring. Last night it was 74 beautiful degrees for our game. Perfection.

--- Quiet week at work so I can be sick, and now in the last part of the week, accomplish some important lunchtime errands. Sigh..... errands. Oh well, grateful I have them.

Derailed

Of course. Of COURSE the one time I get really, really motivated and want to DO THIS THING to the nth degree, I get sick.

I did Day 12 yesterday, but that was right before I began throwing up etcetra (TMI, sorry), so no suprise, I didn't even finish it. And I'm unsure if I'll be able to do it tonight, either. I haven't been able to eat much of anything besides crackers and Ginger Ale and feeling generally weak.

Dammit. I was going to DO 30 days straight! Oh well. I'll be tacking 2 days on to the end, I guess. So now it's May 7 toward which we're counting down.

Bah.

The difficult things I do

Day 9 was hard last night. I didn't wanna. Luckily, the 20 minutes goes much faster the more you do this stinking workout, but I will admit last night I was whiny before getting started.

Not to worry -- I GOT R DONE. I hate Level 1.

At least yesterday's job task was out of the ordinary. I am planning a small "fashion" spread in our little women's wellness magazine, so I had to go shopping. (Had to.) I like a day where I'm not in the office, but am doing work. Especially one that involves the mall!

But it is difficult for me to spend money like that. And even though it's the company's money, which I kept telling myself -- you're spending someone else's money; shop like you're NOT YOU, pretend you're [my friend who's a good shopper]; don't worry, your budget is padded for this -- I still had to use my own credit card. Which DH had JUST paid off the night before. It hurt a little. Especially when USAA called my cell phone as I was driving back to the office -- to make sure all those charges weren't fraudulent. HA!! They're not used to me spending nearly $300 at a pop.

I did find an $80 Kenneth Cole blouse on major sale for $20 -- and an awesome pair of $80 shoes to match -- so guess what, I will be keeping those after the photoshoot. Heh. That's the upside of using my own credit card. I just won't turn that particular receipt in! (Hey, I HAD to try the shoes on, anyway. Shoe departments get particularly suspicious if you buy a pair without trying them on.)

8 Days A Week

I have been keeping a secret from you. It's not a big deal, but it is, kinda. I haven't kept it from everyone, just this particular space. Guess I just haven't been ready to reflect on the whole situation yet. Sometimes if you think too much -- more than 140 characters, for instance -- you ruin it.

Here it is:

I've done Level 1 of the frickinfrakkin 30 Day Shred every day for 8 days. I swore to myself I wouldn't post anything about it here until I'd gotten through a full 8 days -- don't know why I picked that number, maybe because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out any longer than that.

EIGHT. DAAAYYYYYYYS, Y'ALL!!!!!! Maybe it doesn't sound like much to you, but me? Working out 8 days in a row without fail? Is a pretty significant accomplishment.

I've been doing it mostly at night, after the kids go to bed. It's not that hard to fit in Jillian's 20 minutes; I don't know why I thought it was, before. I still get to watch my weeknight shows (ahem, fall asleep on the couchevenduringthefinal6episodesofLOSTOMG!!) and get to bed by 11:00-ish. Last night I managed to make AJ's lunch and fold a load of laundry, as well. On Sunday, I did it in the morning, both kids underfoot, and guess what? They didn't care. AJ did it with me, actually. And then, since I wasn't doing it again until Monday night, I felt so grateful that I had "a long break." HA! My brain has been scrambled.

My endurance is improving. Those cardio butt-kicks? Easy-peasy. Although last night I tried to use larger hand weights (5 lbs each) and ... uh, no. I'll stick with 2.5 for now. Heh.

I'm pretty sick of Level 1, but determined to do it for TEN DAYS and then switch, because Level 2 is going to be such a welcome relief. I'm actually looking forward to feeling SORE on Day 12, after Level 2's inaugural run.

I'm hopeful that there will be visible results, but I also know to keep my expectations in check. I am counting calories too, but not being very strict about it. (Last night's jelly bean overdose as an example. These modern jelly beans from Starburst and Jolly Rancher, my goodness! So yummy! So soft!) My long-term plan is to FINISH this 30 days, to ACCOMPLISH a fitness goal for once in my life, and then rotate in more yoga and pilates. Maybe walking/jogging. Maybe even have a rest day. Mostly I want to be beach-ready. I have hated myself in my bathing suits the last 3 beach trips.

So, that's it. Health kick!